Speaker 1: This is Teddy Teapot Within. Hi guys, thanks for joining
Speaker 1: me again this week. So the question is the social
Speaker 1: media a friend of me? What is it actually doing
Speaker 1: to us? You know, in one of the last podcasts
Speaker 1: we talked about addiction and the social media and addiction.
Speaker 1: Sometimes when I look at my phone and it tells
Speaker 1: me how many hours I've actually been on my phone,
Speaker 1: I don't even want to look at it. And then
Speaker 1: I tried justifying it and saying, oh, well, it's because
Speaker 1: my business is on is on the phone, so that's why.
Speaker 1: But it still makes me feel bad, like I cannot
Speaker 1: believe I am spending this much time on my phone.
Speaker 1: So we are going to have a group of people
Speaker 1: coming in to uncover all sides of social media. We're
Speaker 1: going to start with having Dr Hillary Goldscher on and
Speaker 1: she is going to help us talk about the dangers
Speaker 1: of social media. As you have seen, Instagram has put
Speaker 1: us all into a frenzy because it's taking away our likes.
Speaker 1: What's going to happen next? Does this matter? Is this helpful?
Speaker 1: I need to know it all? So I'm excited for
Speaker 1: this episode. We are going to have so many people on.
Speaker 1: I'm actually gonna have Dr Hillary goldcher on with me
Speaker 1: the entire time because I want to have a psychologist
Speaker 1: view on all of the topics. We are also going
Speaker 1: to have Jamie Kidd who is an influencer, and Alexis Haynes.
Speaker 1: She has a podcast called Recovering from Reality and she
Speaker 1: has a really crazy story, but also she has kids,
Speaker 1: so I want to dig into that. And we also
Speaker 1: have Rich Dumuro who is a tech genius. He knows
Speaker 1: everything on tech, so we're gonna have to drill him
Speaker 1: as well. I'm here with Dr Goldscher right now and
Speaker 1: she is a psychologist who specializes in mental health, which
Speaker 1: I feel like social media is affecting so many of
Speaker 1: our mental health issues. What are your thoughts. It's so
Speaker 1: interesting when I was kind of anticipating talking about this,
Speaker 1: that that discussion in my private practice is so ubiquitous,
Speaker 1: like the anxiety, depression, feelings of shame that come up
Speaker 1: when one peruses social media and feels kind of an
Speaker 1: obligation to participate and yet feels worse when participating, and
Speaker 1: this vicious cycle ensues. And there's been a number of studies,
Speaker 1: like empirical studies that show there's a direct link between
Speaker 1: an increase in depression and anxiety, feelings of shame diminished
Speaker 1: self forth related to social media for sure. And do
Speaker 1: you think social media is helping or hurting our real
Speaker 1: life social interaction? You know, I mean, I think there's
Speaker 1: an argument to be made on both sides that's worth exploring.
Speaker 1: I think on the macro level, it's hard to deny
Speaker 1: that it's not hurting our interactions. It's so much easier
Speaker 1: to kind of it's a cliche, but to hide behind
Speaker 1: a screen and to present a sort of persona to
Speaker 1: the world, and then to minimize our desire or interest
Speaker 1: or even like our ability to interact with other people.
Speaker 1: So I think it it It diminishes connection and reduces
Speaker 1: the skills that, like our young people have to actually
Speaker 1: be out in the world and connect with each other. Well,
Speaker 1: that leads me to our next question. Do you how
Speaker 1: young do you think it's too young for kids to
Speaker 1: have social media? I'm like sixteen, maybe the earliest really,
Speaker 1: But I mean I will look on social media and
Speaker 1: I will see kids that are like fourteen and they
Speaker 1: look twenty five years old and these sexy poses, and
Speaker 1: I am like panicked for my kids. And in part
Speaker 1: and this is kind of a weighted statement, but it's
Speaker 1: a parental issue. I mean, I get that there are
Speaker 1: ways to circumvent parents, you know, and to post and
Speaker 1: do things that parents don't know about, but it's really
Speaker 1: a parental responsibility to monitor that stuff and shut it down. If,
Speaker 1: like you're talking about, you know, young females projecting that
Speaker 1: kind of kind of image into the world, it's dangerous
Speaker 1: for many many reasons. Yeah, I know, what would you
Speaker 1: say the positives are? I mean, I look, I think
Speaker 1: it's it's really interesting and and and kind of cool
Speaker 1: for young people to have like an entrepreneurial you know,
Speaker 1: kind of avenue and to run their own little business
Speaker 1: so to speak. And I have a lot of colleagues, friends, etcetera,
Speaker 1: whose young kids, you know, make their own jewelry on
Speaker 1: Instagram and sell it that way, or who love to
Speaker 1: play the violin and demonstrate that in a kind of
Speaker 1: a cool way. Like, I think there's something about it
Speaker 1: that allows as a platform for folks to show themselves
Speaker 1: and that can be really interesting and fun. I mean,
Speaker 1: I can say for myself, I changed my life through
Speaker 1: social media because I was really struggling and I felt
Speaker 1: very alone when I was struggling with being healthy, and
Speaker 1: I said, you know, I started a new Instagram. I
Speaker 1: used to share one with my husband. I just said, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm changing my life today. Follow along if you're interested
Speaker 1: to see if I can do it, you know. So
Speaker 1: I used it to kind of hold me accountable, and
Speaker 1: then that ended up starting an entire business for me
Speaker 1: after I changed my life because yes, I had people
Speaker 1: rooting me on, but I also had people following me
Speaker 1: because they wanted to see if I was going to fail. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Well you bring up another point, which is the possibility
Speaker 1: of reaching other people in a positive way and inspiring them,
Speaker 1: motivating them, connecting with them in like a significant way.
Speaker 1: Like you're talking about, it's a huge thing that wasn't
Speaker 1: available to us before. Sure, you felt really alone, and
Speaker 1: then you realized when you post something and there's so
Speaker 1: many people that responding, I feel that same exact way.
Speaker 1: Thank you for saying I felt so alone or whatever
Speaker 1: it is. So that feels good. But then, on that
Speaker 1: same token, how do we shield our kids or even
Speaker 1: shield ourselves from bullying on social media. I'm not sure
Speaker 1: there's a way to fix it, because the platform itself,
Speaker 1: you know, part of what's so nice about it is
Speaker 1: that you can connect with a lot of people quickly,
Speaker 1: and part of what's not so nice about it is
Speaker 1: that you can connect with a lot of people quickly,
Speaker 1: So negative things can come to us. And I think
Speaker 1: we have to be really strong with our kids and
Speaker 1: ourselves about staying grounded and centered in who we are.
Speaker 1: We're going to put ourselves out there that that is
Speaker 1: a possibility, and it's one of the negatives and one
Speaker 1: of the reasons, you know, circle back to where we began.
Speaker 1: Why there's depression, anxiety, and upset that can come social media.
Speaker 1: How much time do you think is healthy to spend
Speaker 1: on social media a day? That's a good question. I mean, look,
Speaker 1: I think as if you're a youngster, you know, under eighteen,
Speaker 1: that it should be absolutely less than an hour. I mean,
Speaker 1: to me, thirty minutes to an hour would be more
Speaker 1: than enough. It's part of your business. You know. That's
Speaker 1: kind of a different analysis, But to me, it goes
Speaker 1: along with screen time. So if we think of social
Speaker 1: media screen time and you're monitoring your kids screen time,
Speaker 1: maybe like an hour. Yeah, but kids aren't the only issues.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'll look at my phone and how much time
Speaker 1: I was on my phone each day, and I'm like, uh,
Speaker 1: that is a problem. I don't even want to see that.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Phone for letting me know I'm turning you over.
Speaker 1: I think tech abuse is a whole other issue. Adult
Speaker 1: tech abuse is a whole other issue that needs to
Speaker 1: be explored because I I've done a recent self check
Speaker 1: on myself realizing I have young kids and realizing that
Speaker 1: there was too much multitasking with a phone in my hand,
Speaker 1: and that not being fully present is a big deal.
Speaker 1: And so I think we have to keep ourselves accountable
Speaker 1: and that we have tech free time with our kids
Speaker 1: and with our spouses or partners and with our friends,
Speaker 1: like legitimate tech free time, and that's almost non existent
Speaker 1: when you just kind of look around people moving through
Speaker 1: the world, for sure. Well let's bring in Jamie Kid.
Speaker 1: She is a huge influence start travel blogger and model.
Speaker 1: So thanks for joining us this week. Hey guys, you're like, what,
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, So let's let's break this down. Can
Speaker 1: you give us a little backstory? How did this start?
Speaker 1: You're an influencer full time, right, and my husband is
Speaker 1: as well now, so he wasn't before, and now I
Speaker 1: kind of brought him into the world and it's like
Speaker 1: it's great. I mean, I love it. So I've been
Speaker 1: I've been doing it for seven years now. I started
Speaker 1: kind of, I guess it. Instagram really started when I
Speaker 1: was in college, so it kind of the app came
Speaker 1: about and I was like, what is this? And I
Speaker 1: just kind of started you posted whatever you wanted back
Speaker 1: then with the Instagram filter, you know, and like no
Speaker 1: one really cared about it. And then after college I
Speaker 1: kind of just started posting my outfits and then from
Speaker 1: there it just kind of grew slowly to like what
Speaker 1: it is now. And I started traveling because my husband's Australian,
Speaker 1: so I started going to Australia and then that started
Speaker 1: the travel part, and then from there it just kind
Speaker 1: of became what it is now. So for those that
Speaker 1: you know aren't familiar with what exactly an influencer is,
Speaker 1: like what does it take to be an influencer? How
Speaker 1: much time are you putting into it? Like are you
Speaker 1: fully having to curate your life on Instagram? I mean yeah,
Speaker 1: and I like I deal with the stress of like
Speaker 1: I start to feel guilty after a couple of hours
Speaker 1: if I have it posted a story, or if I
Speaker 1: like a certain time of the day I haven't posted
Speaker 1: my photo or stuff like that, like I do end
Speaker 1: up going, oh, I need to get up early today
Speaker 1: so that I can like do these stories that I
Speaker 1: wanted to do, or because I need to go, you know,
Speaker 1: do certain things throughout the day that like, I can't
Speaker 1: just sit on the couch all day because like everyone thinks, oh,
Speaker 1: you have all your free time, and then if I
Speaker 1: sat out sat around all day, like people would not
Speaker 1: be interested in my page or something. You know, you
Speaker 1: have to always be like interesting throughout the day, if
Speaker 1: that makes any sense, and it stresses you out, like
Speaker 1: whereas if you have a regular job, like a nine
Speaker 1: to five, there are moments where you can kind of
Speaker 1: check out and nobody really knows what you're doing. And
Speaker 1: you're an influencer, like you have to be on and yeah,
Speaker 1: and you have to think of things to be like
Speaker 1: keeping people interested in your page and kind of what
Speaker 1: you're doing all day long. So how do you know,
Speaker 1: So somebody is following a bunch of influencers, how do
Speaker 1: you know if an influencer actually likes the things that
Speaker 1: they're promoting. I feel, I mean, I feel like again,
Speaker 1: like I post so much throughout like the day and
Speaker 1: stuff that I feel like you can genuinely see things
Speaker 1: that I like or I don't like. Like if I
Speaker 1: randomly posted like something that was so far out of
Speaker 1: my realm, you could tell if I probably didn't like
Speaker 1: it or not. Or if I'm like genuinely posting it
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden it's like a paid thing,
Speaker 1: you'd be like, oh, I've seen her posting a lot
Speaker 1: about hair stuff or skin stuff, so yeah, that like
Speaker 1: makes sense. But if it's like randomly, you know, I
Speaker 1: can't even think of something like that. I just doesn't
Speaker 1: Brandy very off brand, and I feel like I just
Speaker 1: didn't make sense. Then I'm like, I don't trust you
Speaker 1: because I've seen it even change a little bit because
Speaker 1: now you'll see influencers they're not even having to really
Speaker 1: talk about the product. They'll like do a funny little
Speaker 1: quote and then just like tag the brand and I'm like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: plugged in right there, I see what I see you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, I feel like like i'd like I only
Speaker 1: take on stuff that I feel like is aligned because
Speaker 1: at this point, like with my page, I don't want
Speaker 1: my followers to not trust me anymore and not to
Speaker 1: feel like, oh, she's just doing this to get paid.
Speaker 1: So you have to like also think about the other
Speaker 1: end of like people watching you, and you have to
Speaker 1: know that, like they're not going to trust you if
Speaker 1: you post something that's so far out of your realm
Speaker 1: that they'll be like, oh, I'm not going to trust
Speaker 1: her anymore. I don't want and then you you know,
Speaker 1: you lose your followers. Essentially. I made that mistake once
Speaker 1: I posted something I wasn't super into and I got killed,
Speaker 1: like they knew like phony below so bad. I was like,
Speaker 1: and I don't ever make me do that. Why did
Speaker 1: I say I've learned my lessons? And I was like
Speaker 1: right at the beginning, and I was like, I will
Speaker 1: never do that again. I'm only going to talk about
Speaker 1: things that I actually like. It's people are is very
Speaker 1: like smart these days. Followers aren't just like buying everything
Speaker 1: you post. They want to feel like you genuinely like
Speaker 1: it as well, and they've seen it correlate with your brand,
Speaker 1: so they're you know, they're smart. They're smart. I'm figuring
Speaker 1: it out and they know you're they know a part
Speaker 1: of you exactly how much time do you spend on
Speaker 1: social media day and would you ever consider it an
Speaker 1: addiction just a job. Yeah, I'm addicted to Like I'm
Speaker 1: even addicted to other girls like what they're doing and
Speaker 1: I'm like, they haven't posted in a few hours. What
Speaker 1: are they doing? Why do I not know what's going
Speaker 1: on in their day? Like I am guilty of it
Speaker 1: as well, like on the followers end, So I mean,
Speaker 1: but I spend a lot of time on the back end,
Speaker 1: like shooting stuff, editing, making videos, like you know, all
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff, So I don't I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: pretty much on social media all day long because it
Speaker 1: is my job. So like I kind of justified my mind.
Speaker 1: Everyone's out there nine to five, soe five, I should
Speaker 1: be working as well. Like I even I wake up
Speaker 1: at four or five am, and I like do my
Speaker 1: workouts and I post those like I'm pretty much like
Speaker 1: sixteen hour days, which is fine, Like I love it,
Speaker 1: and it's it's like semi easy in a sense because
Speaker 1: like I've been doing it for so long, so it's
Speaker 1: kind of just my daily thing now. So have you
Speaker 1: noticed any difference now that Instagram isn't really isn't showing
Speaker 1: the likes or has that happened happened to me? It
Speaker 1: doesn't happened to me either, and I genuinely like to
Speaker 1: see likes and like for me, when company, like when
Speaker 1: all the likes go away, it's going to be more
Speaker 1: annoying for me to have to screenshot things send it
Speaker 1: to companies like I already have to do that with
Speaker 1: all my analytics. So now when you add in more
Speaker 1: screenshots that I have to email over whereas they can
Speaker 1: normally just go see it, it's just adding like another step,
Speaker 1: which is so now I have to ask you, Dr Goldcher,
Speaker 1: do you think that's kind of adds to our addiction
Speaker 1: that we want to see the likes or that we
Speaker 1: need to see the likes, or that's some kind of
Speaker 1: validation to us or to the you know, brands, or
Speaker 1: of course, I mean, where else do we get such
Speaker 1: a tangible like evaluation of ourselves. I feel like it's
Speaker 1: a little bit of a a positive criticism also bad.
Speaker 1: But if a photo doesn't do well, and then I
Speaker 1: kind of go, oh, you know what, I kind of
Speaker 1: that deserve to not do very well because I didn't
Speaker 1: like make it really creative or I didn't really like
Speaker 1: to do the best that I probably could have. Like
Speaker 1: I feel like your followers followers also know like when
Speaker 1: you when you're half asking it. Yeah, no, seriously, And
Speaker 1: it keeps you accountable because I could just sit here
Speaker 1: and stand in front of a white wall, take my photo,
Speaker 1: post it and be done. But like if it won't
Speaker 1: do well because it's not like a beautiful backdrop or
Speaker 1: stuff that I'm really really good at, because maybe I
Speaker 1: just got lazy that day and just wanted to get
Speaker 1: that thing over with. And so it keeps you accountable
Speaker 1: as well, like on the creative side, to not half
Speaker 1: ask your content. But I think that's a really interesting
Speaker 1: nuanced viewpoint, right, is that it is your career. Yeah
Speaker 1: it is, and you're gauging part of the likes and
Speaker 1: lack of likes related to the creativity and the art
Speaker 1: that you're putting in. Yeah, exactly, because some of my
Speaker 1: most like liked photos are the most creative photos I've
Speaker 1: ever created, so obviously, like that resonates with followers that like, wow,
Speaker 1: like you really like did it? Like you made like
Speaker 1: a really artistic, beautiful photo. Obviously, the ad photos don't
Speaker 1: do very well because you can't do like a creative
Speaker 1: something with like a purse or whatever you know you can,
Speaker 1: but yeah, like followers are more appreciative of the creative stuff.
Speaker 1: So then that like gears me to do more creative
Speaker 1: and like really work hard for those posts because I
Speaker 1: wanted to do well so well. That leads me to
Speaker 1: the next question. So I know, for myself, I will
Speaker 1: read all the comments when it's on my actual post,
Speaker 1: but I don't go into my d M s. That's
Speaker 1: like a deep, dark, dirty place for me. I'm like, like,
Speaker 1: go in. But I'm also on a TV show where
Speaker 1: people have like big opinions, and I'm like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I don't really need all of those opinions. Do you go?
Speaker 1: Do you look at all of the d my d
Speaker 1: M s are answered all day long? I cannot have
Speaker 1: a re crust. It bothers me to no end to
Speaker 1: go to sleep with any requests in there I answer
Speaker 1: or I decline creepy ones. But like I answer every
Speaker 1: single one of my followers all day long, and it's
Speaker 1: like another level of an influence that I don't know
Speaker 1: because for me, I'm like a TV personality or health coach,
Speaker 1: so I don't have to do that. And I like
Speaker 1: have to protect myself. Yeah see, and I guess I
Speaker 1: get mean stuff too. And I really like I keep
Speaker 1: my page very like Switzerland. It's very you know, I
Speaker 1: don't must be well. I try so that I don't
Speaker 1: get you know, political opinions are your religion. I don't
Speaker 1: get a lot of that backlash in my page. I
Speaker 1: keep it very like you know, middle ground, so that
Speaker 1: I don't get a lot of the mean stuff. But
Speaker 1: I have people who like I have cats, and people
Speaker 1: decide something I did my cats a little overweight? Oh
Speaker 1: I had, you know, And I'm like get await, Like
Speaker 1: I know, I get really upset when people comment anything
Speaker 1: about my kids. I'm like blocked. I'm like, would you
Speaker 1: like somebody to say that about your kid? No? So yeah,
Speaker 1: I get the block a few. But I spend all
Speaker 1: day long talking to my followers answering questions. Is because
Speaker 1: I want them to trust me. And I'm just a
Speaker 1: normal person, like I'm not over here on my high horse,
Speaker 1: like I'm too busy for you. Like I like, I
Speaker 1: spent a couple of hours before bed answering everyone just
Speaker 1: to make sure that like stuff like answers you know,
Speaker 1: are answered. So you have to be honest, here, do
Speaker 1: you ever post photos without using a filter? Alternation? Looking
Speaker 1: at you, you are beautiful and you have like amazing skin.
Speaker 1: So like I have to ask you, Dr Gouldcher, like,
Speaker 1: what is it in us that we as a community
Speaker 1: do this? Like I will even the girls here, no,
Speaker 1: when we take our pictures, I'm like, hey, subtle filter please.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's just this this human balance I suppose
Speaker 1: of all of us wanting to put our best foot forward,
Speaker 1: and I think there's a healthy aspect to it, and
Speaker 1: knowing that we're going to be evaluated, you know, or
Speaker 1: responded to. In such a huge domain, it's hard not
Speaker 1: to have level of insecurity or anxiety and wanting to
Speaker 1: kind of shure up what we're putting out in the
Speaker 1: world to guard against. But it's crazy. Anytime I post
Speaker 1: a photo where I have no makeup on and no
Speaker 1: filter and I'm just like, hey guy, you know whatever
Speaker 1: it is, Everybody's like, thank you, God, thank you for
Speaker 1: posting now, oh wow, you actually have red skin? You
Speaker 1: know whatever it is because looking at things, are looking
Speaker 1: at a you know, an influencer, You're like, wow, their
Speaker 1: life is perfect. There's they've never had a blemish. They've
Speaker 1: never had this. You know, it's very hard for somebody
Speaker 1: at home who maybe doesn't know how to use all
Speaker 1: these filters. Well, you're revealing like the seduction of like
Speaker 1: the pull towards the perfection and the beautiful that like
Speaker 1: we all respond to, even well, I would even say,
Speaker 1: like my page is like the perfect beautiful side my stories.
Speaker 1: I'm over here with my face mask on and I
Speaker 1: like never have makeup on and half my stories and
Speaker 1: I'm like in my pajamas, Like okay, perfect that you're
Speaker 1: giving the balance. Yeah, so people see that like I'm
Speaker 1: a bum when I'm at home and then when I'm
Speaker 1: on like you know, in a pretty photo, like obviously
Speaker 1: I worked hard for that, but like I added them
Speaker 1: to like make the clothes look really good and to
Speaker 1: like bring out colors and stuff like that. But I
Speaker 1: don't do you think that we should be required to
Speaker 1: tell our followers when there's a filter or face tune
Speaker 1: or whatever on anything, Like it's pretty obvious if you're
Speaker 1: like honest, aren't they don't think it's obvious? Like I
Speaker 1: don't post a photo with like the subtle filter and
Speaker 1: everyone's like, how is your skin so smooth? And I
Speaker 1: read back the subtle filter. It even says the filter
Speaker 1: at the top, like sometimes you're like, come on, I'm like,
Speaker 1: how are your lashes so long? I'm like, it says
Speaker 1: I lashed exactly. They're giving us away, like do your research, guys,
Speaker 1: No one's perfect. Um, how do you so? How do
Speaker 1: you deal with any of the negativity? I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna lie. It does get to me. I've had
Speaker 1: a few, you know, upsetting d M s recently, or
Speaker 1: someone's like, oh, your voice is so annoying, or like
Speaker 1: why don't you put makeup on you look like like
Speaker 1: I've had people say that, and I'm just like I
Speaker 1: either block it and I get upset and it sticks
Speaker 1: with me like I can't help it. It does as
Speaker 1: a human. Negativity does, like stick with you in any
Speaker 1: type of criticism. So I'll block them or I'll be like, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm really sorry that you're having a bad
Speaker 1: day and you're projecting it on me, but I really
Speaker 1: hope your day gets better and like you spread positivity.
Speaker 1: That's what I'll say sometimes and then they'll read it
Speaker 1: and then I block them because I don't want any response,
Speaker 1: but I just want to share that, like, you know,
Speaker 1: you don't have to sit here and fight back with
Speaker 1: people and like whatever, either block it and just drop
Speaker 1: it or say something nice back and maybe it'll change
Speaker 1: their day and make them a nicer person. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: used to say nice things back, but then people would
Speaker 1: be like, I hope you die. And I was like,
Speaker 1: and why do the people that always say the mean things?
Speaker 1: Why is it just like an animal in their profile
Speaker 1: picture or like no photos and you're like someone you're
Speaker 1: somebody that hates me? You know, you know what you're not.
Speaker 1: You're not fooling. And now that the likes have changed,
Speaker 1: and I've even heard that some of the following, they
Speaker 1: may end up changing it so your followers go away.
Speaker 1: I know, I know. Do you ever fear that, like
Speaker 1: your job slash life of an influencer will go away?
Speaker 1: And it's like a constant fear of mine always. But
Speaker 1: I also feel like, like, yeah, I'm terrified all the time,
Speaker 1: like oh what if Instagram? Because there was like a
Speaker 1: couple of months ago when Instagram was like frozen for
Speaker 1: like two days. You guys remember that every influencer was
Speaker 1: like brushing up on their resume, like what have I
Speaker 1: done in the last six years, like oh my god,
Speaker 1: you know, but yeah, it's scary. But I also feel
Speaker 1: like I'm also trying to monetize other avenues like YouTube
Speaker 1: and you know, I have a jewelry company, so I'm
Speaker 1: like really focusing on those as well, so that if
Speaker 1: Instagram ever craps out, I have other stuff that I've
Speaker 1: been working on. And I didn't put all my eggs
Speaker 1: into like one basket, which is like what a lot
Speaker 1: of girls do. And then someone's account gets hacked and
Speaker 1: they lose all their followers. What do you have? Like,
Speaker 1: you have nothing? So I try to kind of keep
Speaker 1: other avenues going at the same time. So we have
Speaker 1: to take a little break, but I want to say
Speaker 1: thank you so much to Jamie. If you guys want
Speaker 1: to follow along, I mean I have, and I'm obsessed.
Speaker 1: It's Jamie and Kid. So Jamie's going to stick around
Speaker 1: and do some rapid Fire. But we're also bringing on
Speaker 1: Alexis Haynes. She has a podcast called Recovering from Reality.
Speaker 1: She also has a book coming out on December three.
Speaker 1: Her story is incredible. I'm going to bring her back
Speaker 1: at the end for some rapid fire questions. Okay, guys,
Speaker 1: now we are here with Alexis Haynes, who has a
Speaker 1: book coming out called Recovering from Reality. Y'all know I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be needed to read this. Who also, Um, Alexis
Speaker 1: has kiddos and very interesting backstory, So let's get right
Speaker 1: into it. I'm ready, you're ready. Can you give us
Speaker 1: a little history for some of our listeners that I
Speaker 1: don't know your story? I know every little from Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so a lot of people know me because I had
Speaker 1: a reality TV show called Pretty Wild on E in
Speaker 1: two thousan ten and I became kind of a part
Speaker 1: of pop culture history. Um when I had an epic meltdown.
Speaker 1: My sister said to me the other day, which I
Speaker 1: think is so funny. She goes, it was like you
Speaker 1: were having a Brittany moment on every episode, And that's
Speaker 1: really what it was like. It was like just NonStop
Speaker 1: chaos because on the second day of filming, I was
Speaker 1: arrested for the blingering. So it was like I signed
Speaker 1: a show up for a show with E that was
Speaker 1: supposed to be about something totally different. Then on the
Speaker 1: second day of filming, literally we were out all night
Speaker 1: partying with Mickey Avalon getting super loaded having the best
Speaker 1: time ever on the top of the world, and then
Speaker 1: the next morning at about six am, door knocks and
Speaker 1: it's like a swat team like there to arrest me.
Speaker 1: So I my case as a I think at that time,
Speaker 1: I was eighteen and eighteen year old heroin Addict on
Speaker 1: national television for nine months, and it was brutal. You're
Speaker 1: starting to make me feel less stressed. You're fine, really,
Speaker 1: You're fine. No, no, no no, that's not to say everybody
Speaker 1: has their struggles. For me, it was like a life
Speaker 1: of chaos. I grew up in a family that was
Speaker 1: really dysfunctional. There was incests that was going on. I
Speaker 1: was being raped when I was like five years old.
Speaker 1: My um parents divorced when I was three. My dad
Speaker 1: was in the entertainment industry and then lost it all
Speaker 1: and became homeless by the time I was like eleven
Speaker 1: um and I was raped again at sixteen, I was
Speaker 1: abused by babysitters, by my dad's girlfriends. I mean, it
Speaker 1: was like just NonStop chaos. And then I graduated high school.
Speaker 1: I got my g e d at sixteen, and I
Speaker 1: left the house and I was like, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: become like a um music video girl. That was my goal.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm just going to become like music
Speaker 1: video girl right like this, this is going to be
Speaker 1: like my new thing. And then before you know it, Um,
Speaker 1: I had my own reality TV show, which is really
Speaker 1: crazy to me, and it documented all of that. It
Speaker 1: documented Yeah, well it didn't show like any of my
Speaker 1: previous trauma because I wasn't ready to dive into that yet. Um.
Speaker 1: I was still very much so in like the survival mode,
Speaker 1: coping and using mode, so I didn't have any like perspective.
Speaker 1: And because you have suffered from drug addiction, would you
Speaker 1: say that social media can be that same type of
Speaker 1: addiction or oh yeah, um, I think that people all
Speaker 1: often don't realize that. Um, any time that we're checking
Speaker 1: out and trying to distract ourselves rather than checking in
Speaker 1: being present. Um wow, we just really went through that fast.
Speaker 1: I did that just kind of all caught up with
Speaker 1: me and I was like, okay, wow, like here we are. Yeah. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: So I think that any time that I'm using anything
Speaker 1: um as a crutch or a distraction, it's like I'm
Speaker 1: trying to not be present in my body like where
Speaker 1: I'm at, you know. And so I say something that
Speaker 1: on my podcast a lot that I think is pretty controversial,
Speaker 1: but it shouldn't be. Like, in a weird way, we're
Speaker 1: all addicted to something these days, and it's because we're
Speaker 1: so disconnected from each other and we idolize and place
Speaker 1: the individual as being more important as the collective and
Speaker 1: so as a species, like, we were never able to
Speaker 1: survive like that, and so we always had to operate
Speaker 1: in tribes and so now we're operating as individuals, right,
Speaker 1: and we're placing so much focus on the individual, and
Speaker 1: so we're seeing depression rates skyrocketing, um abuse rates skyrocketing,
Speaker 1: drug addictions skyrocketing. And you can be addicted to your phone,
Speaker 1: to sex, to working out, to working to drugs, to alcohol,
Speaker 1: to relationships, to people, to whatever it might be. It's
Speaker 1: really easy to want to check out and that same token,
Speaker 1: I mean, I saw your post from today where you're
Speaker 1: able to kind of share your history but also help others,
Speaker 1: and that do you find that though, as a positive
Speaker 1: to the social media, that you're able to help change
Speaker 1: people's lives by just a post. Yeah, I think it's
Speaker 1: um As I was walking in here, I'm sorry in
Speaker 1: my head and my phone somebody, it's somebody DM me
Speaker 1: and goes I heard your interview on Juicy Scoop and
Speaker 1: I decided to quit smoking OxyS every day and I've
Speaker 1: completely got off pain pills because of that interview. And
Speaker 1: I get these messages literally all day long, and people
Speaker 1: ask me often like do you regret your past? Do
Speaker 1: you if you could take it all back and just
Speaker 1: have a fresh start with you. My answers always and
Speaker 1: will always be no, because despite the fact that it's
Speaker 1: been really painful for me and other people that I've harmed,
Speaker 1: obviously I'm now able to help the masses in a
Speaker 1: weird way. And that's not to like toot my own
Speaker 1: horn or to sound like not humble. I'm just saying
Speaker 1: that social media for me and and my podcast and
Speaker 1: going on podcasts like this and having this platform allows
Speaker 1: me to have dialogue with people where it's like, if
Speaker 1: you've been raped as a child, you can survive it.
Speaker 1: If you've been raped as a team, you can survive it.
Speaker 1: If you've dealt with divorce, you can survive it. If
Speaker 1: you've dealt with addiction, you can survive it. If I
Speaker 1: could survive it on national television in front of millions
Speaker 1: of people every single week. You can too. But not
Speaker 1: only that, you're also able to be open and vulnerable
Speaker 1: and talk and feeling. That came with a lot of
Speaker 1: time when I so what I ended up having. I
Speaker 1: took a plea deal because I was like, I can't
Speaker 1: fight a trial on while I'm shooting a para one
Speaker 1: every day, Like it's just not doable. So I took
Speaker 1: a plea deal and I went to jail for a summer.
Speaker 1: And when I um got out of jail, I could
Speaker 1: clearly see that, like my relationship with drugs was really unhealthy. However,
Speaker 1: I didn't have any tools to deal with all of
Speaker 1: the trauma that I had been through, So I went
Speaker 1: back to drinking and smoking pot, and I was like,
Speaker 1: this is fine, Like I can handle this. I have
Speaker 1: always been able to just have a glass of wine
Speaker 1: with dinner or one drink with dinner, It'll be okay. Well,
Speaker 1: within two weeks I was back to shooting at Prouin
Speaker 1: and I was arrested again December one, two thousand tents.
Speaker 1: So we're coming up nine years, which is crazy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was arrested again, and by the grace of God,
Speaker 1: I was facing six years in prison because I violated
Speaker 1: my probation and the judge gave me a second chance
Speaker 1: at life and he sent me to treatment. And so
Speaker 1: I totally got lost off track what your question was.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, but but it's very interesting. I mean,
Speaker 1: but I I we were just talking about addiction, and
Speaker 1: know what I mean, It is what it is. But
Speaker 1: I think it's so interesting that social media can be
Speaker 1: such a positive in so many ways but also can
Speaker 1: be such a negative. Oh, that's where I was going.
Speaker 1: So I made a conscious choice when I went to
Speaker 1: rehab that I was not going to do anymore. I
Speaker 1: was going to stay out of entertainment because I had
Speaker 1: seen so many people before me do that and suck
Speaker 1: up not I shouldn't say up relapse, and for me,
Speaker 1: I knew I was going to die like that was it,
Speaker 1: Like I've overdosed, I'm shooting up heroin. At this point, um,
Speaker 1: I am abusing myself, my body and others Like I
Speaker 1: knew that this was game over for me, and so
Speaker 1: I made a conscious decision that staying away from UM
Speaker 1: this arena was important for me. So I did that,
Speaker 1: and then in the last kind of couple of years,
Speaker 1: I felt this calling to return, but in my own way,
Speaker 1: and I could not stand by and watch the statistics
Speaker 1: keep going up and up and up. We're now at
Speaker 1: over eighty thou people a year dying of drugs and
Speaker 1: I'll call dragon alcohol related deaths and um mental illness
Speaker 1: and is on the rise to and just sit by
Speaker 1: and like, you know, continue to be a housewife, which
Speaker 1: was great, right, like because another big mission of mine,
Speaker 1: among the millions of others, is to break the generational
Speaker 1: trauma curse that's been happening my family for generations. And
Speaker 1: I'm a mother to two daughters and so that's been
Speaker 1: my main priority. So speaking on that, how do you
Speaker 1: feel about either having your kids on your social media
Speaker 1: or letting them have their own? Yeah? So, um, I
Speaker 1: have my kids on my social media, but not very often. Um,
Speaker 1: And I think my intention right now is that I
Speaker 1: will have I will get my kids phones at an
Speaker 1: appropriate age. But they're going to get like slip phones.
Speaker 1: Oh doctor culture, They're not getting smartphones. They're not. But
Speaker 1: I think they can get in trouble no matter what.
Speaker 1: But we talked about social media, isn't really your ideal
Speaker 1: age would be sixteen and over? But what about just
Speaker 1: phones in general. Yeah, I'm with you on the flip phone.
Speaker 1: I mean in terms of being able to contact your
Speaker 1: kid and locate where they are and let them know
Speaker 1: if you're running later that your dad's picking them up
Speaker 1: or whatever. That's great, and a flip phone can accomplish that.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think a kid having a smartphone with
Speaker 1: a lot of apps blocked and just uh you know,
Speaker 1: certain um access to more benign things might be finded around.
Speaker 1: I have friends that they now what's so great about
Speaker 1: the eye cloud thing is that as a family, you
Speaker 1: can see everybody's stuff, right, So she can read her
Speaker 1: son's text messages, she can see what apps are on
Speaker 1: the phone, she can see what, you know, even what
Speaker 1: he's looking at on the internet. And I think that's
Speaker 1: really great. I think it's a responsibility thing. And um,
Speaker 1: I talk a lot about the brain because it's something
Speaker 1: that I kind of geek out on. And children develop
Speaker 1: their prefrontal cortex around ten. Their prefrontal cortex is what's
Speaker 1: kind of like your decision maker, like that thing that
Speaker 1: allows you to pause before you do something, correct me
Speaker 1: if I'm wrong. But it starts really to develop around ten,
Speaker 1: doesn't stop until you're in your mid to late twenties,
Speaker 1: So to give a child a phone at ten when
Speaker 1: they literally are just developing that ability to pause. And
Speaker 1: you know, I live out near Malibu and I've heard
Speaker 1: stories of second graders sending pictures in their underwear to
Speaker 1: other people on their phones, and I'm like, it's not
Speaker 1: the child's fault, it's the parents fault. And just so,
Speaker 1: it is illegal. Just so you parents out there, it
Speaker 1: is illegal, So tell your kids that because if that
Speaker 1: were to get out there and somebody were to see it,
Speaker 1: they could be arrested. And I don't think a lot
Speaker 1: of kids know that, and I don't think a lot
Speaker 1: of parents know that well. And you can tell you're
Speaker 1: ten year old that all day long. But again, until
Speaker 1: that prefrontal cortex is functioning at a level where they
Speaker 1: can think through before they take action, it's like, that's
Speaker 1: why we have to tell you have six seven, right,
Speaker 1: how old are your kids? They're even so exactly so
Speaker 1: it's like how many times do you have to say
Speaker 1: pick up your room? Clean up? This is why we
Speaker 1: don't do this. You have to repeat yourself all day long.
Speaker 1: You're like a broken record. And it's literally because their
Speaker 1: brains can only retain so much. And if you're given
Speaker 1: the option to play right or to have some sort
Speaker 1: of reward over doing something that they have to do,
Speaker 1: They're always going to choose the reward. No. And I've
Speaker 1: noticed if so I let my kids have like a
Speaker 1: tablet in the car if we're going on long drive,
Speaker 1: just for my own sanity. But then we get out
Speaker 1: of the car and there's zombies. They act like different
Speaker 1: human beings are acting like brads nenative and I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, this is from roadblocks or whatever it
Speaker 1: is they or weird YouTube videos of a's playing with toys,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, what is happening? You know? And so
Speaker 1: I learned like that is really the only time we
Speaker 1: do it. I used to be a little bit more
Speaker 1: lax in the house. Okay, we'll do one hour day
Speaker 1: on the weekends. Now I'm like, no, if we're in
Speaker 1: the car for more than an hour, you can have it.
Speaker 1: That's it. But I mean it's crazy. And also do
Speaker 1: you get mom shamed at all on Instagram? And what
Speaker 1: I think that is? And also dr culture feel free
Speaker 1: to weigh in what do you think it is as
Speaker 1: moms or even for somebody that's not a mom. I
Speaker 1: mean even Jamie who was on with me earlier, she
Speaker 1: gets shamed for her cat because her cats a little hat.
Speaker 1: I think that I think we live in a society
Speaker 1: now where people just like to have people really like
Speaker 1: to be offended, and they really like to share their
Speaker 1: opinion because they don't feel validated in their own lives,
Speaker 1: and so social media is kind of like a perfect
Speaker 1: storm to be able to do that. So my three
Speaker 1: year old, for instance, has she we had a very
Speaker 1: challenging pregnancy. She wasn't supposed to make it. She had
Speaker 1: up until twenty weeks with her, they thought she had
Speaker 1: tries to meet thirteen, which meant that she literally would
Speaker 1: die at birth. And she had all of these different
Speaker 1: issues and we're not talking tries with down SYDMA trying
Speaker 1: to try they have cyclops eyes and their organs are all. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was horrible, but I can. I decided that I
Speaker 1: was going to continue with the pregnancy, and by a miracle,
Speaker 1: she had this very rare situation where her placenta had
Speaker 1: different DNA than she did. So they kept testing the
Speaker 1: placenta with CVS tests and all the stuff, and it
Speaker 1: turned out she was totally fine. Now she has gross
Speaker 1: motor delay issues. She has a full, incomplete underbyte where
Speaker 1: she can't talk, she has eating issues. And I can't
Speaker 1: tell you how much that I get the fact that
Speaker 1: she's three and still on a bottle. I'm like, but
Speaker 1: she can't drink from a cup, and you guys don't
Speaker 1: know her situation. She has a full headgear now and
Speaker 1: like all of us, yeah, so everybody just wants to
Speaker 1: have there and immediately right when you told me that story,
Speaker 1: you you've been trained where you almost have to justify it,
Speaker 1: where there isn't a need to justify. I mean, the
Speaker 1: same thing happens. My son has just a list and
Speaker 1: people are like, you need to get that checked and
Speaker 1: you need to figure that out, and what's wrong with you?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, you don't think I've talked to his
Speaker 1: doctor about this. You don't think that he's not my
Speaker 1: primary concern, like like honestly, or even people get upset
Speaker 1: over something as silly as like a haircut. What's wrong
Speaker 1: with you? Your son's hairs in his eyes, he doesn't
Speaker 1: want a haircut right now. And you know what, I
Speaker 1: I think I'm in my so my youngest daughter does
Speaker 1: identify as her the opposite sex that she was assigned
Speaker 1: at birth. Because she's three and a half and she
Speaker 1: identifies as a boy. She wants to be Batman. Her
Speaker 1: boy bed is a big boy bed. Like I have
Speaker 1: a feeling that I'm in for it with her, and
Speaker 1: I'm here for it because at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: we're making we're our children's parents, and we're going to
Speaker 1: do everything that we think is necessary to support them.
Speaker 1: And I honestly don't give a damn if Susie and
Speaker 1: you know, Wisconsin has an issue has an issue with it.
Speaker 1: I mean, the important part is that we are you know,
Speaker 1: your kids trust that they can come to their parents
Speaker 1: and talk to them. I think so absolutely. And you know,
Speaker 1: I think time is changing, and I think that people
Speaker 1: are changing, and the more that we can support our
Speaker 1: kids and show them love, that's really what matters. And
Speaker 1: unfortunately we have to take a little break um before
Speaker 1: we bring in rich. But thank you so much Alexis
Speaker 1: for sharing your story. I wish we like I want
Speaker 1: to bring now. We have so many other topics that
Speaker 1: we need to bring you in. Amazing, amazing, and you
Speaker 1: can come on my podcast. Dude, I'd love that, love it. Okay,
Speaker 1: So now it's time to drill our technology genius, Rich DeMuro.
Speaker 1: He is rich on tech and we've got questions. Can
Speaker 1: we get them on the line. I'm here, Thanks for
Speaker 1: having me on. Oh wow, how do you like my intro?
Speaker 1: I'm slightly awkward when I do them, but I try
Speaker 1: my best. It was just perfectly awkward. That's me. So
Speaker 1: you're an expert on anything tech related. What are the
Speaker 1: rising trends right now on social media apps? Well, I
Speaker 1: mean when it comes to social media, you know, as
Speaker 1: well as everyone, Instagram is where it's at for just
Speaker 1: about everything. I mean, the world revolves around Instagram these days. Right,
Speaker 1: it used to be Facebook. You know, we've seen other
Speaker 1: things come along, like you know, what's that other one
Speaker 1: Snapchat people have heard of, right, But nowadays it's all
Speaker 1: about Instagram and Instagram Stories and they've really just taken over.
Speaker 1: Um And I think that that's where we're seeing the
Speaker 1: shift of the world when it comes to media, when
Speaker 1: it comes to influencers, when it comes to pretty much
Speaker 1: anything related to social media, that's where it's at. And
Speaker 1: it's interesting because Instagram is not necessarily built as a
Speaker 1: platform for what it's being used as and you know
Speaker 1: they're trying to change things on us with no likes.
Speaker 1: But the reality is that is where you need to be,
Speaker 1: and that's where people are accumulating the most followers when
Speaker 1: it comes to making a living and also being an influencer.
Speaker 1: So I heard, and I don't know if this is
Speaker 1: just a rumor, but if you are posting an AD
Speaker 1: and you're not clear and you don't use like the
Speaker 1: paid tool or whatever it is and do hashtag ad,
Speaker 1: than Instagram is going to punish you and like hide
Speaker 1: your photos. Is this true or is this like one
Speaker 1: of those myths? Well, no, I mean you could. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're talking about when it comes to paid placements on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Like let's say a company pays you to do, you know,
Speaker 1: some sort of ad where you're saying, hey, I'm getting
Speaker 1: paid to you know, promote this product, right, and if
Speaker 1: you don't say that, Instagram wants it's in their best
Speaker 1: interest to crack down on you because there are federal
Speaker 1: rules that deal with this stuff. So um, when it
Speaker 1: comes to the FTC, the Federal Trade Commission, they have
Speaker 1: specific rules on what you can do, what you can't do.
Speaker 1: And the reality is is anyone cracking down in those rules.
Speaker 1: Probably not. We've seen several cases where you know, people
Speaker 1: have been a slap on the risk kind of thing.
Speaker 1: But Instagram doesn't want to be put in a place
Speaker 1: where they're gonna see federal regulations involving this stuff with them.
Speaker 1: And that's why I think they're being uh, you know,
Speaker 1: they want to make sure that people are on the
Speaker 1: up and up, which I think they've They've done a
Speaker 1: good job of giving people good tools for that. You know,
Speaker 1: you can tag a post as promoted, you can tag
Speaker 1: as sponsored, you know, hashtag at Obviously people use um.
Speaker 1: Does their algorithm demote posts if they are paid or
Speaker 1: you know, if they seem paid and they're not disclosing that.
Speaker 1: Probably actually. And on that note, do you see that
Speaker 1: these photo altering apps that people are using to add
Speaker 1: to their Instagram photos or whatever it is losing their applog?
Speaker 1: Do you think they're going to keep growing? I think
Speaker 1: the world of social media is more about people wanting
Speaker 1: a dose of reality. But at the same time, like
Speaker 1: any media, you always want a little bit of non
Speaker 1: reality because you live in like a little bit of
Speaker 1: a fantasy world of here's where these people are traveling
Speaker 1: and they look beautiful and here's what they're doing, and
Speaker 1: they have the best life. And I'm sitting here at
Speaker 1: my nine to five job surfing Instagram and looking at
Speaker 1: Instagram stories. So I think that's always going to be
Speaker 1: a part of it, that fantasy world. While people are
Speaker 1: hate liking, yeah, exactly, hate liking. I like that term.
Speaker 1: But you know, I think that people like real And
Speaker 1: if you look at some of the most popular posts,
Speaker 1: if you go through someone's you know, feed, and you
Speaker 1: kind of see, like how many likes people are getting
Speaker 1: on things. Sure, the beautiful pictures in Greece are getting
Speaker 1: a lot of pictures, a lot of likes, but sometimes
Speaker 1: it's that picture when they just woke up or they
Speaker 1: share a really um, you know, real moment from their
Speaker 1: life with their kids or their spouse that gets the
Speaker 1: most likes. And so that tells you something. People love
Speaker 1: the fantasy, but they also like the reality as well
Speaker 1: because it connects with them in a way of Okay,
Speaker 1: I got the same things happening in my life. I
Speaker 1: gotta pick up my kids from school, I gotta do this,
Speaker 1: and these people do that too. We like to see that.
Speaker 1: But these apps, I think for when it comes to
Speaker 1: like the younger generation, I think is kind of crazy
Speaker 1: because it's a it's an unhealthy um distortion field. It's
Speaker 1: so stuff that doesn't really exist. People in your face
Speaker 1: creating bodies that don't even exist. They're making curves, they're
Speaker 1: changing that, they're pretending they've never had a blemish. Of
Speaker 1: these apps, what is the most popular right now? Like,
Speaker 1: what's the most used one? I mean, I think I
Speaker 1: think when it comes to kind of the affecting your face,
Speaker 1: face tune has always been popular, that's been around forever.
Speaker 1: I think when you see a picture that has been
Speaker 1: face tuned, people just say, oh, that's face tunes. When
Speaker 1: I see teeth that are super white or some of
Speaker 1: that seems like, you know, it's an unrealistic body or
Speaker 1: I'm just like that, how is that even possible? Um?
Speaker 1: I think that that's a dead giveaway. But it's at
Speaker 1: the same time, it's you know, magazines have always been
Speaker 1: doing this, TV has been doing this, Hollywood. You know,
Speaker 1: people have a team of people that help them look
Speaker 1: their best, and so I feel like the average person
Speaker 1: that's posting to Instagram feels the same way. They say, well,
Speaker 1: why can't I look my best I'm just doing the
Speaker 1: same exact thing that Hollywood has been doing for so
Speaker 1: many years. That's such a good point. You always see
Speaker 1: in the news or whatever in the media when you
Speaker 1: find out that such and such celeb has asked to
Speaker 1: do a cover shoot without photo touching or whatever, and
Speaker 1: people are like, wow, they get all this applause, But
Speaker 1: they have been doing that for years. So I mean,
Speaker 1: Instagram is just a way for everybody to be getting
Speaker 1: that celebrity treatment. I guess. I think the difference here
Speaker 1: is that if you're a fifteen year old girl and
Speaker 1: you're looking through Instagram and you see the model in
Speaker 1: the Caribbean, you understand that they had a team of
Speaker 1: makeup artists, and you understand that they had a million
Speaker 1: um you know what do they call those lights? Those
Speaker 1: reflector lights that look gold and really nice on you,
Speaker 1: and they know that you took a thousand pictures to
Speaker 1: get that perfect shot. But when it comes to the
Speaker 1: average person that tries to do that same exact thing,
Speaker 1: especially if you're a teenager, you see that other person
Speaker 1: in your class and you see an unrealistic view of
Speaker 1: them because they've retouched everything, and you say, oh, they're
Speaker 1: so perfect, but the reality is they're not, and no
Speaker 1: one is. And I think that that's the danger, is
Speaker 1: that there used to be a divide of that's Hollywood,
Speaker 1: this is real America. But nowadays, with these tools in
Speaker 1: anyone's pocket, anyone can look however they want. And I
Speaker 1: think that's kind of the scary, weird part we're looking
Speaker 1: at here. And and your opinion, does social media affect employment?
Speaker 1: Like I know so many younger you know, younger generations
Speaker 1: who are posting pictures of drinking or partying or in
Speaker 1: bathing suits or whatever, and they're not realizing the repercussions
Speaker 1: of their future employers being able to see anything on
Speaker 1: the Internet. Okay, well here's what's crazy about this. I
Speaker 1: did a story with a company that kind of goes
Speaker 1: through and when you have employees hiring, they do like
Speaker 1: a risk assessment of those employees, so they kind of
Speaker 1: figure out, like is this person going to be a
Speaker 1: problem before they become a problem. And I asked them
Speaker 1: point blank, I said, what are companies looking for? Like,
Speaker 1: you know, you always hear like if you have a
Speaker 1: red solo cup in your in all your Instagram shots,
Speaker 1: like is that it? When you never work again, and
Speaker 1: he told me that they actually companies don't even care
Speaker 1: about drinking. Now, I'm not saying people, if you're under
Speaker 1: twenty one to sit there and you know, be crazy,
Speaker 1: But the reality is everyone understands that we're human and
Speaker 1: people party. I mean, I don't know, you know, college
Speaker 1: is you know, people have a good time in college,
Speaker 1: and I think that everyone that ever works at a
Speaker 1: company knows that. And it's not unheard of to see
Speaker 1: someone now back in the day, do we all have,
Speaker 1: you know, cameras cataloging every second of our lives. No,
Speaker 1: So I think that part is a little bit different.
Speaker 1: But the reality is, I think companies are looking for
Speaker 1: more risks than just someone that's you know, may be
Speaker 1: drinking or someone in a bathing suit. Um, even drugs.
Speaker 1: I mean they were saying that even marijuana, if that
Speaker 1: was in pictures, it wasn't that big of a deal
Speaker 1: with the companies, which I can't believe I'm saying this,
Speaker 1: but that is so frightening to me. I mean, I
Speaker 1: have like two polaroids of me, like with Boone's Farm
Speaker 1: from when I was younger, and I am so glad
Speaker 1: they're polaroids and can't be fined I can't be found
Speaker 1: on the internet. But oh my gosh, my life didn't
Speaker 1: even start until you know, the late two thousands when
Speaker 1: digital cameras came out, and I'm like, thank god, I
Speaker 1: had all my craziness before that happened. The embarrassing haircuts.
Speaker 1: I can't. Um. So, you know, in closing, what's next
Speaker 1: for social media? Like, what's the next Instagram? Oh, what's
Speaker 1: the next Instagram? I think, I mean, obviously TikTok we're
Speaker 1: seeing a lot of billion I cannot. Well, it's so
Speaker 1: weird too, because it's it's just it's one of these
Speaker 1: things that like, it's not everyone even is aware of it.
Speaker 1: Just yeah, I mean people have heard of it, but
Speaker 1: are a lot of people that aren't on it yet,
Speaker 1: which I think that's big. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: I think at this point it appeals to the younger demographic,
Speaker 1: which you know, limits its appeal for now because people
Speaker 1: see this like the young kids thing to do, right,
Speaker 1: So the adults aren't really on it. But if you remember,
Speaker 1: that's the way Facebook was back in the day. So um,
Speaker 1: I think the problem for all these platforms is that
Speaker 1: nobody can build something that is that is what people
Speaker 1: want because if you look at any of the platforms
Speaker 1: for over the years, like Facebook and we have Twitter,
Speaker 1: and we have Instagram, and we have all these things
Speaker 1: that have come and gone, none of them were sort
Speaker 1: of imagined to be used to the way they are.
Speaker 1: So like everyone thought Facebook was the best, Everyone used it,
Speaker 1: they used the heck out of it, and all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, now it's like you just drop it and
Speaker 1: it's like on the side of the road. So will
Speaker 1: Instagram become that? I don't know, but I think Instagram
Speaker 1: from what I've seen, has made some pretty smart moves
Speaker 1: to keep it kind of like the hottest, coolest thing going.
Speaker 1: And they stole stories right away from Snapchat, which you
Speaker 1: really help them because everyone switched like pretty much overnight
Speaker 1: two Instagram stories over Stepchat. So will there be something
Speaker 1: that comes along the way. I don't know. It's tough
Speaker 1: to tell. I'm I'm not sure TikTok is that platform,
Speaker 1: But could there be something invented perhaps? Thank you so
Speaker 1: much Rich for coming on you guys. You have to
Speaker 1: read his book. It's called one oh one iPhone Tips
Speaker 1: and Tricks. It's going to be good, all right. So
Speaker 1: now we're going to get into some rapid fire questions
Speaker 1: with Jamie and Dr gold Schert. Whoever thinks they have
Speaker 1: the better I'm doing it in quotes answer should ring in.
Speaker 1: And the first question is if you are somebody starting
Speaker 1: out you want to become an influencer and you don't
Speaker 1: know how, what are some quick tips? Uh, I would
Speaker 1: say probably learn how to our to get a good
Speaker 1: camera or a good iPhone I guess these days, and
Speaker 1: to get an editing editing software, to like have good
Speaker 1: photos because people want to follow you for good photos.
Speaker 1: It's kind of and how often do they need to
Speaker 1: be posting content? Oh? Regularly every day? That's my that's
Speaker 1: my always been every single day I have posted a
Speaker 1: photo unless I want to fight. Okay, do you guys
Speaker 1: think social media is our friend of me? Definitely right?
Speaker 1: I mean this whole podcast has kind of been encapsulating
Speaker 1: this complicated relationship. We have a social media It's like
Speaker 1: the best and the worst boyfriend ever, you know, like
Speaker 1: it's the best time ever. It's so seductive and so
Speaker 1: addictive in a lot of ways, and so much fun
Speaker 1: and compelling, and you can learn a lot and then
Speaker 1: on the other hand, like it can hurt you and
Speaker 1: confuse you and you know, make you feel um, not
Speaker 1: so great in your own skin at times. So I
Speaker 1: think actually a friend of me is like it's like
Speaker 1: the perfect word forward speaking of seduction cat fishing? Can
Speaker 1: you actually trust people? You were talking too through d
Speaker 1: M s m hm, I get. I mean, I don't
Speaker 1: even know how to answer that, to be honest, that's
Speaker 1: the point of the check mark, is to make it
Speaker 1: the real person or not right. But not everybody has
Speaker 1: a check mark. I mean a lot of people don't
Speaker 1: have check marks. So I guess to do that at
Speaker 1: your own risk. Um, should we be face tuning, wiscoing,
Speaker 1: photoshopping and filtering? Are we altering reality too much? You know?
Speaker 1: I mean I'm of two minds of this. I think
Speaker 1: in part, as you were talking about, Jamie, that there's
Speaker 1: an art to it, in a creativity and a fun
Speaker 1: that I think people are drawn to, and I don't
Speaker 1: think that should be totally impeded. But I think it's
Speaker 1: so important for there to be so many more opportunities
Speaker 1: for people to relate to people in their natural habitat,
Speaker 1: whether we're talking environmental, like physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. There
Speaker 1: there's just such a lack of that right now. And
Speaker 1: we've been talking a lot during this podcast how when
Speaker 1: it pops up on social media, even in your Instagram,
Speaker 1: to that people are really drawn to it, really drawn
Speaker 1: to it. Well, you know what I just learned from
Speaker 1: one of our producers. We booked you, Jamie through d
Speaker 1: M s because you did. You slid right into that
Speaker 1: d M and I was like, yes, and we didn't
Speaker 1: catfish you. I thought it was for a minute and
Speaker 1: I was like, can I have Can you send me
Speaker 1: an email with details? And it was like yeah, And
Speaker 1: then the email didn't come for a few days and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, it's totally not real, like someone
Speaker 1: was praying on my emotions that I wanted to do
Speaker 1: this so but it was real. That is so funny.
Speaker 1: I told you I read all those d M Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's not mess around. She is. You know what I
Speaker 1: don't If you need to talk to me right something
Speaker 1: in my comments or message me, I guess and our
Speaker 1: message Jamie and should reach out to me? Um, okay?
Speaker 1: How authentic are our lives via social media? I can
Speaker 1: answer for me and then maybe Jamie you answer as well.
Speaker 1: I think that I try to show as much as
Speaker 1: I possibly can. So I live a pretty authentic life
Speaker 1: when you're when you're seeing my kids, my life, if
Speaker 1: the chaos working out my clients, that's all that being said,
Speaker 1: my indst to stories. If my skin is looking super
Speaker 1: clear one day, it is the subtle filter, guys. It's
Speaker 1: the one that's purple and it has little dogs around
Speaker 1: like it's little sparkles. That is the filter I have,
Speaker 1: Like Rosa sha, my skin is red as these ladies,
Speaker 1: they can see it right now. Not even what about you, guys? Um.
Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like I'm pretty authentic these days.
Speaker 1: I used to be really against like showing all the
Speaker 1: you know, bad days and stuff like that, and I
Speaker 1: feel like now that I have been showing it more,
Speaker 1: I've actually gotten more support from people because they just
Speaker 1: see that you're a normal person dealing with normal things
Speaker 1: that happen in life. And you know, I get depressed
Speaker 1: some days, I get I have really great days. So
Speaker 1: I feel like followers are resonating more with you being
Speaker 1: more authentic and stuff like, which leads me I need
Speaker 1: to ask you this now. Do you think that because
Speaker 1: you spend so much time on social media, you're talking
Speaker 1: to friends like real life friends and some of my
Speaker 1: best friends now are people that I met through Instagram
Speaker 1: just from Hey, what's up? Hey, Like, I'm even meeting
Speaker 1: up with the follower tomorrow to just hang out because
Speaker 1: we both love Star Wars, so we're gonna watch Star Wars.
Speaker 1: Like but don't you ever get sketched out by that
Speaker 1: a little bit? But I feel like I've talked to
Speaker 1: them for years now and it's like not weird. So
Speaker 1: if you guys, haven't you need to watch the movie
Speaker 1: The American Meme. Have you all watched that? Oh? It
Speaker 1: is so good. It's about the life of an influencer.
Speaker 1: So make sure you guys tune into that watching that today. Um,
Speaker 1: what is something you've done slash experienced in the past
Speaker 1: that you're thankful social media wasn't a thing for growing up?
Speaker 1: Probably my partying days. I'm really glad that, like Instagram
Speaker 1: wasn't a thing when I was like in college and
Speaker 1: you know, drinking and doing what college people do. I'm
Speaker 1: really glad the Instagram kind of came out right when
Speaker 1: I was like starting in the workforce and really getting
Speaker 1: into like fashion and blogging, and I'm glad it kind
Speaker 1: of That's how I feel too, I mean, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: want my youth out there. And since I had a
Speaker 1: lot of bad self tanner moments at hair, eyebrows, my
Speaker 1: eyebrows so thin, there's not a lot of photos of that. Okay.
Speaker 1: I think about my young self, like thirteen fourteen, trying
Speaker 1: to navigate the world of social media, if you're allowed
Speaker 1: to to be on that landscape that young, and how
Speaker 1: difficult that would I could barely navigate my aid plant pager,
Speaker 1: you know, navigating the poll of of putting yourself out there,
Speaker 1: the insecurity, the desire to be popular, they need to
Speaker 1: be liked, like all of that. It was hard enough
Speaker 1: in high school without Instagram to like judge you when
Speaker 1: you get home, like everyone's judging you, like all night
Speaker 1: and probably not liking your photos, and then it'll stress
Speaker 1: you out the next day, like, oh, so was I
Speaker 1: didn't like my photo? Now at school it's like weird
Speaker 1: and sokward, Like I can't even imagine all that was
Speaker 1: hard enough without all of it. And what are your
Speaker 1: true thoughts on people who choose to not have any
Speaker 1: social media? What are you hiding? That's actually we had
Speaker 1: a Cheater podcast and um they said something about like
Speaker 1: people that have no social media whatever. I'll say this.
Speaker 1: I dated someone in college and he had no Facebook,
Speaker 1: no Instagram, none of that, and he was cheating on me.
Speaker 1: So I don't I don't trust anyone these days if
Speaker 1: you're not interested in what's going on in the world
Speaker 1: with Instagram, because you can follow whatever you want really
Speaker 1: to like see to gear what you see. So something
Speaker 1: something's weird and speaking of your cheating X, should we
Speaker 1: unfollow our ex? Yes, I think I'm not interested. I
Speaker 1: don't want to see it. I don't think it's helpful.
Speaker 1: But then people, you know, what, what is our need
Speaker 1: to fill sometimes to go look? I mean, I think
Speaker 1: it's quite human for people. It's like that that pain
Speaker 1: pleasure thing of like wanting to kind of release the
Speaker 1: tension by knowing it also kind of helps you move on.
Speaker 1: I guess if you see that maybe they're dating something,
Speaker 1: they're living their best life of that. But then you
Speaker 1: know that you're living your best life on there too,
Speaker 1: so maybe it they see. I don't know. Um, Okay,
Speaker 1: do you guys think that sending threats on social media
Speaker 1: should be a felony? I guess there's like a gray
Speaker 1: area of what's like what would be what's a threat?
Speaker 1: How bad a threat? Has someone threatening my cats saying
Speaker 1: that they're fat? You's threat of physical violence? It has
Speaker 1: to be taken. Yeah, I mean, at least now I've
Speaker 1: I've learned that you can uh block certain words which
Speaker 1: I didn't know, so that's something can restrict people now.
Speaker 1: And you can restrict people. So if you're trying to,
Speaker 1: you know, help your kids, you can restrict certain words
Speaker 1: if they're being bullied, so you can protect them that way,
Speaker 1: but also be stalking their Instagram accounts. Don't just let
Speaker 1: them do it on their own. If they only want Instagram,
Speaker 1: if they're the only ones on it, don't let them
Speaker 1: have it. Um and question, because you said your husband
Speaker 1: is now an influencer as well, do you think social
Speaker 1: media causes more stress that slash jealousy and relationships? I mean,
Speaker 1: to be completely honest, Like we have each other's passwords,
Speaker 1: were logged in on both each other's phones because he
Speaker 1: like manages me, so he needs to be on my
Speaker 1: profile a lot to do stuff. So like it actually
Speaker 1: makes it easier because like we don't like we don't
Speaker 1: hide anything, Like we're very open about like everything. So
Speaker 1: it used to be a stressful thing until he really
Speaker 1: got into the world, and then now he understands and
Speaker 1: it's like less of a stress now instead of having
Speaker 1: to explain things going on with Instagram or like brands
Speaker 1: or whatever, he like gets it now. So it goes
Speaker 1: back to my original thing, which because I have this
Speaker 1: app called like three sixty app, which tells like everything
Speaker 1: about like how fast somebody's driving, if they're texting and driving,
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. And somebody was like, I can't believe
Speaker 1: you you have that on your phone. I'm like, of
Speaker 1: course I have that on my phone. Like so it's
Speaker 1: kind of if you're okay being an open book, there's
Speaker 1: less reason for stress and jealousy and anxiety because then
Speaker 1: you have less to worry about it. But if you
Speaker 1: have somebody who's covering their hand over their Instagram or
Speaker 1: d m NG or whatever it is, or they all
Speaker 1: of a sudden have a Snapchat, but you're not their
Speaker 1: snapchat friend, we don't even have Snapchat in our relationship
Speaker 1: because it was like at the very beginning, it was like,
Speaker 1: what who are you sending? And I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: deleting it. I don't even want all this drama like
Speaker 1: I don't have time for it, while you guys today
Speaker 1: was so much fun. I love learning the ins and out,
Speaker 1: ins and out of the Graham. And thank you guys
Speaker 1: so much for joining me. Thanks thanks joining us, Thanks
Speaker 1: for listening. Subscribe to cd T POT on her radio
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to podcasts.