The MindShift Podcast with Darrell Evans

What would happen if an expert in mindset, marketing, sales, and leadership with more than 30 years of entrepreneurship experience were willing to share the principles, playbooks, and processes he and his successful guests had learned with you? It would speed up your success. Welcome to The MindShift Podcast. Join host Darrell Evans and his amazing guests as they help you shift your mind so you can shift your results.

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76: The 7 Laws of Mindful Living with Vernon Foster II [transcript]


Building a bridge between worlds, people, and cultures through leveraging technology, the spoken word, and the pen, Vernon T. Foster II is no stranger to adventure and defying convention. 

When the world valued specialization, he sought to become a generalist. Vernon opted to treat his 20's and early 30's as an experiment for building skills and honing his philosophy. 

Little did he know nor envision that his lifestyle would serve as a catalyst for creating a global movement and framework that would inspire others to follow suit.

Tune into this episode to find out what Vernon believes failure is.

Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full Episode:

  1. Turning tragedy into triumph
  2. A bridge between worlds, people and cultures.
  3. Failure is the feedback used to steer our ship.


Enjoying The MindShift Podcast?

Click here to follow on Apple Podcasts? While there, please leave a 5-star rating and review. Also, if you haven't done so already, join the free MindShift Community to connect with other like-minded people. Don't forget to tag me @mrdarrellevans on Instagram. 

Thanks for listening,

Darrell


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 2021-09-28  40m
 
 
00:36  Vernon Foster II
The analogy I
00:36
give is like if you're traveling
00:39
somewhere, right? Let's say
00:39
you're going from San Francisco
00:43
to New York, you want to get to
00:43
your destination, if you have to
00:48
traverse the country to get
00:48
there, right, you can't take a
00:52
plane, you can't take a train,
00:52
no automobiles, you only can
00:55
carry the stuff that you can
00:55
carry with you the baggage. When
00:59
you start in New York and you're
00:59
going to San Francisco, you're
01:02
going to want as limited amount
01:02
of baggage as possible, right?
01:07
In order for you to be able to
01:07
increase the success rate of you
01:11
surviving and getting there. You
01:11
know, you want to be able to
01:15
carry as little baggage as
01:15
possible. What we tend to do in
01:18
life is any destination we're
01:18
heading, we're trying to carry
01:24
10,000 pounds on our back.
01:28  The MindShift Podcast
This is
01:28
The MindShift Podcast where we
01:31
share real stories, real
01:31
strategies that will help you
01:34
find real success. This is the
01:34
place to hear from people just
01:38
like you who have taken their
01:38
ideas, goals and dreams from a
01:41
point of inspiration to
01:41
realization or when life knock
01:44
them down from a point of
01:44
breakdown to breakthrough. I'm
01:48
your host Darrell Evans. Let's
01:48
get started with today's
01:50
episode.
01:55  Darrell Evans
Building a bridge
01:55
between worlds people and
01:58
cultures through leveraging
01:58
technology, the spoken word and
02:01
the pen. Vernon Foster is no
02:01
stranger to adventure and
02:05
defying convention. When the
02:05
world valued specialization, he
02:09
sought to become a generalist,
02:09
Vernon treated his 20s and early
02:13
30s as an experiment for
02:13
building skills and honing his
02:18
personal philosophy. Little did
02:18
he know nor envision that his
02:22
lifestyle would serve as a
02:22
catalyst for creating a global
02:25
movement and framework that
02:25
would inspire others to follow
02:29
suit. His work has been featured
02:29
in entrepreneur, General
02:33
Assembly, the good men project
02:33
and podcast movement. Hey guys,
02:37
get ready to meet my man Vernon
02:37
Foster. Vernon, how you doing,
02:43
sir? Welcome to the MindShift
02:43
Podcast,
02:46  Vernon Foster II
Darrell, it's
02:46
a real pleasure and honor to be
02:48
here. Thank you.
02:49  Darrell Evans
I'm excited to
02:49
have you here, man. We're gonna
02:51
have a great conversation around
02:51
mindful living and your book,
02:53
I'm super excited for our
02:53
audience to get to know who you
02:56
are. And you know what's in your
02:56
head and how you think about
02:59
happiness and freedom and
02:59
fulfillment. And, you know, it's
03:03
a rich conversation for
03:03
especially where we are right
03:05
now in these times. And so,
03:05
before we jump in, why don't you
03:08
tell our audience Where are you
03:08
calling in from?
03:10  Vernon Foster II
Yeah, I'm
03:10
currently based in Brooklyn, New
03:12
York. That's home for now. But I
03:12
hail from the small suburban
03:18
town, outside of Oviedo outside
03:18
of Orlando Vito Florida is where
03:23
I grew up. Where the mascot used
03:23
to be at one point, a chicken.
03:28
No joke, the chicken was our
03:28
mascot. And ironically enough,
03:33
there would be downtown is kind
03:33
of where the mascot was. And it
03:36
would walk around Popeye's.
03:42  Darrell Evans
That is, that's
03:42
too much, man. That's too How
03:45
are we gonna get to show off?
03:45
Now? How are we gonna get back
03:46
to seriousness after that, man.
03:49  Vernon Foster II
You gotta you
03:49
got to make them laugh, you got
03:51
to make them cry. So this will
03:51
be the laugh part.
03:53  Darrell Evans
Man, I love it.
03:53
You know, I want to say as we
03:55
get started right out of the
03:55
gate, you reached out, I can't
03:57
remember how our teams got
03:57
connected to get you on the
03:59
show. But I remember you reached
03:59
out to me and said Darryl, check
04:02
out your show, I listen to a
04:02
couple episodes I love you know,
04:04
a couple things I heard, I just
04:04
want to make sure that what I've
04:06
got to say is right for your
04:06
audience. And I just want to
04:08
state for the record. I really
04:08
appreciate the sincerity of your
04:13
outreach to in your genuineness
04:13
in saying, Yeah, I can come on
04:18
the show. But I don't know if
04:18
what I've got to say is right
04:22
for your audience. And so you
04:22
and I remember that conversation
04:24
got together a few months ago?
04:25  Vernon Foster II
I do.
04:26  Darrell Evans
And so I really
04:26
appreciate that because it just
04:28
shows your heart. And before we
04:28
even get it really get a chance
04:31
to know you. So I just want to
04:31
thank you publicly to the
04:34
listening audience just to let
04:34
them know a little bit about the
04:37
character, the individual
04:37
they're about to listen to
04:39
today. And I always love to say
04:39
that I'd love to bring people on
04:42
this show who have diverse
04:42
backgrounds, who all have done
04:45
something in their own journey,
04:45
but really who have a message to
04:49
share it. I knew that that was
04:49
your intent by reaching out and
04:51
saying, hey, before we say yes.
04:51
Let's make sure...
04:55  Vernon Foster II
Indeed.
04:56  Darrell Evans
A good fit. So
04:56
listen, let's dive in man. Tell
04:59
our listening audience a little
04:59
bit about Vernon Foster.
05:02  Vernon Foster II
Ah, well,
05:02
hopefully I won't go on a
05:04
diatribe here. I'll keep it
05:04
short. But for me, my life is I
05:09
kind of opened the chapter of my
05:09
life and even the book. We'll
05:12
talk about that later with
05:12
tragedy and triumph. Because
05:17
when I look back on my life, it
05:17
was always these tragic things
05:22
that have happened. But on the
05:22
other side of that was was
05:26
trying. I'll give you a perfect
05:26
example here. I'm a gold star
05:30
kid. So for the people who don't
05:30
know what that means is you had
05:34
a parent that was killed. In
05:34
Action, or more, more time in
05:39
the service, right, so a gold
05:39
star kid at two years old, my
05:43
father was killed in the Persian
05:43
Gulf. It was a huge loss to our
05:49
family. And that was my path
05:49
into the world. Right? So it's
05:55
like, how can you overcome that?
05:55
Right? How can you immediately
06:00
the first thing you're met with
06:00
is disappointment and defeat of
06:03
not growing up with a father and
06:03
you have to meet these things
06:07
head on. But the other side of
06:07
that the flip side, which, you
06:11
know, I know, you have some
06:11
background in sports is that,
06:14
although my father wasn't there,
06:14
and here's the cool part. There
06:17
are people that came into my
06:17
life, unofficial mentors,
06:21
coaches, professors, teachers,
06:21
even my friends, parents that
06:26
poured into me, and that allowed
06:26
me to become the man I am today.
06:30
And I'm grateful for sports. I'm
06:30
grateful for those people who
06:34
pulled me aside and said, Hey,
06:34
kid, what are you doing? Snap
06:38
out of it, you know, smack me
06:38
upside the head, told me to get
06:41
with it, but also put their arm
06:41
around me and said, Hey, I'm
06:44
gonna walk with you. And I think
06:44
that was a different. So that's
06:48
the beginning, right? That's a
06:48
lot of inflection points
06:51
throughout my life, that have
06:51
allowed me to get to where I am
06:55
today. But it starts there. And
06:55
the journey continues. I've done
06:59
a multitude of different things.
06:59
Most recently, I published a
07:02
book. And so that's kind of the
07:02
Reader's Digest version. I guess
07:07
for you.
07:09  Darrell Evans
I love it. I
07:09
appreciate the way you brought
07:11
that story together, right? So
07:11
two years old, and then the
07:14
devastation you would know at
07:14
two years old, how devastating
07:17
it was, which you would find out
07:17
in subsequent years. What that
07:21
really meant, right? Yes. And
07:21
you pay homage to those who
07:25
helped put their arm around you
07:25
but at the same time corrected
07:28
you mentor you on official, like
07:28
you said, Where would we all be
07:32
without that, you know, there's
07:32
a word that gets thrown around
07:35
in the space that I have grown
07:35
up in and lived in and
07:38
navigated. I'm sure you probably
07:38
see it as well. And it's the
07:40
phrase self made, I don't care
07:40
what you put on the back end,
07:43
self made millionaire, self made
07:43
success. And I'm thinking, how
07:48
audacious do you think you are
07:48
to think that you got here all
07:51
on your own right? So you know,
07:51
we got to take a step back. And
07:55
sometimes in our own success, we
07:55
want to take credit for the
07:57
things we did because we had to
07:57
do the reps and we had to put
08:00
the time in the working. I
08:00
respect that. But come on, let's
08:03
be clear. Someone else was
08:03
holding our ladder at times.
08:06
Let's jump into some years. Tell
08:06
me what made you decide to
08:09
become a DJ right? Am I am I
08:09
right?
08:11  Vernon Foster II
Ah.
08:12  Darrell Evans
Yeah, man. Let's
08:12
talk a little bit about that
08:14
before we get all philosophical
08:14
with the folks in my living.
08:19
Tell me about the DJ days.
08:20  Vernon Foster II
Well, that was
08:20
interesting, because, okay, at I
08:24
think I was probably five or
08:24
six. I told my mom I wanted to
08:28
be Prince. She bought me a
08:28
guitar. And it was the most
08:32
incredible I think it was a
08:32
Fender it was this red hot red
08:36
with these white stripes. I
08:36
mean, it looks like something
08:40
that one of the legendary
08:40
guitarist even prints himself
08:43
with play, right? It. It was
08:43
amazing. It was beautiful. It
08:46
was captivating. I played it for
08:46
like a week. And then I stopped.
08:50  Darrell Evans
As we all did it
08:50
kids, walkie talkies, guitars,
08:54
it's all the same.
08:55  Vernon Foster II
However, that
08:55
love for music never left my
08:58
heart. Right. It was always
08:58
there. I remember as a kid, I
09:01
would listen to funk and soul
09:01
records and dance in front of
09:04
the speakers in our living room.
09:04
And fast forward. I go through
09:09
adolescence, playing sports, I
09:09
go through high school playing
09:13
sports, graduate college,
09:13
there's no sports, what do I do?
09:18
So I had to find something else
09:18
to pour my energy into to pour
09:23
my focus, my creativity that
09:23
love for the practice, the daily
09:28
reps. And so I did that. I fell
09:28
in love with it. And it ended up
09:33
being so that I started a
09:33
business I started my first
09:36
entertainment company when I was
09:36
19. Boogie blind entertainment.
09:39
Don't ask me why I called it
09:39
that. I have no freaking idea.
09:45
But it works. Right. And so the
09:45
cool thing about music is
09:50
there's a lot of parallels to
09:50
life. Right? There's a lot of,
09:54
you know, the soundtrack to your
09:54
life. What's the soundtrack to
09:58
your life? Are you dancing to
09:58
the beat of your own drum? Are
10:01
you dancing to the beat of
10:01
someone else's drum? I can go on
10:05
and on. But essentially, this
10:05
love for music. This journey of
10:10
following just the things that I
10:10
was curious about or interested
10:14
in has led me to where I am
10:14
today. And so for me it was it
10:20
was never something that I you
10:20
know, intended to do. I never
10:24
grow up saying I'm going to be
10:24
the world's greatest DJ. I just
10:27
kind of followed my curiosity
10:27
and I needed something to to
10:32
stay busy. You know, they say
10:32
idle hands is the devil's
10:35
playground. Whatever, whatever
10:35
idle hands is like the creators,
10:40
achilles heel. So, for me,
10:40
that's what music has been, and
10:47
continues to inspire me in
10:47
different ways. I think the
10:50
really cool thing about music
10:50
is, and I always used to say
10:54
this, there's two things
10:54
actually one, it brings everyone
10:58
together. Right? It'll bring
10:58
everybody together, you get some
11:01
good music in the park, you'll
11:01
see people come out on all
11:04
crevices from all walks of life.
11:06  Darrell Evans
Yes, sir.
11:07  Vernon Foster II
And the other
11:07
thing is, and this is my most
11:09
favorite thing, is that you can
11:09
put on a song, and it can take
11:13
you back to exactly where you
11:13
were, who you were, with the
11:17
emotions, you're feeling, the
11:17
smells, the sensations in your
11:20
body, it has the ability to do
11:20
that. And to me, that's
11:24
beautiful.
11:25  Darrell Evans
Thank you for
11:25
that, man. Music is so many
11:27
things you said about music that
11:27
just ring true for me. I mean, I
11:30
played saxophone, in my younger
11:30
years, my daughter's piano, my
11:34
mom played piano, we music
11:34
choir, chorus, I mean, you name
11:38
it, we're a musical family. So I
11:38
can resonate with all of that.
11:40
And to your point of a song
11:40
music, they brings people from
11:44
all walks of life together. And
11:44
then if you hear something,
11:46
you're instantly back in that
11:46
moment. And it's interesting how
11:50
sometimes we can't remember the
11:50
chores we have to do. We can't
11:53
remember the bills, we got to
11:53
pay, we can't remember certain
11:56
things, but boy, let a song come
11:56
up. And you know all the words
11:59
from 32 years ago, right? Like
11:59
you just listen to it right? So
12:05
yeah, music is such a phenomenal
12:05
thing. You know, I want to ask
12:08
you about your 20s and 30s, I
12:08
read about you and heard through
12:11
some other things that I was
12:11
listening to, that you chose to
12:14
use your 20s and 30s. as you put
12:14
it, as an experiment for
12:18
building your skills and honing
12:18
in on your personal philosophy.
12:22
What I want to ask is what was
12:22
going on during your 20s and
12:25
30s? Because you know, today
12:25
you're on the other side of it
12:28
looking back, and it's, you
12:28
know, it's in the bio? Sure,
12:31
what were you really thinking
12:31
about through those years? That,
12:34
and I'm guessing there were some
12:34
ups and downs, but talk us
12:37
through your 20s and 30s? And
12:37
why you deemed it an experiment?
12:40  Vernon Foster II
Yeah, I think
12:40
looking back on it, in
12:43
retrospect, great. Like in that
12:43
moment, I didn't know what I was
12:46
doing. I had no clue. I was just
12:46
following the call of the wild,
12:51
if you will, following the
12:51
intuition, the curiousness that
12:54
called from within my soul. And
12:54
it led me down this wild road of
12:59
adventures from backpacking
12:59
across the country to failed
13:03
startups to all of these amazing
13:03
DJing for 1000s of people and
13:09
Gen jumping on the crowd and
13:09
crowd surfing, right. All of
13:11
these things that I did have led
13:11
me to understanding what I do
13:16
today that that think Steve Jobs
13:16
used to say you can't connect
13:19
the dots looking forward, you
13:19
can only connect them looking
13:21
back. So for me in that moment,
13:21
it was really just when I think
13:26
about is I didn't want to ever
13:26
get to a place in life, where I
13:30
regretted not taking advantage
13:30
of all of the things that I felt
13:37
called to do my dreams, right.
13:37
And so I knew what would happen
13:42
as I got older, because I'd
13:42
always hear this, I'd always
13:46
hear the wise sages of you know,
13:46
my family, and you know, you
13:51
better do it while you're young
13:51
travel while you're young, you
13:54
know, going to explore while
13:54
you're young, you better start
13:57
the business when you're young,
13:57
because you can make mistakes,
14:00
and you can fail. Right? And I
14:00
didn't listen to a lot of things
14:03
back then I was very, I thought
14:03
I knew it all.
14:07  Darrell Evans
Really, we all do
14:07
we all do.
14:10  Vernon Foster II
At 25. I mean,
14:10
yeah, like who doesn't think
14:13
they know, you know, but the one
14:13
thing that I was acutely aware
14:17
of is that my time was finite.
14:17
And that, like I wasn't going to
14:22
have a lot of chances and
14:22
opportunities to explore these
14:25
things. At a certain point in my
14:25
life, based on how society is
14:30
set up. It's not set up to allow
14:30
me to do these things. The
14:35
society that I live in is set up
14:35
so that the round pegs fit in
14:41
the round hole, but I'm a square
14:41
peg, thankfully, I was able to
14:46
follow my wisdom and my
14:46
curiosity have the strength and
14:51
the courage to do that, to walk
14:51
away from a career to disappoint
14:55
my parents to I don't want to
14:55
say poverty per se, but to
15:00
really live below the means of
15:00
what I needed. As a way of
15:04
really understanding who I was
15:04
in defining what my role was
15:09
that I wanted to play in this
15:09
world. And the impact that I
15:12
wanted to make.
15:13  Darrell Evans
What was one of
15:13
the biggest lessons learned
15:16
during this period?
15:18  Vernon Foster II
There is many
15:18
lessons. And you know, I think
15:22
one of the ones I learned in my
15:22
later 20s, early 30s was that
15:27
we're all soldiers of the same
15:27
struggle. And that's constant
15:30
theme that you'll hear in the
15:30
book. We're all soldiers of the
15:33
same struggle. Now somebody may
15:33
hear that and be like Vernon
15:36
Come on. That's not true. I got
15:36
different stuff. You got
15:40
different stuff. I come from a
15:40
different socio economic
15:43
background. My parents are
15:43
immigrants they immigrated here,
15:47
right? Like I'm black here why
15:47
he's brown cheese red.
15:51
Fundamentally, what I'm saying
15:51
there is that no matter who you
15:56
are, or the status that you
15:56
reach in life, you're always
16:02
going to experience frustration,
16:02
pain, doubt, loss, hurt, guilt,
16:08
shame, blame, right. I can go on
16:08
and on, and no one. I don't care
16:14
who you are, is exempt from
16:14
that, that I've met yet. So I
16:18
would say that is probably one
16:18
of the biggest things that I
16:21
learned.
16:22  Darrell Evans
That's amazing. I
16:22
want to ask you this question.
16:24
Before we get deeper into the
16:24
mindful living concepts? Do you
16:28
believe in failure?
16:31  Vernon Foster II
Well, how are
16:31
you defining it? Right, what is
16:35
failure? I guess...
16:37  Darrell Evans
What, that's what
16:37
I mean, like, I think that it's
16:39
an interesting word I always
16:39
talk about, you know, we talk on
16:41
this show about, I look at it as
16:41
breakdowns, right. You know, we
16:45
talk about the journey from
16:45
inspiration to realization from
16:47
breakdown to break through, I've
16:47
redefined the word failure to
16:50
say, a breakdown. And what that
16:50
simply means is, if we get up
16:54
from whatever the setback was,
16:54
then we really haven't failed,
16:57
we've hopefully learned there is
16:57
an ultimate failure, I think, in
17:01
some cases, but in most cases,
17:01
we punish ourselves when we set
17:05
a plan and don't hit that goal,
17:05
or don't hit that metric, or
17:08
don't find ourselves where we
17:08
want it to be in life. And so I
17:11
think that can lead to something
17:11
I think we're going to talk a
17:14
little bit about here in terms
17:14
of that mental dialogue, and our
17:17
mental well being. And I was
17:17
just curious what your thoughts
17:20
were on the word failure,
17:21  Vernon Foster II
I would say my
17:21
early 20s and early 30s, I would
17:25
say failure is like losing the
17:25
game you lost, you know, beat
17:29
yourself up, go get revenge.
17:29
Now, I would say failure in the
17:35
context of how I see it, is
17:35
data. It's feedback, it's
17:42
information to help you steer
17:42
the ship, the rudder of the
17:47
ship. So if you're sailing on
17:47
the ship, and you're heading
17:52
rough seas, you probably
17:52
shouldn't keep sailing in that
17:55
direction, you probably should,
17:55
you know, turn the rudder a
17:58
little bit and, you know, do
17:58
north or do Southwest, or I
18:01
don't know the exact
18:01
coordinates, right. But it's
18:04
just feedback, right? For me,
18:04
that may not be the same for
18:07
other people, it was important
18:07
for me to redefine that, because
18:13
I can be a very, very mean
18:13
person to myself.
18:16  Darrell Evans
That's exactly
18:16
what I was trying to get to. We
18:18
all can be very mean people to
18:18
ourselves when we're
18:21
experiencing those things, like
18:21
you said in life, which is
18:25
guilt, hurt, shame, fear, a
18:25
worry, all those other things
18:28
were all made in the same in all
18:28
those emotions flow. I'm curious
18:33
about something that I read
18:33
about you. And I'm interested
18:36
for you to unpack this a little
18:36
bit for our audience. And that
18:38
is, you mentioned that one of
18:38
your missions is to build a
18:42
bridge between worlds, people
18:42
and cultures. And take us
18:49
through the development of that
18:49
philosophy. And the mission
18:54
behind that that you're working
18:54
on.
18:56  Vernon Foster II
Yes, so I've
18:56
been a lot of places. I've seen
19:00
a lot of things. I mean, I've
19:00
spent some time in Mexico,
19:03
Colombia, Thailand, all across
19:03
the states, I've met people from
19:08
different backgrounds, I've hung
19:08
out with everyone from drug
19:12
dealers, to pastors, to single
19:12
moms to grocery store clerks.
19:20
And what I found is that we all
19:20
have this if we take the time to
19:28
listen, really listen, not
19:28
listen to reply, but listen to
19:32
actually listen, whenever
19:32
somebody is sharing their story,
19:37
or what they're going through,
19:37
you'll hear a little bit if you
19:40
just listen, if you just listen
19:40
less, you'll hear a little bit
19:44
of you and that story, or you'll
19:44
hear a little bit of your mother
19:48
or your brother, your cousin,
19:48
your sister, your grandma, a
19:52
multitude of people. And so,
19:52
with what I do with everything
19:58
that I do, I say, I want to
19:58
bring more humanity back into
20:03
the algorithm, and that's
20:03
building the bridge between
20:06
worlds people and cultures
20:06
ideas, because we are so caught
20:11
up in thinking that we're
20:11
different. I'm interested to
20:15
find how are we more alike? What
20:15
do we have in common? Because I
20:21
feel like if we can make that
20:21
connection, then I maybe have a
20:26
little bit more empathy for you.
20:26
Then maybe I if I'm your
20:30
neighbor, I bring your trashcan
20:30
up, you know, because you know,
20:33
my wife went through something
20:33
similar right, and I know know
20:36
you're taking care of the kids,
20:36
maybe I go out of my way to do
20:40
something nice. Or maybe I just
20:40
listen, maybe I'm just a better
20:44
listener, and I can be more
20:44
empathetic. So that's what I
20:48
would say, is the mission. And
20:48
the idea behind that concept.
20:52  Darrell Evans
I mean it's rich,
20:52
it's deep. It's, you know,
20:54
you're speaking to the humanity
20:54
of this life that we're in and
20:59
really just peeling back all of
20:59
the, quote unquote,
21:02
stereotypical layers that were
21:02
taught, that we choose to hold
21:07
on to or believe, or, you know,
21:07
pass judgment on. And you're
21:11
just stripping those back in
21:11
saying no, where's the basis of
21:14
this? I really appreciate that
21:14
structure, that level of
21:18
thinking. And I knew that was
21:18
the reason why I want you on
21:20
this show. Just really, you get
21:20
a really smooth, even tone about
21:23
yourself. And I think there's a
21:23
place for, and I'm not sure if
21:30
you know, your subtitle in your
21:30
book is called a soul manual.
21:33
We're gonna get into that in
21:33
just a moment. But sure, it's
21:35
like you've gone through these
21:35
20s in your 30s. And you've
21:37
reached this equilibrium, it
21:37
feels like to me, right? Is that
21:41
how you describe it?
21:42  Vernon Foster II
I would say,
21:42
That's true to the extent that
21:47
everything that I've learned his
21:47
has helped given me more
21:51
balance, and to see that there
21:51
is the good with the bad, there
21:55
is the tragedy with the triumph,
21:55
there is the wins with the
21:58
losses, you can't have one
21:58
without the other. So in that
22:02
regard, I would say yeah, like
22:02
having that understanding, you
22:06
kind of move a little bit
22:06
differently, right? How you just
22:08
asked me about failure, if my
22:08
context of failure is that it's
22:12
feedback, it doesn't hurt as
22:12
bad.
22:15  Darrell Evans
You took the
22:15
journey of writing the book, the
22:18
seven laws of mindful living a
22:18
soul manual. And from what I
22:23
learned about you, you were
22:23
writing it at a time when things
22:25
weren't exactly going your way.
22:25
Is that a fair assessment?
22:29  Vernon Foster II
Oh, yeah, they
22:29
say that the best artists create
22:33
their best work in times of
22:33
pain, or, you know, something
22:36
tragic has happened to them.
22:36
This would be my work of art
22:40
through the pain and the sorrow
22:40
and what I was experiencing. 30
22:45
years old, mom asked me to move
22:45
back home, not exactly how you
22:51
envision your life at 30, right,
22:51
I'm like, I'm gonna be arriving
22:54
in a nice car, I'm gonna have
22:54
the house, everything paid for,
22:59
well, maybe not the house
22:59
because I was, you know, I was
23:02
breaking away from that
23:02
conformity, but I would not be
23:06
at my mom's house, that's for
23:06
sure. I would not be sleeping on
23:09
a mattress and her house, I
23:09
would not be trying to figure
23:14
out this business. Still, after
23:14
all of these years that I've put
23:18
in, you know, the relationship
23:18
that I had that was ending, and
23:23
all of my self worth being tied
23:23
up into those things. You could
23:27
imagine, the state that I was
23:27
in, I wasn't in a state of
23:31
happiness I was, there was a
23:31
cloud over my head. It was like
23:35
I couldn't shake it. And the
23:35
only thing that I thought to do
23:39
was right. So I got up every
23:39
morning, I did my version of
23:44
meditation. And I just wrote
23:44
with a timer for 90 minutes,
23:51
every day, for roughly 60 days.
23:51
And Wallah, I had a book.
23:57  Darrell Evans
I heard you say
23:57
it on another podcast, you use
23:59
the Pomodoro Technique. Is that
23:59
right?
24:00  Vernon Foster II
I did.
24:01  Darrell Evans
Yeah.
24:01  Vernon Foster II
Pomodoro
24:01
Technique. Yep.
24:02  Darrell Evans
You often find
24:02
this idea of the Pomodoro
24:05
Technique in the world of
24:05
productivity, time management,
24:08
getting things done, it's just a
24:08
way to give yourself some
24:11
boundaries over the work that
24:11
you're blocking yourself some
24:14
time to do. And I listened to
24:14
that. I said, Okay, that's very
24:18
cool. I may I just got done
24:18
telling someone about the
24:20
Pomodoro Technique the other
24:20
day, because I'm like, you know,
24:23
if you have a time management
24:23
issue, you don't have a time
24:25
management issue, you have a
24:25
can't keep yourself in
24:27
boundaries. And we do that we
24:27
have a lot of distractions
24:29
today. Sure. It's just
24:29
interesting to me just that you
24:31
said, Okay, here, I'm in this
24:31
little window, I'm in this
24:33
little space. And I'm not
24:33
feeling great about myself. But
24:37
I've done some inflection and
24:37
reflection. And I'm going to
24:41
just take this time and make
24:41
this happen. So congratulations
24:43
on getting it done. Thank you.
24:43
You're welcome. And let's talk a
24:47
little bit about a couple of the
24:47
laws, we're not going to be able
24:50
to get through all of them here.
24:50
But I want to talk about a
24:52
couple from your perspective
24:52
church, and we said something
24:54
offline, and want to see if we
24:54
can unpack it here under one of
24:58
the laws. We talked about
24:58
offline about the state of
25:01
feeling like you're the only one
25:01
and being afraid to be the
25:05
first. And I may be paraphrasing
25:05
what we talked about offline.
25:08
But does this conversation point
25:08
fall under the law of letting
25:12
go? Let's talk about one of
25:12
these law...
25:13  Vernon Foster II
You nailed it,
25:13
you nailed it, Darrell.
25:15  Darrell Evans
Okay, someone
25:15
told me that that's what we were
25:17
talking about. But listen, so
25:17
one of the laws in the seven
25:20
laws of mindful living is Vernon
25:20
calls it the law of letting go
25:23
take it away.
25:25  Vernon Foster II
So the law of
25:25
letting go is basically stating
25:28
that you are not your baggage,
25:28
you aren't the stuff that you
25:32
carry around. It's self
25:32
awareness right to be able to
25:35
even under Understand that
25:35
there's something there you have
25:39
to, you know, be self aware,
25:39
right? Why am I feeling this
25:43
way? Why am I thinking these
25:43
thoughts? I ended this
25:47
relationship a decade ago. Why
25:47
is it still triggering me. And I
25:52
should preface this by saying,
25:52
I'm not a medical professional.
25:56
I'm not psychiatrists, I'm not a
25:56
therapist. I'm speaking from my
26:00
own philosophy and everything
26:00
that I've experienced on my own.
26:04
And so the analogy I give is,
26:04
like, if you're traveling
26:09
somewhere, right, let's say
26:09
you're going from San Francisco
26:13
to New York, you want to get to
26:13
your destination, if you have to
26:17
traverse the country to get
26:17
there, right, you can't take a
26:21
plane, you can't take a train,
26:21
no automobiles, you only can
26:25
carry the stuff that you can
26:25
carry with you the baggage, when
26:29
you start in New York, and
26:29
you're going to San Francisco,
26:32
you're going to want is limited
26:32
amount of baggage as possible,
26:36
right? In order for you to be
26:36
able to increase the success
26:40
rate of you surviving and
26:40
getting there, you know, you
26:44
want to be able to carry as
26:44
little baggage as possible. What
26:47
we tend to do in life is any
26:47
destination we're heading, we're
26:52
trying to carry 10,000 pounds on
26:52
our back, right, and it's and
27:01
every relationship, we bring our
27:01
failed relationship and every
27:05
business we bring failed
27:05
business, and every insecurity
27:09
that we had about being picked
27:09
on in school, we bring that to
27:12
situations where we feel
27:12
bullied. So we repeat the cycle.
27:16
And so we repeat the cycle,
27:16
until you realize one have the
27:21
self awareness that the baggage
27:21
is even there, then you won't
27:24
even be able to address it.
27:24
here's the kicker, and this goes
27:28
to what we talked about earlier.
27:28
Everybody has baggage, even me,
27:32
I'll raise my hand. But here's
27:32
the thing. Nobody wants to talk
27:39
about it. So inevitably, what
27:39
we've done, we've normalized
27:46
normalcy. We've normalized
27:46
normalcy, so people don't feel
27:51
like they can share, they feel
27:51
like everything has to be
27:53
perfect, my face has to look
27:53
perfect on Instagram, I have to
27:57
show that I'm going on
27:57
vacations, I have to show that
28:00
like I'm showing love to my
28:00
wife, or everybody's gonna be
28:03
like, why is he not showing his
28:03
love life on Instagram or
28:05
shouting her out. And so we
28:05
create this mythological, right,
28:10
this almost fantasy world where
28:10
it becomes taboo to go first.
28:16
And nobody wants to go first.
28:18  Darrell Evans
It's terrible
28:18
time that we're in. in some
28:21
regards. I say that we live in
28:21
the most amazing time in
28:25
probably the history of the
28:25
world. And at the same time, we
28:30
have the very tools and
28:30
technologies that we love so
28:32
much can really destroy sure the
28:32
self awareness and how we see
28:37
ourselves because you know, when
28:37
I grew up, it was trying to keep
28:39
up with the Joneses, right? I'm
28:39
a little older than you and was
28:42
meant to be a materialistic sort
28:42
of connotation, right?
28:46  Vernon Foster II
Sure.
28:46  Darrell Evans
Look around,
28:46
they're driving that car. So you
28:48
feel like you get a new new you
28:48
need a new car, they got two
28:50
cars, you should have two cars,
28:50
they got a two car garage, you
28:52
should get a two or three car
28:52
garage. Right? All right. And
28:57
today to your point, you know,
28:57
that had a damage from a
29:02
standpoint of potential
29:02
financial damage, because you're
29:04
overspending out of your means.
29:04
And but today we have this
29:07
psychological problem where to
29:07
your point, it might be worse,
29:11
when you post something on
29:11
Instagram, and you don't get
29:15
1000 likes.
29:16  Vernon Foster II
Sure.
29:17  Darrell Evans
Right? Or the
29:17
certain number of comments or to
29:19
your point of they don't have
29:19
the right filter on their face.
29:22
And it really has you got to be
29:22
careful. And I think it goes
29:25
back to this idea of self
29:25
awareness. And it's super
29:28
interesting. So let's actually
29:28
go there. Let's talk about one
29:31
of your other laws, which is the
29:31
law of self love. Right? And you
29:35
talk about knowing your worth,
29:35
because I think if we could
29:38
unpack that a little bit, and
29:38
look, I'm guilty, I'm guilty.
29:41
I'm in business, I'm an
29:41
entrepreneur, I play the game,
29:44
I'm in the business of sport.
29:44
Sure. We keep metrics. Right?
29:49  Vernon Foster II
Yeah.
29:49  Darrell Evans
So it's hard. I'm
29:49
not I'm not trying. This is not
29:51
about who's listening. I'm
29:51
talking about my own self, I run
29:55
the same problem keeping score
29:55
all the time. Sure, but I don't
29:59
let it get into my self worth.
29:59
Let's talk a little bit about
30:01
the law of self love.
30:03  Vernon Foster II
To me, it's
30:03
twofold. It's boundaries, and
30:06
it's understanding that you are
30:06
worth it, that you are God
30:12
stuff, right?
30:13  Darrell Evans
Come on.
30:14  Vernon Foster II
Whatever that
30:14
means in the context of what
30:17
your belief is, right? We are
30:17
started us I mean, we're sitting
30:21
on a ball that spinning in the
30:21
middle of a galaxy, we still are
30:27
finding galaxies and stars.
30:27
Right? And so why would you
30:32
think that you don't matter or
30:32
your message doesn't matter or
30:36
that your life is insignificant.
30:36
We don't have enough people
30:43
supporting us and telling us how
30:43
brilliant we are anymore. We
30:47
don't have enough people pushing
30:47
us to be what we want to be. So,
30:53
inevitably, what happens is we
30:53
are the square bag trying to fit
30:57
in the round hole. And then when
30:57
we don't fit in the round hole,
31:01
we're like, what's wrong with
31:01
me. And then you start to get in
31:05
that conversation enough. And
31:05
then I like to call it self
31:08
worth, Sam shows up, self worth
31:08
Sam's, like I told you, you
31:12
weren't going to be able to do
31:12
it, look at your failing again,
31:16
you're just a big failure, you
31:16
know, so then you get in that
31:19
conversation. So it's important
31:19
to have people that are
31:23
surrounded around, you'll call
31:23
the anti bummer squad. So these
31:26
people pour into you, right,
31:26
they show you love, maybe they
31:29
take you out to eat, you pay for
31:29
their meal, but it's cool,
31:33
because they're gonna pay you in
31:33
love, you're gonna pay for their
31:36
meal, right. But the other thing
31:36
is, we have to get to a place
31:40
where we accept ourselves for
31:40
who we are. And that can be very
31:44
difficult, you might have to do
31:44
some therapy, you might have to
31:47
go have some difficult
31:47
conversations with some people
31:50
and rebuild some communication
31:50
lines that you tore down, right,
31:54
you may have to go and ask for
31:54
forgiveness or whatever your
31:57
version of that is, right? But
31:57
until you heal those wounds,
32:01
you're never going to be able to
32:01
love you for who you are. And
32:04
everything that you do is going
32:04
to be an external for me,
32:10
everything that I did was to
32:10
prove to everybody else that I
32:13
was worth it. If I have this
32:13
great business, I'm worth it. If
32:16
I have this great career, I'm
32:16
worth it. If I go and jump out
32:19
of airplanes, I'm worth it.
32:19
Because I'm cool. If I go travel
32:22
the world, I'm worth it because
32:22
I'm cool. But if I don't love
32:25
me, if every time I go around
32:25
people, I'm still wearing that
32:29
mask, doesn't matter what I'm
32:29
doing. So we have to get to a
32:32
place. None of this is easy. But
32:32
I'm going to give everyone a
32:36
practical exercise they can do
32:36
none of this is easy. It takes
32:40
lifelong work. And if you're
32:40
living, you might as well do it,
32:42
right, in my opinion. So I guess
32:42
where I'm going here is that we
32:47
have to be able to surround
32:47
ourselves with people that are
32:51
going to pour into us. But we
32:51
also have to be able to pour
32:54
into ourselves and in order to
32:54
be able to accept that, right?
32:58
Because people can tell you
32:58
stuff all day. And it may sound
33:01
great, you can't internalize it,
33:01
if you can't accept it, because
33:04
you build these walls around you
33:04
from past experiences, right?
33:10
And you haven't healed from
33:10
those things. And that trauma,
33:13
there's no amount of cool stuff
33:13
or accolades that are gonna ever
33:17
fill you up, you have to be able
33:17
to fill up your own cup, and
33:20
then you can pour into other
33:20
people's cup.
33:23  Darrell Evans
Wow, it's as if
33:23
you have just taken words out of
33:26
my mouth that I've been saying
33:26
for years, I love what you just
33:29
said, you can have someone pour
33:29
into you and say nice things
33:32
about you. But if you've got an
33:32
emotional moat, it's almost like
33:35
having a penetration shield on
33:35
the goodness coming in, because
33:39
you're not willing to accept the
33:39
good words. Sure. I just love
33:43
that distinction. And the final
33:43
thing you said there was, you've
33:46
got to be able to pour into your
33:46
own cup, I often say you can't
33:50
pour into others if your cup is
33:50
empty. And you know, a lot of
33:53
people want to go give, give,
33:53
give, and it's great to give.
33:55
But you've got to take some time
33:55
for inflection and you've got
33:58
to, you know, refill your cup.
33:58
And there's a number of ways to
34:00
do that. For a new man, it's
34:00
you've got five of the laws in
34:03
the book, you haven't even begun
34:03
to uncover really the nuggets on
34:07
the first two. Man, I want to
34:07
thank you for taking some time
34:10
to share your backstory and the
34:10
work that you are doing. Where
34:15
can everyone find the book?
34:17  Vernon Foster II
Yeah the seven
34:17
laws book calm, that's
34:20
the7lawsbook.com. That's where
34:20
they can find it's also
34:25
available on Amazon and audible
34:25
as well.
34:27  Darrell Evans
Nice, we are
34:27
going to have that linked up in
34:29
the show notes. And you know,
34:29
when someone gets the book, and
34:33
they are wanting to do more than
34:33
just read a book, right? Because
34:38
books are a great foundation to
34:38
get to know the speaker, the
34:41
author.
34:41  Vernon Foster II
Sure.
34:42  Darrell Evans
The coach, how
34:42
can they work with you further
34:45
if the book inspires them to do
34:45
so?
34:47  Vernon Foster II
That's a great
34:47
question. So they can connect
34:49
with me, my website is
34:49
VernonTfoster.com. It'll
34:53
redirect to a link where you can
34:53
connect with me by dm or email
34:57
or anything like that. So what I
34:57
did, and this is interesting,
35:00
this is fascinating that you
35:00
asked me this question, because
35:02
most times you read a book, and
35:02
then there's no follow through,
35:05
right? It's like you got all
35:05
these really great ideas. And
35:08
it's like, Okay, what do I do
35:08
next? So, at the end of the
35:10
chapter, I have a q&a at the end
35:10
of the books, rather, where I
35:15
answer questions, it's like
35:15
dialogue where someone's saying,
35:17
How do I learn to let go the
35:17
baggage, how can I have more
35:21
self love? I'll give you them a
35:21
practical example right now. So
35:25
when you were in high school,
35:25
did you have jerell did you have
35:29
like high school sweetheart or
35:29
middle school sweetheart where
35:31
you wrote the love letters back
35:31
and forth?
35:33  Darrell Evans
Couple.
35:34  Vernon Foster II
Okay, a
35:34
couple.
35:36  Darrell Evans
If they didn't
35:36
accept the first one, I guess I
35:38
knew I was in sales. I guess if
35:38
one, one didn't accept a letter
35:41
I just moved on, you know me.
35:41
I'm just being funny.
35:45  Vernon Foster II
I was gonna
35:45
say your wife better not listen
35:47
to this.
35:47  Darrell Evans
No, no, I wrote a
35:47
few of those letters. I remember
35:49
those letters.
35:50  Vernon Foster II
Okay, so do
35:50
you remember how you felt when
35:53
you read one of those letters?
35:54  Darrell Evans
Nope.
35:54  Vernon Foster II
You don't
35:54
remember? Okay.
35:56  Darrell Evans
Well, you know, I
35:56
did think junior high school
35:58
butterflies and you know.
35:59  Vernon Foster II
Sure.
36:00  Darrell Evans
When you even get
36:00
the response, you feel accepted.
36:02
Right?
36:02  Vernon Foster II
Sure.
36:03  Darrell Evans
And then you kind
36:03
of slowly but surely open the
36:06
letter and you try to see Yeah,
36:06
yeah, there was a little
36:08
butterfly. Yeah, I remember
36:08
that. Yeah.
36:10  Vernon Foster II
Yeah, what I'm
36:10
getting at is that it invoke
36:12
this emotions of like, love and
36:12
like excitement, acceptance,
36:17
acceptance. So I tell people
36:17
take that same concept. And
36:21
instead of you getting the love
36:21
letter, write a love letter to
36:25
yourself, go back in time. And
36:25
you know, visualize yourself
36:30
being in that space, write a
36:30
love letter to yourself back
36:33
then tell yourself how amazing
36:33
you are, what you've achieved,
36:37
what you see for yourself, how
36:37
great looking, you are,
36:42
everything, I got it together,
36:42
baby, you know, all of that
36:45
stuff, you write that down. Now
36:45
there's a second step, after you
36:48
write it down, you go look in
36:48
the mirror, and you read it to
36:51
yourself.
36:52  Darrell Evans
Wow, come on.
36:54  Vernon Foster II
That's
36:54
powerful. That's one exercise
36:56
that you can do. Now, if people
36:56
want to take it further, they
37:01
can work with me directly. I
37:01
have a program that's based on a
37:04
coaching program that's based on
37:04
the book, it's an eight week
37:07
program, seven with an extended
37:07
bonus. But yeah, I basically
37:11
taken the book and created a
37:11
coaching model off of the book
37:15
that I could walk people
37:15
through.
37:17  Darrell Evans
I love it. You
37:17
know, the exercise is powerful.
37:20
We laughed a little bit about,
37:20
you know, the junior high school
37:22
pass into the notes and that
37:22
kind of thing. But the reality
37:25
is, you're like write yourself a
37:25
love letter. And that's step
37:28
one. And I think to your point
37:28
of what you've discussed to this
37:31
point, like, when we sit down
37:31
and look at that piece of paper,
37:33
or whether it's a Google Doc
37:33
sheet, or Microsoft Word,
37:36
whatever it may be, sometimes
37:36
it's hard for us even find good
37:38
words for ourselves, depending
37:38
on where we are. And that's like
37:42
the first part of what the
37:42
exercise I think you're
37:43
describing will help them do,
37:43
you're going to help them get
37:46
them to a place where they can
37:46
actually start loving on
37:48
themselves a little bit again,
37:48
if they found themselves in a
37:51
little bit of a pit.
37:52  Vernon Foster II
Yeah.
37:52  Darrell Evans
But more
37:52
importantly, now go back and
37:54
stand in front of the mirror,
37:54
and then read that to yourself.
37:57
And I'm not sure exactly the
37:57
psychology or the brain science
38:01
in it. But it is something
38:01
magical that happens when you
38:04
stare yourself in the face with
38:04
a smile. And then you read those
38:09
words back to yourself. I've
38:09
heard of that exercise in
38:12
different ways. I know growing
38:12
up in the world of sales, we
38:15
used to be taught way back in
38:15
the 90s. I got you by a few
38:19
years but when I first started
38:19
early in sales, we would have to
38:22
practice our sales scripts. And
38:22
they would tell us to practice
38:26
in the mirror. Oddly enough so
38:26
anyway, Vernon, very interesting
38:30
insights. You need to get out to
38:30
the7lawsbook.com connect with
38:39
Vernon get this information on
38:39
the seven laws of mindful living
38:43
and be on the path I think what
38:43
Vernon wants you to do is
38:46
experienced this next level
38:46
through his eyes of happiness,
38:49
freedom and fulfillment. And it
38:49
is something that is really ripe
38:53
for the times right now. So
38:53
Vernon, my friend, thank you for
38:56
spending some time with us on my
38:56
show podcast before I let you go
38:59
I gotta ask you the final
38:59
question asked most of my
39:01
guests. All right. And that is
39:01
if for whatever reason, you
39:04
weren't able to be on this
39:04
beautiful planet as you
39:06
described. And I'd love that I
39:06
couldn't help but almost bust up
39:08
laughing because I always remind
39:08
myself when life gets tough, we
39:12
are literally sitting on a round
39:12
circle in the sky, and we're on
39:16
it and so when things get tough,
39:16
imagine the the mystery of that
39:21
very equation. Life can't be all
39:21
that crazy. But anyway, if you
39:24
weren't able to be here
39:24
tomorrow, what would you want
39:26
everyone to remember you for?
39:28  Vernon Foster II
How I made
39:28
them feel and my generosity.
39:31  Darrell Evans
I appreciate your
39:31
heart man. Verner foster man,
39:34
thank you for being on The
39:34
MindShift podcast. Hope to have
39:36
you back sometime in the future.
39:37  Vernon Foster II
Darrell, it's
39:37
been a real pleasure. Thank you
39:38
so much.
39:41  The MindShift Podcast
Hey, my
39:41
friend. Thanks again for
39:42
listening today's episode of the
39:42
mind shift podcast. Listen,
39:45
let's not have the conversation
39:45
in here. connect with me on
39:48
social at Mr. Darrell Evans on
39:48
almost all the platforms. With
39:52
the exception of Facebook. My
39:52
Facebook fan page is at Darrell
39:56
Evans fan. Until next week,
39:56
remember you're just one shift
40:00
away from the breakthrough
40:00
you're looking for.