Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot Ill, a production of My Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Hell Dumb, Love Dumb. Welcome to Joe Scott, says Jacot Hill.
Speaker 1: My name is Jill Scott, my name is Edea Graydn.
Speaker 1: My name is Lah st Clair. Who's sup everybody? Today
Speaker 1: we are going to be talking about what Joe Mama
Speaker 1: told you about sex. I'm all, I'm ready. I bet
Speaker 1: you are? I bet you ready? Am I Patty, I'm not.
Speaker 1: I don't. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you this.
Speaker 1: My mother absolutely, without question kept it all the way gully. Yes,
Speaker 1: she was like, there's a difference between screwing and making love,
Speaker 1: and I hope that you get a chance to do both.
Speaker 1: Think that well, I must have been about seventeen, okay,
Speaker 1: But from the beginning I was on the porch. I
Speaker 1: was a little girl on the porch. Girls have about
Speaker 1: jin yes, boys have a big as. That was That
Speaker 1: was that was me. That was me. Did I know
Speaker 1: what any of that meant? No? But I knew my part,
Speaker 1: and I knew that nobody was supposed to touch my
Speaker 1: private places, right, Yes, that's what I knew. That was
Speaker 1: the beginning. That was just about you know, boundaries, but
Speaker 1: when it came to sex, she was like, all right, look,
Speaker 1: do the best you can to do your dirt all
Speaker 1: by you only if you're gonna date somebody. If ever,
Speaker 1: you can only date one boy in the neighborhood for life,
Speaker 1: so be wise if you're going to choose somebody from
Speaker 1: the neighborhood. Yeah, And she said to watch their els.
Speaker 1: And she said, a boy, you know I have dirty fingernails.
Speaker 1: You know, you certainly don't want him, you know, playing
Speaker 1: playing in your girlfriend and you certainly don't, you know,
Speaker 1: watch out for hangnails and such. And you mentioned this before.
Speaker 1: Every time you do this, you make my kushi feel funny. Listen,
Speaker 1: this is what she told me. She said, watch watch
Speaker 1: for a boy with a dirty neck if he has
Speaker 1: If he has a dirty neck, then he probably has
Speaker 1: a dirty penis. That's what she said, because he's not
Speaker 1: cleaning himself properly. And if he's you know, ignoring his neck,
Speaker 1: which is something that can be seen, then you can
Speaker 1: only assume that the rest is not as clean as
Speaker 1: a show either. Let me found out the neck is
Speaker 1: an adolescent precursor to the adult booty when they get
Speaker 1: up from the toilet and they don't wash their ass.
Speaker 1: That's like with brown Man, you know, like Ben watched Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. You know, sometimes men leave the thing okay
Speaker 1: because they don't like okay, I'm sorry. And and she said, uh,
Speaker 1: it was the neck, the fingernails, and she said, watch
Speaker 1: their gum lines, because if it looks like a guy
Speaker 1: has a bunch of crud on his gum line, you
Speaker 1: certainly don't want him to kiss you in the mouth
Speaker 1: and you and you definitely don't want anybody going down
Speaker 1: on you with nasty gums. My mother was a dental hygeness,
Speaker 1: you know, so these things were a part of our
Speaker 1: sex conversation. That's what the woman saying. That's what the woman.
Speaker 1: I think that Susan and Joyce may have been killed
Speaker 1: spirits for lack of about of job, because I didn't
Speaker 1: tell you that conversation about the about boys don't wash
Speaker 1: their hands. Because my mother we started out our conversation.
Speaker 1: She was like, there's such a thing. It's called there's petting,
Speaker 1: and there's heavy petting. These were my mother's words, heavy.
Speaker 1: She said, there's petting, and this heavy petting. Now that
Speaker 1: petting that's over the clothes. She says, heavy petting that
Speaker 1: under the clothes, she says, now that heavy petting. Let
Speaker 1: me tell you something. Boys don't wash their hands after
Speaker 1: they pee. They don't wash their hands before they do anything.
Speaker 1: They're nasty. She said, I know that little vagina is
Speaker 1: calling out to the world. I want to be happy,
Speaker 1: I want to be touched. But just remember that boys
Speaker 1: don't have the same type of habits that you've got.
Speaker 1: So she told me how early on, like when I
Speaker 1: first started getting my cycle and was really starting to
Speaker 1: she thought I would probably be having little feelings and this, this,
Speaker 1: that and the other, you know. But she was really really,
Speaker 1: really like forward about all that stuff. The only thing
Speaker 1: she didn't talk about and I would say, this, go
Speaker 1: ahead to your mama, because my mom we have a
Speaker 1: conversation about oral sex. So I was a little older,
Speaker 1: definitely older older about that particular one. But she was
Speaker 1: also very open about her experience ass and how she
Speaker 1: you know, grew as a woman in her sexuality and
Speaker 1: just how um she didn't really know a lot because
Speaker 1: of the you know, some experiences she had when he
Speaker 1: was she was young that were traumatic. And then she
Speaker 1: also talked about, you know, what are some unhealthy habits
Speaker 1: in men around affection and sentence that I should be
Speaker 1: looking for, you know. So she would talk about things like,
Speaker 1: you know, just how men respond in intimate settings, you know,
Speaker 1: just to be very cognizant of men who are very
Speaker 1: possessive around, you know, after after you've been intimate with them,
Speaker 1: or even beforehand. She was like, you know, just watching
Speaker 1: it because the intimacy makes that worse. And she was like,
Speaker 1: you know that thing, you've got that drive that, you
Speaker 1: know that thing. They might already have a you know,
Speaker 1: predisposure for some craziness. You give them the happy bobs
Speaker 1: and they lose their whole. These are some amazing conversation.
Speaker 1: It's so funny. I don't know if it's the weird
Speaker 1: or what, but I cannot remember having a conversation with
Speaker 1: my mom about sex until maybe after I got pregnant
Speaker 1: the first time in my mind, which was the year
Speaker 1: after I first started having sex, but when I started
Speaker 1: having sex at fifteen years old, and I was a
Speaker 1: junior in high school and my boyfriend was a senior,
Speaker 1: and I remember I went to his prom and he
Speaker 1: was my first and I made sure I had sex
Speaker 1: before I went to the prom. But I remember when
Speaker 1: my mom tells the story back, because I was supposed
Speaker 1: to come home that night, but I didn't because you know,
Speaker 1: we went to the hotel. But my mom tells the
Speaker 1: story back and she's like, yeah, you know, I knew,
Speaker 1: like it was out party and doing stuff like that.
Speaker 1: I didn't think that she was like at the hotel,
Speaker 1: so she I don't know if she it was. I
Speaker 1: feel like I got I wish she was here because
Speaker 1: I was like, I feel like it wasn't until the
Speaker 1: next year when I was having sex with this guy
Speaker 1: at Howard because I went to high school to call
Speaker 1: the street um that. I feel like that's when we
Speaker 1: really started getting into our sex talks, and then that's
Speaker 1: when we started taking the birth controls and things of
Speaker 1: this nature. I hid my face. Oh I hid my
Speaker 1: face for I managed to get back, or about a
Speaker 1: day and a half before my mother looked me in
Speaker 1: my face and was like, I was like, oh no,
Speaker 1: but I knew she was gonna see it. I knew
Speaker 1: she was going to see it. So she called me
Speaker 1: out on the porch and she was like, so you
Speaker 1: are having sex now? And I knew that this was
Speaker 1: the question, but I shook my head no and answered yes,
Speaker 1: yes said well, are you using condoms? That's what she said,
Speaker 1: quote unquote condoms. Thought that was funny, but I better
Speaker 1: not laugh. I was like yes. She was like, okay,
Speaker 1: are do you feel like it? And I shook my
Speaker 1: head though I was like yes, like like that I did.
Speaker 1: I knew that I would, though I knew that I
Speaker 1: was the first time. Jill um, Yeah, I didn't like
Speaker 1: the first time. Y'all didn't have a sense of pain.
Speaker 1: I remember a little a little bit of pain and
Speaker 1: resistance because well, the first guy that I was would
Speaker 1: cared about me, I know, so it wasn't it was.
Speaker 1: It was my boyfriend too. But I just thought that
Speaker 1: because that place had never been entered before. I told
Speaker 1: that hurt. Be clear, to be clear that that hurts.
Speaker 1: But initial was like the initial, this is what she's
Speaker 1: been talking about. And I, you know, I said to
Speaker 1: myself after I said, okay, you know I tried it
Speaker 1: and I'm not gonna do that again. And about about
Speaker 1: two weeks later, I was a hot cat humping on
Speaker 1: the door like I want to do that again and
Speaker 1: again and again and again and again and again and
Speaker 1: again yep, yep, yep, until ten years later and talking
Speaker 1: that ship y'all. Who oh if you was having an
Speaker 1: orgasm as a teenager, I am going to fight like
Speaker 1: there's no I don't remember that. I just need you
Speaker 1: to understand what she didn't want you to understand my mother,
Speaker 1: the conversations that it started with, there's a difference between
Speaker 1: making love and screwing, and she she, oh God, please
Speaker 1: don't kill me, mom Um, I'll never forget. This is
Speaker 1: actually a highlight. I was sleeping, minding my own business,
Speaker 1: and I wake up and my mother is on her
Speaker 1: knees in front of my face by the bed, and
Speaker 1: I you know how you can feel when somebody's looking
Speaker 1: at you. So I opened my eyes and my mother's like,
Speaker 1: she says, can you see yes? Can I see what?
Speaker 1: And she goes, she goes like this, that doctor blah
Speaker 1: blah blah is a wonderful I love her. I just
Speaker 1: love her. There was I could see in my mother
Speaker 1: when she had been you know, screwing, and when she
Speaker 1: had made love. I could see the difference in her.
Speaker 1: That's interesting. And we would have these conversations over man
Speaker 1: of Chevits in the basement, listening to Millie Jackson. So
Speaker 1: I had a pretty good idea the difference between the
Speaker 1: two Jackson. She said that screwing was about you, Screwing
Speaker 1: is about you. Make love is about the two of you,
Speaker 1: and making love is so so so much better in
Speaker 1: her opinion. So I had a pretty good idea of
Speaker 1: what that was. And then I'm gonna say that I
Speaker 1: was pretty aware of my body and I knew what
Speaker 1: pleased me. So I would, you know, actively search out
Speaker 1: that thing that place so that I could experience that
Speaker 1: I wanted that often. And then I found out that
Speaker 1: there were many different kinds. I was about to say,
Speaker 1: because I feel like as a as a young person,
Speaker 1: I definitely knew how to these self satisfy myself. But
Speaker 1: even in you know, it's a whole coming versus orgasm thing.
Speaker 1: So but the orgasm part still came later, even though
Speaker 1: the coming part we're doing too technically that makes sense. Listen,
Speaker 1: this is grown folk conversation. It's intended to be. This
Speaker 1: is conversation to spark conversation. Just in case, if my chance,
Speaker 1: you're listening to j dot Illen, you don't know why
Speaker 1: we're telling you and talking to you and talking amongst ourselves,
Speaker 1: you know about what it means to live. We're living
Speaker 1: and existing and learning and sharing. So yeah, I think
Speaker 1: I had a sense of and maybe not had the language,
Speaker 1: but I definitely feel like I had a sense of
Speaker 1: the difference between like intimacy and just kind of having
Speaker 1: sex to relieve, you know, to relieve myself. I don't
Speaker 1: know if that's the right word, but but my day.
Speaker 1: But the difference in that actually came from my dad,
Speaker 1: believe it or not, something that my father told me.
Speaker 1: My dad was kind of like, and he told me
Speaker 1: in a very male black boomer way, So this is
Speaker 1: not romantic what he said. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: and it's a little bit off subject, and I kind
Speaker 1: of got what he meant. He said to me. He
Speaker 1: was like, you're just like a guy. You're gonna want it,
Speaker 1: You're gonna have your reasons, and you're gonna do whatever whatever.
Speaker 1: He was like, men and women are not really that different.
Speaker 1: He was like, you know, he said, but my thing
Speaker 1: with you is if you just got the feeling and
Speaker 1: you need to get rid of that feeling, then just
Speaker 1: make sure that in your mind you understand that's what
Speaker 1: that is. He said. What I see a lot of
Speaker 1: women do is they attached their rest of their actions
Speaker 1: as an aftermath to them just kind of doing what
Speaker 1: they have to do for their pleasure kind of thing.
Speaker 1: He was like, this is where you became this is
Speaker 1: where I became him because he was like, because my
Speaker 1: dad was in a lot of ways. I mean maybe
Speaker 1: you know, sorry to anyone who was in a relationship
Speaker 1: with him at the time, but the point is that,
Speaker 1: you know, he he was just kind of like that,
Speaker 1: you gotta be able to know the difference. Baby, you
Speaker 1: can't be attaching all the activities of being some body's
Speaker 1: woman to somebody who you just getting your thing thing from.
Speaker 1: Can we please cue the hand clapping. I need to
Speaker 1: him cheering and hand clapping like you're in a stadium
Speaker 1: right now. So that changed my life because I was
Speaker 1: just kind of like, well, it wasn't him giving me
Speaker 1: permission to go have a bunch of teenage sex, but
Speaker 1: he was just basically saying, I'm not gonna be able
Speaker 1: to stop you from and what you want, and I'm
Speaker 1: just saying what I don't want to see as my
Speaker 1: daughter out here playing herself. That's what that was in
Speaker 1: his mind, where he was thinking, like, you know, you
Speaker 1: dedicate those emotions in that time and energy to somebody
Speaker 1: who's not just there to service you sexual and his
Speaker 1: words were, don't be out here right nobody resume and
Speaker 1: driving him around in your car and then you know
Speaker 1: that's where he you know. But I, as I got older,
Speaker 1: I understood what he meant. He just like, you know,
Speaker 1: there's a difference between those two things. He you know,
Speaker 1: he didn't have the language to say intimacy and making
Speaker 1: love and all that. He was just like, listen, don't
Speaker 1: let it. Don't as he told me this to my
Speaker 1: father told me this word for word, don't be letting
Speaker 1: no niggers sleep at your house. Don't let him leave
Speaker 1: his stuff at your house. Don't ever. And my dad
Speaker 1: told me these two things explicitly. Now, ladies, all ladies,
Speaker 1: my dad told me these two things explicitly. He said,
Speaker 1: never let a man know that he can get a
Speaker 1: meal at your home. So when did you When did
Speaker 1: you first cook? For time? Because I'm like, so when
Speaker 1: do you cook? Then he said he also said this,
Speaker 1: he said, don't ever spend a dime on a man
Speaker 1: who's not your husband. Uh, I don't know that. I'm
Speaker 1: trying to tell, oh, listen, what I'm saying to y'all,
Speaker 1: I'm not telling y'all not to sift through it. This
Speaker 1: is old black man talk. This is this is the
Speaker 1: thing y'all gotta y'all come now, this is old black
Speaker 1: man talk. You're not gonna agree with all love it,
Speaker 1: but let's let's maybe try to unpack it a little bit.
Speaker 1: What he said about the food is that my dad
Speaker 1: always had a thing about a man should be able
Speaker 1: to feed himself. A man should be able to take
Speaker 1: care of himself. If he believes that he can get
Speaker 1: his essentials from me, you what services he to you
Speaker 1: in your life? You don't want a man that can
Speaker 1: come up with his own meal, who expects to eat
Speaker 1: on your dome, who expects to eat in your home.
Speaker 1: It's one thing if you say, hey, come over, so
Speaker 1: I may make you a meal. But it's another thing
Speaker 1: for a man to show up at your doorstep around
Speaker 1: dinner time and think he about the city of the
Speaker 1: table to church music is huh, I was and shouting
Speaker 1: at something. And the thing about the money was that
Speaker 1: my dad, believe it or not, my father was an
Speaker 1: attractive man and he had a lot of relationships over
Speaker 1: the years. Some were legit, and some of them were opportunistic,
Speaker 1: and so he basically was telling me, he was like, look,
Speaker 1: your husband, that's where you make a financial commitment to
Speaker 1: in terms of you're spending out of your wealth. He
Speaker 1: was like, that's that's the person who deserves that, that
Speaker 1: person who you feel is in a partnership with you.
Speaker 1: Otherwise he owned his own what he needs you to
Speaker 1: buy him something for? What for? Huh, It's just I
Speaker 1: just wanted to give me. Yeah, that's so wonderful. But
Speaker 1: it was interesting. A lot of those things shaped to
Speaker 1: my early thoughts, a lot of right now, Ricky Ricky
Speaker 1: was a mess though. I love my father, I really do.
Speaker 1: He dropped a few gems on me. I will not lie,
Speaker 1: but he he talked real straight, very straight with me.
Speaker 1: So though that kind of hardcore talk about men and
Speaker 1: sex actually didn't come from my mom, and he actually
Speaker 1: came from my dad. I love your father and I
Speaker 1: appreciate him so much, and I love this message real rag.
Speaker 1: I feel like we have just listen not I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say we because I was here for it.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say a John, I feel like listen, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to I really feel like you just saved a
Speaker 1: whole rack of women, a whole lot of trouble, a
Speaker 1: whole lot of trouble, you know what she think. I
Speaker 1: do believe. I'm sorry I was slow to it, but
Speaker 1: I do see your father's point. Now I'm starting to think,
Speaker 1: oh I did give away some things. Maybe that's why
Speaker 1: I never had a husband, you know, That's what I
Speaker 1: was thinking. I was like, what have you never had
Speaker 1: a husband? But then like, yeah, I was like, oh man,
Speaker 1: that's why you never had a husband because she was
Speaker 1: doing these things. Okay, thanks daddy. I don't think. I
Speaker 1: didn't think either is linked to each other. I think
Speaker 1: it's more so about the quality of how you interrack
Speaker 1: with with people, what you get from it. So you
Speaker 1: may not end up getting married, but you know, it's
Speaker 1: just about kind of feeling and understand how you're gonna
Speaker 1: move and how you feel when it's all over if
Speaker 1: it does come to a close. You know what I mean,
Speaker 1: It's like, you know, what did I what did I
Speaker 1: invest in this? And do I feel okay with that?
Speaker 1: You know? And so that that was I think where
Speaker 1: he was coming from. Where it's like, you know what
Speaker 1: you invested in if you feel okay with it, If
Speaker 1: you're okay, if you can sleep at night, if you
Speaker 1: don't feel like somebody tried to play you or somebody
Speaker 1: did play you. That can put you in a box
Speaker 1: of just not not believing in yourself, you know, searching
Speaker 1: for something that you know may or may not exist.
Speaker 1: I think that you just saved a lot of people.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm so excited. I'm so excited. But then you
Speaker 1: slip aside it too. Don't bring your baggage to because
Speaker 1: I also was thinking. I was like, man, but you
Speaker 1: also don't want to be dwindled down who you are
Speaker 1: as a person when it comes to like you're giving
Speaker 1: and your love. You know what I'm saying, because what
Speaker 1: can happen is too is you because you're one of
Speaker 1: those people. And then you're like, well, you know what
Speaker 1: the next time, I ain't gonna get this ship so easily.
Speaker 1: But I don't know. It's like a weird but you know,
Speaker 1: enter into my mom honestly, for real, My mother was
Speaker 1: My mother was the opposite of that. And that's why
Speaker 1: I took a little bit from each of them, because
Speaker 1: my mother would say, hey, I will never allow someone
Speaker 1: else's inability to love me to dictate how I choose
Speaker 1: to love. I have to be true to myself. So
Speaker 1: I think that that's really what I is saying. It's like,
Speaker 1: you gotta be true to yourself, even down to the
Speaker 1: bearer kind of rawness of sex. You have to be
Speaker 1: true to who you are in that space, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. So she did used to say that too,
Speaker 1: you know. For me, I would say how I took
Speaker 1: both of those things was that my dad always talked
Speaker 1: real kind of tough like that, so I always knew
Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, Dad, Like I got part of that,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But I think for me,
Speaker 1: it was just more so about I got to know
Speaker 1: what I want and be clear who I am going
Speaker 1: into the situation. If just just sex, it's just sex.
Speaker 1: If I'm invested emotionally, I'm invested emotionally. But I gotta
Speaker 1: keep it one hundred with myself and be honest with myself.
Speaker 1: I don't always have to announce that to the other person.
Speaker 1: I just allow who I am to dictate how I
Speaker 1: move and food be told. I told my daughter this
Speaker 1: a week ago. She's eighteen, and I was like, and
Speaker 1: I've had some really row conversations with her, and I
Speaker 1: basically said, listen, always ask yourself the proper questions, says,
Speaker 1: and whatever you're doing from that moment on, let your
Speaker 1: actions reflect the answer to those questions. Word, don't be
Speaker 1: out here lying to yourself. If you want this dude
Speaker 1: and you want him to be your man, don't be
Speaker 1: sitting up there acting like you really don't want them
Speaker 1: like that. Don't lie to yourself like that, because here's
Speaker 1: the funny thing that he knows you're lying. And every
Speaker 1: time every day you stay in that knowing that you
Speaker 1: want that, and you allow him to say that, he doesn't.
Speaker 1: Every day you stay, he knows you stay in a
Speaker 1: day into a lot, and he loses respect for you
Speaker 1: every single day. Pretty what y'all think about this one,
Speaker 1: because let that it's Let that let that resonate. Listen.
Speaker 1: That is like, it's the rules of engagement. And I
Speaker 1: think that this information empowers a lot of women. Empowers
Speaker 1: a lot of women. These are the things that our
Speaker 1: mother said, you know, when it comes to sex. We
Speaker 1: talked about cleanliness. We talked about the difference between intimacy
Speaker 1: and screwing, because there is a huge difference. And we
Speaker 1: talked about the wise of having sex with someone like why,
Speaker 1: you know, the important questions who why? And what's the
Speaker 1: other important question? Who why? And there's well more and
Speaker 1: for what for and for what? I admit though many times,
Speaker 1: especially when I was young, those things that always click
Speaker 1: now coming out, Oh you know, say, but you still
Speaker 1: gotta figure out how to get to it right. But
Speaker 1: these young women are a lot smarter, you know, than
Speaker 1: than I think they know. And if they have the tools,
Speaker 1: then they can make better choices. I'm not saying that
Speaker 1: they will, I'm just saying that they can. Because this
Speaker 1: is this is game, baby, This is this is game.
Speaker 1: That all of that is game. Hold on, you know,
Speaker 1: and when you hold the cards you really can't you
Speaker 1: can win up to you. I love it so on
Speaker 1: the hold the cards thing. I know. For the longest,
Speaker 1: my mom has always said to me, you know, there's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with him loving you or being in this
Speaker 1: just little more than you are. You are. My grandma
Speaker 1: said the same thing, which I've been chasing for a minute.
Speaker 1: Because I love hard. So even when you try to
Speaker 1: consciously go in and put you're a little bit of
Speaker 1: pull back after it doesn't work. It doesn't work. I
Speaker 1: get why. Our generation of parents told us that, but
Speaker 1: and along run it. It doesn't work, It doesn't. Here's
Speaker 1: what my grandmother said. My grandmother said that the man
Speaker 1: is supposed to hunt. He's supposed to hunt. You're not
Speaker 1: the hunter. He's the hunter. So no matter what it
Speaker 1: is that you're doing out here trying to find your mate,
Speaker 1: your mate is going to find you. And it's up
Speaker 1: to you. Just like with the lions and maybe put yeah,
Speaker 1: back to put Just like with the lions mating in Putona,
Speaker 1: it's up to the lioness to decide if she's going
Speaker 1: to take him or not. And if he steps in correctly,
Speaker 1: she's gonna smack the funk out of him and have
Speaker 1: him bleeding on the face, going, you know, and then
Speaker 1: he's got to try again, and this time it's gonna
Speaker 1: be a lot gentler. This time it's gonna you know,
Speaker 1: he's gonna think more than react. See, this is why
Speaker 1: bumble don't feel natural. That's why what bumble the app
Speaker 1: that you're the dating app where the woman has to
Speaker 1: make the first move, that's why they don't feel natural. Well,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I know, I got a girlfriend right now.
Speaker 1: Her man she loved him dearly. They met on that
Speaker 1: app day. Yeah, that lovely couple. Yeah, I know a
Speaker 1: couple that meant on Black people meet that in the
Speaker 1: last two years. Yeah, people said, because it's a lot
Speaker 1: of uncles over there. Okay, I know somebody got married off. Okay, cupid. Hey,
Speaker 1: I think I can't call it. But because I've been
Speaker 1: married twice and divorced twice and I only got one
Speaker 1: more in me three time after that, and I don't
Speaker 1: want to think about after that. I don't really want
Speaker 1: to claim after that, after that, after that, it's just no.
Speaker 1: I mean, I crossed all my bridges when I reached them.
Speaker 1: I feel like my mom and the other women in
Speaker 1: my life because let me just bring that up too,
Speaker 1: because I had Hella aunties. My aunties used to go hard,
Speaker 1: like my aunties went in on me, so I knew
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff from them too, So I want
Speaker 1: to make sure I picked them up. But I feel
Speaker 1: like I was pretty like informed going into my early
Speaker 1: twenties and particularly for that time for me being married. Oh,
Speaker 1: I gotta tell this story y'all real quick, because I
Speaker 1: didn't my grandmother y'all. My grandmother was a g for real.
Speaker 1: And I saved this because we were talking about grandmothers
Speaker 1: in another episode and I said, no age to hold that,
Speaker 1: hold that for the sex episode says and it was hard.
Speaker 1: But my grandmother, Yo, she had a man. Her man
Speaker 1: was Murray, right, and we all used to be you
Speaker 1: don't thought it was funny, like you know, my grandmother
Speaker 1: got a boyfriend. He had a little pork chop side
Speaker 1: burns child Cadillac. Murray was that beast so and then
Speaker 1: Christmas time Murray would buy all the girl grandchildren cabbage. Yes,
Speaker 1: Murray had money. Child could listen real cabbage pack. It's
Speaker 1: my girlfriends our babysitting. My girlfriend's all right. So so yeah,
Speaker 1: always when I made had conversations with my mother about
Speaker 1: their sex life. Now mind you, my mother admits this
Speaker 1: to me way later. Okay, but anyway, fast forward to
Speaker 1: my grandmother. I'm getting married. When I said I was
Speaker 1: getting married, everybody was like tripping. My grandmother was very
Speaker 1: much in support of this. Monana comes to me right
Speaker 1: before my wedding. She said, maybe come in let me
Speaker 1: talk to you for a sheet because okay, she said, listen,
Speaker 1: that's what I want you to do. She said. Later
Speaker 1: on tonight, after you get to the hotel. I want
Speaker 1: you to fuck his brains out, I promise you. My
Speaker 1: nana said them words to me on my wedding day.
Speaker 1: Was there nothing following, and I want you to She
Speaker 1: dropped that and walked away like a g it's she serious?
Speaker 1: You know what for you? Grandma? Well, so, no, y'all
Speaker 1: know what I did, right. You know what I had
Speaker 1: to do. I had to snitch. I was kill mom.
Speaker 1: I'm like mom, And so she started laughing. She like child, listen,
Speaker 1: I could tell you something she hadn't told me about
Speaker 1: her and murray, that will wear you out. She said,
Speaker 1: you're not even ready. I'm going for you to get married, Joe.
Speaker 1: I know things about my nana's sex life that no
Speaker 1: grandchild should know. But yeah, that that was wild stuff.
Speaker 1: And I knew, I knew the stock in which I
Speaker 1: came from. Come that day, I said, Oh, okay, knock
Speaker 1: him out. Box out the box, read knock him out,
Speaker 1: I said, I said, baby, My nanna said, my nana
Speaker 1: had said, oh that night you told him to stop
Speaker 1: to knock it out the box. You're ready girl. That
Speaker 1: we always joke about that. We got pregnant that night.
Speaker 1: He talked about I knew I got you pregnant that night,
Speaker 1: Minnesota trifeless. I hate boys. Boys are so terrible. Oh,
Speaker 1: I know I got you pregnant that night. Girl. I
Speaker 1: love him a hot miss, miss mom, I'm missing mine.
Speaker 1: Oh look at you. I heard you niggers. Okay, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: Everybody set up a little different on that conversation. Yes,
Speaker 1: just something. Yeah, so yeah, Mama taught me stuff more
Speaker 1: real talk after the break. I know that I don't
Speaker 1: know Vanessa del Rio, you know, but she has to
Speaker 1: understand wherever she is. I just want to thank you
Speaker 1: for being like a sexual mom in a way part
Speaker 1: of the show at this point. You know that I
Speaker 1: talked about her so much, like I really really appreciate
Speaker 1: that she knew what she wanted to do and she
Speaker 1: did it without It didn't matter to her about anybody's opinion.
Speaker 1: She's lived the life that she wants and I don't
Speaker 1: know what the repercussions are. You know, I'm still The
Speaker 1: book is like seven hundred pages, so you know, I'm
Speaker 1: still reading, and I have to hide it because there's
Speaker 1: pictures in the book, so I gotta, you know, find
Speaker 1: a spot to be by myself, you know, to make
Speaker 1: sure nobody walks in on that, because the pictures are
Speaker 1: quite something. But nonetheless, like I feel like she she said,
Speaker 1: without saying, this is good, This is healthy. Sex is fun, Michael,
Speaker 1: and you should you should go ahead and and and
Speaker 1: and get yours. Just wrap it up. Just yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: get it. Not not not having somebody get you, but
Speaker 1: you get what you want and need out of this,
Speaker 1: and let me ask you aspreciate it. I feel like
Speaker 1: for the most part, we seem to have had some
Speaker 1: not necessarily sexually repressed adults around us. But I saw
Speaker 1: a post on social media recently when they were talking
Speaker 1: about women kind of pushing back at a lot of
Speaker 1: the messaging they get from spiritual spaces and particularly around
Speaker 1: like church and places like that, where you're like, look,
Speaker 1: if you stay pure and you do this and do
Speaker 1: that that you're gonna find this this mate, that's gonna
Speaker 1: be great for you. And a lot of times that
Speaker 1: doesn't work out, and they feel duped around conversations they've
Speaker 1: had about and the link between the sexuality and her morality.
Speaker 1: And I don't know, I mean I wasn't raised around peethns.
Speaker 1: I mean people were definitely spiritual, went to church and
Speaker 1: all this different stuff when I was growing up, But
Speaker 1: there was still a normalized conversation around the fact that, Okay,
Speaker 1: you probably will do this before you get married. But
Speaker 1: that's probably why because you probably didn't grow up in
Speaker 1: this trade. I know I didn't. I grow up in
Speaker 1: more of a spiritual situation. We might hit church once
Speaker 1: every other month or so. But they are my family.
Speaker 1: My mother used to be Muslims, so she always claimed,
Speaker 1: you know, spirituality. But I think those that are in
Speaker 1: a more strict situation, that's and that kind of comes
Speaker 1: into ye like when their mother they told him nothing.
Speaker 1: It's just like, don't don't have sex, don't do that.
Speaker 1: And I see I've seen that. I mean, I know
Speaker 1: of fifties seven, fifty year old virgin. You know we
Speaker 1: also fasks. Yeah that too that you don't know that
Speaker 1: y'all set them kids loose than the world. Yes, And
Speaker 1: you didn't give them any insight into what sexuality means
Speaker 1: and the cost of it. You didn't prepare them in
Speaker 1: any way, shape or form. And they went off to
Speaker 1: college and came back, you know, scratching, burning, or pregnant
Speaker 1: or all. All of them you didn't prepare. You didn't
Speaker 1: prepare them. It's important that they know, you know what's
Speaker 1: going on and how to navigate, you know, their own sexuality. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's hard not to make kids scared, you know.
Speaker 1: I think I'm going to tell you that my mother
Speaker 1: showed me the Encyclopedia of Anarial Diseases. It was one
Speaker 1: and it's like there absolutely still is a very thick
Speaker 1: book full of all kinds of venarial diseases with very
Speaker 1: graphic photos. My mom didn't show Guess why I saw it.
Speaker 1: I saw it because we used to have to take
Speaker 1: sex thead and when we had that book of that
Speaker 1: nine seventies book, the thick one where showed everything from
Speaker 1: like pictures like not even drawing sex at it girls
Speaker 1: high at the time. But it was primarily the parts.
Speaker 1: It wasn't the action, you know. It was just like
Speaker 1: I had like the weirdest childhood ever. Because I promise you,
Speaker 1: I just want to shout out to miss Carr, who
Speaker 1: was my gym teacher in primary school. Teachers always a
Speaker 1: sex teachers, hilarious. She was my gym teacher and school
Speaker 1: and when we got to fifth grade, I want to
Speaker 1: say either fifth or sixth grade, which was the time
Speaker 1: where they assumed all the girls would be having their cycles.
Speaker 1: They sent a letter home and said, hey, you can
Speaker 1: sign a letter if you want your child to take
Speaker 1: sex it and my mother signed it and I went.
Speaker 1: And when I was in sixth grade, not high school,
Speaker 1: not middle school, sixth grade was when I learned about
Speaker 1: session transmitted diseases, pregnancy, how you get pregnant, the parts
Speaker 1: of your vagina, your uterus, all of that. Learned all
Speaker 1: that before I went to even before I went to
Speaker 1: middle school. They got to bring it back. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I was sorry paper in two point two second because
Speaker 1: most of our parents had the joy of sex book too.
Speaker 1: Did your your parents had that joy of sex books? Mom? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I remember sneaking and reading it. I'm I'm really still
Speaker 1: in shock. And there's no sex education in schools. There's
Speaker 1: some music either. Lets you go to music school, like
Speaker 1: it's really really nuts, and them taking out physical and
Speaker 1: you know, Jim, there is no Jim teacher, so there's
Speaker 1: no sex as like as you're taking out cooking. You know,
Speaker 1: remember shop shop That's how I learned how to make snooker.
Speaker 1: Secret doodle just snecret okay, and shopping. We made the cars,
Speaker 1: remember the little try the triangle cars with the to
Speaker 1: the race cars. Hold on, I was I was a
Speaker 1: bit of a delinquent by the time we got to
Speaker 1: that class. He was a too much busy pimping in
Speaker 1: the hallways. I'm sorry. I should have never told you
Speaker 1: all about my secrets. So that's the thing where you
Speaker 1: try to share your secrets with people and then they
Speaker 1: want to throw that back on here every time. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna tell you that that is what happens.
Speaker 1: That is exactly what happens on this planet. You think,
Speaker 1: you think you're trying to share youthing or help somebody else,
Speaker 1: because you you come to an understanding, it's gonna get
Speaker 1: thrown in your face like crazy. All right, y'all did
Speaker 1: your mama What was the first conversation you had with
Speaker 1: your mama or an elder woman in your life about
Speaker 1: oral sex? And I ain't talk about him going down
Speaker 1: on you. That was a conversation I did not add,
Speaker 1: I don't. I mean we talked about I don't even know.
Speaker 1: We talked about I'm just reever telling my girlfriends. Remember
Speaker 1: I told you, I remember being the first one. It
Speaker 1: was you know, ninety three. But I think so some
Speaker 1: things are just some things have to be conversations with girlfriends.
Speaker 1: It's not a mama conversation. You're having them conversations with
Speaker 1: your kids. Asia, what about all sex? Yeah? What? What? What?
Speaker 1: How do you do that? What's to talk with the
Speaker 1: the goal and the conversation to be better or to
Speaker 1: you know, I think the main thing is about them
Speaker 1: understanding that you can contract a condom on because that's
Speaker 1: that you can contract that way, that there are condoms
Speaker 1: that don't have sperms out on them that are specifically
Speaker 1: for that. But then also to the conversation around just
Speaker 1: the fact that certain things are associated with intimacy, right,
Speaker 1: and so there is a thing to consider about how
Speaker 1: you get to intimacy. So for me, it's not just
Speaker 1: a conversation just about oh, this is the thing that
Speaker 1: people doing sex, let's talk about it. It's like there's
Speaker 1: something that happens in a sexual experience where you land
Speaker 1: in a certain place, and so it's important for me
Speaker 1: to have a conversation about well, how how how do
Speaker 1: you think someone lands at that form? So more too,
Speaker 1: like when does that person deserve that? Like when not
Speaker 1: when is that something you desire and that's something you
Speaker 1: are doing for response and reaction? When are you doing
Speaker 1: something because that is something you desire sexually. So there's
Speaker 1: a real kind of conversation about the pathway to certain
Speaker 1: experimentation as it comes to sex. Because one thing about
Speaker 1: women is that we do have a lot of things
Speaker 1: that we're willing to do sexually that have nothing to
Speaker 1: do with something we desire. It's like I gotta keep
Speaker 1: it fresh, or I gotta keep it hot, or I
Speaker 1: gotta be like this woman or that woman, or they
Speaker 1: talked about it. This is what girls are doing. And
Speaker 1: so in order for him to think I'm sexual, I
Speaker 1: gotta do that. So to me, I wanna kind of
Speaker 1: erase that thinking and say, let's recenter your needs. So
Speaker 1: a lot of times with my girls, I talk about
Speaker 1: recentering your needs, and I talked about this with you
Speaker 1: with my boys too, about life, every environment and you
Speaker 1: go into you have to remember to recenter your needs,
Speaker 1: not in a selfish way, but in a self awareness
Speaker 1: kind of way. So that's the thing was like for me,
Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, well you know, and I'm not trying
Speaker 1: to say that every conversation is appropriate for a young girl.
Speaker 1: But I do think that it's important that if your
Speaker 1: kid possesses even a fraction of that language outside of
Speaker 1: their interaction with you, is your respon autability to address it.
Speaker 1: And it is likely that your kids have this language
Speaker 1: way before you're ready to admit that they do. As
Speaker 1: it's a deep breath and then you tell the truth,
Speaker 1: you know, as much as possible, because when did you
Speaker 1: really start liking giving oral sex? As that's so interesting
Speaker 1: that you say that, because it's so valid. It's like,
Speaker 1: when did you really, as a woman start enjoying giving
Speaker 1: oral sex? It wasn't initially, it was its usually is
Speaker 1: it right at the moment when you start no? Uh, well,
Speaker 1: my mother said two things she said now that I
Speaker 1: think about this. One was not everybody can go? Not
Speaker 1: everybody can go? And so what was the other thing?
Speaker 1: Probably something really really important, but not everybody can can
Speaker 1: get that. That's not for everybody, just like you know,
Speaker 1: for our young men, not every You're not supposed to
Speaker 1: have your head between everybody's legs either, you know. So
Speaker 1: that's that you all realize that that though that may
Speaker 1: be our own personal value, that also to even that
Speaker 1: is indicative of a very kind of specific value around
Speaker 1: sex and sexuality. There are some people who look at
Speaker 1: at that as it's just another part of the sexual act,
Speaker 1: and that placing so much importance on it then kind
Speaker 1: of continues to perpetuate this idea about what is right, proper, moral,
Speaker 1: what is what makes you a good girl? And xual
Speaker 1: bag in this conversation, and we're still in a very
Speaker 1: headeral bag, we are a lot of it. Who's to say,
Speaker 1: your pleasure can be wrapped up in any number of
Speaker 1: different things. So it is so at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, you gotta you're I'm always thinking with young
Speaker 1: people it's about helping them to understand that it's always
Speaker 1: about a conversation with yourself, discovering who you are, what
Speaker 1: your needs are, and being focused on that so that
Speaker 1: the person who you are with is clear that that's
Speaker 1: what this is about to a degree, not in a
Speaker 1: selfish way, but just that knowing yourself helps you to
Speaker 1: know that person also you know what I mean and
Speaker 1: be a fair and equal partner and what's happening no
Speaker 1: matter what the outcome of that situation, whether it's a
Speaker 1: relationship or it's just an exchange of sexual energy, Like
Speaker 1: people just you know today, my physical mother told me
Speaker 1: that not everybody can get it. My horn mother the
Speaker 1: great finess, don't she taught me to mother. Yes, she
Speaker 1: taught me that you are supposed to orgas on from
Speaker 1: everything that you do, and if you're not getting leisure,
Speaker 1: then you should not be doing it. It's it's a
Speaker 1: pleasurable act, right, and if it doesn't please you, then
Speaker 1: this is not what you should be doing or who
Speaker 1: you should be doing it too. Yes, porn mother, fair enough? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree, I mean, I agree. I don't think I'm
Speaker 1: doing my kids any any favors from dealing and respectability
Speaker 1: because respectability greature. And I don't want my kids to
Speaker 1: go silent on me and I don't want to erase
Speaker 1: them in my mind consciousness. So that's that's not I'm
Speaker 1: not interested in that, right. It's not going to help
Speaker 1: you or them to to be silent because you're trying
Speaker 1: to be morally correct or prudish or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: I don't know. You can throw a thousand glossy verse
Speaker 1: on it. Your children are going to have intimacies, they're
Speaker 1: going to have sex, They're probably they're going to fuck somebody.
Speaker 1: They are to me all these parents just but it's true,
Speaker 1: and the better you prepare them, the better off they
Speaker 1: will be period period and they won't go jack up
Speaker 1: somebody else's kid. Yeah, how about that? How many? How
Speaker 1: many young men were never they were taught to get it,
Speaker 1: you know, by any means necessary, go out and get it.
Speaker 1: How many men in general have messed up a relationship
Speaker 1: with a great woman, you know because they were just
Speaker 1: trying to get it. They didn't stop, they didn't think,
Speaker 1: they weren't present, They just trying to do it. And
Speaker 1: that's it. You know, that happens. It happens quite a bit,
Speaker 1: and it's a shortcoming. Quite frankly, that's my opinion. I agree,
Speaker 1: because as a human being, you're missing out on so much. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can screw, but be up from be clear about
Speaker 1: what it is, that why you're here. And then with
Speaker 1: the information that you gave Agia, it's it's teaching young
Speaker 1: women and my age too, don't just assume because you're
Speaker 1: having sex with somebody that it means more than what
Speaker 1: it actually does. You're getting some stress relief, and I
Speaker 1: think it's important to add this to the mix. Added
Speaker 1: one and four women will experience some sort of sexual assault. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and so there is trauma around sex, and many times
Speaker 1: these things happen in young women's lives and young men's
Speaker 1: lives and their parents don't know. So the conversation their
Speaker 1: parents are having are not from the lens of that
Speaker 1: my kid could have been already victimized or will be
Speaker 1: in the future. So I think that normalizing conversations around
Speaker 1: sexual trauma also is really an important part of helping
Speaker 1: your children to be free in this space and free
Speaker 1: themselves in those spaces, because as we all know and
Speaker 1: have discussed in other places in this podcast, that we
Speaker 1: can carry those things into our adult life and they
Speaker 1: can affect our relationships for the whole time that we're here.
Speaker 1: So you know, if the key is to have this
Speaker 1: really healthy kid, you gotta be open to that's a
Speaker 1: human and that that human will come in contact all
Speaker 1: kinds of different experiences people and know many things about themselves,
Speaker 1: so you know, you gotta be ready for all that.
Speaker 1: And again, there are three women on this podcast, and
Speaker 1: all three have been sexually assaulted. I will say that
Speaker 1: is one of the things that my mother told me
Speaker 1: about sex is after I was sexually assaulted, she said
Speaker 1: she know unfortunately, baby. She was like, this is something
Speaker 1: that most women go through and that was an interesting moment.
Speaker 1: I was like, the hers was date on our date.
Speaker 1: You know, everybody has a story, So you're right, we
Speaker 1: gotta have these conversations, right and honestly, and I have
Speaker 1: not had this experience before, but I think it's important too.
Speaker 1: And this is probably a whole another conversation, but in
Speaker 1: the black community, like how we have conversations about sexuality
Speaker 1: and sex with our children who are queer or a
Speaker 1: l g B t Q. So I think that's really
Speaker 1: important as well, because I feel, like you said, you
Speaker 1: put the nail on the head. We're coming from very
Speaker 1: heater resexual lands today and obviously that's our experience, so
Speaker 1: we should speak on what we know and not on
Speaker 1: what we don't. You know what I mean. But I
Speaker 1: think if you're talking about what your mom told you,
Speaker 1: or you're kind of functioning in a mothering space, which
Speaker 1: all of us have, those of us who have biological children,
Speaker 1: those who of us who don't, bottom line is that
Speaker 1: you're doing plenty moothering. And the idea here is that
Speaker 1: we know that all kids are different, and all young
Speaker 1: people are different, and they're going to be different adults.
Speaker 1: They have different experiences with sexuality and with sex and
Speaker 1: only I'm sorry, go ahead forgive me. Oh no, no, no,
Speaker 1: just just if that's your only space, if you're if
Speaker 1: you're only ready and open to talk about one particular
Speaker 1: kind of experience, then that is a form of silence
Speaker 1: in that person and raising that person. So you gotta
Speaker 1: be really aware of that. And that's something that you
Speaker 1: know that even I'm still trying to, you know, wrap
Speaker 1: my head around as well. And this is where the
Speaker 1: village comes into play, because you know, I can only
Speaker 1: speak on the things that I know, and they have experience.
Speaker 1: And you know, this is when you you pull in anto,
Speaker 1: your uncle or homely friend, whatever the case may be,
Speaker 1: to have a conversation that you're not prepared to have
Speaker 1: because you just don't know. But they need to know.
Speaker 1: It's important that we send our children out into this
Speaker 1: world armed as well, armed as possible. I do wish
Speaker 1: I had your Dame. I do wish your dad told
Speaker 1: me you know the rules of the age. I mean
Speaker 1: that right there. I hope somebody you know, can you
Speaker 1: can replay this and listen to that again. I should
Speaker 1: have stopped and say hey, hey, get your pen and
Speaker 1: your paper, get your get your phone out, and Jack's
Speaker 1: down in your notes. Like these these things are super
Speaker 1: important because damn it, life will take its turns it certainly, Well,
Speaker 1: we all bring our stuff with us, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, and along with our baggage and and lie
Speaker 1: you said it perfectly, along with our baggage, but we
Speaker 1: do also bring our intentions are good intending and it's
Speaker 1: a very human space and vulnerable space to talk about
Speaker 1: these things, and particularly with young people. And if we
Speaker 1: embrace that vulnerability, I just really think we're gonna be
Speaker 1: in a great position with them. If you tell positioning
Speaker 1: with young people like I know what I'm yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: then if people couldn't see my face the positioning like
Speaker 1: I know, I know what I'm talking about from I
Speaker 1: know everything about you don't know. Yeah, you're gonna You're
Speaker 1: gonna turn them away from you, and they're not. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna talk to you. And you need them to communicate,
Speaker 1: and they need to hear your voice, and they need
Speaker 1: to hear your villages voice as well. You get to
Speaker 1: choose as a parent, who do they talk to? You know?
Speaker 1: For uh far as adults are concerned now when it
Speaker 1: comes to kids. Kids, you know, they get a lot
Speaker 1: of information too, and a lot of that stuff trash, yes, grass,
Speaker 1: And you certainly do not want the fourteen, thirteen, twelve
Speaker 1: year old girl who has been sexually assaulted in her
Speaker 1: own home to talk to your kid about what sex
Speaker 1: and sexuality means because she she doesn't, she doesn't have
Speaker 1: the same mindset that you will as dangerous thing. But
Speaker 1: sex is beautiful and it is healthy and important part
Speaker 1: of our lives. And I'm grateful for the things that
Speaker 1: my mother shared, uh and grandmother shared with my mom.
Speaker 1: And I'm hoping that your mother's out there and your
Speaker 1: daughters remember to to share with with our young guns,
Speaker 1: our young guns, because they need us and our boys
Speaker 1: do too. We'll be back after the break. Coming up
Speaker 1: next on the show What's on Your Heart an occasional
Speaker 1: segment where we're check in with people we respect about
Speaker 1: how they're really feeling. How do y'all? I think that's
Speaker 1: somebody calling. That must mean it's time for what on?
Speaker 1: What a pleasure? With a pleasure? We have somebody on? Hello, Hello,
Speaker 1: Hi liya? Can you explain who is up here with us? Right? Now, well,
Speaker 1: of course I can explain. We have the creator of
Speaker 1: the Black Mom's Blog. She also is the writer of
Speaker 1: the book that You Need called Oh Sis, You're Pregnant,
Speaker 1: The Ultimate Guide to Black Pregnancy and motherhood. And my
Speaker 1: favorite thing that she does is sending folks on retreats. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she has created the ultimate retreat with the self Care Retreats.
Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, tell us tell everybody who we have
Speaker 1: on the line today. Thank you all for having me.
Speaker 1: My name is Snisha Boswell. I'm like, how do I
Speaker 1: follow up the introduction? She hit? She hit all the points.
Speaker 1: I am the creator of Black Mom's Blog, where we
Speaker 1: talk parents and culture and lifestyle from a black mom's
Speaker 1: point of view. We are a global community of more
Speaker 1: than five hundred thousand wonderful, wonderful women from all over
Speaker 1: the world. I just wrote a book. It is an
Speaker 1: Amazon best seller, Oh Sister Your Pregnant. Yes, it's a
Speaker 1: Black Black What to Expect when You're expecting. And I
Speaker 1: also have a retreat company which I just finished doing
Speaker 1: work for. We have four retreats to summer three and
Speaker 1: shamake that in one in Columbia coming coming. That's it.
Speaker 1: I think I think you need three whole listens. Well,
Speaker 1: I think you need you just need the one. You
Speaker 1: just need the one one for every I know that's right.
Speaker 1: I got him, y'all, I got him. But yeah, thank
Speaker 1: you for having love it, Ben Tastic. I appreciate so
Speaker 1: much that you saw the need, because, right, you have
Speaker 1: what to expect when you're expecting, you have Joe Frost,
Speaker 1: you know, the nanny or supernanny, you know. But to
Speaker 1: to see that there was a need and to address
Speaker 1: it being a mom is hard. Now throw in being
Speaker 1: an African of dissent mama, there's a lot to deal
Speaker 1: with and a lot that is misrepresented. I agree, and
Speaker 1: I think for me it was also like where my
Speaker 1: mama's at? Everybody Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama at heart, great auntie,
Speaker 1: I know all that. Yes, so you know, I have
Speaker 1: my daughter at twenty three years old, and everything that
Speaker 1: I read online or I saw it was like the oh,
Speaker 1: my belly is getting bigger, and my feet are spreading,
Speaker 1: my nose is spreading. But there wasn't anything that spoke
Speaker 1: to me as a black woman. And I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: how do I talk to black women about empowerment using
Speaker 1: their voice, but then those very real conversations about like
Speaker 1: what do I need to talk to my O B
Speaker 1: about how do I pay off my student loan? Dead
Speaker 1: um Anthony Hamilton's has a part in the book where
Speaker 1: he wrote a letter to black fathers, empowering them and
Speaker 1: telling them what it's like, because y'all know, being a
Speaker 1: black parent in this world is not just the typical
Speaker 1: conversation of oh, I'm happy one day that child is
Speaker 1: going to be an adult, and so how do we
Speaker 1: talk to our kids about that? And then just motherhood
Speaker 1: in general, how do I get my groove back? Because
Speaker 1: I'm a sexual being, right, and that what got me man.
Speaker 1: So I can't stand that part of motherhood that we
Speaker 1: act like sex doesn't exist and it's not a real thing.
Speaker 1: But I mean, come on, what we what were we
Speaker 1: doing when we got pregnant? Right? Hello? Hello? I hear
Speaker 1: a lot of black mothers in particular say I live
Speaker 1: for my children and I crazy. I think, so true,
Speaker 1: it's crazy, girl. I wish they could have sing your
Speaker 1: look the look on your face so Connie, because the
Speaker 1: hair got pushed back and the face went no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: we don't scare that. He you hear that a lot.
Speaker 1: What's the remix to that. That remix is there is
Speaker 1: a separation between motherhood and womanhood, and you cannot forget
Speaker 1: your womanhood. It is not the same because my my
Speaker 1: belief is I don't live from my daughter. I live
Speaker 1: for myself, and she benefits from saying a happy, healthy
Speaker 1: and well rounded mother. I teach her about peace, I
Speaker 1: teach her about self care now because at the same time,
Speaker 1: when we're talking to moms all day long about find
Speaker 1: your pieces, do this, how will your children are running
Speaker 1: around the house like like they're crazy. Okay, you can't
Speaker 1: do that. And so once again, like we said earlier,
Speaker 1: like a part of me teaching my daughter about anything
Speaker 1: is teaching her about her self worth and understanding that
Speaker 1: a big part of her self worth is understanding who
Speaker 1: she is and why she needs her A long time
Speaker 1: before I got on this call, we just had a
Speaker 1: whole thirty minute conversation about hygiene and taking care of
Speaker 1: her body because of how she shows up in the
Speaker 1: world and so not to divert but going back to that, yes,
Speaker 1: there is a huge difference between who I am as
Speaker 1: a mother and who I am as Shanisha. I'm a
Speaker 1: whole person. And I'm thirty two years old, you know,
Speaker 1: and so a large part of my audience is their
Speaker 1: millennial moms. And I'm like, you're not old, you're young.
Speaker 1: You still like to go out with your friends. Don't
Speaker 1: feel guilty about that, but handle your business so that
Speaker 1: you can do it in peace and comfort without the
Speaker 1: worry of you know, Oh my god, I gotta, you know,
Speaker 1: figure this out so you know all of all of
Speaker 1: what I do. And that's why I have to retreat
Speaker 1: company because I was seeing all these women. Majority of
Speaker 1: my attendees are mothers, but a lot of them are
Speaker 1: just women. And I'm like, Sis, come on here and
Speaker 1: let's let's let's gain some truth so that when you
Speaker 1: leave here you know how to go home and know
Speaker 1: that you're still a person that deserves some love, attention,
Speaker 1: respect and care from those around you. You're not just
Speaker 1: a mama. So we talked about that in the book.
Speaker 1: I think it's so fabulous that we're getting to this
Speaker 1: point where we're starting to really be super clear about
Speaker 1: separating these roles and being really intentional about how we
Speaker 1: treat ourselves as women outside of the role of mother.
Speaker 1: But I think, you know, what's really kind of fascinating about,
Speaker 1: you know, just kind of about this point of view
Speaker 1: that you're that you're talking about, is that you know,
Speaker 1: it's just really about being seen. I was like, women
Speaker 1: have a hard time being present and seen in the room,
Speaker 1: and so all the different things and over the years
Speaker 1: have made it harder for us to be seen in motherhood.
Speaker 1: Although it's a beautiful thing, it can be a thing
Speaker 1: that tends to overshadow who you are as an individual.
Speaker 1: And a lot of mothers are not saying we're afraid
Speaker 1: to take up We're afraid to take up space exactly.
Speaker 1: We're so afraid, we're afraid to be loud, because what
Speaker 1: do they call you when you're when you're allowed black woman,
Speaker 1: They call you ghetto, they call you unworthy, they call
Speaker 1: you they we just have all these say sassy, angry,
Speaker 1: And it's like, how many times did I say this
Speaker 1: quietly before anybody cares? And now that I'm now that
Speaker 1: I'm roaring, Now I'm the problem. And so for a
Speaker 1: lot of us, like we're afraid to take up space simply,
Speaker 1: like simply and in the motherhood community, I used to
Speaker 1: say that, you know, I'm a mom blogger, That's why
Speaker 1: I started off so many other things, but I started
Speaker 1: off as a mom blogger. And what I was seeing
Speaker 1: was I felt like all I were mothers, like white women,
Speaker 1: and then the black women were like white women with
Speaker 1: brown paint pord on top. They still weren't black, you know.
Speaker 1: They were like, I'm just trying to trying to squeeze
Speaker 1: into this little you know, this little, this little category.
Speaker 1: And I was like, no, I'm going to create a
Speaker 1: platform called black Mom's Blog. And everybody was like, why
Speaker 1: would you do that? Why would you? Why would you
Speaker 1: isolate yourself in that way? And why I'm gonna want
Speaker 1: to work with you? And nobody's gonna want to do this?
Speaker 1: And I was like, who are these white people? She said,
Speaker 1: these are black people. That's why I said why. I
Speaker 1: have noticed over the years a lot of black mom
Speaker 1: bloggers have steered away from being specific about their blackness
Speaker 1: talking about the experiences as black mothers. It's just very universal.
Speaker 1: And even though I find it beautiful talking about it, regardless,
Speaker 1: seeing black faces and those spaces are always you know,
Speaker 1: a breath of fresh air. But it's good to know
Speaker 1: that you're being super intentional about it, even outside of
Speaker 1: your work. I mean, we know, you know, we know
Speaker 1: what you do. You know this particular part of this
Speaker 1: show is really about what is on your heart. And
Speaker 1: so please tell us, my darling, my darling, dear, what's
Speaker 1: on your heart? You know what this is? So okay?
Speaker 1: I just ended two relationships to the front. Ended one.
Speaker 1: It was one was a platonic and the other one
Speaker 1: was a you know, a thing thing right, and I
Speaker 1: had to let it go. And it was because you know,
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm super great at manifesting things in
Speaker 1: my business and my friendship because I listened to my
Speaker 1: I listened to my intuition. But when it comes to men, folks,
Speaker 1: I suck at love. I am such a fixer. And
Speaker 1: because I'm a fixer, I'm always trying to fix, fix, fix,
Speaker 1: and all love with potential. And one day he gonna
Speaker 1: beat this and one day he gonna be that. And
Speaker 1: I had this Sister Circle ceremony this weekend and I
Speaker 1: walked away with so much clarity, and I said, the
Speaker 1: thing that I put on the table was that I
Speaker 1: want respect. I was like, I want respect from my
Speaker 1: my partners, right, I want respect from those that you know.
Speaker 1: I want a man to walk into my life and
Speaker 1: say it's you and not listening to anybody telling me
Speaker 1: that I can't have that. And I live in Atlanta
Speaker 1: and struggle girl, all the women. You know, it's such
Speaker 1: a thing down here, you know. So that's what's on
Speaker 1: my heart. What's on my heart right now is making
Speaker 1: space in my life to accept love. And I knew
Speaker 1: I couldn't do that if I kept convoluting the space
Speaker 1: with people that weren't supposed to have me in that way.
Speaker 1: And so people that aren't supposed to have me in
Speaker 1: that way after many years, girl, I was I was sad,
Speaker 1: but I said, this is gonna feel so much better.
Speaker 1: And I feel really good right now. So that's what's
Speaker 1: all my heart. Congratulations girl, congratulation three weeks fresh. So
Speaker 1: I'm with you on that, because when you know you
Speaker 1: did the right thing, when you know you did the
Speaker 1: right thing for yourself, even as much as you love
Speaker 1: that person and love that relationship, it's it's spills. Its
Speaker 1: spills so much more different than five years ago when
Speaker 1: you broke up with somebody and it was just you
Speaker 1: didn't have an understanding of what you wanted and who
Speaker 1: you were blah blah, blah, right, like you take the
Speaker 1: right right. But see this being a mother of a daughter,
Speaker 1: see this is the clarity that warms my heart deep
Speaker 1: on the inside because I know that this is the
Speaker 1: experience that when it is time to sit and have
Speaker 1: that woman to woman talk with your daughter, that this
Speaker 1: you can explain from personal experience and not as a
Speaker 1: mother warning. Right, because as moms we grew up mother's
Speaker 1: given us the warnings but did not have but did
Speaker 1: not have why, but did not have the actions to
Speaker 1: go with me. So it's like, yeah, you're telling me
Speaker 1: to do something you haven't even done for yourself. Yes,
Speaker 1: go past that. What you have here is an intentional
Speaker 1: life that they led. And then on top of that,
Speaker 1: you're then you're able to say to her, this is
Speaker 1: how you do it. I know because I didn't. I
Speaker 1: know from experience. It's that mama trauma. And you know,
Speaker 1: like I said, I had the sister circle this weekend
Speaker 1: and I was sitting there and we were talking about
Speaker 1: our mama trauma, and we were talking about the times
Speaker 1: that we've looked back at our parents and been like
Speaker 1: you knew better, Why didn't you do better? Why did
Speaker 1: you why did you snatch me out of that situation
Speaker 1: and something better. Why did I have to learn about
Speaker 1: heartbreak from from Jill Scott songs? Why did I have
Speaker 1: to learn about heartbreak and all these things from my
Speaker 1: friends and movies? And you were my mother? Why weren't
Speaker 1: you talking to me about this? But at the same time,
Speaker 1: not blaming my mother, but knowing that I wanted to
Speaker 1: do it differently. And so the way, you know, we're
Speaker 1: moving past because I said so a way of parents.
Speaker 1: You know, it's like, look at the example, look at
Speaker 1: what I'm doing, and I can't tell you to walk
Speaker 1: in like if I'm not even doing that. And so
Speaker 1: you know, this is such a process. And it's like
Speaker 1: when you have children, especially a little girl. You're growing.
Speaker 1: As your daughter grows, I'm looking at her and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I would not want no man to treat you like this.
Speaker 1: So why am I allowing myself to go through this?
Speaker 1: You know? And a lot of it's just fear. You
Speaker 1: don't want to end up by yourself. You know, We're
Speaker 1: doing great in our business, our friends are great, we're traveling,
Speaker 1: but at the end of the day, we want companionship.
Speaker 1: And I feel like I want more women to start
Speaker 1: admitting that it's so hard all the time, all the time,
Speaker 1: all the time. We're so we're so, we're so hard.
Speaker 1: And I'm okay, I'm not okay by myself, but I
Speaker 1: also know and let me take that back. I'm okay,
Speaker 1: but you know what I mean. But okay, okay, it's
Speaker 1: not okay. It's not a preference, right, It's not like, fine,
Speaker 1: I want to be great, yeah, fine, okay, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: have to have a great partner in life. This big
Speaker 1: girl decision that you just made the choice to to
Speaker 1: step away from something that was convenient, that was probably
Speaker 1: some a lot of fun at times, that filled some holes.
Speaker 1: You know, with time, you know, the fact that you've
Speaker 1: done this is a major step. And I can tell
Speaker 1: you from personal experience that when you make room for
Speaker 1: what you really want in your life, you already know,
Speaker 1: manifestation happens. It happens. Yeah, And it's been like that
Speaker 1: every time I, you know, and I had to. I
Speaker 1: had to find my comfort in that space because every
Speaker 1: time I've walked away before, because we've all done it, right,
Speaker 1: how many times do you walk away before you've finally
Speaker 1: done it? Probably happens like six times? Fair enough? It
Speaker 1: a lot, but this is the final. But every time
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I've been married for twenty one years.
Speaker 1: So she's like, AJ, never walked away from here. I
Speaker 1: was thinking. I was actually thinking, she's telling my truth
Speaker 1: because I just walked away for the first time. So
Speaker 1: I might have to come back a few more times
Speaker 1: on this, but you the truth. Go ahead. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: don't I'm trying. I'm I'm trying. I'm trying. It's a
Speaker 1: lot sex, a lot, but I'm walking away. But honestly,
Speaker 1: every time that I've walked away, I've invited in this
Speaker 1: beautiful thing and my friendly You know, this is why
Speaker 1: your girlfriends are important. I always say your counsel. You
Speaker 1: gotta have a counsel of friends like that ain't afraid
Speaker 1: to hurt your feelings, that ain't afraid to tell you
Speaker 1: when you're wrong, but will also tell you the truth.
Speaker 1: And someone phone my friend and I'm you know, I'm unloading,
Speaker 1: and I'm telling her all this and how this is hard,
Speaker 1: and she was like, she needs to. Every time you
Speaker 1: walk away from something, something great happened. So just hold
Speaker 1: on to that. Just hold on to that and stop tripping.
Speaker 1: And so I took a deep breath, and I was like,
Speaker 1: you're right, okay, And so that's where I am right now.
Speaker 1: I'm feeling okay. I'm strong today, Shanisha. Do you have
Speaker 1: a Do you have a wife? I talked about it.
Speaker 1: Oh my work wife. Her name is Brendan Colemore. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: that's my ten years of friendship. That is my work wife.
Speaker 1: My wife will get you through. Wife will get you through. Listen,
Speaker 1: I got I got about four of them. Okay. I
Speaker 1: have one thing, you know, I'm really grateful for my life.
Speaker 1: I have a really really strong group of friends. And
Speaker 1: I always say they come to like brains, right. So
Speaker 1: I have my inner ring, my outer ring, the outer ring.
Speaker 1: But that's what I do. I I operated sister circles
Speaker 1: and and healing women and healing myself. And so because
Speaker 1: of that, like my my friendships are the world to me.
Speaker 1: They are one of my pillars of brownding. I am
Speaker 1: who I am because of the women around me, and
Speaker 1: all of my friends are doing well. You know. So
Speaker 1: when I when I hear women talk about how they
Speaker 1: don't get along with other women, and I look at
Speaker 1: how they treat each other, I'm like, well that damn,
Speaker 1: I get it. Yeah, I love women. I don't like bitches.
Speaker 1: You don't I can't. Yeah, I don't. I don't know
Speaker 1: so many bitches. I know so many amazing women that
Speaker 1: got so we talked about this all the time. It's
Speaker 1: like you are speaking, you're singing my sorry because you
Speaker 1: are singing my song. Because I love this is this
Speaker 1: is one of the biggest joys of my life. And
Speaker 1: I always say that I got this guy, that I
Speaker 1: learned this from my mom, because my mother had the
Speaker 1: same kind of way that she functioned in her friendships.
Speaker 1: But it's scientific. I don't know if y'all know this,
Speaker 1: but women have been studied that they function better cognitively
Speaker 1: and emotionally when they have really healthy interactions with other
Speaker 1: women on a consistent basis. And so so this is
Speaker 1: a real component to women's health and women's wellness. Is
Speaker 1: having a good so crazy that it's always been that way,
Speaker 1: you know, because I mean, it's it's like common sense
Speaker 1: at this point you get around some women examples, you know,
Speaker 1: align like we're powerful in that way. But look at
Speaker 1: our look at our tribes as black people. Isn't that
Speaker 1: what we did? Didn't the women run the village didn't
Speaker 1: we berthed around the tree together? Didn't we do that?
Speaker 1: You know? I talked about that in osis, like when
Speaker 1: you look at our tradition, our culture, our birthright, we
Speaker 1: were that's how we were raised, That's how that's how
Speaker 1: we were birthed into this world. The men they sat
Speaker 1: on the outside. The women came together in a circle,
Speaker 1: and the birthing mother leaned against the tree and had
Speaker 1: a baby, and they chanted for her and they loved
Speaker 1: on her, and that that baby was raised in this village.
Speaker 1: So when when did we get away from that? What
Speaker 1: took us away from thinking that we no longer needed
Speaker 1: each other? Sa ladies one, two three, I want on
Speaker 1: that one. I'm gonna catch up. You have to always
Speaker 1: put the blame where the blame belong. Baby, put the
Speaker 1: blame where it belongs. It's very easy to do yourself
Speaker 1: if the whole world is telling you you don't have
Speaker 1: any value. Yes, and every against each other. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I love this conversation because it has always come down
Speaker 1: to my favorite people, black women on my favorite people period.
Speaker 1: I think I date my favorite they are my favorite people.
Speaker 1: And it's not to take anything away from anyone, but
Speaker 1: it is just really the way that I feel most
Speaker 1: ful and coming down from to this past week and
Speaker 1: having to deal with so many different aspects of my
Speaker 1: children's development and interacting with them so much. Having this
Speaker 1: conversation with other black women is that replenish that I needed.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I no, this wasn't about me, but you
Speaker 1: know what I had to speak on it had to
Speaker 1: speak on it. This was the replenish that I needed.
Speaker 1: We oftentimes feel this feeling that when we get on
Speaker 1: the phone would be like I missed it. This is
Speaker 1: a sister circle though, when three or more gathered, you know,
Speaker 1: and the four more powerful East, West, North, and South
Speaker 1: together and we speak a thing, it happens. So you know,
Speaker 1: obviously we need to be really mindful of what we say. Indeed,
Speaker 1: in the I was just thinking, I was like those
Speaker 1: for those ladies that listen to the at least to
Speaker 1: listen to this show, that are those kind of ladies
Speaker 1: that are like, I don't have any girlfriends. Maybe now
Speaker 1: you do, and maybe now you can see that you
Speaker 1: can interact with the ladies, and maybe now you need
Speaker 1: to open your heart. And there it is when whenever
Speaker 1: women talk about what it makes me so sad. I
Speaker 1: made a post about that last year, women like I
Speaker 1: don't like other women, and I'm like, what I'm hearing
Speaker 1: is that you don't like yourself. You know, you have
Speaker 1: to be vulnerable, you gotta open up your heart to
Speaker 1: other women, and a lot of us are scared of that.
Speaker 1: A lot of women are scared to do that because
Speaker 1: they don't want to be found out, you know, said
Speaker 1: imposter syndrome. They don't feel like they don't belong or
Speaker 1: she's gonna you know, she's gonna smell my nerdy draws,
Speaker 1: you know, whatever the case may be. It's exhausting wearing
Speaker 1: that mask though It's like, man, I look, I just
Speaker 1: helped that all those women know that those masks are heavy,
Speaker 1: and man, a good girlfriend can help you take that
Speaker 1: thing right off. I always feel like friendships, like good friendships,
Speaker 1: it's not something you have to think about. You just
Speaker 1: have to You have to be in the space where
Speaker 1: you're doing something that you that you enjoy. You know,
Speaker 1: you're around people you enjoy or a place you enjoy,
Speaker 1: and a friend will just show up like and you
Speaker 1: know it. I love when that happens. You just see
Speaker 1: somebody like your girl, where are you going? You know.
Speaker 1: I love those moments like I'm riding with you, you know,
Speaker 1: I love when that happens. The best relationships in my
Speaker 1: life are the ones where I've allowed myself to not
Speaker 1: only trust others, but to trust me. I trust who
Speaker 1: I am, I know who I am coming into that,
Speaker 1: into that space, and I just feel this really great
Speaker 1: sense of confidence and trusting yourself from you. You know,
Speaker 1: when I'm looking at you and your body language and
Speaker 1: the way that you speak, I'm like, girl, you trust yourself.
Speaker 1: You trust that what's coming out of your mouth is
Speaker 1: out of love, is the truth, it's who you are,
Speaker 1: it's your personal truth. So that that makes me feel wonderful.
Speaker 1: Like I'm looking at you, like, yes, girl, we are
Speaker 1: exactly ten years apart, you and me. You all can't
Speaker 1: see her, but it's it's just heartwarming to see you
Speaker 1: just glowing. It's wonderful because so often you know, our
Speaker 1: sisters and not they're not allowing. They're not allowing, especially
Speaker 1: since they tell us like the thirties. I remember what
Speaker 1: I turned thirty and they were like, this is the
Speaker 1: stage we're supposed to realize who you are and what
Speaker 1: you want, and to be honest, we've had a conversation
Speaker 1: on this show that those number formulas don't always add
Speaker 1: up like that. So the fact that you are closer
Speaker 1: to that and I'm not putting that pressure on you,
Speaker 1: but it just feels like you are closer than most
Speaker 1: of them have been. That is beautiful. That's beautiful. It's
Speaker 1: so many things. Remember Girlfriends came on Netflix, and I
Speaker 1: know that Joan was only years You gotta you gotta
Speaker 1: re watch things as an adult that you grew up on.
Speaker 1: That was like she was nine, but that she was
Speaker 1: a partner on the law firm, that yes, the house anything.
Speaker 1: It's like you think that you have to have everything
Speaker 1: figured out by tommy thirties, don't. You don't. But one
Speaker 1: thing I can't say is that motherhood raised me and
Speaker 1: a heartbreak raised me even more. And so sometimes we
Speaker 1: do both things that causes us to grow up. You
Speaker 1: know that grow up And it's it's kind of what
Speaker 1: you say is you're like, when you're around somebody who
Speaker 1: trust themselves, you feel comfortable because we know that a
Speaker 1: person who's hungry will eat you, and so I love
Speaker 1: being around fulfilled women. So you're not gonna eat me.
Speaker 1: I'm not just say that again. You should just say
Speaker 1: that again because time when you all got time and
Speaker 1: I met those women, I love you from Afar because
Speaker 1: you're not gonna You're not gonna grow upon my soul.
Speaker 1: I know what you're trying to do, So I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna eat yours either. When you're hungry, you don't. At
Speaker 1: one more time, just so I can repeat it like
Speaker 1: I said it myself. Were you hungry, you don't what
Speaker 1: when we're hungry, you don't want nobody to eat you,
Speaker 1: So stay away from hungry people. They will eat you alive.
Speaker 1: You live, Hony, You said a yeah. Many many jewels,
Speaker 1: many many jewels have been drussed, and I for one,
Speaker 1: so much for spending your We're so happy to see you,
Speaker 1: young woman. Where can we find you, babe? Where where
Speaker 1: can we find? You can find me on the internet
Speaker 1: at Shani sha Boswell Shania Boswell dot com if you're
Speaker 1: a mama, black Mom's blog, Black Mom's blog dot com,
Speaker 1: Black Mom's blog across all social media, and my book
Speaker 1: is wherever books you're sold. You can find it at
Speaker 1: Barnes and Noble, Amazon Books a Million, Walmart, go pick
Speaker 1: up a copy, buy for yourself, by for a friend,
Speaker 1: support a black woman. I love you, we love you too,
Speaker 1: Thank you so very much. Bravo says this, somebody clep,
Speaker 1: how do you eat an elephant? One by time. If
Speaker 1: you've made it to this part of the show, then
Speaker 1: there's a good chance you already know us up. But
Speaker 1: if you don't, I'm producer Eves and this is the
Speaker 1: part of the episode where I give you some resources
Speaker 1: that are related to this conversation, and this time they're
Speaker 1: all books. Layah recommends Our Bodies Ourselves by the Boston
Speaker 1: Women's Health Book Collective. You can also check out The
Speaker 1: Joy of Sex and Illustrated Sex Manual, first published in
Speaker 1: the nineteen seventies. And I know we've told you about
Speaker 1: it before, but as a reminder, there's the book Vanessa
Speaker 1: del Rio Fifty Years of Slightly Slutty Behavior. There are
Speaker 1: encyclopedias of sexually transmitted diseases that provide info on the
Speaker 1: history and call this of STDs. Of course, sex looks
Speaker 1: different for different people, and there's a lot of nuance
Speaker 1: when it comes to sexuality, anatomy, preferences, and sensitivities. So
Speaker 1: find a book that works for you. There are plenty
Speaker 1: out there. And finally, get Shanisha Boswell's book Osis You're Pregnant,
Speaker 1: The Ultimate Guide to Black Pregnancy and Motherhood. You can
Speaker 1: find links in the description. Hi, if you have comments
Speaker 1: on something you said in this episode called eight six six,
Speaker 1: Hey Jill, if you want to add to this conversation,
Speaker 1: that's eight six six four three nine five four five BI.
Speaker 1: Don't forget to tell us your name and the episode
Speaker 1: you're referring to. You might just hear your message on
Speaker 1: a future episode. Thank you for listening to Jill Scott
Speaker 1: Presents j dot il the Podcast. This podcast is hosted
Speaker 1: by Jill Scott, Laia st Clair and Aga Great and Danceller.
Speaker 1: It's executive producers are Jill Scott, Shawn g and Brian
Speaker 1: Calhoun's produced by Laya st Clair and me Eve Jeff Cope.
Speaker 1: The editing and sound design for this episode we're done
Speaker 1: by Christina Loranger. Yeah, my mama was real black and
Speaker 1: then the black mamas, yes, black mothers. I'm like, you
Speaker 1: ain't heard these names because Jill, it's a whole thing,
Speaker 1: the whole thing I did not name myself. Got darned.
Speaker 1: You're almost trying to look out for your life and
Speaker 1: your career. That's all until I show up at the job.
Speaker 1: Interview j dot Ill is a production of I heart Radio.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the I
Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.