Betrayal Trauma Recovery - BTR.ORG

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episode 186: What Does God Say About Abuse?



This post is part of a series.
Join us for Part 2: Want to Understand Abuse? Leslie Vernick Breaks it Down
Women of faith are often caught in the painful trap of navigating faulty but deeply internalized toxic beliefs about relationships, betrayal, and their own worth - while trying to set boundaries and seek safety from abusive, unfaithful men.



Leslie Vernick joins Anne on The BTR.ORG Podcast to take a deep dive into Biblical truths about abuse, boundary-setting, and betrayal. Leslie's personal and professional background and her powerful Christian testimony are a guiding light to women of faith seeking truth and solace from the devastation of betrayal and abuse.



What Does God Say About Verbal Abuse?




The Bible is really clear about certain kinds of abuse. Obviously, you know, if you're being degrading and verbally abusive, sometimes some pastors would say, "Well, that’s nowhere in the Bible," but that's not true. It's in Colossians and Ephesians, for example. Paul talks about abusive speech. Let no abusive speech come out of your mouth. James talks about abusive speech, it talks about reckless words pierce like a sword in Proverbs. It talks about the damage of a relational betrayal in Psalms. The Psalmist for example in Psalm 69 says, "Your insults have broken my heart and I am distraught."
Leslie Vernick



"At Least I'm Not _______."
Abusive men condition victims to "scale" abuse. Women may begin to believe that forms of abuse that do not include physical battering are somehow less egregious than other, more covert forms. Abusers condition victims to conform to this belief when they say things like:




* At least I don't hit you.
* Come on, it wasn't that serious.
* You're overreacting.
* I'm so much better than I used to be.
* I never raise my voice.
* You're just as bad as me.
* You yell more than I do.
* I've never seriously hurt you.
* It could be a lot worse.
* I know plenty of guys who are way worse than me.
* Lots of women would be grateful to be with me.
* Everyone argues.
* This is what married people do.




But from a Biblical perspective, it's clear. Verbal abuse is a serious offense - just as serious as physical battering.



What Does God Say About Safety?



At BTR, we believe that every woman deserves a foundation of safety in her life. Biblically, Leslie Vernick explains that this is God's plan as well.




The Bible actually talks about the importance of safety especially in a marriage relationship. The verse in Proverbs 31 where it talks about the Proverbs 31 woman, for example. It says her husband trusts her to do him good not harm, all the days of his life. That is safety. That's the rock bottom foundation of any relationship. You can't be in a relationship with somebody, even if you really love them, if you don't feel safe with that person. And so safety is an important quality to God in relationships and he's created our bodies to react in a negative way if we're unsafe so that we go to safety.
Leslie Vernick



How do our bodies "react in a negative way" when we feel unsafe?
What does a Trauma Response Look Like? 



Every woman is different, but traumatic responses can include:




* Nausea
* Trembling


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 August 3, 2021  28m