Implementing a no contact boundary can feel overwhelming, impossible, and terrifying to victims of betrayal and abuse.
Betrayal Trauma Recovery advocates for the safety and health of all women. Lee joins Anne Blythe on the free BTR podcast to discuss how she was able to successfully implement a no contact boundary with her abuser, and how it has helped her begin to heal from 15 years of abuse. Listen to the free BTR podcast and read the full transcript below for more.
What Is "No Contact"?
A no contact boundary is simply a boundary that protects women from destructive and abusive communication with their abusive (ex) partners.
No contact boundaries can be tailored to the specific safety needs of each victim. For most victims, no contact includes:
* No phone calls from the abuser (most women have to block the abuser on their phones)
* No texts from the abuser
* No in-person visits or time with the abuser
Instead, abusers communicate with victims through a safe third-party over email, or directly with the victim over email.
Believing In Yourself: The First Step To Implementing No Contact
Abusers condition victims to lose their sense of self-esteem and their belief that they can achieve safety and protection from abuse. When women choose to break through the abusive conditioning and seize the opportunity to protect themselves by implementing no contact, they are overcoming an enormous hurdle.
Victims can get to this point by participating in a safe support group, meeting with a safe professional, and becoming educated about abuse and trauma.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4O0GXhB4O0&t=2s
Implementing No Contact: Problem Solving
The second step to implementing a no contact boundary is using education and safe, supportive people to help you problem-solve and work through obstacles that may arise.
The first step of implementing no contact is to know that it’s possible and then you start problem-solving. Once you implement a no contact boundary, you may realize that there are holes in your armor or other chinks. You may feel like, oh I didn’t realize that I needed to board up this window or I didn’t realize that I need to lock this door.
Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery
Some areas that women may need to problem-solve include:
* Navigating the no contact boundary with children
* How to maintain the no contact boundary if/when emergency situations arise
* Navigating the no contact boundary if the victim doesn't have a safe third-party to be the communicator with the abuser
* Navigating the no contact boundary if/when the abuser withholds child support
Maintaining No Contact
The last step is maintaining the no contact boundary in a way that promotes health and peace in the victim's life.
Abusers will not accept victims' boundaries. They will always push back. This can become emotionally exhausting for victims if the no contact bound...