Betrayal Trauma Recovery - BTR.ORG

btr.org - btr.org has daily, online Group and Individual Sessions for victims of emotional & psychological abuse and sexual coercion. For women experiencing pain, chaos, and isolation due to their husband’s lying, gaslighting, manipulation, porn use, cheating, infidelity, emotional abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Labeling a victim as "codependent" is a form of victim blaming. Pornography addiction / sex addiction are a domestic abuse issue. Narcissistic abuse is not a communication issue. We help women who are married, separated, or divorced heal through establishing emotional safety. If you suspect your husband is a narcissist, a pornography addict, or emotionally abusive, this podcast is for you. Every woman on our team has experienced betrayal trauma first hand. To learn more about Betrayal Trauma Recovery, visit BTR.ORG

https://www.btr.org/podcast/

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episode 239: Busting 3 Divorce Myths Now



"Stay together for the kids."



"A two-parent home is best."



"You're setting your kids up for failed relationships."



When you're making the decision to divorce, the last thing you need is to have your intuition clouded by the many voices touting pervasive divorce myths that discourage emotional abuse victims from seeking safety.



Gretchen Baskerville, author of Life-Saving Divorce, is on the BTR Podcast with Anne to bust three harmful divorce myths and help women get to safety. Listen to the free BTR Podcast and read the full transcript below for more.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAOyl8TaGTY




Is Divorce Universally Harmful For Children?



The myth that divorce always harms children is pervasive, especially in faith communities.



But it's important to understand that while the pain of divorce lasts for a time, the impact that comes from living in an abusive environment can be far more harmful and lasting.



Anybody who's ever been through a divorce with little children knows how tough it really is. The children will feel pain and sadness and confusion and grief, mine certainly did. They may miss the other parent or not. They may cry a lot. Mine did. But on average, kids go back to their normal level of emotional health after those first two stressful years and having those additional years of stress from moving, maybe from finding a new school, maybe from having to make new friends are really different from saying that a kid has lifelong, long term serious emotional, psychological, or social problems.Gretchen Baskerville, Author



If I Get Divorced, Will My Kids End Up Divorced?



Clergy, therapists, family, and "friends", often warn victims that by seeking safety from the abuser through divorce, they are teaching their children to undervalue marriage.



The opposite is true: kids know what marriage should be. When victims choose safety, they are setting an example for their children to follow - to only participate in relationships that are safe and loving.



Adult children of divorced parents have a 47% divorce rate. And those people whose parents did not divorce had a 40% divorce rate. In other words, there's not a huge difference between those two groups, only 7%. So if you're staying, if somebody listening to this is staying just because of this myth, yeah. It's not worth it for 7%.Gretchen Baskerville, Author



Shouldn't I Stay To Protect The Kids From Him?



Many women in the BTR.ORG Group Sessions feel incredible inner-conflict when it comes to leaving the abuser because they don't want to leave their children alone with him. This is a valid concern. As Gretchen explains:



[Victims] will say, well, if I stay married, I can protect them from him. Well, you know, that's the same story I gave myself. There's no way you can stay awake 24/7. You have to go out grocery shopping. And then they're also observing the covert disdain, dismissiveness, indifference when you're in the home. But here's what I wanna bring up. There's an incredible study we were never, ever told about; it's called the Jaffee study. And it says that if a father has at least three out of the seven antisocial traits, and they listed them, that if the children reside with him 24/7, 7 days a week,


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 August 9, 2022  28m