Speaker 1: Two hopeless theaters, one dating app then dares you, guys,
Speaker 1: swipe right.
Speaker 2: The question is.
Speaker 1: Whose love life is more tragic.
Speaker 2: It's Battle of the Tinder Dates.
Speaker 3: It's the dating game show that strongly encouraged a Laddin
Speaker 3: to Scotch guard that magic carpet, but he didn't listen.
Speaker 2: It's Battle the.
Speaker 3: Tender Dates, where two of our listeners go head to
Speaker 3: head to find out whose dating life is the most tragic.
Speaker 3: We'll explain the rules in just a second, but first
Speaker 3: let's meet today's contestants. In this corner, his seductive party
Speaker 3: trick is d shelling an entire lobster inside of his mouth.
Speaker 3: WHOA yeah, that's why the ladies call him seafood trio Leo.
Speaker 2: What the guard there?
Speaker 1: I don't know, but hope nobody's allergic to shellfish.
Speaker 3: And in the other corner, he swears he has a
Speaker 3: sick motorcycle parked just outside. It's just invisible right now.
Speaker 3: Meet Harley, Charlie.
Speaker 1: Hey, Hey, how's you going?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Hey, you need to wear a helmet on that bike.
Speaker 1: Charlie, No helmet needed.
Speaker 3: The game works. One contestant is gonna start by telling
Speaker 3: one of their worst dating stories. Then the other will
Speaker 3: try and counter with the nightmare story of their own.
Speaker 3: We're going back and forth for three rounds till we
Speaker 3: declare a winner. We're gonna start things off with you
Speaker 3: seafood trio Leo.
Speaker 2: Let's go all right. So I was hooking up with
Speaker 2: this chick. We're making out when she stopped. She told
Speaker 2: me that she saw a bald spot on the back
Speaker 2: of my head.
Speaker 3: Oh oh, how could she see the back of your
Speaker 3: head when you're making out?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Felt it?
Speaker 3: Then, I don't know, some weird stuff.
Speaker 2: Man, go on. She said that meant that i'd be
Speaker 2: bald by thirty, and she doesn't date bald guys. So
Speaker 2: she left.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, my friend, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: I don't old guys.
Speaker 3: And one day you're gonna be seventy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know if it was maybe just an
Speaker 2: excuse to leave, but ever since I've been buying special
Speaker 2: hair product. Okay, that's all right. She gave you a complex,
Speaker 2: but you know you may have sicker hair because of it.
Speaker 3: Charlie, can you count her?
Speaker 1: So we were at the movies right for our first date.
Speaker 1: Eightything going smooth. How phone accidentity went off? Yeah, the
Speaker 1: screen lights up and I can see my tender profile
Speaker 1: like her wallpaper on her phone.
Speaker 3: Your picture.
Speaker 1: Yeah, first date though, let's keep in mind maybe she
Speaker 1: just needs it as a reminder what your name is?
Speaker 2: Quick?
Speaker 1: That was super ugly?
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, round two, Leo, Time to hit back.
Speaker 2: I met this smoking hot lady who's a spinning instructor,
Speaker 2: and you know spin in structors are always smoke shows.
Speaker 2: And she invites me to her class. So I show
Speaker 2: up as she puts me in the front row, which
Speaker 2: is intimidating enough as yeah. And then five minutes in
Speaker 2: she comes over and sets my bike on the highest
Speaker 2: resistance and tells me if she sees me turn it down,
Speaker 2: it's over between her man challenge.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, at what point in the class did
Speaker 1: you just pass out?
Speaker 2: I'm just standing up, trying to grind on this thing,
Speaker 2: and I point at the door to distractor and turn
Speaker 2: it down, and she caught me.
Speaker 1: You're two weaks for her.
Speaker 2: She called me out in front of everyone over the
Speaker 2: microphone and told me to get out.
Speaker 3: Why does everybody you date like come after you, Charlie.
Speaker 2: We're you got to step it up, man, all right?
Speaker 1: So I was dropping this girl off after the day right,
Speaker 1: everything was smooth. I'm leaving to go home. She calls
Speaker 1: me and she asked me to come inside. She says,
Speaker 1: you know, she's scared to be alone. So I'm like cool,
Speaker 1: I'm feeling like, you know, this is my chance, Belly,
Speaker 1: I know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2: And on her part, huh.
Speaker 1: I go back inside. When I get there, he is
Speaker 1: a man. Did whoa what? Wait, like her roommate or something.
Speaker 1: Please tell me. No. She sneaks and tells me he
Speaker 1: didn't know he was in there. It was her boyfriend.
Speaker 1: He got back home early from his trip. Oh what a.
Speaker 3: Jirk coming back home early.
Speaker 2: I hate that guy.
Speaker 3: Get to your third and final round. We need you
Speaker 3: to really throw down here, gentlemen.
Speaker 1: So seafood Trio Leo, what do you got?
Speaker 2: My tender day invited me to go furniture testing testing.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking she.
Speaker 2: Wants to check couches out or something.
Speaker 1: You know, Okay, yeah, you got to stand on them
Speaker 1: before you buy it.
Speaker 2: You just never know, maybe a little love seat or something.
Speaker 2: But no, no, no, no. We get to the store and
Speaker 2: I found out she meant baby furniture testing because she's
Speaker 2: eight months pregnant.
Speaker 3: Oh, amazing that she has the energy for me for that.
Speaker 1: But yeah, she's like, I'm so glad you hear my
Speaker 1: back hurt.
Speaker 2: It gets worse, it gets way worse. She's looking for
Speaker 2: a crib and asked if I could crawl into one
Speaker 2: to let her know if the baby would be comfortable.
Speaker 2: How big of a baby is she planning on having?
Speaker 1: Or how.
Speaker 3: Can't ride a bike small to act like a baby.
Speaker 2: Harley Jarl chance by a.
Speaker 1: Right, we was in that one of those outdoor restaurants,
Speaker 1: you know you sit outside and just relax. It was
Speaker 1: a beautiful day I'm talking about. It was just perfect.
Speaker 1: She was beautiful, the date was cool, everything was small.
Speaker 1: Ran a bird pooped on my date's head.
Speaker 3: Sounding good luck though, yeah, it's people just say that
Speaker 3: to make you feel better.
Speaker 2: What she do.
Speaker 1: So she seemed upset at first, right, and I told her,
Speaker 1: you know, like we could just we could just leave,
Speaker 1: you know, and just end it off. But she told
Speaker 1: me that her therapist encouraged her to start to face adversity,
Speaker 1: you know, be tough and deal with things. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: So we sat there for another half hour. She tried
Speaker 1: to eat, but she was crying, not coming at eight
Speaker 1: with the bird poop still on the hay.
Speaker 2: She didn't clean it all all right.
Speaker 1: That final means the match is over.
Speaker 2: This was an intense one.
Speaker 3: Judges, we gotta score at Alexis.
Speaker 2: I gotta go Leo for crawling into Baby Crab.
Speaker 1: We got one for Leo.
Speaker 2: Brooke, I mean bird poop girl. I feel bad for her,
Speaker 2: but it's definitely Leo.
Speaker 3: Congratulations Seapoo Trio. Leo dating is messier than a cafeteria
Speaker 3: on Sloppy Joe Day. You want, I think he's crying
Speaker 3: just being nice to me.
Speaker 2: Bullied once again. That was Battle of the tender dates.
Speaker 3: We got your phone tap coming up right after
Speaker 1: This, brooking Jeffrey in the morning.