Chances are, if you're here, at one time or another you've been told that your partner or ex-partner has a sex addiction. Secret porn use and other sexual acting-out behaviors, including intimate betrayal have been labeled as "sex addiction" by therapists, coaches, clergy, and others for years to the detriment of victims.
While pornography use and other behaviors are absolutely addictive, labelling only as sexual addictions isn't solving the problem - in fact - it often enables abusers to keep abusing and further harms victims.
Kate is back on the BTR podcast, taking a deep dive with Anne to expose the sex addiction myth. Read the full transcript below and listen to the BTR podcast for more.
Intimate Betrayal, Including Porn Is Abusive, Period
Too often, intimate betrayal, including pornography use, is only considered a sexual addiction issue. The problem here is that while these behaviors are absolutely addictive, the underlying and even more serious issue is abuse.
When abuse isn't correctly labelled and dealt with, abusers are enabled and victims are further harmed.
Pornography is addictive and we both agree that pornography use in and of itself is abuse. And then also the behaviors around it: the gaslighting, the lying, the manipulation, all those types of behaviors around it constitute emotional abuse, psychological abuse, and sexual coercion.
Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOyeyycxblA
But What If He Really Is Addicted To Sex?
Some victims worry that their husbands or partners are actually sex addicts and that by using the sex addiction label, the abusers will be able to get the help they need to stop abusing their wives and children.
As Anne explains:
The reason why I just prefer to use the word abuse in all contexts is because addiction to me kind of says, this is what he is experiencing. He is experiencing an addiction. I don't really care what he is experiencing. I'm not so concerned about that. I am more concerned about what the victim is experiencing.
Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery
The Sex Addiction Model focuses so largely on the "illness" of the abuser that the abuser's victims are largely ignored and/or blamed for the abuser's behaviors. By correctly labeling the abuser's behaviors as abusive rather than just "acting out" addiction, women and children can get the help that they need to heal from abuse.
BTR Is Here For You
At BTR, we understand how frustrating it is to try to find help in a world where pornography use and intimate betrayal are widely accepted as "normal".
We will always believe you. We will always be on your side.
Our BTR Group Sessions are a safe place for you to process your trauma, share your story, and ask questions. Join today and begin your journey to healing.
Full Transcript:
Anne (00:56):Before we get to today's episode, there are a lot of so-called betrayal, trauma therapists or coaches or groups out there, but they don't actually know how to help women in session. Some of them do great online presentations or YouTube videos,