"This issue of ending up involved with an abusive man happens to anyone. There is no special kind of woman this doesn’t happen to. People think, 'Oh. If I’d been like this or like that...' and it’s just not so. I’ve known women from every walk of life, from every level of education, women who were sharp as tacks and how smart they were. Unfortunately, nobody is abuse-proof."Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That?
Lundy Bancroft, warrior for women's rights and author of Why Does He Do That? and When Dad Hurts Mom, joins Anne Blythe on the free BTR Podcast to empower victims of abuse. Lundy Bancroft has directly worked with over 1,000 abusive men. He understands how abusers work. He knows the damage they do. He also knows that victims are strong. He knows that victims, just like you, can find healing. He wants you to know that you are crucial. You matter. And no matter what, you can get through this.
Read the full transcript below and tune in to the free BTR Podcast for more.
Your Abuser's View of You Is False
Many victims of abuse, weighed down by insecurities, fears, and feelings of inadequacy, struggle to grasp their own identities.
Abusers create a false reality of who the abused woman actually is. They feed women toxic and painful falsities that can confuse them. At times, it is very difficult for victims to discern that they are simply not the person that their abusive partner says they are.
"He may have made you feel like you’re a bad mother. He may have made you feel like somehow you’re toxic. You’re the one that’s contaminating these kids. You’re the reason why these kids have problems. You’re not some toxic waste dump. That’s just the image that he tried to get across. You are these kids’ mother. You are absolutely crucial to them. They came from you. They need you desperately. They need you all the more because this other man in their life is such a destructive force."Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That?
Women, You Are Crucial
Children who have witnessed abuse, or lived in a home with an abusive man, need support and compassion as they process the choices and behaviors of their abusive fathers. Mothers can provide tremendous help to their children. Mothers, you are crucial.
While it may seem daunting, especially as victims try to shed the lies that abusers have told them about themselves, women can triumph over trauma and become the solid rock of support that children need and deserve. Join the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group and find the support you need to begin seeing the magnificent truth about yourself.
To Victims of Betrayal and Abuse: You Are Crucial
Abusers condition victims to believe that they are not important. The constant betrayals, lying, gaslighting, put-downs, and abandonment can make women question their own worth as human beings. Abusers cause women to question their own:
* Sanity* Self-worth* Self-image* Parenting skills* Competency* Influence* Attractiveness* Positive characteristics* Faith* Social skills* Intelligence* and more.
When churches, communities, family, friends, and therapists enable abusers by not calling them o...