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episode 237: Has Your Church Harmed You?
Many women seek guidance from spiritual leaders, but instead of being counseled to seek safety and deliverance from abuse, are counseled to work on the marriage.
Clergy are rarely trained to spot abuse - and this is a serious problem that endangers victims all over the world. Rachel is back on the BTR podcast sharing her experience. Listen to the BTR podcast and read the full transcript below for more.
When Clergy Mislabels Abuse as a "Marriage Problem"
"When there is abuse and you go in for marital counseling or you go to your church or your elder or whoever you're asking for help, they just always assume that you're having marriage problems."Rachel, Member of the BTR.ORG Community
Too often, clergy are quick to label abuse as a "marriage problem". Because they aren't trained to identify abuse, they will misdiagnose abuse as two-party, relational issues, like:
* Communication problems* Intimacy-related problems* Selfishness* Not enough time spent dating and enjoying activities together* Stress* Boredom* Sexual withholding from the victim (this is spiritual abuse)
When clergy misdiagnose abuse, they are blaming the victim and enabling the abuser.
Clergy Can Ask Better Questions to Help Victims Seek Safety
When victims confide in clergy, there are many ways that clergy can support them and help them to identify abuse and take steps to get to safety. One of those ways is by asking questions that empower victims to identify the abuse themselves.
Some of those questions may include:
* Do you feel emotionally safe?* Do your children feel emotionally safe?* Do you feel like you owe your husband sex?* Do you like being at home when your husband is home?* Do you feel like you can say no to sex without punishment (including sulking)?
Clergy Should Prioritize Safety
Too often, clergy prioritizes the marital relationship over women's safety to the point that they counsel victims to stay with their abusers.
In so many cases, women start on their journey to separate themselves from abuse and then clergy or family or something stops them. And then they might try again a little bit later and I've heard so many women lately tell me, yeah, God told me to get out seven years ago. And it was very clear. But then when I was trying to do it, my clergy told me not to.Anne Blythe, Founder of BTR.ORG
Churches can choose to abandon the false and dangerous belief that the marital relationship supersedes the safety of the individual and encourage victims to choose their own safety above the abusive relationship.
BTR.ORG is Here For You
At BTR, we know how devastating it is to feel unsupported or even abused by clergy. You are safe here. Join our Group Sessions today and find the community that you deserve on your journey to healing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfCHBEGbkQI
Full Transcript:
Anne (00:00):Welcome to BTR. This is Anne. I have Rachel back on today's episode, I introduced her last week and we had the beginning of her conversation last week. So if you didn't listen to that, go listen to that first an...