Speaker 1: Hi guys, Welcome back to this week's Teddy te pod. Um.
Speaker 1: We are going to be digging into the truth about
Speaker 1: relationships after baby. I have on TV host, celebrity relationship
Speaker 1: expert and national best selling author of bad Advice dr
Speaker 1: V to help me. She's gonna be joining us in
Speaker 1: a minute, because let's be honest, it's been a minute
Speaker 1: since I am post baby. My kids are now five
Speaker 1: and seven, and then my stepdaughters eleven, and now that
Speaker 1: I'm like in the final countdown. I love when I
Speaker 1: said that, the final countdown, like the final countdown of
Speaker 1: having this baby, like reality starting to set in, like
Speaker 1: everything is about to shift. I mean even yesterday when
Speaker 1: I was in the car with my husband, he was like, hey, babe,
Speaker 1: we should look into like where we're gonna go for
Speaker 1: spring break with the kids and blah blah blah. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, where we're gonna go for spring break. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have a six week old. We're not going anywhere,
Speaker 1: Like we're gonna be home. Um, you're welcome to do
Speaker 1: a day trip, but like, there's not many vacations we're
Speaker 1: gonna go on in the first six weeks. So I
Speaker 1: think we've both gotten to that place where we've forgotten
Speaker 1: how much everything is about to change. I mean, not
Speaker 1: to mention like sexy time is a little different when
Speaker 1: you're thirty seven weeks pregnant than how it is when
Speaker 1: you're not pregnant, or how it's going to be when
Speaker 1: the doctor gives you permission to have sex after baby.
Speaker 1: So it's just like those constant things that you forget about.
Speaker 1: And I mean, I also had such different experiences with
Speaker 1: both of my kids. Um, after Slate, I had postpartum
Speaker 1: anxiety and it was just so brutal and uh, you know,
Speaker 1: Edwin didn't even really realize what was going on until
Speaker 1: he saw a Google search on the computer. And then
Speaker 1: with Cruise because he was in the nick. You know,
Speaker 1: I remember being sent home from the hospital and crews
Speaker 1: having to stay, and then me pretty much just camping
Speaker 1: out in the nick. You So, both postpartum experiences were
Speaker 1: completely different for me. Um, this pregnancy has been completely
Speaker 1: different from me. So, I you know, I want to
Speaker 1: go in having as much knowledge as I can. I
Speaker 1: also have so many listener questions that I want to
Speaker 1: get through. But I mean, truthfully, I have questions for myself,
Speaker 1: you know, I want to be able to learn from
Speaker 1: things that I may have done wrong last time, or
Speaker 1: you know, give myself empathy for things that you know,
Speaker 1: are a little bit of grace for things that like
Speaker 1: I gave myself a hard time about that. Truthfully, you know,
Speaker 1: your body has just gone through a lot, and we
Speaker 1: we sometimes forget that. So when we come back after
Speaker 1: the break, I'm gonna have dr V help me. We're
Speaker 1: going to get through your questions. Also, we're just post
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day, so we can talk a little bit about
Speaker 1: that as well. So, um, be right back, all right,
Speaker 1: So we are back with dr V. And you know,
Speaker 1: whether I watch it or not, I guess we should
Speaker 1: get into Valentine's Day since, um, you know it just happened.
Speaker 1: How is yours? Um Mine was great, slightly uneventful, you
Speaker 1: know what. That's how my Valentine. I mean, I think
Speaker 1: after like twenty years together, you kind of get each
Speaker 1: other's groove. Either you love each day each other every
Speaker 1: day or you don't. That's why I feel we do
Speaker 1: like a five o'clock dinner with the kids and then
Speaker 1: we go on a date another day. No, but like
Speaker 1: the kids want to celebrate Valentine's Day just as much
Speaker 1: as we do. And do you want to celebrate Valentine's Day? No, Okay,
Speaker 1: I guess no. I don't really want to say. I
Speaker 1: don't want to go somewhere and have a set menu
Speaker 1: and have to sit there for hours. But it's like,
Speaker 1: you know everything we know. I don't want to talk
Speaker 1: to you for five hours. No, I get it. No,
Speaker 1: So we go at five o'clock with the kids. We like,
Speaker 1: have you know their favorite food? And that's kind of
Speaker 1: it um for us, and then we do a date
Speaker 1: another day. For me, it's not like that huge deal.
Speaker 1: I do like to poke at my husband though, because
Speaker 1: he's like behind on a couple of gifts. Wait how many? Oh,
Speaker 1: so he's now clapped, So he's behind on Christmas, Christmas,
Speaker 1: now Valentine's Day. And his plan is he was actually
Speaker 1: talking with Kyle, we were at dinner the other night,
Speaker 1: and he goes, here's the plan, Kyle. I'm going all
Speaker 1: in for the push present. I want to be Christmas
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day. And I'm like, you realize that if you
Speaker 1: don't deliver on this push present, I don't even care
Speaker 1: about presents. But it's the idea that you talked about it.
Speaker 1: Now it's in my head like he's spoken into existence,
Speaker 1: and now it's got to come. Now, it's got to
Speaker 1: come to good thinking about it. And I'm already going
Speaker 1: to be a mental case right after having the baby,
Speaker 1: emotional all the things. So I just like teased him.
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, all right, we'll see, we'll see, buddy. Like,
Speaker 1: but he's one of those people that like doesn't like
Speaker 1: to buy traditional gifts at like a certain time. He
Speaker 1: likes just surprised with like a big trip or something
Speaker 1: you always really wanted, you know. So I always know
Speaker 1: that about it, so I don't get my feelings, but
Speaker 1: I like to tease him NonStop about it. My husband
Speaker 1: is very much a gift giver and I'm very much
Speaker 1: a gift receiver. So this relationship works out very well.
Speaker 1: We we actually did the love Languages. Um. We took
Speaker 1: that like quiz or whatever, and um, I was surprised
Speaker 1: by mine. I thought I was like I liked like
Speaker 1: human touch or whatever, and it was I wanted, um affirmation, yeah,
Speaker 1: affirmation yea. And I was like really and his was
Speaker 1: acts of service. I was like, no freaking shock there.
Speaker 1: But my tacts of service too. Yeah, thank god because
Speaker 1: my husband, my husband's is not, which is great because
Speaker 1: I'm doing acts of service. I told my house. Is
Speaker 1: it like a blow job or like, what are our
Speaker 1: acts of Wait a bit before we before we begin,
Speaker 1: what are the rules to this show? We can talk
Speaker 1: anything great. So it depends on what acts of service
Speaker 1: is to your husband? Well, is it pretty much? It's
Speaker 1: pretty much pretending he is also one of my children.
Speaker 1: Here's breakfast, here's coffee, here's this, and you know what,
Speaker 1: That's how I was for a long time in our
Speaker 1: mary and then and when I changed my life and
Speaker 1: started changing, you know, all in came about. And now
Speaker 1: I have like over fifty people that work with me
Speaker 1: and like it's just you know, constant business. Like you're like,
Speaker 1: Mike has your breakfast? No, I like jo, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I want you to start looking at me like we're
Speaker 1: roommates with benefits, because this is too much. I can't
Speaker 1: you get up at a different time as the kid,
Speaker 1: like this is craziness. But we the reason I of
Speaker 1: my husband, as we can laugh at each other, like
Speaker 1: without it, we would be. If you have a sense
Speaker 1: of humor, you can get through anything. And everything if
Speaker 1: you can laugh about it and that is the truth.
Speaker 1: Um so. But Valentine's Day used to be something that
Speaker 1: I poked a lot of fun at um. But now
Speaker 1: I just kind of feel like why not. What's what's
Speaker 1: the harm in having a day set aside not just
Speaker 1: to tell romantic love, but the people that you love
Speaker 1: that you love them. Like, what a wonderful thing that
Speaker 1: a day is set aside just to do that. But
Speaker 1: the problem is it's not set aside just to do
Speaker 1: that when you can make it whatever you want. When
Speaker 1: you have little kids, there's crafts, there's this, you have
Speaker 1: to show up to school, there's three different time do
Speaker 1: you think do you think I participate? And what I'm
Speaker 1: talking about I don't. Okay, Well, I'm just saying that
Speaker 1: it's no longer about that because it's so commercialized. There's
Speaker 1: so many things, and not only like I we got
Speaker 1: the email like a couple of days before Thanksgiving, like
Speaker 1: just to reminder parents there's no sweets or foods allowed,
Speaker 1: but be creative with your kids. Valentine's Days. I'm like,
Speaker 1: go kick rocks. I don't want to. It's another day
Speaker 1: for you to work and I'm sitting there with Mike
Speaker 1: Sons five. He's got enough like timing to like write
Speaker 1: c r us and then it's like homework for you.
Speaker 1: And then I'm sitting there crafting these ladybugs and he's like,
Speaker 1: the boys are going to like those. Mom. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know what, whatever, you know what. That's how I
Speaker 1: feel about Valentine's Day. I didn't get a present and
Speaker 1: I made a bunch of bugs. Well, my hope is
Speaker 1: that the push present really comes through. You know what.
Speaker 1: I'll let you know. I'll be one of those annoying
Speaker 1: people that post it and I'll be like loving this
Speaker 1: than um, but a lot of my you should get
Speaker 1: more than a gift. I mean, think about that. You're
Speaker 1: squeezing a watermelon through your nostrils. You know you deserve
Speaker 1: a gift and more. Well, I you know the gift
Speaker 1: I give is every night about like one too three
Speaker 1: four am, as I cannot get out of bed anymore,
Speaker 1: and I make this noise. My husband's do you need help?
Speaker 1: That's like his favorite line, Like really, what You're going
Speaker 1: to get out of bed and help me out of
Speaker 1: bed right now? I'm like, okay, but that is like
Speaker 1: a lot of what our listeners have been asked me
Speaker 1: about like how do you keep things spicy after a baby,
Speaker 1: or how do you bring back the intimacy? And you
Speaker 1: know what, I can really understand because truthfully, right now,
Speaker 1: sex for us is honestly like, I'm like, you got
Speaker 1: a job to do, and you're gonna come in and
Speaker 1: do it because this is going to make the delivery
Speaker 1: better and the only way we can kind of get
Speaker 1: through because there's nothing sexy about this whole situation. So
Speaker 1: I just want to say that I think that is
Speaker 1: a social injustice, and I think that women who are
Speaker 1: pregnant are incredibly sex Oh. I wasn't saying I'm not sexy, Okay, En,
Speaker 1: she's see, I'm saying the idea of while you're trying
Speaker 1: to have sex when you're pregnant, you can't sit up,
Speaker 1: you can't move or for a purpose. Okay. The doctor's like, okay, guys,
Speaker 1: you gotta start right now. Yeah. The doctor like it's
Speaker 1: gonna like we go in for my like thirty seven,
Speaker 1: you know, thirty six and a half week check up,
Speaker 1: and he's like, just make sure you know, the more
Speaker 1: you're having sex, the better the delivery is the issue
Speaker 1: isn't necessarily that we're not loving sex or that we're
Speaker 1: not having it, or that I'm not feeling good in
Speaker 1: my own skin. It's that at this point, it's a job.
Speaker 1: Like I'm like, come on, buddy, we got work to do.
Speaker 1: We need to have an easy delivery. And in order
Speaker 1: for us to kind of get through it, like I am,
Speaker 1: there's one angle that works. There's one position, and it's
Speaker 1: you know, it's it's not the world's best experience all
Speaker 1: of the time when you are thirty seven weeks pregnant.
Speaker 1: Um So I think a lot of people, you know,
Speaker 1: the same way I will, will have that kind of
Speaker 1: weird transition period it after you know, after you have
Speaker 1: a baby, then you wait a certain amount of time
Speaker 1: and a doctor's like six weeks or whatever it is,
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden you're just supposed to
Speaker 1: come back and all of a sudden, your intimacy is
Speaker 1: alive again and here you go. And you know, I
Speaker 1: think that a lot of us have a lot of
Speaker 1: questions like how how do we do it all? Because
Speaker 1: it's impossible to do it all? And um, I know
Speaker 1: we have to take a little break, but then can
Speaker 1: we fully dig into it once we get back, Let's
Speaker 1: do it. Let's do it. All right, we're back and
Speaker 1: now I'm just I'm gonna start grilling with listeners questions.
Speaker 1: Let's do it. Okay, So this first one is from
Speaker 1: somebody who does not have a baby yet. But how
Speaker 1: would you say babies challenge a marriage? Oh okay. Well,
Speaker 1: first of all, if it's your first child, you were
Speaker 1: once working in a diet. You are now working in
Speaker 1: a triad. So it changes your entire dynamic completely, and
Speaker 1: you have to be prepared for that. Um. In so
Speaker 1: many ways, your communication becomes transactional. You have to really
Speaker 1: fight against that to make sure that your communication remains relational.
Speaker 1: So what do I mean by transactional? The baby's throwing up,
Speaker 1: Get me a bottle, get me a bit, and we're
Speaker 1: all good. Okay, I got it. So that's like a
Speaker 1: transactional communication and it's nothing relational. Um. So your sex
Speaker 1: life will change because your body now has changed. So
Speaker 1: the things that you may have once liked you may
Speaker 1: not like anymore because your body is now different. Um.
Speaker 1: And everybody takes their own time. I really just want
Speaker 1: to say this for all our female listeners. You take
Speaker 1: your own time. With your body and what it means
Speaker 1: to feel good again being intimate and being physical with
Speaker 1: your partner. They say six weeks. You know a lot
Speaker 1: of times the men in our lives like, okay, it's
Speaker 1: six weeks. What is it's coming up? I'm ready for
Speaker 1: my dinner and you may not be ready, and he's
Speaker 1: going to have to be okay with that because you
Speaker 1: just squeezed a watermelon through your nosha, And how do
Speaker 1: you have I mean, this is truthfully where I struggled
Speaker 1: because with my with my first I had postpartum anxiety
Speaker 1: really bad, and you know, kind of morphed into a
Speaker 1: little bit of depression, and I remember not my husband
Speaker 1: would leave for work and I would cry. I was
Speaker 1: just so sad that I was he was gone, and
Speaker 1: I just felt all of these like overwhelming feelings of
Speaker 1: not knowing why I felt this way. I remember thinking
Speaker 1: I'm going to have you know, I have my beautiful
Speaker 1: baby daughter, and now my life will be better than ever.
Speaker 1: And I remember having this overwhelming feel feeling of like sadness.
Speaker 1: And I didn't have it with my son, but with
Speaker 1: my daughter I did. And so I don't want to
Speaker 1: discredit that that happened to me, and I had no
Speaker 1: idea how to talk to my husband about I remember
Speaker 1: he would come home and I would try to put
Speaker 1: on a brave face and pretend that like everything was fine.
Speaker 1: And it wasn't until months later that he was like
Speaker 1: on our computer and he's like, why are you googling
Speaker 1: postpartum depression? And I remember being feeling almost embarrassed, and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, when you leave, I don't know why,
Speaker 1: I'm like crying and I'm sad. And then I start
Speaker 1: over trying to schedule things that don't need to be scheduled,
Speaker 1: Like I was so particular about her sleep schedule and
Speaker 1: her bottle, her you know, my breastfeeding and the pumping
Speaker 1: and the blah blah blah. And that was on the
Speaker 1: first one. That was on the second one, the second one.
Speaker 1: But I don't know if that was because it was
Speaker 1: my second one or because when my second one was born,
Speaker 1: he was um immediately he wasn't breathing and he immediately
Speaker 1: went into the nick you and they just start they
Speaker 1: discharged me, and I would just have to like, for
Speaker 1: you know, over a week, I was going into the
Speaker 1: hospital and just trying to camp out as much as
Speaker 1: I was allowed to and the nick you and I
Speaker 1: don't know if that like popped me out of it
Speaker 1: and like, I have no idea, but I didn't have
Speaker 1: it with CRUs. But very pregnancy is different every and
Speaker 1: and the baby blues are real though even if you're
Speaker 1: not postpartum, the baby blues are real. And you and
Speaker 1: I share the same experience, and I'm sure a lot
Speaker 1: of women too. I remember that time. I have a
Speaker 1: thirteen year old, eleven year old and a four year
Speaker 1: old um and I remember with my thirteen year old
Speaker 1: when my husband would leave, I would feel this great
Speaker 1: sense of I want to say, desperation um, And I
Speaker 1: believe that that is anthropological. You know, we've we've we've
Speaker 1: built into humans who need each other, who need protection,
Speaker 1: who need one another, So that feeling is very real
Speaker 1: and very natural and it's within our DNA to feel this,
Speaker 1: and there's nothing wrong with that. As a matter of fact.
Speaker 1: You know you're working right, you know you're working properly,
Speaker 1: You're you're human, and all those chemicals, particularly with the
Speaker 1: baby blues, the estrogen just drop so quickly, so and
Speaker 1: for me, I'll never forget the day where I looked
Speaker 1: over at my husband, and I said, when I look
Speaker 1: at you, I just want to punch your and you know,
Speaker 1: he was so sweet and so loving. And you bring
Speaker 1: up a very good point that it is a great
Speaker 1: time to really invest in the depth of intimacy within
Speaker 1: your relationship. So how do you do that without I
Speaker 1: know it sounds crazy, but sometimes with my husband, and
Speaker 1: I've seen it happened with my friends. Sometimes if I
Speaker 1: lead with like a negative, then he wants to try
Speaker 1: to fix it versus which like I don't want to
Speaker 1: be fixed, like I want to sometimes just share how
Speaker 1: I'm feeling. You just want to be heard. So how
Speaker 1: do you how can you do that? How can you
Speaker 1: find that that way to communicate where you're trying to
Speaker 1: share how you're feeling but also like say what you
Speaker 1: need kind of all in one and you you just
Speaker 1: said it right there so many times like you you're
Speaker 1: you're allowed to say, I don't need you to fix this,
Speaker 1: I just need you to acknowledge my feelings. Um and
Speaker 1: men are built to be fixers. So as soon as
Speaker 1: we open up our mouths, oh my god, how do
Speaker 1: how do I make this go away? How do I
Speaker 1: fix this? What do I need to do? And I
Speaker 1: empathize with that feeling, you know, I I I empathize
Speaker 1: with that because at the core of my soul and
Speaker 1: I'm hearing too. For you. You're a people pleaser, right
Speaker 1: You want to make people happy, and there's nothing wrong
Speaker 1: with that, But what ends up happening is your needs
Speaker 1: get put on the back burner. So after you have
Speaker 1: a baby, it's a great time to really empower yourself
Speaker 1: to be like, Okay, what are my needs? Because I'll
Speaker 1: tell you most women don't know what they are. They
Speaker 1: have them, but they don't know what they are. So
Speaker 1: it's about really asking yourself, what what do I need
Speaker 1: in this moment right now and write them down because
Speaker 1: you're postpartum and you're going to forget that. I'm taking
Speaker 1: us right now. I'm like, what are my needs? Question mark?
Speaker 1: You know. And it's different this time also because I'm
Speaker 1: going right back into work. There's no break like it's
Speaker 1: you know, pretty constant. And I know I have like
Speaker 1: I have about three or four weeks where it can
Speaker 1: be um, just myself and the baby and you know,
Speaker 1: our family, and I remember little things I've noticed. I like,
Speaker 1: I saw somebody I follow on social media and she
Speaker 1: posted a photo of herself and her husband and the baby,
Speaker 1: and she's like, every morning we lay in bed together
Speaker 1: four hours and it's got amazing. And I texted it
Speaker 1: to my husband and I wrote, is this gonna be
Speaker 1: us this time? And it was like, because neither of
Speaker 1: us are sit still type of people. And but in
Speaker 1: my mind looking at her Instagram, I was like, you
Speaker 1: know what, that's Instagram. That would be so nice. I
Speaker 1: would love that. I would I would hate that, but
Speaker 1: then I know I would be an anxious mess going
Speaker 1: create like what needs to be done? Everything would go
Speaker 1: everybe four hours of you just ruminating on everything you
Speaker 1: need to do goes. I'm willing to do that, Teddy,
Speaker 1: but I know you and you're not going to be
Speaker 1: that way, so and you know, I just want to
Speaker 1: An overarching theme of pregnancy is that, you know, oftentimes
Speaker 1: we discuss this between women and um and we really
Speaker 1: do live in a very sexist society to where still
Speaker 1: in women are in charge of the household, the kids,
Speaker 1: and I think once we're able to have a feeling
Speaker 1: of support and that we're in this together and that
Speaker 1: it's both parents that you have just had a child
Speaker 1: to man with a dick. Um. I think that once
Speaker 1: we're able to sort of create our own environment of
Speaker 1: support and that it isn't you and that baby against
Speaker 1: the world. And when your husband leaves your crying, it's
Speaker 1: that the two of you are together parents, you both
Speaker 1: have just had a baby, and so oftentimes, um, you know,
Speaker 1: one of my biggest pet peeves I love to make
Speaker 1: fun of. Um. You know, my husband is is babysitting
Speaker 1: while I'm out, you know, and you're like, yeah, he's
Speaker 1: being a father, that's what dad's do. Or he changes
Speaker 1: the diaper and all the women are like, yeah, good dad,
Speaker 1: you're sot up. You're like, I changed a thousands, Like
Speaker 1: come on now, I know. It's kind of like a
Speaker 1: running joke UM in our house about it. He's like,
Speaker 1: my husband's like, I'm thinking I'm gonna do two nights
Speaker 1: a week this time. I'm like, yeah, I'm so sure.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you what I said to my husband.
Speaker 1: I said, let me tell you something. I'm doing all
Speaker 1: the work now. But when that baby pops out, it's
Speaker 1: all you. You were getting up in the middle of
Speaker 1: the night. You're I'm I was the most well rested
Speaker 1: new mother you ever have seen, because I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, you you go, and you know what, he
Speaker 1: was happy to do that because that was his time
Speaker 1: with his sons. He loved that. You know what, I'm
Speaker 1: going to give that a try, Like, seriously, you are
Speaker 1: doing all of this work, like there has to be uh,
Speaker 1: there has to be some uh, there has to be
Speaker 1: some spread out of emotional labor because I think in
Speaker 1: my mind, I'm like, I want my husband to kind
Speaker 1: of pick up the slack a little bit with the
Speaker 1: other kids because I know I am not going to
Speaker 1: be you know, like how I am operating the way
Speaker 1: I am right now. So it's like I would, and
Speaker 1: do you do that best? Do you do newborn best?
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know. Every time my husband does
Speaker 1: newborn best, I'm like, you kind of got exactly, here's
Speaker 1: the baby, and I'm gonna take the other kids out
Speaker 1: out because we can talk together, like I don't do
Speaker 1: well with with people who don't talk, and that's newborn's Like, honestly,
Speaker 1: I am. I am the best teenage mother ever. You know,
Speaker 1: my husband's sweet spot is newborn to about ten. Figuring
Speaker 1: out for people, it's figuring out what your strong suit
Speaker 1: is and focusing on that, so like, if you're better
Speaker 1: with the older kids, you focus on them and let
Speaker 1: your other significant other really do some of the the
Speaker 1: labor at the beginning. Um. Something else that it's been
Speaker 1: coming up a lot is people are asking what if
Speaker 1: you don't feel like being touched or even being affectionate,
Speaker 1: let alone having a sex, what do I do? And Um,
Speaker 1: I remember feeling like that at times, But then I
Speaker 1: also remember like the complete opposite, like tenfolds like a
Speaker 1: crazy person. So it's like mania, It's no, It's true.
Speaker 1: That happened to me on my second child, where I
Speaker 1: remember I was driving and I just saw something that
Speaker 1: resembled a man on a bike, and I'm like, yes,
Speaker 1: this is it, this is amazing, And I remember being
Speaker 1: filled with that sense of drive of like wow, where
Speaker 1: has this been all my life? But on my first son,
Speaker 1: I remember feeling I just and I think a lot
Speaker 1: of women go through this where I struggled a little
Speaker 1: bit with being a mother and then feeling sexual Like
Speaker 1: I struggled a little bit with that. I remember being like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, like my son is in the other room,
Speaker 1: my husband wants to have sex with me. And then
Speaker 1: on top of that, it's like everyone wants something from
Speaker 1: your body. Like I remember with a two year old.
Speaker 1: You know, um, I had ledger in one arm, my
Speaker 1: son wanting something else from me, my husband wanting to me,
Speaker 1: and my people just need to leave my body alone.
Speaker 1: I remember and all the different directions, and I think,
Speaker 1: you know, somebody else is even saying, like, what if
Speaker 1: even six months later you're still not in the mood
Speaker 1: for sex. I think the biggest thing for me after
Speaker 1: having a baby, and you know, I'll keep you guys
Speaker 1: posted as I go through it again, is I need
Speaker 1: to start feeling good. So whatever it is that I
Speaker 1: find that makes me feel good, if I'm taking action
Speaker 1: on doing that, then everything else that cloud starts to lift,
Speaker 1: Like I'll want to have sex or be intimate or
Speaker 1: go on that date or do those things. But if
Speaker 1: there is something that I it's like nagging at me.
Speaker 1: Like for me, it was like it was in regards
Speaker 1: to food and exercise when I am eating a tons
Speaker 1: of junk food and not taking care of myself and
Speaker 1: essentially like feeding my emotions. I don't feel good after
Speaker 1: and I remember doing that and then you know, I
Speaker 1: was justifying, oh, this is because I'm breastfeeding, it's for
Speaker 1: the baby. Uh No, going to McDonald's and getting an
Speaker 1: egg and cheese biscuit and a cinnamon roll and a
Speaker 1: coke is not for the baby. Like that's what I
Speaker 1: was doing. I'm not kidding. It was like next it
Speaker 1: was a situation. I mean, I love your compartmentalization and
Speaker 1: your level of denial is fast. Convinced myself of that.
Speaker 1: But then what would happen is I wasn't feeling good
Speaker 1: in my own skin, so I wasn't wanting so even
Speaker 1: once it wasn't about a medical situation in regards to
Speaker 1: the doctor, was I wasn't taking care of myself for
Speaker 1: what I needed. Well. I also just want to point
Speaker 1: out on a biology, on a biological level, if you
Speaker 1: were having UM decreases or surges and estrogen or U
Speaker 1: twoestosterone or any number of hormones within our bodies UM,
Speaker 1: it can affect our skin and how we feel in
Speaker 1: our clothes and how we feel with touch. So that's
Speaker 1: very real. So I just want to point that out
Speaker 1: that that's that could be a true How do you
Speaker 1: how do you know if that's actually happening. Well, the
Speaker 1: idea of hormonal balance is really theoretical. That being said,
Speaker 1: you can go to your g y N. You can
Speaker 1: see how high your estrogen is, you can see how
Speaker 1: low your distosterone is. You can get a pannel of
Speaker 1: all of those. Um and after pregnancy, they're more likely
Speaker 1: to be willing to, you know, give you that panel.
Speaker 1: So just be aware of that that that could be
Speaker 1: very very real. Um And I remember in my second pregnancy,
Speaker 1: I think I couldn't wear uh certain feelings of sweaters.
Speaker 1: They just weren't so it harmonal imbalance. My stomach is
Speaker 1: so itchy and like if a sweater like I can't
Speaker 1: wear cash anything like I needed it to be like cottony. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: I feel you, and I also feel you on doing
Speaker 1: what's best for you. Look, I I gained. I can't
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you this because you're gonna flip out,
Speaker 1: But I gained a hundred and twenty five pounds on
Speaker 1: both children. And I say to myself, like, I'm secretly
Speaker 1: a fat girl trying to get out because I don't
Speaker 1: have one stretch mark. So I just am this person
Speaker 1: that has the ability to expand and then decrease. So
Speaker 1: but on both children, I was waiting for my doctor
Speaker 1: to be like. I even said, I'm like you please
Speaker 1: tell me to stop eating. Please, somebody tell me to
Speaker 1: stop eating. I remember I would go to marmalade and
Speaker 1: they would cut me a piece. As I got bigger,
Speaker 1: their pieces of cake got bigger. They were working with
Speaker 1: they were working with me. They were good friends. And
Speaker 1: I remember I literally was like maybe I was like
Speaker 1: thirty eight weeks pregnant. I was about where you are,
Speaker 1: and they cut the cake in half and they just
Speaker 1: gave it to me, and I ate the whole damn
Speaker 1: thing and I felt great. Men to me. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1: I think each pregnancy I gained over eighty pounds with
Speaker 1: both the others, and this one I've gained forties, you know,
Speaker 1: so far. Um See, I don't even know how you're
Speaker 1: doing that in a week. But it's because this time
Speaker 1: I really went into it. Well. The other pregnancies, I
Speaker 1: was on bed rest and I had all these complications.
Speaker 1: And this one I've been able to be active, and truthfully,
Speaker 1: I haven't been you know, you know, I have a
Speaker 1: whole health and wellness program all in. I haven't been
Speaker 1: all in and you know we can't, you can't be um.
Speaker 1: But I have been active I've been able to stay
Speaker 1: consistently active and like I'm not pulling into McDonald Yeah.
Speaker 1: I walked to all different restaurants. It was amazing. And
Speaker 1: I remember I turned to my Okay, so my husband
Speaker 1: says to me, would you like to have a piece
Speaker 1: of chocolate cake? And I looked at him, like chocolate cake? What?
Speaker 1: He's like, Yeah, you ate that every day. I just
Speaker 1: was wanting to know if you wanted to continue that.
Speaker 1: The thought of that, like right after I had the baby,
Speaker 1: like the thought of doing that. I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god. And I turned to him and I said,
Speaker 1: please tell me that that boy is ninety pounds. It's
Speaker 1: like he's nine pounds. He's big, but he's not with
Speaker 1: the extra zero. And I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: what did I do? Yeah, you just get into mind
Speaker 1: frames and you kind of go for it. Um, And
Speaker 1: somebody's asking, do the same issues come up for gay
Speaker 1: couples in terms of communication being transactional, in terms of
Speaker 1: the new dynamic? Um, all of that is all true. Um,
Speaker 1: are they dealing with the biological issues? I think once
Speaker 1: you're a parent, your biology shifts from a sense of
Speaker 1: save myself first too, I have to save this child,
Speaker 1: so they are dealing with biological changes as well, not
Speaker 1: harmonially like women would go through. I mean, we just
Speaker 1: had a child, um, But yes, gay couples do go
Speaker 1: through the same things that every couple would go through
Speaker 1: because your life completely changed completely and you're really not ready.
Speaker 1: You think you know what it is, but like, I
Speaker 1: think the biggest like wake up call to me was I,
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, can no longer just leave the
Speaker 1: house because I want to? And I think that was
Speaker 1: a big shock to myself. You know, I had always
Speaker 1: gone to work every day, I had you know, a
Speaker 1: million things to do, plans, blah blah, and now every
Speaker 1: single part of my day needed to be scheduled and
Speaker 1: that was something that I was like, what, um, I
Speaker 1: still feel that way. What I mean, I do too,
Speaker 1: I've just gotten more used to it. I'm like, this
Speaker 1: is my life. Okay, it's Monday morning. I Am going
Speaker 1: to wake up at five am workouts so then I
Speaker 1: can feed my kids breakfast, take them to school, and
Speaker 1: get to the podcast on time. Like it's it's different
Speaker 1: than just I'm gonna set my alarm, wake up and
Speaker 1: show up to work. That no longer happens are, Hey,
Speaker 1: you want to go out tonight. Nope, you're gonna need
Speaker 1: to find a babysitter. I'm one of five and I'm
Speaker 1: one of the oldest, so I grew up taking care
Speaker 1: of kids, so I have this built in obligatory alarm.
Speaker 1: So for me, that wasn't much of a of a
Speaker 1: big deal. I understand a personal obligation, I guess I'm
Speaker 1: trying to say so I understood that, But I really
Speaker 1: do empathize with people. Your life changes, your life is
Speaker 1: no longer your own. So if yourself, if you're a
Speaker 1: selfish person, please know that about yourself, and don't have
Speaker 1: kids because you'll be miserable. And then if you for
Speaker 1: for our male listeners, if you see that your wife
Speaker 1: has baby blues, maybe she's not talking about it, or
Speaker 1: maybe she doesn't even know what's going on. How can
Speaker 1: you help her without making her feel worse? Asking questions
Speaker 1: is always a great way. And and and men love
Speaker 1: to man splain in general, and they're not really there.
Speaker 1: I don't want to make an over generalization, but the
Speaker 1: bottom line is you need to be more curious about
Speaker 1: your partner's experience. You know, how are you feeling today?
Speaker 1: What is it like to be you today? How can
Speaker 1: I help you today? What is it that you need?
Speaker 1: Do you even know your needs? So be curious about
Speaker 1: your partner's experience. Essentially, you have to seem like you care. Well.
Speaker 1: I think many men do care. I th they just
Speaker 1: don't know how to show it. For first of all,
Speaker 1: I I want to just say that men. I My
Speaker 1: heart goes out to men because they grow up in
Speaker 1: a society where they are not allowed to express how
Speaker 1: they feel um and so they don't grow up being
Speaker 1: curious about other people's experiences because they're not don't know,
Speaker 1: they're were built to talk about other people's experience other
Speaker 1: than their own. So there is a level of a
Speaker 1: teachable moment that perhaps women have to share with their husbands.
Speaker 1: But you just had a baby, and one of the
Speaker 1: equality of life measures of your life will be who
Speaker 1: you married, who your partner will be. So I tell
Speaker 1: all of your listeners, choose very wisely, because of your
Speaker 1: happiness or your unhappiness will come from your partner. Choose easlee.
Speaker 1: And you get to see that in pregnancy well, and
Speaker 1: that we've got to take a little break and then
Speaker 1: we'll come back and we'll dig into more of these questions.
Speaker 1: It's so good, all right, I'm just going to start
Speaker 1: with a controversial question. Um, somebody's asking and you can
Speaker 1: tell she is at her wits end because she asked
Speaker 1: it like six different times on my Instagram, you know,
Speaker 1: like I kept seeing like you, you need to get
Speaker 1: that out there. My husband isn't properly bonding with my newborn?
Speaker 1: What do I do? It's making me fall out of
Speaker 1: love with him? Well, what does properly bonding look like
Speaker 1: to her? I don't know, but I think bonding is
Speaker 1: different for everyone. If he's ignoring the newborn, well then
Speaker 1: of course you're seeing a side of someone that maybe
Speaker 1: you don't want to see. Um, But bonding is different
Speaker 1: for everyone. So, for example, for my husband, bonding with
Speaker 1: his boys was feeding them every night, getting up with them,
Speaker 1: feeding them, talking to them. But if I was hurt
Speaker 1: and I heard you just say that, I immediately within
Speaker 1: look at my husband and be like, hey, why aren't
Speaker 1: you up every night feeding our baby? And she could
Speaker 1: ask that question and she would be right to do.
Speaker 1: So why is it her responsibility? Why is it female responsibility?
Speaker 1: She would be absolutely right in asking her husband, why
Speaker 1: aren't you getting up. Why am I getting up? Look
Speaker 1: the protect His answer is, I have to get up
Speaker 1: and go to work tomorrow. Well, I mean we all
Speaker 1: have to get up and go to work tomorrow. Whether
Speaker 1: you're a mother, whether you're a stay at home mother,
Speaker 1: or whether you're working, We're all getting up the next
Speaker 1: day to work. God willing, We're all getting up the
Speaker 1: next day to work. The issue here is that women
Speaker 1: are understanding in a marriage that the jig is up.
Speaker 1: Marriage is an institution made by men for men. Men
Speaker 1: benefit period. Women get nothing out of this transaction, and
Speaker 1: every quality of life measure, men's quality of life goes up.
Speaker 1: So what is that mean? That means they get a
Speaker 1: raise once they're married. That means that means they have
Speaker 1: sex more than their single counterparts. That means they live longer.
Speaker 1: For every quality of life measure for women, when you
Speaker 1: get married, your quality of your life goes down. And
Speaker 1: that is a scientific fact. So this idea about marriage,
Speaker 1: it's an institution may buy men for men. Your husband
Speaker 1: benefits and you don't. So you have to figure out
Speaker 1: a way to benefit to make marriage benefit you. So
Speaker 1: what this woman is now seeing is that maybe her
Speaker 1: marriage doesn't even benefit her but now she's not even
Speaker 1: getting proper childcare or someone who's in it with her,
Speaker 1: proper support. So in that so you've got to ask yourself,
Speaker 1: is this the partner for me? Now? I just want
Speaker 1: to say, right after you have a baby, you might
Speaker 1: have a feeling like that, you might be looking at
Speaker 1: this through horrible glasses. So and so, just you gotta
Speaker 1: ask yourself. Like I said, I would look at my
Speaker 1: husband and be like, I want to punch your basin
Speaker 1: every time I see you. And he was a beautiful
Speaker 1: support to me and has always been. So we have
Speaker 1: to ask ourselves to the questions like, maybe there's something
Speaker 1: inside of me. Maybe I'm not bonding in a way
Speaker 1: that I want to bond and I'm putting it on
Speaker 1: and I'm projecting this onto you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And what does bonding mean for her for her her partner.
Speaker 1: I'm curious about what this all means. So I understand, uh,
Speaker 1: the actual concrete question, but I just have more questions. Right,
Speaker 1: what about when money becomes a stressor so oftentimes you
Speaker 1: know the husband will go back to work the um
Speaker 1: I mean, yes, the woman is still working, but she's
Speaker 1: on maternity leave or whatever it may be they want
Speaker 1: to have a date night, they want to create that intimacy.
Speaker 1: But then all of a sudden, you're having to pay
Speaker 1: a babysit or twenty dollars an hour so that you
Speaker 1: can do something. And then all of a sudden becomes
Speaker 1: this fight that like, is our night out worth a
Speaker 1: d eighty dollars for childcare and food, you know, whatever
Speaker 1: it may be, And then it becomes about you end
Speaker 1: up having a terrible day because you've already had fight
Speaker 1: leading up to it. Well, what you're describing, the deeper
Speaker 1: meaning and all of that is that you're mourning your
Speaker 1: old selves. You're in a bit of a trauma. You're
Speaker 1: mourning your old spontaneous self, your mourning the life that
Speaker 1: you once had. Really isn't about the money, really isn't
Speaker 1: about the babysitter. It's how you feel together. And you're
Speaker 1: both in mourning, and that's okay. It's not like that's
Speaker 1: a bad thing. But to be able to recognize that
Speaker 1: life has changed and it won't ever be the same
Speaker 1: again is a good Uh. Keeping it one hundred with
Speaker 1: yourself and keeping it one hundred with your partner and
Speaker 1: then finding new ways to create spontaneous uh positions to
Speaker 1: create spontaneous um because it's really about the spot tenaity.
Speaker 1: You could have date night all day long and it
Speaker 1: won't matter pst all planned and scheduled. It's really about
Speaker 1: getting in touch and keeping our creative selves because spontaneity
Speaker 1: is tapping into our childhoods. So however that money is,
Speaker 1: if money is tight, there are ways to create spontaneity
Speaker 1: in your life. There are ways to great intimate moments
Speaker 1: because if you collect those intimate moments like uh, like
Speaker 1: what is that called? We call them um marble jar moments? Right,
Speaker 1: I give you a marvel. I'll give you a marvel.
Speaker 1: I'll give you a marvel. Intimacy is the very same way.
Speaker 1: So if we continue to have those intimate connections, those
Speaker 1: disconnections won't be so significant. Right now, that makes sense?
Speaker 1: And I mean I think, uh, for me, what shifted
Speaker 1: was us talking about what we really enjoyed on a
Speaker 1: date because what would happen and most of the times
Speaker 1: when we weren't really enjoying our date night was because
Speaker 1: we were tired. At eight o'clock night, we were exhausted,
Speaker 1: So I would get that babysitter and at night, and
Speaker 1: then it was like we were both struggling, and then
Speaker 1: we weren't getting this night that we're hoping for. So
Speaker 1: we started shifting it and we said, let's do Saturday
Speaker 1: morning dates. And it was a total day drinking is
Speaker 1: and then you're such a good parent afterwards, like you're
Speaker 1: on You're putting their kids to bed, you have two
Speaker 1: approall spreads, an amazing brunch, and you have a little
Speaker 1: day sex, and then you're like at one o'clock you
Speaker 1: are on for to be the best parent of the year,
Speaker 1: you know. But Choosuly that was a huge shift for us.
Speaker 1: We would, you know, do Friday nights or whatever it was.
Speaker 1: And I just remember I would come to Friday night
Speaker 1: and I almost get anxiety and I'd be like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I have to one try to look good,
Speaker 1: to try to act like I'm having fun. Three try
Speaker 1: and it's just too late. I'm tired. Yea, yeah, Well
Speaker 1: I always tell couples, you know, with this whole date
Speaker 1: night thing, um have sex befo four. You go out
Speaker 1: because you're gonna be full, Like you're over forty now
Speaker 1: you're gonna be full. You ate some cheese, you don't,
Speaker 1: you know, just you're you're gonna want to go to bed,
Speaker 1: so have sex before you go out at night. That's
Speaker 1: a really good tip. And we're more morning sex people anyway,
Speaker 1: So I get it. I get it. Um. And then
Speaker 1: speaking of sex, somebody is saying my husband no longer,
Speaker 1: or I don't want my husband to go down on
Speaker 1: me anymore because I feel like my body has changed
Speaker 1: down there. If somebody's feeling like that, well, we're vaginal phobic.
Speaker 1: We know exactly what the penis does. We know that
Speaker 1: it comes, we know that appeas we know that it
Speaker 1: gets hard, we know that it creates babies. We we
Speaker 1: talk about the dick all day long, but we're scared.
Speaker 1: We're scared to talk about vaginas. I know women who
Speaker 1: have never looked at their own vagina. I can't see
Speaker 1: mine now. So because of this, we're vaginal phobic. We
Speaker 1: live in a vaginal phobic society. And so this idea
Speaker 1: that she doesn't want her husband to go down on her,
Speaker 1: I completely understand because everything around her is sending her
Speaker 1: that message too. That's just not her and it's gonna
Speaker 1: take her husband to really help her through that. We
Speaker 1: help each other, you know, we we we want to
Speaker 1: believe that we live in the society of like, you know,
Speaker 1: every man for himself and you have to love yourself
Speaker 1: and it's about how you feel about you. But guess
Speaker 1: what people can help you feel love for yourself. People
Speaker 1: can help you feel that you're vagina is the most
Speaker 1: beautiful thing to ever exist in the world. And if
Speaker 1: you're not getting that from your husband, do you say, like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm feeling insecure about this, is there a way you
Speaker 1: can support me? Or how how do you phrase it?
Speaker 1: Because I know if you know I was feeling that way,
Speaker 1: I would feel nervous to bring that topic up. So
Speaker 1: how do you bring it up in a way that
Speaker 1: you're going to get the result that you want. In
Speaker 1: situations that have to do with sex, it's always better
Speaker 1: to be very straightforward. I'm I'm insecure about what my
Speaker 1: vagina looks like. You need to tell me how beautiful is.
Speaker 1: Just just lay it out there and then you're gonna
Speaker 1: put your head down there for thirty five minutes and
Speaker 1: we're got so funny, okay, So that those are good tips,
Speaker 1: And then what about different parenting styles than creating issues
Speaker 1: with it? Because now it's all intertwined. Okay, So my
Speaker 1: hope is that before you have a child, that you
Speaker 1: really understand the parenting style of your partner. And how
Speaker 1: can you understand the parenting style of your partner. You
Speaker 1: can see how they love you, and once you realize
Speaker 1: how they're loving you is how they're probably going to
Speaker 1: love their kids. So I just want to point that
Speaker 1: out there, that you have some information already about what
Speaker 1: your partner will But sometimes kids come and our partners
Speaker 1: surprise us that they're not the parent that we thought
Speaker 1: that they would be. And by the way, with every kid,
Speaker 1: that parenting style may shift. So for example, when the
Speaker 1: kids were younger, I was the the authority in our house.
Speaker 1: Now that the kids are teenagers, he's more the authority.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you need to be the bad guy because
Speaker 1: I don't like this. You're gonna be there. Well, I've
Speaker 1: even noticed a difference between our you know, my stepdaughter
Speaker 1: and my daughter and then my son. My husband is
Speaker 1: way more strict with my son than he is with
Speaker 1: the girls. And I'm like, what, Like, the girls can
Speaker 1: do no wrong. He's like, oh yeah, yeah, or ask
Speaker 1: your mom. You're chocolate for him, and Cruise will do
Speaker 1: one little thing, Like he'll be like Mama, up up
Speaker 1: and he's like, you're a big boy, cruise. I'm like,
Speaker 1: why are you? Yes? I mean while I'm like, okay, baby,
Speaker 1: believe me. But I just want to say too. I
Speaker 1: really cannot stand when I hear women say, um, you
Speaker 1: know he's not a good husband or a good partner,
Speaker 1: but he's a great dad. No, No, it's all together.
Speaker 1: The foundation of being a great dad is being a
Speaker 1: great partner. Because your kids see it. Yes, they know, yes,
Speaker 1: Like I'm not saying that. Edwin and I have never
Speaker 1: gotten in a fight in our life, but our kids
Speaker 1: have never seen a scream at each other, Like there's
Speaker 1: never been like they have like they have never witnessed it.
Speaker 1: We were guests of somebody's house one day and the
Speaker 1: couple got into a fight in another room, and I
Speaker 1: remember my kids looking at me and just going what
Speaker 1: is happening? Like it was not just like an argument
Speaker 1: like hey, we're late, get in the car, you know whatever.
Speaker 1: It was like a real kind of drag out and
Speaker 1: they had like fear in their eyes, like what is
Speaker 1: Can you explain to me? Why are they talking to
Speaker 1: each other like that? You know, it's just so next level.
Speaker 1: And I truly think that like if you can figure
Speaker 1: out ways to communicate with your partner that that you
Speaker 1: feel comfortable for your kids to see, then like they're
Speaker 1: gonna feel safer. That's true. And I just want to
Speaker 1: point up, but point up, point out um that you
Speaker 1: know you're not always going to get the communication ten
Speaker 1: Like you're gonna have some squabbles. You may argue in
Speaker 1: front of your kids, but here's the reality. But if
Speaker 1: you if you're if you do argue in front of
Speaker 1: your kids, make sure that they see the resolution and
Speaker 1: they see love. So they need to see that because
Speaker 1: you're going to argue, Let's not pretend like, let's not
Speaker 1: pretend that you're not you're not going to argue in
Speaker 1: front of your husband, or that you're not going to
Speaker 1: have because you could have these little snide remarks which
Speaker 1: are even worse than out you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like at least they're seeing it's calling each other what
Speaker 1: they think and how they feel. And you know, every
Speaker 1: household has our own way of dealing with conference. It's
Speaker 1: there the idea of that however you're going to argue,
Speaker 1: however you're going to fight. Kids need to see resolution.
Speaker 1: They need to see what it looks like. What they
Speaker 1: need to see what an argument really looks like, and
Speaker 1: what it looks like to make good on that argument,
Speaker 1: what the conflict resolution looks like. So if you do
Speaker 1: have an argument or like, for I guess like if
Speaker 1: you're not having drag outs, or maybe maybe I can
Speaker 1: nag from time to time. Um, it's that they see
Speaker 1: you apologize or that they see that you're then being
Speaker 1: loving afterwards. Well it's you know what you could you
Speaker 1: could say. Let's say, I mean, are you I don't
Speaker 1: see you being an egg? But do you see yourself
Speaker 1: as one? I can I get a little naggy um
Speaker 1: In regards to timing, I really don't like um tardiness.
Speaker 1: And my husband is consistently late. Um, So I mean
Speaker 1: that's these are just the facts of our household. So
Speaker 1: it has to because like I, I like, I have
Speaker 1: a thing that works for me, So I don't consistently
Speaker 1: nag where I just like we get in the car
Speaker 1: and we'll just we're there, We're all is a family
Speaker 1: sitting in the car, and then when he comes out,
Speaker 1: I just don't say anything and then we laugh, or
Speaker 1: it becomes something like that because when I realized, with
Speaker 1: ten years under my belt, that when I am consistently
Speaker 1: like get in the car, we have ten minutes, we
Speaker 1: have whatever that then we're like at each other in
Speaker 1: the car. Soon I just sit in the car. But also,
Speaker 1: this is gonna sound bad. I fib I tell him
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes earlier than we ever need to be in
Speaker 1: I put it. I put it in the calendar, like
Speaker 1: bold face, like put it in the calendar as a
Speaker 1: calendar invite, what time do we need to be here?
Speaker 1: Fifteen meanwhile. Then we get there and they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're five minutes early, And he's like, why do you
Speaker 1: do that? And I'm like, you know what, that's not fibbing.
Speaker 1: You gotta do what you gotta do. Believe it. I mean,
Speaker 1: now I've been doing this for five years. You would
Speaker 1: think he'd be like, I bet she's lying about what
Speaker 1: time our flight leaves. But he still manages to make
Speaker 1: his way. But I think that, you know, the long
Speaker 1: and short of all of this is is like it's communication.
Speaker 1: We're not perfect, We're all going to make mistakes. But
Speaker 1: when it comes to intimacy, sex, everything shifting, it's like
Speaker 1: you have to open up and share with your partner
Speaker 1: what you need, even even in the nagging. I mean, look,
Speaker 1: kids will see that, they'll see, but they're probably focused
Speaker 1: more on your husband's response. They'll probably if he's ignoring that,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like there has to make
Speaker 1: you have to make sure that the communication is interrelational
Speaker 1: in front of your kids. My husband, I mean, my
Speaker 1: son always goes when my husband does get in the car,
Speaker 1: he goes, were trying to look handsome, Dad, were trying
Speaker 1: to look hands and we're doing your hair? What are
Speaker 1: you doing? Like every little crowm of detail And I
Speaker 1: always think it's so cute. Well, he's really asking why
Speaker 1: we are we waiting? Like what he's asking what you
Speaker 1: can't do? Which is interesting right, Like he's doing it.
Speaker 1: So you have to make sure that when you're having
Speaker 1: conversations with your partner that those conversations are kept one
Speaker 1: hundred and Look, you can say a lot of mean
Speaker 1: things to each other. Now I'm not talking about verbal abuse,
Speaker 1: and I'm not talking about emotional violence. I'm talking about
Speaker 1: the average run of the mail argument or tip for
Speaker 1: tad that you're going to get with your your your
Speaker 1: your husband or significant other. What's important is that kids
Speaker 1: see the communication number one is happening, that keep people
Speaker 1: are keeping it, keeping it one hundred and that there's
Speaker 1: a resolution to that argument. So that's what's most important
Speaker 1: that they see the resolution. So al right, So in closing,
Speaker 1: we have to keep it. I like that saying. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I want to steal it a little bit. We're keeping
Speaker 1: it a hundred and as if you're about to have
Speaker 1: a baby, if you're in the same situation as me,
Speaker 1: let's do a little homework before next week. We're going
Speaker 1: to talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly
Speaker 1: of pregnancy and childbirth. Um, what are our needs? Like,
Speaker 1: I need to do that, Like, I want to write
Speaker 1: down what my actual needs are because as you said that,
Speaker 1: did you see my face that like totally went blank.
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I have I don't know, I know.
Speaker 1: And by the way, you don't need to be pregnant
Speaker 1: to do that, because I'm asking myself, God, what do
Speaker 1: I need today? What are my needs? So it's okay
Speaker 1: to ask yourself that question on the regular basis. All right,
Speaker 1: So that's what we're gonna do it. We're gonna keep
Speaker 1: it a hundred and we're gonna do that for next week. UM,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us. And if you
Speaker 1: guys want more information on dr V, where can they
Speaker 1: find you? Uh? Instagram you can find me a doctor,
Speaker 1: d O C t O R Underscore V Underscore And
Speaker 1: for Twitter you can find me at dr V Underscore
Speaker 1: V Underscore tweet perfect. Thank you guys, see you next by.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, subscribe to radio or wherever you listen
Speaker 1: to podcasts