Speaker 1: My dyslexic grandfather was a baker in the army. He
Speaker 1: used to go into battle with all bonds glazing. What
Speaker 1: do you get if you chop a policeman's head into
Speaker 1: four pieces? Police headquarters. I went to the skin cancer
Speaker 1: doctor with a suspicious looking mole, but he said they
Speaker 1: all look like that. You should have left him in
Speaker 1: the garden where he belongs. Imagine if the United States
Speaker 1: switched from pounds to kilograms overnight, there would be mass confusion.
Speaker 1: Why did Waldo go to therapy? He wanted to find himself.
Speaker 1: How did Harry Potter end up on the set of
Speaker 1: Family Guy? He went through the Griffin door. Did you
Speaker 1: know the first barber ever was German? His name was
Speaker 1: her Cuts. Did you hear about the rancher with ninety
Speaker 1: seven cows in his field? When he rounded them up,
Speaker 1: he had one hundred? Son asks his father, Hey, Dad,
Speaker 1: what does AD stand for? Sister interrupts after death. Dad
Speaker 1: says it's actually Latin and odomini. Sister smacks her head. Gosh,
Speaker 1: I feel so dumb now, Dad says, don't worry, it's
Speaker 1: a common era. My chiropractor is really funny. He cracks
Speaker 1: me up. My wife is half Indian, half Scottish. I
Speaker 1: call her my mango lassie. Why are Batman and Superman
Speaker 1: the Little Mermaids favorite superheroes because they're under DC. Why
Speaker 1: is a hemorrhoid called a hemorrhoid because asphalt was taken?
Speaker 1: Just found out the company that produces yardsticks won't be
Speaker 1: making them any longer. Did you hear about the two
Speaker 1: silkworms who competed in a race It ended in a tie.
Speaker 1: I've been stealing from the local crematorium. I earn one
Speaker 1: hundred dollars a week doing that. Some coworkers and I
Speaker 1: wanted to find out who'd gotten the most outrageous ties
Speaker 1: as gifts from our kids. Problem is that nobody wins
Speaker 1: in a tie game. Did you hear that Ice Spice
Speaker 1: is getting engaged to a pirate? I guess he likes
Speaker 1: her because she has a large booty. What's Ken's favorite
Speaker 1: type of food? Barbecue? Ever? Order cashews on door dash
Speaker 1: and they mess it up and bring you pistachios instead.
Speaker 1: Those people drive me nuts. I'm Montgomery Jones. Stick around
Speaker 1: for a bonus dad joke. Don't forget to share the
Speaker 1: jokes with your family and friends. Have a great night,
Speaker 1: and I'll see you tomorrow. Thank you for listening.
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Speaker 2: nine seven eight three nine three one zero seven six,
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Speaker 2: Jokes podcast is produced by Classic Studios. See the show
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Speaker 1: How do Dog Stop a movie? The Chris Pauls