Step 1 was impossible for me to reach on my own. My character defects of pride, fear, entitlement, control kept me from admitting that my life was unmanageable. Also, my religious tradition of faith, faith, faith, work, work, work.
Overcoming betrayal is different from a husband changing his ways. Men addicted to pornography lie. I went five years believing my husband when he told me he was sober. I still don't know the truth about that. During those years, I focused my efforts on managing his behavior. Doing everything in my power to "help" him be happy and avoid his angry outbursts.
"Helping" your husband recover is NOT betrayal trauma recovery. I got them mixed up for years. I assumed I was in recovery because my husband said he was. Now that I'm in recovery, I know that he wasn't acting like a person in recovery. Focusing on my husband's recovery from pornography addiction only kept me from seeing the truth.Emotional Betrayal
Until my husband's arrest, I wouldn't let go of thinking that I could work through anything. I could handle anything. I thought that I could fix anything. For me, it took an act of God to help me see that my life had been and was truly unmanageable. That was the beginning of my recovery from emotional betrayal and betrayal through pornography and masturbation.
Forgiveness after betrayal isn't easy. I'm still in trauma on an almost daily basis just remembering the abusive things my husband said. But I have confidence that as I work the steps, I will heal from betrayal and be whole and happy again.