The Bright Side of Life (Mental Health, Self Care)

Feel happy by changing your mindset. Depression, anxiety, loneliness, and stress are all things you can overcome. Join us as we navigate and discuss people's successful journeys to happiness. Learn to deal with everyday worry, self-doubt, self-worth by changing the way you think.

https://www.thebrightsideoflifepodcast.com/

subscribe
share





episode 47: Infertility journey to happiness. Anna's story of her and her husband's ten year journey of trying to become parents. [transcript]


Anna Mueller, is the creator of Infertility Journey to Happiness. She has Endometriosis and is a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis. She and her husband tried for 10 years to become parents. They spent over 100K, countless infertility treatments, 3 surgeries, endless months of thinking they were pregnant, and thousands of dollars spent on pregnancy tests that all came back negative. Fast forward 5 years later and now she is 40 years old with no chance of being a Mom and she can wake up every day with a smile on her face.

Connect with Anna:
https://infertilityjourneytohappiness.com/
_____________________________
Thank you to our sponsors:
BetterHelp - Visit https://betterhelp.com/brightsideoflife to join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional.

Special offer for The Bright Side of Life listeners... get 10% off your first month at https://betterhelp.com/brightsideoflife

Connect with Melissa: https://www.thebrightsideoflifepodcast.com/

Support the show (https://www.thebrightsideoflifepodcast.com/support/)


share







 2021-09-08  1h31m
 
 
00:00  Melissa Bright
Thank you to
00:00
better help for sponsoring this
00:02
podcast. The progress that I
00:02
have made in my mental health
00:05
has been incredible. I just want
00:05
to tell you my listeners a
00:09
little bit about better help to
00:09
see if it might be a great fit
00:12
for you. Their mission is making
00:12
professional counseling
00:15
accessible, affordable and
00:15
convenient. So anyone who
00:19
struggles with life challenges
00:19
can get help anywhere, anytime.
00:22
They offer four ways to get
00:22
counseling from video sessions,
00:26
phone calls to live chat and
00:26
messaging, you will be matched
00:29
with your counselor and 24 hours
00:29
or less financial aid is also
00:33
available for those who qualify.
00:33
So visit better help.com slash
00:38
bright side of life that's
00:38
better help.com slash bright
00:42
side of life join over 500,000
00:42
people taking charge of their
00:46
mental health with the help of
00:46
an experienced professional. And
00:50
for your first month you're
00:50
going to receive 10% off by
00:53
being a listener of the bright
00:53
side of life. So let them know
00:56
that I sent you by using the
00:56
link better help.com forward
01:00
slash bright side of life. The
01:00
link will also be in the
01:03
description section of this
01:03
episode.
01:05  Anna
I am still a woman whether
01:05
I had a child or not whether I
01:08
am a parent or not, I am still a
01:08
woman. And once I let that go
01:13
that non worth because I'm not a
01:13
mom. The rest of it slowly
01:18
started falling into place.
01:22  Melissa Bright
Welcome to the
01:22
bright side of life, a podcast
01:24
where people share their
01:24
personal stories of struggles,
01:28
pain and grief. But through all
01:28
of that they are still able to
01:31
find the joys in life.
01:51
Hello, everyone and welcome to
01:51
this week's episode of the
01:55
bright side of life. I'm your
01:55
host Melissa Bright Today I have
01:58
Ana Mueller. Adam Mueller is the
01:58
creator of infertility journey
02:03
to happiness. She has
02:03
endometriosis and the carrier
02:07
for cystic fibrosis. She and her
02:07
husband tried for 10 years to
02:11
become parents. They spent over
02:11
$100,000, countless infertility
02:16
treatments, three surgeries, and
02:16
endless months of thinking that
02:21
they were pregnant, and 1000s of
02:21
dollars spent on pregnancy
02:24
tests. All that came back
02:24
negative. Fast forward five
02:28
years later, and now Ana is 40
02:28
years old, with no chance of
02:33
being a mom and she can wake up
02:33
every day with a smile on her
02:37
face. So Ana, welcome to the
02:37
show. How are you doing today?
02:42
Thank you so much for having me.
02:42
I'm fantastic. I'm super excited
02:45
to be on your podcast. Awesome.
02:45
Well, let's go ahead and get
02:50
started. When you were younger.
02:50
Did you ever have any
02:53
aspirations to be a mom?
02:56  Anna
I love this question.
02:56
Because the answer's no. I never
03:00
wanted to be a mom. So growing
03:00
up, my sister was the mom. She's
03:05
six years younger than me and
03:05
her She played dolls and Barbies
03:08
and always wanted to be the mom
03:08
and me, I played with Barbies.
03:11
And I, it was me and Ken living
03:11
in our penthouse in New York.
03:15
And it was it was never going to
03:15
happen. I never wanted to be a
03:18
mom. My mom was like, Okay, I'm
03:18
just never getting grandkids
03:20
from you. And that's okay. Until
03:20
I met my husband. And then he
03:24
totally rocked my world. Yeah,
03:27  Melissa Bright
and let's, let's
03:27
talk about that. So when did
03:29
things really start to change
03:29
for you when you decided that? I
03:34
think I might want to be a mom.
03:36  Anna
So we had a conversation
03:36
in the middle of us dating
03:40
because we were 19 and 21. When
03:40
we met, we were very young. And
03:43
but we knew that we were each
03:43
other's person. And I told him
03:47
at the very beginning, I just
03:47
don't think I ever want to be a
03:49
mom. Is that something you can
03:49
live with. And he he knew he was
03:53
put on this earth to be a dad.
03:53
He just knew he was supposed to
03:55
be that dad, like his dad was.
03:55
So his big thing was, I would
04:00
rather be with you and never
04:00
have children then be with
04:02
somebody else and have five. So
04:02
he was 100%. okay with it. I was
04:07
good with it until it was about
04:07
our first year, year and a half
04:12
of marriage. And we went to a
04:12
friend's wedding. And at the
04:16
ceremony, I just happened to
04:16
look over to my right. And there
04:19
was this couple that had the
04:19
most beautiful little girl
04:23
sitting on her dad's lap and she
04:23
had this dress in like layers of
04:28
tool and look just like him and
04:28
just kept looking up at him with
04:32
that, like, only that smile that
04:32
a little girl gives her father
04:35
and it was the most amazing
04:35
moment. And it just clicked and
04:39
I was like, I want this. I want
04:39
this for my husband. I want this
04:42
for me. And I looked over him. I
04:42
said okay, I'm ready. Let's go
04:45
home and dry. So in between this
04:45
ceremony reception we gave it
04:51  Melissa Bright
Oh, and how old
04:51
were you at that time?
04:55  Anna
We were let's see we got
04:55
married I was 25 and he turned
04:59
24 So about 2627 Okay, then
04:59
we're like, okay, let's,
05:04  Melissa Bright
let's start.
05:04
Okay, so you guys start trying
05:08
and kind of walk me through the
05:08
the beginning of that. And what
05:14
happened after that.
05:15  Anna
So when we started trying,
05:15
all of our friends were slowly
05:21
meeting the loves of their lives
05:21
and getting engaged and getting
05:24
married. And we were the first
05:24
ones in our boot to get married,
05:27
the first ones to buy a house,
05:27
and now the first ones, which I
05:30
thought would be pregnant. So we
05:30
tried, we tried through
05:35
weddings, and you know, it never
05:35
happens. We tried for about a
05:41
year naturally. And finally, we
05:41
were like, Okay, I guess I have
05:44
to go to my ob gyn because I
05:44
don't know why this isn't
05:47
working. And originally, he
05:47
said, it's very normal for
05:51
women, it takes them a good
05:51
year, you know, there's very few
05:54
percent where they can get
05:54
pregnant right away. He goes,
05:57
you know, everyone thinks, oh,
05:57
you have this week to get
06:00
pregnant. And it's actually one
06:00
to three days, you know,
06:03
honestly, per month. So. I mean,
06:03
we were going at it like
06:08
rabbits. What else is there,
06:08
you're young, you're freshly
06:13
married, lay. And it just, it
06:13
never happened. And then all of
06:17
a sudden, our friends were like,
06:17
Hey, I think we want to become
06:20
parents. And we're like, oh,
06:20
okay. Well,
06:24
you know, it might take a while.
06:26
Right? And it did not.
06:28  Melissa Bright
Yeah. So after
06:28
after a year, it didn't work.
06:32
You talk to your ob what, what
06:32
was your guys's solution after
06:39
that point? Was it just Well, we
06:39
just keep trying, or where did
06:44
you go from there?
06:45  Anna
So you have to remember,
06:45
so we're talking 15 years ago,
06:49
we didn't have social media and
06:49
Facebook and podcast and you
06:53
didn't have support groups of
06:53
infertility, and you didn't even
06:56
use that word. You just use the
06:56
words of Oh, this couple never
06:59
had kids, they just never wanted
06:59
to. People didn't realize that
07:03
they probably couldn't. So there
07:03
wasn't a lot of options on where
07:06
we were going with that. And I
07:06
was raised very naturally, I my
07:10
cycle was ever 28 days, I've
07:10
never had to be on the pill. So
07:13
it was not something I was
07:13
accustomed to doing anything
07:15
synthetic. And I told my doctor,
07:15
I go, well, what's going on? My
07:20
cycle started getting a little
07:20
different. They were still
07:23
regular, but they were getting a
07:23
little more severe. Just not
07:28
good. And that's when my doctor
07:28
started running tests. And he
07:31
came back and said, okay, you
07:31
have endometriosis. So this will
07:35
explain why you're not getting
07:35
pregnant. Because the way I was
07:39
set up, I had a lot of scar
07:39
tissue from just two years of
07:42
enjoyment, endometriosis just,
07:42
you know, growing and growing.
07:46
So he suggested that they do my
07:46
first surgery, which would like
07:50
laparoscopic, which would just
07:50
flesh me out. And he could go in
07:54
there and move all the scar
07:54
tissue and then I would be kind
07:56
of like a further Myrtle. He's
07:56
like, you know, reason why you
07:58
couldn't the tubes open, you got
07:58
your pathway, just go. So it was
08:04
it was hard. And it was scary.
08:04
Because it was my first real
08:07
surgery. We had to tell my mom
08:07
and my in laws who I love and
08:13
adore at that we were going in
08:13
for this specific surgery
08:17
because now we've been married
08:17
almost three years and the
08:21
questions are so are we gonna be
08:21
grandparents? What's your
08:26
thoughts? And we had to kind of
08:26
have that hard conversation of
08:32
it's not working naturally. So
08:32
we need some assistance. And our
08:36
families were shocked,
08:37  Melissa Bright
right? Okay, I'm
08:37
gonna back up just a little bit
08:40
for anybody that might not know
08:40
what and I suck at saying this.
08:46
What exactly is that? So there's
08:50  Anna
a lot of different
08:50
definitions and a lot of
08:53
different groups and there's
08:53
four different stages to it and
08:56
it's, it's can become like a
08:56
full body disease. It starts out
09:00
just in your uterus and in all
09:00
of your womanly organs and it
09:04
will flare up during your time
09:04
with a month and there is a
09:07
plethora of symptoms. I had
09:07
every single symptom except for
09:11
the pain for years which is why
09:11
we did not diagnose me in time
09:15
because pain is normally the big
09:15
one if you want any of the
09:18
endometriosis sides pain is the
09:18
biggest one and I'm now getting
09:24
the pain I've had the pain for
09:24
about a year. It can be very
09:27
crippling.
09:28  Melissa Bright
So what kind of
09:28
pain what kind of like where is
09:32
the pain? What does it feel? Oh,
09:34  Anna
so in your in your stomach
09:34
area stabbing pain, like your
09:38
insides are being ripped out
09:38
burning. I have like the leg
09:42
cramps and the hip pain, the
09:42
nausea the I can't sleep so I
09:48
have terrible insomnia during my
09:48
cycles and I'll just be up to
09:51
like two in the morning bright
09:51
awake with nothing to do I still
09:54
get little mini hot flashes from
09:54
you know another procedure prior
09:58
to but and you know, like The
09:58
bathroom situation and as a
10:01
woman, that's just a terrible
10:01
thing to have to go through.
10:05
It's and then it you can go into
10:05
different stages when it starts
10:07
hitting your colon area and
10:07
affecting those organs, you've
10:10
hit stage three and four. I am
10:10
in stage two. So it's still
10:15
contained in all of you know,
10:15
during my cycle. But now I'm
10:19
starting to feel my side effects
10:19
the week before and the week
10:23
after my cycle. So I have about
10:23
one good week during the month
10:27
where I feel fantastic. And you
10:27
got me on a good day.
10:33  Melissa Bright
So before we
10:33
move forward, is, is there a
10:37
point that if you would catch
10:37
endometriosis early enough that
10:42
it could not affect having
10:42
children or even having pain or
10:48
symptoms? Or is or is this just
10:48
something that will once once
10:52
you have it, there's nothing,
10:52
it's manageable, but there's
10:55
nothing really, we can do to get
10:55
completely rid of it.
10:59  Anna
So you you can and that
10:59
was one of my first surgery. So
11:03
when my doctor would go in and
11:03
remove all of my scar tissue,
11:07
and my cyst from my
11:07
endometriosis, and clean out the
11:10
endometriosis, I would be endo
11:10
free. And it would give me about
11:14
a year or so of relief for a lot
11:14
of women, they can get pregnant
11:17
on endometriosis. It just
11:17
depends on what stage they're at
11:20
what you know, the internal body
11:20
looks like my pathway is covered
11:25
in scar tissue. So it's very
11:25
hard for, you know, the semen to
11:30
get to where it needs to go.
11:30
We're just not we're not you
11:33
know, making it but it never
11:33
gets better.
11:36  Melissa Bright
It always gets
11:36
worse. Okay, gotcha. It can't be
11:40
manageable a
11:41  Anna
little bit.
11:41
But it's it's can be very
11:41
intense.
11:43  Melissa Bright
Yeah. Okay. So
11:43
that's kind of our little
11:46
education moment about
11:46
endometriosis, because I didn't
11:48
know too much about it. Here we
11:48
are, you're about to go into
11:52
your first surgery. And you have
11:52
to tell both sets of parents
11:57
because they were wondering,
11:57
when are we going to have
12:01
grandparents? And Was this
12:01
something that you obviously you
12:06
had you hadn't told him? yet?
12:06
Was
12:08  Anna
there a reason that you
12:08
didn't really want to disclose
12:11
the information of like, what
12:11
we've been trying for a year or
12:16
any certain reasons why you
12:16
hadn't told him up until this
12:18
point that you weren't pregnant,
12:18
or you were trying? Absolutely.
12:23
So again, and I say this again,
12:23
go back 15 years, it wasn't
12:27
something that was talked about.
12:27
So for me, being a woman already
12:31
having, you know, insecurities,
12:31
as it is just a normal woman
12:35
insecurity that you have on a
12:35
daily basis to add this to the
12:39
mix, that you can't do something
12:39
as natural as conceive a child
12:44
with the person that you love.
12:44
And it was very hard to face and
12:48
I was in denial for quite a
12:48
while. And it was something
12:51
where I told my husband I don't
12:51
want to share it with anybody.
12:53
People aren't going to
12:53
understand they're gonna ask me
12:55
questions I don't have answers
12:55
to there's no books to read.
12:58
There's no podcast listen to
12:58
like no one else is going
13:01
through this. I am alone. I am a
13:01
broken woman and I don't want to
13:04
talk about it. And so I forced
13:04
him to keep it a secret and he
13:07
did for years. It was just us in
13:07
our own tragic bubble, living
13:12
this life of misery every single
13:12
day. It was awful.
13:15
absolutely awful.
13:16  Melissa Bright
Oh my goodness.
13:16
And I love that you keep going
13:19
back to remind people of 15
13:19
years ago when all this stuff
13:23
wasn't available because like
13:23
you said, nowadays there are
13:26
many support groups, Facebook,
13:26
all kinds of stuff which we'll
13:30
get into later but I wonder now
13:30
because you know for my mental
13:35
health journey, of course I
13:35
didn't talk about it until 2020.
13:38
And it's like, you know, you
13:38
kind of wonder what motivates
13:41
somebody to finally come forth
13:41
or what made them stay quiet for
13:45
as long as they did and for you,
13:45
that was exactly the reason. So
13:51
your your the parents, your
13:51
parents, his parents were
13:54
shocked shocked in a what kind
13:54
of way were they disappointed
13:59
were they like compassionate for
13:59
you what really were their
14:05
responses when you say shocked
14:07  Anna
so definitely not
14:07
disappointed and in no way shape
14:11
or form. Shocked as in I don't
14:11
understand how this is
14:14
happening. This is not happening
14:14
on either side of our families.
14:19
Mom and Dad my in laws. It no
14:19
family member has gone through
14:23
this that they were aware of my
14:23
mom's side no one's ever gone
14:27
through this my father's side.
14:27
No one ever will do this again
14:29
for what they are aware of
14:29
because no one talked about it
14:32
and they didn't have what they
14:32
have now. And then they were
14:36
shocked of sadness. Because one
14:36
their daughter and daughter in
14:41
law have to go under the knife
14:41
and have surgery done. To that
14:44
we're so young and having to
14:44
deal with this and insurance
14:47
doesn't cover hardly any of it.
14:47
And three the chance that they
14:51
could be grandparents is slowly
14:51
slipping away. And you know it
14:55
especially for my in laws that
14:55
that was huge because my mother
15:00
I was a stay at home mom, the
15:00
entire length of her children.
15:04
And she just she lives in
15:04
breeze, children. And so it she
15:09
always thought I was going to be
15:09
a grandma. There was no
15:11
question. We didn't think about
15:11
that. And my mom is in the point
15:15
of her life where she, her and I
15:15
are best friends. And she's like
15:18
app, take it or leave it, I'm
15:18
good. But she was she was really
15:22
sad. For me.
15:23  Melissa Bright
It was it was
15:23
hard.
15:24  Anna
It was very hard.
15:25  Melissa Bright
I cannot even
15:25
imagine there's so many
15:28
different layers to it, you
15:28
know, thinking about first
15:33
yourself as a woman, then your
15:33
husband? And we'll talk about
15:39
that. Then the grandparents, you
15:39
know, when when what they want,
15:42
and it's the latter pressure on
15:42
you. Yes. Yeah. So what what did
15:51
you feel in terms of, you know,
15:51
how, first of all, how did your
15:57
husband feel during during this,
15:57
you know, when you were going to
16:01
go into surgeries? And then what
16:01
did you feel like toward your
16:04
husband? Because I know, you
16:04
said that you knew that he
16:06
wanted to have kids. So what was
16:06
that feeling like?
16:09  Anna
at it, I felt like my body
16:09
betrayed me and him. And I felt
16:14
like our marriage was doomed.
16:14
Because I could not give him a
16:18
child. He has been nothing but
16:18
supportive from the very
16:22
beginning. I apologize through
16:22
every procedure, every
16:26
treatment, every negative
16:26
pregnancy test, I would cry sob
16:30
and say I'm sorry. And he would
16:30
say it's not your fault. And I
16:32
go, but it is it's my body and
16:32
he goes, it's not your fault.
16:35
stop apologizing. He goes, we're
16:35
in this together. He was sad for
16:39
me. And he was heartbroken for
16:39
me because he wanted me to come
16:43
out of surgery safely. He did
16:43
not want to lose me. And he
16:47
didn't want this to change us
16:47
and infertility does. I'm not
16:51
the same person I was. And my
16:51
husband's not and my in laws
16:54
aren't either. I mean, we're
16:54
completely different. And I'm
16:57
sure you know, just with mental
16:57
health, once you get to a
17:01
negative spot and you find your
17:01
happiness, you're a completely
17:04
different person.
17:06  Melissa Bright
Yeah. Yep. I
17:06
would agree. Okay, so moving
17:10
forward after you went through
17:10
the first surgery. Surgery goes
17:17
good.
17:17  Anna
No, it did it in my
17:17
doctor's eyes, a success. I even
17:21
have the picture still, of all
17:21
the cysts that he found. My girl
17:26
she had my left ovary was
17:26
encased with this. So he was
17:29
able to laser all that off. It
17:29
was supposed to be I believe, an
17:32
hour, hour and a half surgery,
17:32
it lasted three and a half. It
17:36
was very invasive, but they he
17:36
was able to get all the
17:38
endometriosis out. So healing
17:38
time, it was hard, but I was
17:43
young. So I bounce back pretty
17:43
quickly. And I had a year of
17:47
just wonderfulness. With my
17:47
cycle that was not normal.
17:51
Again, whatever normal would be.
17:51
And my doctor said, All right,
17:56
sheets to the wind, go have fun
17:56
and come back to you when you're
17:59
pregnant. So I had all high
17:59
hopes that it was going to
18:02
happen. Right? Didn't happen.
18:05  Melissa Bright
And the doctor
18:05
the doctor was giving the doctor
18:07
was hopeful for Yes, yes, yes.
18:07
Okay, so you guys, after that
18:12
you do your thing you try you
18:12
try you try. How long do you
18:18
guys try? Until nothing happens?
18:18
You know, in between this time?
18:23
You know, did you have any
18:23
bursts of not burst? But um,
18:29
what is the word I'm looking
18:29
for? Like? You thought you could
18:32
have been pregnant. So you know,
18:32
you took a pregnancy test? How
18:36
often would that happen? every
18:36
month,
18:39  Anna
every month, every month I
18:39
the lady at Walgreens knew who I
18:44
was. Which I have a very funny
18:44
stories remind me to share you
18:47
with that because it happened in
18:47
April. But this year, but uh, so
18:52
I would go every month to
18:52
Walgreens because we did not
18:57
have CVS at the time in town.
18:57
And I would get the clearblue
19:01
easy because it would say
19:01
pregnant or not pregnant and
19:05
every month for me to be able to
19:05
get through the the negative
19:10
results, I would have this
19:10
vision in my head of it showing
19:13
positive my reaction, my
19:13
husband's reaction, my in laws
19:18
reaction and my mom's reaction.
19:18
And I would kind of play that
19:22
over and over again to kind of
19:22
hype myself up to say, Okay, I'm
19:27
it's going to be positive. And I
19:27
would always do the test after
19:30
my husband left for work because
19:30
I didn't want him to see me
19:33
crumble. And and he would do
19:33
like the the the clear, easy
19:37
five day. So you could take it
19:37
five days before your period.
19:40
And I would and it would be
19:40
negative and then my period
19:43
would be late a day and then I
19:43
would get all excited again. And
19:46
then you know, it would it would
19:46
still not be and then I would
19:49
start and my bathroom floor was
19:49
my best friend for quite a few
19:53
years.
19:53  Melissa Bright
Yeah. So you
19:53
were taking a test every month
19:57
was it every month because there
19:57
were Some sign like you said, a
20:01
couple months you were late. Did
20:01
you decide to take a test every
20:05
month? Just because like you,
20:05
you just had to know right then?
20:08
Or was there always a sign of I
20:08
might be pregnant because such
20:12
and such has or hasn't happened?
20:14  Anna
I would have Phantom
20:14
symptoms. I would, I would think
20:17
I was pregnant and I would fake
20:17
myself out, I would feel
20:20
nauseous. My breasts would be
20:20
tender in the shower. I would
20:25
feel like I'm a little bloated,
20:25
I would have weird smells. The
20:28
metallic taste, as they said was
20:28
always a key factor. And I just
20:32
always felt like, Oh my gosh,
20:32
this is our month, because I had
20:35
such high hope. Because my
20:35
doctor said, we've planned you
20:39
out. You're good. There's no
20:39
reason not to write. Little did
20:42
he know.
20:45  Melissa Bright
So how long did
20:45
this continue on for for trying
20:49
and taking pregnancy tests?
20:49
Yeah, how long did that last
20:53  Anna
about a year? Because
20:53
finally my husband came to me
20:58
and he goes, Okay, he goes, hon,
20:58
it's not working. He goes, we
21:01
need to do something, because I
21:01
know you don't want help. He was
21:04
but we need help. Because we're
21:04
struggling and this isn't
21:07
working. You're miserable. I'm
21:07
miserable. I pulled back on
21:10
friends. I wasn't doing any
21:10
functions, no social functions.
21:14
I never wanted to do family
21:14
functions, I would go and I
21:17
would have to psych myself to go
21:17
because I was so fearful that
21:20
somebody was going to announce
21:20
they were pregnant, or I was
21:22
going to get that dreaded
21:22
question up. So what are you
21:25
Jeremy gonna have kids? Don't
21:26
you want kids?
21:27
How old are you now? Oh, you
21:27
better hurry. Right? every
21:32
social event?
21:34  Melissa Bright
Yeah. And that's
21:34
just, it's so crazy to think
21:40
that that simple thing like
21:40
happens. And it happens for a
21:45
lot of women for just being in
21:45
that situation and you not being
21:52
able to say what is really going
21:52
on, you have to essentially make
21:57
up a lie. And I know, on one of
21:57
your blog posts, you even talk
22:04
about you, you just kind of said
22:04
oh, we're just focusing on our
22:07
careers. And that, like was a
22:07
smack in the face to you. When
22:13
when the person responded and
22:13
said that you were selfish. Yes.
22:18
Yeah, I was like, people are
22:18
amazing. People are amazing. And
22:24
what they can say to you when
22:24
they have no idea what's going
22:28
on? I no longer friends with her
22:28
on Facebook. I did defend her.
22:33
Good for you. Good for you.
22:33
Because a good year, but I did.
22:38
Good for you. Yeah. Okay, so we
22:38
are you are in what year two?
22:44
year two or three of trying now
22:44
my surgery. So your three, year
22:50
three? And when you say that
22:50
your husband knew that you
22:54
didn't want to get help? What
22:54
kind of help? Did he mean?
22:57  Anna
synthetic help doctor help
22:57
someone that a specialist,
23:01
someone that could help. It
23:01
became a point where I went back
23:06
to my doctor, and I said, Okay,
23:06
this isn't working, we need
23:10
help. We want to be parents. So
23:10
my doctor recommended that I
23:14
went to a specialist. Becky at
23:14
parents fabulous. I mean, I
23:19
would recommend parents to
23:19
anybody. It's an amazing clinic.
23:22
They're as natural as can be.
23:22
And they specialized in IU eyes,
23:27
which is great.
23:29  Melissa Bright
Right? Are you i
23:30  Anna
i UI is they will take the
23:30
men sample and dilute it with a
23:36
special solution, pull out only
23:36
the very best sperms and then
23:43
insert it into my pathway. And
23:43
then I stay elevated for a good
23:47
20 minutes. And then that then
23:47
allows them to swim, find me and
23:52
then produce. And again, I was
23:52
told in multiple meetings with
23:58
not just my husband, but I would
23:58
bring my mother in law with me,
24:01
because I wanted her to
24:01
experience it with us because
24:04
she was a big part of it. And
24:04
they would tell me Oh, you know,
24:08
This usually happens the first
24:08
or second try. So get ready. And
24:12
I'm like, oh, okay, multiple
24:12
blood test. I was seeing her
24:15
probably four or five times a
24:15
month. And none of this is
24:18
covered by insurance. So you
24:18
know, checks come in, and we
24:22
write a check right back out.
24:22
And I would do multiple blood
24:26
tests and multiple counts. And
24:26
then she would call me and say
24:30
okay, you're getting ready to
24:30
ovulate. We need you to come in.
24:34
Then my husband would have to,
24:34
you know, provide me a sample
24:37
and right. Yeah, many funny many
24:37
funny stories.
24:42  Melissa Bright
Oh, I can't even
24:42
I cannot even imagine and I'm
24:46
sure at some point as much as
24:46
like you were going through you
24:50
had to kind of find some humor
24:50
or something during a little
24:55
late,
24:56  Anna
so we had a moment where
24:56
it was One of our first ones.
25:01
And so my husband had to, you
25:01
know, give a sample. And he in
25:07
our, in our old house in the
25:07
living room, we had pocket
25:09
doors. And he went into the
25:09
living room, and he had the
25:12
pocket door shots. And I
25:12
remember him going in there. And
25:15
I'm like, oh, he doesn't have
25:15
like a Kleenex or anything.
25:19
I have not found the pocket
25:20
door. And I'm like, Okay, I'm
25:20
just gonna open a little bit
25:22
here is some clean accident. I'm
25:22
like, oh my gosh. So you have a
25:29
little bit of humor there. But
25:29
then you get in the car, it's in
25:33
the brown paper bag, you have a
25:33
washcloth around it to keep it
25:36
you know, body temperature, and
25:36
you're driving as slow as you
25:40
can, because you can't do a lot
25:40
of movement, because it's in the
25:43
solution. And you're driving
25:43
from where we live out to
25:47
Chesterfield. And the whole
25:47
time, you're sitting in silence,
25:51
I'm holding this. And I mean,
25:51
tears are just running down my
25:54
face. Because I'm thinking this,
25:54
this could be it. This could be
25:57
our moment where we could be
25:57
parents, right? Like, this is
26:01
amazing. So again, filled with
26:01
all this hope and desire. And we
26:06
get there and we're we go into
26:06
the room. And the room was
26:09
absolutely spectacular. She had
26:09
it like a little guest room. So
26:12
it felt very warm and cozy. All
26:12
of her caliber instruments were
26:17
warm to the touch. So they
26:17
weren't cold. And I had to stay
26:23
elevated. And Jeremy and I were
26:23
sitting there while I was
26:27
laying, he was sitting next to
26:27
me. And I mean, tears are just
26:29
running down my face. And he
26:29
goes, Hey, what's going on? And
26:32
he's brushing them away. And I'm
26:32
like, this could be it. This
26:34
could be the story that we could
26:34
tell our kids that we could tell
26:37
our in laws and 25 days later,
26:37
it was enough. And you started
26:45
all over again.
26:46  Melissa Bright
Yeah. So you you
26:46
don't find out immediately. No,
26:51
no,
26:52  Anna
no, no. Because it's just
26:52
like when you're intimate with
26:56
your husband. And then the next
26:56
time you have your period, you
26:59
don't start and you're like, oh,
26:59
okay, maybe I'm pregnant. So we
27:03
had to wait, you know, about
27:03
2025 days. And then I was given
27:07
a schedule of after that when my
27:07
husband, I could be intimate on
27:11
these specific days. And I had
27:11
to end missionary so I could
27:15
stay elevated. Right? So it's a
27:15
lot of pressure.
27:19  Melissa Bright
That's what I
27:19
was just about to ask like, holy
27:22
shit.
27:23  Anna
Yeah, definitely not
27:23
enjoyable. Because you know, my
27:26
husband's in focus mode of
27:26
getting care of and I'm like,
27:29
okay, don't move too much. Just
27:29
lay here. Right? Yeah.
27:33  Melissa Bright
Wow, this is all
27:33
stuff like you're explaining
27:36
this so well, for somebody that
27:36
I have never been through this
27:40
or experienced this. So just
27:40
hear the story. And you explain
27:43
everything stuff that people
27:43
don't think about the guestroom
27:47
you talk about in the not
27:47
enjoyable sex, because you're
27:50
focused on so many different
27:50
things besides just having sex
27:55
with your husband? It's, it's
27:55
crazy. And I can't even imagine
28:00
I know that you have went
28:00
through, you went through 10
28:03
years of this, but not only 10
28:03
years, it was every month, every
28:11
time you would have sex every
28:11
time you would wonder if you had
28:15
your period. So basically 10
28:15
times 12. I, I cannot even
28:24
imagine. So, what what happened
28:24
after how many treatments? Are
28:31
we on with the infertility
28:31
treatments now? So we did 10 iu
28:37
eyes? How soon can you do those?
28:37
together? How far apart do they
28:44
have to be
28:45  Anna
depending on the person I
28:45
never miscarried, and I never
28:48
got pregnant, so I didn't need
28:48
downtime. So we were able to do
28:53
it every month if we wanted to.
28:53
And there were some months where
28:57
my numbers were so elevated, she
28:57
would discuss twins. And I would
29:02
immediately call my mom my
29:02
mother in law and say, okay, but
29:05
especialista saying I could have
29:05
twins and Thoreau said go for it
29:08
go for a will will help.
29:09
And so then we would have to do
29:09
two IU
29:11
eyes that month. And again, none
29:11
of these are covered by
29:15
insurance. So my husband worked
29:15
a lot of hours. And we paid a
29:21
lot of money for this. So you
29:21
have the emotional aspect of it.
29:25
And then you have the financial
29:25
aspect of it. And both of those
29:28
combined is can be very
29:28
tumultuous.
29:31  Melissa Bright
Yeah. There were
29:31
there's a lot of tears, a lot of
29:35
tears and what are you feeling?
29:35
I mean, at this point, you said
29:41
okay, so you did 10 different
29:41
and infertility treatments. At
29:47
what point did you guys say that
29:47
you're done, or did the doctor
29:54
make that decision for you? How
29:54
did you guys ultimately find out
29:59
You could not be parents.
30:02  Anna
So after the 10 iu II
30:02
treatments, we my husband, I had
30:07
a conversation we said as much
30:07
as we love Becky and love
30:11
parents, we need to try
30:11
something else. And at that time
30:15
IVF was starting to become kind
30:15
of a thing, if you will, a lot
30:21
of celebrity people were doing
30:21
it and coming out and kind of
30:24
mentioned that they had twins
30:24
because of IVF. So we've already
30:29
spent about, you know,
30:29
95 100,000 on all of this
30:34
between my surgeries and then
30:34
don't forget in between the 10
30:37
iu eyes. I also did Lupron shots
30:37
for six months, which put me in
30:40
early menopause to clear up the
30:40
endometriosis.
30:43  Melissa Bright
And that was
30:43
what are those just add them up?
30:46
Lupron shots,
30:48  Anna
you go to the doctor every
30:48
month, and they literally it's a
30:51
synthetic drug that puts you in
30:51
menopause temporarily.
30:55
Oh my god, that sounds awful. It
30:55
was
30:59
it to say those six months were
30:59
the worst months of my life. I
31:05
it's an understatement. It was
31:05
terrible. But my doctor said
31:09
that putting me in early
31:09
menopause will stop my
31:12
endometriosis from growing. And
31:12
it will allow me to you know,
31:17
get it cleared up, do another,
31:17
you know, surgery, and then be
31:23
able to go from there. So when
31:23
you get put into a synthetic
31:27
early menopause, the side
31:27
effects are worse than normal
31:33
menopause.
31:35  Melissa Bright
Oh my goodness.
31:35
So
31:38  Anna
it was one of those things
31:38
where the first couple months I
31:42
was fine. And I was like, oh,
31:42
I've got this no big deal. And
31:45
then month three, when I would
31:45
go in for my shot, they had to
31:50
do it in my you know, buttocks
31:50
hip area. And I would have to
31:54
walk and massage because I would
31:54
get terrible leg cramping. So I
31:58
would have my mom, I would take
31:58
the day off of work, my mom
32:00
would go with me. And we would I
32:00
would have my shot down, we
32:03
would go go to Starbucks. And
32:03
then we would go shopping at
32:06
like grab a glass or chest real
32:06
Valley and just walk around
32:10
aimlessly and keep my mind off
32:10
of it. But I went home I was
32:14
just in constant pain. But by
32:14
the third month, the synthetic
32:20
drugs took effect and I had
32:20
really bad hot flashes. To the
32:26
point where my felt like my skin
32:26
was burning from the inside out.
32:31
I would have sweat just pouring
32:31
off my body. And as a woman, you
32:36
just never feel fresh. And I had
32:36
terrible insomnia. I wasn't
32:40
sleeping, which led to me
32:40
forgetting everything, I would
32:44
have just moments where I could
32:44
not remember the day before.
32:48
Mood swings left and right.
32:48
During those six months, there
32:54
was no way Jeremy was touching
32:54
me. I was not in any mood to
32:57
even do anything like that. It
32:57
was it was bad. It was very,
33:02
very bad.
33:03  Melissa Bright
Yeah. Were you
33:03
required to do these shots? Or
33:07
did they just say hey, this
33:07
could help move along? You not
33:11
having any more endometriosis?
33:11
Like this is just another option
33:15
to give you guys some better
33:15
chances.
33:17  Anna
Yes, absolutely. Number
33:17
two, it was it was supposed to
33:21
help supposed to clear up the
33:21
endometriosis. And it was just a
33:24
temporary. The the issue was is
33:24
that part of the mood swings was
33:29
mentally too. And so I would
33:29
mentally decline and I would
33:33
feel extremely depressed. I'm a
33:33
very happy, outgoing person. And
33:37
I knew in my head it wasn't me.
33:37
But I also knew I could not get
33:42
these feelings to leave. And so
33:42
suicidal thoughts were creeping
33:45
into my brain on a regular
33:45
basis. It was bad. Very, it was
33:49
very terrible.
33:50  Melissa Bright
Yeah. So did you
33:50
decide to get off the shots
33:55
then? Or did they, the doctors,
33:57  Anna
I went through the full
33:57
six months, like they
33:59
recommended because I wanted to
33:59
do it and do everything we
34:03
could. And the very last shot
34:03
after it was done. It took about
34:07
three or so months for my body
34:07
to kind of feel normal again.
34:12
And then from there, you know,
34:12
we went and did another
34:15
laparoscopic, my third surgery
34:15
and they were like, okay, you
34:19
know, we've cleaned it out. You
34:19
know, you're good to go. You
34:22
know, give it a try now.
34:24  Melissa Bright
Yeah. And yeah,
34:24
where are your hopes at this
34:28
point? I mean, are you even at
34:28
this point? hopeful or I mean,
34:33
you have been let down time
34:33
after time after time after
34:35
time. Where are you at at this
34:35
point? emotionally, mentally? I
34:40
mean, do you still have hope
34:40
left?
34:43  Anna
Very defeated, very
34:43
defeated. So we got to a point
34:48
where we sold our house and we
34:48
were like, We don't want the
34:51
memories. We don't want to be
34:51
here anymore. We need to change.
34:54
We were done with our Lupron
34:54
shots. We were getting ready to
34:58
we were meeting with an IVF
34:58
specialist. Because it wasn't
35:00
working. And at this point,
35:00
we're like, we're gonna sell the
35:03
house, we're done. And we moved
35:03
into a condo that we were
35:07
renting for about six months to
35:07
a year, what we figured out was
35:11
we were going to build, we
35:11
wanted to build the dream house
35:14
with all the bedrooms and
35:14
bathrooms, the big backyard,
35:16
because we were going to have
35:16
kids, we never let go of that,
35:18
that faith and that hope. And we
35:18
bought a really fabulous cute
35:23
villa. It was huge. And it was
35:23
wonderful. And there was no
35:26
maintenance because my husband
35:26
said I don't want maintenance,
35:28
let's just live a free lifestyle
35:28
right now. And we moved in. And
35:33
that's when we started the IVF
35:33
journey of you know, possibly
35:37
doing that. And we met with the
35:37
IVF specialists out in
35:41
Chesterfield, I will not name
35:41
names, because I am not happy
35:44
with that specialist. And it
35:44
was, it was a terrible
35:50
experience. We were not able to
35:50
do IVF. That's that's when they
35:55
found out after all the blood
35:55
tests that I'm a carrier for
35:57
cystic fibrosis. And so we had a
35:57
three way call with a specialist
36:02
because he did not have time to
36:02
meet us after work. So we had to
36:06
do a phone call. My husband and
36:06
I, which I should have known in
36:10
that moment, that bedside manner
36:10
was not the greatest thing. He
36:15
was known. I mean, I had a lot
36:15
of clients that had used him and
36:19
gotten pregnant with kids. And a
36:19
friend of mine used him that we
36:23
still talk on, she had a great
36:23
experience with them. But he
36:27
informed us that our we
36:27
originally we were told 60 to
36:32
70% chance of getting pregnant
36:32
with IVF. And they were like we
36:38
can do this next month, we can
36:38
get you ready, get you
36:41
everything. It'll be about 3035
36:41
grand, you know, let's move
36:45
forward. Yeah. And we were like,
36:45
okay, 60 70% chance we could
36:49
live with that if we lose this
36:49
money on top of the 100,000. We,
36:54
we could live with that. And
36:54
then when he called us and said
36:58
I'm a carrier for cystic
36:58
fibrosis, and that is why you're
37:02
not conceiving because you're
37:02
not producing, you know, your
37:05
normal, I guess eggs or, or
37:05
embryos or whatnot, he goes
37:09
through all considered abnormal.
37:09
So now, if you want to move
37:12
forward with IVF, we're gonna
37:12
have to do a special task on
37:16
each one that we extract from
37:16
you. And it'll be three to
37:19
$5,000 just to ensure that that
37:19
egg is not a carrier with cystic
37:25
fibrosis, that way we can have
37:25
normal eggs and my husband are
37:29
like, okay, so it's 30 to 35
37:29
grand plus this. I don't this is
37:35
crazy. In the midst of all this,
37:35
we have friends now having
37:39
children.
37:40  Melissa Bright
Yeah. Holy crap.
37:40
cystic fibrosis, what is that?
37:49  Anna
I am still learning about
37:49
that. Because I was not at all
37:53
prepared to be told I was a
37:53
carrier. No one on my mom or
37:56
father side has it at all. I
37:56
know that you know, it. People
38:03
can live live with it. But it is
38:03
a very debilitating disease. And
38:09
I know it has something to do, I
38:09
believe it's like the bones and
38:12
the muscles. And it can just be
38:12
very treacherous. And it's not
38:16
something that obviously anybody
38:16
would want to how my mom is
38:21
still to this day, five years
38:21
later in shock that I'm a
38:24
carrier for this. And she'll
38:24
bring it up in random coffee
38:26
chats that her and I have. I
38:26
just can't believe you're a
38:29
carrier for this.
38:30
Where did this come
38:30
from?
38:31
I don't know, mom. I don't know.
38:33  Melissa Bright
So you're just a
38:33
carrier, which means like, so it
38:36
doesn't mean that you
38:36
necessarily have it. Correct.
38:40
But you could pass it on?
38:42  Anna
Yes. The likelihood of me
38:42
passing it is very high. He
38:45
said, wow.
38:47  Melissa Bright
And was there
38:47
any surprise in terms of should
38:51
any other doctors should have
38:51
caught this? Or is that not
38:55
something that they would
38:55
specialize in? So there's no way
38:58
that they could have caught
38:58
that? You are first of all that
39:01
you were a carrier for cystic
39:01
fibrosis and second of all, that
39:05
you had abnormal eggs that
39:05
weren't even taking?
39:09  Anna
Yeah, so no, I mean,
39:09
unless you were an actual
39:11
specialist. Like he wasn't he
39:11
did the blood tests and
39:15
everything he had special tests
39:15
he did on our blood to show what
39:20
carriers we were what we had.
39:20
But no, my other specialist
39:24
would not have even known how to
39:24
I don't even think know how to
39:27
do that or have the machines for
39:27
it. Because it's such a
39:29
specialized test.
39:31  Melissa Bright
Yeah. So once
39:31
you found out that you were a
39:34
carrier, once you found out it's
39:34
going to be another god how much
39:38
money What did you guys decide
39:38
to do?
39:42  Anna
So we looked at adoption,
39:42
because everyone's answer to it
39:46
when they would ask us when we
39:46
were going to have kids was
39:50
adopt because it's like going to
39:50
target and picking out your
39:52
Barbie girl. That's how they all
39:52
made it same. So in in the midst
39:57
of all that we all had. We had
39:57
friends have having children.
40:01
And now we were slowly sharing
40:01
with our two best friends. So at
40:06
this point, it is just our two
40:06
best friends who became kind of
40:10
our confidence. They they helped
40:10
us at our lowest of lows. They
40:14
were there for us when we needed
40:14
them. And we are godparents to
40:18
their children. They are they
40:18
are our children. And 100% they
40:22
are and when I was going
40:22
through, so I'm going to
40:25
backtrack just a little bit.
40:25
Yeah, I, I want to share this.
40:28
So when I was getting my Lupron
40:28
shots done, I would go to the
40:33
doctor, they would do the shot.
40:33
And as I mentioned, my mom would
40:36
be with me, and then we would
40:36
walk it, I would have moments
40:40
where we would walk into when
40:40
they had Babies R Us at the
40:45
time, we would walk into Babies
40:45
R Us because I had so many
40:48
friends getting pregnant, and I
40:48
had to get things off the
40:50
registry. But I could not get
40:50
myself to get the registry, and
40:55
I would walk aimlessly in the
40:55
store and just touch the
40:59
clothes. Just touch them, look
40:59
at them. Look at my mom, my mom
41:04
would cry, I would stand there
41:04
and cry. And she would say it's
41:07
going to be okay. And I would
41:07
say this is going to be me,
41:10
let's go pick out my bedding.
41:10
Let's go pick up my crib and my
41:13
mom would just rub my back. And
41:13
we would pick out exactly how
41:16
the nursery would look. And then
41:16
we would leave and you know, go
41:20
get something to eat. But in the
41:20
middle of one of my shots, I was
41:24
having really bad side effects.
41:24
I just spent the night at my
41:27
mom's I could not even drive
41:27
home. And my girlfriend at the
41:33
time was telling me that she was
41:33
going into labor and she wanted
41:38
us to head
41:38
up to the hospital.
41:39
Because that was years ago
41:39
before COVID you could have you
41:42
know, 2030
41:44
you know, you know the whole
41:44
thing
41:49
could not emotionally or
41:49
physically even attend and I
41:53
text her and I go I am so
41:53
excited for you. We're not going
41:56
to make it I'm so sorry. I'm
41:56
sick. When I had another
42:01
girlfriend who in the midst of
42:01
my Lupron shots had her
42:03
daughter's first birthday. And I
42:03
texted her and I go I I'm not
42:08
able to make it. I am so sorry.
42:08
I have your daughter's gift, I
42:11
will come by separately. And
42:11
we'll you know do a big to do.
42:15
Yeah, she was so mad at me for
42:15
not showing up and being there
42:19
for her that she cut me out of
42:19
her and her daughter's life. And
42:22
I have not spoken to her since
42:22
because she did not know what
42:27
was going on in my world. I did
42:27
not share it. And shame on me
42:30
for not. But I also feel the
42:30
same time if you're friends with
42:34
someone and they say they're not
42:34
feeling good. And they can't
42:36
make something give them the
42:36
benefit of the doubt. Right. But
42:39
that's when I realized in those
42:39
moments, I couldn't hold it
42:43
anymore. You know, I write I had
42:43
to share. So that's when we
42:46
started sharing with our best
42:46
friends. And it was comforting
42:49
to have them there.
42:51  Melissa Bright
Yeah. Do you
42:51
have any regrets of not sharing
42:55
earlier? with people? No,
42:59  Anna
I don't. Now, if we were
42:59
going through it, I would tell
43:03
the whole world But back then.
43:03
It was not something that you
43:06
talked about. And I couldn't
43:06
deal with the questions because
43:09
once family members found out
43:09
every time we would go to any
43:15
family function, they would
43:15
stare at me and wait for me to
43:18
pick up an alcoholic beverage or
43:18
bottle water. And if it was a
43:22
bottle of water, you'd see him
43:22
go like this. Wow. Every time
43:28
and then the questions. So you
43:28
know, you know, a friend of mine
43:34
daughter just did this and she's
43:34
going to be a grandma. Have you
43:38
tried that? Yeah. Okay. And it
43:38
was it was the question after
43:43
question after question. And
43:43
then when I would take a drink
43:47
of wine, they
43:47
go, Oh,
43:49  Melissa Bright
yeah, we'll pray
43:49
for you. said, Okay. Thank you.
43:53
They just treat you differently.
43:55  Anna
Yes.
43:56  Melissa Bright
Oh, my gosh.
43:56
Yeah. It's, it's really hard
44:01
because I, you know, I've never
44:01
Well, I guess to the best of my
44:07
knowledge, I've never been in
44:07
this situation. And I can't say
44:10
how I would act, how I would
44:10
talk to you if you are my friend
44:13
in terms of like, sometimes I
44:13
tried to give people the benefit
44:18
of the doubt because sometimes
44:18
I'm not good with words. I'm
44:20
like, Oh my god, what do I say
44:20
to Ana I, I know she's going
44:24
through this thing where maybe I
44:24
don't know. And I just say
44:27
something that flies out of my
44:27
mouth, but not intentional. But
44:31
for you, every conversation
44:31
every interaction is is
44:35
something or this person is
44:35
trying to educate me to go do
44:39
this. This other person's
44:39
judging me because I just picked
44:41
up a glass of wine. It's just,
44:41
it's crazy. And that's why I'm
44:45
glad you're telling your story
44:45
not only for other people that
44:48
are going through this but for
44:48
people that are friends and
44:51
family members of people going
44:51
through this that need to maybe
44:56
kind of understand a little bit
44:56
have a Little bit more
45:00
compassion. It's it's really
45:00
sad. So you lost. You lost
45:06
another friend also, didn't you?
45:06
Yes, I did. I think I put that
45:12
in my blog. You did?
45:15  Anna
Back and forth with my
45:15
husband. It's like, do it. I
45:18
mean, it's real. It's now to do
45:18
it. Yeah.
45:21  Melissa Bright
Do you want to
45:21
talk about that one? Sure. Okay,
45:24
so let's talk about that. Yeah.
45:24
So where are you in that? At
45:28
that point in the stage of
45:28
losing that friend like in your
45:32
treatment
45:33  Anna
with the phone call? Yeah.
45:33
So that was towards the
45:38
beginning of the treatments. It
45:38
was we were a few years in, we
45:41
were still in our old house. And
45:41
I was getting ready to start the
45:46
Lupron shots. And my, so my
45:46
house, the house that we first
45:52
bought, because you know, we
45:52
were young, we didn't really
45:54
have any money. And you know,
45:54
again, treatments are out of
45:57
control. We bought my husband's
45:57
parents house, and I love my
46:01
husband's parents house. It is
46:01
like four squares. And it was
46:04
like, I think 1560 square feet
46:04
for the main, the top and the
46:11
bottom. I mean, small and
46:11
fabulous, but small. So I mean,
46:16
there really wasn't a guestroom
46:16
because the upstairs didn't have
46:19
AC and heat. So whenever my
46:19
brother in law would come home
46:22
from college, he would always
46:22
stay on our couch. And then you
46:25
know, we had our bedroom. So it
46:25
was like six in the morning. And
46:29
my brother in law was asleep on
46:29
the couch. And my cell phone, my
46:33
girlfriend's actually said, Hey,
46:33
you know, can you talk, and as
46:36
soon as she texted me and I
46:36
looked, I was like, son of a
46:39
bitch.
46:41
She's pregnant. I just,
46:42
I just knew it. I'm like, she's
46:42
pregnant. I just I know, she's
46:45
pregnant. She's gonna tell me
46:45
she's pregnant. When you go
46:48
through infertility treatments,
46:48
you become very hypersensitive
46:52
to pregnancy. So I have been
46:52
known to know when people are
46:56
pregnant before they know
46:56
they're pregnant.
46:59
Why? I
46:59
said, I'm like, you're pregnant.
46:59
And they're like, no, I go, No,
47:02
you you're very much pregnant.
47:02
And then they won't start that
47:06
month, take a test and it says
47:06
positive. And I don't know why
47:10
and how. It's not something I
47:10
like, and I enjoy that kind of
47:15
sense it and so I said, I'm up,
47:15
you can call me and she called
47:19
me and I'm, you know, quiet
47:19
because my brother in law's
47:22
sleeping in the next room and
47:22
again, small house. And I'm
47:25
like, No, Hey, what's going on?
47:25
She's like, so listen, I wanted
47:28
to talk to you. Okay. She goes,
47:28
we're pregnant. And I said,
47:34
that's great. Congratulations.
47:34
And she goes, we're pregnant
47:37
with twins. And I'm like, Oh,
47:37
I'm like, That is awesome. I'm
47:41
like, congratulations. That's
47:41
great. I'm so excited for you
47:44
guys. Because they just gotten
47:44
pregnant or just got married.
47:46
And she was like, thanks, and,
47:46
and I go, so you haven't boys or
47:50
girls? And
47:51
she goes, Oh, we don't
47:52
know yet. And I said, Okay, go,
47:52
Well, whatever you need, I'm
47:54
here for you. And, and she was
47:54
like, okay, and we talked for a
47:58
little bit after that. And then
47:58
we got off the phone. So I did
48:02
not call my husband because
48:02
again, brother in law sleep your
48:04
next room. And then you know, I
48:04
left for work. And I told my
48:08
husband later that night and and
48:08
I got a phone call from her
48:13
husband letting me know later
48:13
that night that she almost
48:18
miscarried, because of the
48:18
stress I put her under because I
48:21
was not excited enough for her.
48:21
I was not grateful enough for
48:24
her. And she then internalized
48:24
got really upset. And I don't
48:29
know how we're going to be
48:29
friends. And it was a whole big
48:31
to do and I'm just sitting in
48:31
their living room crying like Do
48:34
you have any idea what I'm going
48:34
through? Like, I could not be
48:37
any more excited. I even said I
48:37
go. I'm quiet because my brother
48:41
in law was sleeping on the
48:41
couch, like the next turnaround.
48:45
So I'm not screaming at six in
48:45
the morning. But yeah, it was
48:49
just terrible. I only stayed
48:49
friends a little bit after that.
48:53
But it's slowly departed.
48:55  Melissa Bright
Yeah. So the
48:55
thing I'll say about that, and
48:59
what it sounds like is she had
48:59
expectations on how she wanted
49:03
you and thought you would react.
49:03
And then when you didn't. Now
49:07
it's all your fault. Yes. Yes,
49:07
absolutely. That is messed up.
49:13
Yeah. And I just hope, I just
49:13
hope that people understand that
49:16
because I do that all the time.
49:16
I have like expectations of what
49:19
I think my boyfriend is gonna
49:19
say. And he doesn't and I'm
49:21
like, Ah, that did not play out
49:21
like I wanted to, but that's not
49:25
his fault. No, cuz I had
49:25
expectations on that shit.
49:29
Absolutely. Oh, yeah. 100%.
49:29
Yeah. Oh, my girl. Yeah. So you
49:35
lost friends. Definitely during
49:35
this whole to do?
49:39  Anna
Yes.
49:41  Melissa Bright
Unfortunately,
49:41
or that's so unfortunate. And
49:44
but I mean, sometimes people
49:44
show their their true colors and
49:49
you're probably better off.
49:51  Anna
Yes. Well, you you find
49:51
out who your true friends are
49:53
when you hit rock bottom. Yep.
49:53
And who's there because you
49:56
can't always be friends with
49:56
someone just for the good times.
49:58
There's got to be some Bad times
49:58
in there too. And
50:01  Melissa Bright
absolutely, we
50:01
had. Yeah, exactly. I completely
50:05
agree. Okay, so now here we are.
50:05
We are we are. Fast forward. I
50:12
know we kind of have skipped
50:12
around a little bit, and that's
50:14
totally okay. At what point did
50:14
you guys decide? or How did you
50:20
come to the conclusion that you
50:20
weren't going to do this? I
50:23
guess we didn't. We didn't talk
50:23
about Did you guys decide to do
50:26
the IVF? Even though you found
50:26
out you were a carrier of the
50:29
cystic fibrosis?
50:31  Anna
No, we did not. Mostly
50:31
because we then were told that
50:35
our chances would drop down to
50:35
20%. And the IVF specialist did
50:41
not recommend that we do it,
50:41
that we would not be a good
50:43
candidate for it. Okay. So we
50:43
were we, it felt like a punch in
50:47
the gut. And we were like, okay,
50:47
so we looked at adoption, that
50:51
was never something I was 100%
50:51
on board, but my husband was. So
50:56
I said, Okay, well, I'm gonna
50:56
look into it. And you know,
50:58
we'll go from there. And I
50:58
called so I am Jewish. My
51:01
husband is Catholic. So I called
51:01
a Jewish adoption agency, a
51:05
Catholic adoption agency, and
51:05
then the American adoption
51:08
agency. And so the the religious
51:08
adoption agencies, they're
51:17
absolutely wonderful. So you,
51:17
you get the children that, you
51:22
know, oops, you know, it
51:22
happens. We don't believe in
51:28
abortion. So, you know, we're
51:28
going to give our child up. So,
51:31
you know, the child's coming
51:31
from a home where there's no
51:33
smoking, no drinking, no drugs.
51:33
It was just, you know, yeah,
51:37
those things. The the issue that
51:37
we had was those specific
51:42
adoption agencies that we
51:42
called, again, very nice. I
51:46
mean, they're just they're
51:46
wonderful people, but they are
51:48
very much about the mothers
51:48
rights. The the woman carrying
51:52
the child, so they want that
51:52
mother involved in the child's
51:55
life, as like a co parent. So
51:55
Facebook and Thanksgivings, and
52:00
Halloweens together. And I said,
52:00
No, no, no, this is gonna be my
52:04
child. They don't. And she said,
52:04
No, no, no, we have to respect
52:08
both sides. And I said, well,
52:08
then this is not the agency for
52:11
us. So thank you so much. The
52:11
American one that we called,
52:17
very nice on the phone, we never
52:17
did sit down and have a face to
52:19
face because her questions were
52:19
a little intrusive. She asked me
52:26
what race I was, and what race
52:26
my husband was, and what race we
52:30
want for a child. And I said,
52:30
Well, we would like our child to
52:33
look like us. Because it's not
52:33
something we're not gonna be
52:36
like, this is our adopted baby,
52:36
this is going to be our child.
52:38
And when the child is of
52:38
whatever age, we'll have that
52:41
that difficult conversation, but
52:41
all intents and purposes, it's
52:44
our child. She said, Well, if
52:44
you are of a certain race or a
52:50
certain ethnicity, then you get,
52:50
you know, a different rate.
52:55
Because we want everyone to be
52:55
treated equal. And I said, Okay,
52:57
that's great. We're white, we
52:57
want a white baby. Okay, how
53:02
much do you make a year? And I
53:02
said, Well, what does that
53:05
matter? We can afford to take
53:05
care of a child? Well, we need
53:08
to know what your annual income
53:08
is. that'll tell us what bracket
53:11
you're in. So we know what
53:11
package you're going to be in.
53:14
So I told her, and she said,
53:14
Okay, so you're at our top
53:17
package. So it's gonna be about
53:17
$50,000 for you guys to adopt.
53:23
And it's a three year contract
53:23
that we would sign I see your
53:26
face, you're kind of like, Wait,
53:26
what?
53:31  Melissa Bright
No, dude,
53:33  Anna
I yeah, so it gets better.
53:33
So we would pay for so we would
53:36
we would create a book. And our
53:36
friends would create the books
53:41
with us, they would interview
53:41
the families, every woman,
53:43
right? You know about us. And we
53:43
would have to have a nursery
53:47
fully set up. So that way, you
53:47
know, Child Services come in
53:52
their lawyers come in, see that
53:52
we have a room with whatever
53:55
gender we were wanting for a
53:55
child. I wanted a little girl
53:57
because I want her to look just
53:57
like me. I mean, what, what
54:00
woman doesn't want a little girl
54:00
I know. Right? Hello. So and
54:06
then, you know, from there, they
54:06
would do the interview process.
54:10
And then they would send like
54:10
our video and our books to the
54:13
expectant mothers and they would
54:13
go through and meet with us and
54:16
whatnot, and then they'll
54:16
choose. So what a lot of people
54:19
don't realize is that until the
54:19
biological mom actually signs
54:26
off, she has x amount of days
54:26
after giving birth to change her
54:29
mind. So I think for the state
54:29
of Missouri, it was like 72
54:33
hours. So after they after they
54:33
have the child, we would be
54:37
called to the hospital. We could
54:37
be there we could be in the room
54:40
depending on the relationship we
54:40
have hold our child and they
54:43
whisk the birth mom away. And we
54:43
now have this child, the child's
54:47
ours in our arms, but she could
54:47
come back at any moment within
54:50
those three days and say, Oh,
54:50
no, I changed my mind. I want my
54:53
kid and we have to hand the
54:53
child over. And then if she does
54:57
not and she signs off her rights
54:57
if the father is not Out in the
55:00
picture, you know, we have to go
55:00
through all of this to put it
55:03
out there like in the news
55:03
media, in the newspaper
55:06
magazines, whatever social media
55:06
to try to get that person to
55:10
come forward and get rid of his
55:10
rights. And then you have that
55:13
six month temporary custody
55:13
where you have people coming in
55:16
and out of the house checking in
55:16
wellbeing, and then you go to
55:19
court, and then they say, okay,
55:19
yes. Now it's official, that he
55:23
or she is your child, you know,
55:23
adoption, hit the gavel, this is
55:27
the name. So there was so much
55:27
going with that. And I could not
55:32
wrap my brain around this whole
55:32
process. So I have not I started
55:40
writing a blog about this, and I
55:40
never finished it because I
55:43
just, it's just so surreal. So
55:43
we had a meeting with my
55:48
husband's praise to is fabulous.
55:48
Because I we went to him I
55:52
called I said, Okay, we are
55:52
looking at adoption, can you
55:55
help me like I don't know what
55:55
to do. So he got he got a
55:58
parishioner who they are married
55:58
with two children, they adopted,
56:02
we met with them. And she had
56:02
two children, two boys, blond
56:09
hair, blue eyes sitting out in
56:09
the waiting room, and I just
56:11
kept looking at them. And they
56:11
look just like her. And I kept
56:14
looking, I'm like did you adopt?
56:14
And she says, Well, one I
56:17
adopted and one I accidentally
56:17
got pregnant with. And I said,
56:21
Oh, because they look like they
56:21
could be twins. She goes I know.
56:24
And she told us her experience.
56:24
It took them five years. It cost
56:29
them over $60,000. But her mom
56:29
and his mom helped them. And
56:35
they each wrote half of the
56:35
money check. So because they
56:39
didn't have the funds for it.
56:39
Yeah. Very nice, loving couple.
56:44
She went on to say that she has
56:44
a very deep connection with her
56:49
adopted son, not so much with
56:49
her biological son, like she
56:54
thought she would because she
56:54
brought they brought their
56:56
adopted son home. And within
56:56
that month, she wound up getting
57:00
pregnant naturally, which she
57:00
never thought she could. And so
57:03
now they have these two boys,
57:03
and life is amazing. And she
57:06
gave me a book that I actually
57:06
just got rid of a couple years
57:09
ago. And it's it was a child
57:09
book about being adopted,
57:13
because she said it was
57:13
important that you tell your
57:15
child from day one that they are
57:15
adopted. And I said so like a
57:21
two year old, you're gonna tell
57:21
them they're adopted? And she
57:24
said, Yes. I said, Why? And she
57:24
said, because they need to know
57:28
that this is their path and
57:28
their journey. And I said, No
57:31
disrespect, I do not agree with
57:31
you. So I will I if we go
57:34
forward with this, I'm not
57:34
telling my child at two years
57:36
old that he or she has adopted,
57:36
like one other conversation with
57:39
their older and it will not it
57:39
won't be a Lifetime movie. But
57:44
are there 16 looking further,
57:44
you know, person to get and then
57:46
oh my gosh, are adopted and
57:46
won't be like that. But it'll be
57:50
a you know, authentic
57:50
conversation. And I said I go so
57:53
can I ask you in your journey?
57:53
Did you guys try? Are you is did
57:56
you try IVF? And she said no,
57:56
that that's not God's way. And
58:02
she did not want to test you
58:02
baby. So I looked at my husband
58:08
and I said, I'm done. We can we
58:08
can leave. So we graciously said
58:11
thank you so much. We walked out
58:11
of the church. And then I just
58:16
bought, yeah, he said, I can't
58:16
do this anymore.
58:20  Melissa Bright
This is all that
58:20
was your that was your moment
58:24
that you were done. Whatever
58:24
like with with giving up.
58:28  Anna
That was the start of it.
58:28
There's not really a specific
58:34
moment, it came to a point where
58:34
my husband and I, we were now in
58:38
our new house and I wasn't on
58:38
any of the synthetic drugs. I
58:43
was working out losing my
58:43
hormone weight, I was in a new
58:46
position with with a new company
58:46
and I was thriving and he was
58:50
thriving in his new position at
58:50
his company. And we said we're
58:54
going to take a break and give
58:54
it like six months and just kind
58:57
of reconnect emotionally,
58:57
physically, mentally with our
59:01
marriage because our marriage
59:01
was breaking in that little
59:04
condo, we were renting. And we
59:04
had a conversation with his
59:09
parents. And we told them we
59:09
just we're going to stop right
59:13
now. We just can't keep going.
59:13
We just it's just not working.
59:17
And his mom and dad were very,
59:17
very sweet and kind and just
59:21
told us they loved us and said
59:21
we're here, whatever you want.
59:24
My mom was like, I I could care
59:24
less like we love you. Let's
59:28
just go have a drink. Who cares?
59:28
It wasn't until we gotten to
59:35
this last house. Because we were
59:35
like we're just gonna sell the
59:38
townhouse for buying a house. I
59:38
don't care if it's big. This is
59:41
what we're gonna do that I was
59:41
like, Okay, I'm on the fence. I
59:45
don't know what to do. And I was
59:45
we were sitting at cyber eggs
59:51
with my brother in law, his
59:51
wife, my mother and father in
59:55
law, my mom and Jeremy and I and
59:55
we were having dinner. And I
1:00:01
kept looking at Sammy, which is
1:00:01
my sister in law. And I kept
1:00:04
looking at her, kept looking at
1:00:04
him like, she's not pregnant,
1:00:09
but she wants to be pregnant.
1:00:09
Like, I think they're trying and
1:00:12
all of a sudden was like a punch
1:00:12
to the gut. And I was like, I
1:00:15
need to have a conversation with
1:00:15
her. And so we got back to our
1:00:20
house, our new house that we're
1:00:20
in now, and I took her aside and
1:00:22
I go, Hey, are you okay? And she
1:00:22
said, can I go? Can I ask you a
1:00:27
really inappropriate question?
1:00:27
And she goes, Okay, and I go,
1:00:31
are you guys trying to get
1:00:31
pregnant and she kind of gave me
1:00:33
like a look, and I go, I just
1:00:33
feel like you guys are trying to
1:00:37
get pregnant. She goes, actually
1:00:37
we are. And I was like, Okay, I
1:00:39
go on here. If anything, I go,
1:00:39
you know, what we went through?
1:00:42
By no means are they struggling?
1:00:42
And were they struggling, no
1:00:45
infertility on their part. They
1:00:45
literally just started like that
1:00:47
month, but I was just very
1:00:47
intrusive. It was like, I had a
1:00:50
question to ask you. Again, get
1:00:50
that like, you know, Lily, and
1:00:55
her and I went for a walk later
1:00:55
that weekend, and we just
1:00:58
chatted, and she asked me, so
1:00:58
question about we were going
1:01:00
through, and my husband came
1:01:00
home from work, and he goes,
1:01:04
Hey, so Joshua, Sammy want us to
1:01:04
come by Joshua has a bottle of
1:01:08
wine He wants you to try. And I
1:01:08
looked at him, I go, they're
1:01:11
pregnant. And Jeremy goes, What
1:01:11
do you mean, I go, No, they're
1:01:13
they're gonna tell us they're
1:01:13
pregnant. And he goes, really?
1:01:16
And I go, yeah, and he goes,
1:01:16
Okay, I
1:01:18
go. I don't know if I can do
1:01:18
this. And he was like, What do
1:01:22
you mean? And I said, we were
1:01:22
supposed to be the ones to give
1:01:26
your parents a grandchild. And
1:01:26
now they're going to, I'm like,
1:01:30
the entire world has just been
1:01:30
shifted. And I said, Okay, and
1:01:34
we went over there. And they
1:01:34
told us they were pregnant in
1:01:37
the sweetest, most wonderful
1:01:37
way. It's one of those moments
1:01:41
where impacts you, and it will
1:01:41
stay with you for the rest of
1:01:45
your life. I've got a handful of
1:01:45
those. Yeah, my proposal was one
1:01:49
meeting, my husband was one and
1:01:49
this is one, and it will never
1:01:52
leave me like it. In that
1:01:52
moment. I was like, Okay. Our
1:01:57
entire family life is shifting.
1:01:57
She's gonna give mom and dad a
1:02:02
grandchild. And it's not going
1:02:02
to be mean. Oh, my God. I don't
1:02:06
know how to process and I
1:02:06
didn't, I didn't process for
1:02:08
months, I refuse to talk about
1:02:08
it. They, you know, karma works
1:02:13
in mysterious ways. And I swear
1:02:13
to you God's really funny
1:02:16
because they told us that
1:02:16
Thanksgiving. They wanted to
1:02:20
tell everybody that they were
1:02:20
pregnant at our house. And I go
1:02:23
at my house on Thanksgiving, my
1:02:23
house, my Thanksgiving, because
1:02:27
I'm the hostess. So everything
1:02:27
only functions at my house. I am
1:02:30
like queen bee. Right? And I
1:02:30
said, Okay, and so I again told
1:02:35
nobody, no friends, no family,
1:02:35
no nothing. And they announced
1:02:40
it, I have it on my phone
1:02:40
recorded. I haven't shared with
1:02:44
anybody. And as soon as they
1:02:44
announced it, I went into our
1:02:48
bathroom, I shut the door and I
1:02:48
ugly, cried on the bathroom
1:02:53
floor and just sobbed and I
1:02:53
sobbed for my husband I sad for
1:02:57
me, I sad for the family. I
1:02:57
sobbed for them. And it was
1:03:02
happy, sad, angry tears. And I
1:03:02
said, Okay, I have two choices.
1:03:07
I can either be really
1:03:07
miserable, or I can be really
1:03:10
happy for them. And I, I chose
1:03:10
happy. And it was hard. And it
1:03:18
was it was stressful. And it was
1:03:18
emotional and a lot of tears.
1:03:21
But I chose to celebrate the
1:03:21
fact that my mother and father
1:03:27
in law are grandparents. And
1:03:27
that was something we prayed for
1:03:30
for 10 years. differently.
1:03:32  Melissa Bright
Yeah. Wow. Oh,
1:03:32
my goodness. And I mean, like
1:03:38
you said at that at that moment,
1:03:38
you had to choose, because you
1:03:42
went you were going through so
1:03:42
many different emotions and for
1:03:47
you to even, you know, even
1:03:47
publicly say like how you felt.
1:03:52
But that's how you felt how
1:03:52
could you not feel a little bit
1:03:56
of anger? I mean, you wanted to
1:03:56
give this to both of your
1:04:01
parents for for 10 years. And it
1:04:01
didn't happen that way.
1:04:08  Anna
No, it's funny, because I
1:04:08
had a conversation. My husband I
1:04:11
both did with my mother and
1:04:11
father in law. After, you know,
1:04:16
they announced and we all knew
1:04:16
and we had conversation, because
1:04:19
they were kind of like, what do
1:04:19
we talk about it? Like, what do
1:04:22
we do because we didn't want
1:04:22
awkwardness. And we were talking
1:04:26
and I said, Listen, I we're so
1:04:26
excited for you guys. It's gonna
1:04:29
be different. It's going to be
1:04:29
amazing. There's gonna be tears,
1:04:31
but it's positive. And mom and
1:04:31
dad both said that. us never
1:04:37
having children does not change
1:04:37
how they feel about us and does
1:04:40
not change our relationship and
1:04:40
they love us no matter what.
1:04:43
Right? And I was like, Okay, I
1:04:43
take that with me. And it
1:04:47
hasn't, you know, our
1:04:47
relationship is stronger than
1:04:49
it's ever been. And my mother in
1:04:49
law and I are super close, very
1:04:52
good friends and she gets to be
1:04:52
a grandma and I have a new niece
1:04:56
and Sammy facetimed me on my
1:04:56
birthday. They with Leah, that's
1:05:01
my niece and Leah, is 15 months
1:05:01
old. And so she knows how to
1:05:04
blow kisses. So she was blowing
1:05:04
in Tiana. Which I'm like, how do
1:05:09
you not find joy in that? That's
1:05:09
amazing.
1:05:11  Melissa Bright
All right. Yeah.
1:05:11
So you guys at this point had
1:05:16
have basically kind of called it
1:05:16
quits? How do you find
1:05:23
happiness? After going through
1:05:23
all of that? What did your What
1:05:29
did you do day to day to get
1:05:29
back to feeling like a woman?
1:05:36
I'm assuming, and tell me if I'm
1:05:36
wrong that you had lost maybe
1:05:40
some of your self worth, if not
1:05:40
all of your self worth? How do
1:05:44
you find yourself worth again?
1:05:44
Talk to me about some of those
1:05:48
things. Because I know that
1:05:48
there are women out there that
1:05:50
are currently going through
1:05:50
this. And they might have just
1:05:54
gotten the news or decided to
1:05:54
completely give up or not try
1:05:58
anymore. So we're what do you do
1:05:58
day to day to get better to find
1:06:02
happiness.
1:06:03  Anna
So the first thing, the
1:06:03
most important thing is to
1:06:06
realize that I am still a woman,
1:06:06
whether I have a child or not,
1:06:10
whether I am a parent or not, I
1:06:10
am still a woman. And once I let
1:06:14
that go, that non worth because
1:06:14
I'm not a mom. The rest of it
1:06:20
slowly started falling into
1:06:20
place. I had to remind myself
1:06:23
every morning as I was putting
1:06:23
my makeup on or brushing my
1:06:26
hair, I am worth it. I am
1:06:26
enough. And I am a woman I am no
1:06:31
longer broken. And I started
1:06:31
sharing, I started telling more
1:06:35
people, people would ask me if
1:06:35
you guys have kids, we can't. My
1:06:38
husband started saying that.
1:06:38
They're like, what are you mean,
1:06:40
you can't? We tried for 10
1:06:40
years? Oh my god. Oh, I'm so
1:06:43
sorry. It sucks. Do you have
1:06:43
kids? Oh, you do? Great. Okay,
1:06:48
I'm moving on. I know. It was
1:06:48
one of those if you're going to
1:06:52
ask me, the most obnoxious for
1:06:52
me the most obnoxious question
1:06:57
you can ask somebody is Do you
1:06:57
have children? Why would that be
1:07:00
your first question? There's so
1:07:00
many of the questions you could
1:07:03
ask me than then I'm going to
1:07:03
give you an honest answer. And I
1:07:06
started sharing it more I
1:07:06
started talking about it more. I
1:07:11
was open with the fact that this
1:07:11
is what we went through and I
1:07:16
redecorated the house because I
1:07:16
realized I don't need you know,
1:07:20
this non existent baby room that
1:07:20
was just sitting there empty,
1:07:24
let's make it a workout room.
1:07:24
I'm going to do something for me
1:07:27
I want to get back into my size
1:07:27
six genes from all the
1:07:30
infertility treatments. So I
1:07:30
started working out I got a
1:07:33
personal trainer lost my weight.
1:07:33
You know, little things like
1:07:37
that reconnecting with my
1:07:37
husband. So the one thing with
1:07:41
infertility is you have so much
1:07:41
hate and anger and you tend to
1:07:46
lash out at the ones you love.
1:07:46
And you have to stay strong. You
1:07:49
have to so my husband is my
1:07:49
rider die. He is my rock I am
1:07:53
his and we are so happy when we
1:07:53
are together. So we started
1:07:56
doing date nights. So whenever
1:07:56
randomly and I totally recommend
1:08:00
that you do this with your with
1:08:00
your boyfriend because it is so
1:08:02
much fun. We will like on a
1:08:02
random Tuesday night if we're
1:08:05
both low stress from work he'll
1:08:05
put on YouTube because everyone
1:08:08
has smart TVs put on you know,
1:08:08
whatever music you like country
1:08:12
music, r&b, 70s, rock, whatever,
1:08:12
put on the videos, pour yourself
1:08:17
a glass of wine, sit at your
1:08:17
island or bar or sit on the
1:08:20
couch, have some chips, you
1:08:20
know, have some you know, cheese
1:08:24
and crackers or whatever. And
1:08:24
just talk and laugh and cheers.
1:08:27
And every once a while having
1:08:27
poorly in the living room.
1:08:31  Melissa Bright
Yeah,
1:08:32  Anna
it's just it is it's like
1:08:32
okay, date night, my husband
1:08:35
will text me Hey, want to have a
1:08:35
drink? Absolutely. Because for
1:08:38
10 years, there was no drinking.
1:08:38
I couldn't drink. I was drinking
1:08:42
because I could not have a kid
1:08:42
and I was trying to tell people
1:08:45
don't ask me I've got alcohol,
1:08:45
you know, and reconnecting
1:08:51
physically. I mean, we have a
1:08:51
4000 square foot home. So
1:08:58  Melissa Bright
Oh my god, I
1:08:58
love it. Can I ask you? I don't
1:09:03
know if this is a really
1:09:03
personal question. But I I'm
1:09:06
curious. Is there some relief
1:09:06
now to being done with trying
1:09:14
because now you and your husband
1:09:14
can connect again and there's
1:09:18
not that pressure, you guys can
1:09:18
go about your 4000 square foot
1:09:23
house and just do and just be
1:09:23
and enjoy each other's company.
1:09:28
Is there a level now to that at
1:09:28
all?
1:09:32  Anna
There is and it actually
1:09:32
just happened this year. So the
1:09:38
last, you know four years or so
1:09:38
of just trying to reconnect and
1:09:42
what is my purpose and who am I?
1:09:42
I'm not infertility. I'm onna
1:09:48
i'm i'm not childless. I am a
1:09:48
godmother. I'm an auntie. And
1:09:53
realizing that I can enjoy these
1:09:53
children and send them home.
1:10:00
It's, it's a different feeling.
1:10:00
Because before I would hold my
1:10:04
friends, kids, and then I would
1:10:04
mourn having to go home to an
1:10:07
empty house. So for us, it's,
1:10:07
it's about the communication.
1:10:12
And it's about realizing, okay,
1:10:12
I, I have a great career, we
1:10:17
have a beautiful home, let's,
1:10:17
you know, let's hang out with
1:10:21
our friends and enjoy life. And
1:10:21
I'll be honest, when I have
1:10:24
those moments of sadness, a
1:10:24
certain commercial might trigger
1:10:27
something, a song might trigger
1:10:27
something at Columbia days,
1:10:33
going to Columbia days, I went
1:10:33
with my best friend and my three
1:10:36
grandchildren, I had moments as
1:10:36
I'm holding Harley, my God,
1:10:39
daughter, and she's playing with
1:10:39
my hair and telling me, she
1:10:42
loves my earrings. I'm standing
1:10:42
there imagining if this was my
1:10:46
daughter, and this is what I'd
1:10:46
be doing. And then I got a
1:10:49
little sad, because I'm like,
1:10:49
whenever we're going to
1:10:51
experience that, and I go, Wait
1:10:51
a minute. But look what you're
1:10:54
doing. Now. Look at the moment
1:10:54
you're in, you're impacting this
1:10:57
little child's life. Yeah. And
1:10:57
when you start realizing that
1:11:02
you're not just infertility, it
1:11:02