Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that dreams of someday becoming a
Speaker 1: television segment. So it just got botox, chin i plants
Speaker 1: and a big brow list TV. Yeah, how we're ready
Speaker 1: to go with Laser Stories, the segment where we read
Speaker 1: weird news stories around the globe, just like everyone else does,
Speaker 1: except we have a laser. Those other dummies just don't.
Speaker 1: This first Laser Stories out of Hanover, Canada, last week,
Speaker 1: local police picked up a quote suspicious older male trying
Speaker 1: to hand out candy to kids. Yeah, okay, the kids
Speaker 1: like candy. I like kids. I did not do anything wrong.
Speaker 1: Oh it looks like this one wasn't you? Oh like
Speaker 1: I said, But according to the police report, he pulled
Speaker 1: over his car, went up to a young boy walking
Speaker 1: home from school and offered him a box of chocolate.
Speaker 1: Is he watching like a bad after school special? And
Speaker 1: it's like I want to star in it? Things? His
Speaker 1: kids today are smart about this stuff, and the boy
Speaker 1: said no. Good. The guy was insistent. He said if
Speaker 1: he didn't want them, then maybe his mom would watch.
Speaker 1: But it was still a no, and cops eventually tracked
Speaker 1: him down and questioned him. They didn't arrest him, though,
Speaker 1: and here's why. Turns out he was just trying to
Speaker 1: participate in random acts of kindness days you want. The
Speaker 1: chocolate Misguided holiday was last month, but he heard about
Speaker 1: it and it inspired him, and he'd also been handing
Speaker 1: out candy to adults that day and they released him
Speaker 1: after determining his intentions were quotes genuine and pure. Sad.
Speaker 1: Police last saw him heading into a Walgreens to purchase
Speaker 1: Dentsure cream so he could apply it at a local
Speaker 1: retirement home for help senior citizens. Oh my god, that
Speaker 1: is so sad, ideas were by his friends. Yeah. This
Speaker 1: next lilaze of story is out of an online galaxy
Speaker 1: not so far far away. Wow, where is it then,
Speaker 1: jeff A new mode of transport being hyped as the
Speaker 1: world's first flying bike, has officially been released in Japan man.
Speaker 1: According to the company's side, it comes with a five
Speaker 1: hundred and fifty five thousand dollars online price tag. Whoa,
Speaker 1: I'll show you what to look This actually looks pretty cool.
Speaker 1: We'll put the pictures on our Insta stories. That Brooke
Speaker 1: and Jeffrey looking bad at It's a twelve foot long
Speaker 1: X Treismo luxury air cruiser and it bears a resemblance
Speaker 1: to the speeder bikes used by the Galactic Empire to
Speaker 1: chase Luke Skywalker and Princess Lay through the forest. Dude,
Speaker 1: it totally looks like that, and it looks like a
Speaker 1: way I'm going to kill myself. I could ride this safe.
Speaker 1: If you want to get an idea, you should watch
Speaker 1: What Turn of the Jedi. The six hundred sixty one
Speaker 1: pound vehicle can reportedly hit speeds ranging from fifty to
Speaker 1: sixty two miles per hour. That is a weird range.
Speaker 1: For now. The Star Wars fans and others who are
Speaker 1: itching to take part in their own chase will be
Speaker 1: heartbroken to hear that flying bikes are currently only available
Speaker 1: in Japan, and they're limited for the moment to test
Speaker 1: rides over a closed race track. Yeah, it's just thinking
Speaker 1: power lines are going to be a real issue. I
Speaker 1: don't see any seat belts on there either. Well. Yeah, yet,
Speaker 1: if you purchase the bike, you have to keep it
Speaker 1: there and are closely monitored by officials while you're zooming
Speaker 1: around in the sky. Oh that's a fun half million.
Speaker 1: This next lay of stories out of get your drink
Speaker 1: on Shaudy Headquarters. Anyone who was a teenager in the nineties,
Speaker 1: remembers the famous purple stuff adds for Sunny Delight, purple stuff.
Speaker 1: Remember when you'd open the fridge there was the purple drink. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I remember. Now, I'm like, sunny t wasn't purple, Jeff.
Speaker 1: But all those kids are in their forties now, so
Speaker 1: bring on the hard stuff. That's right. Sunny Delight with
Speaker 1: alcohol now exists that gave me such an aftertaste. Sunny
Speaker 1: d Vodka Seltzer select Walmart's nationwide tomorrow. I mean, some
Speaker 1: of these like orange juice if you've never had it,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't call it orange jice artificial. Yeah, like you
Speaker 1: were saying, it's like a fake orange juice. So it
Speaker 1: basically sounds like a screwdriver like vodka and oj but
Speaker 1: with bubbles in it. I'm pretty sure I may have
Speaker 1: drank this in high school already. We're just yeah, basically totally. Obviously,
Speaker 1: this is all on nostalgia grab and they know those
Speaker 1: ninety kids are grown ups now, so they're hoping they'll
Speaker 1: be into it. Yeah. Their press release claims fans asked
Speaker 1: for this, yeah, although no social media evidence has been
Speaker 1: found to date. Duh, I don't think they realize the
Speaker 1: nineties kids get really bad headaches with high sugar drinks now,
Speaker 1: so that anymore. If you want to brave it, four
Speaker 1: packs will cost ten bucks, so it's a little pricier
Speaker 1: than other seltzers and most beers. Each can is ninety
Speaker 1: five calories and four point five percent alcohol. Oh, be
Speaker 1: careful his next laser stories out of things you should know,
Speaker 1: dot duh. At this point, we all know we're not
Speaker 1: supposed to flush wet wipes down the toilet, Yes, but
Speaker 1: there's lots of other things that aren't good for our plumbing,
Speaker 1: the pipes, or the oceans either. Here's three random things
Speaker 1: that local officials say you should not flush. Number three
Speaker 1: food tasty, YEA too lazy to go to the trash?
Speaker 1: Can you just flush it? It's my kids their dinners
Speaker 1: away in the bathroom. Food And I was faking sick
Speaker 1: to go to school and I poured a can of
Speaker 1: like vegetable soup. Believe you, I think she did though,
Speaker 1: solid plan And I know your toilet deposits do contain
Speaker 1: former food, but it's digested and soft, so eating food
Speaker 1: can be too big for the pipes to handle. And
Speaker 1: leave the blockages. Well this burrito fix number two hair
Speaker 1: washing your hair. What happens if you or your cats
Speaker 1: swallow a bunch of hair, You can form a hairball
Speaker 1: in your throat, and pipes are kind of like your throat.
Speaker 1: If you flush enough hair, it can form a hairball
Speaker 1: that blocks things. I think that was pretty good analogy.
Speaker 1: But did you like clean out your brushes? I could understand,
Speaker 1: like you don't throw it. Finally, the number one thing
Speaker 1: you should never put in the toilet is chewed gum.
Speaker 1: I've actually done this. Gum never breaks down naturally, so
Speaker 1: it can clog up your pipes, and when it makes
Speaker 1: its way back to the waterways, that eventually decomposes into microplastics.
Speaker 1: Oh no again, and that's a huge problem for fish
Speaker 1: and the planet and other animals who could be vulnerable. Wait,
Speaker 1: get the sound of a vulnerable turtle approaches some and
Speaker 1: use tune gum. Oh wait, he's stretching it out like
Speaker 1: a homemade song. He's vulnerable, He's just freaky. And that
Speaker 1: sound means Laser Stories has come to an end for
Speaker 1: the day. Let's do it again, same time on Monday.
Speaker 1: Broke and Jeffrey in the morning