Betrayal Trauma Recovery - BTR.ORG

btr.org - btr.org has daily, online Group and Individual Sessions for victims of emotional & psychological abuse and sexual coercion. For women experiencing pain, chaos, and isolation due to their husband’s lying, gaslighting, manipulation, porn use, cheating, infidelity, emotional abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Labeling a victim as "codependent" is a form of victim blaming. Pornography addiction / sex addiction are a domestic abuse issue. Narcissistic abuse is not a communication issue. We help women who are married, separated, or divorced heal through establishing emotional safety. If you suspect your husband is a narcissist, a pornography addict, or emotionally abusive, this podcast is for you. Every woman on our team has experienced betrayal trauma first hand. To learn more about Betrayal Trauma Recovery, visit BTR.ORG

https://www.btr.org/podcast/

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episode 2: 13 Signs Abusive Men Are Changing


Many victims of betrayal and abuse desperately want to know if their abusive partner is changing, or if he even can change.
This yearning to know and understand is a natural part of being in a relationship with an abuser; however, just because abusers can change, does not mean they will. BTR advocates for victims to prioritize safety over all else.
When Anne Blythe read Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, she studied the "13 Signs of Change" and realized that her abusive ex-husband was simply not on the road to becoming a safe man. Join Anne on the BTR podcast and read the full transcript below to take a deep dive into what it really looks like when an abusive man chooses to change.
Can My Abusive Husband Change?
The short answer is yes. The long answer is, it's complicated.
Yes, abusive men can absolutely change, but as Lundy Bancroft explains: true, lasting change is a deeply transformative process requiring "deep work" and committing to living amends for a lifetime.
Few men choose to take this road. Staying in your relationship because he might be changing or has committed to change may not be the best option for you.
Instead, taking a step back and setting firm boundaries to keep yourself separate from abuse, may be the right course. From a safe vantage point, you can live your best life while also watching to see if he is truly changing.
How Can I Know if My Abusive Husband is Changing?
Detecting real change can be extremely difficult, because for most abusers, the "love-bomb" piece of the abusive cycle includes:

* Promises to join an abuse cessation program
* Commitments to never doing that again
* Partially or fully admitting to what he's done and the hurt it has caused you
* Joining 12-step groups or starting therapy

These actions that abusive men take may seem like signs that he really wants to change - but unfortunately, most of the time it's just the abuser "grooming" his victim to believe that he is changing enough that she chooses to stay.
The 13 Signs Of Change Can Help Victims Understand What Real Change Looks Like
Lundy Bancroft's '13 signs of change' are extremely helpful to victims who are caught up in the abuse cycle and may have difficulty discerning reality due to gaslighting and constant devaluation.
Learn what the 13 signs of change are in the full transcript below and on the BTR podcast.
Betrayal Trauma Recovery Supports Victims of Betrayal & Abuse
At BTR, we understand the "hopium" that most victims experience: the painful and deep desire for their partner to change and stop hurting them. Tragically, most men will not choose to change and will do all they can to keep their victims locked in the vortex of abuse.
That is why the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group meets daily in multiple time zones: so that women can receive the daily support, validation, and answers that they need as they begin their journey to healing. Join today.
Full Transcript:
Anne Blythe: For the first few weeks after my husband's arrest, I felt like the domestic violence shelter wasn't really helping me. I couldn't get answers to my questions. They looked at me like I had some disease.
I know now why they were looking at me like that - they were very concerned. They were concerned because I said things like, "My husband is such a great guy! He can't be abusive. He has an anger problem he's been working on, but it's not abuse.


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 July 19, 2016  22m