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episode 142: Why Domestic Abuse is Child Abuse: Lundy Bancroft Tells All
If you care about your kids, you don’t abuse their mother. If you care about your kids, you can tell that abusing their mother is horrible for them.
Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That?
Abused women worry that the abuse they've endured is harming their children.
It can be difficult to accept that the abusive partner's behavior can have deeply painful effects on children. But it is essential that victims learn and embrace the truth. In doing so, they become empowered to help their children heal.
Lundy Bancroft, champion of abused women and children and author of Why Does He Do That? and When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse, joins Anne Blythe on the free BTR Podcast. Lundy shares the truth that partner abuse impacts children. He identifies clear ways that women can take their power back and help their children become healthy and strong individuals. Read the full transcript below and listen to the free BTR podcast to begin your journey to empowerment today.
How Does Your Husband's Pornography Use and Emotional Abuse Affect Your Kids?
Accept the fact that how your partner treats you matters to your kids and it’s going to affect them.
Lundy Bancroft, author Why Does He Do That?
Some children never directly see or hear abuse. Even so, your partner's abusive behaviors will always have an impact on them. Lundy Bancroft shares some indicators that the abuser's behaviors are harming your children.
Four Indicators That Your Children Are Being Harmed by Partner Abuse
* Trouble sleeping
* Trouble eating
* Fighting with other siblings more than usual
* Treating mother with disrespect and/or physical violence
When mothers identify these behavioral changes, they are more equipped to accept that the abuse is harming their children. They can act decisively to protect and help their children find safety and healing.
The reason I wrote When Dad Hurts Mom is that I feel like, if women were equipped with ideas about how to help the kids, then they’d be much more likely to accept the fact that the kids are getting hurt by what the guy is doing. If you just feel powerless about what the guy is doing, then who wants to think about, “Oh. My kids are getting hurt too?”
Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That?
Victims of Emotional Abuse Can Proactively Protect and Support Their Children
Abusers condition victims to feel powerless. Many women feel completely overwhelmed with simple day-to-day tasks. The idea of helping their children process and heal from an abusive home may seem daunting.
Lundy Bancroft identifies ways that victims can advocate for their children.
* Invite conversation and questions about the abuser's behavior.
* Tune in to your child's eating, sleeping, friendships, schoolwork, and tension between other siblings.
* Correct the abuser's lies without degrading the abuser.
Some women may be limited in how openly they can speak when correcting lies that the abuser has told her children. Tragically, the legal system often fails victims of abuse and their children.