Betrayal Trauma Recovery - BTR.ORG

btr.org - btr.org has daily, online Group and Individual Sessions for victims of emotional & psychological abuse and sexual coercion. For women experiencing pain, chaos, and isolation due to their husband’s lying, gaslighting, manipulation, porn use, cheating, infidelity, emotional abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Labeling a victim as "codependent" is a form of victim blaming. Pornography addiction / sex addiction are a domestic abuse issue. Narcissistic abuse is not a communication issue. We help women who are married, separated, or divorced heal through establishing emotional safety. If you suspect your husband is a narcissist, a pornography addict, or emotionally abusive, this podcast is for you. Every woman on our team has experienced betrayal trauma first hand. To learn more about Betrayal Trauma Recovery, visit BTR.ORG

https://www.btr.org/podcast/

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episode 241: What Consent Actually Looks Like



Have you said yes to a sexual experience because you were afraid of what would happen if you said no?



Have you initially said no, but eventually given in because of his behavior? Whether it was sulking, violence, or spiritual abuse?



These situations, including many more, are not examples of consent.



They're examples of victims experiencing sexual coercion.



It's time to talk about what consent actually looks like.



Elizabeth is on the BTR Podcast sharing her story publicly for the very first time. A victim of every form of abuse, Elizabeth's voice is powerful as she shares her story of recognizing and freeing herself from sexual coercion. Read the full transcript below and listen to the BTR podcast for more.



What Consent is NOT



Many victims of sexual coercion are conditioned to believe that if they aren't screaming and fighting, they are giving their consent to a sexual experience.



It's essential that women (and men) understand what consent is not.



Consent is not:



* Saying yes out of fear of negative repercussions, including violence, sulking, neglect, blackmail, etc.* Saying yes now because you know that if you say no, you will just have to say yes tomorrow or another time.* Saying yes because it is your duty.* Saying yes because you already "began" and he has made it clear that it would be unfair to stop before he is finished.* Saying yes because clergy, therapists, or others have counseled you to be more sexual.* Saying yes to protect your children, pets, belongings, or others.* Simply allowing the sexual experience to occur, when you do not want it.* Saying yes (or allowing it to happen) after saying no repeatedly.* Saying yes after being spiritually abused.* Saying yes to avoid financial punishment.



This list is not extensive, but may help victims identify situations where they have been or are being sexually coerced.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cEPv5MA3UI




Consent Is Not 'We've Started, Now We Can't Stop'



At BTR, many women, including Elizabeth, have experienced a similar type of sexual coercion. Abusers use the "we already started having sex, now we can't stop" manipulative tactic when victims try to escape the sexual relationship:



I wanted to do what got asked of me, but I also was feeling like, well, it had happened so now I can't stop. That was the message I was getting from him, that we've started, we're basically married now, so we can't stop having sex.Elizabeth, member of the BTR.ORG Community



Add to that a dose of religious and spiritual abuse, and many victims feel locked in to daily sexual coercion and abuse.



So Then, What Does Consent Actually Look Like?



At BTR, we define consent as an enthusiastic, ongoing, "yes" based on the full extent of information they need in order to give their enthusiastic, ongoing "yes". They know that their "yes" can be taken back at any moment, for any reason, without fear of negative repercussions.



If you are in a relationship where you are experiencing sexual coercion, BTR.ORG is here for you.



Our daily, live Group Sessions are a safe place for you to process trauma,


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 August 23, 2022  33m