Speaker 1: Hello the Internet, and welcome to season two ninety, episode three.
Speaker 2: Of Danny's Eye Guys Yeay.
Speaker 1: Production of iHeartRadio. This is a podcast where would take
Speaker 1: a deep dave into America.
Speaker 2: Share Consciousness.
Speaker 1: Might be taking a deep dave into America share Consciousness.
Speaker 2: Whoa it is?
Speaker 1: Thursday, June eighth, twenty twenty three. Oh yeah, blue blue
Speaker 1: collar comedy. Did you do you remember the Here's Your
Speaker 1: Sign thing by Bill Ingwall?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, you tried to make that happen. Yeah, because
Speaker 2: I thought that was just like me and my friends
Speaker 2: caught that and thought it was really funny and we
Speaker 2: would always say it to each other. But I just
Speaker 2: heard forget who was referencing it. But a podcast. I
Speaker 2: listened to this old play Here's Your Sign? Like, oh,
Speaker 2: that made it outside of my group of friends. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Oh but June eight kind of a kind of we
Speaker 3: got it all. Today it's World Ocean's Day. It's a
Speaker 3: national Name your Poison Day. Sounds like something to do
Speaker 3: with a bar, National Best Friends Day. Also World pet
Speaker 3: Memorial Day before one out, you know, for the foe,
Speaker 3: like Pete Davidson did for his mom's dog and then
Speaker 3: yield to beat up that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, my name's Jack O'Brien aka Jack sad.
Speaker 4: At home in his two short shorts, totally emotionally focusing
Speaker 4: on sports, muscles, tents as he watched all the jumpers,
Speaker 4: and that's when he exposed everyone.
Speaker 5: To his plumpers. They're plump, they're plump, they're white le
Speaker 5: like bread. They're plump, They're plump, they're plump. His kids
Speaker 5: have fled.
Speaker 1: Jack shorts were bursting, We're going We're Jack shorts were bursting.
Speaker 5: At the scenes that pallid flesh would haunt them all
Speaker 5: in their dreams, so white.
Speaker 2: If they voted, they'd be trumpers.
Speaker 4: Mere fabric can't contain the power of the plumpers.
Speaker 2: Woo wow. Heard see of one Hugo Boss. Wow. First
Speaker 2: first listener guest that we had on Tuesday's episode.
Speaker 3: Not the first, I mean that goes to Christy Almaguchi Man,
Speaker 3: but yes for the for thedation first full s was
Speaker 3: Christy Alma Gucci Man.
Speaker 2: Yes or will be well yes at some point if
Speaker 2: he's will yes. Shout out to Hugo Boss, thank you
Speaker 2: for that aka to.
Speaker 1: Lump to the United States of America, and also Christy
Speaker 1: Alma Gucci Man did do a lump plumpers aka earlier
Speaker 1: on so I I do not want to engage in
Speaker 1: any CHRISTI Yamagucci man erasure. Okay, good, Hey, Miles, I'm
Speaker 1: thrilled to be joined as always my co host, mister
Speaker 1: Miles Growl.
Speaker 2: Wow, thank you so much for having me again today.
Speaker 3: Let's see Miles great aka come from Grimace, Come, come
Speaker 3: from Grimace.
Speaker 2: Happy birthday kid. Here's a couple of his business.
Speaker 3: Okay, to Scouty Magoo, we we've we've fucked up by
Speaker 3: even evoking the idea of Grimace extreme.
Speaker 2: Purple milkshake has to be Grimace. Come.
Speaker 1: I think we can get our guests involved in this conversation,
Speaker 1: but I'm pretty sure it has to be Grimace.
Speaker 3: But anyway, shot Out Scotty even going all of the
Speaker 3: wild Grimace case y'all hit on discord, I will I
Speaker 3: will go through them with a tooth comb, you sick motherfuckers.
Speaker 1: Well, Miles, we're thrilled to be joined by a very
Speaker 1: funny comedian, Yes, sir, who you've seen on TV uh
Speaker 1: in Insecure on Comedy Central doing stand up. The Great
Speaker 1: American Joke off his album Happening in My Head just
Speaker 1: dropped in April. It's Luke Mona, Oh my god, thank
Speaker 1: you guys.
Speaker 2: So I'm so hyped. I mean this is like, uh, frankly,
Speaker 2: I was ready for uh party songs the whole episode.
Speaker 2: I was I was hoping we'd stick with lump that
Speaker 2: entire I have gone. I mean I thought it was.
Speaker 2: I was like, I think we're on verse three and
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm about to lean back and just enjoy it.
Speaker 2: You're like, well, Luke, it's been great having you on. Man.
Speaker 2: We're like, what thing? Yeah, I mean that's what I was.
Speaker 2: But I mean i'd be cool with that. But I
Speaker 2: have to ask just to just for thank you for
Speaker 2: having me one and two. Just for clarity's sake, what
Speaker 2: are we referring to with plumpers. They are my thighs, Okay,
Speaker 2: big thick thighs. I gotta be honest with you. I'm
Speaker 2: just gonna I'm just gonna lay it all. I feel
Speaker 2: like I need to lay bare. I need to be vulnerable.
Speaker 2: I picked up thighs on verse two, but verse one
Speaker 2: for some reason, I think, perhaps not alone, perhaps the
Speaker 2: rest of America will join me in thinking that they
Speaker 2: were talking about balls. Balls. Yeah, that's when he exposed
Speaker 2: everyone to the plumpers. Yeah feels yeah, well, when you're
Speaker 2: exposing Yeah, it has that vibe to it. I mean
Speaker 2: it ties into that.
Speaker 1: Listener is also a Domino's pizza delivery person who is
Speaker 1: constantly We had him on for for an interview earlier
Speaker 1: this week, and apparently once every couple months, somebody comes
Speaker 1: to their door and exposes themselves to him. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: he's like unsure. They don't they don't react, they just
Speaker 1: have no pants on and they're just like, yeah, this
Speaker 1: is happening.
Speaker 2: And I think that's like a thing. I think that people.
Speaker 2: I think that there's a certain thing that's where flashers went. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 2: they used the Dominoes mainly Dominoes. It's not no other delivery,
Speaker 2: it's not Amazon. They use Domino's delivery as a way
Speaker 2: to kind of complete their sort of voyeuristic to fulfill
Speaker 2: their voyeuristic fantasies. Yeah, not voyeuristic.
Speaker 1: What is it the opposite X Yeah, exhibit exhibitionist is
Speaker 1: what I was looking for. I was almost that expositional, expositional. Hey, hey,
Speaker 1: well it's great to have you here, thanks for joining us,
Speaker 1: Thanks for having me.
Speaker 2: Guys. My favorite I just got to say.
Speaker 3: What the first thing a clip I saw of you,
Speaker 3: because we're in the age of seeing comedians and clips,
Speaker 3: was when you said you were more of an Emperor
Speaker 3: guy but like liking Star Wars as a Star Wars fan.
Speaker 2: I was like, was like, yes, thanks, yeah, you know
Speaker 2: what's so funny is like that that bit, like that
Speaker 2: bit like I feel like a lot of comedians had this.
Speaker 2: I certainly had that bit just like never worked and
Speaker 2: people always like audiences just stared blankly as I tried
Speaker 2: doing that right, and then one day it just kind
Speaker 2: of worked and I like started doing it, and then
Speaker 2: like I was like, I have no idea what the
Speaker 2: secret sauce was that got people to laugh at that.
Speaker 2: But for I would say, for like many months I
Speaker 2: was just saying that and people were just appalled and
Speaker 2: signed so thank you, why for thank you for yeah
Speaker 2: seeing me there? Yeah, yeah, of course, of course.
Speaker 1: I was just thinking about how how the the Emperor
Speaker 1: went out without much of a fight, Like what was
Speaker 1: going on with him when Darth Vader just like picked
Speaker 1: him up and threw him over. Was like, are we
Speaker 1: to understand that when he's doing force lightning, it's like
Speaker 1: an orgasm of some sort, and like he can't really
Speaker 1: like come back to his or because he just lets
Speaker 1: him throw him over the over the edge, right spoilers.
Speaker 2: What the fuck, dude, Edi Jedi yet. But I'm just
Speaker 2: like a little disappointed in him because he is such
Speaker 2: a good, big bad for like the whole trilogy and
Speaker 2: then he's just like and now I'm frozen. Well I
Speaker 2: can't do it. Yeah, you know, I I never thought
Speaker 2: about that. I think orgasm probably is the best comp
Speaker 2: for for h It'd be great if you if the
Speaker 2: Emperor was killing Luke Skywalker, he was like, oh, even
Speaker 2: the guys in the Red Helmet and they just see
Speaker 2: them like suddenly look at each other. Yeah, he's doing
Speaker 2: it again, man, Yeah, that is I never thought. I
Speaker 2: never thought about that. But that's uh, that's probably why
Speaker 2: he he really well, maybe he knew that he was
Speaker 2: gonna come back in the Rise of Skywalker just kind
Speaker 2: of magically. He's like, I'll just not die eventually, right
Speaker 2: right right right now that happens. I haven't seen three
Speaker 2: or nine for some reason. I just never got around
Speaker 2: to it. So don't see nine, don't see nine. Yes,
Speaker 2: that's what I've heard.
Speaker 3: It's kind of good if you know you're gonna laugh
Speaker 3: at how fucking dumb it gets at the end.
Speaker 2: Maybe, but of course could just be terribly upsetting.
Speaker 3: Anyway, it doesn't matter what I said anyway, Welcome to
Speaker 3: Star Wars Talk, Luke.
Speaker 2: I can I make one more point about that? Yeah? Please,
Speaker 2: because you guys got me going, so you blame yourselves.
Speaker 2: But yeah, always the guy I think Ian mcdermoid, the
Speaker 2: guy who plays Palpatine, is like in his sixties now,
Speaker 2: which means that when when he played the Emperor in
Speaker 2: nineteen eighty three, he was like twenty six and like,
Speaker 2: fuck a hot young actor in this life. We want
Speaker 2: to give you just the grossest makeup. He's like, can
Speaker 2: you just get an older guy? They're like, well, we're
Speaker 2: going to make another movie in literally forty years, so
Speaker 2: can you That is true.
Speaker 1: That's amazing foresight on them, literally incredible forest. Yeah, all right, Luke,
Speaker 1: we're going to get to know you a little bit better.
Speaker 2: Sorry first, no, no, just I'm the one who brought
Speaker 2: it up to begin with. So it's all on. Yeah,
Speaker 2: little house keeping up top.
Speaker 1: We're doing a new public hation schedule for the summer
Speaker 1: eight episodes A week one episode on Monday, one episode
Speaker 1: on Friday, Tuesday mornings. Episode are going to be like
Speaker 1: some weird evergreen not weird, but just we're interviewing listeners
Speaker 1: and we're interviewing experts. But if you want to be
Speaker 1: a listener guest, tell us about your job. Tell us
Speaker 1: you know things that people don't know about your job,
Speaker 1: the craziest shit that ever happened to you on your job.
Speaker 1: We had a veterinary pathologist right in for our first
Speaker 1: episode about investigating a bag of dead bald eagle that
Speaker 1: turned out to be caked and cocaine. And then and
Speaker 1: then yeah, we talked to uh Hugo Bosk from the
Speaker 1: discord about it's great.
Speaker 3: What's great is like every time we ask y'all for
Speaker 3: to like submit, everyone writes in and already it's like
Speaker 3: we got someone who's like a prosecutor in Florida. We
Speaker 3: got someone who's like what was the latest one? Oh,
Speaker 3: like sex workers, we have like custodial staff. There's so
Speaker 3: many interesting people that trust this is we're really look,
Speaker 3: we love you all.
Speaker 2: Equally, Thank you so much. And yeah, well we'll be
Speaker 2: talking to you all in the coming days. Today some
Speaker 2: things we're talking about.
Speaker 1: We're talking about the Utah book banning and why it's
Speaker 1: dumb and why what somebody did to kind of undermine
Speaker 1: it in a pretty brilliant way. The debut of Tucker
Speaker 1: on Twitter, which should be read with a fully wooden
Speaker 1: deck background. For for some reason, God, he's going so
Speaker 1: hard on the wood.
Speaker 2: Supposed to just.
Speaker 3: Read as like American masculinity. Like it's just like it's
Speaker 3: wood man, you know. Yeah, fuck yeah, Okay, Well good
Speaker 3: for him.
Speaker 2: He's also got pool cues behind him. Yeah, yeah, he's
Speaker 2: just he is hanging out in the lodge where Harlan
Speaker 2: Crow and Clarence Thomas hangout, like on their vacation. Hey,
Speaker 2: speaking of going so hard on the wood, people have
Speaker 2: been masturbating for millions of years. A study has found.
Speaker 1: I find this study to be weird, and it seems like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, like we've found yeah, exactly followed under
Speaker 1: no ship. But they're also like there's some assumptions baked
Speaker 1: in that, like it's weird that we masturbate. Kind of
Speaker 1: like it seems like they're like, well, why did our
Speaker 1: masturbating like branch of the evolutionary chain thrive while others didn't,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, no, all of them were masturbating.
Speaker 1: Every everything that has hands is masturbating. Guys, what are
Speaker 1: you talking about? Anyways, we'll talk about that. We'll talk
Speaker 1: about maybe the.
Speaker 2: New Captain America reboot, which they've had to change the
Speaker 2: name on a couple other things. But before we get
Speaker 2: to any of that shit, Luke, we do like to
Speaker 2: ask our guests, what is something from your search history? Yeah,
Speaker 2: so I've thought about this because there's a couple of
Speaker 2: things over the last twenty four hours that I really
Speaker 2: I felt I could present to you. But one thing
Speaker 2: I was in I mean, I feel like this is
Speaker 2: a no judgment zone for like fucked up Internet stuff,
Speaker 2: so I feel like I can just come here and
Speaker 2: just lay at bare. But I was on the Wikipedia
Speaker 2: page for I get in the big My biggest Wikipedia
Speaker 2: hole is like oldest people in the world, and it
Speaker 2: changes all the time because they die and like new
Speaker 2: ones the place, and they're always coming up. And so yeah,
Speaker 2: I would say, right now my jam is googling oldest
Speaker 2: people in the world, or oldest people in America, or
Speaker 2: oldest like the I think the last veteran of World
Speaker 2: War One died I mean is this weird? I mean,
Speaker 2: is this the window? There's gotta way weird ones people
Speaker 2: have said, oh yeah, yeah yeah, okay, oh yeah yeah,
Speaker 2: this is just you know what mudlarking is. Hey man,
Speaker 2: you know you know what mud lark you up on?
Speaker 2: Mud larking? Bro, hit me with the mudlarking death.
Speaker 3: That's just like people who like dig in, like the
Speaker 3: like mud looking for stuff like on river banks and
Speaker 3: ship Yeah yeah, we did like forty minutes on that
Speaker 3: one time.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, trust so don't worry about it. Okay, I
Speaker 2: feel I feel Wait wait, but who is the old Yeah?
Speaker 3: Well, I mean I'm going to ask you as if
Speaker 3: you know, and I don't want to see those hands
Speaker 3: typing looke jeez. Who currently holds the mantle of like
Speaker 3: oldest person on earth?
Speaker 2: Yeah? So the oldest person right now. Her name is
Speaker 2: Maria Bronyas Morrera. She was born in nineteen o seven. Wow.
Speaker 2: She lives in Catalonia, Spain, in a nursing home and
Speaker 2: she runs her own Twitter.
Speaker 3: Hey so do I deal? I think that's impressive. Yeah,
Speaker 3: sir seyn be some ship posts man? Yeah wait wait
Speaker 3: so was that one hundred and seventeen years old. Well,
Speaker 3: he said nineteen oh seven, so.
Speaker 2: I believe she's one one hundred and sixteen. Have you
Speaker 2: seen that video of this old like thie monk who's
Speaker 2: like in the hut? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Who, Like it's like this clip of this tie monk
Speaker 3: and like a little girl is playing with them and
Speaker 3: it looks like an animated skeleton.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that guy, I think, unfortunately, everyone is like, that's
Speaker 2: another one of those guys who it's It's interesting because
Speaker 2: it's always like often it's like holy men who lie
Speaker 2: about being the oldest man in the world. But I
Speaker 2: think like that guy has been like deep over because
Speaker 2: once the guy was in his twenties, like ever Coppetent. Yeah, no,
Speaker 2: but once in a while a guy will come along,
Speaker 2: like a holy man will come along and be like,
Speaker 2: I'm the oldest man in the world, and everyone is like, no,
Speaker 2: you're not, and then he just kind of goes, you're right,
Speaker 2: and then it's easy my bad. Yeah, yeah, I'm eighty one.
Speaker 2: Sorry about that. I'm really old though, right, Guys like
Speaker 2: that is fun. It feels old. It feels old, all right,
Speaker 2: I'm not one hundred and fifty five, you got me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, At a certain point, like people just look old
Speaker 1: as hell, and if they're like I'm actually one hundred
Speaker 1: and fifteen, I'd buy it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean this guy does look old and nine
Speaker 3: years old.
Speaker 1: That truly is that skeleton skeletor with like a loose
Speaker 1: like coating of skin.
Speaker 2: Okay, there are holes in his cheek. This does look
Speaker 2: like an animatronic from like Indiana something, Pirates of the Caribbean, Right,
Speaker 2: I think I'm thinking of a different guy because this
Speaker 2: guy looks one hundred and nine as hell. That guy
Speaker 2: looks That's what I'm saying, Like, this dude looks legitm man,
Speaker 2: you look one hundred and nine as hell. It would
Speaker 2: have move my heart if Luke, if you busted it.
Speaker 2: You're like, dude, that guy no fucking seventy two, dude,
Speaker 2: that guy looks insane, just super fast metabolism. Yeah, that's all.
Speaker 2: He's never put on a single pound. I mean that
Speaker 2: guy looks like you could do. I mean, he looks
Speaker 2: like he's just half an inch from dying, like any
Speaker 2: sort of like even moment heavy wind anything. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then they just like bring children by to like
Speaker 1: pet him like he's Yeah. The videos of like a
Speaker 1: child runs up and like he just reaches his hand
Speaker 1: out and like kind of generally pets and them, and
Speaker 1: then another child runs up and does the same thing.
Speaker 1: There's just just like grab when I saw like the
Speaker 1: little girl grabs him, Like is it easy?
Speaker 2: Easy? Easy? Yeah? I want to be sideshow attraction old
Speaker 2: That's what I'm going for. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's gotta be like not the tenure on
Speaker 1: that position oldest in the world has to be among
Speaker 1: the among the shortest tenured positions.
Speaker 2: So true, you know you're not going to be hanging
Speaker 2: out that long. You know you're in the waiting room.
Speaker 2: If that's what's going on. Right when when you get
Speaker 2: the call up to the varsity team, Yeah, the big one.
Speaker 2: What's uh, what's something you think is overrated? Oh? Man,
Speaker 2: another thing I've been Uh, I've been wrestling with something
Speaker 2: I think is overrated. I'm gonna say the push for
Speaker 2: meta verse stuff. These apple glasses. They got me kind
Speaker 2: of freaked out. I've been. I watched that promo video
Speaker 2: and the ten minute one. Yeah, I got a little
Speaker 2: It kind of scared me, and I was like, I
Speaker 2: think that the the public appetite for this, even if
Speaker 2: it's not like global yet. Even if it's still like
Speaker 2: the tech big tech kind of pushing it on us,
Speaker 2: I'm still like this is massively overrated. I feel like
Speaker 2: this is going to turn us into the Wally Oh yesiety.
Speaker 1: Yeah I had that thought. I was like, Wally missed
Speaker 1: because they still have screens in front of them that
Speaker 1: they're looking at at a distance. I mean, this is
Speaker 1: what it's going to be.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the goggles are I mean I actually think that
Speaker 2: Google Glass was like the clu Even though it looked
Speaker 2: kind of dorky, it was like the closest thing to
Speaker 2: like I can't I'm surprised. I think it was just
Speaker 2: a little early. But yeah, these big goggles, I mean
Speaker 2: these look extremely goofy. I mean, yeah, you're going to
Speaker 2: see people at the airport walking with these goggles on.
Speaker 2: It's gonna be like you're gonna see them at the
Speaker 2: airport like in a month wearing that, and it's, uh,
Speaker 2: it's pretty amazing. Anyways, Having said that, I did pre
Speaker 2: order Five Parents.
Speaker 3: I mean there, I was like, this is the sickest
Speaker 3: TV ever. That is how when I saw that, I
Speaker 3: was like, what if I blew up watching whatever the
Speaker 3: fuck I'm watching? Like when they did the things like
Speaker 3: what if it was a hundred foot screen and you're
Speaker 3: on a lake in Switzerland And I was like, whoa,
Speaker 3: that's been true. Yeah, that's like that was the only thing.
Speaker 3: I'm like, that's cool. However, I'm not gonna spend thirty
Speaker 3: five hundred dollars on that. But I can see, just
Speaker 3: like to everyone's point, the slippery slope it causes, and
Speaker 3: like cut to some airport and you have people missing
Speaker 3: their flights and shit because they've like passed out in
Speaker 3: their fucking vision goggles or whatever.
Speaker 2: And yeah, I didn't think about that, you know, as
Speaker 2: you said the one hundred foot screenthing, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: this is going to kill the movie theater eventually. It is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's gonna kill so many things. It just like
Speaker 1: further allows you to completely disassociate into a like cellular
Speaker 1: existence and like just makes it so cool to be
Speaker 1: in a room by yourself doing absolutely nothing.
Speaker 2: I've I've become one of these people who, like, I'm
Speaker 2: very big on proselytizing to everyone I meet about like
Speaker 2: the dangers of AI and kind of you know, being
Speaker 2: the trying to se I'm not trying to make myself
Speaker 2: sound like I'm ahead of the time. I feel like
Speaker 2: everybody else a lot of other people are doing this too,
Speaker 2: But like I feel like AI, chat GBT, all this
Speaker 2: shit is going to like fundamentally disrupt our society and
Speaker 2: economy more than COVID did by like a long shot.
Speaker 2: I feel like this is going to be insane and
Speaker 2: destructive and there will be a lot of good that
Speaker 2: comes from it. But like I feel like, you know,
Speaker 2: this is kind of a cousin of that where I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: we're not paying attention to how much. Yeah, this is
Speaker 2: going to change things and like kill jobs and probably
Speaker 2: maybe kill people.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the I feel like the vision pro goggles or whatever,
Speaker 3: it's like easier to see where that goes. I think
Speaker 3: for some people, like AI's still like kind of obscure
Speaker 3: to them, where they're like, I don't know, it seems
Speaker 3: kind of cool, whereas like I think, like you're saying,
Speaker 3: it's like this is Wally, this is black mirror, remember
Speaker 3: the thing we have examples of how we entertech dystopia
Speaker 3: or maybe the matrix where everyone's a battery and like
Speaker 3: in their own little pod at some point.
Speaker 2: Yeah, true, it's like the beginning of the yeah, it
Speaker 2: really is like the it's like our first footstep into
Speaker 2: lifting in a completely digital way, and I think I
Speaker 2: call it something else, right, Like they they invented their
Speaker 2: own term that I saw at the Apple event that
Speaker 2: I'm forgetting now. But it's not augmented reality. It's like
Speaker 2: in reality.
Speaker 1: If something hands reality feels like what it will be called. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it is so funny to me, like just in
Speaker 1: retrospect looking at like when Mark Zuckerberg released his version
Speaker 1: of this, it was like it looked like it was
Speaker 1: fifteen years old and it was just like such dog.
Speaker 1: It just looked like such shit. And then Apple drops
Speaker 1: this and it's like, oh yeah, I mean that's that
Speaker 1: makes sense. Like if Mark Zuckerberg was like going as
Speaker 1: hard as he has been on the metaverse after releasing
Speaker 1: this product, I'd be scared.
Speaker 2: I'd be like, oh wow, this is really powerful. But
Speaker 2: he just dropped. He just dropped some like first iteration
Speaker 2: of Wei level ship like the Nintendo Wii like everything
Speaker 2: inside that looks like a Nintendo Wi generation below it
Speaker 2: and miners like we actually just improved on reality.
Speaker 3: Yeah fuck having an Avatar Just how about you watch
Speaker 3: Avatar on a thousand foot screen in the in the ocean. Yes,
Speaker 3: but I feel like Zuckerberg at least his like instinct
Speaker 3: of like people are going to be on this. Maybe
Speaker 3: that was correct, even though he's like diverting billions of
Speaker 3: meta dollars into this like goofy. Like it looks like
Speaker 3: in the office when Dwight created a second life character.
Speaker 2: It looks worse than that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like if you've seen Jury Duty, it's like
Speaker 1: the defense Defense Attorney his video that he shows.
Speaker 2: Every time you say jury duty, I think of a
Speaker 2: poly shore movie. I don't know. Yeah, that's what I
Speaker 2: was talking about. Why what's everyone else talking about?
Speaker 1: Yeah, biodome, Luke, it's a real biodome situation. Everything that
Speaker 1: these apple glad I'm like, I mean, think about it.
Speaker 1: We're all gonna be living in biodomes and then we'll
Speaker 1: come out as virtual and Sino men because we haven't
Speaker 1: been in society. Next thing, you know, I'm fighting in
Speaker 1: the Global Wars because I'm in the army. Now, I'm like, Wow,
Speaker 1: these guys love Polly Shure. Are you guys like, so,
Speaker 1: how have you been wheezing the juice late? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Hey, buddy, are you are you are you? Are you married?
Speaker 2: Are you good son in law? Luke? What is something
Speaker 2: you think is underrated? Oh? Man, what is something I
Speaker 2: think is underrated? I'm gonna go with I'm gonna go
Speaker 2: with like knockoff crocs. Yeah, m hmm. What do you
Speaker 2: mean by that? Like just off brand crocs or like
Speaker 2: literal fake like modulant crocs. I'm gonna that's also. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna go off brand crocs because I feel like I
Speaker 2: love a croc. H I feel like I was in
Speaker 2: the first wave of people to bring them back. Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm also in the I was also I feel like
Speaker 2: among the first people to vocalize that crocs are edible.
Speaker 2: I'm not saying you should eat your crocs, but you
Speaker 2: know they are edible. They're made of this like corn
Speaker 2: fiber that like you could eat if you needed to
Speaker 2: eat them. And I feel like, uh, wait, are they
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I give that a fact check because I'm
Speaker 2: ninety percent sure that's true.
Speaker 3: I got an argument eat crocs? An investigation? Yeah, advice
Speaker 3: or should let me? Okay, keep going and and I'll
Speaker 3: let you know when I get okay.
Speaker 2: Thank you? Yeah, yeah, I think they did that. The
Speaker 2: Department of defense did something. No anyway, But I have
Speaker 2: off brand crocs I got for like twenty dollars on
Speaker 2: Amazon and its it served me well, and you know,
Speaker 2: they're the easy brand kind of made their croc But
Speaker 2: now I feel like that's a problematic to wear. So yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm sticking with my Amazon brand crocks. I feel like
Speaker 2: that's super underrated and it needs to be more and
Speaker 2: more widely accepted.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, I think it's funny how like everybody
Speaker 3: there's just so many like at this point when you
Speaker 3: say off brand crocks, we're just all kind of into
Speaker 3: the idea of like kind of chunky round slippers and
Speaker 3: we're like, yeah, yeah, why not?
Speaker 2: Why not? Why not?
Speaker 3: Like they're comfortable, Like I have like some Amazon big
Speaker 3: chunky foam like sandals that I'm like, these are so
Speaker 3: fucking comfortable.
Speaker 2: They're like, yeah, totally off brand, but I'm like this,
Speaker 2: it's the comfort baby, But they are not too so
Speaker 2: maybe they are, maybe they're not, maybe they're properly rated,
Speaker 2: But in my mind, I was just like I always
Speaker 2: felt like crocs are becoming like the like Kleenex, where
Speaker 2: it's like the brand is almost the name of the
Speaker 2: wider thing now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure, this is
Speaker 2: something A rep Yeah, I think they are actually becoming that.
Speaker 2: When when asked about the edibility of Crocs, a representative
Speaker 2: of the company said quote, although crocs are non toxic,
Speaker 2: there is little, if any nutritional value in the material
Speaker 2: you'd be used. Nobody thinks there's nutritional so it's kind
Speaker 2: of cryptic. Then he goes. The edibility is a rumor
Speaker 2: said to have started with a camp counselor who boiled
Speaker 2: a croc and cut into pieces, substituting the actual shoe
Speaker 2: with candy before he fed it to the camp children.
Speaker 3: They said, no, it's like this. I'm like, you could
Speaker 3: kind of. I guess they're just saying, like, I mean,
Speaker 3: if you want to go ahead.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like celery. It's like it it's fine vitamins,
Speaker 2: but eat it. Yeah, fun funny enough.
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, When I went shopping at the mall for Christmas,
Speaker 1: like the one store that was absolutely just like had
Speaker 1: people like pouring in and out, was like like Crocs
Speaker 1: was doing better business than the Apple store.
Speaker 2: It was oh yeah, that's awesome. Yeah I was.
Speaker 3: I was like the coolest uncle because I got my
Speaker 3: nephew minecraft Crocs, Like I bought one pair of Crocs
Speaker 3: and then like now I get emails all the time
Speaker 3: to like, hey, the new Minecraft collab and I was like,
Speaker 3: this seems like the perfect thing for like a ten
Speaker 3: year old, and yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: I got.
Speaker 1: The most gratitude I got for a gift in the past,
Speaker 1: like probably a couple of years, was from my mother
Speaker 1: in law being the good son in law. We's in
Speaker 1: the juice and got her some Crocs with the little
Speaker 1: gibbets gibbets. Yeah, and she was very charmed by that.
Speaker 2: So because they do call them charms as well, there
Speaker 2: you go. I'm just thinking of the Crocs flagship store
Speaker 2: at the mall having like a Crocs Genius bar where
Speaker 2: people are like helping you right to come up, Hey,
Speaker 2: can we help you? Or you bring in your cracking
Speaker 2: Like I don't know what to do with this, Oh
Speaker 2: but you're pretty sure. Yeah, why don't you pop your
Speaker 2: shoe off right now? Let me show you. Yeah, a
Speaker 2: guy in a blue shirt like putting me putting putting
Speaker 2: my foot through the crock you know, just like, wow,
Speaker 2: you guys are so helpful that how long did you train?
Speaker 2: And also hold on it looks like you got some
Speaker 2: gibbets there. Do you want to do? I'm going to
Speaker 2: help you put those on while you're here today.
Speaker 1: Oh I thought we would say that for next time. Really,
Speaker 1: I think do you have time level air for all? Right,
Speaker 1: let's take a quick break and we'll come back and
Speaker 1: talk about some news.
Speaker 2: And we're back.
Speaker 1: And Utah currently has a system in their schools where
Speaker 1: basically any parent can have any book reviewed, so it
Speaker 1: can be.
Speaker 2: Like banished from the curriculum. Yeah, which cool system.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's the way you get like any but you're like, oh,
Speaker 3: this like John or Haint Green book guy, this has
Speaker 3: like some reference to sexon or something I wanted out
Speaker 3: of the school.
Speaker 2: And so one parent was.
Speaker 3: Like, oh, this is an interesting system, and basically was
Speaker 3: thinking like, well, if you think Tony Morrison's Beloved is
Speaker 3: so fucked up, what about your own fucking book of incestuous.
Speaker 2: Ghost stories aka the Bible?
Speaker 3: And a parent So basically a parent submitted the Holy
Speaker 3: Bible for review, basically being like this shit is all
Speaker 3: over the place. This is what the parent wrote in
Speaker 3: their complaint to the school. They said, I think the
Speaker 3: Utah legislature and UTAP parents United for making this bad
Speaker 3: faith process so much easier and way more efficient. Now
Speaker 3: we can all ban books and you don't even need
Speaker 3: to read them or be accurate about it. Heck, you
Speaker 3: don't even need to see the book. Seating your children's
Speaker 3: education First Amendment rights and library access to a white
Speaker 3: supremacist hate group like the UTAP Parents United seems like
Speaker 3: a wonderful idea for a school district literally under investigation
Speaker 3: for being racist. And then they go and as I noticed,
Speaker 3: there's a gap though. UTOP Parents United left one of
Speaker 3: the most sex written books around the Bible incest ononism, bcality, prostitution,
Speaker 3: general mutilation, Malaysio, dildos that goes on in fantaside. You'll
Speaker 3: no doubt find the Bible under UTAH code blah blah
Speaker 3: blah has quote no serious value for miners end quote
Speaker 3: because it's pornographic by our new definition. So get this
Speaker 3: porn out of our schools. If the books that have
Speaker 3: been banned so far are any indication for way lesser offenses,
Speaker 3: this should be a slam dunk.
Speaker 2: Wow. Guess what I did not know about the dildos
Speaker 2: in the Bible. That was my takeaway from that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm like, literally about the searche dildo Bible.
Speaker 3: It's probably gonna come up with something else. But guess
Speaker 3: what they banned the Bible.
Speaker 2: Wow? Yeah, so well done, well done, which is like
Speaker 2: one of those things where you're like, wait, hold on,
Speaker 2: what are we doing here?
Speaker 3: I mean because I think most people are thinking, surely
Speaker 3: that will you know, catalyze a conversation about like what's
Speaker 3: going on, But they're just like, okay, cool, Yeah, the
Speaker 3: blade can cut both ways with this, like just knee
Speaker 3: jerk way of doing things. So now the parent is
Speaker 3: going to follow up with the Book of Latter day
Speaker 3: Saints or the Book of Mormon to actually be like
Speaker 3: all right, let's test your gangster now see if you're
Speaker 3: going to ban this one too. So this is just
Speaker 3: like it's really odd because again, I think you'd hope
Speaker 3: that that would like in your logic you're like, well,
Speaker 3: then we're getting rid of your Bible, and they're like
Speaker 3: well no, they're like yeah, I go ahead. Then you're like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, So this is just gonna be cynical
Speaker 3: race to the fucking bottom if it keeps up like this.
Speaker 2: Oh totally, I'm sure that parent who is trying to
Speaker 2: make a point. It was like, oh, okay, well, I
Speaker 2: guess let's also ban Book of Mormon, right, and we'll
Speaker 2: see where that goes.
Speaker 1: I think it's revealing that they're good with the book
Speaker 1: the banning of the Bible, because like they're not for
Speaker 1: any reading, you know, they don't want their kids like
Speaker 1: knowing anything because they don't asking difficult questions about the
Speaker 1: dildo in the Bible, right, So yeah, this is fine
Speaker 1: with them, and then they'll just like, well, we'll just
Speaker 1: make some ship up when when our kids ask questions,
Speaker 1: we want our kids dumb and uninformed and like under
Speaker 1: our control.
Speaker 2: Essentially. Uh, there's yeah, there's some dildos in here in
Speaker 2: the Book of his Ekiel. Oh yeah, you know. I
Speaker 2: just I had to just go back into my mind
Speaker 2: and just be like, apparently idolatry. Is that what they
Speaker 2: were doing with the false idols?
Speaker 3: I don't know, and Moraley again, that's what I do, Yeah,
Speaker 3: they said, I guess if it says such as the
Speaker 3: all the jewelry that Judah the town who has described
Speaker 3: as an adulterous wife, I guess as in a metaphor
Speaker 3: for some reason, is turning into dildosa quote.
Speaker 2: You also took the fine jewelry. I gave you the
Speaker 2: jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made
Speaker 2: for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, yeah, I can see how that would be
Speaker 2: a weird way to describe that. I mean, yeah, dildo's
Speaker 2: is an idol. You can spell dildo's with idol. You
Speaker 2: just got to add a d oh. Oh yeah, I
Speaker 2: never thought about that. Da Vinci coach shit. Yeah, the
Speaker 2: whole thing is just a word jumble.
Speaker 1: And that's how all the greatest minds of all time
Speaker 1: have operated, is just through local newspaper level word jumbles.
Speaker 2: For you to solve. Yeah, yeah, that's a great da
Speaker 2: Vinci code. Sequels is Robert Langdon just trying to prove
Speaker 2: that people these things fucking themselves, right, the search for
Speaker 2: the first dildo, the first holy dildo. Yeah, well Robert
Speaker 2: the cryptext or whatever. But they're like, wait, it's a dildo.
Speaker 2: We never thought of this.
Speaker 1: This episode certainly has a jerk off theme because our
Speaker 1: next story is Tucker Carlson.
Speaker 2: Is up on Twitter.
Speaker 1: He dropped the first episode of his new Twitter show,
Speaker 1: which is apparently all being filmed inside a remote cabin
Speaker 1: in the middle of the woods.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, the set.
Speaker 3: Is terrible that I just want to play the intro
Speaker 3: the first couple of seconds because he has the energy
Speaker 3: of like a like an early ots YouTube blogger. The
Speaker 3: whole thing feels it's so and the pacing is so
Speaker 3: fucked up like this goes to show I mean, you
Speaker 3: are don't you have like a ton of money, Like
Speaker 3: is anyone making this? But anyway, here's the beginning of it.
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Stucker Carlson this morning. That's already too much. Hey, okay,
Speaker 2: I'll give you one more time. Hey, it's stuck Her
Speaker 2: Carlson this morning. It looks like somebody blew up the
Speaker 2: Kakovka damn in southern Ukraine. Wait, like you just left Fox.
Speaker 3: This is supposed to be your big comeback and you
Speaker 3: just go like, hey, Tucker Carlson, somebody blew up a damn.
Speaker 2: Yeah no intro. I also have to point out from
Speaker 2: watching it just now, it sounds like for a guy
Speaker 2: who was Look, I'm not saying my audio is perfect,
Speaker 2: I'm not saying my level so perfect, But for a
Speaker 2: guy who makes twenty five million dollars a year, as
Speaker 2: broadcaster here. It certainly got a lot of echo in there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, tiny well agains Again, he chose probably one of
Speaker 3: the worst acoustic environments, just solid wood. It's like everything's reflective,
Speaker 3: so true, but this is a I guess that's the
Speaker 3: vibe because wood equals American.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 1: I mean, that does seem to be a decision he's
Speaker 1: making because at the end of the ten minute long show,
Speaker 1: the camera pans out and it's revealed that there's literally
Speaker 1: nobody in the room with him and he's just like
Speaker 1: using a mouse to scroll through a teleprompter. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: he's just buy himself. So I think like that's what
Speaker 1: he's trying to prove a little.
Speaker 2: Bit, like listen to idious audio?
Speaker 1: Is it?
Speaker 3: But like that's not a win like again, because his
Speaker 3: whole thing is like he's like, I'm off, Like the
Speaker 3: reason I'm on Twitter is because there's no gatekeepers here,
Speaker 3: yeah know, And he's like that this is going to
Speaker 3: be the short wave radio of the future some shit.
Speaker 3: And but again, you you don't even have like this
Speaker 3: sort of same production quality. I don't know, it just
Speaker 3: it it it just it just reads as I'm alone,
Speaker 3: completely and isolated and.
Speaker 1: Also obviously a complete fucking you know, like that it's
Speaker 1: a complete fabrication. He has somebody doing his makeup and
Speaker 1: doing his hair and all that shit, like they're hiding
Speaker 1: just off screen just because he's operating his own teleprompter,
Speaker 1: but surely does not mean that he's doing this all
Speaker 1: by himself.
Speaker 2: Also, like, let's be very clear, like the those windows
Speaker 2: behind him aren't windows, Like this is like still a set,
Speaker 2: even if he's at a cabin right right, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: because lighting would be a nightmare. You can tell at
Speaker 2: the end of the video that it's like, oh, that's
Speaker 2: clearly a fake backdrop. So he's in They've built him
Speaker 2: a little studio and they've put pool qu's behind him. Yeah,
Speaker 2: this is the this.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry listeners, but I'm just gonna look at the
Speaker 3: last shot here and it's just like I'm.
Speaker 2: Sorry, now, I'm like, are those actually pool qu's? Look?
Speaker 2: Are they like walking sticks? Like stick rack?
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, Billbo. So you're out there doing your
Speaker 3: one man show with like your windows quote unquote that
Speaker 3: just looks like shitty lcdtvs or something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, those are not There's no way, especially look at
Speaker 2: the one on the left.
Speaker 3: I mean that is that looks like when you look
Speaker 3: at a screen from the side, because the mewing angle
Speaker 3: becomes a little too acute. But anyway, but Tucker, great
Speaker 3: to see you going off on you know, homophobia and
Speaker 3: anti semitism pretty much straight off the bat with this
Speaker 3: first episode.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just coming with the conspiracies. It's like Tucker Carlson's
Speaker 1: conspiracy Theory hour. He so he starts off saying that
Speaker 1: this damn was an act of terrorism by Ukraine. He also,
Speaker 1: this is a direct quote, what exactly happened on nine
Speaker 1: to eleven? Oh you don't know that exactly happened on
Speaker 1: nine to eleven? Well, it's still classified. How did Jeffrey
Speaker 1: Epstein make all that money?
Speaker 2: How did he die? How about JFK? And so endless
Speaker 2: lyon then he said, who organized those Black Lives Matter riots? Three? Yeah, no,
Speaker 2: one's got to the bottom of that. And it's called
Speaker 2: public outrage? Right?
Speaker 1: Who organized? That's so fucking the police? The police state
Speaker 1: organized it by creating as something that people were reacting to.
Speaker 1: I guess, yeah, maybe that look no further than the police. Tucker,
Speaker 1: who was the mastermind behind all of this Black Lives
Speaker 1: Matter outrage? Couldn't have been people's just inherent sense of justice.
Speaker 1: But yeah, barely cracked freebird length. It was mostly dedicated
Speaker 1: to like so he claims that Ukraine blew up the
Speaker 1: Kakovka dam not Russia. And then he like says that
Speaker 1: Lindsay Graham is attracted to the rat like Zelenski. It's
Speaker 1: just like it really feels like he's getting You're doing.
Speaker 2: Two for one right there. Ye've gone homophobic and anti
Speaker 2: semitic with just one goal right there. Just wearing my
Speaker 2: brain out, Yeah, truly, But.
Speaker 3: It's just also funny think, like, you know, I don't
Speaker 3: know if people remember in World War Two the Russians
Speaker 3: also blew up a damn in Ukraine. Yeah, there is
Speaker 3: a slight history of them in the Danipper River. But yeah,
Speaker 3: I mean now I think most people are like, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: because that that helps Ukraine's That's why they do it.
Speaker 3: It's not because you know, Russia is trying to like
Speaker 3: do something to slow down like a counter offensive or whatever. Anyway,
Speaker 3: I'm it's just funny to see how he always comes
Speaker 3: back to these like pro Russia talking points.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it was immediately like picked up by Russian
Speaker 1: state TV. So's he's doing his job there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I wonder what kind of ad deal they've worked
Speaker 3: out between the Kremlin and Twitter and how all this
Speaker 3: is working.
Speaker 2: I mean, that's like, I don't know what it's.
Speaker 3: It can't just be the Tucker Carlson has like a
Speaker 3: tremendous love for Vladimir Putin because like it's like he's
Speaker 3: defying even his own logic at times with like how
Speaker 3: pro Russia he'll be.
Speaker 2: So like a lot of people are like there's got
Speaker 2: to be compromat or something or money or whatever. I'm like,
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's it's it's hard to know. Or
Speaker 2: the worldview just is in line is aligned with what
Speaker 2: he thinks. Like, well, if I can use my influence
Speaker 2: to get more people to think Russia is like that,
Speaker 2: we should be doing more things like Russia, and then
Speaker 2: maybe that's like a way to begin, I don't know,
Speaker 2: weakening the American psyche or something. I don't know. It's
Speaker 2: maybe they have a syndication deal.
Speaker 1: The way that like the real thing that makes sitcom
Speaker 1: writer writers like generationally wealthy is like the fact that
Speaker 1: there's always The Simpsons on at any time, like right
Speaker 1: at any point in the day.
Speaker 2: Maybe maybe that's what he's got going. It'd be, well,
Speaker 2: we'll see what episode two looks like and what kind
Speaker 2: of terrible things that come out of his mouth. But
Speaker 2: they say that's some like that video like sixty five
Speaker 2: million views or something. It really yeah, I mean it's
Speaker 2: what they are huge.
Speaker 1: But well because Elon Musk like tweeted and he's like
Speaker 1: boosting it right, yeah, he finished it. And also as
Speaker 1: we know, like he fired like when his posts weren't
Speaker 1: getting enough interaction or whatever traction and someone was like,
Speaker 1: I think it might be if you like look at
Speaker 1: these metrics here, it indicates that people don't fuck with you.
Speaker 2: Also, the Super Bowl all was happening that day. Bro,
Speaker 2: there's that part and then he fired. That person is
Speaker 2: said that that's so funny. Oh my god. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: think this is just going to be a thing.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't put it past Twitter to do what like
Speaker 3: Facebook was doing with video views, like back in the tents,
Speaker 3: oh yeah, where they're like, sure, oh yeah, had sixty
Speaker 3: five million views right there, it's like maybe you maybe
Speaker 3: you pushed it to sixty five million accounts or something.
Speaker 3: But like, I I mean I saw I saw like
Speaker 3: people quote tweeting, and I think I never watched it
Speaker 3: until like earlier this morning because I just wanted to
Speaker 3: see the intro. But yeah, whatever, I mean, it's I'm
Speaker 3: also you know, it's not beyond the you know, the
Speaker 3: uh what is believable to think that millions of people
Speaker 3: did watch that shit? Oh a hundred per I mean
Speaker 3: five million watch the show normally, but sixty five million?
Speaker 3: I'm like, no, what are we counting as a view
Speaker 3: right now?
Speaker 2: Exactly there? It really is a lot like that Facebook
Speaker 2: twenty sixteen vibe. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3: It's like it was on for two seconds while you scrolled.
Speaker 3: That's a full watch, all right, now bring us your
Speaker 3: ad dollars?
Speaker 2: Whoops? What do we do to everyone? So insane?
Speaker 1: But like what like going back to the idea that
Speaker 1: he's acting in somebody else's interest and not just like
Speaker 1: trying to launch a show, like to open your first
Speaker 1: episode with like conspiracy theories that are like pro Russia
Speaker 1: and you're trying to appeal like is that in line
Speaker 1: with the like Fox News orthodoxy? Like I know they
Speaker 1: were a little bit less on board than you know,
Speaker 1: the mainstream media with regards to like the Ukraine, Like
Speaker 1: you know, pro Ukraine stuff, but I think.
Speaker 2: They got into it over that, like his pro russianists
Speaker 2: like even push them to be like.
Speaker 1: Easy, dude, Like if you're trying to expose us to
Speaker 1: a bunch of new people to like try and grow
Speaker 1: your audience, and the first thing is like this you know,
Speaker 1: kind of convoluted Ukraine conspiracy theory, Like it just feels
Speaker 1: like a weird decision. I'm hoping I'm hoping he fucked
Speaker 1: up in that respect, and that everyone was like, all right,
Speaker 1: well this is boring, Like your conspiracy theories aren't even interesting.
Speaker 3: It starts off too with like Putin be like when
Speaker 3: Trump was president, right, it was hard to say Putin
Speaker 3: was a bad guy because Trump loved him so much.
Speaker 3: So to point out that Vladimir Putin was like an
Speaker 3: autocratic despot would.
Speaker 2: Be like, oh, you're like Joe Biden now. And I
Speaker 2: think it's like that was the beginning because he always
Speaker 2: then he'd always be like why is Vladimir Putin seen?
Speaker 3: It's such a bad guy, and like that's I remember
Speaker 3: he started doing that ship when Trump was in office
Speaker 3: because that was like cover for Trump, and then it
Speaker 3: became a thing where it's like and then as the
Speaker 3: war like heated up, that just became a thing that
Speaker 3: Joe Biden was trying to do his foreign policy.
Speaker 2: So then he's just like suddenly like pro Russia in
Speaker 2: that sense where maybe you could have been more like
Speaker 2: anti war. But hey, look who organized these Black Lives
Speaker 2: Matter protests? What really happened on nine to eleven? Eleven?
Speaker 2: Did Ukraine? Is it? Zelenski? Right? Oh my gosh, All right,
Speaker 2: let's take a quick break.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we'll come back and find other ways to
Speaker 1: talk about jack offs and that.
Speaker 2: Sort of thing.
Speaker 1: And we're back, and as promised, a new study has
Speaker 1: quote traced the origins of masturbation all the way back
Speaker 1: to ancient primates.
Speaker 3: Wow, shut up, I hate the person who wrote this.
Speaker 3: I've traced the origins of masturbation. Okay, I'm sorry, go
Speaker 3: on to ancient primates.
Speaker 1: Apparently this behavior was present a whopping forty million years ago,
Speaker 1: even before high speed internet existed. According to one of
Speaker 1: the researchers, it is an ancient evolved trait.
Speaker 2: It's ancient. Is this like mystical? Now?
Speaker 1: If they discovered masturbation wasn't present in any form of
Speaker 1: humanity that had like fingers, and a hand that would
Speaker 1: be the surprising thing. But being like we this one
Speaker 1: goes all the way to the top, folks, We really
Speaker 1: like people have been masturbating for a long time. It's
Speaker 1: like yeah that yeah, no shit, Like have you ever
Speaker 1: had a pet, like any like animals are frequently uncomfortably horny,
Speaker 1: Like I was.
Speaker 2: Just yeah, I'm watching it, I'm dog sitting right now,
Speaker 2: and I'm pretty sure the dog has been sucking its
Speaker 2: own dick. And on top of that, I'm going, well, basically,
Speaker 2: any any human, I would say, any animal that can
Speaker 2: suck its own dick is sucking its own Yes, we
Speaker 2: can just assume that that is like a mathematical certainty.
Speaker 2: Yeah right, that's like exactly, that is a certainty that
Speaker 2: if you can, if somebody can suck their and dick
Speaker 2: they are sitting there. This is wild because like I
Speaker 2: don't even know if it's like ancient, because like there's
Speaker 2: documentation that fetuses masturbate in the womb, right, so it's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: that's like one of It's like it like even goes
Speaker 2: beyond like even in the external world. It's like one
Speaker 2: of your first acts, like a living creature. How do
Speaker 2: they find that imagine the first ultrasound where they were like,
Speaker 2: what's he doing?
Speaker 3: Oh, that's just his d nothing nothing nothing nothing, get
Speaker 3: this leads going on there. But yeah, apparently like yeah,
Speaker 3: this has been like I just I think like in
Speaker 3: the eighties or something was the first time they you know,
Speaker 3: people saw it like on a sonogram.
Speaker 2: Yeah. The mom is like I feel like kicking. They're
Speaker 2: like those are kicks.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, those kicks, ma'am. It's kicking like a bunch,
Speaker 1: like in a really rapid succession.
Speaker 2: Wow, like thumper. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But so they poured over hundreds of publications personal notes
Speaker 1: about masturbating primate primates from primatologists and zoo keepers and
Speaker 1: like they're also like, we found it baffling that no
Speaker 1: one had properly researched this topic already, And I like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck are you talking about. It's just it's
Speaker 1: so common for the reason that it feels good and
Speaker 1: people can do it and there's nothing wrong with it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, Like what it's like, It's like it's like
Speaker 3: we've traced back the origins of waking up in the
Speaker 3: morning yawning and stretching your arms out like this.
Speaker 2: Ahace it back like other animals do it too. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: even yeah, I don't understand the origin of like how
Speaker 2: do they even go back that far? Number one? And
Speaker 2: what would make them think that any animal wasn't doing that? Right,
Speaker 2: that's the So that's the thing.
Speaker 1: So they have this whole section about like how they
Speaker 1: have these theories about the evolutionary reasons why male primates
Speaker 1: because like obviously, you know, this is based on historic research,
Speaker 1: and history does not want to acknowledge women's pleasure, nor
Speaker 1: does like modern Hollywood. Right, But so they have a
Speaker 1: lot of data on like male primates doing it, and
Speaker 1: but they're like positing these theories about the evolutionary reason
Speaker 1: and they're like, one theory is that it boosted the
Speaker 1: chances of impregnating a mate. Basically you like start yourself
Speaker 1: off and then you come first in like a you know,
Speaker 1: group sex situation. And also they're like and possibly it
Speaker 1: you know, if there's an outbreak of venereal disease, it
Speaker 1: can flush the tracts and make for you know, a
Speaker 1: healthier sexual environment.
Speaker 2: Right, I mean is that just?
Speaker 3: But is that just because like it's not like the
Speaker 3: primates were like, hey man, you should get checked out, man,
Speaker 3: you want to go jack off by the tree to
Speaker 3: just make sure you're good. Or is it that all
Speaker 3: the jacking off primates survived the venereal disease like outbreak,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, it's like, yeah, the horniest ones,
Speaker 3: the horniest ones got through.
Speaker 2: That's their theory. But finds a way, so their theory.
Speaker 1: I don't I don't think they're saying like it was
Speaker 1: a strategic decision right there, saying, you know, the way
Speaker 1: that natural selection works is that it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: a group that has this random, you know, evolutionary.
Speaker 2: Trait happens to survive better.
Speaker 1: So like I'm not suggesting that they're saying, like everybody
Speaker 1: got together in a huddle and was guys, we figured
Speaker 1: this thing out. But like that, it does assume that
Speaker 1: we were part of a peculiar branch of the evolutionary
Speaker 1: tree that masturbated, like that we were different and masturbating
Speaker 1: and like that, therefore it must have given us an
Speaker 1: evolutionary advantage over the other animals. Whereas, like my assumption
Speaker 1: is that there was not a single branch of the
Speaker 1: evolutionary tree that wasn't masturbating, except ones that didn't have hands,
Speaker 1: you know, it's just such a natural thing, right if
Speaker 1: they can't sure, But there's that probably gets a little
Speaker 1: complicated to be like the the reason this group that
Speaker 1: without hands didn't survive because they couldn't crank off like
Speaker 1: before and after sex.
Speaker 2: Why this particular fish didn't make it through the Jurassic era.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it does feel like this is coming from
Speaker 1: an angle of like what where did we get this
Speaker 1: like weird behavior from it? Just like as opposed to
Speaker 1: like this is a natural thing that feels good to
Speaker 1: animals and therefore they all do it. It feels like
Speaker 1: it's like benefits. Feels like they came up with this
Speaker 1: paper in like middle school when everyone was still pretending
Speaker 1: that they didn't jerk off.
Speaker 3: I just like it's just so funny too, Like how
Speaker 3: just the concept of masturbationing seems so like across the
Speaker 3: board from like in the in the fucking womb to
Speaker 3: animals or whatever. Because I'm pretty sure you can google
Speaker 3: fucking any animal in the word masturbate and you'll get
Speaker 3: something like I just googled. I just googled squirrel masturbate.
Speaker 3: Just now, I've never done that ever before. I just
Speaker 3: did this now for this, now stop asking, but immediately, listeners,
Speaker 3: you can pull the last time he said that, because
Speaker 3: well you will.
Speaker 2: You know that he's been saying. I just happened to.
Speaker 2: I searched that one just because I was curious and
Speaker 2: just just why the fuck am I on trial? Man?
Speaker 2: But there were immediately articles and pictures about squirrels masturbating,
Speaker 2: like and this one was saying, like, squirrels do it
Speaker 2: to help clear their you know, their pipes and help
Speaker 2: ward off like st i s and stuff. I got
Speaker 2: to write down some of these defenses. Yeah, please please
Speaker 2: do them. It feels good and it helps me clear
Speaker 2: my pipes. Yeah, thank you. What's the problem. I'm sorry,
Speaker 2: I didn't know it was looked down upon.
Speaker 1: I guess I on the bush's Yeah, keep it to yourself.
Speaker 2: But it's it's fine everyone. Don't let the paper make
Speaker 2: you feel weird. All animals do it and it makes
Speaker 2: them feel good. Please, but they would lived without it.
Speaker 2: This is the most human behavior. Observe the observe. You're
Speaker 2: not going to ser subway ride, so why don't you
Speaker 2: get off? All right?
Speaker 1: And finally, I'm not sure how we're gonna pull this
Speaker 1: one back around masturbation, but showtime has mysteriously pulled episode
Speaker 1: of Vice. Pull it off, Yeah, pull it back around. Yeah, Oh,
Speaker 1: actually I have one. He was a He was a
Speaker 1: JAG officer, JAG perfect before it was yanked. The description
Speaker 1: of this episode on Showtime's website hinted at potentially explosive
Speaker 1: material about Ron DeSantis before his yanked and explosive material
Speaker 1: and involved an investigation into allegations from former Guantanamo Bay
Speaker 1: detainees that Desanta has witnessed acts condemned by the United
Speaker 1: Nations as torture. And there were three inmate deaths at Guantanamo,
Speaker 1: and DeSantis was part of the investigation and these inmates
Speaker 1: the like his finding, the official finding was that the
Speaker 1: three prisoners had killed themselves, and that does not seem
Speaker 1: to jibe with like the actual facts of the case
Speaker 1: which they had, or what other detainees were saying, what
Speaker 1: was actually happening. Other detainees testimony, and they had like
Speaker 1: fabric shoved down their throats, deep down their throats and
Speaker 1: wild hung themselves. So Showtime doing the the GOP's work
Speaker 1: right now, just trying to or probably I mean, we
Speaker 1: don't know he's fucking wild enough to go after fucking
Speaker 1: Disney in a second, we don't have that kind of money,
Speaker 1: like Showtime will be fucking gone.
Speaker 2: But I don't know. That is something very peculiar, but
Speaker 2: also not surprising given how we see like mainstream media
Speaker 2: be like, yeah, yeah, we don't just not rock the
Speaker 2: boat to hard right now.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I mean I've been behind the scenes that.
Speaker 1: Like one of my first jobs was like working the
Speaker 1: phones at like one of the major networks like news desks,
Speaker 1: and saw a story get completely defanged by a current
Speaker 1: current prominent politician. Wasn't a politician then, was more of
Speaker 1: a reality show host guy on Trump Hunt. No I'm
Speaker 1: not saying that, but I mean like Ronald Trunk, Yeah,
Speaker 1: Ronald Trunk, and he just called and had his lawyers call,
Speaker 1: and like had lawyers who sounded suspiciously like him call,
Speaker 1: just NonStop, and eventually the news organization's legal department was like,
Speaker 1: I don't fucking know, man, let's just not do this.
Speaker 2: It's it's gonna be so annoying. What was the story?
Speaker 2: How it worked?
Speaker 1: It was just like basically being like he's a bullshit billionaire,
Speaker 1: he's like not as rich as he claims, and fraud.
Speaker 2: And yeah, I guess he stamped a lot of that out.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah exactly.
Speaker 1: So anyways, hopefully somebody, maybe other journalists who don't have
Speaker 1: massive legal departments with big overhead like can take this
Speaker 1: as an indication that there's something there and it's worth
Speaker 1: looking into.
Speaker 3: But because it's like I'm trying to think if it's revealed, right,
Speaker 3: people who like I don't know how this affects someone
Speaker 3: who would vote for him if the news came out. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Like it's one of those
Speaker 3: weird stories where like people you hear the name and
Speaker 3: you're probably gonna immediately be turned off or turned on
Speaker 3: or whatever the fuck. Yeah, but like if you hear
Speaker 3: this and I don't think, like if you're an uninformed voter,
Speaker 3: like your head's in the gitt mo like game so much,
Speaker 3: you're like wait, what, yeah he did what.
Speaker 2: That's so true. We really are in the era of
Speaker 2: like people the they're sort of an impenetrability of candidates
Speaker 2: and like people are not easily dissuaded, and like attack
Speaker 2: ads don't work on even like swing voters really, so
Speaker 2: it's like interesting that like, yeah, we're still framing things
Speaker 2: that way, but you're totally right, Like there's I think
Speaker 2: in the person who's who will change their stance based
Speaker 2: on that.
Speaker 3: I think it's just like a personal humiliation for DeSantis
Speaker 3: that he doesn't want to because I'm sure he probably
Speaker 3: knows how to, like he's maybe if he's probably avoided
Speaker 3: reckoning with it. So that's why he wants to avoid it,
Speaker 3: because at one time he was asked about it when
Speaker 3: he was like in Israel, fucking lost it lost.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do think his whole thing because I don't
Speaker 1: think there are that many voters for him, Like obviously
Speaker 1: they're in Florida for you know, his current position, but
Speaker 1: I think his whole momentum is like mainstream media personalities
Speaker 1: thinking he's an alternative to Trump, and in that respect
Speaker 1: it could be damaging because they're the sort of people
Speaker 1: who would give a shit about a story like this,
Speaker 1: you know. Obviously, like maybe his voters wouldn't be because
Speaker 1: he's running to the right of Trump.
Speaker 3: But right in which case, like I'm sorry, and this
Speaker 3: is so cynical, but you'd think that harming like Muslim
Speaker 3: detainees and Guantanamo Bay would be like a fucking badge
Speaker 3: of honner for these monsters. Yeah, where they're like, yeah,
Speaker 3: he did that exactly, that's my president type of shit.
Speaker 3: But I don't know that's where it's like so odd
Speaker 3: when we're like, wait, so, what is a level of
Speaker 3: cruelty that's acceptable to you?
Speaker 2: Yeah? And on the pill. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think his whole thing as of right now is
Speaker 1: just that the mainstream media takes him seriously as like
Speaker 1: what if Trump went to Harvard? Harvard a school that's
Speaker 1: five six. Yeah, but we're lifts, so you couldn't tell.
Speaker 2: Hey, they're fucking cowboy boots. They're not lifts.
Speaker 3: I don't put anything in here to make them lifts.
Speaker 3: They're just really high heeled cowboy boots. They naturally lift.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. Find a new angle. Find a new angle, asshole. Luke.
Speaker 1: Such a pleasure having you on the show where people
Speaker 1: where can people find you and follow you?
Speaker 2: Thank you guys for having me. Yeah, I'm I'm at
Speaker 2: all the stuff at Luke Monus M O N E S.
Speaker 2: And yeah, my album happening in my head on Spotify,
Speaker 2: iTunes and everywhere else. Thank you guys appreciate it.
Speaker 1: And is there a work Amedia that you've been enjoying?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 6: Wow, you know, like I tweet. Those are lifts. I
Speaker 6: mean those that's all. I justs boots and they look.
Speaker 3: Like, hey, they got to be a little bit high
Speaker 3: off man. Yeah, he looks like like he looks like
Speaker 3: like a time traveler, like fell into twenty twenty three
Speaker 3: and it's like i was Zoro's arch nemesis.
Speaker 2: But I'm gonna put this suit on. Someone finds me out, dude.
Speaker 2: The media I have to recommend that I've been enjoying
Speaker 2: lately is the picture that Miles just pulled up of
Speaker 2: yeahoy boots. Yeah, that's the media. I have to strongly
Speaker 2: recommend that has changed my life. They are so unnatural looking,
Speaker 2: it's crazy, that's sir. They should have little they should
Speaker 2: have fish tanks in them.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah right, because you imagine he goes to like
Speaker 3: a disco platform shoe next wow.
Speaker 2: Or like the Robert de Niro irishman shoe. Have you
Speaker 2: guys seen that? Oh yeah, the insane Oh he was
Speaker 2: in big lifts, dude. His the lifts were like He's
Speaker 2: just gonna fall over. He walked like he was going
Speaker 2: to fall over it. And well that's certainly true too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that one scene where he's supposed to like be
Speaker 1: a young menacing enforcer where he like walks down the
Speaker 1: street and oh yeah, holy shit.
Speaker 2: They are.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're like CRUs that somebody was like clone at
Speaker 1: Clone at Clonet, like just the most soul that any
Speaker 1: shoe has ever heard.
Speaker 2: My millennials will remember this. You remember rocket dog platform sandals?
Speaker 3: Uh that some of the the ladies out there and
Speaker 3: female female identifying homies was wearing that back then. Those
Speaker 3: they look exactly like rocket dog platforms, but with like
Speaker 3: a leather fucking I don't know whatever wingtip upper.
Speaker 2: I'm looking now. Oh yeah they Oh yeah remember those? Yes, yes, Jack,
Speaker 2: you remember those without me saying them. Do you remember
Speaker 2: rocket dogs? No? I don't remember those at all. You've
Speaker 2: never seen this like a rocket dog? Yeah, Like this
Speaker 2: was like standard footwear. I felt like in the early
Speaker 2: as I've seen them more recently than that. They're coming back.
Speaker 2: Baby rocks and rocket dogs and you can eat a
Speaker 2: rocket dog. It does sound like they should be like
Speaker 2: you know ice cream bars that you can get from
Speaker 2: the ice cream Oh, like a rocket dog? Rocket dogs?
Speaker 2: I think I had one of those in the Dodgers
Speaker 2: game yesterday.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, Miles, Where can people find you? What is
Speaker 1: the work media you've been enjoying. Find me on Twitter,
Speaker 1: Instagram at Miles of Gray.
Speaker 3: If you like basketball talk, check Jack and I out
Speaker 3: on our basketball podcast Miles and Jack got mad as
Speaker 3: we discussed the NBA. Fine, if you want to hear
Speaker 3: me talk shit about reality TV, then check out four
Speaker 3: twenty Day Fiance with Sophia, Alexandra and I. Now let's
Speaker 3: see the thing. I'm just gonna keep saying it because
Speaker 3: people keep have been tweeting, like, what's that reality show?
Speaker 3: I was kept talking about Siren on Netflix, the Korean
Speaker 3: reality competition show, which is like next level Capture the Flag.
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna say, if you like Capture the Flag,
Speaker 3: it's it's just it's just so it's it's such a
Speaker 3: nuts reality show that I'm.
Speaker 2: Just gonna say, if you have time, check that out.
Speaker 2: It sounds great. Yeah. I love to Capture the Flag
Speaker 2: when I was a kid. Oh yeah, It's it's like
Speaker 2: I felt like that was like the purest like form
Speaker 2: of of competition, like in school when it's like we're
Speaker 2: gonna split the class in half and you guys run
Speaker 2: at each other and take the fucking flag the best. Uh.
Speaker 1: A couple tweets I've been enjoying Small Cat one. Small
Speaker 1: Cat tweeted, they don't id me at the liquor store
Speaker 1: anymore because they see the light has left my eyes.
Speaker 2: I've had that thought. I'm like, what, Wow, what changed? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Why no more ID? I think it's like posture two.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, like I remember when I was young
Speaker 3: buying out club like hey, like even like when I
Speaker 3: was like twenty one, I'm like, I was like yeah,
Speaker 3: and now I'm like, man, just fucking ring it up, dude.
Speaker 1: And Ben Rosen at Ben Underscore. Rosen tweeted the Grimace's
Speaker 1: birthday image and new, I guess it's Verry flavored new
Speaker 1: Berry flavored Grim's milkshake. Celebrations starts six twelve, and then
Speaker 1: pointed out a June twelfth birthday suggests Grimace may have
Speaker 1: been conceived on September eleventh.
Speaker 2: This is just something that everybody should keep in mind
Speaker 2: as we're celebrating. Oh never forget.
Speaker 1: You can find me on Twitter at Jack Underscore. O'Brien,
Speaker 1: you can find us on Twitter at daily Zeitgeist. We're
Speaker 1: at v daily Zeitgeist on Instagram. We have a Facebook
Speaker 1: fan page and a website. Daily zeikeis dot com, where
Speaker 1: we post our episodes and our footnopes. We link off
Speaker 1: to the information that we talked about in today's episode,
Speaker 1: as well as a song that.
Speaker 2: We think you might enjoy it.
Speaker 3: Okay, So this is from a Lebanese group called Samir
Speaker 3: in a boot abb o ud and I found it
Speaker 3: on this There's like these compilation albums that are really good.
Speaker 2: It's called the bb Funk and I've.
Speaker 3: I've pulled tracks from these compilations before. This one is
Speaker 3: called Games, and the vibe is like they're singing in
Speaker 3: English but they're like they fail. It feels like a
Speaker 3: Lebanese Steely Dan or something, because this song's from nineteen
Speaker 3: eighty three and it's got kind of like the same
Speaker 3: sort of like syncopated sort of like jazzy shit going on,
Speaker 3: but with like super easy lyrics. So this is Games
Speaker 3: from the Lebanese duo Samir.
Speaker 2: And I'll boot check that all right. We will link
Speaker 2: off to that in the footnote.
Speaker 1: The Daily Zeikes is a production of iHeartRadio. For more
Speaker 1: podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast,
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 2: That is gonna do it for us this morning, back
Speaker 2: this afternoon to tell you what is trending, and we
Speaker 2: will talk to y'all then. Bye bye,