Betrayal Trauma Recovery - BTR.ORG

You didn't get married, believing that your husband would betray you with pornography.
You didn't give your heart to him, believing that he would emotionally and psychologically abuse you.
Now that you have the words for his behavior and what's he's been doing to you for so long, perhaps you still hope for a reconciliation - perhaps you, like Claire - this week's guest on the podcast - hope that he can change.
Read the full transcript below and listen to the free BTR.ORG Podcast to explore this week's topic: How Do I Know if My Abusive Husband is Changing?
IMPORTANT: Showing your husband this article or asking him to read it is NOT a safe decision and will likely lead to a sudden change in his behavior that seems positive - but will most likely be grooming, rather than sincere change.
Please keep this article for "your eyes only".
He'll Treat You Like An Equal (& Reject Misogyny)

"How long has it been since you've thought a misogynistic thought? How long has it been since you thought, Oh why doesn't my wife wipe off the table? What's her problem? Instead of being like, oh the table needs to be wiped off, I am going to get a rag and wipe it off because I'm an adult and I live here."
Anne Blythe, Founder of BTR.ORG

A man who is changing from an abuser to a healthy person, will, for a long period of time, consistently reject misogyny.
This means that he will:

* Not expect or ask others to cook, clean, or "take care" of him.
* Not expect, ask for, or coerce you or others for sex.
* Clean up after himself and others, taking on household and yard tasks without being prodded, asked, or encouraged.
* Avoid organizations and situations where misogyny and patriarchy are systemically significant.
* Reject patriarchal leadership roles.
* Forfeit financial control and take proactive steps to learn how to have a mutual financial partnership

He Will NEVER Go Back to Pornography Use
Healthy men don't use pornography. Period. 
Healthy men understand that pornography is exploitative and abusive to the victims of the industry, as well as destructive to their wives and themselves. It's NOT a "temptation" to a healthy man. 
It's a no-brainer. 
If your husband is truly changing, then he has done the work to understand the exploitative nature of the pornography industry and the effects that his pornography use has had on you and your family - and he will never go back to it. Not even once. 
He'll Respect Your Autonomy
A healthy man who is truly changing respects your right to make decisions - large and small. He understands that he has zero right to make demands on your time, body, and energy. He gives you space. 
So How Do I Know If He's Actually Changing? 
But you're not a mind-reader and abusers are VERY good at mimicking these healthy behaviors.
At BTR.ORG, we know that it can be dangerous to live in close proximity to an abuser who claims to be changing. 
If you are invested in staying married to the abuser, believing that he is willing and capable of change, we highly suggest taking our Strategy Workshop, and maintaining a safe distance from the abuser so that you can observe, from that distance, for a good period of time, if he is maintaining these changes. 
Read Why Does He Do That? for even more information on what it looks like for an abuser to make amends for abuse. 
And remember, our daily Group Sessions are available to support you. 
Full Transcript: 
Anne (00:00):Welcome to BTR.ORG. This is Anne. Claire, who is a member of our community is back with us on today's episode. If you did not listen to last week,