Speaker 1: Congratulations, you've been accepted into the inaugural class of Therapy
Speaker 1: for Black Girls University or tBu for short. Whether you're
Speaker 1: packing for a new year on campus, thinking through your
Speaker 1: gap year, enrolling in a community college, or grabbing your
Speaker 1: stulls for graduation, Embarking on the next chapter of your
Speaker 1: life is often exciting but also a little scary. There
Speaker 1: can be a lot of unknowns that can leave you
Speaker 1: feeling uncertain, and having the right support can help you
Speaker 1: to feel confident and grounded. TBGU was designed to help
Speaker 1: you strengthen your voice, sharpen your knowledge, and affirm who
Speaker 1: you are and who you'll become. Our goal is to
Speaker 1: create relevant and accessible resources, content and experiences to help
Speaker 1: you thrive at this stage of your life and beyond.
Speaker 1: If something real an eates with you while enjoying our conversation,
Speaker 1: please share it with us on social media using the
Speaker 1: hashtag TBG University and be sure to join us over
Speaker 1: on TikTok and Instagram at TBG University. Our seminar is
Speaker 1: now in session. Laptops or phones out you'll definitely want
Speaker 1: to take notes. I'm Jana Ellis. I'm a student at
Speaker 1: the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill graduating class
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty three, and this is TBG University. I'm
Speaker 1: Kalia James. I'm a student at Howard University, graduating class
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty three, and this is TBG University. I'm
Speaker 1: so excited to introduce you to our two guests today,
Speaker 1: Jana Ellis and Khalia James, two incredible graduating seniors with
Speaker 1: a wealth of knowledge and lived experience that they're going
Speaker 1: to share with us today. To kick us off, we're
Speaker 1: going to hear a little bit from Jana and Kalia
Speaker 1: about some of the invaluable lessons they've learned over the
Speaker 1: last four years and how their perspectives have changed and
Speaker 1: becoming upper class women. Khalia will kick us off. So
Speaker 1: the first thing is just balancing my life, being on
Speaker 1: my own schedule because until now, like high school, you're
Speaker 1: told where to be, when to be and even though
Speaker 1: we still have classes, now they're way more spread apart
Speaker 1: and you have more free time to figure out what
Speaker 1: you want to do certain hobbies. So that was the
Speaker 1: first thing. And then moving into my own apartment, meal prepping,
Speaker 1: having to feed yourself betimes a day, like it's a task,
Speaker 1: it's a task, and also moving your body being active.
Speaker 1: That was another thing. I felt like, you know, you're young,
Speaker 1: so you don't always have to worry about that stuff.
Speaker 1: But I think for the long term, I want to
Speaker 1: keep my body healthy, so finding time to be active
Speaker 1: and evaluating the people in my life and making sure
Speaker 1: that the people that surround myself with have similar lifestyle
Speaker 1: to me. I think, especially as a teenager, you care
Speaker 1: about being liked a lot, and that still goes into college.
Speaker 1: So just having the curves to be disliked or just
Speaker 1: following your own path and not feeling pressure to do
Speaker 1: certain things because everyone else is doing them. So my
Speaker 1: senior year has taught me so much about myself in
Speaker 1: a way that the past three years just has not,
Speaker 1: and that has scared me, that has excited me. It
Speaker 1: has maybe uncomfortable, but I feel like there's no other
Speaker 1: time in my life that I should be feeling these things.
Speaker 1: It's a transition period. I've accepted that. I've accepted that
Speaker 1: with change comes uncomfortableness, and with that it's all about
Speaker 1: how you talk to yourself, what's your outlook on life,
Speaker 1: like you decide how you want to think about senior year.
Speaker 1: So I just have really tried my best and moments
Speaker 1: of uncertainty and moments of anxiety just to see the
Speaker 1: positive so to speak about like the year itself and
Speaker 1: all the accomplishments I've made throughout my time at Carolina,
Speaker 1: and just accepting the fact that this is a positive transition,
Speaker 1: This is a normal transition, and there are thousands of
Speaker 1: other students experiencing the same thing. So like finding community
Speaker 1: and solace in that has been really important to me.
Speaker 1: It's impressive that these young women have been able to
Speaker 1: identify these life skills and put them into practice. It
Speaker 1: becomes even more exceptional as I'm reminded that a portion
Speaker 1: of their collegiate experiences were impacted by the COVID nineteen pandemic.
Speaker 1: So I heard a university view you were virtual for
Speaker 1: a year and a half and I was very end
Speaker 1: of my freshman year, and then we didn't get back
Speaker 1: in person until the second semester of my junior year,
Speaker 1: and it really affected I guess there's the social aspect
Speaker 1: of college, which is honestly, especially underground, it's a very
Speaker 1: important aspect. Like just doing the work in my childhood
Speaker 1: bedroom had me going insane and I was just like
Speaker 1: on my phone a lot more because I had to
Speaker 1: be on my phone for school, and then being on
Speaker 1: my phone, my laptop has only been connected with my friends,
Speaker 1: so it just felt like I was constantly in front
Speaker 1: of a screen. And I guess that was about everyone,
Speaker 1: but it was exhausting to not have human interaction during
Speaker 1: such an important part of our young adulthood. And then
Speaker 1: also when we got back to Howard, most of the
Speaker 1: time only underclassmen are on campus, so a lot of
Speaker 1: people are junior year. They had a starting off campus
Speaker 1: in apartment. It like pushed forward the timeline of like us,
Speaker 1: having the on campus experience at Howard and commuting to
Speaker 1: college is a lot different than being on campus. You
Speaker 1: can miss out on some of the activities and it
Speaker 1: just prolonged your day because you have to go back
Speaker 1: and forth and things of that nature. Freshman year great times.
Speaker 1: That fall semester, I almost had too much fun. I
Speaker 1: will say that too much fun. Needed to be in
Speaker 1: a library a little bit more, But I don't have
Speaker 1: immediate family that at Tendant School, so I'm walking into
Speaker 1: it being presented just all of this fun, all of
Speaker 1: this new beginnings, new life, new experienced new people, new food,
Speaker 1: new cars, chopp oil, is a different socioeconomic status, Like,
Speaker 1: it's all different from where I'm from. So that was
Speaker 1: something that I did hold onto when I was comfortable.
Speaker 1: I was getting familiar with the change of already transitioning
Speaker 1: into a collegiate space. And then my spring semester, COVID happened,
Speaker 1: And so you're getting adjusted to studying on your own,
Speaker 1: You're getting adjusted to not having your family around you
Speaker 1: as much. So learning how to take care of myself,
Speaker 1: learning how to advocate for myself and not have my
Speaker 1: parents to kind of like speak up for me if
Speaker 1: a teacher is not treating me right. Like all these
Speaker 1: things I had to learn I was getting familiar with.
Speaker 1: And so once COVID happened, it kind of not kind of,
Speaker 1: it did a brute my experience and quite literally change
Speaker 1: the path of my journey. And I think, now having hindsight,
Speaker 1: I am grateful for that because in the midst of
Speaker 1: me enjoying myself and the midst of me having all
Speaker 1: this fun that I don't regret. I do believe your
Speaker 1: first semester, have the fun. That's the time to have
Speaker 1: your fun. I'm an advocate for it, and then you
Speaker 1: learn how to have fun with balance. I don't think
Speaker 1: that without COVID I would have ever really found that
Speaker 1: been flow of party, have fun, social life, and then
Speaker 1: do your homework. So I think it would have came,
Speaker 1: but I don't think it would have prompted me as
Speaker 1: fast to get in that work hard, get some play mindset,
Speaker 1: and so I am grateful not to COVID nineteen, but
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for the secludedness and the focus that I
Speaker 1: did have because while in my sophomore year, I was
Speaker 1: finally able to learn how I need to learn to
Speaker 1: succeed in school, I was able to get comfortable in
Speaker 1: exploring my major without the pressure of everyone around me.
Speaker 1: It felt like I was on my own journey. What
Speaker 1: a journey it's been for both of them. Despite COVID
Speaker 1: nineteen's impact, both Jana and Khalia were able to find
Speaker 1: their own version of success where it counts the most
Speaker 1: their academics. Kalia's path began early on in high school,
Speaker 1: which set her on an extended development plan to achieve
Speaker 1: her long term goals at Howard. Jana took a more
Speaker 1: exploratory route, learning what she wanted to do by learning
Speaker 1: what she did not want to do and ultimately finding
Speaker 1: the confidence to find out what she's truly passionate about.
Speaker 1: Both methods are valuable, valid, and common in the collegiate experience.
Speaker 1: I am a senior elementary education major. I am preparing
Speaker 1: to be a teacher for grades K kindergarten through fifth grade,
Speaker 1: and were specified in learning how to teach an urban
Speaker 1: education to support black and other minority students. So I
Speaker 1: started volunteering with elementary students. In high school, I tutored
Speaker 1: kindergartens and math, and that felt like very natural for me.
Speaker 1: I noticed I had a lot of patients for kids.
Speaker 1: And then my senior high school, I was in a
Speaker 1: child development class and my counselor and a teacher for
Speaker 1: that class brought it up to me like this could
Speaker 1: be a pass for me and my senior high school
Speaker 1: or their internship in the fourth grade class, I was
Speaker 1: actually with my old fourth grade teacher who she made
Speaker 1: a really big difference in my life, and it just
Speaker 1: showed me like this could be my future. And then
Speaker 1: I just started looking at colleges that offered that major,
Speaker 1: and then I chose Howard because I'm from a small
Speaker 1: town and I just wanted more excitement, not like New
Speaker 1: York City. Excitement like New York is a little too
Speaker 1: much for me. So THECS like a little calmer but
Speaker 1: still has the city essence. So Howard, which is like
Speaker 1: it's a perfect place. Thankfully, I changed my major at
Speaker 1: least three times, and I was determined during the COVID
Speaker 1: time of me being isolated and focused on myself to
Speaker 1: find that path for me that I wanted, not what
Speaker 1: everyone else was wanting for me, or the things that
Speaker 1: they expected out of me. But I decided that this
Speaker 1: journey is my own journey, and no one else can
Speaker 1: write these papers for me but me. No one else
Speaker 1: can go in that room and take that test. No
Speaker 1: one else also have to wear If you get to
Speaker 1: see on your transcript, you have to wear that. And
Speaker 1: so once I allowed myself to be released from that
Speaker 1: pressure and that expectation that I've been casted on. Exploring
Speaker 1: your major is a brave thing that should not be
Speaker 1: looked down upon. I was finally able to settle in
Speaker 1: and I got a contact from a lady that worked
Speaker 1: in the School of Education. It was this new program
Speaker 1: starting called Human Organization and Leadership and Development, and I
Speaker 1: was just like this is something that I could learn about,
Speaker 1: like I would enjoy it. Once I started to think
Speaker 1: of classes in a way of I want to enjoy it,
Speaker 1: I want to learn, and not I need this for
Speaker 1: the resume, or I need this for this, or I
Speaker 1: need this for that. And I started to sit in
Speaker 1: enjoying school. That's when I was able to put my
Speaker 1: walls down and actually enjoy learning. And that's what you
Speaker 1: should do in college, but oftentimes and not you're taking
Speaker 1: the classes to get to the next thing. And I
Speaker 1: didn't want to continue struggling. I was done struggling in school,
Speaker 1: Like I'm smart, I'm capable, but these classes are just
Speaker 1: not for me. This major is not for me. So
Speaker 1: once I got that contact from the School of Education,
Speaker 1: everything was written after that, and I decided to pick
Speaker 1: up communication studies because I like learning about how people
Speaker 1: communicate in a personal, organizational skills and just life skills
Speaker 1: that can take you a long way. And yeah, like,
Speaker 1: once I just stopped having a thought process based on
Speaker 1: others and I allowed myself to make mistakes, to fail
Speaker 1: to experience things, I was able to open myself up
Speaker 1: to more opportunities here as important as academics are. We
Speaker 1: can't understate that the social aspect of college is one
Speaker 1: of the defining factors for many students. One important aspect
Speaker 1: of collegiate socialization is the ability to involve yourself with
Speaker 1: on campus organizations, groups, or simply just find your people,
Speaker 1: the folks on campus that brighten your day, enlighten your perspective,
Speaker 1: and remind you exactly why you made the choice to
Speaker 1: go through this school instead of another. Kalia and Jana
Speaker 1: both belong to on campus organizations, both which have drastically
Speaker 1: impacted their college experience for the better. So I am
Speaker 1: a part of Capital M the PROD Chapter of syndens
Speaker 1: or incorporated in that experience has been unlike anything that
Speaker 1: I could imagine. I have family members of adultas that
Speaker 1: aunto their adultaods. But I knew that I wanted to
Speaker 1: be a part of something that was bigger than me.
Speaker 1: I knew that I wanted to give back to UNC
Speaker 1: in a very specific and very niche way. And I
Speaker 1: fell in love with capa Omicron. I fell in love
Speaker 1: with the women and doing the work and showing up
Speaker 1: in spaces and you know, just being themselves and being
Speaker 1: authentic and being driven. I had some mentors that were
Speaker 1: capa omicron and they just guided me. They guided me
Speaker 1: in the way of unc in the big world that
Speaker 1: this school can feel like at times. But I feel
Speaker 1: like sisterhood as an only child. On top of that,
Speaker 1: sisterhood has been something that has meant a lot to me.
Speaker 1: Sisterhood allows me to feel grounded, It allows me to
Speaker 1: feel motivated, It allows me to grow. Like being around
Speaker 1: black women at my school that are like mind is
Speaker 1: a very different in experience and we all approach things
Speaker 1: in a different way. It allows you to learn in
Speaker 1: just a way that you've never learned before about yourself,
Speaker 1: about others, how to treat others, how to talk to
Speaker 1: other people. Being in a sorority just has shown me
Speaker 1: so much about myself and how I like to lead
Speaker 1: and how I like to get the work done and
Speaker 1: be in an organization. But I can't imagine my life
Speaker 1: like without my sisters, and like what the impact that
Speaker 1: they've had on me. I just it's something that's so
Speaker 1: vast to me. It shaped my college experience to a
Speaker 1: point where I couldn't imagine anything without my sisters, or
Speaker 1: my chapter or sotore wars around the region or the
Speaker 1: nation that I've met, So I'm definitely grateful for the opportunity.
Speaker 1: By a freshman year, I was part of NAACP, but
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. I've never been an extracurricular gal.
Speaker 1: My commitment to it it was always on and off,
Speaker 1: and I would get like socially anxious to be in
Speaker 1: those type of spaces. So my freshman year I found
Speaker 1: friends through the people on my dorm. I was in
Speaker 1: a like the community bathroom dorm, so we just got
Speaker 1: close fast. And some people didn't like my dorm, but
Speaker 1: I met a lot of good people. It's called quad,
Speaker 1: so I meant a lot of my friends who there,
Speaker 1: and then I wouldn't make friends who their friends. And
Speaker 1: then I met people through my education majors or my classes.
Speaker 1: We all have the same class as every semester because
Speaker 1: a small cohort, so I found community within teachers. My
Speaker 1: community now at Howard is on ex Mental Health Family.
Speaker 1: ONYX stands for our Nirvana yearning existence and we focus
Speaker 1: on bringing awareness to the Howard community on how to
Speaker 1: cope with stress. We are in our first decade of
Speaker 1: a do hoods, so that can be really hard for people.
Speaker 1: And even though we are the generation that's most aware
Speaker 1: of mental health. There still is stigma, especially in the
Speaker 1: black community, about needing help, and sometimes the Howard Mental
Speaker 1: Health Department isn't always reliable, not gonna lie, So we
Speaker 1: are another source for people. I've noticed that a lot
Speaker 1: of times we use substances to deal with our stress,
Speaker 1: and I do that too. It's definitely normalized to go
Speaker 1: to alcohol and weed, so I think that it helps
Speaker 1: show other avenues to deal with stress. As Kalia mentioned,
Speaker 1: the time period between eighteen to twenty eight is your
Speaker 1: first decade of adulting and transitioning through It can take
Speaker 1: a toll on your mental health that's completely normal, in
Speaker 1: something no one needs to feel ashamed about. On top
Speaker 1: of balancing your newly found independence plus your additional responsibilities,
Speaker 1: taking care of yourself is something you have to set
Speaker 1: the intention behind. Sometimes it involves reaching out their friends, family,
Speaker 1: a trusted adviser or educator, or, in the case of
Speaker 1: Khalia and so many other young people, a licensed mental
Speaker 1: health professional. So I actually finished therapy, I wasn't in
Speaker 1: for a year and a half and I tried to
Speaker 1: go to therapist when I was fifteen, and I did
Speaker 1: not like it. Like we only had one session and
Speaker 1: I was just like giving her background information and I
Speaker 1: told my mom, like, I'm not going back. I feel
Speaker 1: like partially she was a white lady, so I didn't
Speaker 1: want to talk to her. I'm not gonna lie. And
Speaker 1: also I just wasn't ready. I would guys like myself
Speaker 1: like I don't have problems, but I have depression and
Speaker 1: anxiety that I've gotten over and like still worked through.
Speaker 1: And then I also have ADHD. I'm on the spectrum.
Speaker 1: My mom passed away my seeing year of high school,
Speaker 1: and yes, she rest in peace. I went to college
Speaker 1: still grieving her, and it caused me to look for
Speaker 1: love in all the wrong places. And I wasn't coping
Speaker 1: well with academics and also my love life. So the
Speaker 1: pandemic hit and I went home and I was just
Speaker 1: sitting in silence, and I was just like rehashing all
Speaker 1: of my decisions that I made freshman year, and it
Speaker 1: just made me depressed, and I was like, I don't
Speaker 1: want to be this person anymore. And a lot of
Speaker 1: my family was telling me, like, you have to choose happiness,
Speaker 1: and it's got to a point where it's like I
Speaker 1: don't want to feel like this anymore, and I want
Speaker 1: to make better choices. I want to learn how to
Speaker 1: cope with these feelings. And I was able to find
Speaker 1: a therapist. It was a great experience. But no one
Speaker 1: told me. After you you start healing, everything around you
Speaker 1: just falls apart and comes back together and comes back together.
Speaker 1: Everyone in your life is a reflection of you, who
Speaker 1: you are, your philosophy and life. So when you change
Speaker 1: your perspective, when you change your habits, you no longer
Speaker 1: align with certain people that you used to be around.
Speaker 1: And as to mean that you're better than them, it's
Speaker 1: just you're no longer on the same path, and it
Speaker 1: could really hurt. Because we are humans. We are attached
Speaker 1: to things, and I know one of the questions, you know,
Speaker 1: the steps it self discovery and openness to change. You
Speaker 1: have to let go of old things to make room
Speaker 1: for better stuff. So that's why it feels like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I'm losing everything, and you want to hold
Speaker 1: on the old habits. You want to hold on the
Speaker 1: old people. But when you become a new person, when
Speaker 1: you're growing, you realize that you know God has timing
Speaker 1: and people are lessons, situations are lessens. You need to
Speaker 1: grow and learn from them and then let them go.
Speaker 1: If this is a kind of wisdom and self realization
Speaker 1: that the next generation has in their back pocket, I
Speaker 1: can't help but have faith in the future of our world.
Speaker 1: Khalia was speaking facts. This college age period you're in
Speaker 1: is going to cause a lot of growth, shedding and transformation.
Speaker 1: It's expected. What will be critical for you at this
Speaker 1: time is to proclaim who you are, what you want,
Speaker 1: and what you're not tolerating. Stand in your power and
Speaker 1: be true to yourself. Arm yourself with those that support
Speaker 1: and encourage you to be your best self every day.
Speaker 1: In the case of Jana, it was one of her
Speaker 1: line sisters that encourage her to take care of herself
Speaker 1: and explore new paths to mental and physical well being.
Speaker 1: A couple of ways that I have supported my mental
Speaker 1: health in school, because that is a thing that is
Speaker 1: very imperative that you learn at these formative years of
Speaker 1: taking care of yourself without the guidance of your parents
Speaker 1: and again self advocating for your needs. My line sister,
Speaker 1: she invited me to this hot yoga session, and I
Speaker 1: remember talking with like my friend and I'm like, I
Speaker 1: just don't know. I don't know if I want to
Speaker 1: go to hot yoga. I don't think I'll be good
Speaker 1: at it. And my friend was just like, but when
Speaker 1: will you ever have a chance to like go to
Speaker 1: hot yoga? Like just go? The class changed my life.
Speaker 1: It changed how I felt about myself. It changed how
Speaker 1: I viewed my day to day like it allowed me
Speaker 1: to have an hour for myself. In college, it can
Speaker 1: be fast paced. Every day you wake up, you do this,
Speaker 1: you go to sleep, wake up, do this, you go
Speaker 1: to sleep. Before you know what, you spent three weeks,
Speaker 1: it's mid point of the semester. You've never done anything
Speaker 1: for yourself. And with me practicing yoga, I was able
Speaker 1: to be more mindful and intentional about Just as often
Speaker 1: as I put in this assignment is due in my calendar,
Speaker 1: I can also put in this is a block of
Speaker 1: an hour for myself to go to hot yoga, get
Speaker 1: my sweat, come back, shower, eat dinner, and then go
Speaker 1: back to the work. The work is never going to leave,
Speaker 1: but it's how are you able to show up for
Speaker 1: yourself in the midst of everything that's happening. Because it's
Speaker 1: never going to be given to you have to do
Speaker 1: it yourself. And so I'm just grateful for my line
Speaker 1: sister for planning that seat in me. And I'm always
Speaker 1: just very shocked that that moment I realize, like, no,
Speaker 1: I can't keep doing this back and forth and back
Speaker 1: and forth, Like I'm busy and I feel drained, and
Speaker 1: i feel tired, I feel bad. What can I do
Speaker 1: to make myself feel better? So I think finding a hobby,
Speaker 1: finding something you're passion in, finding that one thing that
Speaker 1: you can do every day that can make your day
Speaker 1: a little lighter. Because again, classes will be there, the
Speaker 1: paper will be there, the mid term will be there,
Speaker 1: but how will you be there for you? So once
Speaker 1: I started to think in that way, it was chef's kiss. Additionally,
Speaker 1: I have a therapist, So therapy very very important in school.
Speaker 1: Without therapy, there's just a lot of self talk that
Speaker 1: can happen in school. There's a lot of negative things
Speaker 1: that happened in school, where relationship changes, financial situations, life
Speaker 1: crisis is that you don't know will pop up, like
Speaker 1: life is just so unprecedented. During college, it should be
Speaker 1: its own book. And so having that person that I know. Again,
Speaker 1: the schedule, I think I just love scheduling and I'm
Speaker 1: secure in knowing let me just get through this day.
Speaker 1: On Wednesday, I'm logging on to my hour session to
Speaker 1: talk about this paper that I don't want to write,
Speaker 1: or just my insecurities being a student Like that is
Speaker 1: a real and that's an okay thing to have insecurities
Speaker 1: as you move throughout the four years so huge. Advocate
Speaker 1: for a therapist if you're looking for a black woman
Speaker 1: therapist or know a young woman that is. Therapy for
Speaker 1: Black Girls has a vast digital directory that allows you
Speaker 1: to search for in office and virtual license mental health professionals.
Speaker 1: You can search at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory.
Speaker 1: As Jana mentioned, this college age period has so many
Speaker 1: new situations that may arise. Feelings of pride, connectivity, and
Speaker 1: hope are as common as feelings of inadequacy, imposter syndrome,
Speaker 1: and grief during this time in your life. Don't invalidate
Speaker 1: your feelings and experiences, no matter how small you may
Speaker 1: think they are, they matter. Gina knows from personal experience.
Speaker 1: Classic Tale of unc is our basketball team. This has
Speaker 1: been a conversation that I've heard about before college. When
Speaker 1: I was talking about Carolina, people would be like, oh,
Speaker 1: like Duke, Like, oh, that's the rival, and I just
Speaker 1: got that the culture of the school before even seeing
Speaker 1: the school or really doing research about the school. So
Speaker 1: having the opportunity to get accepted to Carolina and now
Speaker 1: I'm a first year and I'm hearing all of the
Speaker 1: wisdom from class of twenty nineteen and class of twenty
Speaker 1: twenty about their experiences rushing Franklin Street and the thrill
Speaker 1: of being a student here and just the memories that
Speaker 1: they hold from winning a national championship, and just the excitement,
Speaker 1: like it's a literal feeling that all students have when
Speaker 1: we are able to be successful as a basketball team.
Speaker 1: It's amazing and it's silly, but it's something that we
Speaker 1: do take pride in. And I took pride in that.
Speaker 1: I took pride in being we are the twenty seventeen
Speaker 1: University of National champions Like all these things I took
Speaker 1: pride in. So for three years, I was under the
Speaker 1: impression I was going to be able to rush a
Speaker 1: Franklin Street, go to a Duke game, do the chance
Speaker 1: see everything on Franklin Street has an unfold. COVID happened
Speaker 1: my freshman year, so that kind of took its own toll.
Speaker 1: So I wasn't able to, and then my sophomore year
Speaker 1: we ended up beating Duke. But because I was so
Speaker 1: disconnected to the university following COVID, I didn't feel the
Speaker 1: need to go support like I was just trying to
Speaker 1: survive remote work and being at home. And then my
Speaker 1: junior year schedule, I was busy. I was focused on
Speaker 1: making sure that my grades were okay. I was trying
Speaker 1: to maintain my future, putting things in place. In senior year,
Speaker 1: I finally get the opportunity I get a Duke ticket
Speaker 1: after the university changed the policy in the beginning of
Speaker 1: this year saying that if you're a senior, you will
Speaker 1: not get a guaranteed ticket. It was an up war
Speaker 1: on campus. All in class of twenty twenty three was
Speaker 1: shocked because you've told us for four years that we
Speaker 1: will have a Duke ticket again. The ingraining and the
Speaker 1: instilling of how important this game is, you've done that.
Speaker 1: I was able to get a Phase two ticket. That's
Speaker 1: a really good ticket. You're in the stadium or the stands.
Speaker 1: People spend thousands of dollars on these tickets, and I
Speaker 1: was able just to be there. And we ended up
Speaker 1: losing the game, and genuinely that hurt my feelings because
Speaker 1: that was something that I expected, That was something that
Speaker 1: I was told that was going to happen, and so
Speaker 1: I believed and I trusted in that, and it disappointed
Speaker 1: me because that's a tradition that I'll never get to
Speaker 1: experience as a student and as a person who is
Speaker 1: first generation. I want to be able to speak on
Speaker 1: my collegiate experiences to people. And I went to a
Speaker 1: duke game and we won, and I got to have
Speaker 1: joy in my school, enjoy in being a student, enjoy
Speaker 1: in all the trials and tribulations that I've experienced in college,
Speaker 1: like this one moment I didn't get to have. And
Speaker 1: while that was a recent experience, I think it did
Speaker 1: show me to allow things not to happen, and in
Speaker 1: the midst of disappointment, learning how to continue your life
Speaker 1: and reframe how you want to move again. Senior years
Speaker 1: has been a lot of reframing for me, and so
Speaker 1: I had to reframe how I thought about it. After
Speaker 1: we lost, I went to sleep super sad. Campus was
Speaker 1: super quiet. It was a sad time. People were crying, upset,
Speaker 1: all these emotions that they're able to feel. I decided
Speaker 1: just to be grateful that again, I'm graduating this year
Speaker 1: and that's something that freshman year me would be ecstatic for.
Speaker 1: So that's something that I can be proud of and
Speaker 1: that's something that I can look forward to. And I
Speaker 1: did get to go to a due game. So there
Speaker 1: are positives to everything that I have done. But it's
Speaker 1: how you're able to work through your grief and work
Speaker 1: through your disappointment in college that I think is the
Speaker 1: bigger picture. Well, Jane worked through her feelings of grief,
Speaker 1: Khalia had to reckon with her feelings of imposter syndrome
Speaker 1: and pushing through the feedba of others who can't quite
Speaker 1: yet see her dynamic vision for her life. I feel
Speaker 1: imposterion syndrome because one, for the longest time, grades have
Speaker 1: defined who I am and my value. So especially when
Speaker 1: I wasn't getting good grades, at some points, it would
Speaker 1: just be like, oh, this is equivalent to who I am,
Speaker 1: So trying to separate that academics isn't end all be y'all.
Speaker 1: I am considering taking a gap year, so that is
Speaker 1: also really hard because everyone's telling you. You know, if
Speaker 1: you don't go now, you're never gonna do it, and
Speaker 1: it's kind of like the same thing as high school,
Speaker 1: Like you see everyone else around you making moves and
Speaker 1: you're wondering, like it's what I'm doing right, But you
Speaker 1: really have to hone in like this is my path
Speaker 1: and no one else's, and comparison is a deef of joy.
Speaker 1: So I just tell myself that when I feel like
Speaker 1: imposterion syndrome. And I also do art on the side.
Speaker 1: So even though I do want to be a teacher,
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of people in my age,
Speaker 1: they don't have one career they want to stay in.
Speaker 1: So that's how I'm trying to see my future, like
Speaker 1: I could do multiple avenues. I want to eventually connect
Speaker 1: education and art. So just realizing I can be whoever
Speaker 1: I want. I don't have to fit one label. I'm
Speaker 1: sure Jena and Khaliah's families are both so incredibly proud
Speaker 1: of them. I know I am. College is such a
Speaker 1: WorldWind of life lessons and personal development. It's a time
Speaker 1: in your life that can easily define your twenties and
Speaker 1: set you on a path of self discovery you could
Speaker 1: have never imagined. Here's some closing words from the graduating
Speaker 1: class of twenty twenty three. Experience is what you make
Speaker 1: of it, for sure, and I have no regrets for
Speaker 1: what I've done. I think I've met a lot of
Speaker 1: great people that I've networked. I've grown into myself. I
Speaker 1: definitely was insecure about I guess being black, being who
Speaker 1: I am, and I feel that how we are people
Speaker 1: like just came with me open arms. I went natural
Speaker 1: my freshman year at college, and all my roommates and stuff,
Speaker 1: they helped me with my hair. Shout out to them.
Speaker 1: And I've learned some small things about black history. Everyone's
Speaker 1: required to take an Afro history class, so I learned
Speaker 1: a lot about our people, and that's something that's very
Speaker 1: valuable that a whole dear to me. Howard, it just
Speaker 1: gives you opportunities that you might not find anywhere else.
Speaker 1: And it just shows that black excellence is alive and
Speaker 1: well and that I have faith in the future generations.
Speaker 1: I think that we're definitely setting the tone for what's
Speaker 1: to come in the future. I honestly think that at
Speaker 1: this point of senior year, I'm looking towards making intentional
Speaker 1: memories and allowing myself to have acceptance towards my past
Speaker 1: three years. I have the advice of just making sure
Speaker 1: that like now we're transitioning postgrad accepting and getting closer
Speaker 1: to the acceptance piece of what the three years has
Speaker 1: looked like as we move forward, because again with my
Speaker 1: experience COVID, that's something that I will probably still have
Speaker 1: to like feel through and like accept that I lost
Speaker 1: a year of college, which is still wild to say,
Speaker 1: but with accepting that that's happened, with me accepting that
Speaker 1: I didn't get to experience all the Carolina traditions and
Speaker 1: being a tar heel and all these things. However, there's
Speaker 1: so many more memories to be made, like right now
Speaker 1: that no one else will get to experience but a senior,
Speaker 1: or but someone that's about to matriculate out of school.
Speaker 1: So making sure that there's acceptance but also like optimism
Speaker 1: about what's to come, because I'm personally just very excited
Speaker 1: as the weather gets warmer and it's as you know,
Speaker 1: we're outside more, just accepting that optimism is an okay thing,
Speaker 1: Like you can be optimistic, you can be naive about
Speaker 1: what this next step looks like, these are all positive,
Speaker 1: okay and natural things. So I just say to all
Speaker 1: my graduating seniors, I feel like just relish in the
Speaker 1: fact that this page is about to be completed. The
Speaker 1: entire book is about to be completed in this one moment,
Speaker 1: and that is beautiful within itself. So it's being proud
Speaker 1: and moving with intention as you wrap up your collegiate experience.
Speaker 1: Congratulations to the graduating class of twenty twenty three. To
Speaker 1: Jana and Kalia, thank you both so much for joining
Speaker 1: me on the Therapy for Black Girls podcast and sharing
Speaker 1: your experiences with us. We're rooting for you as you
Speaker 1: walk across that stage later this year. We can't wrap
Speaker 1: this episode up without having a little senior fund, so
Speaker 1: we played a little game of this or that with
Speaker 1: Kalia and Jana. Check it out. Let's play a little
Speaker 1: game of this or that. College Senior Edition Number one,
Speaker 1: Study alone or study in groups. Study alone taught me
Speaker 1: you need to study alone. Study alone, study alone if
Speaker 1: you don't know the content, because your friends will distract you.
Speaker 1: But if you have a dcent like concepts of what's
Speaker 1: going on, you're studying a group because y'all gonna help
Speaker 1: each other and feelanced like spaces. You don't know. My
Speaker 1: whole college experience was divided conquered, so we work SMA
Speaker 1: or not harder, So I say it's a Mexic book.
Speaker 1: Number two handwritten or type notes. Type type it's faster,
Speaker 1: faster handwritten notes if you don't want a contract, because
Speaker 1: when you write it, it definitely stores in your memory.
Speaker 1: But especially because we went virtual, everything was digital because
Speaker 1: I was able to like quit search certain things that
Speaker 1: I forgot, So I've definitely more to type two notes.
Speaker 1: Number three spring break or fall break. I only say
Speaker 1: fall break because by the time you get to fall
Speaker 1: break and that fall semester, I need the fall break.
Speaker 1: Spring break. It's like it's a trip time, like I
Speaker 1: didn't really need it, but fall break by that point,
Speaker 1: midterms have already hit me, I'm tired, it's now dark,
Speaker 1: or like it's just you need a break. So I'm
Speaker 1: a huge advocate for a good fall break. I would
Speaker 1: say fall went to break because spring break it's still
Speaker 1: code unless you go somewhere like you travel. I usually
Speaker 1: go away from my fall with your break, but I
Speaker 1: think it is a relaxing time, so I'm grateful. But
Speaker 1: fall break for Christmas is a month, so obviously that's longer.
Speaker 1: Number four paper writer or test taker paper Definitely test
Speaker 1: taker test taker. I'm not taking an in person paper
Speaker 1: tester so long. It's so long, I don't know how
Speaker 1: I ever did it. I don't know how number five
Speaker 1: football season or basketball season. Football season and tailgating is
Speaker 1: a big it's a big thing. So I enjoy single
Speaker 1: lumps and just tailgating. Good food, just good. Just go
Speaker 1: basketball season one. I think football is boring. I just
Speaker 1: see like this gets tackled all the time, and I
Speaker 1: can't see no one's face. Everything so far away. Basketball
Speaker 1: you're like up in the mix. And I just like bosketball.
Speaker 1: I always like watching basketball better. And then we have,
Speaker 1: like our cheerleaders dance, and then we have a dance team,
Speaker 1: so we have two dance teams. So it's a lot.
Speaker 1: It's a lot going on at basketball games. And it's
Speaker 1: not cold. We'll let the college students battle it out
Speaker 1: on Twitter. Based on Khalia and Jina's responses, I want
Speaker 1: to thank Khalia and Jina for joining us for this episode.
Speaker 1: Of course, we'd love for you to support these women
Speaker 1: and stay connected to them. And here's how you can
Speaker 1: stay connected to me on my Instagram at Jena j
Speaker 1: A y n A dot ls E L L I
Speaker 1: S you can find me. My personal Instagram is Khalia
Speaker 1: dot j k A l i h A dot j so.
Speaker 1: Also find me on my art page Khalia Creations, its
Speaker 1: Ka l i h a dot Creations and the creations
Speaker 1: Felts with the k SO. To learn more about the
Speaker 1: work we're doing with TBG University, please make sure to
Speaker 1: follow us on both Instagram and TikTok at TBG University