If your daughter has confided in you that she is experiencing abuse, or if you suspect that there may be abuse or betrayal in her relationship, then you can be a central figure in helping her seek safety.
Read on and tune in to the BTR.ORG Podcast to learn 3 Ways to Help Your Abused Daughter Seek Safety.
The Absolute Necessity of Unequivocal Support
Abandon the "it takes two to tango" mentality, and invest your time and energy into supporting your daughter. This means that you are NOT:
* Bailing the abuser out of jail if he's been arrested
* Meeting the abuser one-on-one for heart-to-heart talks about how he can change or win your daughter back
* Trying to convince your daughter to consider salvaging the marriage
* Fraternizing with the abuser's family and friends - your energy is best spent on your daughter (and her children)
Become Trauma-Informed & Educated About Abuse
When your daughter has experienced psychological and emotional abuse, financial control, and sexual coercion and betrayal, she is likely experiencing significant trauma.
As you become more trauma-informed and educated about abuse, you will naturally be able to empathize with her and be more sensitive to her trauma. If you want her to feel safe with you, then take the time to:
* Listen to the BTR.ORG Podcast
* Read the books we recommend, including Why Does He Do That? And The Verbally Abusive Relationship
* Watch our educational videos
Choose to be a Pillar of Safety & Support
Your daughter may feel like her entire world is crumbling around her. The last thing that she needs right now is to feel like she has to earn your love, respect, and support.
Offer her:
* A place to live
* Financial resources so that she can afford a good attorney
* Your unequivocal support
* A listening ear should she ever need to vent or confide in someone
* Your absolute belief in her story, without any need for proof
* Your willingness to make a safety plan in the event that the abuser tries to harm her or the children
* Your willingness to testify on her behalf
Your support can be the difference between your daughter feeling completely alone in a terrifying world - and feeling loved, safe, and resilient.
Please be the parent that your daughter deserves.
Full Transcript:
Anne (00:00):Welcome to BTR.ORG. This is Anne. If you're new to the BTR podcast, you may want to consider starting with the oldest episode first and then making your way forward chronologically. If you do that, you'll take the journey with me as I learn more and more. You'll hear a change in my voice as I grow in confidence and skills. It'll be like a friend holding your hand as you make your own way to peace.
Anne (02:58):I have a really special episode today. My father is here. We had a man named Jim reach out. He is the dad of a victim and she's living with him and also her three children, and he reached out and was like, how do I help my daughter? What do I do? He was like, could I talk to your dad? So I thought, let's do a podcast episode about it and talk about some of these issues. So welcome Jim.
Jim (03:23):Thank you. I'm happy to be here.
Anne (03:27):So Jim, do you wanna just start with what's going on with your daughter?
When Jim Began to Understand That His Son-In-Law Was Abusive
Jim (03:32):Sure. She's been married about 10 years has three children. The youngest one is a year and a half, basically. So about the time that she had the baby, she came to me with a little experience when the baby was about a week old. She was asking for some newborn photos or something and,