btr.org - btr.org has daily, online Group and Individual Sessions for victims of emotional & psychological abuse and sexual coercion. For women experiencing pain, chaos, and isolation due to their husband’s lying, gaslighting, manipulation, porn use, cheating, infidelity, emotional abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Labeling a victim as "codependent" is a form of victim blaming. Pornography addiction / sex addiction are a domestic abuse issue. Narcissistic abuse is not a communication issue. We help women who are married, separated, or divorced heal through establishing emotional safety. If you suspect your husband is a narcissist, a pornography addict, or emotionally abusive, this podcast is for you. Every woman on our team has experienced betrayal trauma first hand. To learn more about Betrayal Trauma Recovery, visit BTR.ORG
https://www.btr.org/podcast/
episode 174: 3 Toxic Sex Myths That Harm Women
How can women find safety from sexually abusive marriages when they are constantly barraged by toxic lies about marital sex?
Movies, TV shows, clergy, therapists, and even Christian self-help books enable marital sexual abuse. What are women to do with such toxic, degrading messages?
Sheila Gregoire, author of The Great Sex Rescue joins Anne on the free BTR podcast to deconstruct three toxic sex myths that enable men to abuse, control, and harm women. Listen to the free BTR podcast and read the full transcript below for more.
We'd love to hear from you. How have you found safety from a sexually abusive marriage? Help other women by leaving a comment below.
Toxic Sex Myth: "Sex Is A Need" (Nope, It's A Drive)
The toxic myth that sex is a "need" implies that women are "depriving" their husband if they refuse to engage in unsafe, disconnected sex.
This toxic myth is perpetuated by likening sex to actual physical needs, as Anne explains:
He's going to die if you don't have sex with him. It's like air and food.Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery
Here's The Truth
Sex is a drive, not a need. We all have a sex drive, though abused women may experience a much lower sex drive. This is a natural and incredible protective instinct that exists to help women keep themselves safe from abusive, disconnected sex.
Your husband's sex drive is not your responsibility. If your husband is creating a reality where sex is a very real need, like air, water, food, or shelter, he is manipulating you.
Toxic Sex Myth: Wives Owe Their Husbands Sex
Abusive men will use phrases like, "Sex to me is like emotional connection to you. You won't exactly die without it, but you really need it to be happy. I need sex to be happy. Why won't you give it to me?"
This is problematic because it implies that sex is intended for men. It also implies that men are entitled to sex. It further implies that women don't benefit from sexually healthy relationships. It ignores the issues of safe sex and consent.
In short, this toxic myth is one big, fat lie.
Here's The Truth
Sheila Gregoire explains how her team studied obligatory sex for their book The Great Sex Rescue:
What happens if women have sex when their primary motivation is: because I have to? It leads to all kinds of terrible things in terms of marital and sexual satisfaction and it drives the couple further and further apart. So having that as your motivation? It's just terrible. It's not biblical. It's not life-giving.Sheila Gregoire, author of The Great Sex Rescue
Toxic Sex Myth: Other Women "Tempt" My Husband & It's My Job Keep Him Faithful
Victory means that he's able to look at women as whole people, and that means that he needs to stop blaming women for his porn use and for his lust. The reason he's lusting is not because of what she's wearing. The reason he’s lusting is because of how he chooses to see women, and it is not her fault.When we are making women the problem,