Most of the women in the BTR community are comfortable talking about their emotional pain. Betrayal hurts.
Sexual and pelvic pain? That's a different story. It can be awkward and embarrassing to go into detail about such an intimate part of a woman's private life.
Connie, a member of the Betrayal Trauma Recovery community, shares her story on the BTR Podcast. A victim of marital rape for over 11 years, she is recovering from pelvic floor dysfunction, dyspareunia, peudental neuralgia, vulvar dynea, and vulvar vestibulitis. All chronic pelvic pain issues that were caused by the years of sexual abuse in her marriage. Read the full transcript below or tune in to the free BTR podcast to hear Connie's story of triumph over trauma as she identified the abuse and sought safety for herself and her children.
Sexual Coercion and Marital Rape Are Hard to Spot (Even For Doctors)
We went on our honeymoon and the sexual abuse continued. I started to have this awful pelvic pain. I called my mom and she said, “It’s probably a UTI.”When we got back to the town where we were going to college, I went to the clinic and they did the cultures to see if it was an infection and everything came back negative.Connie, member of the BTR community
Many victims of emotional abuse seek a doctor's help when they begin suffering from pelvic and sexual pain. Is it an infection? Am I sick?
Tragically, when infections have been ruled out, women are often left with no answers and excruciating pain. They may be told that it's "all in their heads" or that they are just stressed out and need to relax.
Sexual Abuse Causes Sexual Pain
It is a fact that sexual abuses creates sexual pain in victims. When a woman experiences pelvic and sexual pain, she is probably a victim of sexual abuse.
The pain began to get more intense to the point that when we would have sex, I would just sob the whole time, and then when it was over I would just get up and I would run to the bathroom. I would turn on the bathtub and I would just sit in the bathtub and I would just cry.Connie, member of the BTR community
How Can I Identify Sexual Coercion and Sexual Abuse in My Marriage?
Ask yourself these questions:
* Does sex physically hurt?* Does he tell you that you "owe him" sexual contact because he has spent money on you, is in a relationship with you, did a favor or housework for you, etc.?* Does he give you drugs or alcohol before sexual contact?* Does he sulk, get violent, get angry, pout, keep you awake, degrade, belittle, or do anything but kindly accept your "no" when you decline sexual contact?* Does he continue sexual contact even after you have changed your mind and said no (even if you initially said yes?)* Does he threaten or intimidate you into saying yes? (He will hurt you, get angry or violent, or find another woman if you don't have sexual contact with him).
What is Consent?
Consent is not:
* A woman saying no repeatedly* A woman saying yes out of fear * A woman saying yes after intitially saying no* A woman saying yes and then changing her mind partially through the sexual experience* A woma...