If you care about your kids, you don’t abuse their mother. If you care about your kids, you can tell that abusing their mother is horrible for them.Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That?
Many victims of emotional abuse and other forms of relational abuse, including pornography use, wonder if their children are affected by the abuse.
It can be difficult to accept that the abusive partner's behavior can have deeply painful effects on children, but it is essential that victims learn the truth and become empowered to help their children cope and heal.
Lundy Bancroft, champion of abused women and children and author of Why Does He Do That? and When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse, joins Anne Blythe on the free BTR Podcast. Lundy shares the truth about how children are impacted by partner abuse, and identifies clear ways that women can take their power back and help their children become healthy and strong individuals. Read the full transcript below and listen to the free BTR podcast to begin your journey to empowerment today.
How Does Your Husband's Pornography Use and Emotional Abuse Affect Your Kids?
Accept the fact that how your partner treats you matters to your kids and it’s going to affect them.Lundy Bancroft, author Why Does He Do That?
While some children never directly see or hear abuse, they are always affected by a partner's abusive and harmful behaviors. Lundy Bancroft shares some ways that mothers can identify that their children are being impacted by the abuser's behaviors.
Four Indicators That Your Children Are Being Harmed by Partner Abuse
* Trouble sleeping* Trouble eating* Fighting with other siblings more than usual* Treating mother with disrespect and/or physical violence
When mothers identify these behavioral changes, they are more equipped to accept that the abuse is harming their children, and they can act decisively to protect and help their children find safety and healing.
The reason I wrote When Dad Hurts Mom is that I feel like, if women were equipped with ideas about how to help the kids, then they’d be much more likely to accept the fact that the kids are getting hurt by what the guy is doing. If you just feel powerless about what the guy is doing, then who wants to think about, “Oh, my kids are getting hurt too?”Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That?
Victims of Emotional Abuse Can Proactively Protect and Support Their Children
Victims of abuse and betrayal are conditioned by their partners to feel powerless. Many women feel completely overwhelmed with simple day-to-day tasks and the idea of helping their children process and heal from an abusive home may seem daunting.
Lundy Bancroft identifies ways that victims can advocate for their children.
* Invite conversation and questions about the abuser's behavior.* Tune in to your child's eating, sleeping, friendships, schoolwork, and tension between other siblings.* Correct the abuser's lies without degrading the abuser.
Some women may be limited in how openly they can speak when correcting lies that the abuser has told her...