If you're like many victims of emotional and psychological abuse and sexual coercion, it may be hard to believe that good, healthy men are out there - but here's a mind-blowing truth for you: good men really do exist.
Gretchen Baskerville, author of The Life-Saving Divorce is back on the podcast with Anne. Together, they're giving us the inside scoop on, not only the fact that healthy men do indeed exist, but what characteristics they exhibit. Tune in to the free BTR.ORG podcast and read the full transcript below for more.
Healthy, Good Men? Prove it.
"People ask me, 'In all of your work with abusers or getting to know thousands of victims who are women who have been abused by men, do you just hate men? Do you see abuse in all men?' And, and you know, what's interesting is the more I've learned about abuse and the more I've come to recognize healthy behaviors, I actually have more hope now than I ever had before."
Anne Blythe, Founder of BTR.ORG
When you're in the throes of an abusive relationship, it may be difficult to believe that good men actually do exist, especially if you've been further abused by male clergy, male therapists, and male relatives.
Abuse perpetuated by men against women is prolific and in this community, the trauma that women experience is often horrifying and long-lasting - however, it may be healing to know that there ARE men who do not abuse women.
How Can I Tell If He's Healthy vs. Abusive?
Sometimes it's difficult to know if a man is genuinely healthy, because abusive men are keenly manipulative and can imitate healthy behaviors. However, understanding that healthy men consistently live these key, healthy traits can help you identify healthy men. Healthy men:
* Honor and respect your boundaries without push-back or defensiveness
* Do what they say they're going to do
* Are secure in their relationships and do not seek sexual contact outside of their marriages
* Don't see non-sexual things and people through a sexual lens
* Sometimes have a difficult time understanding the motives and behaviors of abusive men
* Don't set off your Sacred Internal Warning System
* Allow and encourage you to be yourself
* Do not require you to walk on eggshells
What Does a Relationship With a Healthy Man Look Like?
"I remarried at age 57, so I was single a long, long time. I was plump, I was opinionated, I was used to having authority over men because I was a top executive in a company and I had many men reporting directly to me. And I just came to the point in my life where I decided that I'm not gonna apologize for who I am. And lo and behold, a man came in my life who I had worked with about 10 years before, and we had really liked each other and he loved who I was. He loved having an outspoken, fast driving, wife and girlfriend. And we have had a lovely, lovely marriage for over five years now."
Gretchen Baskerville, author
In relationships, abusive men seek to erase the identity of the victim. They condition the victim to walk on eggshells and become less of who she was before.
Healthy men do the opposite - they love their partners for exactly who they are and encourage them to bask in their autonomy, becoming more and more of who they want to be.
Gretchen describes being plump, opinionated, and unapologetic - and deeply loved for those characteristics, and everything else that makes her who she is.
BTR.ORG Is Here For You
At BTR.ORG, we know the pain of betrayal trauma and emotional abuse - you deserve support. Attend a BTR.ORG Group Session today.