Betrayal Trauma Recovery - BTR.ORG

Making the decision to divorce is a challenging and painful space that women may come to in the wake of uncertainty and fear. Anne and Caroline delve into the complexities surrounding divorce, shedding light on the profound impact of abusive behaviors, specifically rooted in pornography addiction. Listen to this episode and read the full transcript below for more.
Pornography Addiction/Secret Pornography Use in Marriage
Caroline's journey began with an awareness of her husband's secret pornography use, a revelation that unfolded over the course of their relationship. Initially, she grappled with the difficulty of articulating the reasons behind her divorce, as societal attitudes and varying levels of awareness about pornography use contributed to a spectrum of reactions. One critical element in Caroline's journey is the revelation that pornography addiction is not isolated; it often coexists and/or fuels other destructive and abusive behaviors.
Seeing Red Flags "Too Late"
Many victims of betrayal and abuse are able to identify red flags after they're already married or pursuing separation or divorce. Often, those who don't understand abuse will covertly blame victims for identifying red flags "too late" or choosing to "ignore" red flags.

It's important to understand that most abusers are master-manipulators and mimic healthy behaviors to lure victims in. If you are now identifying red flags, please understand that it isn't your fault for "not seeing them sooner."
Making the Decision to Divorce
If you find yourself at painful and confusing crossroads where you have to choose whether or not to pursue separation or divorce, please know that BTR.ORG is here for you. Consider attending a BTR.ORG Group Session today.
Full Transcript:
Anne (00:00):
Caroline is on the podcast today. She is a BTR client who recently got divorced, and so we're going to talk to her about her experience and what she went through and how she's feeling now. So welcome, Caroline. You're in this post divorce situation. When people ask you why you got divorced, what is your response?

Caroline (00:22):
Although I knew about my husband's pornography addiction from the beginning, I didn't know what that entailed. In the end, he refused to get help, refused to get treatment. It wasn't because he had a pornography addiction, but it was because he did not want to get help, even refused to believe that he had an addiction to begin with.

Anne (00:45):
When you say that to people, do you think they respond well or is it kind of a triggery experience to have to talk about it with people who are wondering why you got divorced?

Caroline (00:55):
It's definitely like a panic zone because you don't know how people react. Some people are very educated on pornography addiction and others aren't. They believe that it's normal, so the reactions vary. It's only been in the past few months that I've felt like I can actually say the word pornography when I'm talking about my divorce.

Anne (01:16):
So you mentioned that you knew about his pornography use while you were dating or before you got married. Did you see any other red flags?
"I was incredibly surprised at how many red flags there actually were"
Caroline (01:25):
As I was thinking about it, I was incredibly surprised at how many red flags there actually were. I think I just refused to see them. Some of those narcissistic traits were that our dates were always extremely lavish and expensive, and it seemed that he just had untapped funds from the get-go date. One, he wouldn't give me hardly any time alone, always had to be around me knowing what I was up to. Surprise visits, he would fake sick at work just to come see me.