Speaker 1: Hi. I'm Vanessa Beyer and this is my brother Jonah.
Speaker 1: We're two siblings who love to talk about our childhood
Speaker 1: and nostalgia and how it shaped us into the people
Speaker 1: we are today, who are pretty What's up? If I
Speaker 1: do say so myself? Welcome to how did We get Weird?
Speaker 1: So Jonah, I just want to give you credit where
Speaker 1: credit is due. You're the one who suggested that we
Speaker 1: say we're pretty what's up? Yeah? Yeah, I wasn't sure
Speaker 1: the adjective this week. I was just feeling what's up?
Speaker 1: So that's cool. Yeah. Well, speaking of cool and you,
Speaker 1: we were trying to think of what our story from
Speaker 1: growing up this week should be, and you suggested a
Speaker 1: Matthew McConaughey impression showdown. Yeah, so you know, two pro
Speaker 1: comedians on the podcast and then me. You know, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: I'm familiar with your career. You're known for a love
Speaker 1: of impressions, and I actually I'm great at a couple
Speaker 1: of impressions on Matthew is one of them The Frog
Speaker 1: and Matthew McConaughey. And I recently was on a road
Speaker 1: trip with my wife Vicki, where we listened to the
Speaker 1: Matthew McConaughey audiobook green Lights Great for a road trip, Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: And every time kind of something good happens in his
Speaker 1: life after it, he punctuates it by going green light.
Speaker 1: So yeah, so we're listening to green Lights. I started
Speaker 1: doing this Matthew McConaughey impression to my wife, and I
Speaker 1: started doing it so much that she actually had to
Speaker 1: put a cap on how many times I'm allowed to
Speaker 1: do it to day? She was like, okay, Jo, you
Speaker 1: can do it five times a day. And I was
Speaker 1: talking to her before I came up, and she was like,
Speaker 1: you never was. I would kind of do it like
Speaker 1: to myself under my breath. I think this probably this
Speaker 1: like doesn't count if I'm not like saying it full volume.
Speaker 1: So we can get into it, should we introduce our
Speaker 1: guests and then get efficient, and then get into the
Speaker 1: showdown the Matthew McConaughey impression Showdown? Absolutely. Okay, Well, we're
Speaker 1: very excited our guest today. He's a friend of mine.
Speaker 1: He's an actor, a writer, a comedian who's appeared in
Speaker 1: a door written for many of her favorite shows, including
Speaker 1: Killing It, The Bear Search Party, and Shrill. His stand
Speaker 1: up special Karmen Christopher Street Special is available to stream.
Speaker 1: I'm Peacock. Please welcome our friend Carmen Christopher. Yes, thank
Speaker 1: you for having me. I love the show, Vanessa, Jonah,
Speaker 1: it's an honor to be here. It's an honor to
Speaker 1: have you. And let's get straight into business with the
Speaker 1: Matthew McConaughey impression showdown. Note, Carmen, have you ever done
Speaker 1: an impression of Matthew McConaughey before I did an impression
Speaker 1: of Matthew McConaughey after he hits a bong? What he
Speaker 1: sounds like? WHOA? Okay, Okay, I think me and two
Speaker 1: of people I was in a sketch group with we
Speaker 1: did this a while ago. So how should we? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I wasn't sure how to structure this. I guess you
Speaker 1: know there's I actually have a couple. I have two
Speaker 1: big impressions, McConaughey and Kermit the Frog, as if you mentioned,
Speaker 1: and actually do a McConaughey and then I do an
Speaker 1: impression of Kermit doing McConaughey. So do we want to
Speaker 1: start with yours? Jonah? And then maybe we'll do Carmen's.
Speaker 1: So mine is a classic. Alright, alright, alright, great, nice,
Speaker 1: Thank you nice. I'm nice. You're next. Okay, cool. Can
Speaker 1: you guys just ask me any question and I'll respond
Speaker 1: as McConaughey. Okay, what did you eat for lunch today?
Speaker 1: That's pretty cool? And that's him Stone or no, that
Speaker 1: was a separate He's probably always Stone. I'm yeah, yeah, right,
Speaker 1: all right, okay, hey, that's sure. Can we ask you
Speaker 1: another question? Yeah? Yeah, let's I mean, you go as
Speaker 1: long as you want, Okay, Jonah, what's your question? What's
Speaker 1: your question from Matthew McConaughey, Hey, matt what's your favorite
Speaker 1: sports team? Man? As long as on the field? Baby, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, you know, if I was prepared, it
Speaker 1: would have been incredible. Now we're really springing this on you.
Speaker 1: I think you're doing a great job. Okay, do you
Speaker 1: want to tell us what question ask and then you
Speaker 1: can have the answer prepared. I like not knowing the question, Okay, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: improp because we both came up in the Chicago improp scene.
Speaker 1: That's right, Okay, Jonah, go ahead. Sounds like you have
Speaker 1: looks like yeah, well, Vanessa, I was scious about hearing
Speaker 1: your McConaughey oh right, okay, yeah, well, why don't you
Speaker 1: ask me a question as McConaughey, Okay, hey, Matt, what's
Speaker 1: your favorite movie? I love Days and Keep Fuse because
Speaker 1: that's where I started saying, alright, alright, alright, and I
Speaker 1: love being in that movie. Wow. Okay, I'm almost like
Speaker 1: wondering now if we should do a scene where we're
Speaker 1: all I like that. I like that. Let's do it.
Speaker 1: It's like an improv scene. Yeah, like, well, maybe should we?
Speaker 1: How are you going to get us suggestion? Suggestion from
Speaker 1: our producer Olivia? Olivia gives us a she gives us.
Speaker 1: What's she going to give us? Like a word? Or
Speaker 1: should she give us like a location? Bottle? Is the word?
Speaker 1: She gave us? A bottle? Okay, okay, man, I don't
Speaker 1: know about you, but I keep getting older and these
Speaker 1: bottles they stay the same age. Hey, that one looks
Speaker 1: pretty old. It might have expired. You might not want
Speaker 1: to drink you it has anyone seemed a bottle. I
Speaker 1: think I lifted under the bleaches. My dude, bro, let
Speaker 1: me tell you something. I love high school. Who's that
Speaker 1: little green dude over there? Alright? Alright, alright, oh my god,
Speaker 1: we got Kermit Kit and he's doing Matthew McConaughey and seen.
Speaker 1: It's funny because like I had all those feelings of
Speaker 1: like when like you do improv in Chicago and you're
Speaker 1: like so aware of how bad it is and like
Speaker 1: you like want to give up, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's it's the most cringing moments. I have the visceral
Speaker 1: reaction to that you're saying that of like knowing that
Speaker 1: the scene is going bad and knowing that you absolutely
Speaker 1: can't bail in the way Carmen just did. So you
Speaker 1: have to totally bailed. You know this. We weren't billing
Speaker 1: this as an improv Vanessa. Have you ever been like
Speaker 1: having like a rough improv show and pulled out one
Speaker 1: of your impressions that you know will get some laughs
Speaker 1: to try to sort of salvage it. That's such a
Speaker 1: good question. You know. I never really officially was doing
Speaker 1: like celebrity impressions until I was on SNL, But I
Speaker 1: did like impressions of my teachers and stuff. Oh you
Speaker 1: know what I would do sometimes I would do like
Speaker 1: the child actor character in scenes. Yeah, but not really
Speaker 1: because that's kind of looked down upon in Chicago improv,
Speaker 1: like you're not really supposed to like pull out anything
Speaker 1: that like exists. That is funny. Wait, that's interesting because
Speaker 1: we talked about this, but I saw my first memorable
Speaker 1: time seeing Vanessa. We did not know each other as
Speaker 1: like a student aiol but I saw your SNL audition
Speaker 1: And this is so crazy. Carmen saw me audition for
Speaker 1: SNL in Chicago and you saw it live. Yeah, he
Speaker 1: came to it because I did an audition in Chicago
Speaker 1: for Lauren and a bunch of the writers and then
Speaker 1: people could cut. It was like an unannounced show that
Speaker 1: people could come to. Yeah, And Carmen just told me
Speaker 1: when we were hanging out like a month ago, that
Speaker 1: he was at my audition. Wow. Yeah, it was crazy
Speaker 1: because it popped like you had like a tight set,
Speaker 1: and in Chicago that's like kind of any type of
Speaker 1: tight sets. Like how the fuck did you do that?
Speaker 1: Why were you getting good at comedy? You know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Like where did that come from? That's kind
Speaker 1: of what like, So that's what I was thinking. It
Speaker 1: was like, how did you like? No, I guess because
Speaker 1: when I was new to Chicago and like seeing that
Speaker 1: people could audition for SNL was mind blowing. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it just happens in this room. They're gonna pick somebody
Speaker 1: from this fucking room. This right, this absolute you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. But it was like, how did you
Speaker 1: were you just like in your room being like I
Speaker 1: want to be on SNL. Fuck it, I'm gonna like
Speaker 1: work out. I'll tell you exactly what happened, which is
Speaker 1: that like a year before I got on SNL, I
Speaker 1: got really focused on it, Like I just was like,
Speaker 1: I really would like to be on SNL. Like before that,
Speaker 1: I always knew that I wanted to do something I
Speaker 1: would want to be like in TV. Like I thought
Speaker 1: like I would be so cool to be like on
Speaker 1: the office or something like that. Like I always was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I love TV. I want to be on TV. But
Speaker 1: then like a year before I got on SNL, I
Speaker 1: was like, I think I want to do SNL, Like
Speaker 1: I think that's actually what I want. And so I
Speaker 1: took this workshop with Matthew Miller. Matt Mill yes, yes,
Speaker 1: he did those, yeah, the on camera ones, yes, and
Speaker 1: so those were pretty new they became I think those
Speaker 1: are pretty new. And then Paul Britton was in my class,
Speaker 1: who also got on SNL at the same time as me,
Speaker 1: and I think he had taken It was like a workshop.
Speaker 1: It was a two two. He was super funny because
Speaker 1: like that Mexican sports announcer yeah yeah, yeah, or like
Speaker 1: you'd speak in Spanish or something as an ESPN portes announced.
Speaker 1: I don't remember, yeah yeah. So I took this workshop
Speaker 1: with Matthew Miller, who was like a comedy director in Chicago.
Speaker 1: And basically what you did was you came into the
Speaker 1: class with impressions and characters and you did like a
Speaker 1: five minute thing where you did impressions and characters for
Speaker 1: the class. So that's where I came up with Miley
Speaker 1: and I did a Madonna impression. I think those were
Speaker 1: my only impressions of like celebrity, and then the rest
Speaker 1: were characters. And then you did those characters and impressions
Speaker 1: for the class, and then the class and matt would
Speaker 1: give you notes, and then you came back two weeks
Speaker 1: later having worked on your stuff on your own, like
Speaker 1: with the notes that you were given, and you would
Speaker 1: put it on tape, so you didn't get notes again
Speaker 1: two weeks later. You just put it on tape two
Speaker 1: weeks later. So basically I made this tape of myself
Speaker 1: doing Miley and doing Madonna and doing these other characters
Speaker 1: like the child actor, which I was doing at the
Speaker 1: Annoyance Theater too at that time. A character that was
Speaker 1: sort of like the bar mitsfoot boy, but his name
Speaker 1: was Austin and he loved Rocks and there's something else.
Speaker 1: It turned out to be Missus Meadows on SNL, my
Speaker 1: poetry teacher. So I did those characters and impressions, and
Speaker 1: I gave this DVD tape that I made in this
Speaker 1: workshop to the owner of IO, Sharna, and I gave
Speaker 1: him to my agent at the time in Chicago, and
Speaker 1: they didn't do anything with me. Yeah. So then a
Speaker 1: year later, Sharna was like auditioning people to be in
Speaker 1: the SNL showcase, and I emailed her to be in
Speaker 1: it because it was like open to anyone on a team,
Speaker 1: and I emailed her to do it. I'm sorry if
Speaker 1: I'm giving so much, she tells school She was like,
Speaker 1: can you come in an hour? An auditioned for me.
Speaker 1: So basically all I did was I watched my tape
Speaker 1: back because I was like, I gave her this tape
Speaker 1: a year ago, she clear, So I watched my tape
Speaker 1: back and then I went into IO and I auditioned
Speaker 1: for her with exactly what was on that tape, and
Speaker 1: she put me in the showcase. And then I asked
Speaker 1: my agency. It wasn't my last I had good agents.
Speaker 1: I eventually got really good agents in Chicago, but I
Speaker 1: was with these other agents and I was like, did
Speaker 1: you ever send my tape to SNL? And they were like,
Speaker 1: do you know where we send it to? I was like,
Speaker 1: oh boy, And actually by that time I had left
Speaker 1: those agents. I was with better Anyway. The point is,
Speaker 1: I'll give you all the names when we're off the mic. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But anyways, so then she put me in the showcase
Speaker 1: and I basically did what was on that tape in
Speaker 1: the showcase. So it had been something that I'd been
Speaker 1: working on like a year before that never saw the
Speaker 1: left day cool. So that you had that thing ready,
Speaker 1: that's how it goes. Yeah, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: you have the thing ready. I think it's about having
Speaker 1: that stuff ready. Well. I will say also, Vanessa always had,
Speaker 1: especially when we were kids, had a very strong work ethic.
Speaker 1: Vanessa had like a four point five GPA, was in
Speaker 1: all AP classes, would study a lot I was different.
Speaker 1: If she's trying to do something she can she can
Speaker 1: work really hard towards it, and I think that's kind
Speaker 1: of the same deal. That's so nice, Thanks Johona, if
Speaker 1: anythink that's true though, Vanessa, Yeah, but I also think
Speaker 1: I always was impressed by just like how much of
Speaker 1: a natural brainiac you are, well, like you've just got
Speaker 1: You're just so smart and can kind of figure stuff out.
Speaker 1: If Jonah and I were given the same book to read,
Speaker 1: he would read it like five times faster than me. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But I also think it was cool because you would
Speaker 1: get straight a's and all ap classes. And if I
Speaker 1: got like a couple as, it was like, I would
Speaker 1: get all this praise because it was like, you, guys,
Speaker 1: I got a two point seven five and I was thrilled.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm fucking genius, dude. Yeah, B minus GPA.
Speaker 1: That's so good. I'm serious. Where did you go to
Speaker 1: high school? So I grew up in Chicago and then well,
Speaker 1: I went to high school at Riverside Brookfield High School,
Speaker 1: which is like a western suburb. Yeah, I went to
Speaker 1: a great school that was around there as well. But yeah,
Speaker 1: my high school was like interesting because it kind of
Speaker 1: had a little bit of everything. We had really rich
Speaker 1: kids and then we had really you know, just working
Speaker 1: class type. It was like a pretty wide range of people.
Speaker 1: Me going to college was like, I had no idea
Speaker 1: was ever. You didn't even go to college. Nobody in
Speaker 1: my family went to college. So I was like when
Speaker 1: it happened, I was like, whoa, this is happening. This
Speaker 1: is crazy. University of Iowa came to my school. They
Speaker 1: gave out a folder and you do this calculation. If
Speaker 1: you're act times your GPA is above a certain number,
Speaker 1: you can get in. And I was just could barely
Speaker 1: get in. I was like, holy shit, wait, I think
Speaker 1: I can go to college. I think I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: to Hiowa. I applied to one school, visited one school,
Speaker 1: applied to one school. It's like, I guess I'm just
Speaker 1: going here. That's great. And did you like it there? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I did. But looking back, I'm just like I wish
Speaker 1: I had a hobby besides drinking, you know what I mean. Like,
Speaker 1: I was just like, you know, you go to college
Speaker 1: to learn how to do laundry right live alone, So
Speaker 1: it was like good for that. I mean, I guess
Speaker 1: I got a business degree. I wish I would have
Speaker 1: retained more. Yeah, you can do so much, you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: business stuff, business stuff. Yeah. How did you get into
Speaker 1: comedy though, because I you know, people who listen to
Speaker 1: this podcast probably pretty sure they know that I was
Speaker 1: in an all female sketch comedy musical parody troup called
Speaker 1: Bloomers in college, and that's kind of how I really
Speaker 1: made that trend. Yeah, it's not a big deal, and
Speaker 1: that's barely ever talks about it. They barely ever talk
Speaker 1: about it. How did you get into comedy? Was that
Speaker 1: post college? It was post college? Yeah. I was twenty
Speaker 1: five or twenty six when I started taking classes at
Speaker 1: Second City, working a sales job at a logistics company,
Speaker 1: and I just was a a really point in my
Speaker 1: life where I was like, I don't want to do
Speaker 1: and I want to be in corporate America for the
Speaker 1: rest of my life, so I have to make a move,
Speaker 1: Like what am I going to do? And I just
Speaker 1: straight up and asked myself, if I could do anything,
Speaker 1: what would it be, And like I wanted to be
Speaker 1: on SNL for real, But you know, it put me.
Speaker 1: I lived a block from Second City, and I just
Speaker 1: always walked by and I was like, what the hell,
Speaker 1: look at all these famous comedians on the wall. They tricky,
Speaker 1: this is how they get you. And then I like
Speaker 1: took a date to a Second City main stage show
Speaker 1: and I like had no idea what the fuck they
Speaker 1: were talking about? What are these political things? Are? Like?
Speaker 1: This is like but I loved it, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. I was like, this looks insane. This is
Speaker 1: so cool. And so then I just walked by every
Speaker 1: day and I was like, I got to sign it
Speaker 1: for classes here or something, and I was just telling
Speaker 1: everybody that or my parents that. I was like, it
Speaker 1: was to help my sale so I can speak better,
Speaker 1: you know when I go on sales meetings, And truly
Speaker 1: like first day did a Second City whole a class
Speaker 1: and was like I know what I'm doing for the
Speaker 1: rest of my life. Wow. Yeah. It was pretty instantaneous
Speaker 1: where I like jumped all in, took classes at every
Speaker 1: theater io annoyance Second City, and took acting classes at
Speaker 1: this place called black Box, which is really great. And
Speaker 1: Leah went from like being really bad and learning to
Speaker 1: like four or five years later doing truly ten shows
Speaker 1: a week wow, while still working fucking my sales jobs.
Speaker 1: So did you use like your business stuff like day
Speaker 1: to day over like someone's like that coffee's four dollars
Speaker 1: and you're like, I'm gonna put interest on it in
Speaker 1: a quarter now, and you know take dividends. No, not
Speaker 1: at all. Do you mean like improv shows? No? I
Speaker 1: mean like business, like your business degree and like just
Speaker 1: like buying stuff like negotiating or something. Yeah. I don't
Speaker 1: think my business degree I use. But I think because
Speaker 1: I worked in sales for eight years, my brain naturally
Speaker 1: formed to where I like look at things from like
Speaker 1: a business standpoint, and I guess like I don't know
Speaker 1: an example of that, but like like I'm very aware.
Speaker 1: For example, like in sales, it's like the more phone
Speaker 1: calls you make, the more business you're gonna land. So
Speaker 1: in comedy, it was pretty quick, like I knew right
Speaker 1: away it was like, well, the more shows I do,
Speaker 1: the better I'm gonna get. Yeah, so it's like I
Speaker 1: have to do a show every night, or have to
Speaker 1: see a show every night. So it was just like
Speaker 1: something like I was like I need to be doing
Speaker 1: something comedy every single night if I truly want to
Speaker 1: do this, because there's so many people doing it, Like
Speaker 1: how do you stand out? And you know, but that
Speaker 1: was the thing too. It was like there were so
Speaker 1: many people in Chicago who were so good at improv. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but they like weren't funny, they weren't you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. But they were just so sound and like
Speaker 1: really good. And I was like, wait, I think I could,
Speaker 1: Like I just have to learn how to do whatever
Speaker 1: the fuck they're doing. They're like I don't know how
Speaker 1: to do, and it's just like patience listening all these things.
Speaker 1: And I was like, that is like what I had
Speaker 1: to work on more than like anything, you know, right
Speaker 1: right right? Yeah, am I like going on a crazy rant? No, No,
Speaker 1: it's great. I thought you're gonna say, if I got
Speaker 1: up there, the more jokes I told, the more chance
Speaker 1: I would have to be funny. So I'd just tell
Speaker 1: as many jokes as I could. Sure that works, Yeah,
Speaker 1: for sure. Go to an open mic, don't say, hey,
Speaker 1: how's everybody doing? Yeah you got to squeeze in a
Speaker 1: joke instead of using the straight into it. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: totally good business decision. Yeah, totally. I actually thought you
Speaker 1: were going to say that too. I thought you're going
Speaker 1: to say the more jokes I do the more will Land.
Speaker 1: I thought you were going to say that time that
Speaker 1: me and you were on that airplane and we heard
Speaker 1: that guy in that really allowed business call. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: this affected our whole life. Thought it was like the funny.
Speaker 1: We talked about it for years. I don't even know
Speaker 1: how to explain it. So we were on a plane
Speaker 1: and there was this guy who was doing business on
Speaker 1: a phone calling okay, and he was literally to the
Speaker 1: point where it felt like it was a bit. He
Speaker 1: was using so much business lingo, like some specific things
Speaker 1: I remember where he said, we need to add some
Speaker 1: color to the options so it's not just and he said,
Speaker 1: we need to really flesh out the characters so it's
Speaker 1: not just names on a page. He said, like we
Speaker 1: need to really come up like it was like stuff
Speaker 1: that was like it almost was like someone he was
Speaker 1: saying nothing, but he was using the right phrases, so
Speaker 1: it seemed like he was saying something really important. The
Speaker 1: other person that I've taken this to is Red Armis,
Speaker 1: and he also thinks the stuff is really funny. And
Speaker 1: the thing that he's I hope it's okay that I
Speaker 1: don't think he would mind the thing that He's pointed
Speaker 1: out to me too that business people do, or like
Speaker 1: a lot of people doing conversation, is they say again
Speaker 1: when things haven't been said yet. So they'll be like
Speaker 1: and again, this is not but no one said it yet,
Speaker 1: so again connotates that it's you know, not the first time.
Speaker 1: But so he and I have done a lot of
Speaker 1: stuff with that too. But yeah, Jonah, I heard this
Speaker 1: phone call and it was like life change. We did
Speaker 1: bits about it. I can't remember. We're gonna maybe try
Speaker 1: and do something with it more if you're gonna make
Speaker 1: like a video out of it, where like writing down
Speaker 1: these people to remember these things. We started writing it
Speaker 1: down what this guy was saying because we thought it
Speaker 1: was so funny. It's so funny how people can just
Speaker 1: be living their lives and Joan and I will think
Speaker 1: it's the funniest thing in the world. I mean, I
Speaker 1: love I stare at people all the time. I'm always
Speaker 1: like staring at people and they're like, look at me,
Speaker 1: and they're like, what do you like? You can feel
Speaker 1: like they're like, what the fuck are you looking at?
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm just curious what you're doing, you know, like,
Speaker 1: what are you doing? Weird. I like that. Keep being fun.
Speaker 1: It's fun. Yeah, And you know what I love doing Actually,
Speaker 1: I love staring at somebody who's staring at someone else.
Speaker 1: Ever do that. That's a cool train thing. Like you'll
Speaker 1: see somebody across and you're like, interesting, this person is
Speaker 1: doing something weird. And then what I'll do is I'll
Speaker 1: look around the train and see who's staring at the
Speaker 1: person doing something weird, and see how they're reacting to
Speaker 1: the weird person. You know what I like to do.
Speaker 1: That's kind of similar to that. And I was with
Speaker 1: some friends last night and we were watching this Disney
Speaker 1: movie Stuck in the Suburbs Starting Tear and Kill Him
Speaker 1: when he was like in his early twenties and he
Speaker 1: plays popst Jordan kay Hill. Anyway, everyone can look it up.
Speaker 1: You can watch on Disney. Plus, I love looking at
Speaker 1: the people whose line it isn't and how they're reacting
Speaker 1: while the people next to them are saying lines in
Speaker 1: a movie, So especially when it's child actors. So in
Speaker 1: this movie, the main character would be like talking, and
Speaker 1: then another character there were like these three girls that
Speaker 1: are friends with the main girl. Plus Brenda Song plays
Speaker 1: like her actual friend. But then there's these three girls
Speaker 1: that she's sort of like hot and cold, friends with friends,
Speaker 1: friend of mees. These three girls are just like making
Speaker 1: really interesting acting choices. But there would be one point
Speaker 1: when the girl in the middle would be talking and
Speaker 1: the girl to her right would be like completely like
Speaker 1: blank stares, like not even like trying, and you're like,
Speaker 1: why didn't anyone tell her to? I think it's okay
Speaker 1: to make fun of this because she's an adult now
Speaker 1: and she probably won't hear this, but just doing nothing.
Speaker 1: And then at other points you could tell that the
Speaker 1: director was just pretend to be talking, and you could
Speaker 1: tell she was just going like mom, like you could
Speaker 1: tell she wasn't saying anything. It is so fun to
Speaker 1: watch people people just starting acting. This is mean okay,
Speaker 1: but just starting acting, and they're just like, when it's
Speaker 1: not my wine, I'm just going to do whatever the
Speaker 1: hell I want. Yeah, Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah, that's so funny.
Speaker 1: I mean, I love just in general watching good acting
Speaker 1: because you're like, how did this person get so good,
Speaker 1: Like how did they get lost in this role? So well?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah, But bad acting, where it's somebody that's
Speaker 1: not listening, is just to satisfying almost, but it's so funny.
Speaker 1: It is really funny. It's pretty funny. Well, we're gonna
Speaker 1: take a quick commercial break and we'll be right back
Speaker 1: with Carmen Christopher and we're back. So Carmen, before we
Speaker 1: get into your topic for today, I just wanted to
Speaker 1: say that a couple of nights ago, I was lucky
Speaker 1: enough to go see your live show, which was so funny.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm trying to think of Joanah. I wish
Speaker 1: you could have seen it. I wish everyone listening could
Speaker 1: have seen it. They could see it again, Yeah April
Speaker 1: twenty four at the Allusian Theater. Or yeah, April seventh
Speaker 1: at the Bell House in New York. Whoa the Bell House?
Speaker 1: The Bellhouse, Yes, we did a live show there once
Speaker 1: and maybe we will again. Love the Bell House and
Speaker 1: Union Hall. I love Yes, I love them both. Carmen.
Speaker 1: Now we want to talk about your topic, which I
Speaker 1: thought was really great. You wanted to talk about school dances. Now,
Speaker 1: you know, I guess what my first questions are, why
Speaker 1: did you want to talk about these? Like what did
Speaker 1: they mean to you? And also when you think of
Speaker 1: a school dance, what specific kind of dances are you
Speaker 1: thinking of that's funny interesting in like theme of the show,
Speaker 1: dancing is so embarrassing, especially when you're like a kid.
Speaker 1: I think that my comedy is humiliating at times. Once
Speaker 1: you dive in, you're just like, well, this is actually
Speaker 1: really fun the way maybe improv could feel like humiliating.
Speaker 1: But if you like dive in and try it, it's
Speaker 1: cool and fun. I just thought and theme it would
Speaker 1: be good with the show. But I'm not like and
Speaker 1: I don't think anybody else has talked about it, like
Speaker 1: I'm not a good dancer. Dancing hasn't like sent me
Speaker 1: on any path in life. I just think it's funny
Speaker 1: how nerve wracking it is in grade school, like having
Speaker 1: to like ask somebody to dance, where do you put
Speaker 1: your hands, Like nobody your parents aren't at home teaching
Speaker 1: you like how to do a dance, a school dance.
Speaker 1: I was thinking about high school. The dance gets turned
Speaker 1: up where it's like there's circles and there's people grinding,
Speaker 1: and I think that's pretty funny. And I remember high school,
Speaker 1: like freshman year, my first dance with seniors, you're like
Speaker 1: basically hanging out with adults as like a tiny kid.
Speaker 1: But I remember the first circle and I was like
Speaker 1: looking from the outside and I gotta get in there,
Speaker 1: so scared and just being like I gotta get in there.
Speaker 1: And then there was like a junior and I jumped
Speaker 1: in and I danced with her and I was just like,
Speaker 1: I'm fucking alive, baby, Well, can't you know it's really
Speaker 1: interesting about this that I'm thinking about that. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you did this. I don't know why we
Speaker 1: did this, but you know, it's Cleland. Both took ballroom
Speaker 1: dancing classes that our parents made us take when we
Speaker 1: were like kids, and I did not like it. Interesting.
Speaker 1: It's a Cleveland thing. It's something. It's Cleveland. It's like
Speaker 1: there's some dance teacher. If you're not from Cleveland, this
Speaker 1: sounds insane. But because we had barnbought Mitzvah's also makes
Speaker 1: it sound like we're like one hundred years old. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it stayed because we there were
Speaker 1: so many barn about Mitzvah's like every weekend in seventh grade.
Speaker 1: So you did this in sixth grade? You took ballroom dancing? Okay, now,
Speaker 1: Jonah as a correction, because this is like something I'm
Speaker 1: still mad at our parents about, particularly Mom, although I've
Speaker 1: gotten over it. Mom thought I wouldn't want to take
Speaker 1: it because you didn't want to take it, and so
Speaker 1: she signed me up for line dancing classes with Terry
Speaker 1: Macklin at the JCC, which I hated because I didn't
Speaker 1: know anybody there and I was learning line dances and
Speaker 1: I wasn't getting to slow dance with boys I had
Speaker 1: crushes on. Okay, yeah, so who By the way, To
Speaker 1: be fair, the boys I had crushes on probably hated
Speaker 1: being there as much as you hated being there, so
Speaker 1: probably I would. I felt like it was every week
Speaker 1: it was like me I would roll up over with
Speaker 1: Michael Daniels, Howard Rudolf and we would I would put
Speaker 1: all this gel in my hair, I'd have to work
Speaker 1: a sports jack and then they would teach us dancing
Speaker 1: and it was like always just very I don't know,
Speaker 1: I just like didn't ross, don't forget about wass it?
Speaker 1: Just like you got pretty dumped up for something that Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that's a kind of interesting part. I remember really
Speaker 1: not liking it, but I also remember really prepping for it,
Speaker 1: Like really, you remember that green gel and those like
Speaker 1: circular combs with all the spikes on them, for sure. Yeah,
Speaker 1: those are the bus made them, like La gear or
Speaker 1: some shit. It was. It was like la looks it
Speaker 1: kind of looked like jello. Yes, yeah, it was like green.
Speaker 1: I remember it. I remember it. It was like a
Speaker 1: green yeah, and you kind of took a little scoop
Speaker 1: of it. Yeah. And I was telling my wife the
Speaker 1: other day I got my hair cut, so I don't
Speaker 1: want to go off on too much of it. No, no no, no,
Speaker 1: go ahead. I got my hair cut at this place
Speaker 1: by these old Italian guys, Giseppe. Yeah, and they called
Speaker 1: me Giuseppe, which is so funny because my name is
Speaker 1: Jonah and like I'm not Italian, and they would call
Speaker 1: me Giuseppe. And this guy had some plant in the
Speaker 1: corner that like our grandfather had given him. There was
Speaker 1: like all these weird connections, but they nowhere no one
Speaker 1: else in my life since before after it's called me Giuseppe.
Speaker 1: But these barbers always are like, hey, Giuseppe. I guess so, yeah,
Speaker 1: they really liked you. I can't remember what they called dad.
Speaker 1: This story is going to take the mood down for
Speaker 1: a second, and I apologize, but when I was diagnosed
Speaker 1: with leukemia. I went to those guys to shave my
Speaker 1: head when I was fifteen, and I remember like going
Speaker 1: in there and things, thinking that they were going to
Speaker 1: be like, hey, it's just seppy sister, and they were
Speaker 1: kind of like hey, like they were like kind they
Speaker 1: were kind of bump, but they were nice. They shaved
Speaker 1: my head, and I think we both got our head shaved, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: And did you go with me and shave your head? Maybe?
Speaker 1: I don't remember. I mean I can't remember it. Wow,
Speaker 1: that seems like something you would remember. I vaguely, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it doesn't remember. It sounds like because I kind of
Speaker 1: remember Dad being like, I'll go get my head shaved too,
Speaker 1: and we were like, no, don't do it, like when
Speaker 1: he shaved his mustache right before your bromis, when we
Speaker 1: were like a different guy. We can't. That's funny because
Speaker 1: it was very sweet to the whole family to be like,
Speaker 1: let's shave our heads. But then you're walking around the
Speaker 1: grocery store like a bunch of skinheads. Yeah. I was
Speaker 1: actually already shaving my head, so I was like, that's right.
Speaker 1: I was kind of already this was pre Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: so it was no big deal for me. But I
Speaker 1: think when when I was doing better, we brought them
Speaker 1: like muffins or something, or we made cupcakes for them,
Speaker 1: so I think they knew that I was like doing
Speaker 1: okay after that, but I didn't get the whole like, hey, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just Eppie's sister, you know kind of thing. But anyways,
Speaker 1: maybe there said you had leukemia. Yeah, no, that is
Speaker 1: what it was. That is what it was. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: but back too. In some ways, Jonah did learn sort
Speaker 1: of like how to do slow dancing. I didn't again
Speaker 1: because I took line. I don't think what I learned
Speaker 1: in that ballroom dancing class translated right, because when we
Speaker 1: would be at school dances, you wouldn't be doing a
Speaker 1: full like waltz. It was like I also took Latin
Speaker 1: and eighth grade. This guys, phenomenon of English. It's like
Speaker 1: learning these things that don't really apply to one right right,
Speaker 1: right right now. Carmen, did you have like barnbot Mitzvah's
Speaker 1: every weekend in seventh grade? Or I don't think I
Speaker 1: had any Jewish friends, Hey, Carmen, you do now? Yes?
Speaker 1: Well then until I went to college, but a couple
Speaker 1: of my roommates were Jewish, well, there was one Jewish.
Speaker 1: I didn't understand religion at all, Like Jewish didn't mean
Speaker 1: anything to me, Like I yeah, Like I went to
Speaker 1: Catholic school in the city when I was at first,
Speaker 1: and then when we moved to the suburbs, like we
Speaker 1: took CCD classes and then my mom had to take
Speaker 1: me and my brother out because we weren't like doing
Speaker 1: any of the work. We basically failed CCD. What does
Speaker 1: CCD stand for? Like Christian something kind of fraternity of
Speaker 1: Christian doctrine, which is like I don't know if the
Speaker 1: fuck that is let's see, yeah, sufternity, but basically like
Speaker 1: their religious classes in public schools. But me and my
Speaker 1: brother were doing so bad and you like can't fail them,
Speaker 1: but we did because like they're boring goad it. So
Speaker 1: you didn't have barm ut missus, but you had like
Speaker 1: middle school dances. Those were like your earliest dances. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we had middle school dances. Do you remember what they
Speaker 1: were called? Because I remember we had one in our
Speaker 1: middle school called the Brady Bash. Oh yeah, and we
Speaker 1: had one called the sock cop I think, which I
Speaker 1: know was not an original name, but yeah, ours were
Speaker 1: called stockp The socop was in the gym, I think,
Speaker 1: and the Brady Bash was in the cafeteria. If I
Speaker 1: were called correctly. Yeah, that's cool. I think ours was
Speaker 1: also in the gym. But it's funny because it's like,
Speaker 1: why is it called it is like the old school
Speaker 1: of sock hop is like they really used to dance
Speaker 1: in their socks. No, we we had our shoes on.
Speaker 1: It's a very gendered thing, I think where the girl
Speaker 1: asked the guy to dance, or Sadie Hawkins dance. Oh
Speaker 1: that's Sadie Hawkins. Yeah. I remember in grade school me
Speaker 1: and all my boys going to like Marshalls to get vests.
Speaker 1: Nice word to the dance. Jonah was doing the same thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah I was, yeah, sure boy. Our team Francisco Jabbow
Speaker 1: that ship. Oh yeah, stuff was cool. Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: very cool. It's funny because we're older than you, Kermit,
Speaker 1: so it's funny that your bou was. It was just
Speaker 1: different age. That was probably cool to you. But I
Speaker 1: had an older brother and older sister, so what they
Speaker 1: were so I wore jabbow and cross colors, remember that?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, but it was funny. In high school, me
Speaker 1: and my boys would go to, uh where do we go?
Speaker 1: We go in too, like J C. Pennies or something
Speaker 1: Penny jac Penny Marshalls. Those are the spots. That's if
Speaker 1: you're looking for a deal on cool designer clothes. That's
Speaker 1: where absolutely your team Francisco's your bow that is. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But you know what we would do is I'd be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I like UCLA, like Bruins basketball or North Carolina basketball,
Speaker 1: or like the Charlotte Hornets. So I'd get like a
Speaker 1: purple shirt and a teal tie and I'd be like
Speaker 1: that That's how I'm dressed. Nice. Nice, I bet you
Speaker 1: looked awesome. Yeah, And would your boys roll up wearing
Speaker 1: the same kind of stuff. No, we'd all have different
Speaker 1: like color coordinations. But it was always like, oh, I
Speaker 1: like this basketball team's jersey. I want to do those colors.
Speaker 1: Like that's how you would like think about it, right, right, right,
Speaker 1: right right. Carmen, did you like were you into going
Speaker 1: to school dance? Because I feel like I hit a
Speaker 1: certain age ragout very into like punk rock and like
Speaker 1: these subcultures, and I was like, oh, I'm too cool
Speaker 1: for this, like normative stuff. Like society. I'm gonna like
Speaker 1: go hang out in a Duncan Donuts parking lot all night.
Speaker 1: And I think I was like pretty girl crazy in
Speaker 1: high school. Okay, so I love the dances. No, I
Speaker 1: think that's cool. No. The big difference for me between
Speaker 1: middle school and high school dances, and they're kind of
Speaker 1: like cringey and hard in different ways, is that middle
Speaker 1: school dances you wouldn't go with a date, whereas high
Speaker 1: school dances you you wouldn't always sometimes you wouldn't go
Speaker 1: with the date, you'd just go with your friends. But
Speaker 1: middle school dances I found to be so hard because
Speaker 1: for me, I would always be like waiting for a
Speaker 1: boy to ask me to dance, and like, yeah, sometimes
Speaker 1: they would, or sometimes I would go up to someone
Speaker 1: and ask them to dance, but it was always felt
Speaker 1: like this like NonStop anxiety of like, yeah, is someone
Speaker 1: going to ask me to dance? And then I would
Speaker 1: like sometimes we did. We had barmbump it says, like
Speaker 1: every weekend in seventh grade, and that would happen where
Speaker 1: I'd be like like I would ask people to dance
Speaker 1: and then I'd have to like wait to see and
Speaker 1: I like not a lot of guys would ask me
Speaker 1: to dance. I was always like, what it must be
Speaker 1: like for these girls in my grade who like, no
Speaker 1: going in like that they're going to just get asked
Speaker 1: to dance so much? And it was just like, and
Speaker 1: I don't think that I was. I didn't have like
Speaker 1: a horrible It wasn't like I felt, but it was
Speaker 1: just felt like this test every time I would go
Speaker 1: to these dances of like how many people are going
Speaker 1: to ask me? Who's going to ask me? Is anyone
Speaker 1: going to ask me? And it was just and then
Speaker 1: sometimes you would just fully walk away from the dance
Speaker 1: for especially if bar mumm Mitz was you know, you
Speaker 1: obviously there's tables with food and candy and stuff, and
Speaker 1: you just like kind of pretend that you didn't want
Speaker 1: to be dancing anyway because you wanted to like talk, yeah, talk,
Speaker 1: drink punch. I felt like I was always trying to
Speaker 1: cause trouble sort of me and my friends. Where at
Speaker 1: this venue, can we break into the kitchen? Can we
Speaker 1: find a bottle to smash or something? Or like what
Speaker 1: can we do that like we shouldn't be doing because
Speaker 1: this is like an adult place, maybe not smash bottles
Speaker 1: but we would find two leaders of like coke and
Speaker 1: throw them around. That's actually pretty fun. That sounds funny. See,
Speaker 1: I would have been down with that. Like that was
Speaker 1: like my grade school or so, it was like breaking shit. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so you're clearly a lot more mature than me and
Speaker 1: my friend before we move on to high school. The
Speaker 1: real tragedy of it all is that those were the
Speaker 1: guys I was trying to like wanting to ask me
Speaker 1: to dance. Are these guys that would be in my
Speaker 1: mind it was like they wanted to ask other people
Speaker 1: to dance when in their minds probably they just wanted
Speaker 1: to like go in the kitchen and break things like
Speaker 1: that was like what their focus was. Sure, but I
Speaker 1: was too young and like I had too much of
Speaker 1: my own insecurities to realize that, like they didn't really
Speaker 1: care about like a thing in middle school guys are yeah,
Speaker 1: they just like they want to go like jump on
Speaker 1: stuff like break bottles. You're projecting all the stuff to
Speaker 1: some person who just wants to shake up a two
Speaker 1: leader balaru beer and throw as high as they can
Speaker 1: into the ceiling. Well, and I do think that there
Speaker 1: is like also a world word is like these guys
Speaker 1: want to ask you to dance, but they're terrified and
Speaker 1: they know about like breaking something so much easier. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I think it can be very very anxiety inducing
Speaker 1: on kind of both sides, because there's also this fear
Speaker 1: of rejection and then but yeah, I mean it's like
Speaker 1: it's a lot of stress. I'm getting kind of stressed out,
Speaker 1: I know about this. The other thing about the middle
Speaker 1: school dance, it just was like there's something just so
Speaker 1: humiliating about like your parents have to drive you, yeah,
Speaker 1: or if you're so lucky, one of your friends has
Speaker 1: like an older sibling that school that will drive you.
Speaker 1: But it's like it's like really built up and like
Speaker 1: what do you wear? It's like every step of a
Speaker 1: middle school dance is like it's so public. It's so
Speaker 1: like you can't just like go in for a few minutes,
Speaker 1: like you have to really commit to the whole thing
Speaker 1: because you know, you don't have a car. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: I want to do a whole episode about being in
Speaker 1: your school after hours because but it's also so weird
Speaker 1: to be in your school at night because you're like,
Speaker 1: what the hell is going on? It feels like the
Speaker 1: haunted version of your school, like, oh, well, it's like
Speaker 1: at night, it's like you're allowed to be drunk. And
Speaker 1: I mean, I think we started drinking when I was like, actually,
Speaker 1: I guess we never drank and went to the dances.
Speaker 1: We drank after the dances through but in middle school
Speaker 1: or in high school, oh, high school, high school and
Speaker 1: not in middle school. The first time I didn't drink
Speaker 1: beer was like I had two beers in eighth grade
Speaker 1: and I was like fucked up, just like, yeah, that
Speaker 1: was awesome. Well, high school dances, I think are their
Speaker 1: own humiliating in a different way because you have to
Speaker 1: ask someone or someone has to ask you to go
Speaker 1: to that yes, and right like that in and of
Speaker 1: itself is just like that is so weird. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: like are you going to the stands? Like I don't know,
Speaker 1: maybe someone asked me. If not, I guess I'm just
Speaker 1: staying home that night. Yeah. And it's like I would
Speaker 1: ask guys because I wanted to go, but I would
Speaker 1: just like I wasn't really dating. And we've talked about
Speaker 1: ninth grade. I was homecoming court, but I had to
Speaker 1: get like a date, and like I so I asked
Speaker 1: Brett Berkervine because I wanted to have like a nice date,
Speaker 1: and like I asked him and he said yes, And
Speaker 1: like in retrospect, I know he didn't want to go
Speaker 1: with me, Like I feel like he was going to
Speaker 1: ask somebody else or something, but he was so nice
Speaker 1: that he just like said yes. It's such a big thing.
Speaker 1: In fact, I realized that I recently have started having nightmares.
Speaker 1: This is insane. Okay, I don't know if it's because
Speaker 1: of this podcast, so John, I'm not trying to blame
Speaker 1: you or anything, but or our producer Olivia or anything,
Speaker 1: but I've started having these dreams that like I go
Speaker 1: to these like high school dances. I'm in high school,
Speaker 1: but it's kind of like I go to these high
Speaker 1: school dances and I don't really have like a new
Speaker 1: dress or a date. I like didn't really get my
Speaker 1: hair done, which is the thing we used to do
Speaker 1: in high school for dances. Is like we wouldn't get
Speaker 1: our makeup done. We would get our hair done, and
Speaker 1: it would always be in something with like so many curls,
Speaker 1: so many clips, like in such a way that it's
Speaker 1: like we would have just left our hair down. It
Speaker 1: would have looked way better. But anyway, so just the
Speaker 1: idea that I go to these dances and I don't
Speaker 1: really like know anyone, and I don't really have a
Speaker 1: new dress, like and that's my like, that's where I'm
Speaker 1: at it in life. It's like I fully have been
Speaker 1: on Saturday Night Live. I've you know, I like job career.
Speaker 1: That's the thing that I've recently been going back to.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, just school dances, they're just so
Speaker 1: built up to it just feels so Yeah, it is
Speaker 1: weird how you're like, it's like such a parade around
Speaker 1: a bunch of young kids dressed up and yeah, exactly
Speaker 1: thinking pictures. It almost does feel like it could be like, hey,
Speaker 1: you guys just figure this shit on your own. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the way that parents take pictures before too. It feels
Speaker 1: so like it just such an event. And the other
Speaker 1: thing that I think is interesting is like I always
Speaker 1: went to school dances with people that I was friends with,
Speaker 1: meaning my date was always like a guy I was
Speaker 1: friends with, not someone that I was dating, because I
Speaker 1: didn't really date anyone in high school and so I
Speaker 1: didn't have like the pressure of like am I going
Speaker 1: to have Like I feel like a lot of teenagers
Speaker 1: have the pressure of like, am I going to have
Speaker 1: sex with this person? And I didn't have that pressure,
Speaker 1: but I still felt like it was a lot. I
Speaker 1: don't know. Yeah, that's funny. See, I went my Jews
Speaker 1: year and senior year to well to the prom with
Speaker 1: my girlfriend, so I didn't have that pressure. But I
Speaker 1: can't imagine. But like freshman sophomore year, I wasn't having
Speaker 1: sex and none of my friends were, so I didn't
Speaker 1: have Well, I guess it's just more pressure for a
Speaker 1: girl easily. Yeah, that's like, but I don't know, that's weird.
Speaker 1: It didn't mean to take us there. No, No, it's funny. No,
Speaker 1: it's it's no, not at all. It's just a weird
Speaker 1: the whole thing. But Carmen, I told you this the
Speaker 1: other night, and I just want to remind you I
Speaker 1: was prom queen. Yeah, that's awesome. Well, actually I don't
Speaker 1: know that I caught that. I remember you saying you're
Speaker 1: on the court. I didn't know that homecoming court in
Speaker 1: ninth grade. But yeah, I was senior year in your
Speaker 1: rom Queen. That's pretty cool. But you know, as I
Speaker 1: think I said the other night too, but I know
Speaker 1: it was you know, there's a lot going on that
Speaker 1: night because you had just done your show. You know,
Speaker 1: I had leukemia in high school, so probably why I
Speaker 1: wasn't too worried about having sex. But also people were
Speaker 1: really like inspired by me. That's sweet, that's awesome. Hey,
Speaker 1: those are good kids. I honestly, I had leukemia in
Speaker 1: high school and I loved high school. Everybody was so nice.
Speaker 1: But I will say, like you would be like sort
Speaker 1: of even though the voting was like private, Like what
Speaker 1: kind of a villain doesn't vote for the person who
Speaker 1: survived leukemia, Like I was kind of a shoe in
Speaker 1: for prom queen in retrospect. Yeah, that's interesting. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm actually wondering. There was a kid that had
Speaker 1: cancer in my high school and I don't know if
Speaker 1: he won, but he was definitely on the court. Remember. Yeah, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's pretty sweet. Yeah, kids are They can be great.
Speaker 1: They can be Yeah, they can be They could also
Speaker 1: be a really bad they can be bad. Well, why
Speaker 1: don't we have Kermit the Frog doing his Matthew McConaughey impression.
Speaker 1: Take us to our commercial break? Alright, alright, alright, we'll
Speaker 1: be back after this break. Green light, Okay, and we're
Speaker 1: back Okay, wow, remember before the commercial one, there was
Speaker 1: such a good Kermit impression. Probably people are still talking
Speaker 1: about that. I hope they were able to focus on
Speaker 1: the commercials, right. The product, Yeah, to use a business term, Carmen, product, Yeah,
Speaker 1: the product, input, output, cash flow, etc. ROI yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: that's some costs. Yeah, no point throwing bad money after
Speaker 1: good money, I say profit, profit loss, profit margins. Okay,
Speaker 1: first quarter, first quarter versus seven quarterly earnings, annual income salary.
Speaker 1: We're in the green, in the green, in the red,
Speaker 1: in the blue, black, red, green, in the red, green,
Speaker 1: positive red. Oh okay, so Carmen, right now, we're going
Speaker 1: to play a really fun game with you. It's called
Speaker 1: change dot dorc door, otherwise known as let's make fun
Speaker 1: of people who don't know how to use change dot org.
Speaker 1: So in this game, we'll bring up three different nostalgic
Speaker 1: things that people are trying to bring back via petition
Speaker 1: unchange dot org, and we'll each vote for our favorite.
Speaker 1: So we'll read all of them, we'll decide which one
Speaker 1: we would actually sign. Again, a lot of people just
Speaker 1: come unchanged dot org and do really insane petitions that
Speaker 1: are really fun for us to make fun of all in.
Speaker 1: I'm all in, Jonah. Do you want to read this
Speaker 1: first one? Yeah, I'll kick us off this one. And
Speaker 1: I was not familiar at all with the sandwich, which
Speaker 1: is shocking to me. But this one is called bring
Speaker 1: back the Subway Seafood Sensation. There's four hundred and sixty
Speaker 1: three signatures on this. It's a petition to Subway. It's
Speaker 1: really long, but folks, it's time we address a serious
Speaker 1: problem with society. Subway, in a shortsighted move, has discontinued
Speaker 1: the seafood since say, disglorious mix of imitation seafood and
Speaker 1: crab meat slathered in mayo and tapped with your choice
Speaker 1: of toppings, with a staple of my formative years. Blah
Speaker 1: blah blah, the culinary genius, the sumptuous combination or process
Speaker 1: crab and seafood. It's epitome of sandwich comfort. To know
Speaker 1: that such a thing existed and was intentionally tossed to
Speaker 1: the scrap heap of fast food menu items of your
Speaker 1: is a crime we must address. And so it goes on.
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah. Disguy's proposing marching in the streets, petitioning
Speaker 1: electric officials hunger strikes, civil disobedient social media posturing like
Speaker 1: nothing's off the table, bring it back, don't make us unreasonable.
Speaker 1: And this has a couple of comments on it. I
Speaker 1: miss a sandwich that I liked. I don't even eat
Speaker 1: Subway anymore because of this. I will not order anything
Speaker 1: but a seafood sub to only sandwich I get. And
Speaker 1: then someone else added signing because of the yummy taste. Carmen,
Speaker 1: what do you think you have any thoughts on the
Speaker 1: Subway seafood sensation? You know what, I'll tell you what.
Speaker 1: Subway Sandwiches is one of the strongest franchise ins in
Speaker 1: the game because think about how bad they're fucking sandwiches are.
Speaker 1: They've been in business for like fifty years now, so
Speaker 1: this guy can try to do as many petitions as
Speaker 1: he wants. But you ain't taken down a giant man.
Speaker 1: You ain't taken down. Yeah, yeah, like you guy's done.
Speaker 1: It's wasting time. Does this sandwich sound appetizing to you?
Speaker 1: It sounds disgusting, absolutely disgusting. See your food from Subway.
Speaker 1: The only thing I get from Subway is the pizza,
Speaker 1: and they do have pizza there. I used to get
Speaker 1: that I lived across the street in Reville, and I
Speaker 1: knew the guy. So we'd put like the marinara sauce
Speaker 1: from the meepole on top of the pizza nice and
Speaker 1: then put more toppings from the actual sandwiches. And I
Speaker 1: was like, this pizza is really good. The pizza is good.
Speaker 1: That's yeah. Chicago is known for its Subway pizza. I
Speaker 1: guess I'm with you. You know, Subway is a place
Speaker 1: I associate with, just like the only place thats like
Speaker 1: translucent tomato slices, Like everything is like watery, and like
Speaker 1: all the vegetables are like clear. I can only imagine
Speaker 1: that like the quality of this process fakes food that
Speaker 1: they seems like they just use like the cheapest stuff. Yeah,
Speaker 1: to me, I've never had this sandwich, and I think
Speaker 1: it might taste good, like sometimes imitation crab if you
Speaker 1: get it with like sushi or something, can be okay.
Speaker 1: But I think this person, you know, I appreciate that
Speaker 1: their tone is a little over the top, Like I
Speaker 1: think they know that this is a little bit of
Speaker 1: a superfluous thing. But I also think that change out
Speaker 1: or is used to bring back these kind of menu
Speaker 1: items like this is kind of like outside of like
Speaker 1: social causes, many items have come back because of site.
Speaker 1: So I understand this person's trying to get the momentum going,
Speaker 1: but I agree seafood from subway just doesn't sound like
Speaker 1: a good combination. Vanessa, what are your thoughts? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean when I heard the name of the sandwich was
Speaker 1: seafood Sensation, it made me kind of want to throw
Speaker 1: up in my mouth. It was okay, if I saw
Speaker 1: that on a subway menu, I'd go, that's absolutely disgusting.
Speaker 1: Like I think, to Carmen's point, like there's sandwiches, you know,
Speaker 1: you go in there being like this is the best
Speaker 1: option available to me in this moment, I think, and
Speaker 1: I think you got to stick to the basics. It
Speaker 1: feels like going for this imitation crab and stuff. It
Speaker 1: just feels tough to me. But here's what else I
Speaker 1: want to say. I believe that it genuinely this person
Speaker 1: really likes the sandwich, yeah, and that the people who
Speaker 1: commented on it agree and also really like it. And
Speaker 1: this is, like you said, Jonah, like people can actually
Speaker 1: bring menu items back at places by making these petitions.
Speaker 1: And I actually don't like that this person is being
Speaker 1: They're being. They're using so much hyperbole here that I
Speaker 1: don't take them seriously and they're not going to get
Speaker 1: a lot of signatures like them saying we demand the
Speaker 1: return of the seafood sensation, will march in the streets,
Speaker 1: hunger strikes civiliz. It's like, if you don't take yourself seriously,
Speaker 1: how am I supposed to? So I was CEO of
Speaker 1: subway supposed to do? Yeah, how's the CEO of subway
Speaker 1: supposed to? It's like if you had said, like, this
Speaker 1: is such a great sandwich, I really miss it, Like
Speaker 1: I really think there's a market for it, and then
Speaker 1: people were commenting like I love the sandwich. Shoot, then
Speaker 1: that CEO might go, oh, maybe I'll give this a thing.
Speaker 1: If this person's being so sarcastic and stuff, right right,
Speaker 1: I go onto the next It's almost like has this
Speaker 1: vibe like I'm too cool, but I'm like going to
Speaker 1: post this anyways, but like I'm actually like I'm in
Speaker 1: on it, like I'm know what I mean. There's like
Speaker 1: a snarkiness to it. It's like, son, you're already posted
Speaker 1: on change dot org so for a seafood sensation, So
Speaker 1: just like be that person or get or get out
Speaker 1: of the game. That's what I would say. Well, some
Speaker 1: serious trash doc from Vanessa. Okay, should I do the
Speaker 1: next one? It sounds like, yeah, is an absolute joker. Okay.
Speaker 1: The next one is called paintball in Gym Class and
Speaker 1: it's it has eleven signatures on change dot org has
Speaker 1: eleven signatures and this person you make the petitions to
Speaker 1: people or organizations. He put this petition to the Department
Speaker 1: of Education, Governor Tom Wolfe, and President Donald J. Trump.
Speaker 1: So this is from when Trump was in office. And
Speaker 1: still it is just kidding. Okay, I'm not one of
Speaker 1: those people. Okay, paintball in gym class. Everyone needs a
Speaker 1: new gym activity every once in a while. Kids won't
Speaker 1: want to stay in shape by running for no reason. Sure,
Speaker 1: that's true. They want to have fun and paintball is perfect.
Speaker 1: What could go wrong? Paint can't hurt anyone, and kids
Speaker 1: would love to exercise if they could do it in
Speaker 1: a competition. So adding this to the school gym class
Speaker 1: could really help kids stay in shape and be strong. Interesting,
Speaker 1: what do you think? My first reaction was like, oh,
Speaker 1: how fun? We got an issue in schools and I
Speaker 1: don't need to talk about what so I'm gonna have
Speaker 1: to go with a hard no, honestly, not to be lame,
Speaker 1: but like you know, do that shit with your friends
Speaker 1: at a bachelor party when you get older. Well, I
Speaker 1: don't need these kids getting better at aiming. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: scary as it is out there. Yeah yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: agree with Carmen. I think that this person is wrong
Speaker 1: that paint can't hurt anyone because I've been hit with
Speaker 1: a paintball when I was like a kid, and it
Speaker 1: hurts a lot. Yeah. Yeah, so I think it hurts
Speaker 1: way more than someone throwing a ball at you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like being projected at you. So yeah, I think
Speaker 1: it's way too dangerous. I agree, it's like culturally kind
Speaker 1: of insensitive. And it's also like everyone doesn't need a
Speaker 1: new gym activity like we got run laps you know,
Speaker 1: do you know? Yeah, you need all this equipment. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it doesn't make sense. I think it's a bad idea,
Speaker 1: and I'm not bad. I'm thinking about it too. Of
Speaker 1: like if I had a like son or something, I'd
Speaker 1: be like, he's an idiot whatever. We like, if I
Speaker 1: had a daughter going to high school who's like getting
Speaker 1: paintball shut at her, Yeah, this is not happening. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: well that's what I was going to say, is like
Speaker 1: I hated Dodgeball slash Battleball because you have people throwing
Speaker 1: balls like they would be these really strong guys in
Speaker 1: my grade that would just like whip these balls at you,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, what the fuck is this game? I
Speaker 1: still I actually should make a petition unchanged on work
Speaker 1: for this. I think the battle Ball slash Dodgeball should
Speaker 1: be banned in schools, in gym class. I'm sure there
Speaker 1: are petitions because it sucks, so I think it's like
Speaker 1: the worst. Yeah, they probably don't have it anymore. They
Speaker 1: probably don't because it's really violent. But along those lines,
Speaker 1: I'm like paintball in school. First of all, paint really
Speaker 1: can hurt, and second of all, it makes no sense,
Speaker 1: Like what if I get covered in paint and then
Speaker 1: I have to go back to class. I want this
Speaker 1: joker to take their petition and get lost. Jonah, do
Speaker 1: you want to read this next one? Yeah? And I
Speaker 1: want to add that I recently watched the film Dodgeball.
Speaker 1: Pretty funny and for the record, just real quick, I
Speaker 1: mean sure, and I'm sure Jonah, you might be with me.
Speaker 1: And Vanessa, I totally sympathetic to you, but I wasn't
Speaker 1: empathetic enough to like think this way in grade school
Speaker 1: high school. But I fucking loved to dodgeball when I
Speaker 1: was in school, so fun as a little boy that
Speaker 1: I couldn't get hurt. That's all, okay, Yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: accept it. I like dodging. I never had the arm
Speaker 1: strength to really throw the ball, so I felt like
Speaker 1: I would throw it and then just someone would catch
Speaker 1: it and that was it. Yeah. This last one is short.
Speaker 1: It's just called band onions and it says onions are
Speaker 1: a plague, banned them as a food, Nobody should be
Speaker 1: allowed to eat onions, and they should not be allowed
Speaker 1: to exist on this planet. Grow them on Mars if
Speaker 1: you like, but not on my Earth. And then this
Speaker 1: has a link to two other resources. There's a BuzzFeed
Speaker 1: article called It's time to admit onions are disgusting. Then
Speaker 1: it looks like this is a Reddit page called onion hate.
Speaker 1: So this has nine signatures, trying to get to ten. Carmen,
Speaker 1: what are your thoughts on banning onions? Disagree? Keep onions?
Speaker 1: Onions are healthy? Can I do a little name drop story?
Speaker 1: I had a tiny part in a movie called other
Speaker 1: Hood and my scene I deliver flowers to Angela Bassett's
Speaker 1: character and they were driving us back from lunch or
Speaker 1: we were getting lunch, I don't remember, but I was
Speaker 1: next to her. We were together while she was eating
Speaker 1: her lunch, and she was just straight up eating raw onions,
Speaker 1: like just like cutting it and eating it. And I
Speaker 1: was like, damn if Angela like she looks great. Like
Speaker 1: if angel the Bassett does this, maybe everybody should do that.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's a secret. And I looked it up and
Speaker 1: there's just a ton of health benefits. It's like really
Speaker 1: good for your skin and ship too. And I don't
Speaker 1: remember what else, like maybe like your blood sugar or something.
Speaker 1: I can't remember your heart. I remember looking it up
Speaker 1: because I was like, she's doing it. Maybe I gotta
Speaker 1: do this. But I love onions. They enhance the taste
Speaker 1: of everything. Yeah, yeah, it's great you cook them with whatever.
Speaker 1: I'm with, Carmen. I'm a big onion fan. We eat
Speaker 1: a ton of onions over here. I mean, yeah, Tottenham
Speaker 1: can be rough right with a stark crying sometimes, but
Speaker 1: it's just part of what you deal with your eating onions.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I think that great, sauteed. I've never tried
Speaker 1: eating a raw onion, but it might try it. Vanessa.
Speaker 1: And I had a relative who told me once I
Speaker 1: eat a raw turnup every day, said that for my health.
Speaker 1: Some guy who was like when Grandma and Grandpa had
Speaker 1: their place in Florida, some like relative of theirs on
Speaker 1: the bay or side. I think it was a kind
Speaker 1: of an eccentric relatively had and he said he turn up. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I remember talking to him as like a kid and
Speaker 1: him like telling me this, being like I eat a
Speaker 1: turn every day, And I was like, maybe I should
Speaker 1: try this, and maybe Mom and dad were like, it's okay,
Speaker 1: we're gonna find out who that was. We're gonna find out.
Speaker 1: We'll report back about the tournament. But anyways, I could
Speaker 1: be remembering that wrong. We'll look into it, but can
Speaker 1: do it. Yeah, I think onions are great. And I
Speaker 1: also like, just because you don't like it, don't eat it,
Speaker 1: like that doesn't mean a whole food. And also they
Speaker 1: shouldn't be grown on my earth, like, oh, excuse me,
Speaker 1: this is your planet. I don't think so, my friend,
Speaker 1: this is all of our planets. Show some respect. Yeah, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: I also go in. I'm like, what is this person
Speaker 1: trying to accomplish here? Like obviously onions aren't going to
Speaker 1: get banned, you know what i mean. So it's like,
Speaker 1: what is their life that they're like, I'm going to
Speaker 1: take the time to go on to change dot org
Speaker 1: and make this petition to ban onions. I've found these
Speaker 1: two articles which support my theory that onions stand. It's like,
Speaker 1: but like, go write a book or ride a bike, Like,
Speaker 1: what is this person's goal? We're not going to get
Speaker 1: rid of them. They're like a big piece of our
Speaker 1: agriculture as a society and a world like it's and
Speaker 1: also saying my Earth. This is my problem with these people. Okay, yea,
Speaker 1: even if this person what they were asking for was reasonable,
Speaker 1: which this is not. I'm sorry, I've I've really started
Speaker 1: taking these people there. Yeah, but even if what they
Speaker 1: were asking for was reasonable, make it so that we
Speaker 1: believe you, like, don't say my Earth because that makes
Speaker 1: us not want to you know what I mean, Why
Speaker 1: would we sign your petition if we're on your earth?
Speaker 1: Absolutely take a hike, sir, and let me tell you something.
Speaker 1: A hunting it's the onions earth just as much as it's. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's right. Onion's been here a lot longer than you,
Speaker 1: my friend. What grows out of the earth? You, my friend?
Speaker 1: I don't think so Onions do though we're from God. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I agree. I do think it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: to get more into this person psychologic what's the end game? Like,
Speaker 1: do you think like the Daily Show is going to
Speaker 1: be like check out this hilarious petition we found, Like
Speaker 1: this is like like a comedy thing that's gonna like
Speaker 1: get get you on the map. Like it does feel
Speaker 1: like what is what is the endgame? Moved to Chicago
Speaker 1: and take some second city? Yeah, exactly. So this is
Speaker 1: hard because we all think that these all absolutely stink,
Speaker 1: but we have to pick one that we would sign.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and for me, if I had to sign
Speaker 1: one of these, even though I think this person is
Speaker 1: an absolute joker, I would bring back this subway seafood sensation. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I'm actually going to have to go with that too,
Speaker 1: because out of all three of these, I don't think
Speaker 1: I would ever have it unless, like for some reason,
Speaker 1: I was at a ret It would take a really
Speaker 1: unique set of circumstances for me to order this and
Speaker 1: be at a subway, but it's in the realm of possibility.
Speaker 1: Where's the other things? I just feel like are just
Speaker 1: would never appeal to me, and you don't have to
Speaker 1: eat it, but you might have friends that would be happy.
Speaker 1: But yeah, yeah, Karmen, what do you think. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: so as somebody who used to eat a lot of
Speaker 1: grocery store sushi and imitation crab that was in that sushi.
Speaker 1: And I would even wait until seven o'clock to buy
Speaker 1: the sushi because then it would be half off. I was,
Speaker 1: you know, it was you know, financially, I wasn't really
Speaker 1: there New York City. Sure a smart business decision. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I would say, let this guy have a shitty food
Speaker 1: back and let's go with those subway stuff and also
Speaker 1: see food sensation. That's such a cool man. It is
Speaker 1: a good Yeah. That's right. Well, Carmen, I've got some
Speaker 1: good news for you because while I was researching this,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of people on the internet who have
Speaker 1: posted their own recipes and how to recreate this sub
Speaker 1: So even if subway doesn't bring it back, you could
Speaker 1: try and making it yourself. That's so good to know.
Speaker 1: That's really good to know. Oh yeah, well, Carmen, this
Speaker 1: has been so much fun. Can you tell our listeners
Speaker 1: again where they can find you, etc. Yeah, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: on Instagram. You know. That's where I promote things that
Speaker 1: I think I want people to see, like shows and stuff.
Speaker 1: So you know, I guess you could do that follow
Speaker 1: me there or something if you like me, no pressure. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you got your shows coming up in New York
Speaker 1: And yeah, I got my shows coming up in New
Speaker 1: York in LA. The tickets aren't live yet, but just
Speaker 1: keep an eye out if you are interested and coming out.
Speaker 1: If you want to check out Carmen Live, you're going
Speaker 1: to get a good return on your investment. That's right,
Speaker 1: that's right now. Thank you so much to Carmen. Now,
Speaker 1: I would love if Matthew McConnell hey would sign off
Speaker 1: for us right now. Well, that was really fun, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: Thanks so much to Carmen for joining us and everyone
Speaker 1: for listening. If you enjoyed that, please subscribe to the podcast.
Speaker 1: Keep an eye out for next week's episode of How
Speaker 1: Did We Get Weird, where we discuss most stories from
Speaker 1: our childhood and cultural touchdownes like school dances. All right,