Tim Drugan's Story Time

Humorist and liar Tim Drugan tells stories. Some of these narratives (or anecdotes, or parables) begin with a feeble grip on reality before slipping into the absurd. Many yarns (or chronicles, or fairy tales), however, start in the bizarre and quickly topple into the preposterous.



episode 24: Fredrick (Who is Not Short) is in the Market for a Private Jet

Episode 24: Tim talks about  shopping for a car and making a fool of himself at the car dealership in the finance office. Then, Fredrick gets a rude awakening when he begins shopping for a private jet so people will forget how short he is.
So why was he in the market for a private jet? Because it was growing rather tiresome having to tell people that though he had walked to dinner, he could have taken a private jet. “Yeah, from my penthouse, I walked here. It’s no big deal, I just have two working legs that carried me here from my PENTHOUSE APARTMENT!”

Fredrick wanted instead to rattle down the road in a private jet, landing in the middle of a European city with great restaurants. He wasn’t sure exactly how that worked, how private jets were able to land right in front of European restaurants, but that’s what he’d heard. And upon showing up in a private jet, everyone would be so impressed they wouldn’t notice how short he was. “Look at that short fucking fellow!” someone had said when Fredrick had gone to the town next to Longsville by the name of Puny Town. Everyone was massive in Puny Town. “What a short SHORT MAN! I cannot get over just how short that man is! Everyone! EVERYONE! STOP EATING AND LOOK AT HOW SHORT THAT MAN IS!”

On his trip to Puny Town, no one has stopped remarking on Fredrick’s shortness long enough for him to explain that he was actually quite tall for people from Longsville, especially when compared to his Asshole Brother Jim, who was the shortest man Fredrick had ever seen. “I’m so sorry,” someone in Puny Town had said to Fredrick. “I realize you’re trying to speak, yes, I see you trying to interject, but I just CANNOT get over JUST how SHORT YOU ARE! Even if I let you speak I WILL NOT be able to listen for I am AGHAST at WHAT A SHORT MAN YOU ARE!”
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 2021-04-20  1h8m