Ramblings of fiddur

I am Fredrik Liljegren, and this is my weblog / podcast.I don't really know what will come out of this, but it will most probably be quite a mix of self development, spirituality, relating, biohacking, gardening, brewing (mead & beer), parenting, learning and growing. And oh, barefooting of course.  Perhaps some spiritual science?Welcome. This podcast is the audio version of my blog.

https://fredrik.liljegren.org

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It's OK


I have many teachers, inner and outer.  Every morning, in my ceremony, I meet up with some of them.

This morning, when meeting the mistress of ovate, she was a young girl, sitting on the grass, playing with something on the ground.  Without looking at me, she tells me "It's OK to cry, you know."  I felt the tears flowing up, a tension I was barely aware of softening a bit.  There was no sympathy or pity or any emotion in what she said, just the simple naturalness of the statement, relaxed and soft.

Then she came in the form of a young woman. "It's OK to be horny, you know?"  Her statement a little bit playful, poking at my fear of showing emotion.  My years of feeling wrong for ever having an arousal that wasn't reciprocated. I could go into how the society deems any man with an erection a danger, because a few cannot control themselves, but no, this is my fear of being wrong, my fear of letting anyone see that I'm moved or touched.  These last 2-3 years has been a journey of finding acceptance for parts of me I wasn't even aware I had rejected, and even less having the idea that it could be accepted by anyone else. Not digging for any background of why I inhibited my own emotions so much in the first place, I feel the gratitude of my community of teachers in everyone I meet and feel safe with. A softening opens up, allowing both tears and arousal at the same time.

Joining in, she now comes as an old crone, chuckling a bit and stating "It's OK to die, you know."  ...  It is, I know. I've often imagined myself living for quite many years ahead, and I couldn't really feel into any fear of dying.  I seldom feel fear about anyone else dying either. It's just death, the most certain part of any life.

It's OK.  I sit with these statements for the rest of my ceremony.  Grateful for inner teachers and my daily practice.

Thank you.

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 2022-01-11  n/a