Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
Speaker 1: the podcast where we discuss the big life changes and
Speaker 1: transitions of our twenties and what they mean for our psychology.
Speaker 1: So today it's a kind of a different episode. I've
Speaker 1: got some special guests joining me shortly, Meg and Jack,
Speaker 1: some nearest and dearest friends of mine. What are you
Speaker 1: going to do? A slightly different episode today, it's a
Speaker 1: loveline episode. We asked you to send in your love queries, conundrums, problems, questions.
Speaker 1: With our combined wisdom, we decided to answer some of them,
Speaker 1: So I really hope you enjoy listening to us spill
Speaker 1: some wisdom into your headphones or speakers or however you're listening. Also,
Speaker 1: don't forget to subscribe if you're listening right now, so
Speaker 1: you know when new episodes get posted. And a really
Speaker 1: great way to help this podcast grow is to leave
Speaker 1: us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It really
Speaker 1: helps the podcast grow. So if you feel cool to
Speaker 1: leave a review, I'd obviously feel very grateful. But with
Speaker 1: that being said, I hope you guys enjoy the episode,
Speaker 1: and if you want us to do more like this,
Speaker 1: let us know. Meg Meg, the Uniting Force of Meg.
Speaker 1: It's our first time on the podcast Meg. How are
Speaker 1: you feeling about I'm a bit nervous. I'm a bit nervous,
Speaker 1: but I feel like I'm with two podcasts experts now
Speaker 1: and I really enjoyed your episode, so I'm glad i'd
Speaker 1: like to join the mix. Yeah. We've been wanting to
Speaker 1: do this for a while. I think this is a
Speaker 1: much better idea than the ideas that we had. Yeah, obviously,
Speaker 1: because it's like we're going to answer people's questions. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like you two are very good bestowers of wisdom. Oh,
Speaker 1: thank you. It's a little bit more guided too, I
Speaker 1: have clearer expectations. Yeah. Yeah. So basically today's episode is
Speaker 1: a love line episode where I had to kind of
Speaker 1: explain this to you. That's what this was. So basically
Speaker 1: I posted on a few platforms and was like sending
Speaker 1: your love queries and conundrums and then us three twenty
Speaker 1: year olds people in our twenties is going to provide
Speaker 1: you expert advice. So if you did send something in like,
Speaker 1: please keep your expectations low because we're not qualified, we're
Speaker 1: not experts, we're not expert. Who's in life. That's really wise.
Speaker 1: Yea thank you mag maybe makes pretty good? Yeah? Pretty
Speaker 1: Tim first? Yeah, just Tim Joe a podcast, Ben Sapi definitely.
Speaker 1: I don't know what straight man like that doesn't have
Speaker 1: a podcast. True, And here I am. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: diversify this. Yeah, break it up, break it up. Um.
Speaker 1: So basically, people send it and they're like love things
Speaker 1: that are going on in their love lives, and we
Speaker 1: like discuss it and try and provide explanations and advice.
Speaker 1: And we've got quite a few responses. We got like
Speaker 1: thirteen fourteen people and we had a little read of
Speaker 1: them already. Now it's time to get into it. Sounds good.
Speaker 1: What's what's your love wisdom to start off with? Should
Speaker 1: we all go around and say our love I don't
Speaker 1: have much love wisdom? You got a riff off? Okay,
Speaker 1: riff yeah about that. My favorite piece of love wisdom
Speaker 1: is live laugh love. Yeah, that's maybe that could be.
Speaker 1: I thought this was a serious. Yeah, yeah, that's fantastic.
Speaker 1: It is serious. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a white woman, of course. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but who's lived? Whose laugh? And whose love? Mm? Tack
Speaker 1: yourself yeah, tag yourself definitely laugh? Yeah yeah, okay, So yeah,
Speaker 1: you'd be loved Jim. Oh, thanks, and you'll live. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is nice. We're getting the tattoos. Throw another one
Speaker 1: out there, yeah yeah, yeah, and we'll get it on
Speaker 1: our wrists like our fingers will come together. It joins us.
Speaker 1: Yeah maybe, but I actually don't think this is a
Speaker 1: bad idea. Oh yeah, let's let's let's do it with
Speaker 1: pencil first. Always changed our mind. They give me elect reactions,
Speaker 1: anything temporary. Maybe that's your love advice, commitment. That's a
Speaker 1: good start. There we go, well, minds e. Prey Love.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I watched I watched that movie in India
Speaker 1: when I was finding you. Watched Prey Love, the version
Speaker 1: with What's It was fantastic. It was the prey part
Speaker 1: was in India and it was really cool. Oh and
Speaker 1: I was in nash room when I saw it. Was Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was really realistic. I had no idea anyway. It
Speaker 1: was quite cool. Well, Well, now you guys have all
Speaker 1: summarized it in three words, but I don't think I can.
Speaker 1: I don't try. I try. Um love love you too,
Speaker 1: that's love you too, because I feel like that's what
Speaker 1: you like. Maybe you know you know when you started,
Speaker 1: when you start a sentence. Yea, when you, when you?
Speaker 1: When you? When you? Yeah, he love you too, I
Speaker 1: love you too, love you. It's like reciprical megs. It's like,
Speaker 1: don't be temporary. Mind's reciprical. Jackson's that he found himself
Speaker 1: in India and that's why he doesn't need love exactly. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I'm so happy. Yeah, No, I'm just pretty spiritual. Just
Speaker 1: getting to myself right now. Yeah, I'm just working on myself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was what I said, literally, Meg before you came
Speaker 1: in and I was like to Jack, I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is has been fun, but I really need some
Speaker 1: time by myself, like desperately. Cliches, but they're true, aren't they.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you do mean some alone time? Yeah, yeah enough. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was going to quote Justin Bieber because he's the
Speaker 1: king of good marriages as we know, and um, I
Speaker 1: was going to say, um, you should go and love yourself,
Speaker 1: and I thing, that's yeah, that's I don't know about
Speaker 1: that one, Dustin Bieber. It doesn't fit in with me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm a Taylor Swift stand Okay, of course, what's a
Speaker 1: quote from Taylor Swift. She's got a lot of my
Speaker 1: odds so much, Oh my recent lyric that I've been
Speaker 1: obsessed with two. I'm sorry if you're listening to this
Speaker 1: and you have no interest to this, but one of
Speaker 1: them is, Um, you kept me like a secret, but
Speaker 1: I kept you like an oath. And that's just like,
Speaker 1: that's really sad and just between us. Did the love
Speaker 1: affair mame you two? That's pretty cool? Yeah, very tragic,
Speaker 1: but not really happy to intimate, isn't the songwriting? That's
Speaker 1: not even the there's like not even the best bit,
Speaker 1: the juiciest bit. Yeah. Anyhow, my favorite lyrics from the
Speaker 1: new version of All Too Well Taylor Swift version Jake. Okay,
Speaker 1: we already got into Taylor Swift in six minutes in
Speaker 1: we talked about how Jake Jillen Hall is the most
Speaker 1: hated man in America, in the world. What love advice
Speaker 1: would you give Jake Jillen Hall right now? Um, o'd
Speaker 1: be having a tough time if he's not in your
Speaker 1: relationship to turn this. Imagine imagine getting outed like that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: for being for doing what he did. Stop finding your
Speaker 1: girlfriends at high schools. Yeah, that's a good one. That's
Speaker 1: a good one for everyone that is in high school. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Jake in particular, but also all human beings. Yeah, unless
Speaker 1: you are also in high school. Yeah, in which case,
Speaker 1: grow don't date someone who's not Ben. There's no over circles.
Speaker 1: It's true. Yeah, that's funny. It's true. Yeah. That was
Speaker 1: a really good that was really solid advice, and thank you.
Speaker 1: My advice would be, Um, show up at your girlfriend's
Speaker 1: twenty first birthday party. Yeah when you said that you
Speaker 1: were going to go. Yeah, just because yeah, standards standard
Speaker 1: sand stuff, isn't it. Yeah. Yeah, twenty first is coming up, guys.
Speaker 1: So if my if my future boyfriend, who's listening, yeah,
Speaker 1: be there, listen, I'll write a hate album about you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It was not a hate album. It was a hot
Speaker 1: so I was like, it was not a hate album. Well,
Speaker 1: if your boyfriend doesn't show up, I'll do like a
Speaker 1: full rendition of the moment I knew for you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he won't show up to her twenty first birthday party.
Speaker 1: And if one of us doesn't show up, oh yeah
Speaker 1: we will, we will. We will because I don't want to.
Speaker 1: I don't want to deal with the drama that Jake's
Speaker 1: going through right now. Yeah. Um, so do we want
Speaker 1: to look at some of the questions that have been
Speaker 1: sent to us by our lovely friends and sure people
Speaker 1: that we know. So yeah, sorry, I have my phone,
Speaker 1: so well how about we use me? Well, I have
Speaker 1: one percent, so I'm also not going to be that
Speaker 1: much hues. But Jack's phone is literally right behind him
Speaker 1: when he says he doesn't, well, yeah, I didn't want
Speaker 1: to because I'm doing a podcast. I wanted to be
Speaker 1: in the zone and so I didn't get distracted by messages,
Speaker 1: so I put it behind me. Oh that's really yeah,
Speaker 1: but now but no, we can use money. So okay,
Speaker 1: just a quick thing. So I screenshot at all of
Speaker 1: them and they're all anonymous because I had a feeling that, like,
Speaker 1: we obviously know some of the same people. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: and some of them would have been submitting and we
Speaker 1: would have known it. Yeah, absolutely, So go on, make
Speaker 1: to choose the first one. I actually, I know this
Speaker 1: one is kind of a joke, but the question the
Speaker 1: guy I'm dating is actually nice question mark, is this
Speaker 1: for real? There's lots of capitalization in it. I think
Speaker 1: that's a really interesting question to unpack. Actually, because um, Jack,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you have alternative thoughts on this,
Speaker 1: but I think there's like a tendency to like, when
Speaker 1: you expect the worst from people, you have had the
Speaker 1: worst from people, Yeah, you want to create that situation
Speaker 1: for yourself, if that makes sense. So like there is
Speaker 1: actually nothing bad in the situation, but you've created like
Speaker 1: you are so unwilling to believe that there is anything
Speaker 1: good that you're going to manifest this like weird bad
Speaker 1: situation that doesn't actually exist. And I've seen so many
Speaker 1: people do it now, and I think it's like such
Speaker 1: a process to actually be like, Okay, well maybe this
Speaker 1: person is just nice and we can accept that at
Speaker 1: face value. Yeah. Absolutely. It's like you become comfortable with
Speaker 1: the idea of like them, of people not treating you well,
Speaker 1: and then when they don't treat you well, you're like
Speaker 1: that actually gives me anxiety, yeah, because this is not
Speaker 1: what I've been accustomed to. Yeah, so it's like really strange.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, or there's a I think and there
Speaker 1: can sometimes be a suspicion about it when past experiences
Speaker 1: have been bad, definitely, And I think that almost leads
Speaker 1: to you not being a nice person, Like I would say,
Speaker 1: when you're when you're expecting the worst of somebody, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's what sort of you're internalizing. But you're spending
Speaker 1: all this time with this person, but you're wanting them
Speaker 1: to be awful. Yeah, how could you give? Like how
Speaker 1: could you be the best for them? It's like quite interesting,
Speaker 1: but it's also about like un learning. I think the
Speaker 1: big thing here is that like in your twenties, you're
Speaker 1: going to have like shit relationships with people who are
Speaker 1: going to treat you badly. Yeah, And I think that
Speaker 1: what happens is when you meet someone who's actually nice,
Speaker 1: it's like you have to unlearn all the patterns that
Speaker 1: allowed you to kind of like survive to that time
Speaker 1: in which you were like, oh, this is what I deserve. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's like almost adjusting your entire self concept to
Speaker 1: this new standard of like how you should be treated. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And it's like so almost like uncomfortable because it also
Speaker 1: means that you have to sit back and be like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, the whole time I was being treated
Speaker 1: really badly, I actually probably didn't deserve that, but I
Speaker 1: tolerated it. Yeah, And it's like having to sit back
Speaker 1: with yourself and be like wow, that can be like
Speaker 1: a really uncomfortable moment. Yeah. Definitely think that create the
Speaker 1: anxiety around it. Yeah, I think I've been quite lucky.
Speaker 1: I don't think I've had any relationships where I've been
Speaker 1: treated badly ending or maybe. But I also I don't
Speaker 1: even think you have to have had it. I think
Speaker 1: if you have an anxiety, whether it's been from a
Speaker 1: previous friendship or you know, like an argument with a
Speaker 1: parent or whatever, a sibling falling out or whatever, and
Speaker 1: you have that sort of expectation of people who I
Speaker 1: care about don't care about me, or and it can
Speaker 1: just be like I honestly think, like I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: not a psychologist, you have to because I definitely everything,
Speaker 1: you know, like a people who are born with particular
Speaker 1: sort of propensities for I don't know, like anxiety around
Speaker 1: their social relationships or whatever, Like the act actually accepting Okay, well,
Speaker 1: this is a person who I care about and they're
Speaker 1: actually just nice and there's nothing inherently like cooked about
Speaker 1: them or something that I have to worry about, and
Speaker 1: just like accepting that could actually be a really big thing.
Speaker 1: And I think if you don't, then you're just going
Speaker 1: to be like creating a different relationship in your head
Speaker 1: the one that actually exists. Yeah, it's quite yeah, like
Speaker 1: you can't change someone else's behavior, but you can change
Speaker 1: your expectations. Yeah, and it couldn't be improving your expectations
Speaker 1: and yeah, actually this is like this new level. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's important. Yeah. Yeah. There are nice guys out there.
Speaker 1: There are yea and nice women and I'm nice not
Speaker 1: buying people. Yeah, nice people. Yeah, in the world, there
Speaker 1: are very nice people. Yeah. But it's funny when you
Speaker 1: meet one and you're like, oh, like like this is
Speaker 1: what I deserve. Yeah. Yeah, really shocking because it's and
Speaker 1: it also can leave you like I think a lot
Speaker 1: of times people have like we're saying this tendency to
Speaker 1: self sabotage yeah and be like I actually don't deserve this,
Speaker 1: Like this must be a mistake yeah, yeah, or you're
Speaker 1: lying or this kind of I'm looking for the thing
Speaker 1: that's wrong about this, because there must be one, and
Speaker 1: I don't think that always has to be the case,
Speaker 1: or even if it is, I don't think it's like,
Speaker 1: even if it ends up that that person wasn't very
Speaker 1: nice two years down the track, I don't think you
Speaker 1: can go that whole two years waiting for that moment
Speaker 1: to arrive, for something to switch. Yeah, I'm often in
Speaker 1: that state where I'm like, well, what's not like chop?
Speaker 1: And sometimes you push them a little bit to be
Speaker 1: like I'm sick of waiting, like just show me your
Speaker 1: bad side now so I can get and decide and
Speaker 1: then we can move on. Yeah. Yeah, kind of sad
Speaker 1: ideal not ideal. But whoever that person was, obviously I
Speaker 1: know who it was. But I'm glad that you're happy
Speaker 1: in your relationship. Yes, yeah. And also you're nice. Doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be everybody else's nice. I think it's the thing.
Speaker 1: And this is like a whole other thing, but I
Speaker 1: think there's a tendency, especially in like a place like
Speaker 1: Canberra where everyone kind of knows each other and it's
Speaker 1: a very insular sort of community of twenty something year
Speaker 1: olds who are like all very connected, to be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: well this person was really like I really hated them
Speaker 1: and they're really awful to me and blah blah blah
Speaker 1: line it just didn't work out. But that person might
Speaker 1: you might have been awful for each other, and that's like,
Speaker 1: it doesn't necessarily mean it will be the same thing
Speaker 1: for another person. And this whole sort of thing of like,
Speaker 1: oh they were really awful, So like, you know, I
Speaker 1: can't be with them because they must not be nice.
Speaker 1: But it's people have different standards and different like metry,
Speaker 1: and maybe they like that new person a bit more
Speaker 1: and they're like willing to change their Yeah. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: I remember, like I don't know if you said this
Speaker 1: to me or maybe we said it in like a discussion,
Speaker 1: but it's like, no one like what maybe some I
Speaker 1: think some people are, but in general, people aren't inherently
Speaker 1: toxic or bad. They just have friction with each other. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's like, you know, the wrong person for you
Speaker 1: might act like the perfectly right person for someone else. Yeah, definitely,
Speaker 1: like huge anyhow, congratulations to this person. It is I'm
Speaker 1: sure very exciting, very exciting. Um, okay, this is nice.
Speaker 1: One actually reach out and wants to have a closure chat.
Speaker 1: But I've fully moved on what should I do? Should
Speaker 1: I chat with her or just say I'm not interested?
Speaker 1: What should this person do? You don't owe your ex shit,
Speaker 1: You owe them nothing, I'm sorry, Like that might be controversial.
Speaker 1: You don't owe them fucking anything. I think that's I
Speaker 1: completely agree. I think I think it's like it depends
Speaker 1: on what you want to get out of the next phase,
Speaker 1: you know, of the dynamic between you two. I think
Speaker 1: it's a really really good way to make sure things
Speaker 1: i'm awkward between you two, and a good way to
Speaker 1: even have a friendship with them if you want that. Like,
Speaker 1: I'm good friends with one of my exes from high school,
Speaker 1: and I'm very happy for that friendship, and I'm glad
Speaker 1: that we did have that closure chat, which happened quite
Speaker 1: a while after actually, so it depends a while after
Speaker 1: being the fact that you guys probably had already moved on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: both of you. Yeah, yeah, it was it was like
Speaker 1: a two months or something. Oh yeah, yeah, so yeah, No,
Speaker 1: it depends on what kind of relationship you want to
Speaker 1: have with them. But then also it's important I think
Speaker 1: if you if the relationship is nasty and you don't
Speaker 1: want to take yourself back to that place, don't do it,
Speaker 1: because it's gonna be really bad for you. Yes, that's true.
Speaker 1: I also think you get into an habit of like
Speaker 1: having repeated closure chats. Yeah, yeah, you have one chat
Speaker 1: and then it's like, ah, but I have all these
Speaker 1: unanswered questions. You're probably never This is perhaps we're giving
Speaker 1: advice to the person who's asking for the closure chat.
Speaker 1: But it's kind of like you're never actually going to
Speaker 1: get an answer, Like you just have to move on.
Speaker 1: Like human behavior is entirely irrational. There's like absolutely no
Speaker 1: explanation and coherent narrative that's going to explain why your
Speaker 1: relationship ended. Yeah, and at there's a point where you
Speaker 1: can get really unhealthy as well, when you like want
Speaker 1: to ask questions that aren't there and it can just
Speaker 1: be bad for you. Yeah, I had that. I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, when you're really hurt, it makes sense that
Speaker 1: you're like I need an answer, I need an answer,
Speaker 1: but they're never going to give you an answer, and
Speaker 1: it just yeah, yeah, number one, you know, you've already
Speaker 1: decided what you wanted to hear and they're never going
Speaker 1: to say that. So I would say, don't don't have
Speaker 1: the closure chat, just be like I don't think it's
Speaker 1: the right time for us. Give her some chance to
Speaker 1: like actually heal. And it's Yeah, it sounds like by
Speaker 1: the fact that this person is asking the question, they
Speaker 1: probably don't feel like they want to have the chat. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: the whole thing is as well, like there's so many
Speaker 1: there's many dimensions to this question. Yeah, So I think
Speaker 1: the first thing is like obviously that there's like inequity
Speaker 1: in the playing fields, right, because you've got somebody who's
Speaker 1: like evidently not over or a field that they haven't
Speaker 1: closed that door, and then someone who feels that they have. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then that's where the issues stem from. I think
Speaker 1: if you're both in the same place about the situation,
Speaker 1: I think if you're both coming from an equal place
Speaker 1: of you know, I'm a little bit hot, but I'd
Speaker 1: like to have this conversation because I'd like to build
Speaker 1: a friendship with you, or because i'd like to whatever,
Speaker 1: I think that's fine. Right. Then if it's like you
Speaker 1: know that you're going to walk into that conversation and
Speaker 1: be interrogated for answers that you can't give, well, then
Speaker 1: that's weird. But I think if you did want to
Speaker 1: do it, I think it would then be really important
Speaker 1: to set boundaries, like really clear expectations of this is
Speaker 1: what I want to get out of this, what do
Speaker 1: you want to get out of this, so that that
Speaker 1: way there's like an end to those expectations, which is
Speaker 1: really clinical and like gross, but I think it's like
Speaker 1: it's one of those things where it's sort of like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm going to have this conversation which is gonna be
Speaker 1: difficult for me. I you know, Like my favorite one
Speaker 1: is like, you know, you book somewhere to go afterwards,
Speaker 1: so like if you're going to be having this difficult conversation,
Speaker 1: you like, I've got to be somewhere at three thirty,
Speaker 1: so I have an hour and that way things don't
Speaker 1: drag on or get unnecessarily weird. It's sort of like
Speaker 1: that's an end. And if you set out and start
Speaker 1: what you want to cover in that time, which is
Speaker 1: really weird. It's like an agenda for like a work meeting.
Speaker 1: But if you set out what you want to cover
Speaker 1: and you have to be somewhere, it can't drag on
Speaker 1: or get we all like, oh we didn't finish, so
Speaker 1: we have to catch up again. It's like, no, I
Speaker 1: have an hour. M yeah, that's so yeah, that's actually
Speaker 1: such solid advice. Thanks. I think the other issue with
Speaker 1: like closure chats is that often it can mean that
Speaker 1: that person is actually looking for you to be their
Speaker 1: emotional support to the breakup, Like because if they're looking
Speaker 1: to you for the closure chat, yeah, it might just
Speaker 1: be that they really do need an answer just cheated
Speaker 1: on them or if something, if you've done it out
Speaker 1: of the blue, perhaps you do probably owe them an
Speaker 1: explanation if you can't about this person. But it's also
Speaker 1: like I need to have this closure chat not because
Speaker 1: I need answers, but because I actually need you to
Speaker 1: provide me with some emotional support. Yeah, because it's like
Speaker 1: you've gone from dating this person then being that you're everything,
Speaker 1: to going through something that is really hard that naturally
Speaker 1: you would actually lean on that person for yeah, And
Speaker 1: so like I definitely I did this in my last
Speaker 1: relationship where I was like, oh my god, I'm so hurt,
Speaker 1: but the only person I want to talk about it
Speaker 1: with is you. Yeah, So like and I think he
Speaker 1: was probably on the same page. It's like, we'll just
Speaker 1: talk about it together. And it's well now, like the
Speaker 1: closure chat has just like meant that we never really
Speaker 1: truly like moved on or stopped communicating. Yeah, because if
Speaker 1: someone like ran over you with a car or something
Speaker 1: and you ended up in hospital, right, very extreme example,
Speaker 1: but you wouldn't go to them and be like can
Speaker 1: you sit with me in hospital? Like, yeah, I just
Speaker 1: need you that Like it makes no sense. It's like
Speaker 1: if someone has actively really hurt you, why, like, why
Speaker 1: is it logical for you to be like why do
Speaker 1: you expect them to hurt you? Yeah? Um, but the
Speaker 1: person who asked this question, i'd say, probably don't do it,
Speaker 1: or if you do, take makes advice. It's like clear
Speaker 1: expectation and have someone to go mutual meeting place? Did
Speaker 1: you say? No? Not with the person like talk about
Speaker 1: mutual meeting place is good like coffee, it's weird if
Speaker 1: they cry? Yeah, you guys are brutally what does she
Speaker 1: need some tears? I don't know? Can I can? I?
Speaker 1: Can I ask the next question? Wait from your brain
Speaker 1: or from the from the thing I don't remember them,
Speaker 1: go for it? Okay, like if you can ask one
Speaker 1: as well? If you okay, Oh, he's a really good one.
Speaker 1: Okay in your ex Oh no, I feel like I
Speaker 1: want to do that one later. Okay. I'm in a
Speaker 1: situation ship with this guy who won't commit. What should
Speaker 1: I do? I think I love him? Oh, I have
Speaker 1: no advice? Okay, can you can you read it again? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Let me find I'm in a situationship with this guy
Speaker 1: who won't commit. What should I do? I think I
Speaker 1: love him, red flag dump him. Yeah, I think I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I have been in so many situation ships. I feel like, see, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, you only want Maybe you're a little
Speaker 1: bit been in a situation ship, do you not? If yeah,
Speaker 1: what do you mean? Yeah, so you're not a relationship?
Speaker 1: A few small ones, yeah, but nothing crazy. But it's
Speaker 1: it's yeah, it's it's. It's really tough because I think
Speaker 1: it depends on what the parameters are, and I think
Speaker 1: the parameters almost always um, hey, I'm not looking to
Speaker 1: get into a relationship. I don't want to commit um,
Speaker 1: but the spending time with you sort of yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: I think I actually agree. I think that you need
Speaker 1: to set up really clear boundary about what you're looking for,
Speaker 1: and if it's not the same thing, they are not
Speaker 1: going to change their mind. Yeah, they're not going to
Speaker 1: change their mind. They're not going to If they do,
Speaker 1: like the situations that I've seen where they do change
Speaker 1: their mind later, it becomes this constant like resentment of
Speaker 1: like I didn't want to be in a relationship, and
Speaker 1: I'm like this relationship because you wanted me to do this,
Speaker 1: and it's just weird, Like I just yuh, yeah, No,
Speaker 1: that's a good point. That's a good point. I think. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I think it's important to like, I guess,
Speaker 1: be open with how you feel, but they're not to
Speaker 1: pressure them into anything. Yeah, because the boundaries are probably
Speaker 1: already set. Good. Yeah, that being said, it sounds like
Speaker 1: they probably already talked about this, maybe have been shut down.
Speaker 1: Which well, the other thing which I always say, come
Speaker 1: up is people so like what kind of what you
Speaker 1: were saying gem about, Like someone like they say they
Speaker 1: don't want a relationship, but then they kind of indicate
Speaker 1: that they do, and then they don't, and then they
Speaker 1: do and then they don't, and then so you get
Speaker 1: into this situation where you're like, oh, well they will
Speaker 1: because they said that they might or they said they could,
Speaker 1: and it's just like sort of and again it builds
Speaker 1: shake you foundations. Right, just like they don't know what
Speaker 1: they want. I think it's what you take out of that,
Speaker 1: and that's not a bad thing. It's genuinely they don't
Speaker 1: know whether they want a relationship or not. Anything. You
Speaker 1: know that that's what you want, well, then you have
Speaker 1: different expectations. So yeah, exactly, And I think if they're
Speaker 1: not there and they're not on the same page as you,
Speaker 1: and they don't want to commit into anything. You just
Speaker 1: like as sad as it is, and like it's you
Speaker 1: as it will be. You have to get out of
Speaker 1: that because otherwise you'll you'll be you're trapped in a
Speaker 1: situation where you're intimate with someone. Do you love that
Speaker 1: you know it doesn't love you back. Yeah, I feel
Speaker 1: really I feel really bad for this. Obviously I know
Speaker 1: who this person is, but I feel because I like,
Speaker 1: and I'm not trying to be like I feel really
Speaker 1: bad for you, because I feel like that's weird. But like,
Speaker 1: I think the other important thing to realize is that
Speaker 1: like if they wanted to, they would, if they wanted
Speaker 1: to be in a relationship with you, they would be
Speaker 1: in a relationship with you. And it has absolutely nothing
Speaker 1: to do with you. Yeah, totally, they aren't ready, and
Speaker 1: to be honest, they're going to fucking probably regret it. Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: if you have this like very beautiful feeling for them,
Speaker 1: that is like really precious and pure and you have
Speaker 1: to see the best parts of someone else to feel
Speaker 1: that way, and they're saying, no, take that and give
Speaker 1: it to someone who really deserves it. And I bet you,
Speaker 1: I bet you some good money that in a few months,
Speaker 1: a few years time, that person's going to still be
Speaker 1: thinking about you, being like damn, yeah, like that person
Speaker 1: really cared about me and I just like didn't. I don't.
Speaker 1: That so sounds a bit toxic. Also, like you know,
Speaker 1: move on, because you won't find that person that you'll
Speaker 1: be able to share that love with until you move
Speaker 1: on from this person ye who clearly doesn't want that,
Speaker 1: right yeah. Yeah, And it ends up yeah to say,
Speaker 1: it's sort of like you have to do some like
Speaker 1: damage control for yourself. And like maybe if you're a
Speaker 1: person who just gets over those kinds of things really
Speaker 1: quickly and just moves on with their lives, okay, fair
Speaker 1: like full steam ahead, like do whatever you want, like
Speaker 1: live your life like this story inspiration. Yeah, but I
Speaker 1: think like you have to sort of be like, Okay, well,
Speaker 1: this person is flip flopping. Even if they do decide
Speaker 1: that they do want a relationship somewhere down the track.
Speaker 1: This whole period where like you've been chasing them sets
Speaker 1: up this weird power dynamic relationship which is just going
Speaker 1: to persist for the duration of the relationship, and you're
Speaker 1: just like setting yourself up for a crap situation regardless
Speaker 1: of whether it grows, if it turns into relationship or not.
Speaker 1: And that's just really sad. That's so true. It's and
Speaker 1: it's like there are people who are not like that
Speaker 1: out there in the world that would be so much
Speaker 1: better and more lovely and wonderful. Yeah, and would appreciate
Speaker 1: your Yeah, because you deserve better, yea better yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And it's although they might not have necessarily done anything wrong,
Speaker 1: you deserve to be in a better situation. Totally. That's
Speaker 1: so true. And like, I'm sorry that you're in that
Speaker 1: situation because I like know what that feels like, and
Speaker 1: it really really sucks. And you're just sitting there being
Speaker 1: like is this not enough? And you are enough for
Speaker 1: the right person? This person obviously isn't the right person. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well they're frank, Yeah, there's not enough for your expectations
Speaker 1: are higher than what they want. It's like the exact
Speaker 1: opposite is they're not meeting your expectation. Yeah, it's like
Speaker 1: you're actually the one. Yeah, you're so right, Like yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not like it's not like, oh my god, like
Speaker 1: I'm not good enough for them. It's like no, like
Speaker 1: if they're not going to meet and obviously there's not
Speaker 1: like they're a demon, they're a devil, they're a villain.
Speaker 1: Like if they've set up clear expectations and somehow you've
Speaker 1: kind of lost your way a little bit, it is
Speaker 1: kind of your responsibility to be like, Okay, well they
Speaker 1: were really open with me about what they wanted. If
Speaker 1: they were open with if they think, it's a different
Speaker 1: question if they were gaslighting and ye, which I know
Speaker 1: you hate the word gaslight. I know, but in the
Speaker 1: situation it kind of yeah, yeah, you'd be like that.
Speaker 1: But I hope that's enough. Good luck? Yeah, question? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love it. It's so fun. Yeah, were you liking it?
Speaker 1: What's the next question? The next one we could do? Um? Okay,
Speaker 1: we got Okay, here we go. This is a friendship one. Yeah, Oh,
Speaker 1: spice it up. I feel like I've lost a lot
Speaker 1: of friends and drifted from people during lockdown. I feel
Speaker 1: like people hate me and don't want to be around me.
Speaker 1: How do I make new friends? Yeah? Oh, so, okay,
Speaker 1: I think I think there's kind of it. It feels
Speaker 1: like a two part It feels like that they're yeah,
Speaker 1: you feel you feel very disconnected from your current friends
Speaker 1: and you feel like you've drifted from them, and maybe
Speaker 1: you feel like you've done something to do that or
Speaker 1: partly responsible. And then there's how do I make new friends? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I think jam is one of the best people
Speaker 1: I know. I'm making new friends well, so well, I
Speaker 1: think if you think that people hate you, you probably
Speaker 1: shouldn't be around them. Yeah. Well, this is what I
Speaker 1: was going to say, is like, because I think I've
Speaker 1: had a similar experience with this where I sort of
Speaker 1: what felt like I lost touch with a lot of
Speaker 1: people and tried to sort of rekindle those friendships and
Speaker 1: was like, I feel like these people hate me. And
Speaker 1: I think if you interrogate that feeling a little bit
Speaker 1: more and you're like, Okay, well, maybe I actually they
Speaker 1: don't hate me. Maybe I'm insecure about this friendship because
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel quite right, and I think sort of
Speaker 1: like interrogating that a little bit more and like sort
Speaker 1: of thinking about, well, why is it that I feel
Speaker 1: this way, and like what is communicating that feeling to me?
Speaker 1: And sometimes I found like I'm like, you know, I
Speaker 1: don't know, like to my mom and sort of like, oh,
Speaker 1: someone sorry hates me, and she's like, why do you
Speaker 1: think that? And I was like, I don't know, Like
Speaker 1: I just feel like that today. I'm like, oh, like, well,
Speaker 1: actually I think that they don't like me because they
Speaker 1: said this thing that I just really hate or and
Speaker 1: then I'm like, okay, well I don't I don't want
Speaker 1: that friendship anymore because you know that whatever they're doing
Speaker 1: that makes me feel like I hate Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think yeah, using as a growth opportunity, like clearly,
Speaker 1: clearly you didn't value friends enough and maybe your friends
Speaker 1: didn't value enough to stay connected during lockdown. Yeah. One
Speaker 1: thing lockdown told me was that I I I figured
Speaker 1: out who I really want to spend time with during
Speaker 1: lockdown and use it as an opportunity to be like,
Speaker 1: well maybe I can have better friends. That sounds kind
Speaker 1: of to like better friends and let's make some new
Speaker 1: friends and develop new connections. Yeah. I've set your intentions
Speaker 1: really clearly with what you want out of your new friends. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then go for it. Yeah. And also I'm like,
Speaker 1: so this is a quote that like Sam, my friend Sam,
Speaker 1: friend of the show, my beautiful friend Sam and Melbourne, Um,
Speaker 1: he has said to me before, and it's kind of
Speaker 1: I've said on the podcast before, like, if you're not
Speaker 1: losing friends, you're not growing. Yeah, And I do think
Speaker 1: that's really true, because there was also that saying people
Speaker 1: in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime,
Speaker 1: and I think that it's important to be like, firstly,
Speaker 1: it might not be that they hate you. It might
Speaker 1: just be that you are a bit socially anxious because
Speaker 1: you haven't seen people for a while, and in that case,
Speaker 1: it's always better just to be like, what's up, let's
Speaker 1: talk about it. Yeah, And like I never did this,
Speaker 1: but I wish that I did, So there's my advice.
Speaker 1: And if they, like Meg was saying, if they're giving
Speaker 1: you the eco making you feel like you're not appreciated,
Speaker 1: it's better to be like alone than to be in
Speaker 1: the company of people who make you feel lonely. Yeah, Like,
Speaker 1: I really I think that is so port And sometimes
Speaker 1: you lose friends, and sometimes you lose a lot of
Speaker 1: friends all at once, and it just means you have
Speaker 1: so much more opportunity to put yourself in situations where
Speaker 1: you can make Like I had this where I had
Speaker 1: like a mass exodus almost and then I just was like,
Speaker 1: this is like a really good sign that I need
Speaker 1: to like I've I've changed. These people have changed in
Speaker 1: their own ways. We haven't changed in the same direction.
Speaker 1: It's time to find people who suit this part of
Speaker 1: me now, this new this new version of my life.
Speaker 1: And I think I think it's like in your twenties,
Speaker 1: your friends with people who you either work with, who
Speaker 1: you know from like high school and university, yeah, or
Speaker 1: who have shared hobbies, experiences, or you live with. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I think it's getting getting into a shared experience
Speaker 1: or a shared hobby. It's a fantastic way to do it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So like find your hobby. It's really you'll make some
Speaker 1: really good friends. Yeah, I do. I do theater. I
Speaker 1: made some fantastic friends through that, and it's really really
Speaker 1: special even if your life, you will know them for
Speaker 1: like a really interesting time. Yeah. And it makes you
Speaker 1: feel less only it makes you feel sene Yeah. And
Speaker 1: would you would you say similar things? Yeah? Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1: And I think it's like it's good once you start
Speaker 1: developing those separate circles of friends, because it's also like
Speaker 1: you're not going to be stoked with every single one
Speaker 1: of your friends at every single point in time. I think, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you need Megan our friends in first year, and I
Speaker 1: was a bit of I was a bit weird in
Speaker 1: first year. I'm sure. Um, yeah, No. I think the
Speaker 1: other thing that I will say, though, is that, um,
Speaker 1: just because you've lost touch during lockdown doesn't inherently mean
Speaker 1: that you shouldn't be friends with those people anymore, because
Speaker 1: I think I've certainly done this, Like I like probably
Speaker 1: when I went home for lockdown last year, I didn't
Speaker 1: talk to people for like months at the time, and
Speaker 1: that wasn't a product of, you know, the fact that
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be friends with those people anymore.
Speaker 1: It's sort of like there are some people who are
Speaker 1: really good at texting and staying as touch and face timing,
Speaker 1: and then there are people who that doesn't quite work
Speaker 1: for them, or you know, it feels you know, I
Speaker 1: don't know, and I think that's you know, but you
Speaker 1: also should try and work on that, I think as
Speaker 1: something that is The other thing is sort of being like, Okay,
Speaker 1: well I didn't talk to people for an extended period
Speaker 1: of time. That's now I'm feeling cramp about that. So
Speaker 1: next time when this if you know there's a lockdown again,
Speaker 1: or you go in an overseas holiday, you start a
Speaker 1: new job or move you. Yeah, that's something to kind
Speaker 1: of push a little bit more. And I would say
Speaker 1: that this time during lockdown, I've made you so much. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I think you sort of you go through it
Speaker 1: once and you're like, oh, well, you know I could
Speaker 1: have done x Y zed better and you're like, you know, no, Therese,
Speaker 1: these really are people. There are friends that I didn't
Speaker 1: stay in touch with in Lockdown who I really do
Speaker 1: want to stay in touch with and just reach out
Speaker 1: just be like yeah, yeah, and if they're good friends,
Speaker 1: aren't understand right. Yeah. And also I think that people
Speaker 1: are going through their own ship yeah during lockdown and lockdown,
Speaker 1: Like I lost my granddad during lockdown and like had
Speaker 1: other things happen. It was like, it's not a reflection
Speaker 1: on the people I didn't keep in touch with. It's
Speaker 1: more of like I'm just overwhelmed. Yeah, and it's like
Speaker 1: I just can't do the same, Like I don't have
Speaker 1: as much space and places to go to recharge. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But mag you did do a much better job. I
Speaker 1: remember when first Lockdown you hermitted hard. Yeah. Yeah, she
Speaker 1: really took the order very seriously in and then this lockdown,
Speaker 1: you were like really good about him. Yeah. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think it's sort of being like, okay, well calling people
Speaker 1: feels a little bit weird for me, so I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: well this time I could go and walk so people.
Speaker 1: Yeah I could. We did FaceTime. Yeah yeah, so like
Speaker 1: do like you know that sort of thing. I found
Speaker 1: a lot more fun. So I think it's sort of yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a learning experience. Yeah, it's kind of cringe. But yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: we got another question here. It's actually actually a statement.
Speaker 1: There's no question involved. My boyfriend likes rock climbing more
Speaker 1: than me. That's it. Um, yeah, that's it. I think.
Speaker 1: I think, honey, you've got to be the paper. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it feels feeling very advice sage. You got to be
Speaker 1: the paper that beats the rocks. I think you got
Speaker 1: to you gotta step it up. Oh I gotta know
Speaker 1: who wrote this job? Is it bad? It's fine? Places
Speaker 1: this paper rock with him, and if you get paper,
Speaker 1: he has to stopped going rock Yeah, climb like you
Speaker 1: know what. Also, it's good that your boyfriend has a hobby. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's good that he has a hobby and that it's exercise. True, true,
Speaker 1: because I play games as a hobby. Yeah, play video games.
Speaker 1: And then we see you and it's like I'm like,
Speaker 1: have you been crying? And You're like, no, I've just
Speaker 1: been playing video It could it could be worse hobby. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I also think men are really bad and just
Speaker 1: this is a broad generalization. Young men are really bad
Speaker 1: at like building healthy routines and healthy lifestyles and being like, okay,
Speaker 1: well when I sit and play video games for eight
Speaker 1: hours straight, that makes me feel kind of gross and
Speaker 1: like I never never feel good. You don't. You're quite
Speaker 1: good with like going to the gym and stuff like that,
Speaker 1: and it's about your friends. Yeah, yeah, doing a theater
Speaker 1: and like you know, it's going to work and having
Speaker 1: like a routine that gives you lots of space to
Speaker 1: grow and do other names and keep stimulated and you know.
Speaker 1: And so I feel like a hobby is good. Um yeah,
Speaker 1: but if he likes rock climbing more than he likes you, yeah,
Speaker 1: relationships grow over time. Yeah, maybe go rock climbing with him,
Speaker 1: or at least just hang out with him at the rocks. Yeah.
Speaker 1: They I mean, you know who it is. Do they
Speaker 1: go rock climbing together? I can't divulge personal information about Okay,
Speaker 1: but they don't, so okay, but I feel like maybe
Speaker 1: also it's okay if you have two separate if you
Speaker 1: have separate, lie, that's really good. Yeah, true, it's actually yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: because you can use that as space to be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: well I'm going to go and climb rocks and things
Speaker 1: and think about my feeling. Yeah yeah, and just decompress
Speaker 1: um and then yeah, spend quality time together. Also, rocks
Speaker 1: don't have a pulse. Yeah, that's that's important. That's a
Speaker 1: yeah rocks. Rocks don't have a pulse. Rocks don't have
Speaker 1: a pulse. You have a pulse. You have writ that
Speaker 1: on your wall, Yeah, rocks, So there's your affirmation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: rocks don't have a pulse. I have a pulse. So
Speaker 1: this is super niche. But it also makes gifting really
Speaker 1: easy because oh yeah the rock Yeah five this fuckers.
Speaker 1: There's so much stuff to get around rocky little gloves
Speaker 1: and things. Yeah, yeah, ropes, I love I love the
Speaker 1: little pouches with chalk. Yeah, obviously I will face gloves,
Speaker 1: little shoes, shoes. It's great gifting. Yeah, protein bars when
Speaker 1: the yeah after after after the rock Rock yeah, or
Speaker 1: mid rock. Um, there's so much to unpacky and I'm
Speaker 1: glad we have rock Jack. You're moving through these questions.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know. I just like, what was
Speaker 1: that conclusion that is? Well, I start started with be
Speaker 1: the paper to the rock, but what are we ending on? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I feel like as long as he's not like sleeping
Speaker 1: on the rocks or like pund yeah, that would be
Speaker 1: bad for I mean, you know who wrote is it
Speaker 1: a genuine concern? I think it is, Okay, okay, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: I think it's simich Okay. Well, yeah, as long as
Speaker 1: he's not falling around with the rocks, I think I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think boundaries around the rocks about how much he
Speaker 1: can go rock climbing, yeah, and how much yeah, how
Speaker 1: much he should be climbing you instead? Yeah yeah, well yeah,
Speaker 1: because you don't want to get into a stage where
Speaker 1: he's one of those people that are sleeping with the
Speaker 1: rocks where they pitch alex Aude. Yeah oh that okay,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry much. And that's just dangerous. It's danger scary
Speaker 1: for you when he's doing that. Also, if you think
Speaker 1: that he likes rocks more than he likes you, you
Speaker 1: should watch that documentary with that Alex Holland guy where
Speaker 1: he like, he like has this beautiful girlfriend. He's like,
Speaker 1: I love you. I want to start a family with you.
Speaker 1: And he's like, I want to summit the one of
Speaker 1: the tallest mountains in the world without using a harness. Sorry, baby,
Speaker 1: if I die, Yeah, and he does it. See that's
Speaker 1: a bit much, right, Yeah, don't want a different story. Don'
Speaker 1: want to get to that point where yeah, he's one
Speaker 1: of those rock people. Yeah, just sound like a get
Speaker 1: those little rock things and frozen you know. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's cute. That's what your babies will look like, those
Speaker 1: little rock things. No, I don't like Yeah, and sorry,
Speaker 1: sorry for calling you honey at the start. I wasn't
Speaker 1: trying to be patronizing. I just felt very sage. Yeah, King, thanks, thanks, King, Thanks.
Speaker 1: I got called king ironically. Un ironically the other day
Speaker 1: it was quite funny. Yah, just someone. Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: my favorite thing to be doing. I was telling one
Speaker 1: of my friends this the other day. My favorite thing
Speaker 1: is to go on like Instagram lives of like guys
Speaker 1: doing like who are like DJs and be like we
Speaker 1: love a short king. Yeah, yeah, I saw it on
Speaker 1: ticked off and I started doing it. Ye, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: Superstar is Superstar or muscles is a classic when you
Speaker 1: got from from like from like your uncle's when you
Speaker 1: when you were playing rugby stuff, hanging rugby muscles. I
Speaker 1: wish that was my experience with us. Yeah, don't worry, muscles,
Speaker 1: you still got it. Okay, So our next question, it's
Speaker 1: a really big one. Let's to unpack here. Um sorry
Speaker 1: this anonymous um question asking human said, my girlfriend and
Speaker 1: I broke up, but I miss her mom. Pretty sure
Speaker 1: mom misses me too. Yeah, what do I assume that?
Speaker 1: I think? I think the starting point I'm going to
Speaker 1: recommend a song called Stacy's Mom. Yeah, yeah, I think
Speaker 1: it might be it might be a good text to
Speaker 1: look at. Yeah, good, good. There's some homework for you,
Speaker 1: some reading, Yeah yeah. Or if you can't rebuild connections
Speaker 1: with her mom and like say it, you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know that, that's fine. I would suggest setting your
Speaker 1: age range higher on tender. Yeah. I think you'll meet
Speaker 1: plenty of you. Oh, you have a lot of mummy
Speaker 1: figures to replace the old one. I also think that,
Speaker 1: like you know, the girlfriend gets the mom and the breakup. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't get clear. Yeah, yeah, so mom, Yeah it
Speaker 1: is at the end of the day, she did love
Speaker 1: you as much as she loved her daughter. So yeah,
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, it is it is
Speaker 1: her mum and that's that's finale. But if you need
Speaker 1: the mouth energy, yeah, just because there's plenty of mums
Speaker 1: out there. There's plenty of mum's out there that you know, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that have daughters that you didn't go out with, or
Speaker 1: have sons you can go out with. Yeah, and I
Speaker 1: think channel that hone into that. Yeah, you don't need
Speaker 1: to stop projecting, babe. Yeah, you need to chill. Also,
Speaker 1: does her mum miss you? Probably not, so maybe you
Speaker 1: need to do I think, yeah, yeah, Well you can
Speaker 1: just find a new girlfriend who mothers you. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: a hot tip. That's true. That's true. Yeah, find find
Speaker 1: a girlfriend with mother. But I'm such a mother e
Speaker 1: girlfriend too. Yeah. I was going to say, we can't talk,
Speaker 1: we can't say ship the queen my mother, even the
Speaker 1: guys I'm not in a relationship with. It's ridiculous. I'm
Speaker 1: teaching someone how to fucking drive right now. What was
Speaker 1: more mummy energy than that? That's very mummy energy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that exceeds my mum. Yeah, I've never been that fatherlym
Speaker 1: when you called the question ask a honey before, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was that was your peak fatherly. I've been told
Speaker 1: be a good dad. You would be such a good dad.
Speaker 1: I love to be a dad. Oh you would be
Speaker 1: so much fun. Yeah, kids be there like not their dad,
Speaker 1: but like god. Okay, okay god father. For any pod
Speaker 1: listeners who are looking who we're missing their ex's dad,
Speaker 1: you have feel free to give advice or play Lego.
Speaker 1: I love with the kids. I just love playing with
Speaker 1: my little cousins and the kids there so fun to
Speaker 1: hang out with. And I wanted keen to do all
Speaker 1: the kid things that I did when I was a kid.
Speaker 1: When Ye, that's the only reason you when I yeah,
Speaker 1: introducing them to all this cool stuff like Star Wars. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know you're going to say star Yeah, Lego and
Speaker 1: like Batman video game, the Marble movies. I'm so kane.
Speaker 1: That would be really fun. Meg do you want little leggies? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Sont meg lingsglings loved tiny running down like a leaden
Speaker 1: leg like shrunk. That's the most terrifying thing ever. Well like,
Speaker 1: but I was like a kind of cute kid. I
Speaker 1: feel like, oh my god, you're so over the face
Speaker 1: with Yeah, so the computer pictures the funniest one. You guys,
Speaker 1: I'm working every day, I'm depressed. Was like it's like
Speaker 1: every day we're hustling, or like it's about staying hungry.
Speaker 1: That was Nag when she was a kid, And oh
Speaker 1: my god, what was like me organized saying an entire
Speaker 1: like performs with tickets for me to sing I'm a
Speaker 1: Barbie girl, Like children, did you did you do this?
Speaker 1: Because I did, like did you do little plays performances? Yeah?
Speaker 1: But I took it to the next level, like I
Speaker 1: left my prep classroom and invited the whole school. I
Speaker 1: made tickets and invited the whole school to my performance
Speaker 1: about a Barbie Girl. And then like two classrooms full
Speaker 1: of kids, and my prep teacher was like, why are
Speaker 1: all these people here? And I commissioned my entire class,
Speaker 1: and they made all of the guys that I hated
Speaker 1: in my class dress up as photographers pretend to be
Speaker 1: like my paparazzi came to pick me up from prep,
Speaker 1: and I think my teacher was like, you have raised
Speaker 1: a psychopo like this child psychic talent. Talent was questionable organizations,
Speaker 1: and they have carried you here. Yeah, continue to use
Speaker 1: those in your daily life now, yeah, because I feel
Speaker 1: like you would have done the same and maybe even
Speaker 1: knew Jema. But I was having a conversation with my
Speaker 1: mum this week when I was in Sydney about when
Speaker 1: I used to put on little performances when I was
Speaker 1: like magic shows and I used to do a little
Speaker 1: like act out little scenes from like like movies. I like, yeah,
Speaker 1: did you do that? Yeah? So I would commission performances
Speaker 1: with my brother as well. Yeah, and love commission Yeah,
Speaker 1: I did him. I would organized out him. I think
Speaker 1: my parents were probably sick of them, they were having
Speaker 1: so frequently. But my dad also would record like songs
Speaker 1: and I singing with all his like sound recording. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so we have Hayden and I are singing love Shack
Speaker 1: like you know, like five something student like that. It's
Speaker 1: so funny because we do all of the parts, it's
Speaker 1: like and it's on a full like recording. Baby. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my favorite is that coming out with twenty first. I
Speaker 1: would be surprised if you didn't. If she's listening with
Speaker 1: mum and dad, do you know give us the goods.
Speaker 1: I want to see the love shack ten minutes in
Speaker 1: the bolts. Yeah, you don't get it, Taylor. Sorry to
Speaker 1: exclude you again. That's all right. I used to do
Speaker 1: your Well. There's photo of me doing a fake wedding
Speaker 1: where I married my dog. You know that that dog
Speaker 1: I have, toy dog I still have in my bed.
Speaker 1: Wasn't a real dog. No it was. It was a
Speaker 1: toy dog. It was not weird. Yeah, it still was
Speaker 1: a little bit weird. And I made my grandma. I
Speaker 1: made my grandma make me a full, like child sized
Speaker 1: wedding gown. Wow, I'm like a veil to a photo. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll show you. I'll find it for you. And then
Speaker 1: she also made my dog. Funnily enough, it was like
Speaker 1: a bit of a lesbian wedding with the dog because um,
Speaker 1: the dog was also wearing well maybe I shouldn't be presumptuous,
Speaker 1: but the dog was also wearing a dress and a veil.
Speaker 1: So there was two brides, one of us was a dog,
Speaker 1: in one of which was me. So technically I think
Speaker 1: very progressive, thank you, thank you. I was very progressive child.
Speaker 1: I was a very progressive child bride. I feel like
Speaker 1: we can forgive child Brian's if if it's like yeah,
Speaker 1: and marrying children, if it's like LGBTQ friends, that was
Speaker 1: such an yeah. Yeah, that's a good moment. It really
Speaker 1: was a good moment. I've been an ally since day dot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna put it everyone from Prime Minister and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna need to get like some brownie points that yeah,
Speaker 1: hic policy. Yeah, go to the parades, even bring your
Speaker 1: bring my lover. Yeah, Napoleon the Dog. I feel like
Speaker 1: it's very parks in Reck, like, oh my god, the Penguin.
Speaker 1: I forgot about that episode the Penguins. Yeah, yeah, and
Speaker 1: cause that was quite funny course of st Yeah with that,
Speaker 1: what's that the uptight lady who's married. I'm such a
Speaker 1: Leslie note. I oh you so are like yeah, yeah
Speaker 1: with with with better social skills, we hope. Do you
Speaker 1: think I'm Anne Perkins or I'm my Tammy? You're in, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're in. I don't think I'm an I think and
Speaker 1: it is a little bit not Tammy. No one's yeah,
Speaker 1: no one's as fad as everyone's a little bit. Maybe
Speaker 1: I'm Diane, Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think you're like I'm
Speaker 1: sorry I'm going to say, like a huge smart Andy energy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're totally I like that though. He's got really nice Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can see that, maybe a bit of Chris and
Speaker 1: He's and he's lovely. Be happy for that. It'd be
Speaker 1: a really good Andy. And and he wants to be
Speaker 1: a dad like you. True and Andy's child at heart
Speaker 1: like you. Yeah, that's so sad. Track Oh did Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: it's all about the So we do one final question? Yeah,
Speaker 1: well we have one final question. Okay, we don't have
Speaker 1: one final question about this one. So I've been sleeping
Speaker 1: with this girl for a couple of months doing that? Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course not. We're not doing that, so Jack, I
Speaker 1: don't want to answer that question. Well we can. I'm
Speaker 1: not doing that, Okay, so you can. Sorry that sounded
Speaker 1: very aggressive. I didn't mean to be s aggressive. First five. Yeah,
Speaker 1: in your expert opinion, should we stay friends with our exes? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I think so. Um, Actually it really depends
Speaker 1: on the nature of the relationship, like yeah, yeah, it
Speaker 1: like like I think that that is almost the condition
Speaker 1: of if you can be friends or not you're friends
Speaker 1: with your one of your exes. I'm yeah, I've got
Speaker 1: a spectrum. I'm friends with one of my exes, I
Speaker 1: am on good terms with another, and then I don't
Speaker 1: speak to one of my other exes. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: fill the banks. Huh does that make sense? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it does make sense. Yeah. Yeah, what about you, I've
Speaker 1: I've got a two extreme spectrum. I've got to never
Speaker 1: look at me. If you come within five feet of me,
Speaker 1: might try and throw you off something large. I've got
Speaker 1: another extreme of like we get along fine and yea, yeah,
Speaker 1: would be happy to hang out like I yeah, have
Speaker 1: no issues like good pals. Yeah, no beef because because
Speaker 1: I think I think like fundamentally and it's something I like.
Speaker 1: I remember getting coffee with my most recent X after
Speaker 1: we broke up and be like, oh wow, like I
Speaker 1: really I missed her company a lot. We really go
Speaker 1: along well. And I think the reason why xs can
Speaker 1: be friends is because there's such a good baseline friendship
Speaker 1: there and banta that note like you'll definitely get along
Speaker 1: with them. Um, it's just like if it was a
Speaker 1: shit relationship yeah yeah, and or it was about anything,
Speaker 1: or if you still have feelings for them, yeah, then
Speaker 1: you cannot be friends with them. I have this I'm
Speaker 1: either like I until my most an X, I was like,
Speaker 1: when I finished something with someone I was seeing, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I do not speak to me anymore. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: like you. I don't want any part of you in
Speaker 1: my life. In some ways, I do a bit of
Speaker 1: back and forth. But that sucks. But I actually think
Speaker 1: that that's a really good baseline to have, right because
Speaker 1: I think if you're two naive about it and you're like,
Speaker 1: I mean to be friends with everyone who I've broken
Speaker 1: up with, it's like, okay, well, yeah, maybe really re
Speaker 1: evaluate that. Yeah. Yeah. It's also like the nature of
Speaker 1: the relationship doesn't have to like, at least in my case,
Speaker 1: doesn't impact whether or not I'm friends with them. I think,
Speaker 1: like the worst breakup I had, like I'm still friends
Speaker 1: with that person out of the three relationships I've had. Yeah. Interesting, Yeah,
Speaker 1: which which is nice. I'm still I would say I
Speaker 1: went through a period with my most recent accent, like
Speaker 1: I don't feel we're talking about this because we've talked
Speaker 1: about it, where I was like, went through this period
Speaker 1: of being like I really do not like you. I
Speaker 1: like you are a terrible person, don't speak to me anymore.
Speaker 1: But then when the time passes, you're like, oh, actually,
Speaker 1: like we all make mistakes, and you can become very
Speaker 1: good friends with them, but you have to be careful.
Speaker 1: You have to care for with it because you don't
Speaker 1: want to become reliant on them promotional support again, the
Speaker 1: way that you would have if you were an elationship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they are just another friend. Like, I think it also
Speaker 1: matters the position that you were in prior to the relationship,
Speaker 1: because I think the trap that a lot of people
Speaker 1: fall into is they were really good friends before they
Speaker 1: started dating. Then they started dating, and there was a
Speaker 1: whole thing when they started dating about oh, they didn't
Speaker 1: want to lose their friendship, et cetera, et cetera. And
Speaker 1: then they break up and they try and revert to
Speaker 1: that immediately and it always goes badly, and it happens
Speaker 1: to so many people. I don't Yeah, yeah, it's also
Speaker 1: like I totally get why, but also that's such a factor.
Speaker 1: And then I think the other key thing is time, right,
Speaker 1: yea time. Time's definitely the biggest one. Yeah, you're not
Speaker 1: going to be besties the next day, and if you're
Speaker 1: trying to be Yeah, there was a two year out
Speaker 1: between when I last spoke to one of my exes
Speaker 1: and the friends yeah, wow, actually yeah, and it's like yeah,
Speaker 1: and she just popped up and was like, want to
Speaker 1: want to grab coffee? Yeah. I think that is actually
Speaker 1: makes an excellent point. You need to have had enough
Speaker 1: time to like with Jack and his lady old lady friends,
Speaker 1: not old lady friends, no mummy mummy connecting with that
Speaker 1: last question, yeah really, but like you need you need
Speaker 1: have had enough time to have been able to settle
Speaker 1: your resentments and to also have let feelings lessened. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because if you still have feelings for them, you're going
Speaker 1: to want from them what you wanted from them when
Speaker 1: you were in a relationship. Yeah, and it's not going
Speaker 1: to work. But then I do think in the long
Speaker 1: time you can be friends of the exodes. I totally
Speaker 1: see myself being friends with my ex now, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: because we were such good friends when we were dating
Speaker 1: and now that things have been fixed, yeah, we can
Speaker 1: just move. I don't know, maybe I'm saying this and
Speaker 1: this is like in three months, we'll be listening back.
Speaker 1: But it depends. It just depends if you want to
Speaker 1: have a friendship with them. Yeah, Yeah, don't have to yeah,
Speaker 1: the other things. If you can't be if you can't
Speaker 1: be freaked and you have too many friends already, don't
Speaker 1: do it. Yeah, because my whole thing is like I
Speaker 1: don't like the feeling of being like I had this
Speaker 1: friendship with this person, I had this like you, we
Speaker 1: really got along, and then now we're on ey terms.
Speaker 1: Like that doesn't sit well with me. But I think
Speaker 1: I could definitely do the whole like we're not in
Speaker 1: bad terms, were not in good terms. We just exist.
Speaker 1: I think it's just for me, the ikeyness. I just
Speaker 1: I don't think I could cope with, Like I feel
Speaker 1: like I'd have to sort of feel like things were
Speaker 1: at least really old. Yeah, I think right. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm a big fan of the block. Your block Yeah,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, You're block really doesn't unfollowed, So yeah, I
Speaker 1: like the unfollowed too. Yeah. Yeah, I just anyone I've
Speaker 1: been in a romantic relationship or anything with, I'm always like,
Speaker 1: I just cannot interact with you for at least a while,
Speaker 1: But then with time, time heals everything, and then you
Speaker 1: can be the same way as them, and then it's
Speaker 1: fun to stop them on social media. Yeah, yeah, they've
Speaker 1: got Yeah, Yeah, all the people i've previously like dated
Speaker 1: or like to have all gotten really ugly. Yeah. See
Speaker 1: sorry if you're listening, but it's true. Yeah. Well I
Speaker 1: think it's also just the thing if you're not attracted
Speaker 1: to them anymore. Well that's troubly, isn't it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: they probably point out the obvious also, and that was
Speaker 1: a joke, like they haven't all gotten they're still very
Speaker 1: nice people. So yeah, anyhow, we did some great We
Speaker 1: covered some ground. We covered some ground really and also
Speaker 1: aren't we like three really wise people? Yeah, quite cool.
Speaker 1: Three wise mice, three wise mice, ye wise three blind
Speaker 1: mine Yeah, three wise mice is cooler. We had a cheeseboard,
Speaker 1: it would be yeah wise mice. We had the fattest
Speaker 1: feed before this though, So we did yeah tofu out
Speaker 1: of ten eleven. Wow, it's pretty good. I had some mixed.
Speaker 1: It was really nice. I think I had half of it.
Speaker 1: Thank you much, Bread anyhow, thanks for joining us. Yeah,
Speaker 1: thanks thanks for stopping in and asking questions. Yeah, how
Speaker 1: was your first podcast experience? I really I really enjoyed it.
Speaker 1: I definitely couldn't do this by myself like I would
Speaker 1: be It's a lot harder about yourself. Yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: could drink the chats. Yeah, well, me too. This was
Speaker 1: really intrigued Jackson. Now he's good, his master's he's done
Speaker 1: a Yeah, because the first one I went on, I
Speaker 1: was pretty nervous. But yeah, I think having appear in
Speaker 1: person was a lot better because we did it over
Speaker 1: the phone the first time. Yeah, you did really good though.
Speaker 1: It got really good feedback. Oh yeah, you were. You
Speaker 1: guys were really good to listen to. Yeah, And I
Speaker 1: think it was because I knew so many of the
Speaker 1: stories as well that like or like i'd heard of
Speaker 1: them and like hearing you guys interact and talk about
Speaker 1: them was really sweet. Well, now maybe you got to
Speaker 1: make your debut. And I hope if you sent him
Speaker 1: a question. There was like maybe three or four that
Speaker 1: we didn't answer because they were just like a bit
Speaker 1: miss or not really questions. But if you did send
Speaker 1: it a question, I hope we answered it. Well. I
Speaker 1: hope we didn't offend you. I hope that you got
Speaker 1: some solid advice. Yeah. And also to I just want
Speaker 1: to do a quick shout out to the person who's
Speaker 1: in a situation ship. Yeah, yeah, true, true Europe. I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's a girl or a guy. But
Speaker 1: I think that I think that's important to mention though, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because like I'm feeling for you right now. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: you deserve a lot. Yeah yeah to all those people,
Speaker 1: you all deserve a lot. Rock climb yeah yeah yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It was a girl, boy, it was a girl. Lonely,
Speaker 1: lonely person. Oh that was Thanks again for listening. Don't
Speaker 1: forget to subscribe wherever you subscribe to this podcast, wherever
Speaker 1: you get your podcasts. Meg, where can we get this podcast? Spotify,
Speaker 1: couple of music Spotify that that was really beautiful. Um,
Speaker 1: and follow us on Instagram as well. It's twenty twenties
Speaker 1: Psycho twenties podcast. I don't even know my own Instagram handle.
Speaker 1: And um. Thanks for listening, and thanks to Jack and
Speaker 1: Meg again for joining us. And we'll see you yeah,
Speaker 1: see you guys next week. Bye,