Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and what could be
Speaker 1: stuff I never told you protection, iHeart radio.
Speaker 2: And welcome.
Speaker 3: We're doing another Monday Money and we were visiting something
Speaker 3: we just talked about on your Happy Hour. But we're
Speaker 3: not exactly talking about that, because we were talking about
Speaker 3: why do conservative women really like Mama and Mia? But
Speaker 3: I'm also talking about the reaction of what is it
Speaker 3: about watching embarrassing things with people? I can't do it?
Speaker 3: It feels so painful. And my experience with watching mam
Speaker 3: and Mia next to my very conservative older brother and
Speaker 3: my very conservative mother was painful. Hey, does it kind
Speaker 3: of kind of had this moment of like, I know
Speaker 3: we've all talked about it. There's a classic episode on
Speaker 3: Scrubs where the main character is watching Basic Instinct with
Speaker 3: his grandmother, Yeah, and him like balled up in the corner,
Speaker 3: dying inside.
Speaker 2: And I think we've all had that moment.
Speaker 3: I feel like that's just like a regular trope that
Speaker 3: happens on especially like coming of age things. But as
Speaker 3: an adult, I still have this moment.
Speaker 4: Oh, yeah, you do.
Speaker 1: I mean I have it too, but not to the
Speaker 1: extent you do you Like we've heard you in like
Speaker 1: sex and the city episodes be like the normally fast
Speaker 1: forward through this part, You've got all these like beats
Speaker 1: you won't want.
Speaker 4: Well, it's true.
Speaker 3: I just literally like so, I again, I really love
Speaker 3: k dramas right now, and it's probably in the most
Speaker 3: tame of all of the other things that I've ever watched.
Speaker 2: Because again we talked.
Speaker 3: About Bridgerton and all that, but for some reason, these things,
Speaker 3: these linking looking kissing scenes when my partner walks in,
Speaker 3: I shrivel and die inside a little bit, like there's
Speaker 3: a little bit of shame. I'm like, please don't watch
Speaker 3: this with me. And it's not because necessarily like it's
Speaker 3: a bad scene or like.
Speaker 2: I'm just I don't know. There's this level of me
Speaker 2: like bye, why And again.
Speaker 3: The mom of me experience having and my mom the
Speaker 3: first thing she said, because I was like, why are
Speaker 3: high schoolers doing this play? And she said to me
Speaker 3: like they they tamed it down a lot, because I've
Speaker 3: never seen the original. I care nothing about Abba. No,
Speaker 3: I do not care. Don't care about the newer musicals.
Speaker 3: I'm one less fan of the old school musicals where
Speaker 3: it's supposed to be cheesy. I'm cool with, but like
Speaker 3: this was one of the newer musicals, right. Having to
Speaker 3: sit there while my niece is cracking a joke about
Speaker 3: having slept with three different men and not knowing who
Speaker 3: the baby daddy is.
Speaker 2: Was painful.
Speaker 3: I think at one point I looked over to my
Speaker 3: brother and he literally was gripping his thighs because he
Speaker 3: was down. And it may have been worse because it
Speaker 3: is our niece, and of course her love interest is
Speaker 3: actually her real boyfriend, which was even worse for us.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean that is definitely a whole added
Speaker 1: layer because then it's your you know, young family member
Speaker 1: having these conversations, and you want to support her, but
Speaker 1: you're also like, you know.
Speaker 3: Her, Yes, I know these kids, and I'm like, I
Speaker 3: don't want to ever see you kissing. Why am I
Speaker 3: seeing this under a spotlight? I'm thinking about it. I
Speaker 3: don't know, is it again? This may be like I
Speaker 3: can't do secondhand embarrassment. I would rather crawl under a
Speaker 3: blanket and stay there for days. It makes like talking
Speaker 3: about it makes my face turn red, like at this
Speaker 3: moment in time, I cannot handle. I think this is
Speaker 3: also why I have that lingering anxiety of like did
Speaker 3: I say something wrong, right, But it's attached to this emotion.
Speaker 3: And I don't know if do these films do this
Speaker 3: on purpose? Do these plays do this on purpose? Is
Speaker 3: it to be relatable or is it to cause you
Speaker 3: this much stress?
Speaker 4: I think both can be true.
Speaker 1: There's one episode of like The Office, for instance, where like, uh,
Speaker 1: Jim and Pam come over.
Speaker 4: To Jan's house.
Speaker 2: Michael.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's like the dinner party episode and it is
Speaker 1: the most one of the most awkward things.
Speaker 4: And that had to be intentional like.
Speaker 1: That, Yeah, absolutely, no way, they weren't trying to make
Speaker 1: you like squirm in your seat and feel that way.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I think there's a part of it that is,
Speaker 1: you know, you are connecting to both like the characters
Speaker 1: who feel this way, but also if you're watching it
Speaker 1: with somebody, then you're kind of sharing this, like such
Speaker 1: an awkward moment which we can all relate to. So
Speaker 1: I think there is there's kind of it's it can
Speaker 1: dovetail of both those things.
Speaker 3: Okay, So as as we're talking about it, I'm researching it.
Speaker 3: And it's called actually called a vicarious embarrassment, and it
Speaker 3: says when a person feels this embarrassment for another person
Speaker 3: who may be damaging their social integrity. They may feel shame, ashamed,
Speaker 3: to feel anxious, even like they need to fix it
Speaker 3: for another person. And it says it's a tendency for
Speaker 3: an empathetic person or people who are easily able to
Speaker 3: place themselves in the shoes of others.
Speaker 2: So I guess that would go along with it.
Speaker 3: But I I.
Speaker 2: Do want to fix it. I want that not to
Speaker 2: be a thing.
Speaker 3: I don't understand how you can face people again if
Speaker 3: you go through that level of embarrassment, or how you
Speaker 3: can never think about it again.
Speaker 1: I mean that's true, like the I like I can
Speaker 1: you can face people. It's it's amazing how quickly, how
Speaker 1: quickly all go from like my life is ruined to
Speaker 1: like three days later like e but I will think
Speaker 1: about it forever, like that part doesn't go away. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I've done some really embarrassing things, for sure, some really
Speaker 1: embarrassing things recently. But I've never done anything that I
Speaker 1: haven't been able to come back from. Because I do,
Speaker 1: it will be like you know, five am, and I'll yeah,
Speaker 1: there it is that thing I did in first.
Speaker 2: Grade, right, thinking about those things all the time. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So in this article, that I pulled up. It actually
Speaker 3: says it makes them from family trauma, different views on
Speaker 3: religion and politics, and different groups of apathy for social
Speaker 3: standing or pain from past family experiences, which I find
Speaker 3: funny because I'm like my mom did drill into me
Speaker 3: growing up. Do not embarrass me like that or do
Speaker 3: not shame me like it was right. My mother probably
Speaker 3: felt that heavily, and that if we did something, you know,
Speaker 3: we just recently did the episode on divorce, my mother
Speaker 3: felt that the hardest. I think my father was able
Speaker 3: to be like, you know what, I support my daughter.
Speaker 3: I don't love it, but this is what this is.
Speaker 3: And he had more empathy in the understanding of it.
Speaker 3: And my mother was empathetic and understanding and she supported
Speaker 3: her child. But the guilt and heaviness of her failing
Speaker 3: her family and this is her fault and this is
Speaker 3: shame on her was very obvious, very obvious in the
Speaker 3: way she would talked about how she went and talk
Speaker 3: to certain people, how they avoided her, and she knew
Speaker 3: it and like all of these things. So maybe it
Speaker 3: comes from my mother as well as my level of empathy.
Speaker 3: That does make more sense. But I hate it, I
Speaker 3: really I like just thinking about some of these situations
Speaker 3: makes me my heart.
Speaker 2: Like have Yeah, I can't even think about it because.
Speaker 3: It's so so overwhelming in that level, and like watching
Speaker 3: anything I can't watch. I think this is also why
Speaker 3: I don't love watching new things with people. I'm very
Speaker 3: anxious of that, which is I don't love going to movies.
Speaker 3: I think it's a waste of time, especially if I'm
Speaker 3: spending time with people outside of like people like you
Speaker 3: and people that I see every day, so we're already
Speaker 3: caught up. But if I haven't like Talkdeen forever and
Speaker 3: we go to a movie, that's odd first dates to me,
Speaker 3: that's odd, like if I'm trying to get to know
Speaker 3: you other than if you pick out a really bad
Speaker 3: movie and finding your sense of humor. Maybe mm hmmm,
Speaker 3: that is a thing I don't know, but yeah, I
Speaker 3: think maybe that's another part of like.
Speaker 2: I don't want any of this.
Speaker 3: In my life if I don't want to experience this
Speaker 3: with you, especially if I don't trust you. Even if
Speaker 3: I do trust you, I don't want to experience this
Speaker 3: with you.
Speaker 4: Mm hmm. I've seen you run away from a room.
Speaker 3: Before I have I run away from the room if
Speaker 3: it's shameful, I'm like, I know what's happening.
Speaker 2: I gotta go away.
Speaker 5: Or if it's too sad, yeah, I've seen that before.
Speaker 5: I was like, if this is gonna damage me, I
Speaker 5: gotta go. You're just taking care of yourself.
Speaker 3: It's good.
Speaker 4: I like the opposite. So once. I think I've told
Speaker 4: this story before because it was so oh my god.
Speaker 1: Most of the like minor fights I got in with
Speaker 1: my dad when I was a kid, was about the
Speaker 1: TV because we only had one.
Speaker 4: TV, so like fighting over like what are we going
Speaker 4: to watch?
Speaker 1: And I was really into the show Roswell, and I
Speaker 1: just like fought so hard to watch it. And I
Speaker 1: bet some of you have watched that show. You know
Speaker 1: exactly what episode I'm talking about. If it's called Sexual
Speaker 1: Healing and they basically Liz and Max had have sex
Speaker 1: so he wouldn't die. And like multiple times, by the way, yes, well.
Speaker 2: You've done this episode, and I'm shocked every time.
Speaker 1: Yes, And I was like a fourteen year old sitting
Speaker 1: on the couch my entire family in there, who had
Speaker 1: fought so hard to watch this episode instead like it's
Speaker 1: gonna be nothing bad, It's gonna happen in it, like, well,
Speaker 1: it'll be fine, my younger brother can watch it, and
Speaker 1: I was determined to not. I'd made zero comments. I
Speaker 1: didn't look around. I acted like this was totally normal.
Speaker 1: I will not be the first to admit this is
Speaker 1: incredibly awkward for.
Speaker 4: All of us.
Speaker 2: I have to crack jokes.
Speaker 4: That's my I mean, that probably would have been the
Speaker 4: better way to do it, but I don't know.
Speaker 3: I think that's not necessary because it makes usually makes
Speaker 3: it worse. I feel like, but yeah, my thing is
Speaker 3: like I'm gonna lie. Oh well, I wasn't expecting that
Speaker 3: You're welcome run away.
Speaker 2: That's the other other thing is to run away.
Speaker 1: Yes, I just say, I'm like a like a turtle,
Speaker 1: like no, yeah, I'm gonna stay here and we're going
Speaker 1: to watch this and I'm not going to say anything
Speaker 1: about it.
Speaker 3: I love that you're the stubborness that I will do this.
Speaker 3: That's where I would have turned it immediately. I will
Speaker 3: also do that if something comes awkward.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I forgot this part. Let's watch
Speaker 2: something else.
Speaker 5: You want you want?
Speaker 2: You want something to eat?
Speaker 1: To eat?
Speaker 2: That's my automatic response.
Speaker 3: God, I don't know, Like obviously, thinking about it now,
Speaker 3: the idea that this embarrassment and the level of empathy
Speaker 3: go hand in hand. But I really wish I could
Speaker 3: at least like the fact that I'm panicking as we're
Speaker 3: talking about the situation, because I'm picturing what has happened.
Speaker 2: Every time you talk about the sex of the citio,
Speaker 2: like I picture it, I'm like, oh my god. And
Speaker 2: because I don't like it.
Speaker 3: And though I have probably watched that scene the least,
Speaker 3: I hate it more like it's more it's more like
Speaker 3: prevalent and I know exactly what happens.
Speaker 1: That's funny because I'm finding through the hanging out with
Speaker 1: you and watching some stuff you like and of course
Speaker 1: do fan fiction. That's a big rom Colm Trope kind
Speaker 1: of surprised really, the like accidental it's not always like
Speaker 1: nudity involved, but the.
Speaker 3: Accidental high or like thinking that someone's interested. Yeah, I
Speaker 3: feel like that level of her confronting him. And if
Speaker 3: y'all know know what we're talking about, it was a
Speaker 3: recent episode which she thinks a dude is like trying
Speaker 3: to pick her up through the window, and it turns
Speaker 3: out he was trying to pick up someone else, like
Speaker 3: a floor below her. And she had the audacity to
Speaker 3: go talk to him after showing off a booby. That's
Speaker 3: what I hate the most only. Oh so, anyway, thanks
Speaker 3: for going down this road. I'm now currently sweaty talking about.
Speaker 4: You're welcome. I'm here for you.
Speaker 1: I was tempted to tell you some of my more
Speaker 1: embarrassing stories, but I think I'll space them out. Thank you.
Speaker 3: I want to know it because I like, at least
Speaker 3: I'm not watching it. If I'm watching it, it's even
Speaker 3: like that's where I fall apart. I think hearing about it,
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh.
Speaker 2: No no, but then watch it.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, oh yeah, it's all right.
Speaker 1: Okay, you take some deep breasts after this, yes, yes, well,
Speaker 1: thank you for sharing.
Speaker 4: If any listeners can relate, I bet you can. Please.
Speaker 1: You can email us at Steffie mol Stuff at iHeartMedia
Speaker 1: dot com. You can find us on Twitter at Momstep
Speaker 1: Podcast or Instagram and TikTok at Steffone.
Speaker 4: Never Told You.
Speaker 1: You can also find us on YouTube, and we have
Speaker 1: a book that you can pre order, a Stuff you
Speaker 1: Should Read book dot com. Thanks as always to our
Speaker 1: super producer Christina, our executive producer Maya, and our contributor Joey,
Speaker 1: thank you and thanks to you for listening.
Speaker 4: Stefan ever told you his prediction by Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: For more podcast from my Heart Radio, you can check
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