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episode 229: 3 Common Triggers For Victims
Leaving an abusive relationship is never easy.
Facing the triggering comments made by family, friends, therapists, clergy, and random people in the grocery store only makes leaving more difficult.
But Kate and Anne are on the BTR podcast to add some comedic relief with their witty comebacks to common triggering comments that victims hear. Listen to the BTR podcast and read the full transcript below for more.
"He (Your Abuser) Just Needs Your Support"
Many victims hear variations of this statement, including the "love, serve, forgive" trope. Victims of betrayal are told to be more sexual, while victims of abuse are told to be more understanding of the abuser's difficult childhood.
Anne shares:
"No one should ever ask a victim to support their abuser. Ever."Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery
Many victims are kind, compassionate, loving people and may feel that they owe the abuser a degree of understanding and empathy. Victims can live within their value system while still preserving their own safety, allowing the abuser to seek support from other people who they have not abused.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhAA-ir2Rbc
"Don't You Think It's Time To Practice Forgiveness?"
Asking a victim to practice forgiveness is offensive. Period.
I'm just like, what do you mean forgiveness? If it was something that was in the past, and the threat was over, I can maybe understand that. And even then, it's still nobody else's business. It's like baby steps. Forgiveness is not like all of a sudden done.Kate, SHEro
If you've been counseled to forgive, or chastised for not being forgiving, give yourself the grace that you deserve. Forgiveness is a very personal matter and not something that anyone else deserves to lecture you about.
"Why Are You So Upset?"
Asking a victim why she is angry, upset, or afraid can be construed as a form of gaslighting. It minimizes the abuser's behavior. If a victim has been vulnerable about sharing her story and then is told that she shouldn't be upset, she may feel crazy or dramatic.
If you've experienced this, find a safe, accepting, and loving place to process your trauma.
The BTR Group Sessions are a wonderful place to find the validation that you deserve. Come join us today.
Full Transcript:
Anne: Welcome to Betrayal Trauma Recovery, this is Anne.
It's so nice to have Kate on today's episode. She is an amazing warrior for truth and for justice for women all over the world. She is a Shero, and she has been through it all. She does a lot of research, she's just one of us. Welcome back to the podcast, Kate.
Kate: Hello.
Witty Comebacks to Triggering Statements
Anne: We're going to talk about kind of witty comebacks to triggering statements that people might say at church, or neighbors might say, or family members. Things that may or may not disarm the person, however, we need to do a very big warning here. Kate and I are just going to brainstorm. We're just going to throw things out there. We do not recommend you actually use these. So please do not be like, well, Kate and Anne said that when someone says this, I should reply with this. That is not what this episode is about. So, I just need to put that out there. Do not try this at home folks.