Speaker 1: Robert Pattinson is the worst vampire ever. He took fourteen
Speaker 1: years to turn into a bat. Unfortunately, Superman won't be
Speaker 1: able to fight Dracula this evening. He won't go near
Speaker 1: the crypt tonight. You do realize that vampires aren't real
Speaker 1: unless you count Dracula. I've just got a job making
Speaker 1: plastic Draculas. There are only two of us on the
Speaker 1: production line, so I have to make every second count.
Speaker 1: I had to end my friendship with Dracula. He was
Speaker 1: a pain in the neck. Why did Dracula lie in
Speaker 1: the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake. What do
Speaker 1: you call a blood sucking tax specialist? A count Dracula?
Speaker 1: What do vampires do when they are trying to fall asleep?
Speaker 1: Count Draculas? Dracula told me to bow in his prisons.
Speaker 1: You could say I was down for the count. There
Speaker 1: are relatively few films with Dracula in them. On the
Speaker 1: other hand, films without Dracula are countless. Dracula might have
Speaker 1: COVID he's been coughing in his sleep. Monsters aren't usually
Speaker 1: good at math, unless you count Dracula. Why did Dracula
Speaker 1: say when he got a visitor, I'm glad you're here.
Speaker 1: What's Dracula's favorite type of coffee? Decaffeinated? Why does Dracula
Speaker 1: prefer to work in secret and solitude? He tries to
Speaker 1: stay away from stakeholders. What do you call a vampire
Speaker 1: out on a date a neck romancer? Why are vampires
Speaker 1: bad at working out their issues because they have no
Speaker 1: self reflection? I really want to tell my joke about vampires,
Speaker 1: but it sucks. I was recently asked who my favorite
Speaker 1: vampire was. I replied, the count from Sesame Street. They
Speaker 1: told me he doesn't count. I replied, I assure you
Speaker 1: he does. I recently bought fifty one percent of a
Speaker 1: vampire hunting company. I'm the main stakeholder. What do vegans
Speaker 1: and vampires have in common? They both hate steaks. Since
Speaker 1: vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered
Speaker 1: why priests don't just say a prayer over every storm
Speaker 1: cloud kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why
Speaker 1: there are so many vampires from Europe. Someone already blessed
Speaker 1: the rains down in Africa. What do you call a
Speaker 1: vaping vampire vlad the inhaler. How do you kill a
Speaker 1: Southern vampire? You bless his heart. What do you call
Speaker 1: a vampire antelope? Vlad the Impala? Say what you will
Speaker 1: about Vlad the Impaler. The guy knew how to make
Speaker 1: a point. I'm Montgomery Jones, and that's the dad jokes
Speaker 1: to sink your teeth into. On World Dracula Day, I'm
Speaker 1: on a vampire voyage to spread the laughs and groans
Speaker 1: far and wide. So please share these jokes with your
Speaker 1: family and friends. Thanks. Do you have your own dad
Speaker 1: joke you want to share? Join the hundreds of listeners
Speaker 1: who have submitted their own dad jokes through my voicemail.
Speaker 1: Please spread the laughs and groans and submit your own
Speaker 1: dad joke to our voicemail with the best ones to
Speaker 1: be included in special fan episodes. Just leave your name,
Speaker 1: the city and state you live in, and your best
Speaker 1: dad joke. Call nine seven eight three nine three one
Speaker 1: zero seven six. I'll repeat that number. It's nine seven
Speaker 1: eight three nine three one zero seven six, or check
Speaker 1: the show notes page for the number. I'll look forward
Speaker 1: to hearing from you. The Daily Dad Jokes podcast is
Speaker 1: produced by Classic Studios. See the show notes page for
Speaker 1: social media links and joke credits.