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Autism is my super blessing! I'm a high-school valedictorian, college graduate, world traveler, disability advocate. I'm a Unitarian Universalist. I'm a Progressive Liberal. I'm about equal rights, human rights, civil & political rights, & economic, social, &cultural rights. I do servant leadership, boundless optimism, & Oneness/Wholeness. I'm good naked & unashamed! I love positive personhood, love your neighbor as yourself, and do no harm! I'm also appropriately inappropriate! My self-ratings: NC-17, XXX, X, X18+ & TV-MA means empathy! I publish shows at 11am! Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/antonio-myers4/support

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episode 95: ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT IS CHANGING HOW WE HAVE SEX 'THE BEST TOOL WE HAVE IS OUR WORDS. KEEP IT SEXY AND KEEP IT CLEAR.'


"PSA: Consent can be revoked at any time.

Things can change from the start of a sexual encounter, and you should always be able to stop any time you are no longer comfortable with the activity.

“Consent is not a blanket yes,” Engle explained, adding that people often misunderstand this crucial point. “It is an ongoing conversation throughout a sexual experience… Sometimes sex is going well — [and then] it's not. Maybe you change your mind, maybe you're not into this person's moves and want to stop, maybe you thought this would be fun and it isn't. If this is the case, you are completely within your right to revoke consent.”

It can feel scary to assert your boundaries in that way, but it’s important to remember you have agency over your body, and you never have to do anything that doesn’t feel right. To stop something mid-act, Engle suggests taking a deep breath first, and then using a phrase like “I’m uncomfortable,” “I’d like to take a break,” or “Stop.”

Another tactic is to set up a safe word to bring things to a full halt if needed. “Have a nonsexual word that is designed to stop the play, especially with a new partner,” Engle advised. “I suggest using the traffic light method. ‘Green’ means go, and ‘red’ means stop.”

As Engle described, enthusiastic consent can be confirmed or denied through physical cues, but also by communicating out loud before — and during — a sexual act. Juliet, a 20-year-old from Los Angeles, California, told MTV News that she’ll sometimes ask her partner questions like “Is this OK?” or “Do you like that?” adding that if she ever has any doubt, she stops to check in further. “I would expect my partner to do the same,” she said, explaining that it hasn’t always easy for her to talk freely about consent. “There were times [in the past] where I was cool with kissing or making out, but I didn't want to go further, and yet I would find myself going further anyway because I felt like, ‘I started this, I guess I can't really stop.’ But I know now that that's not true. I have the power to say, ‘Hey, wait a second. I'm not comfortable, let's slow down, take a break.’”

"Yes, dirty talk can count as consent!

If you’re comfortable with it, turning up the heat with your words can make consent crystal clear. And given that enthusiastic consent is an evolving process, adding some raunchy dialogue to your sexual encounter can only help communicate your feelings and desires.

“Some of the best partners … have been really vocal about letting me know what they like or how (and where) they want to be touched,” Nick explained. “Not everyone is into that of course, but if you are, it can be a great way to demonstrate enthusiastic consent, and it's a huge turn-on to know that you're turning the other person on.”

Juliet told MTV News that she tries to make it clear to her partner during any sexual activity that she is enjoying it and wants it to continue. “I'll say things like, ‘That feels good,’ or ‘Don't stop,’ or even guide them to touch me somewhere to show that I am not just okay with it, but really into it,” she explained."

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 October 28, 2021  1h15m