Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big
Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, wherever
Speaker 1: you are in the world. Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1: Before we get into it, I have a really special,
Speaker 1: amazing announcement something that has been in the works for
Speaker 1: some time. We have officially launched a Patreon for the
Speaker 1: Psychology of Your Twenties. If you want some bonus content,
Speaker 1: if you want to see behind the scenes, if you
Speaker 1: want the episode transcripts, access to the studies that I
Speaker 1: use for these episodes, video content, and so much more,
Speaker 1: it would be amazing if you would join our Patreon
Speaker 1: and follow along for the ride. A lot of work
Speaker 1: and a lot of energy goes into this podcast. It
Speaker 1: is just me on this microphone writing the scripts, putting
Speaker 1: out the episodes every week, and yeah, I think there's
Speaker 1: a lot of work that goes into it that's quite unseen.
Speaker 1: So I kind of wanted to let you guys peek
Speaker 1: behind the scenes and also offer you guys a chance
Speaker 1: to get more personal episodes, to be able to ask questions,
Speaker 1: vote on what episodes you want to hear next, and
Speaker 1: just build the community. Just build the community of loyal listeners,
Speaker 1: the people who message me and come back a week
Speaker 1: after week to listen. So there will be a link
Speaker 1: in the description of this episode. It's as cheap as
Speaker 1: like a dollar a month, but that really does go
Speaker 1: a long way when a lot of people join in,
Speaker 1: and it helps support me and it helps me keep
Speaker 1: making quality content. So I would really appreciate if you
Speaker 1: at least checked it out. And as always, I am
Speaker 1: so grateful for the support that you guys show me
Speaker 1: week in, week out. So I'm just excited for this
Speaker 1: next chapter. But back to what we are here for today,
Speaker 1: what we're talking about on today's episode, we're going to
Speaker 1: discuss how to get ourselves out of a rut, that
Speaker 1: kind of terrible pit we all find ourselves in from
Speaker 1: time to time at various points in our lives. We're
Speaker 1: officially just over halfway through the year, and maybe, like me,
Speaker 1: your New Year's resolutions have kind of faded into the
Speaker 1: background and you're just going through the motions of living
Speaker 1: watching the same TV shows thinking the same thoughts, seeing
Speaker 1: the same two people, and feeling maybe a bit uninspired.
Speaker 1: Time is kind of passing around us, and we may
Speaker 1: not particularly feel like we're taking in of it. I've
Speaker 1: been there. In fact, I think that I am there
Speaker 1: right now, and that's quite unusual for me. These past
Speaker 1: few weeks, I've been sleeping in, I've been struggling to
Speaker 1: really articulate my thoughts. The world has just felt really
Speaker 1: really bland and tired and cold. And I have this
Speaker 1: massive cry to my mom about this the other day,
Speaker 1: and I just felt so guilty that despite all the
Speaker 1: freedom that my job permits and the fact that I
Speaker 1: genuinely get to do what I love every day, I
Speaker 1: couldn't kind of shake the feeling of feeling really stagnant.
Speaker 1: And that feeling is so uncomfortable for me. Normally, I'm
Speaker 1: not someone who can sit still or likes to be
Speaker 1: inactive or passive in my life. And ironically, I think
Speaker 1: thinking about that pattern that I've gotten into really pushed
Speaker 1: me to write this episode and actually kind of pulled
Speaker 1: me back into myself a little bit. A rut is
Speaker 1: by no means a scientific tour, but it's a pretty
Speaker 1: common phrase to describe, I think a universal experience. It's
Speaker 1: essentially a period of life where we feel frozen in
Speaker 1: the motions of everyday living. Everything feels exactly the same,
Speaker 1: life feels rather bland. Maybe you're struggling to feel creative
Speaker 1: or to feel fulfilled. For me, a big sign that
Speaker 1: I'm in a rut is when I can't really think
Speaker 1: of anything interesting in my life, either about the world
Speaker 1: around me or even myself. You can be in a
Speaker 1: general rut, which is kind of like an overarching sense
Speaker 1: that all areas of your life feel kind of bland,
Speaker 1: but also specifically with a romantic partner, academically, with your career,
Speaker 1: or even around your hobbies or creative pursuits. In psychology,
Speaker 1: we tend to have a different name for it. It's
Speaker 1: called dysthemia, which is essentially a milder form of depression,
Speaker 1: also known as person assistant depressive disorder. There's Symptoms of
Speaker 1: this disorder typically come and go for a number of years,
Speaker 1: and they're a lot less severe than a major depressive disorder,
Speaker 1: but they share a lot of commonalities to our colloquial
Speaker 1: understanding of what a rut is emptiness, loss of interest, tiredness,
Speaker 1: like the color has somewhat been like drained out of
Speaker 1: the world. It's a really hard place to be in.
Speaker 1: But the good news is that if you're feeling a
Speaker 1: bit stuck at the moment, we are going to break
Speaker 1: down exactly why that may be, and more importantly, how
Speaker 1: to break the cycle. None of us like feeling disappointed
Speaker 1: in our lives or unhappy, and I think when we
Speaker 1: get into this state, our sense of starkness becomes very
Speaker 1: cyclical and difficult to break out of. So we're going
Speaker 1: to dive into six tips backed by some of my
Speaker 1: favorite psychology and theories, as to how we can get
Speaker 1: back to our wonderful, lively, happy selves and kind of
Speaker 1: take action on where we want to go. We're also
Speaker 1: going to discuss some of the research behind our shift
Speaker 1: to full time work can really trigger a rut, some
Speaker 1: of the origins and causes, and of course, as always,
Speaker 1: the significance for our twenties. I feel like this episode
Speaker 1: is very important. It taught me a lot. I'm definitely
Speaker 1: in this stage, as I'm sure many of us are, so.
Speaker 1: Without further ado, let's get into all the science and
Speaker 1: the psychology about how you can get out of a rut. Okay,
Speaker 1: so we already broke down some of the science that
Speaker 1: you may be in a rut, but I want to
Speaker 1: discuss more of what this term actually means for our
Speaker 1: psychology and our overall mental health and emotional wellbeing. From
Speaker 1: a clinical perspective, a rout is essentially a mental downward
Speaker 1: spiral caused by either an environmental or an internal shift
Speaker 1: or event where we encounter these increasingly negative thoughts about ourselves,
Speaker 1: about our potential, our future, and that leads to an
Speaker 1: avoidance of the behaviors and actions that we know will
Speaker 1: actually make us feel better. It's not so much self sabotage,
Speaker 1: but almost this unconscious blindness to the way forward or
Speaker 1: a sense of very deep apathy around our lives. Part
Speaker 1: of us acknowledges that we aren't particularly happy, that's why
Speaker 1: you're listening to this episode, but the other part of
Speaker 1: our minds is kind of still a bit lost in
Speaker 1: this mental maze around what to actually do. Here's what
Speaker 1: that mat look like in our lives. So, for example,
Speaker 1: maybe not being able to remember the last time you
Speaker 1: were truly excited about something, Feeling like the days or
Speaker 1: the months kind of blur together. Getting to the end
Speaker 1: of the day or the end of the week, and
Speaker 1: having no energy to socialize or to do something fun,
Speaker 1: just wanting to stay in bed, feeling an urge to
Speaker 1: break away from your life, maybe fantasizing about moving cities,
Speaker 1: about dropping everything and creating an entirely new identity and life.
Speaker 1: I think deeper than that is this urge to drastically
Speaker 1: change something in your life. This is so strange and random,
Speaker 1: but last week, when I was really in this phase,
Speaker 1: I was convinced that I should shave all my hair off.
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I'm going to do it. And
Speaker 1: that makes a lot of psychological sense, because when we
Speaker 1: feel stuff or we don't feel in control, we want
Speaker 1: to counteract that by doing something that proves that we are,
Speaker 1: that we do have agency, and that kind of shocks
Speaker 1: the system in a way. And one of the final signs,
Speaker 1: real life signs, is putting off things like your chores
Speaker 1: or even basic hygiene, feeling an intense fatigue or disinterest
Speaker 1: in the things that used to make you happy. And
Speaker 1: we can really see the parallels with persistent depressive disorder
Speaker 1: in some of these symptoms. It's a super unpleasant experience
Speaker 1: and often by the time that we actually recognize what's happening,
Speaker 1: or we can give a word to our experience. It's
Speaker 1: usually been simmering or going on for a few weeks
Speaker 1: or even a few months, So I kind of want
Speaker 1: to examine the origins and the causes of a rut
Speaker 1: in this next little section. I also think the main
Speaker 1: thing to really talk about here that perhaps I haven't
Speaker 1: spoken about is how common it is in our twenties,
Speaker 1: perhaps more than we maybe recognize for a number of reasons.
Speaker 1: The biggest one is this shift into adulthood and the
Speaker 1: number of whole new challenges and responsibilities and commitments that
Speaker 1: are brought on by this stage. The biggest one I've
Speaker 1: seen in my own life and the lives of those
Speaker 1: around me is work. The transition from the freedom of
Speaker 1: our teenage years or even university, when everything was really
Speaker 1: flexible and free, to full time work and structured routine
Speaker 1: is a huge adjustment that we don't speak about enough.
Speaker 1: There was this really fascinating study conducted, I think in
Speaker 1: twenty nineteen in Norway, of all places, and it found
Speaker 1: that in the three years between university and the start
Speaker 1: of our professional lives, young adults like us in early
Speaker 1: twenties experienced this increased level of psychological distress and with
Speaker 1: that poor coping skills and a greater sense of apathy
Speaker 1: towards their lives. This came down to a few factors,
Speaker 1: including long working hours resulting in reduced free time, low
Speaker 1: job control, but also an effort reward in balance, whereby
Speaker 1: we're working these long hours for these very global, depersonalized
Speaker 1: goals rather than working towards bettering ourselves through education and
Speaker 1: leisure and hobbies. It's also the existential dread of realizing
Speaker 1: that this way of living, this monotonous pattern of waking
Speaker 1: up for work, working inside an office for eight hours,
Speaker 1: and going home exhausted, only to have to do it
Speaker 1: all over again, that may in fact be our future.
Speaker 1: So we, you know, subsequently have this desire to escape,
Speaker 1: but also a bit of an emotional and cognitive shutdown
Speaker 1: that we associate with being in a rut. It also
Speaker 1: explains why I think typical rat behavior often involves watching
Speaker 1: a lot of TV endless TikTok scrolling, not because we
Speaker 1: don't have the energy to do other things, but also
Speaker 1: because of what psychologists call the anxiety distraction feedback loop.
Speaker 1: When we feel uncomfortable feelings like anxiety, but also a
Speaker 1: sense of hopelessness. We use things like TV or something
Speaker 1: that gives us an easy dopamine hit to protect us
Speaker 1: from these feelings. That distraction may be temporarily very soothing,
Speaker 1: but it often exacerbates our sense of stuckness and our
Speaker 1: lack of motivation. So if you've recently started full time
Speaker 1: work or maybe a new job, that may be an
Speaker 1: explanation and also shows that you are not alone in
Speaker 1: this experience. There are other pretty important causes or triggers
Speaker 1: as well. Firstly, experiencing a setback or a failure. Following
Speaker 1: this negative experience, our brains often respond by isolating or
Speaker 1: pulling back. Maybe a better word for it is hibernating,
Speaker 1: and we do this as a way to protect our
Speaker 1: self esteem from further damage or rejection. What this results
Speaker 1: in is less new experiences, less enjoyable behaviors, or less
Speaker 1: risk taking as well, and that subsequently actually worsens rather
Speaker 1: than improves our mental state. Our brains need new experiences
Speaker 1: and stimuli to keep it active. So there is this
Speaker 1: amazing psychologist who you may have heard about before. Her
Speaker 1: name is doctor Lori Santos. She teaches the course The
Speaker 1: Psychology of a Good Life at Yale, and she found
Speaker 1: that there is a connection between novelty, newness, and motivation.
Speaker 1: Novelty and newness in our world in our experiences are
Speaker 1: incredibly rewarding. But when our ego is injured, when we
Speaker 1: have experienced a setback, not only do we see a
Speaker 1: downturn in our overall mood and self confidence, but also
Speaker 1: in our receptiveness to new experiences, to seeing friends, to
Speaker 1: going out, to finding vibrancy in life, and the result
Speaker 1: of that is getting stuck in this rat like state.
Speaker 1: We're going to kind of talk about that neurological relationship
Speaker 1: a bit more later on, because the same reasons we
Speaker 1: find ourselves in this cycle can kind of also be
Speaker 1: leveraged to get us out of it. There's another important
Speaker 1: role that our neurons play in this as well, routine.
Speaker 1: So routines are often really lauded as this like amazing concept,
Speaker 1: an amazing way to structure our lives, and I think
Speaker 1: they can be really comforting and safe, but when they
Speaker 1: become too stiff and too inflexible, they can become quite
Speaker 1: boring and stifling. Because our brains repeatedly use the exact
Speaker 1: same neural pathways and they're not being challenged. So this
Speaker 1: creates what we call a mental pattern, and that means
Speaker 1: that we no longer really have to focus on our
Speaker 1: lives because we're using the same neural pathways day in
Speaker 1: and day out. You know, have you ever had those
Speaker 1: moments where you're driving home from work and then suddenly
Speaker 1: you're like at your front door and you have absolutely
Speaker 1: no recollection of your drive home. It's like someone else
Speaker 1: kind of took over the wheel. That experience is due
Speaker 1: to this mental pattern, and when we fail to challenge
Speaker 1: that pattern, we become more and more stuck, and our
Speaker 1: brains are less likely to seek new experiences, Hence this
Speaker 1: rut like feeling. Hence this sense of feeling very numb
Speaker 1: to the world because you're not actually giving your brain
Speaker 1: anything new to be excited about. Psychologically, chronic stress is
Speaker 1: also a massive contributor. I think we need to be
Speaker 1: especially gentle with ourselves at the moment. The last four
Speaker 1: years have been a bit of a dumpster fire, and
Speaker 1: for those of us in our twenties, that like dumpster
Speaker 1: fire was some of the first years of our adult lives.
Speaker 1: You know, a global pandemic, a forthcoming recession, war, and
Speaker 1: political and social chaos, and combined with that, we've each
Speaker 1: gone through the motions of our own lives. We have
Speaker 1: faced setbacks, we have faced major life transitions, and these
Speaker 1: global and individual events have what we call a humulative effect,
Speaker 1: and we can eventually face all of the psychological consequences
Speaker 1: of those events at once. Our brain and body will
Speaker 1: literally shut us down to protect us. And although it's
Speaker 1: trying to help, it's trying to do it's right, we
Speaker 1: get this feeling of stagnation. It can even increase, you know,
Speaker 1: our likelihood of developing depression, which we know has a
Speaker 1: lot of links with this kind of rut like state,
Speaker 1: with being in a rut. I think the worst thing
Speaker 1: that we can do in these moments is nothing, and
Speaker 1: yet that's all we really want to do. That's the
Speaker 1: catch twenty two of this situation. But if we have been,
Speaker 1: you know, kind of self soothing with low effort activities,
Speaker 1: if we've been allowing failure to isolate us and leave
Speaker 1: us uninspired, if we got stuck in the momentum of
Speaker 1: doing nothing, we're actually just going to exacerbate all of
Speaker 1: the negativity associated with this state. So what I really
Speaker 1: want to discuss is the tangible actions that we can
Speaker 1: take to break the cycle. If you were to look
Speaker 1: this up online, I think a lot of articles will
Speaker 1: tell you to meditate, they would tell you to engage
Speaker 1: in self care. But I want to offer something a
Speaker 1: bit more specific and psychological, but also some things that
Speaker 1: have really worked in my own experience. I think by
Speaker 1: listening to this episode, you're kind of already one step closer,
Speaker 1: So I really want to give you some further kind
Speaker 1: of strategies and advice and some of the research around
Speaker 1: what we can do to break out of this state.
Speaker 1: So all of that and more in just a second.
Speaker 1: To break out of this cycle, you're going to need
Speaker 1: to take action. The truth is, I think as we mature,
Speaker 1: we realize that you're kind of the only one who
Speaker 1: can really help yourself. That's not to say reject the
Speaker 1: health of family and friends, but recognize that at the
Speaker 1: center of any change you want to make in your
Speaker 1: life is you. So we're going to talk through six
Speaker 1: steps that you can personally instigate to break out of
Speaker 1: your rut. Whether that takes a few days or a
Speaker 1: few weeks, it's definitely not forever. And I think enlisting
Speaker 1: a good number of strategies and having a sense of
Speaker 1: the path forward is super helpful. So my first tip
Speaker 1: is to break up the every day with the new.
Speaker 1: We discuss this before, but neurologically, when we fall into
Speaker 1: a routine, this can both enable our life and create structure.
Speaker 1: But if those habits are too constraining, it can really
Speaker 1: be quite suffocating, and it can suffocate our space for impulsivity,
Speaker 1: which at its core is the need for new experiences.
Speaker 1: Countless study to have shown this, including one in which
Speaker 1: they found that when people displayed greater exploration or what
Speaker 1: they called roaming behavior, when they allowed themselves time to
Speaker 1: be spontaneous to visit new places, they felt happier, They
Speaker 1: felt more motivated. The experience of novelty or going to
Speaker 1: places you haven't been before, actually seemed to have quite
Speaker 1: a large association in this study with someone's overall sense
Speaker 1: of satisfaction. And it's not just our happiness, it's not
Speaker 1: just our life satisfaction, but also our resilience and even
Speaker 1: our perception of time. One of those big indicators of
Speaker 1: being in a rut is that time just seems to
Speaker 1: pass by quite quickly and you have no real memory
Speaker 1: of what you did during those hours or those days.
Speaker 1: So this neuroscientist, his name is I think doctor David
Speaker 1: to David Egleman, and he's focused much of his research
Speaker 1: on time perception, and he found that novel experiences they
Speaker 1: make time pass more slowly, so in effect, this actually
Speaker 1: makes your life feel longer. I think that's something that
Speaker 1: we all kind of want. We all want more time.
Speaker 1: So what I want you to do is to make
Speaker 1: space in your life two nights a week to do
Speaker 1: something impulsive and spontaneous. And also, I think a caveat
Speaker 1: here is not something in front of a screen, and
Speaker 1: preferably not something involving alcohol, because we know that alcohol
Speaker 1: not only dims our emotions, but also impacts how we
Speaker 1: consolidate memories. So preferably do something childish, Do something silly
Speaker 1: and fun and new. Me and my house may actually
Speaker 1: have this list called the antidepression fun List, and we
Speaker 1: add like all of these random activities to it and
Speaker 1: pick something from the to do like once a week
Speaker 1: or once a fortnight. Here, I'm gonna look at the list.
Speaker 1: Here are some of the ideas that we had. So
Speaker 1: mini golf we actually did that the other day. It
Speaker 1: sounds kind of stupid, but it's actually so much fun.
Speaker 1: You can go ice skating, go and do a pottery class,
Speaker 1: a pilates class, go speed dating, go to a destruction room.
Speaker 1: Basically anything that you would do at like a twelve
Speaker 1: year old's birthday party, except for the speed dating that
Speaker 1: would be weird. You should try and do on like
Speaker 1: a random Wednesday night. Not only does it kind of
Speaker 1: I think, encourage you to play, which is just a
Speaker 1: fantastic thing to practice in itself, but these events are
Speaker 1: like a circuit breaker for your daily routine, and it
Speaker 1: also activates parts of your brain that may have been
Speaker 1: kind of numbed by daily repetitive activities. This links really
Speaker 1: nicely to my next tip, which is to utilize the
Speaker 1: healing power of nature. We have been talking about this
Speaker 1: a lot on the podcast recently, but I stand by
Speaker 1: it so so firmly that being outdoors, even just getting
Speaker 1: thirty minutes of sun or feeling the rain on your face,
Speaker 1: it offers like a factory reset for your brain and
Speaker 1: your body when you're in a rut. The science also
Speaker 1: backs this up. Being in nature increases dopamine and serotonin
Speaker 1: in our brains chemicals that are associated with an improved
Speaker 1: sense of satisfaction and motivation. And that motivation is critical
Speaker 1: because it's something that we're often missing when we're in
Speaker 1: a rut. Like I said, it's that cycle of knowing
Speaker 1: that you need to make a change, but having very
Speaker 1: little energy or inspiration to actually do it. But we
Speaker 1: can use nature as a way to provide that energy externally.
Speaker 1: From an evolutionary perspective, our brains have developed to explore
Speaker 1: our surroundings and to receive various stimuli from our environment.
Speaker 1: We were meant to be strategic, we were meant to
Speaker 1: problem solve, and also just simply to be outdoors. But
Speaker 1: in a modern, industrialized, fast paced society, we have become
Speaker 1: more and more detached from that innate need, and that
Speaker 1: level of detachment really disrupts our ability to connect with ourselves.
Speaker 1: Think about the last time you are actually out in nature,
Speaker 1: experiencing or enjoying the simple sounds of birds and running
Speaker 1: water and the wind in the trees, all those beautiful things.
Speaker 1: If you can't remember the last time you did that,
Speaker 1: it may be worth contemplating whether you need to reprioritize
Speaker 1: what's going on in your life to really ground yourself.
Speaker 1: Grounding is actually also a really valuable exercise now that
Speaker 1: I think about it. In psychology, grounding is this therapeutic
Speaker 1: technique I guess, maybe a practice where you place your
Speaker 1: bare feet on the earth and you use the natural
Speaker 1: electrical charge from the ground to kind of stabilize you
Speaker 1: and bring you back to the present moment. This may
Speaker 1: sound weird if you've only, you know, kind of been
Speaker 1: exposed to Western science and psychology, but many, many countless
Speaker 1: indigenous societies across the world have historically used a similar
Speaker 1: practice to grounding to really treat various ailments, including mental
Speaker 1: health and mental ailments as well. I would say, just
Speaker 1: give it a go. It can't hurt, and then you
Speaker 1: can kind of tick two of these practices off your list.
Speaker 1: In one trying something new and getting out in nature.
Speaker 1: The next two strategies I would say is somewhat linked,
Speaker 1: but they kind of differ in their timelines. Number three
Speaker 1: is to create one weekly challenge for yourself, and number
Speaker 1: four is to set up small goals and intentions. Let's
Speaker 1: talk about tip three first. We know that when we're
Speaker 1: in a rut, it's hard to feel excited about anything.
Speaker 1: You kind of fantasize about the future without actually doing
Speaker 1: anything about it. You don't really have a sense of
Speaker 1: purpose As a result, I think we don't feel any
Speaker 1: need to push ourselves beyond our comfort zone or to
Speaker 1: really do anything at all in our lives. That is
Speaker 1: the trap set by being in a rut. Once you
Speaker 1: fall into it, it's hard to escape because the very
Speaker 1: things that you could be doing to make yourself feel
Speaker 1: better are the very things that you feel removed from.
Speaker 1: This is why the weekly challenge comes in. It doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be massive, it can be super small, tiny.
Speaker 1: Just focus on one tangible thing that you can do
Speaker 1: to make your life better each week, like leaving the
Speaker 1: house once a day, walking to work, journaling each night,
Speaker 1: or reading a chapter of a book each night before
Speaker 1: bed instead of watching TV. These things are manageable, they
Speaker 1: are small, they're easy to implement. But by setting a
Speaker 1: weekly challenge and fulfilling it and keeping your commitment to yourself,
Speaker 1: we really build confidence in our own abilities, but also
Speaker 1: this sense of progress that we may be lacking. It
Speaker 1: also kind of breaks us away from our normal behavior,
Speaker 1: that thing that we can become very quickly stuck in
Speaker 1: and gives us a sense of change gives us a
Speaker 1: sense that our lives are not concrete. They're flowing, they're changing,
Speaker 1: they're different week by week. This also brings me to
Speaker 1: the next tip, which is to set up small goals
Speaker 1: and intentions for yourself that give you something to look
Speaker 1: forward to, but also to strive towards. The weekly challenge
Speaker 1: is obviously going to change each week, but the short
Speaker 1: term goals are going to require a bit more effort,
Speaker 1: but I think with that comes a bit more reward.
Speaker 1: Often one of the reasons we find ourselves stuck in
Speaker 1: a rut is because of all or nothing thinking around
Speaker 1: what we want to achieve and the direction of our lives,
Speaker 1: particularly in our twenties. We talk about the quarter life
Speaker 1: crisis quite a bit on this show, but really our
Speaker 1: twenties are such as season of feeling lost and stuck,
Speaker 1: and I think the only thing worse than doing something
Speaker 1: and maybe failing, is doing nothing at all. We also
Speaker 1: have this tendency, I think, like I said, to engage
Speaker 1: in all or nothing thinking, where we think the only
Speaker 1: option is success or failure, and we create these huge,
Speaker 1: lofty ambitions and when we face zetbacks, when we face struggles,
Speaker 1: we kind of give up because we're thinking looking only
Speaker 1: about the end goal. And we also know from earlier
Speaker 1: research that failure increases these rut like feelings as well.
Speaker 1: So by breaking things down into smaller goals rather than
Speaker 1: these huge, lofty ambitions that are a lot easier to
Speaker 1: fail at, we're better able to be consistent but also
Speaker 1: stay motivated. And that also helps in getting us out
Speaker 1: of this place of stagnation because we provide ourselves with
Speaker 1: the external motivation of something to focus on, which takes
Speaker 1: us out of our minds and out of our self
Speaker 1: pity into a space where we feel ready to take action.
Speaker 1: You don't need to run a marathon tomorrow, but maybe
Speaker 1: sign up for a five k in three months. That
Speaker 1: gives you enough time looking forward to something, giving you
Speaker 1: a sense of the future, giving you a sense of purpose.
Speaker 1: Those things are all really valuable in counter our doing
Speaker 1: this negative loop. Let's also talk about setting intentions. I
Speaker 1: started setting monthly intentions I think like a few months back,
Speaker 1: maybe six months ago. And it doesn't mean that I
Speaker 1: don't still experience temporary low moments and starkness, but when
Speaker 1: I am in those moments, it does give me something
Speaker 1: to kind of center myself. It's really simple. It's super simple.
Speaker 1: It's like a list like process. What I want to
Speaker 1: ask you is, what are four things that you can
Speaker 1: do in the next month that you'll be proud you
Speaker 1: did in four weeks time? How do you want your
Speaker 1: life to move forward in the next month? And write
Speaker 1: them down somewhere permanent. I like to put them above
Speaker 1: my desk so that I get that reminder. You can
Speaker 1: also put it as an alert on your phone. You
Speaker 1: can set them as your alarm text. In the words
Speaker 1: of this really amazing mindfulness coach in NSIE, setting is
Speaker 1: empowering because instead of feeling like a victim of circumstance,
Speaker 1: you become the conscious creator of your life. And that's
Speaker 1: something we often feel separated from. The thoughts you have
Speaker 1: become your actions, and the thoughts you have about your
Speaker 1: life become your life. So starting internally with that mindset shift,
Speaker 1: even the simple action of just writing down four things
Speaker 1: that you can do is super powerful. My next tip
Speaker 1: is definitely a personal favorite, and it's one that not
Speaker 1: many people I've seen have spoken about. It has to
Speaker 1: do with creativity. You need to do something creative, even
Speaker 1: if you're terrible at it. Even if you suck. Just
Speaker 1: make something anything. And here's why that's important when you're
Speaker 1: stuck in a rut, and why it's made it onto
Speaker 1: this list. Creating something gives us purpose because it feels
Speaker 1: productive and tangible, which in turn kind of inviews our
Speaker 1: life with a sense of meaning. So many of our
Speaker 1: ideas and our visions for life, our plans are very
Speaker 1: intangible and internal. But when we create something we can
Speaker 1: hold in touch and produce, this shows us that there
Speaker 1: is actually something in the world that we have agency over.
Speaker 1: There is something that we can create. We can put
Speaker 1: good things into this planet, into this world, into the
Speaker 1: people around us. Scientifically and psychologically. There's also this idea
Speaker 1: called the theory of cognition, which essentially tells us that
Speaker 1: being creative is one of the basis of human life.
Speaker 1: Everything rests on our ability to create, and beyond that,
Speaker 1: it also increases happiness, It creates a flow like meditative state.
Speaker 1: Creativity reduces dementia and improves mental health, mainly by helping
Speaker 1: us to manage our negative emotions in a productive way.
Speaker 1: That is really the crux of this. All of these
Speaker 1: benefits act as protective factors against falling into a rut. Also,
Speaker 1: I think when we're in this state, it almost physically
Speaker 1: feels like our brains are just a lot slower and
Speaker 1: somewhat incapable of thinking smart or interesting things. So when
Speaker 1: we take time to actually be creative and to tap
Speaker 1: into that area of our brain that has kind of
Speaker 1: been left dormant, we do see a huge difference. You know,
Speaker 1: make terrible doodles, make a chunky scarf and ugly painting,
Speaker 1: whatever you need to do. I think creativity really unlocks
Speaker 1: different neural pathways. It unlocks different ways of seeing the world.
Speaker 1: It breaks us out of the very kind of stale
Speaker 1: existence that often accompanies full time work and full time
Speaker 1: study and daily routines. Finally, tip number six, hold yourself
Speaker 1: accountable for the changes you want to make in your life.
Speaker 1: I say this all the time, but the easiest thing
Speaker 1: to do is what is most convenient, and that urge
Speaker 1: to do nothing, to keep spending our days in bed
Speaker 1: or watching television is particularly pronounced when we're in a rut,
Speaker 1: and sometimes we cannot be the only person in our
Speaker 1: lives trying to hold ourselves accountable for change. I would
Speaker 1: really encourage you to tell your friends or your family
Speaker 1: people who are around you. Often, I think any problem
Speaker 1: spoken out loud is immediately halved, and chances are they're
Speaker 1: probably going to say something like yeah, hey, me too,
Speaker 1: or like I've been there before. But also, you can
Speaker 1: kind of use your friends to help you achieve things
Speaker 1: like your week challenges or your fun nights out. Get
Speaker 1: them involved, bring them over for an art night, ask
Speaker 1: them to start running with you, whatever it is that's
Speaker 1: going to break this cycle when you feel like you're
Speaker 1: not alone, but also when you feel like you'll disappoint
Speaker 1: someone else. If you don't commit or follow through, most
Speaker 1: of the time, you're more likely to succeed. It's such
Speaker 1: a strange conundrum like this really strange like human idiosyncrasy
Speaker 1: that we are more concerned about letting others down than
Speaker 1: letting ourselves down. But we can leverage that instinct to
Speaker 1: kind of get moving and to do things. And also
Speaker 1: telling friends means that they'll be more inclined to check
Speaker 1: in and see how you're going and provide you with
Speaker 1: that encouragement, which I think every human really needs. Any
Speaker 1: emotional state that's distressing or negative, even just feeling like
Speaker 1: you're in a bit of a rut, I really honestly
Speaker 1: do believe that when other people know, when you invite
Speaker 1: them into your struggles, it becomes a lot easier to manage.
Speaker 1: Enlisting those six strategies, I think we'll get you back
Speaker 1: to a place where you're feeling more like yourself. I
Speaker 1: don't think I can promise an overnight shift, but in
Speaker 1: a few weeks it will be hard not to see
Speaker 1: a change, not just in your motivation and your happiness,
Speaker 1: but your overall mindset. I feel a lot of empathy
Speaker 1: for those of us really, you know, grinding it out
Speaker 1: at UNI or at work and just feeling really devoid
Speaker 1: of a sense of self. But I also don't think
Speaker 1: that that experience is uncommon. I think it's very natural
Speaker 1: to go through periods where we lose a bit of
Speaker 1: our spark, we lose a bit of our sense of self.
Speaker 1: Like I said, but what I always think is that
Speaker 1: if you don't change something now, it's going to be
Speaker 1: a lot harder to change it in five or ten years.
Speaker 1: So I'm sending you a lot of love and strength.
Speaker 1: It's not forever. You've got the strategies, and I do
Speaker 1: just really hope that this episode has helped you out. Also,
Speaker 1: you know around happiness and things like that. I think
Speaker 1: we really are in control of our own happiness, and
Speaker 1: sometimes we don't realize that even small things that feel
Speaker 1: like a lot of effort and feel like a lot
Speaker 1: of energy make a sizeable difference. Five minutes setting your intentions,
Speaker 1: five minutes doing something impulsive, five minutes doing a little
Speaker 1: doodle talking to a friend. Sometimes we don't think that
Speaker 1: that will help, but it really does. So it's not
Speaker 1: to say you need to make huge changes in your life.
Speaker 1: I just think that small daily practices, daily things, daily
Speaker 1: intentions really do bring us back to who we are
Speaker 1: and who we want to be and allow us to
Speaker 1: kind of break out of this cycle. So I really
Speaker 1: do hope that this episode helped you out. You're not
Speaker 1: alone in your rut. I'm there with you right now.
Speaker 1: And if you have a friend who maybe needs to
Speaker 1: hear this episode, as always, I would really appreciate it
Speaker 1: if you shared it along, maybe it will help them
Speaker 1: out and you'll be able to recognize that there are
Speaker 1: other people going through this as well. As always, if
Speaker 1: you enjoyed this episode, please feel free to leave a
Speaker 1: five star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you are
Speaker 1: listening right now. It helps the show to grow and
Speaker 1: reach new people. And again, if you like this content,
Speaker 1: if you want more content like this, if you want
Speaker 1: bonus content, unreleased episodes, episode transcripts, studies, newsletters, all that
Speaker 1: good stuff, please check out my Patreon. I will leave
Speaker 1: a link in the description of this episode. It really
Speaker 1: does support me as someone who is doing this very
Speaker 1: independently and doing this very much on my own. It's
Speaker 1: great to see the community grow and hopefully you'll go
Speaker 1: check it out. If you have an episode suggestion, follow
Speaker 1: me at that psychology podcast. I read them all. They
Speaker 1: are so amazing. I often integrate what you're going through
Speaker 1: into my episodes, so I really do love to hear
Speaker 1: from other people in their twenties or of any age
Speaker 1: who have an experience that they want to understand the psychology.
Speaker 1: So thank you again for listening along, and we will
Speaker 1: be back next week with another episode.