Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big
Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast, Near listeners, old listeners, wherever
Speaker 1: you are in the world. Thanks for tuning in, Thanks
Speaker 1: for joining me. What we're talking about today is something
Speaker 1: that has been on my mind a lot recently. It's
Speaker 1: really been kind of humming away, not so much bothering me,
Speaker 1: just like something that I've been quite fascinated by. I
Speaker 1: went to this concert the other day, and when I
Speaker 1: was there, I saw like hundreds, if not thousands, of
Speaker 1: people who literally could have been my clone. They were
Speaker 1: dressed like me, they had the same favorite song as me,
Speaker 1: they were living in the same city as me. I'm
Speaker 1: sure some of them even had the same name. And
Speaker 1: it really kind of got me questioning, are any of
Speaker 1: us actually having an original experience? And am I actually unique?
Speaker 1: Could you pick someone out of this crowd of like
Speaker 1: minded people and kind of replace me? And I guess
Speaker 1: with that, the question is who am I? If there
Speaker 1: are like a million others that are like me, So
Speaker 1: I thought, this is probably something we are all thinking about,
Speaker 1: so let's talk about it. A big thing that we
Speaker 1: face in our twenties is the need to establish our identity,
Speaker 1: one that is unique from our family, from our friends,
Speaker 1: from our peers, to not only feel that we kind
Speaker 1: of stand out or we're different in some way, but
Speaker 1: that what we have to offer is authentic and also
Speaker 1: exclusive to us. I think established a sense of self,
Speaker 1: concept and identity is a massive task that we face,
Speaker 1: and a big part of that is questioning how can
Speaker 1: we be unique? How can we be the only versions
Speaker 1: of ourselves out there? You know, a rare breed, someone
Speaker 1: that people look at and think, wow, I've never met
Speaker 1: someone like that before. I think that's a big part
Speaker 1: of the allure of individuality and authenticity. You know, nothing
Speaker 1: is more attractive or compelling than someone who lives as
Speaker 1: their truest and most vibrant self. And this seems impossible
Speaker 1: at times on a planet of nine billion people, but
Speaker 1: I would like for us to kind of really dive
Speaker 1: into what actually makes all of us individual when not
Speaker 1: just a copy and paste version of each other. Each
Speaker 1: of us is this like wonderfully unique pattern of experiences
Speaker 1: who see the world entirely differently, but at times we
Speaker 1: also really struggle with this sense of like who am I?
Speaker 1: How can I be completely unique? And I want to
Speaker 1: talk about it and provide a bit of a psychological
Speaker 1: guide into what makes us quote unquote special and my
Speaker 1: seven kind of major tips and strategies and theories as
Speaker 1: to how we can be completely unique. We're going to
Speaker 1: explore some very wide ranging theories, from the theory of
Speaker 1: identity development, self actualization, the origin of terms like basic,
Speaker 1: how our society has really transformed in recent decades to
Speaker 1: embrace uniqueness, and also things like the power of nature
Speaker 1: in creating authenticity and self awareness, to ideas of social
Speaker 1: conformity and how we can unlearn our need to follow
Speaker 1: trends and to be kind of the cool girl or
Speaker 1: the it girl. It's jam packed. I love thisscussing this
Speaker 1: with my friends with random people I meet at parties.
Speaker 1: The psychology behind this topic is also some of my
Speaker 1: favorite The psychology behind identity and behind uniqueness is kind
Speaker 1: of only recently, I think really begun to be explored
Speaker 1: in depth. And I also think that it's really liberating
Speaker 1: in our twenties to really embrace what makes us authentic
Speaker 1: and individual and wonderful. It unlocks a whole new outlook
Speaker 1: on life and a sense of self confidence that I
Speaker 1: think we could all do with a lot more of. So,
Speaker 1: without further ado, we're going to discuss how we can
Speaker 1: be completely unique. So let's get into it. To be
Speaker 1: unique is to be like no one else, to be
Speaker 1: like no other, to be one of a kind, And
Speaker 1: it derives from the Latin word unis, meaning one. I
Speaker 1: think as human beings we often strive for uniqueness and individuality.
Speaker 1: We naturally want to stand out. We want to express
Speaker 1: our true selves and leave a lasting impression on the world.
Speaker 1: I would say in Western cultures, especially because of this
Speaker 1: strive for individuality versus collectivism, those of us who have
Speaker 1: been raised in such societies, we really do take pride
Speaker 1: and we have this innate desire to be somewhat in
Speaker 1: the spotlight, and an element of that is being unique
Speaker 1: enough to be recognized in comparison to the status quo.
Speaker 1: The desire to be unique it stems from various psychological
Speaker 1: and social factors such as self expression, social differentiation, which
Speaker 1: is essentially how our society assigns the role and status
Speaker 1: of various members based on sociocultural factors. I think as well,
Speaker 1: there's this element or drive for personal fulfillment. When we
Speaker 1: express ourselves in unique ways, when we explore our passions
Speaker 1: and we pursue our interests, we do experience a deeper
Speaker 1: sense of fulfillment. Uniqueness really allows us to feel like
Speaker 1: we are having a unique experience of the world, and
Speaker 1: it allows us to really foster our own personal sense
Speaker 1: of self and growth and development. But additionally, I think
Speaker 1: it allows us to feel like our life is meaningful
Speaker 1: and that it is distinguishable from others. Especially in recent generations,
Speaker 1: I do think that there has been this rising preoccupation
Speaker 1: and desire to be unique and to be different, which
Speaker 1: is somewhat of a change from what we would have
Speaker 1: seen I would say one hundred even fifty years ago,
Speaker 1: when individuals and entire groups were really ostracized for diverging
Speaker 1: from that socially ingrain norm. It was really an era
Speaker 1: of social conformity. Back in the nineteen forties and nineteen fifties.
Speaker 1: There was a very inherent idea of what was normal
Speaker 1: and acceptable, and that left a lot of people constrained
Speaker 1: and limited in their individuality. When we think about a
Speaker 1: lot of the major social movements of the last fifty
Speaker 1: sixty years. A lot of them were about, of course,
Speaker 1: primarily freedom from discrimination and equality, but as a secondary consequence,
Speaker 1: the right to be different, and by fighting against that,
Speaker 1: either for sexual liberation, for equal rights for women or
Speaker 1: people of color. I think the world suddenly became accepting
Speaker 1: of different stories and identities, and this social trend towards
Speaker 1: nonconformity has created that desire to now be unique, and
Speaker 1: as that has naturally evolved, now there is beauty and
Speaker 1: and attractiveness to being different, and we see a lot
Speaker 1: of people trying to establish their personal brand, as we
Speaker 1: often call it on social media, their own aesthetic, their
Speaker 1: own style and sense of self. At times, I would say,
Speaker 1: even going to quite drastic lengths to be exceptional. You know,
Speaker 1: different in this day and age, in this generation is
Speaker 1: no longer a bad word. Our twenties are also, obviously,
Speaker 1: I think, a critical time period in which we are
Speaker 1: trying to establish a unique identity. This period, in particular,
Speaker 1: spanning from around eighteen to twenty nine, it's been labeled
Speaker 1: as emerging adulthood by psychologists, and it's characterized by exploration
Speaker 1: by self discovery and the integration of various life roles
Speaker 1: and values. So from a psychological perspective, this process involves
Speaker 1: navigating what Eric Erickson called identity versus role confusion, and
Speaker 1: also intimacy versus isolation. And in this stage of life,
Speaker 1: we strive to establish a very clear sense of who
Speaker 1: we are, what we stand for, but also how we
Speaker 1: can distinguish ourselves from others and begin to engage in
Speaker 1: commitments and responsibilities that are independent from our family unit,
Speaker 1: that are very much our own. And I think between
Speaker 1: our teen years and our twenties we also experience this
Speaker 1: very big shift from being in high school and wanting
Speaker 1: to fit in and wanting to conform and be exactly
Speaker 1: like our friends, to our twenties when there is a
Speaker 1: lot more celebration and acceptance of what makes us different.
Speaker 1: And sometimes in that process we have to try on
Speaker 1: different identities to see which one fits. That's part of
Speaker 1: the self exploration process. If you never go through that,
Speaker 1: you end up being quite dissatisfied because you don't have
Speaker 1: a true sense of self. And often those identities that
Speaker 1: we try on they are archetypes or even stereotypes of
Speaker 1: the types of individuals that we admire the types of
Speaker 1: people that we have seen around us that have been
Speaker 1: most socially influential. So, for example, this is such a throwback.
Speaker 1: But I remember in my late teens, I really fell
Speaker 1: in with quite a religious group, and that was my
Speaker 1: identity for a year or so, and then I tried
Speaker 1: out being a bit of a party animal. Then I
Speaker 1: was a creative, a painter or an artist. Then I
Speaker 1: was someone who was very academic, and I wanted to
Speaker 1: be a lecturer or a politician. Every shade of person
Speaker 1: I wanted to see if it fit. And I'm not
Speaker 1: ashamed of those chapters. This person I am now is
Speaker 1: also probably going to change one hundred times over before
Speaker 1: the end of my time. It's a very constantly changing thing.
Speaker 1: But I think what's important to understand is that uniqueness
Speaker 1: and with that authenticity, comes from a strong sense of
Speaker 1: self and a strong sense of identity, which we tend
Speaker 1: to believe is a lot more stable compared to what's
Speaker 1: trending or the people that we're around and the people
Speaker 1: that we're exposed to. And before we think about uniqueness,
Speaker 1: we obviously have to examine identity, and we need to
Speaker 1: think about identity as a series of buckets that we
Speaker 1: each fill with different items, and each of these items
Speaker 1: will exist on a spectrum. So these buckets, they include
Speaker 1: things like personal history and life experiences. This is the
Speaker 1: one that's most stable. It's the hardest to change, although
Speaker 1: I would say our interpretation of our life experiences may
Speaker 1: be altered. Then we have things such as our values
Speaker 1: and our beliefs such as creativity and honesty and generosity.
Speaker 1: Our social identity, so thinking about gender, ethnicity, nationality, what
Speaker 1: religion you follow, even our occupation. We have our interpersonal
Speaker 1: relationships as the fourth bucket, so that includes your family,
Speaker 1: your partner, your friends. Then personal goals and aspirations, traits
Speaker 1: and abilities, interests and hobbies, and finally accessories, which I
Speaker 1: kind of like to caol extras. They are the ways
Speaker 1: we present or express the other core components of our identity.
Speaker 1: Things that are quite external. So I would say things
Speaker 1: like physical appearance, how we dress, what kind of music
Speaker 1: we like, our favorite season, Just those small added bonuses
Speaker 1: of things that kind of sprinkle in with the big
Speaker 1: buckets to make us a fully formed, fully rounded out person.
Speaker 1: That's a lot of buckets, but no one is going
Speaker 1: to have these same composition as you. Maybe some of
Speaker 1: those surface level social identity things will be the same, gender, occupation,
Speaker 1: even things like goals and ambitions and accessories. But there
Speaker 1: are millions, if not trillions, of different combinations, and each
Speaker 1: of these elements creates our identity. That combination is what
Speaker 1: makes us unique and what makes us individual, and that
Speaker 1: is essentially the foundation of what we're talking about today. So,
Speaker 1: now that we kind of have our basics downpat we've
Speaker 1: explored a little bit about the history around this trend
Speaker 1: towards individuality and the value of being unique, how do
Speaker 1: we apply this understanding. I want to give you seven
Speaker 1: tips on how you can cultivate your uniqueness and establish
Speaker 1: your identity in a way that is natural and true
Speaker 1: to who you are. So the first three are about
Speaker 1: the current versions of you, and the final four are
Speaker 1: about how to expand that version of you into new terrain. Firstly,
Speaker 1: if you want to be completely unique, you need to
Speaker 1: understand the core elements of your identity, Otherwise you're really
Speaker 1: not going to get anywhere. I think that any version
Speaker 1: of you that is not rooted in something organic is
Speaker 1: essentially a facade that you won't be able to sustain
Speaker 1: and further to that it won't leave you feeling particularly fulfilled.
Speaker 1: It's very easy, I think, to see versions of people
Speaker 1: that we want to be on social media and essentially
Speaker 1: try and press copy and paste. But the thing is
Speaker 1: that person already exists. And let's go back to the
Speaker 1: definition of being unique, which is to be one, not
Speaker 1: to be two. We each have an inherent mental image
Speaker 1: of who we are, and sometimes we need to have
Speaker 1: a very nice, long look when we feel ourselves slipping
Speaker 1: into someone else's shoes. We really need to get back
Speaker 1: to that core kind of internal mirror. So there are
Speaker 1: a number of questions that we can actually use to
Speaker 1: recenter ourselves, and I think they reveal a lot about
Speaker 1: our true priorities and what actually makes us different. So
Speaker 1: four questions, and I want you to answer them truthfully.
Speaker 1: If someone was to describe you, what five words do
Speaker 1: you think they'd use, and what five words would you use?
Speaker 1: Would they be different? So that's one question. The second question,
Speaker 1: what part of me am I most afraid to reveal?
Speaker 1: And why? How am I like my parents? How am
Speaker 1: I different? What would I do if I knew I
Speaker 1: would not be judged? That last question always gets so
Speaker 1: many good responses because I think it frees us from
Speaker 1: a very big core insecurity, which is the opinions of others.
Speaker 1: I truly believe that that is the biggest factor that
Speaker 1: stifles our authenticity and our individuality, because when we constantly
Speaker 1: are seeking others approval, we are shifting our behavior and
Speaker 1: our expression to be something that is palatable for them.
Speaker 1: And I think connection and relationships are a valuable part
Speaker 1: of our wellbeing, but not when they really sever our
Speaker 1: connection with what makes us unique. So what are you
Speaker 1: doing for others? Why are you changing yourself for others?
Speaker 1: What part of your existence would no longer be relevant
Speaker 1: if you weren't seeking the opinions of those around you.
Speaker 1: I think it's really important to sit on that question
Speaker 1: for a little while and answer it truthfully. And it
Speaker 1: really leads into my second tip, which is to avoid
Speaker 1: anything or anyone that shames you for your individuality, and
Speaker 1: in some ways also my third tip, which is to
Speaker 1: hold yourself accountable when you are changing for others or
Speaker 1: adopting a persona Obviously, in life, there are always going
Speaker 1: to be people who are cruel, and there are going
Speaker 1: to be people who are rude, and that's just part
Speaker 1: of our existence as social creatures. But the easiest way
Speaker 1: to combat these individuals is to stand your ground. When
Speaker 1: we change for someone else, we are only doing ourselves
Speaker 1: a disservice. We kind of let them win. There's this
Speaker 1: theory known as symbolic interactionism, and it essentially it explains
Speaker 1: why we feel this response and want to change for others.
Speaker 1: It says that we develop our sense of identity and
Speaker 1: our sense of self through interactions. Our identities are formed
Speaker 1: and maintained through the social interactions we have with others.
Speaker 1: They're very much relational and the meaning that we attribute
Speaker 1: to symbols, language, and social roles. But these same interactions
Speaker 1: can impact how we express ourselves. Because of that theory,
Speaker 1: we have a tendency to change how we act and
Speaker 1: our interpretation of the world based on those around us.
Speaker 1: And we can create these personas, which are essentially a
Speaker 1: fictionalized character, and for each persona we adopt, we become
Speaker 1: further and further removed from our true self. At work,
Speaker 1: you're one person, and when you hang out with your family,
Speaker 1: you're another. And when you're around a group of people
Speaker 1: you want to impress, you create another persona, and that
Speaker 1: persona is different from the one you have with your
Speaker 1: best friend, and which version of you is the real one,
Speaker 1: because when you are living based on how you think
Speaker 1: others see you and their approval, that disconnect with what
Speaker 1: makes you unique is going to be even greater. Those
Speaker 1: are my first three tips. They're really around maintaining your
Speaker 1: current sense of self and aligning your current behaviors with
Speaker 1: that version of you. But I do think that there
Speaker 1: are other things that we can do to kind of
Speaker 1: expand our identity and to expand how we see ourselves
Speaker 1: and how the world sees us as well. So these
Speaker 1: next four tips are going to be around how we
Speaker 1: can always cultivate a better version of ourselves that is unique,
Speaker 1: that is individual, that is authentic. So my fourth tip
Speaker 1: for being completely unique is to challenge your socially ingrained
Speaker 1: beliefs and break out of your epistemic bubble. So this
Speaker 1: idea of an epistemic bubble, it's essentially the theory that
Speaker 1: we have all been implicitly taught a certain way of
Speaker 1: thinking and a certain set of beliefs about the world,
Speaker 1: and that can be incredibly narrow and sometimes causes us
Speaker 1: to exclude differing opinions. You become an echo chamber of
Speaker 1: those around you, particularly those who have a significant social influence,
Speaker 1: such as your parents and your partners, and your friends
Speaker 1: and people that you admire, And your opinions are not
Speaker 1: your own, they are from those around you. I think
Speaker 1: there is nothing less unique. And then someone who just
Speaker 1: parrots back what they've been taught. Obviously, I think it's
Speaker 1: really hard to break away from that thinking when we
Speaker 1: think about social pressure and social conformity. But if you
Speaker 1: are listening to this and you are seriously considering what
Speaker 1: actually makes me individual, I would say a great way
Speaker 1: to figure that out is to embrace unconventional thinking, to
Speaker 1: question your thoughts on things like religion, on beauty, on
Speaker 1: the meaning of life, on what comes afterwards, what do
Speaker 1: you think about happiness, what's your perspective on success? On popularity,
Speaker 1: on politics. Uniqueness comes from creating a tapestry of experiences
Speaker 1: and beliefs and thoughts that are different. And our twenties
Speaker 1: are the best time to really actually question these things,
Speaker 1: because the older we get, we all know, the harder
Speaker 1: it is to accept new ways of thinking, and we
Speaker 1: can become i would say, quite stagnant, and our perspectives
Speaker 1: because of factors like neuroplasticity and even our environmental exposure
Speaker 1: to new ideas, it all becomes a lot more limited.
Speaker 1: So to be unique, expose yourself to new ideas. I
Speaker 1: want you to listen to new podcasts like this one,
Speaker 1: and read new books and articles, and follow different people
Speaker 1: on social media who create content that is different from
Speaker 1: what we are normally exposed to. It's really interesting. I
Speaker 1: follow so many like spirituality accounts, even though I would
Speaker 1: say I'm quite a scientific person, because I think it's
Speaker 1: firstly super interesting, but it also allows my own beliefs
Speaker 1: to be more nuanced and adaptive, and it allows me
Speaker 1: to be able to contribute to different conversations. On the
Speaker 1: point of social media, yeah, I would also say unfollow
Speaker 1: anyone who makes you feel like you need to conform
Speaker 1: or follow trends, particularly as they relate to self expression.
Speaker 1: I would say that trends are not inherently bad or negative,
Speaker 1: but they do create what we would call a herd
Speaker 1: mentality and a sense of tribalism or homogeneous way of living.
Speaker 1: It's I think, a really beautiful thing to take inspiration
Speaker 1: from others, but I like to think about it in
Speaker 1: terms of fashion as the easiest kind of explanation. An example,
Speaker 1: there is always going to be a trending bag, or
Speaker 1: a trending dress, or a trending pair of shoes that
Speaker 1: we feel like we need to own. There is always
Speaker 1: an ego that people are trying to emulate, and this
Speaker 1: can be attributed to the idea of social conformity, but
Speaker 1: also the existence of in groups and of course the
Speaker 1: power of consumerism. We want to be part of the
Speaker 1: in group and we want to be socially accepted because
Speaker 1: our membership to these groups makes us feel better. So,
Speaker 1: for example, buying a two thousand dollars bag or some
Speaker 1: infamous czar address is a way. It's almost like a
Speaker 1: token that allows us to be part of what is
Speaker 1: seen as admirable or attractive or stylish, and so we
Speaker 1: use those items as a way to signify to others
Speaker 1: I belong. But that doesn't allow for social expression or
Speaker 1: self expression. Because a crucial element of any in group
Speaker 1: is conformity to the group norm. It can be very
Speaker 1: easy to observe someone else and decide to be just
Speaker 1: like them because it provides us with a mental shortcut
Speaker 1: for social acceptance. If we already know that this person
Speaker 1: is liked by others as popular and seen as fashionable
Speaker 1: and deserve of praise. By copying aspects of their image,
Speaker 1: we are looking to gain the same level of social approval.
Speaker 1: But I do really believe that trends they create social hierarchies,
Speaker 1: and they are based a lot on materialistic possessions rather
Speaker 1: than what actually makes us authentic and individual. And I
Speaker 1: think they also blatantly go against that very definition of uniqueness,
Speaker 1: which is to be one, to be one of a kind.
Speaker 1: So I would say, really try and detach from that
Speaker 1: kind of fast media and capitalist and consumerius markets of
Speaker 1: trend making that is inherently going to ask you to
Speaker 1: be a person that you're not. Also, when you make
Speaker 1: decisions about what you're wearing and those kind of accessories
Speaker 1: we talked about of your identity, ask yourself, Am I
Speaker 1: wearing this because this makes me feel comfortable? Am I
Speaker 1: dressing this way because I actually like this style? Is
Speaker 1: this actually what I would wear? Or is it what
Speaker 1: I think others want to see me in? Is it
Speaker 1: because I want someone to see me walking down the
Speaker 1: street and think that I am fashionable or trendy? And
Speaker 1: I think that's a really easy way to kind of
Speaker 1: blossom in and kind of move into a space in
Speaker 1: which you're making decisions for your inner self and for
Speaker 1: the authentic person at your core. I have two more
Speaker 1: tips for you, perhaps my favorite, that we are going
Speaker 1: to explore after this short break. Stick around Alrightye, so
Speaker 1: we have two more tips that I want to share.
Speaker 1: Tip six is quite possibly my favorite, and it's not
Speaker 1: one that I think we would typically think about, and
Speaker 1: that is to spend time in nature. I cannot stress
Speaker 1: this highly enough. It might seem like a strange addition,
Speaker 1: but I read this paper. It's called The Significance of
Speaker 1: Being Unique, and the author talks about how living close
Speaker 1: to nature is essential for cultivating identity and to also
Speaker 1: exercise our intelligence and to be individual. And I not
Speaker 1: only find that very true from personal experience, but I
Speaker 1: think that is a really beautiful summary and explanation as
Speaker 1: to how nature really cultivates our identity for us. There
Speaker 1: was this incredible study. It was conducted in twenty seventeen,
Speaker 1: and it essentially showed what I think that we have
Speaker 1: known for a long time, which is that exposure to
Speaker 1: nature restores a lot of our cognitive capacities and it
Speaker 1: is a very important aspect of mainaining our identity and
Speaker 1: sense of self. So we're going to do a whole
Speaker 1: episode on the healing power of nature because ecopsychology is
Speaker 1: possibly my new favorite thing. But when we spend time
Speaker 1: in outdoor environments, what it does is it essentially provides
Speaker 1: us with different stimuli and experiences that help to rewire
Speaker 1: our brain. It provides time for contemplation, and it exposes
Speaker 1: us to things that bring us interesting stories and learning
Speaker 1: experiences and aspects and beautiful things that we bring back
Speaker 1: to ourselves and that allow us to express ourselves differently
Speaker 1: and be unique. It's definitely not spoken about enough, but
Speaker 1: just I think, watch the change that even ninety minutes
Speaker 1: of outdoors time a week will have on your mindset,
Speaker 1: on the originality of your thoughts, on your self confidence,
Speaker 1: and creativity. I think additionally, it's very easy to spa
Speaker 1: and time inside and to do the most convenient thing,
Speaker 1: But every new thing that you do, every new challenge,
Speaker 1: every unique experience, it really creates a version of you
Speaker 1: that is more true and more authentic. Also, it's just
Speaker 1: that aspect of doing things that are different, right, most
Speaker 1: people don't prioritize spending time in nature and I guess
Speaker 1: part of being unique is finding the right identity that
Speaker 1: suits you based on your interest and based on kind
Speaker 1: of your inner calling. So being prepared to try new
Speaker 1: things such as go outdoors, such as you know, just
Speaker 1: see the world around you is a great way to
Speaker 1: kind of distinguish yourself as well. My final tip for
Speaker 1: being completely unique is to engage in something creative creativity
Speaker 1: in whatever form you choose. Whether that's doodling or making
Speaker 1: up songs, or writing or knitting, or painting or ceramics,
Speaker 1: it really doesn't matter. These activities reveal hidden parts of ourselves.
Speaker 1: When we engage in a creative activity, we enter what
Speaker 1: psychologists call a flow state, which is essentially a place
Speaker 1: of deep fulfillment and peace where a lot of our
Speaker 1: internal inhibitions are relaxed and we are going to give
Speaker 1: our selves permission to access the parts of ourselves that
Speaker 1: we have been told to suppress. You don't even need
Speaker 1: to be good at it. You can be terrible at
Speaker 1: whatever you're doing. But what this theory and this understanding
Speaker 1: is going to tell you is that just engaging in
Speaker 1: something that is new and fresh and novel and activates
Speaker 1: different parts of your brain is going to allow you
Speaker 1: to view information in novel ways and to be playful,
Speaker 1: and to engage in self discovery and reveal new facets
Speaker 1: of your identity, not just to other people, but to yourself.
Speaker 1: I think people who have hobbies as well, and who
Speaker 1: do something other than work, I can look at their phones,
Speaker 1: they are just generally more interesting. It is the easiest
Speaker 1: thing in the world to do what is convenient, to
Speaker 1: get that lingering in an addictive dopamine hit from social
Speaker 1: media and technology, to doom scroll for hours and hours,
Speaker 1: and you know, part of it is because these activities
Speaker 1: are deliberately made to be addictive. But I think that's
Speaker 1: not going to make you an especially unique or fun
Speaker 1: person because most people are doing the same. Most people
Speaker 1: are really living for their phones and living for technology
Speaker 1: rather than living for the things that I think really
Speaker 1: bring a lot of flavor and color to our lives.
Speaker 1: I want you to find even just that one thing
Speaker 1: that you do in your free time that gets you
Speaker 1: out of your mind and into your imagination and allows
Speaker 1: you to build these new elements of your identity that
Speaker 1: are unlike anyone else's, but also to find time to
Speaker 1: actually reflect and sit with what's actually going on in
Speaker 1: your life. I think self awareness and being unique come
Speaker 1: very much hand in hand. So those are my major tips.
Speaker 1: But I think regardless of what you think of those,
Speaker 1: maybe you're still struggling with what makes you a unique person.
Speaker 1: So I just want to quickly take a second, and
Speaker 1: I guess it just provides you with some reminders around
Speaker 1: why we really are different and special and purposeful. Here
Speaker 1: are just some basic things that I found that no
Speaker 1: one else in the world has. That you do your fingerprints,
Speaker 1: first of all self explanatory, but not even identical twins
Speaker 1: have the same fingerprints. Isn't that so beautiful that each
Speaker 1: of us has such a unique cell composition that our
Speaker 1: body and the patterns on our skin are never going
Speaker 1: to be recreated. There's one thing also, Your ears super random.
Speaker 1: But since like the nineteen fifties, forensic scientists and psychologists
Speaker 1: they have been using the measurements of someone's ears to
Speaker 1: match the prints left behind at crime scenes with almost
Speaker 1: one hundred percent accuracy. So that is another way that
Speaker 1: you are not like anyone else. Your body odor as well,
Speaker 1: each of us has like a different scent, which I
Speaker 1: think is amazing. It's also why sometimes you're really attracted
Speaker 1: to the smell of someone else, and they're pheromones. Everyone's
Speaker 1: smell is made up of a combination of like forty
Speaker 1: four different compounds. So there you go. There's one way
Speaker 1: that you're special. You have your own unique perfume, almost
Speaker 1: your unique scars and your moles, even the freckles on
Speaker 1: your body and the pores on your nose. They are
Speaker 1: like constellations. They're nothing else. There is nothing else in
Speaker 1: the universe. I like it, and you'll laugh. I think
Speaker 1: that is one of the things that we love the
Speaker 1: most about others, is how they laugh, how they express joy.
Speaker 1: And it's interesting to know that that is unique to
Speaker 1: each of us. It's like our own signature sound, and
Speaker 1: of course our thoughts. No matter how much you and
Speaker 1: another person agree, no matter how much you are similar,
Speaker 1: your individual thoughts will never be replicated. You are like
Speaker 1: a walking miracle. There is nothing that will ever exist
Speaker 1: quite like you, or has ever existed quite like you.
Speaker 1: And I think that is a really beautiful reminder when
Speaker 1: we're struggling with where we actually sit in the world.
Speaker 1: I think naturally we hate being seen as basic or
Speaker 1: as run of the mill. I absolutely hate the use
Speaker 1: of the term basic. I think it's always just used
Speaker 1: to kind of negate shared interests or general similarities that
Speaker 1: you share with others. I also think it's just another
Speaker 1: word used to put down people, especially women, for the
Speaker 1: aspects of their identity that they value, to imply that
Speaker 1: they don't contain multitudes, that they are not individual, and
Speaker 1: that they are not someone with unique thoughts and feelings
Speaker 1: and worries and in a unique identity. I really hate
Speaker 1: that term. I think it's often referred to when we
Speaker 1: are like fans of certain like pop culture icons or
Speaker 1: certain like fashion brands or TV shows or music. There's
Speaker 1: a reason that those things are popular. It's because they
Speaker 1: are good, and you do not need to try and
Speaker 1: distinguish yourself by pretending to hate those things. I think
Speaker 1: people who refer to like certain bands or certain anything
Speaker 1: really as basic or really just projecting an insecurity that
Speaker 1: they themselves are not fierce and strong enough in their
Speaker 1: own identity to feel like they don't need to tear
Speaker 1: others down. So there you go. I think that a
Speaker 1: reason it can be so powerful and the reason we
Speaker 1: use that term is it because it really does tap
Speaker 1: into this very human insecurity we want to think that
Speaker 1: we are different, because otherwise our existence is somewhat irrelevant.
Speaker 1: If someone could take our place in our relationships, if
Speaker 1: someone could do our job, if someone could have the
Speaker 1: thoughts that we're having create what we're creating, well, that's
Speaker 1: quite depressing because it essentially makes our influence and place
Speaker 1: in the world quite inconsequential. It's one of the big
Speaker 1: pillars of existential dread or even an existential crisis. In psychology,
Speaker 1: this refers to that feeling that life is inherently pointless
Speaker 1: and that we have no reason for being here. Nothing
Speaker 1: we do has meaning, Nothing about our lives is special.
Speaker 1: I think that's a really hard thought to counteract. But
Speaker 1: by applying those strategies, we can feel more at peace
Speaker 1: with what we have to offer. That we are individual,
Speaker 1: that we know ourselves, and when we tap into our creativity,
Speaker 1: when we question our surroundings and our beliefs, When we
Speaker 1: truly examine what we want and who we are, and
Speaker 1: we allow ourselves to express who we are authentically beyond trends,
Speaker 1: we really bring a sense of meaning to our lives.
Speaker 1: You do not feel like just another person walking down
Speaker 1: the street. You do not feel like a bit of
Speaker 1: a drone. You are yourself, you know, I always think
Speaker 1: like I am Gemma, and isn't that beautiful? Like there
Speaker 1: is no one else like me. Everyone walking down the
Speaker 1: street is like this incredible tapestry of every experience and
Speaker 1: everything that's happened, and their lives and their thoughts and
Speaker 1: their narrative will never be recreated. Remember, being completely unique,
Speaker 1: it's not about trying to be something that you're not.
Speaker 1: It's about embracing who you are, your authentic self, and
Speaker 1: expressing it in a way that sets you apart. And
Speaker 1: that journey towards being unique is a lifelong process, and
Speaker 1: I don't think it's one that we can do lightly.
Speaker 1: It's one that requires constant self reflection and growth and adaptation.
Speaker 1: But by really taking the time to distinguish ourselves from others,
Speaker 1: to live our lives as if we are the only
Speaker 1: version of ourselves of which we are, we kind of
Speaker 1: find a new meaning in a new purpose and we
Speaker 1: feel like who we are on this planet actually matters.
Speaker 1: So I hope that you have enjoyed this. I hope
Speaker 1: that you feel completely unique. I hope that you are
Speaker 1: able to apply these strategies and these tips to feel
Speaker 1: more confident. I think that's like the general outcome that
Speaker 1: I want from today's episode. It's really been something that
Speaker 1: I've been trying to apply to my own life, but
Speaker 1: also trying to counteract this like weird fear of being
Speaker 1: deemed or seen as basic or like everyone else. It's
Speaker 1: such I think, a conundrum with social media in which
Speaker 1: we're able to really see a thousand different reflections of
Speaker 1: ourselves and the people who look like us. But also
Speaker 1: this like striving for individuality and to have a brand
Speaker 1: and to have a style and to be unlike anyone else,
Speaker 1: and fame and success or are just all these themes
Speaker 1: that are really hard to escape. But in our twenties,
Speaker 1: we do have this opportunity to be able to figure
Speaker 1: out who we are. So I would say, don't take
Speaker 1: the task too lightly. It's an important thing to do.
Speaker 1: And if you did enjoy this episode, please, if you
Speaker 1: feel cool to do so, leave a five star review
Speaker 1: wherever you are listening right now. I see all the
Speaker 1: love I read them more. It is really like it's
Speaker 1: such a joyful experience, So thank you for those who
Speaker 1: have left a review. I see it and I very
Speaker 1: much appreciate it. Also, if you have an episode suggestion,
Speaker 1: or you want to be part of the community and
Speaker 1: see what we're up to. Please follow along at that
Speaker 1: Psychology podcast on Instagram. There's so much over there. You
Speaker 1: can also see some filmed slash video versions of the podcast.
Speaker 1: If it would be great to have you be part
Speaker 1: of the community. And finally, if there was someone in
Speaker 1: your life who needs to hear this episode who has
Speaker 1: been struggling with their sense of uniqueness with any of
Speaker 1: the things we spoke about today, please feel free to
Speaker 1: share it along, share the love. It would be great
Speaker 1: to have them listening along. We will be back next
Speaker 1: week as always with another episode.