Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys We Guys Book. I'm Christina,
Speaker 1: I'm Corenn. We're sorry about last night, the anti slut
Speaker 1: shaming podcast. I never stopped a fuckers. Welcome to another
Speaker 1: episode of Guys We Fuck. It's the anti slut shaming podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm Karren, I'm Christina. And before we get into things,
Speaker 1: I want to get into something from mod Claw that
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Speaker 1: probably after they hear that that was so funny. I
Speaker 1: don't know why, how are you? I'm great? I went
Speaker 1: to the Renaissance fair. Oh nice? Yeah? Nothing nothing. Did
Speaker 1: you get your mod cloth but your Renaissance face? No?
Speaker 1: I work forever twenty one dress. But nothing. I will
Speaker 1: say nothing takes your relationship to the next level. Then
Speaker 1: convincing your boyfriend to drive you in a zip car
Speaker 1: to be Renaissance fair? How did you do that? Just persistence?
Speaker 1: Really he kept poking them in the arm. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: was just changing Jameson's going, wow, miss I go my
Speaker 1: own pet fisher. Oh no, no, no no. I was
Speaker 1: just like, it's like a fun like Renaissance fairs are awesome. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The first time I ever drank in high school was
Speaker 1: in tenth grade. Is also coincidentally the first time that
Speaker 1: I ever made out with a boy will like being
Speaker 1: on top of his body. And then I went to
Speaker 1: Renaissance Fair and it was really cool and I had
Speaker 1: a big chicken leg. Did you go to the Renaissance Fair?
Speaker 1: Because James was trying to say that he was the
Speaker 1: other one, and I was like, no, no no, no, this
Speaker 1: is the Tuxedo Park Renaissance Fair thirty seven years. They
Speaker 1: have little they have set up, like the village doesn't
Speaker 1: go away, like these are like houses in the middle
Speaker 1: of the woods, like it's only old friend for two months.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, it's creepy. Oh. We went to this
Speaker 1: dungeon museum fucking ghosts. No, no, no, I mean that's
Speaker 1: not really what that's is known for, you know, but
Speaker 1: it's a girl can dream. No. We but we went
Speaker 1: into this dungeon museum and I don't think anyone was
Speaker 1: really going in because I said the word museum and
Speaker 1: then it was three dollars and I was like, we're
Speaker 1: definitely going and so we went in and didn't even
Speaker 1: explain what it was. And then we go in and
Speaker 1: it's just these statues re enacting medieval torture and I
Speaker 1: took a picture of everyone. It was real fucked up.
Speaker 1: They used to do funked up things to people, and
Speaker 1: I know what like it. So one thing was like,
Speaker 1: if you're a liar, they like, they attached this leather
Speaker 1: the mean girl a school, Well, if you're a liar liar,
Speaker 1: you can't sit with us. That was one of the
Speaker 1: medieval tortures. You couldn't sit with like the cool people.
Speaker 1: Um no, So what it was was they attached this
Speaker 1: um like leather strapped to your tongue and then they
Speaker 1: put weight on it until your tongue it just stretches
Speaker 1: out crazy or falls out of your mouth, so then
Speaker 1: you can't tell a lie. Well, then I would never
Speaker 1: tell a lie. But how do you prove it? You know? Well,
Speaker 1: that's the thing. I mean that these people were their trials.
Speaker 1: It was just someone yelling and pointing that, yo'll cross
Speaker 1: me twice, I'll call you a lie. That's Abigail, she
Speaker 1: is a liar. And the whole yeah, well that. Oh
Speaker 1: was there a torture for sluts? Yeah, rusty belts horse, oh,
Speaker 1: Christ Almighty in a handbasket. And James and I were
Speaker 1: looking at that and I was like, so it's not
Speaker 1: it wasn't considered torture, but I mean it based it
Speaker 1: was in the Torture Museum, And it's like, if you
Speaker 1: have to take a ship with a chasty belt on,
Speaker 1: how do you well, it's covering up so that no
Speaker 1: dicks can get in your vagina, so goes in your butt?
Speaker 1: It does a cat, know, But I'm just saying like
Speaker 1: it was like your I mean, it looks the whole
Speaker 1: it's covering that whole area. So if you're pooping, like,
Speaker 1: how are you in? I don't know how to get
Speaker 1: around it. You could you ask questions in the museum
Speaker 1: where there wasn't a guy, there was only three dollars. No,
Speaker 1: there wasn't a guy. There would definitely be some build
Speaker 1: up under that chastity belt. I mean. Oh, and then
Speaker 1: there was the worst one I think was they lay
Speaker 1: you down and they put a cage with hungry rats
Speaker 1: on top of your organs, and then they know, way, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: for sure. I know, I know it seems like I'm
Speaker 1: making this up, but I'm not. And then you put
Speaker 1: hot coals on top of the cage, so the mice
Speaker 1: because they were afraid of dying, and the rats would
Speaker 1: eat through the person's body to get out. So maybe
Speaker 1: that's when my my dad would when he said, like,
Speaker 1: we don't punish kids good enough these days. You know,
Speaker 1: we just let him off. We'll take away their iPad
Speaker 1: for an hour. Well, I mean, these motherfucker's got their
Speaker 1: organs eating by rats. I don't know. We just sit
Speaker 1: around like asking each other why we're so terrible to
Speaker 1: one another, and I'm like, I don't know. Maybe take
Speaker 1: a trip to the Renaissance Fair and pay three dollars
Speaker 1: to go through the Dungeon Museum, and then maybe you'll
Speaker 1: realize things have actually sadly gotten a lot better, and
Speaker 1: they're still horrendous. Like if these things board people. You know,
Speaker 1: when you don't have social media, you're going to create
Speaker 1: a really gnarly invention to get a guy's organs eaten
Speaker 1: by rats because he fucking lied or he fucked your wife. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know. And then James had a one up the museum.
Speaker 1: So he told me about something that wasn't even included.
Speaker 1: Know what did he say? It's this torture where they
Speaker 1: would like feel your feel your mouth and your eyes
Speaker 1: and your ain with honey and milk, and they would
Speaker 1: make you force you to ingust honey and milk, put
Speaker 1: it in your eyes and like all open orifices, and
Speaker 1: then set you out into the sun until you like
Speaker 1: baked and went rotten with milk as like insects would
Speaker 1: eat out your body parts. And then most people like
Speaker 1: that's a slow death. So people would become delirious and
Speaker 1: then eventually die from like a mix of dehydration, you know,
Speaker 1: getting their organs eating out, um, etcetera. Hey, happy Friday man, everyone.
Speaker 1: Wow that sucks, as that's not a good way to go.
Speaker 1: Speaking of the Torch Museum, I went on vacation with
Speaker 1: my family. Hey I'm not lying, Yeah, I got some
Speaker 1: text messages regarding that, well, the one that I puked
Speaker 1: at wah wah because I a poor sunderline. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: yeah a lot of things. Do you ever go on
Speaker 1: family vacations still? I mean no, yeah, because you're adult, right, Yeah. No.
Speaker 1: I I said no to that a while ago. I mean,
Speaker 1: I would add my mom to another country. But that, um,
Speaker 1: it was a weird one of my It was very
Speaker 1: I have a very small family. They were almost of
Speaker 1: them all there, not every single moment, but there was
Speaker 1: a bunch of family members. Stephen and I feel like
Speaker 1: we rekindled our love. We like refell in love and
Speaker 1: like hung out on the beach at night in the moon.
Speaker 1: I'm like, god, I fucking love you, dude, and he's like,
Speaker 1: I fucking love you too. And I'm like, let's fun.
Speaker 1: He's like okay, and then outside now no sand and
Speaker 1: this girl's vagina. Um. But it was just I don't know,
Speaker 1: I just I got to hang out with him and
Speaker 1: not and like do a fun thing. Right. One of
Speaker 1: my relatives just openly admitted that he was racist, and
Speaker 1: I was like, wow, I do respect that more than
Speaker 1: a secret race. I do. And I knew he was racist,
Speaker 1: but because he was like, who's on your shirt? And
Speaker 1: I said Beyonce and he goes, oh. I'm like, aren't
Speaker 1: you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking I will stabby
Speaker 1: with a knife, fyance. I feel like it's like is
Speaker 1: transcends like race. She's no black, fucking strong ass bitch,
Speaker 1: She's the best. I love her, I love whatever. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I got real mad real, don't you fucking ever? So
Speaker 1: that sucks and that like you know, and then my
Speaker 1: mom got all bipolary. That's fun. So yeah, families, man,
Speaker 1: just a friendly reminders thrown it out there. No one's
Speaker 1: family is normal. Most families are sucked up. If you're
Speaker 1: in a fucked up family, I feel you. I'm sending
Speaker 1: you love. It is not easy. I have been constipated
Speaker 1: since I got back. I'm pretty sure it's because of nerves,
Speaker 1: right well, I mean, I think that's like a great
Speaker 1: reminder like that you have the opportunity in life to
Speaker 1: select your own family. I know, I love my friends
Speaker 1: way more like I love my mom and my dad
Speaker 1: and my brother and the rest of the people are
Speaker 1: cool too, but like they just it's the true connection
Speaker 1: that I feel, like the deep connection is with my friends,
Speaker 1: and I chose them family. You just get served and
Speaker 1: hope they're all right. I know you're like fingers crossed.
Speaker 1: I do really my dad and my brother, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: they're like the best. I fucking love them. And I
Speaker 1: got to hang out with Brantley, who's a year and
Speaker 1: a half now, and I got to see him see
Speaker 1: the beach for the first time and that was cool.
Speaker 1: And I got to run around and tickle him and
Speaker 1: he laughed so hard and it made me the happiest
Speaker 1: I've ever been in my life. So you know, there
Speaker 1: was ups and downs. Yeah, there was no torture in
Speaker 1: the way of devices in a museum, but there was
Speaker 1: via my mom's manipulation and sudden awful remarks. Happy Friday
Speaker 1: to me, guys. This is how you're gonna make your
Speaker 1: Friday better. Okay, because a lot of people have been
Speaker 1: asking us, can you do more than one episode of Guys,
Speaker 1: We Fucked um a week? And to that we say yeah, actually,
Speaker 1: now we will. We have been doing it. So if
Speaker 1: you want more episodes of Guys We Fucked in your life,
Speaker 1: you can get a month for free, and then it's
Speaker 1: when you sign up for Howell. It's kind of like
Speaker 1: the Netflix of podcasting. This is the link that that
Speaker 1: you have to type in. It's in the description of
Speaker 1: this podcast. You're dead to me if you don't type
Speaker 1: in the link, because if you do, like, we don't
Speaker 1: get any like fucking credit or whatever. The fun the
Speaker 1: firm Howell. If you just go to Howell dot Fm.
Speaker 1: Go to Howell dot fm slash g WF, which stands
Speaker 1: for guys, we fucked um. There's thematic episodes. We're going
Speaker 1: to dive into emails and really spend time on them.
Speaker 1: We we get the most amazing emails and sad and
Speaker 1: funny and weird and gnarly in our inbox, so we
Speaker 1: actually have time to dig in and read them and
Speaker 1: explore them. We bring on your favorite guests back that
Speaker 1: you've heard, We bring on new guests. We sometimes we
Speaker 1: get drunk and do an episode. Sometimes we let you
Speaker 1: into our personalize a little more. I don't know, it's
Speaker 1: gonna be really fun. Okay, so you could start one
Speaker 1: month free trial if you go to Howell dot fm
Speaker 1: slash g WF, or you're dead to me. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: we really hope you wrote that down. Uh, we do
Speaker 1: have tour dates that we're gonna go through it once again.
Speaker 1: That was very exciting news last week. But if you
Speaker 1: are local to New York City like we are, we
Speaker 1: have some dates here September, which is a Wednesday, The
Speaker 1: Comedian Project is back at the Standing Room. Tickets are
Speaker 1: five dollars with code sex at the door. It's fun.
Speaker 1: Just come, just go. We don't talk about sex, dating,
Speaker 1: a relationships because sometimes you need a fucking break from
Speaker 1: all of that. And then on Friday, September it's a
Speaker 1: back to back, guys, we fucked night of fun. Okay,
Speaker 1: So first off is Glamour Post hosted by Wendy Starling
Speaker 1: and myself at sync party to us third Street. Uh,
Speaker 1: you gotta be twenty one and up. And I don't know,
Speaker 1: I forget how much tickets are, but just click the
Speaker 1: link in this. Yeah I think they're I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm in the weirdest mood ever. Yeah, So go come
Speaker 1: to Glamor Plus at seven thirty and then get your
Speaker 1: party dress on at eleven fifteen pm at Near York
Speaker 1: Comedy Club. It's Nancho Bitches, and it's my birthday edition.
Speaker 1: Is this day after my birthday? Say I'll be hungover
Speaker 1: and then I'll be crying that by drinking more Hair
Speaker 1: of the Dog with Blair Sak. Uh Yeah. Tickets are
Speaker 1: ten dollars with code Nacho, gott to use that code.
Speaker 1: It's definitely gonna sell out. We have a crazy lineup
Speaker 1: plan for you. I'm so excited, including a very special guest.
Speaker 1: I've been trying to get on the show for a
Speaker 1: long time and then finally I think it's really gonna happen.
Speaker 1: And uh Yeah, we're gonna drink, We're gonna tell jokes.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be their party in Christina is gonna be there,
Speaker 1: Fucking I'll murder you if you heckle. Our agent, Olivia
Speaker 1: is gonna be there. She's a fun guy. We're gonna
Speaker 1: have a great fun. We're gonna have a really great time. Guys,
Speaker 1: so do that. And then one is actually sixteen and up.
Speaker 1: But I swear to God, if you are sixteen and
Speaker 1: you come up to me drunk, I'm slapping the face.
Speaker 1: Do not drink. We use sixteen. Life gets so much worse.
Speaker 1: You need to save that. Yeah, if you trinking now,
Speaker 1: you're gonna do met by time it's one. Just don't oh,
Speaker 1: when we're going on tour. Guys. Our tour dates were
Speaker 1: announced last week. We're gonna go on an awesome tour
Speaker 1: in November. This is just the first leg of the tour.
Speaker 1: We cannot really express this enough to you people keeping
Speaker 1: thank you. You're not really feel like we're gonna be there. Listen,
Speaker 1: we are mere mortal beings. We are going as many
Speaker 1: places as we can. This is the start of it. Okay, guys,
Speaker 1: very exciting. We didn't sit down and go fuck Kansas City. You.
Speaker 1: Actually we did do that to South Carolina though, because
Speaker 1: of the bullshit bathroom ball. We did do that. You. No,
Speaker 1: North Carolina isn't I think it was North Carolina. Is
Speaker 1: North Carolina? I said South. I was gonna say, yeah,
Speaker 1: we did say fun you to North Carolina. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: You don't have to getting a car great North Carolina.
Speaker 1: We can't. We can't perform in a place that's so behind. Honestly, Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're making We're taking a stance. Our agent was like,
Speaker 1: do you want to take a stance, and we're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we love taking stance. And by saying yeah, we took
Speaker 1: a stand, we took a stance and I felt good
Speaker 1: about it. We we we replied to our all to
Speaker 1: an email and we we really took a stance. Yes,
Speaker 1: and that's what we encourage you millennials to do. So anyway,
Speaker 1: here at the City's listen up by the tickets are going.
Speaker 1: Some of these are already almost sold out, so we're
Speaker 1: not working around with you. And if you're not old
Speaker 1: enough to get in, just fucking wait. I don't know
Speaker 1: what to tell you. Some of the venues are eighteen
Speaker 1: and up. Click on the link and see if that's
Speaker 1: the case with your venue that you want to go,
Speaker 1: call the venue. There's so much fucking complaining. We brought
Speaker 1: you three amazing facts of information last week and then
Speaker 1: just NonStop fucking complain. You look beautiful today if you
Speaker 1: told yourself that, Marian, all right, it's fine. So Syracuse,
Speaker 1: New York on November two, we're going to be at
Speaker 1: the Funny Bone, Albany, New York. November three at the
Speaker 1: Funny Bone, Hartford, Connecticut, November six, at the Funny Bone, Irvine, California,
Speaker 1: November nine at the Improv Los Angeles, California. November tenth
Speaker 1: at the Comedy Store Phoenix, Arizona, even eleven at stand
Speaker 1: Up Live, Ontario, California, not Canada, November at the Improv,
Speaker 1: San Francisco, California. November four that Cobbs Comedy Club. That's
Speaker 1: actually might be sold out by the time this airs,
Speaker 1: but we'll see uh Indianapolis, Indiana, November six. At Crackers, Columbus, Ohio.
Speaker 1: November seventeen, That The Funny Bone, Chicago, Illinois. This one
Speaker 1: is a podcast taping. It's going to be November eight
Speaker 1: at the Word I can't pronounce theater, Chicago fest Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that the theater and now it's actually a real
Speaker 1: world I just can't pronounce it, Cleveland, Ohio. The last day,
Speaker 1: Don't Suck eleven of November twenty at Hilarities. Were so excited.
Speaker 1: This is going to be the guys You Fun touring
Speaker 1: show that we tested. We did a sold out run
Speaker 1: of it in New York. It was fucking incredible. It's
Speaker 1: a lot of fun. You can participate, you are part
Speaker 1: of the short couple of minutes. You can be like
Speaker 1: it's about me, and it actually will. It will be value.
Speaker 1: You're actually really right. You can buy some shirts, you
Speaker 1: can buy some toebags. If you can't come out to
Speaker 1: any of the shows. The merchandise is all available on
Speaker 1: our website, which is sorry about Last Night Comedy dot com.
Speaker 1: Just go on click on merch Anything you do is
Speaker 1: supporting us and supporting us being able to travel around
Speaker 1: and shake your hands and give you to have you
Speaker 1: tell us about your pussy. But tonight we are in Toronto, Guys, Canada.
Speaker 1: We're currently at Just for Laughs Toronto. Things are going
Speaker 1: well fingers crossed and uh at nine pm tonight we're
Speaker 1: going to be at the Royal Theater for that show
Speaker 1: Just for Laughs. Passes are required, but then there are
Speaker 1: suns tickets still available for where the Midnight Show, which
Speaker 1: is where we're gonna get down and dirty, so dirty.
Speaker 1: You're a big fan of the show, come to that
Speaker 1: fucking show. It's gonna be crazy. They're both gonna be good,
Speaker 1: but like, come to both of them. Well, I mean,
Speaker 1: you need to pass for one, but yeah, by what,
Speaker 1: you don't need a pass for what? Looking great in
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Speaker 1: to email us, guys are email dresses sorry about last
Speaker 1: night show at gmail dot com. Um, we will read them.
Speaker 1: And this subject line of this email that I'm going
Speaker 1: to read is accused of masturbating in front of someone
Speaker 1: I barely know. Oh hi, Karen and Christina, Hey, ladies,
Speaker 1: I love the podcast. You'll do a fantastic job. I
Speaker 1: am a nineteen year old male currently in college and
Speaker 1: asking for your advice on how to approach a very
Speaker 1: strange problem I'm dealing with. Essentially, me and my two
Speaker 1: friends who attend my college. We're planning to visit our friends,
Speaker 1: who all attend a different college about three hours away
Speaker 1: from our own. Those we planned on visiting all live
Speaker 1: in a house together off campus. However, I received a
Speaker 1: test text message not long before writing this email from
Speaker 1: the only girl living in the house. This girl is
Speaker 1: not from my hometown like the close friends. She's living
Speaker 1: within the house that I know, so I have only
Speaker 1: hung out with her about two or three times. One
Speaker 1: of the times was a weekend last year where she
Speaker 1: invited our mutual friends and I to crash at her
Speaker 1: house for a weekend and party. We partied a lot,
Speaker 1: we booze, and I don't remember much from that weekend anyway.
Speaker 1: The message she sent me was plainly telling me that
Speaker 1: I was not allowed in the college house whenever I visited,
Speaker 1: and definitely not allowed to stay there at any point.
Speaker 1: Having believed to only ever have had pleasant interactions with her,
Speaker 1: I responded respectfully that I will comply with her requests,
Speaker 1: but asked as to why she made this decision. She
Speaker 1: replied saying, someone who masturbated in front of a bunch
Speaker 1: of people while leaning on someone who has sexual assault
Speaker 1: problems is not someone I want in my house. I
Speaker 1: barely know this girl, and I don't remember ever doing
Speaker 1: anything like that. I only masturbate in private and have
Speaker 1: never even considered anything resembled public masturbation. I would be
Speaker 1: confident in my belief that she is wrong in accusing
Speaker 1: me of this. However, I also don't remember much of
Speaker 1: that weekend long party we were both at this That
Speaker 1: party is the only time I could think of among
Speaker 1: the little handful of times we have interacted, that I
Speaker 1: could have masturbated in front of her. I can only
Speaker 1: assume she believes I masturbated under my pants at this
Speaker 1: party in front of everyone, something I am most ad
Speaker 1: percent sure I did not do. However, like I said,
Speaker 1: we were all under the influence, so I can't remember
Speaker 1: the details, so I cannot be sure. She isn't talking,
Speaker 1: she isn't taking me to quarter or anything, but it's
Speaker 1: just banning me from the house she and our mutual
Speaker 1: friends live in. One of those friends I intended to
Speaker 1: visit have already contacted me in support, telling me that
Speaker 1: they believe me, but I don't want to get involved.
Speaker 1: She probably won't contact me again. Unfortunately, how can I
Speaker 1: live with something like this? Well, these people I have
Speaker 1: known for years think I'm a pervert. Maybe I was
Speaker 1: scratching my crotch and it looked like I was masturbating.
Speaker 1: As a person who has only ever kissed girls, I'm
Speaker 1: not very sexual experience and honestly feel sick because I
Speaker 1: know I now know that someone thinks I masturbated in
Speaker 1: front of her and my friends under my pants. The
Speaker 1: only upside to this is since we don't even live
Speaker 1: in the same hometown and we don't go to the
Speaker 1: same school, I honestly don't ever have to interact with
Speaker 1: her ever. Again, I really don't know if you can
Speaker 1: offer much advice, don't want to do, or I just
Speaker 1: don't know who to turn to about something so strange
Speaker 1: slash sexual. Hope this makes sense. Sorry for my long email.
Speaker 1: Don't apologize. Oh dude, so you got to accuse the
Speaker 1: jerk in it in a party in public? This is Um.
Speaker 1: I feel bad that this sucks that you just got this,
Speaker 1: uh you know, this random text about something you did
Speaker 1: last year. Um, that you didn't do, that you didn't do,
Speaker 1: although you I think you are correct in understanding that
Speaker 1: you were drunk and maybe it did it. If it did,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I wasn't there. I mean, did anybody
Speaker 1: ask you? I would ask your friends if anybody else
Speaker 1: saw this. And also, yeah, maybe only just re adjusted
Speaker 1: your nuts when you were drunk or yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm definitely less less of the lady. When
Speaker 1: I'm drinking, I'll pick my underwear to my vagina. I'm drunk,
Speaker 1: prof UM, yeah, it's really upsetting, and I would be
Speaker 1: upset if I were you too. And I'm kind of
Speaker 1: glad you're upset because that means you're concerned and you
Speaker 1: don't want to be a prove and you're not You're
Speaker 1: you're not um. But that is jarring to think, to
Speaker 1: know that somebody out there thinks that of you. I
Speaker 1: would really she texted you or she messaged you, I
Speaker 1: would ask her. I would just say, hey, UM, that's horrible,
Speaker 1: and I would like to know more information if you
Speaker 1: be willing to share it, can you me, because can
Speaker 1: you please tell me what you think I was doing?
Speaker 1: Because this is really upsetting me. I didn't do it,
Speaker 1: and I and if I, if I, something happened to
Speaker 1: me and I somehow did I don't recall it. I
Speaker 1: was black out drunk, but you know, being black out
Speaker 1: drunk is never an excuse for actions, but it's certainly
Speaker 1: it's good to know that that's something you did, right,
Speaker 1: so then you know, wow, I can't I'm a person
Speaker 1: who can't get black out drunk because I'm masturbate in public, right,
Speaker 1: So that's of course that's an option of what happened.
Speaker 1: And then the other option is you didn't do it.
Speaker 1: But I think either way, UM, I think the girl
Speaker 1: who is upset and won't allow you in her house
Speaker 1: should give you a little bit more information. Um, because
Speaker 1: you want to know for your own good and for
Speaker 1: your future and for you being around other people. You
Speaker 1: just don't want to do that, I know. I feel
Speaker 1: like every Gothamist is a blog about New York City stuff,
Speaker 1: and I love reading it because it's so fun. Every
Speaker 1: fucking day there's somebody jerks off in the subway, and
Speaker 1: I remember reading this one story about this girl filming
Speaker 1: this guy who was jerking off and he had the
Speaker 1: creepiest fucking look in his way. Oh god. And then
Speaker 1: after that video surfaced online, I mean it was shaming him.
Speaker 1: It was I mean, he was wasted, and that's not
Speaker 1: an excuse, but that's also like a shitty moment in
Speaker 1: his life. He was like, holy shit, I had no
Speaker 1: idea I did that. I will never do that again.
Speaker 1: I am so embarrassed. That is horrible. But like he
Speaker 1: really read and you're like, Okay, that guy didn't mean
Speaker 1: to do that. UM. I was saying, like, if it's
Speaker 1: in your pants and you're not getting calling anyone else,
Speaker 1: and you're not like looking like when you're doing it,
Speaker 1: like there are a lot worse things, you know what
Speaker 1: I know world, and no one would I don't know
Speaker 1: who would you yell at a girl masterbanding at a
Speaker 1: party through a pants? Probably not that girl would be
Speaker 1: a hero. Yeah, but the guy. That's the one fucking
Speaker 1: double standard that's in a favor. We can masturbate at
Speaker 1: a party and ain't no one gonna kick us out
Speaker 1: of the house. Well, also, I think the thing with
Speaker 1: girls is the thing that makes we're not threatening. Well, no,
Speaker 1: nothing comes out of us when we I mean a hose. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just like you know, I'm saying like, I mean
Speaker 1: like there's like jizz is coming out of a guy.
Speaker 1: I mean there's very I mean, I know people I'm like,
Speaker 1: but I square when I okay, shut up, good for you.
Speaker 1: Most people aren't yet nothing is coming out. So it's
Speaker 1: just like a little bit more hygienic, like your jizz
Speaker 1: off my hallway, you know wall. Yeah. Um so yeah,
Speaker 1: I would ask this girl for more information. I do
Speaker 1: think that you deserve that because that's alarming and I'm
Speaker 1: sorry that happened. And if you did do it. You
Speaker 1: should know, and if you didn't, that sucks, but I would.
Speaker 1: I would reach out to her again and get to
Speaker 1: the bottom end of it and then reach out to
Speaker 1: other people in the house, because that's not something you
Speaker 1: take lightly. And I'm glad you're not taking a lightly
Speaker 1: with your heart, not with your dick. Yeah, but you
Speaker 1: were going to reach out with you dick. All right, um.
Speaker 1: And then email number two, there's a lot of emojis
Speaker 1: in the subject line that makes me and just bear
Speaker 1: with me as I read this, because it's written in
Speaker 1: like a special language. We both read this at the
Speaker 1: same time, I think, in our respective apartments and forwarded
Speaker 1: it to each other and we're like, we need to
Speaker 1: read this. Yeah, it's called interracial beating heart emoji, chocolate
Speaker 1: bar emoji. How I met Veronica from prison And it
Speaker 1: might be my favorite email of all time. We're not
Speaker 1: we're not And just just if the readers writers listening,
Speaker 1: we're not making fun of you. We're laughing with you.
Speaker 1: I just I love this person and I want to
Speaker 1: meet this person. No, I love I love that you're
Speaker 1: just righting your heart like yeah, because none of people
Speaker 1: do that. And this is a great This is and
Speaker 1: just guys as an example, this is how you start
Speaker 1: off a good email. H I did a bid in
Speaker 1: Momouth County Prison, same county that seats Asbury Park, Ocean Township,
Speaker 1: Belmar long Brand. I got locked up for selling heroin.
Speaker 1: They threw me in gang unit even though I'm neutral,
Speaker 1: but in certain picks on my Instagram the eternal Ferris
Speaker 1: go on social media to separate gangs. I'm pretty popular
Speaker 1: DJ digs. We're just going with it. I wouldn't even
Speaker 1: have DJ if it wasn't for DJ wou Kid, my idol,
Speaker 1: my Bunky. Tommy had picks of this black girl with
Speaker 1: her name tagged and they were co defendants facing twenty
Speaker 1: years and he ended up taking seven years in NSP,
Speaker 1: Jersey's worst prison. He was my Bunky and had her
Speaker 1: picks all over his cell. I jerked off a hundred
Speaker 1: to her and like that she liked a white boy.
Speaker 1: She signed on Facebook, told her a new Tommy and
Speaker 1: asked how she came home and told me he took
Speaker 1: all the charges. Apparently they robbed and started there's no periods.
Speaker 1: Apparently they robbed a Mexican with a machete L O L.
Speaker 1: That should have been my my first learning that the
Speaker 1: Facebook messages got see me going my way. I knew
Speaker 1: she did heroin, but after four months her addiction got
Speaker 1: very bad. I love hood black bitches again. This is
Speaker 1: not my words. I mean, I'm a I'm a gangster,
Speaker 1: wrapped DJ with a face tattoo and led a crazy life.
Speaker 1: Dat o'deed from xan X and alcohol. After last Thanksgiving
Speaker 1: while I was there, I got out February. She got
Speaker 1: off May five. She recently stole my debit card because
Speaker 1: she knew the password. Because I got a sickness. People
Speaker 1: called I forgot damn. Oh yeah, rhinovirus, which is just
Speaker 1: the common cold l O L. She spent two sleep
Speaker 1: with me. I sent her downstairs to get us candy
Speaker 1: and smacks. Is that I don't know smack cereal? Well,
Speaker 1: I think, but smack is a drug, but it's also
Speaker 1: a cereal, and I don't I'm I'm guessing it's sweet
Speaker 1: that we thought it was a cereal, but it's probably
Speaker 1: not the cereal. But wouldn't need to say heroin because
Speaker 1: he's been saying heroin. Oh oh, biggie, I get money.
Speaker 1: But she went to rehab. I gave her money, so
Speaker 1: she didn't have to go to detox withdrawal. I fall
Speaker 1: for addicts. Jail might help her. I don't know what
Speaker 1: to do. I have her an ultimatum to pay me back.
Speaker 1: She's doing bad, but she's fucking hot, crazy, but that
Speaker 1: I love to eat. The sex and dirty talk makes
Speaker 1: me feel amazing. I'm sucked up. I used to get high,
Speaker 1: but I keep giving into the attic and taking her back,
Speaker 1: and she fux up. I'm heartbroken. That's what the tattoo
Speaker 1: actually is. I'm on probation, so I'm sober. I haven't
Speaker 1: slipped since February when I overdosed, but I was fucking
Speaker 1: with some nice China white that's plaguing New Jersey yet
Speaker 1: I guess, I mean, oh maybe, or it's a drug.
Speaker 1: I know that a try away is a drug nickname.
Speaker 1: I don't know which one killed my dad. Does she
Speaker 1: need jail time? She has two daughters, three and eight,
Speaker 1: and baby's dad is awesome. Should I should? I said
Speaker 1: fuck you and let her do a bid. Since she
Speaker 1: won't do rehab, I'll send her more than she soul
Speaker 1: and send her letters heart emoji beating. I am in
Speaker 1: love with her. She gets so wet and screams, and
Speaker 1: we even role play prison sex. That's rocking, and I
Speaker 1: know she loves the sex, but I'm losing to heroin.
Speaker 1: Me and her had an amazing labor night, which me
Speaker 1: and James are now using labor night, which is the
Speaker 1: night of labor day. Oh god, duh. Spent like fo
Speaker 1: on a date, just chilling, and I wake up and
Speaker 1: she probably needed her next fix feeling any dopez do
Speaker 1: horrendous shit. I did my share of rap. I wanted
Speaker 1: to be clean because when it's perfect, it's so perfect.
Speaker 1: I love chocolate women so much and don't even got
Speaker 1: a big dick, but I'm about six inches. But don't
Speaker 1: let black women fool you. I make them. Uh drop emoji,
Speaker 1: drop emoji, sat up pal, Keep it moist, that's what.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, keep it moist, bitches. I'd definitely be able
Speaker 1: to bag her in. I feel Nope. Um, I'm not
Speaker 1: a wigger, but I'm tough and deaf legit and the
Speaker 1: if not that word forever, Dark City, chocolate bar emoji,
Speaker 1: a hundred emoji, dollar bill emoji, gunn emoji, uh needle emoji,
Speaker 1: funny emoji again, beating heart emoji, all in one story.
Speaker 1: We were gonna come see y'all crying, laughing emoji, sad
Speaker 1: emoji from DJ Diggs all right, and then she then
Speaker 1: he puts some pictures and it was great. All that.
Speaker 1: I love when people's on a pictures. Um, being in
Speaker 1: love with the drug is hard, yeah, because you can't. Um,
Speaker 1: you can't. It's totally up to them to stop. Like,
Speaker 1: it's not up to you. It's out of your control. Right.
Speaker 1: So yeah, we wanted to read that email because number
Speaker 1: one way just amused us and we love we love
Speaker 1: an email I want to digs. But yeah, but also
Speaker 1: we're like, oh after reading it, I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is actually a really like I would think, pretty
Speaker 1: common problem that you're in. You're in love with somebody,
Speaker 1: and when it's good, it's good, but when it's bad,
Speaker 1: it's really bad. And unfortunately one member of the in
Speaker 1: the relationship has something that is overpowering them and taking
Speaker 1: control of their life and making them someone who they
Speaker 1: are not. Actually Yeah, and you see heroin, Yeah, that's heroin.
Speaker 1: Boys and girls don't do it. Yeah, So I mean
Speaker 1: I think it's hard, like your in love with somebody,
Speaker 1: but if that person has to want to change, she
Speaker 1: has to want to stop doing heroin, and you like
Speaker 1: trying to kind of play god in like or you know,
Speaker 1: getting her imprisoned, or you know, sending her tons of money,
Speaker 1: like I don't think those are really thinks she needs
Speaker 1: medical help to get off a drug like heroin takes
Speaker 1: more than like TLC. You know, give her a hug
Speaker 1: and the pat on the back and she'll be all kay. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And especially and I think at this time, especially if
Speaker 1: she has children involved, Like as important as love is,
Speaker 1: sometimes there are other things in your life that you
Speaker 1: need to get situated, such as an addiction, um and
Speaker 1: certainly the welfare of your children before you start worrying
Speaker 1: about a relationship. And it's cool, And I think if
Speaker 1: you truly love her, the best thing that you can
Speaker 1: do for her is be a friend. Yeah, this time.
Speaker 1: As as much as it fun to make bitches wet,
Speaker 1: you know, sometimes what bitches need a friend. You know
Speaker 1: those at bitches need a friend. They do because it's
Speaker 1: it's got to be really hard and lonely and terrifying
Speaker 1: to go through an addiction. I don't I'm not speaking
Speaker 1: from experience, so if I'm wrong, let me know. But
Speaker 1: be supportive of her, and there for her, but also
Speaker 1: strict with her and just not back down on her
Speaker 1: needing to get help, because when she does, there's this amazing,
Speaker 1: beautiful life that awaits her and her family, her children
Speaker 1: and you. So yeah, hanging there that's really hard. And
Speaker 1: and thanks for writing. And hopefully I shall get clean
Speaker 1: so time and then your future and then we will
Speaker 1: see you. Yeah, and it'll all work out. And if
Speaker 1: it doesn't. Um, but I don't want to say that,
Speaker 1: because this girl sounds super special and you really like her,
Speaker 1: and I love I like, I love how much you
Speaker 1: like her. Yeah. Yeah, And it's not about I mean,
Speaker 1: it's like I love that your prison buggy had pictures
Speaker 1: of it. You just started jerking off and that's how
Speaker 1: you kind of met. Yeah. Cute, it's kind of cute.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. Yeah. So I mean, but yeah, be
Speaker 1: a friend. I think that's the most important part. Al Right, guys,
Speaker 1: we have an awesome episode of Guys we Fucked set
Speaker 1: up for you today. Um. It's something we'd be wanted
Speaker 1: to talk about for a while, and the topic of
Speaker 1: today's podcast is going to be plastic surgery. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: think people have very like intense feelings about plastic surgery,
Speaker 1: but I'm not sure most people even know a ton
Speaker 1: about plastic surgery. Did some research on the American Society
Speaker 1: of Plastic Surgeons, and since two thousand, overall procedures in
Speaker 1: plastic surgery have risen a hundred and fifth team per
Speaker 1: cent um. But the types of procedures patients are choosing
Speaker 1: are changing. And since yeah, every year it seems like, um,
Speaker 1: more and more people are getting a plastic surgery. Since
Speaker 1: two thousand, there's been considerable growth in breast lifts, buttockslifts,
Speaker 1: lower body lifts, and upper arm lifts. Um, and then
Speaker 1: all upper arm lifts. Yeah, of this thing, um, I
Speaker 1: think that's what it is. Yeah, And because like in
Speaker 1: the past, when people said I got plastic surgery, it
Speaker 1: used to almost exclusively refer to face lifts. But now
Speaker 1: it's so much more. I know. I'm sure on Instagram,
Speaker 1: you guys see a lot of people are getting like
Speaker 1: button plants and things like that. And that's because of
Speaker 1: beauty is such a constantly changing like standard like what
Speaker 1: we find beautiful. If you even look throughout the ages,
Speaker 1: it's just constantly changing. Um. Because you know, think of diet,
Speaker 1: because of celebrities, the people we look up to different
Speaker 1: things like that, um, and uh yeah. And also I
Speaker 1: read a great article all of about how the selfie
Speaker 1: has actually changed uh plastic surgery. So many more people
Speaker 1: are getting plastic surgery because they're looking at other people
Speaker 1: selfies that. Please always remember our fucking doctored, photoshopped, filtered, yeah,
Speaker 1: filtered to the max. Yeah. And then there and an
Speaker 1: angle's the best, it's the person's best angle. And that
Speaker 1: for that one selfie, there's a thousand other outtakes and
Speaker 1: that photo, yeah, I didn't see. And people feel ugly,
Speaker 1: so they get they get things done, especially like things
Speaker 1: with lips. Um. You know a lot of people are
Speaker 1: comparing themselves to like the Genders and the Kardashians number one.
Speaker 1: Those people are rich, so they have like the time
Speaker 1: and money to do that, and they know the best
Speaker 1: people in the world. Plastic surgery can be super dangerous
Speaker 1: because remember it's it is a surgery just because you
Speaker 1: are opting to have the surgery, and it's not like
Speaker 1: something that you need to save your life. It's still surgery.
Speaker 1: Still super dangerous and something you need to think about. Um.
Speaker 1: And then there's other things like that fall into the
Speaker 1: plastic surgery, but are not as an invasive their minimally
Speaker 1: invasive procedures like botox, soft tissue fillers, chemical feels, laser
Speaker 1: hair removal, and then even microderm abrasion. So technically I've
Speaker 1: had plastic surgery. Oh you're naught. Oh my god. Um.
Speaker 1: But yeah, So today we're gonna talk to two comics
Speaker 1: who are We're kind enough to be open about the
Speaker 1: plastic surgery procedures that they've gotten. I think it's really
Speaker 1: awesome when people are like, yeah, I bought I bought this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like who cares? Like you can own it, and yeah,
Speaker 1: that's great. And I think they have a lot of
Speaker 1: things that they can share with us about their experiences
Speaker 1: and we're so excited to talk to them today. Please
Speaker 1: welcome Sydney Washington and Madison Malloy. Yeah. Sometimes I'm thinking
Speaker 1: I'm cool with this ship. I've been around niggers, be
Speaker 1: thinking I'm new to this ship. Me and my bro
Speaker 1: stay in that basement just brewing this ship. He ends uplocked,
Speaker 1: and then he taught me what to do with the flip.
Speaker 1: He kept me fresh, bought me at Maxine, He brought
Speaker 1: me your bow. Kevin so round told me off top.
Speaker 1: Don't be something he's hold sucks on the trunk. Ryan
Speaker 1: too deep in at one ninety bins, make your own hip.
Speaker 1: Listen up, don't you be following trees? I felt like
Speaker 1: a stalled right on the plates. We right through the
Speaker 1: city city on the anway, calling for a hunter. But
Speaker 1: we're never Mandy. That was the ship felt like I
Speaker 1: came when we crossing the bridge, hustles made gee even
Speaker 1: back then we knew it was in. Hey, we're he
Speaker 1: was washing some by. Hello, scales are so cool and
Speaker 1: funny and funny. They're your both standup comedians. Yes we are. Um,
Speaker 1: you live in New York City. I live in Brooklyn.
Speaker 1: The same, not to say not the same at all.
Speaker 1: I want Yeah, what is different about Brookline? The J train? Yeah,
Speaker 1: terrible train, Like the homeless men give out business cards
Speaker 1: like that's how they're very professional. Okay, yeah, well yeah
Speaker 1: you seem to You seem to have a lot of
Speaker 1: traveling nightmares. Yeah, I just need to walk everywhere. That's good.
Speaker 1: It's a way to keep in shape. How long have
Speaker 1: you guys both lived in New York City in the
Speaker 1: area the Five boroughs? Eleven years? Yeah, can you get closer. Yeah,
Speaker 1: eleven years. I'm so we're like all pretty much New Yorkers.
Speaker 1: I think I'm the youngest New Yorker here the nine years. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and uh so this episodes about plastic surgery. So I
Speaker 1: don't know what you guys have done. You have to
Speaker 1: tell us. This is the first year. I got no
Speaker 1: idea we're gonna start. We just want to be open
Speaker 1: because why we we We know that you haven't done
Speaker 1: because you guys are pretty open about it, and I
Speaker 1: think that's awesome. Um. I think it's an interesting time
Speaker 1: because people feel these very intense feelings about plastic surgery
Speaker 1: without really knowing anything of people that it be bought
Speaker 1: in it or like, yeah, you should just be happy.
Speaker 1: I'm like, fucking you, don't shut up. You don't know. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm kind of on the podcast. We're always like, well,
Speaker 1: you should do whatever makes you feel good. And if
Speaker 1: there's something about your body that bothers you and then
Speaker 1: you want to make it better or make it more
Speaker 1: fitted to like your vision of yourself, I think that's
Speaker 1: totally fine. So just we thought maybe if we talk
Speaker 1: to some people who have some procedures done, people could
Speaker 1: understand it and be a little bit less judgment, just
Speaker 1: like everyone shut the funk up. That's what I've learned.
Speaker 1: Got something to say, you're right, you're right now. I
Speaker 1: just I don't want to hear people bitch about something
Speaker 1: they don't like. If you don't like it, fix care job,
Speaker 1: just fix it. I didn't like my tits, so fix those.
Speaker 1: You got your boobs done, so yeah, well s are
Speaker 1: you so breast? My augmentation super popular form of plastic surgery.
Speaker 1: When did you when? And what exactly did you get done? So?
Speaker 1: This was weird, per I will say that. Like the
Speaker 1: weird thing is they had this procedure where they put
Speaker 1: them through your belly button so you have no scar.
Speaker 1: Yes you did that. Yes, oh my god, my friend
Speaker 1: did that too. They look amazing. I don't like it
Speaker 1: as much though, because I don't have a lot of
Speaker 1: body fat on me. So okay, a little break, just
Speaker 1: a little bread that. Really you're super petite and adorable.
Speaker 1: The implant sometimes you can feel it, just like existing
Speaker 1: like just sometimes and what is that? What? So? How
Speaker 1: old are you? We got I can't feel, I'm like
Speaker 1: feel I can feel if I touch them, but you
Speaker 1: can feel the ridges of the bags sometimes. Okay, wait,
Speaker 1: is it not under the muscle? It is, it is,
Speaker 1: but that's how little breast did you? So I used
Speaker 1: to be to bound heavier and I was a bee cop,
Speaker 1: but in reality now I guess I would be an
Speaker 1: a cop. So I really you're just doing so well.
Speaker 1: Try like I lost weight, I got titties like I
Speaker 1: got a big man. The line, um, how old were
Speaker 1: you when you got it? Or when you want decided
Speaker 1: that you wanted to get boomed up? I mean I
Speaker 1: was always into care. I gotta take out a funny story.
Speaker 1: When I was in high school, there was this advertisement
Speaker 1: for a pill, like a vitamin pill you could take
Speaker 1: that would give you bigger boom. Yeah, I've I've heard.
Speaker 1: I heard that when I was I was like, I
Speaker 1: call bullshit, but I wanted it, and I was so
Speaker 1: disappointed when it did show up under the tree. You
Speaker 1: asked your parents were yes, I did you asked them
Speaker 1: for a boob bill? Yes? Were they like, oh my god, six.
Speaker 1: Maybe it gives you some sort of like inflames your
Speaker 1: body because it give you golden Brustol doesn't seem real
Speaker 1: like that lip stuff like has like cinnamon and just
Speaker 1: like basically inflames your lips temporarily to me curious, but
Speaker 1: it's like that's not you got plump bass lips for
Speaker 1: like a hot minute because your body is having a
Speaker 1: reaction to something. It's what you're allergic, Like, get this
Speaker 1: out of here. My mother said, you just need to
Speaker 1: massage them. She's like, you need to touch them every
Speaker 1: day and like massage, but I don't do anymore. I
Speaker 1: don't even massage mind. So it's like they're they're a
Speaker 1: little harder than I expected. But when I get them redone,
Speaker 1: I'll get a softer material. They're coming up with so
Speaker 1: many advanced Await, how long ago did you get them them? Um?
Speaker 1: Six years? Seven years ago? You got some time on them.
Speaker 1: You've got some miles. I do, because do you have
Speaker 1: to get them replaced? They say ten years? But I
Speaker 1: got friends that have them for like fifteen and they
Speaker 1: look fine. Wow. But see that makes me so upset
Speaker 1: because if I, like I was it painful? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's good to be good to be honest. I want
Speaker 1: people to know, like, I don't want to discourage people
Speaker 1: for getting it, but I want people to have like
Speaker 1: a realistic idea of what the processes. I did it
Speaker 1: twice too crazy. Yeah, I got sailine and then I
Speaker 1: got the gummy bear the cot and and so you
Speaker 1: got sailing the first time. And I'm super skinny, like
Speaker 1: you both are very head my bones, you know, and
Speaker 1: it just sailing is not good if you don't have
Speaker 1: enough like body fat. And how did you know they
Speaker 1: did they look weird? Did they feel weird enough? Just
Speaker 1: it just wasn't enough. I was like, wait a minute,
Speaker 1: and all his money and I just like it looked
Speaker 1: like I have a pusher braun. That's it. Like you
Speaker 1: want to feel like you got your money's worth. They
Speaker 1: were too small and you could see the ridges and everything.
Speaker 1: Did the same doctor did the second set of that
Speaker 1: he did and was he like, sorry, my bad, I
Speaker 1: will fix it. No, he was like, I'll fix it.
Speaker 1: I won't charge you for the full price. I'll just
Speaker 1: charge you for the implants and the surgery, which was
Speaker 1: like like a true Why did I think it was?
Speaker 1: It was Madison? How much like hundreds of thousands of dollars?
Speaker 1: I don't know the first the first time I got down, Okay,
Speaker 1: so that's what kind of my guess was eight grants
Speaker 1: so different doctors. I got a special mine was I
Speaker 1: think I got. I got taken to that thing. There's
Speaker 1: a dale first bit spend. Wait did you go in
Speaker 1: New York or well, the consultation was in Manhattan and
Speaker 1: then I ended up in some part of Brooklyn that
Speaker 1: was so far away made. But here's the thing. He
Speaker 1: was a great doctor. But here's the thing. We went
Speaker 1: all the way to sheep's head bed. I don't know
Speaker 1: if anyone knows that I've heard of it. Don't go
Speaker 1: sheet And it's funny. They go after the surgery. My
Speaker 1: friend came with me, he said after the surgery. Whole
Speaker 1: surgery thing. He was a great doctor. But it's like
Speaker 1: I walked into the procedure okay, and they were like, oh,
Speaker 1: just pull your pants down a little bit. My like pants,
Speaker 1: My pants were on the entire time, bitch, And it
Speaker 1: took you were on the operating table with your pants on. Yes,
Speaker 1: that was you as somebody's uncle's basement apartment. And he's
Speaker 1: like a very reputable doctor was his name. So it
Speaker 1: was so weird. Thing. And then they're like, we'll call
Speaker 1: you a car service. And I was like, yeah, but
Speaker 1: here's the thing. They sent a car and it was
Speaker 1: like from a church or something. Stop. It was a
Speaker 1: no shows in the churchman. So I'm bouncing the entire ways.
Speaker 1: One time when you need a buppy buckled up, it's
Speaker 1: after you got your breast same medicine. You got messes.
Speaker 1: I don't know what, but I'm happy I got him
Speaker 1: and you did you did you see your ad on
Speaker 1: the on the train like next doctor's is more? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was from a friend that got up done. It
Speaker 1: was a recommendation. She said, Oh he's the best. I
Speaker 1: mean she's done, He's done her second third one. I
Speaker 1: don't know how many shus had done now. Um, but
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do them again until I have kids,
Speaker 1: because I know that they'll suck the crap right off.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm like affect breastfeeding. I ain't got no kids,
Speaker 1: so I have no idea. But I heard that if
Speaker 1: you you know that some people are fine breastfeeding. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't think it would make a difference, And that's
Speaker 1: why they put it under the muscle technically. And what
Speaker 1: what was your thought process like before deciding to get
Speaker 1: the surgery, Like were you did you get bullied for
Speaker 1: having small tits or did you just really just want
Speaker 1: bigger tit or what? What's the thought process? I just
Speaker 1: wanted to feel like sexy, like a woman. I wanted
Speaker 1: to be curvacious, curvacious. I didn't have like a lot
Speaker 1: of ass or a lot of body or like I
Speaker 1: just felt like it wasn't enough. So I was like,
Speaker 1: if I get some titties, it'll fit into my American
Speaker 1: apparel dresses. Be complete. And do you after you've got titties,
Speaker 1: did you feel complete? Hell? No, That's why I got
Speaker 1: it done twice. I was like, this is and I
Speaker 1: still want to get them done. It's like crazy, but
Speaker 1: you have beautiful you both have beautiful breasts. Like you know,
Speaker 1: you don't have my life und anything exactly what I
Speaker 1: see what I've seen, like your pictures in the little dresses.
Speaker 1: Of course you got to put them up right, but
Speaker 1: like it's a lot of like tugging and pushing them
Speaker 1: into the middle and like getting a certain type of
Speaker 1: bra and like sitting up a certain way. You gotta
Speaker 1: have a different posture. It's just too much. Ship. I'm
Speaker 1: like ready to just be flatchested again. I developed lower
Speaker 1: back problems. I'm a good baby d now, Yeah, baby
Speaker 1: d because people, really that's a D and I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's what the BRA says, but I could be getting
Speaker 1: I'm a thirty two double dys So I just want
Speaker 1: to interesting interested. Like so, I think a lot of
Speaker 1: us who haven't had our thought process comes from the
Speaker 1: movies and the TV shows that we watched. So you know,
Speaker 1: we remember like Kim Cattrall going in on Sex in
Speaker 1: the City and like having someone like draw all over her.
Speaker 1: That's that's like kind of decision. What is that? So
Speaker 1: you go in and you start talking about the things
Speaker 1: that you don't like and they mark your actual What
Speaker 1: is that? What does that feel like emotionally to have
Speaker 1: your body marked up like that? I was like, well,
Speaker 1: this doctor is not a Picasso. I was like, the
Speaker 1: marks you like, they don't even look symmetrical at all. Right,
Speaker 1: he's drinking. Yeah, Well, I remember this chick when I
Speaker 1: went in for my consultation. This one chick had just
Speaker 1: had him done. She was just gorgeous, big boobs. Now
Speaker 1: she was just killing it. She literally like like I
Speaker 1: had I had the surgery done yesterday and I'm at work.
Speaker 1: They hired her. That was hired. That was definitely not
Speaker 1: real I say, I was not at work for the
Speaker 1: next four days. I was crying. I was like laid up.
Speaker 1: I was I need a chicken noodle soup every day, right,
Speaker 1: how many days was four days for you? How many
Speaker 1: days or five? I went back to work the next week.
Speaker 1: So and then when could you like touch your boobs? Like,
Speaker 1: could you do that right away? Because I'd be like,
Speaker 1: I think you have to. I used to found that
Speaker 1: and then they said you would massage him. And then
Speaker 1: when you'd go back, they were like, bang him against
Speaker 1: a wall. I'm not kidding into the wall. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I got taken for your doctor. You need to let
Speaker 1: this person is so we don't go to that. No,
Speaker 1: but here's what happened then. So in my in my building,
Speaker 1: if I had to bang my tits against up, then
Speaker 1: I'd be like, well, I'm taking an elevator right, So
Speaker 1: I'd slam my kids against the elevator wall. My dorman said,
Speaker 1: it's one of the greatest things he still has ever seen.
Speaker 1: How were you slamming man? Yeah, hard enough to make
Speaker 1: him not pop or yeah, I don't know, you had
Speaker 1: to just like bump him into the wall. It was
Speaker 1: was that the per because that's like what like what
Speaker 1: I give you what it is for a month, So
Speaker 1: for a month, so it's just to kind of like
Speaker 1: just in your body just to get soft. So they
Speaker 1: like you're not telling the truth at all, This is
Speaker 1: I swear. Yeah no, Sydney again, absolutely not a massage
Speaker 1: like under and on top and just push up push,
Speaker 1: like don't go like this, but push up, push because
Speaker 1: you just looking to move, yeah, but you don't want
Speaker 1: to suck up like the suitures or anything that's in it,
Speaker 1: so you just up down, up down and then like
Speaker 1: massage will make me a little bit underneath, and I
Speaker 1: mean they're not hard anymore, but they were hard for
Speaker 1: a minute. Did you guys notice did people look at
Speaker 1: you differently? Not after they not knowing you a plasic surgery,
Speaker 1: but just having bigger breasts? Like did that change? It
Speaker 1: would be a class like after you get titties, because
Speaker 1: even if you have breasts, you still act like the
Speaker 1: triple that you used to have your like you know
Speaker 1: me and like oh I don't know, I'll pay for
Speaker 1: my own drink like that. You know, you know you
Speaker 1: have an a cup doesn't mean that you listen, what
Speaker 1: are you talking? About it. I'm just I've done just
Speaker 1: fine this whole time. Chris's over your bank. Your ty
Speaker 1: was out here taking out my twenty like I got
Speaker 1: sucking as I'm like, Bet, I want to let the listeners.
Speaker 1: So I did file for bankruptcy based on my eight titties.
Speaker 1: You know, I do get free drinks a lot, but
Speaker 1: I have paid for some as well, and I have
Speaker 1: lots to play free drinks. That's my drinking. And you're
Speaker 1: an Internet section. But if you've got triple A titties,
Speaker 1: have your money red A or triple A smaller than double.
Speaker 1: I think they just throwed it in there so you
Speaker 1: could feel like you can. You're yeah, but it's so funny.
Speaker 1: Yeah I do. I I always call my breasts almost
Speaker 1: an a cup. But like I've seen your brother wonder. Yeah,
Speaker 1: oh that's right, I forgot you did see me naked.
Speaker 1: I always get naked so many Christina's Oh, well, I
Speaker 1: mean there was, yeah, there was two times. One one
Speaker 1: of the show and I meant to and then one
Speaker 1: when I oversett from my flight and woke up drunk
Speaker 1: and I had a pack of make it with Christina.
Speaker 1: Remember that post. Well, you know there was a plastic started.
Speaker 1: People have such strong opinions on like we're saying earlier
Speaker 1: and like one of my good friends had a couple
Speaker 1: of my good friends actually had nose jobs, and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, it was all well, I'd sinuses too,
Speaker 1: so right, and she wanted to know job. I was
Speaker 1: bowling and crazy story through the ball came back and
Speaker 1: into my face and here I am getting plast surgery.
Speaker 1: You know, I've heard everything. Joy face never has an incident. Never.
Speaker 1: I've never met anyone who had a beautiful face and
Speaker 1: then I had problems with their out right Yeah, I
Speaker 1: couldn't breathe through my nasal passages. Well, the only person
Speaker 1: who was Rose McGowan. Because everyone's like, why did she face?
Speaker 1: She was in a car accident, she almost died, and
Speaker 1: I'm causire like publicized that. More fucking dick heads. All
Speaker 1: these people are like, why did she just change her face?
Speaker 1: Like she almost fucking died, piece of ship. It looks
Speaker 1: like face reconstruction. It looks like it doesn't look like
Speaker 1: she got her face done right, because who would get
Speaker 1: their face done? She was beautiful, but no she what
Speaker 1: she is now? No she is now? I saw her
Speaker 1: and she's beautiful either way. I fixed it, fix it,
Speaker 1: take that out some of my friends. I did the
Speaker 1: surgery in this episode. Oh you guys and the puns.
Speaker 1: Uh No. But when I was in college and I
Speaker 1: was like, I just woman up. I don't right, And
Speaker 1: then um, my friend. A couple of my friends have
Speaker 1: nose jobs and one of them I went to a
Speaker 1: graduation party and I saw a picture of her job
Speaker 1: and I was like, yeah, I get that. You look
Speaker 1: way you look. She's a beautiful girl. And I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's just interesting that everyone has an opinion on it.
Speaker 1: Who hasn't had it. But you have that annoyal you
Speaker 1: have to feel beautiful inside though one knowing how to
Speaker 1: act when you have them. It's just you have to
Speaker 1: know the psycho psychology psychology that goes into plastic surgery.
Speaker 1: You change, It alters you as a person, and you
Speaker 1: have to be ready for that. You have to be
Speaker 1: ready for like, I have titties now, so I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be the same person, but kind of not. You're kind
Speaker 1: of what's the difference. Oh, this brings up a good point.
Speaker 1: I forgot about this. When I was going through the consultation.
Speaker 1: I was brought into the office and he said, do
Speaker 1: you have a SIGNI figure and other said no, I'm single.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like, well they say when people are
Speaker 1: married or in a relationship, they need to make sure
Speaker 1: that they're doing it because they want to and not
Speaker 1: because the boyfriend wants. I got a funny astory when
Speaker 1: I got them done. I was in a relationship and
Speaker 1: the dude was like, you know, I like you, Louay
Speaker 1: you why I really you don't need to do this.
Speaker 1: And I was like, you think I'm doing this for
Speaker 1: you. You You have spending that all my money that paid
Speaker 1: for all my own for you. This is for the
Speaker 1: next person. Like I'm just trying to get out of here.
Speaker 1: I get myself. I take it out of the sula
Speaker 1: chip once like at these I'm out, we get away.
Speaker 1: Hey better so by And he didn't even take care
Speaker 1: of me right. I was like, you know what, like
Speaker 1: after your surgery. Yeah, he wasn't like the first the
Speaker 1: first time my friend to care of me and she
Speaker 1: made me chicken noodle soup. I stayed at her house,
Speaker 1: stayed on her couch, she made me food every day.
Speaker 1: Him he was like, oh yeah, he didn't want to
Speaker 1: take him for a test drift. He said, You're gonna
Speaker 1: hurt you because I was in so much pain. He's like,
Speaker 1: this doesn't feel sexy. Yeah, do do when you have
Speaker 1: a breast shop? Do when you get implants? Do they all?
Speaker 1: Do they sag over time? Or do that? Does that
Speaker 1: not ever happen? Because gravit so that she would do
Speaker 1: like a U slip for that, because you had to
Speaker 1: take care of yourself. There was a moment because I
Speaker 1: have I had double D and I went down to
Speaker 1: D and I was very happy. But I've had double
Speaker 1: D since I was sucking fifteen, and I hated it,
Speaker 1: and I feel bad. You got a woman over here
Speaker 1: that's like, you know, I know, I know where you
Speaker 1: at bad saying that, but like I would get like
Speaker 1: the fucking my dad's not my dad's friends, but like
Speaker 1: people my dad's age would think I'm a grown ass
Speaker 1: woman and I'm like, no, I still want barbies. That's
Speaker 1: common because breast reduction is more common than breasts implants. Yeah,
Speaker 1: production is one of the most common. But there was
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, I know everyone's crazy, and I was like, wait, what,
Speaker 1: I don't know. A bunch of people got breast reductions
Speaker 1: for back problems. Yeah, just like also, like my one
Speaker 1: friend was like I was very skinny, and they were
Speaker 1: like it just didn't make sense. So but anyway, there
Speaker 1: was a moment where Stephen got the iPhone that came out,
Speaker 1: the first iPhone that had the slow moo in the camera,
Speaker 1: and I was like, take a big your I did,
Speaker 1: and I lifted up my shirt and I like jiggled
Speaker 1: them and this was probably not maybe like a year ago.
Speaker 1: And then I watched it and I was like, oh no,
Speaker 1: like they were just like bags of skin, and now
Speaker 1: I'm noticing the beginning the sag and I'm like video
Speaker 1: that will like skin was like, damn, that was disappointing,
Speaker 1: but whatever. I mean, it was shaking them around. But
Speaker 1: I'm a breast connoisseur. I think if you just like,
Speaker 1: let me see like ten seconds. But I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I think a breast lift is something that I would
Speaker 1: do in my life. Yeah, well, I mean that's also
Speaker 1: I think people lifting is different. I think people have
Speaker 1: a different feeling about lifting because lifting feels like it's
Speaker 1: like your own body, which you're ajusting it, you know,
Speaker 1: but that's somebody trying to make somebody else feel bad.
Speaker 1: About wanting to feel of course, so I don't agree.
Speaker 1: Do you guys get that? Do you ever get that
Speaker 1: from friends or fly or anybody that's like, why would
Speaker 1: you do that? Like your parent? That? I mean, I
Speaker 1: think there's four chicks in my family that have fake titts.
Speaker 1: Everyone's like, yeah, join the clubbily. Yeah that was the
Speaker 1: initiation into your family. My mom doesn't surprisingly, but all
Speaker 1: my cousins is that you like saying she should she
Speaker 1: she's small. Um, but she's no, she's she's absolutely beautiful.
Speaker 1: And you know, but here's the thing. You just gotta
Speaker 1: feel beautiful about you. You know, there's trust me. Are
Speaker 1: there are other things that I kind of have, you know,
Speaker 1: lined up that I'd love to do when I had
Speaker 1: limited money. It's not really augmenting my body, but you
Speaker 1: know doing laser um, you know things like and stuff. Well, yes,
Speaker 1: that and then I just laser for your skin just
Speaker 1: to yeah, therapy, that's where I should the therapy like
Speaker 1: get mind right and then getting some titties because right
Speaker 1: I han't titties and then be sucked up. Here was
Speaker 1: just like this is they don't go that's not a
Speaker 1: good parent. Yeah at all? Is your mind. Would you
Speaker 1: say your mind is right now? Like you feel beautiful
Speaker 1: and you feel I mean, I guess I'm a lesbian now,
Speaker 1: so it's all different. It's a different world. You're both
Speaker 1: beautiful women, like you're like to a stranger, they'd be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you see HD cameras and you're like, what the funk?
Speaker 1: Like really? Yeah, HD cameras. It's like flawless skin, terrible
Speaker 1: around why they did it. It's great for the viewers
Speaker 1: because they can sit at home and be like, she sucks.
Speaker 1: That's what. It's not good for the person behind the
Speaker 1: camera doing the word some turd fucking made. HD was like, oh,
Speaker 1: this will make the movie better. It's like women feel worse. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's terrible. Everybody crevice, every crack, everything. You're like, wait,
Speaker 1: is my head lopside it? Like it's just do you
Speaker 1: think I mean? Wouldn't it be a great effect? Could
Speaker 1: just change the stereotype of beautiful to old, maybe a
Speaker 1: little chunkier, so we could eat what we want and
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, beauty is only in the
Speaker 1: perception of our eyes and what we've been things have
Speaker 1: been thrown down our throat to perceive is what is
Speaker 1: beautiful women, and that's what fucking drives mony the more
Speaker 1: shitty they can look, and it's bullshit, I love him,
Speaker 1: which they are. It's like the fatter and balder and
Speaker 1: more protruding, and I love him Steve bush Emmy, but
Speaker 1: Steve bush Emmy, yeah, oh my god, yeah face it
Speaker 1: faces only because I got a chance, And no he's
Speaker 1: not really Then when he sits under certain lighting, you're like,
Speaker 1: there are so many actor really old. I mean, but
Speaker 1: here's the thing you have to be in acting. When
Speaker 1: I'm heart you have to be relatable. That's the new word.
Speaker 1: There are women only relatable when we're hot. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: I don't like Tomorrogot Robbie at all or a kid
Speaker 1: out like like I love looking at that, but like that,
Speaker 1: but I think it's probably like I can't relate because
Speaker 1: she's like seems like a regular girl because look at
Speaker 1: her with her in that she's like chewing with her
Speaker 1: mouth away. She's still like the hottest version of me
Speaker 1: when they like throw like a beautiful girl, like oh
Speaker 1: she's doing regular things like going to the grocery store.
Speaker 1: She's just like no, that nothing like nothing, that's like
Speaker 1: I'm such a nerd. I'm like, shut up, but there
Speaker 1: are women at home yelling at you. Well, yeah, because
Speaker 1: more people who are more regular. It's like a Lena
Speaker 1: Dunn or an Amy Schumer who are constantly getting told
Speaker 1: that and fat, So, what do you want? What do
Speaker 1: you want to do? What do you want? I think
Speaker 1: that's where it's like you have to figure out what
Speaker 1: you what you value, because yeah, you say Amy Schumer
Speaker 1: and Lena dumb and done and whatever. They don't look good,
Speaker 1: but they are super successful and they're doing well. And
Speaker 1: if Amy really wanted to, like really really wanted to,
Speaker 1: she could get that body even tighter than what it are. However,
Speaker 1: more if she doesn't, yeah, because there's other things at
Speaker 1: her time. She's busy, like fucking writing books and doing
Speaker 1: a TV show. When I met Amy Schumer before she
Speaker 1: was Amy Schumer, Amy Schumer had a fucking six pack,
Speaker 1: Amy Schumer, and Schumer was senior. When I heard yea
Speaker 1: Amy Schumer. When I was in college, Amy Schumer was
Speaker 1: sucking jacked. Well, she's also privileged. She's privileged, like she's
Speaker 1: in a place of power. She could do whatever the
Speaker 1: hell she wants. She's had like a regular chick, like
Speaker 1: me trying to come up in comedy where you're like, okay,
Speaker 1: like I gotta be really funny. I gotta make sure
Speaker 1: my skin is really clear. I gotta make sure everything
Speaker 1: is perfect. It's like when you already have all the outlets,
Speaker 1: you could do whatever the hell you want. You own
Speaker 1: your own production company, you can write books, you're touring everywhere.
Speaker 1: You don't have to look good. You're going to be
Speaker 1: on the cover because how many people are following you.
Speaker 1: Everybody loves you. You could do whatever. Here's another thing too,
Speaker 1: that I think is really important. The one thing that
Speaker 1: I've noticed with really successful people, especially successful female comedians
Speaker 1: especially is the one thing that I that they really
Speaker 1: have in common is their confidence. And Amy Schumer and
Speaker 1: Lena Dunham in their eyes, there are a fifteen and
Speaker 1: that's what I love too. And it's like, if I
Speaker 1: could only have Amy Schumer's confidence behind my fake tits,
Speaker 1: I'm going this. This ship is going on there. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. It's amazing. That's the most amazing thing.
Speaker 1: And you can't buy that ship and not buy it.
Speaker 1: That's that kind of sexy that comes with really loving
Speaker 1: yourself and digging yourself what you're doing. I'm gonna be
Speaker 1: the oddball person over here and be like again, they
Speaker 1: come from like privilege, like they come from well and
Speaker 1: was other like a woman that's regular, just a regular
Speaker 1: woman walking the streets that we see every day. May
Speaker 1: be some of your followers, maybe people that you know
Speaker 1: at work. Those are not your typical people that are
Speaker 1: like out here doing their dreams every day. They are
Speaker 1: already five steps ah of everybody. Yeah, but I mean
Speaker 1: I have friends that are that are in you know,
Speaker 1: I don't want to say regular because I don't want
Speaker 1: to use that as a negative thing, but like I
Speaker 1: don't think regular good career jobs, like a regular job,
Speaker 1: a regular job turned into the job who have a
Speaker 1: lot of you know, who have good amounts of money,
Speaker 1: can but they don't. They have no interest in any
Speaker 1: of that stuff, which to me is interesting because I'd
Speaker 1: be like, oh, if i'd get facials more often and
Speaker 1: you know, like I would do more. They don't need it.
Speaker 1: But I'm saying that that's what I but that that's
Speaker 1: where I stand. That's different. So you just gotta do you.
Speaker 1: But I think that's a problem when people who are
Speaker 1: doing like working at CVS or just doing regular bottle
Speaker 1: girl waitresses jobs. But like I gotta get all this
Speaker 1: ship fixed. It's like, but you're not really in the
Speaker 1: eye of the camera, like you're not really doing the
Speaker 1: things that people would be scrutinizing or you're you're dealing
Speaker 1: with average people. They're doing it to feel sex like
Speaker 1: they want to feel sexy. What you say, But I mean,
Speaker 1: if you if you're not a mob old, then you
Speaker 1: don't need to look like a medal if you're not.
Speaker 1: I just think that everyone is trying to fit into
Speaker 1: this body type. But it's like, if that's not your work,
Speaker 1: why wouldn't be a size zero and you work and
Speaker 1: it has to be a post office. I don't get it.
Speaker 1: It must be be, though, because it's just that is
Speaker 1: the image that's thrown in our face all the time,
Speaker 1: like every time we turn on the TV. And it's like,
Speaker 1: that's why I do like Amy Schumer and Lena Dunam
Speaker 1: because it's like, thank God, like I hate just seeing
Speaker 1: one type of person. No, I'm just saying it's it's
Speaker 1: because we were talking about like regular people. But and
Speaker 1: I certainly I certainly did not grow up in privilege.
Speaker 1: I'm middle classes again, it's like I wasn't poor, but
Speaker 1: I was super super middle class. Just had exactly what
Speaker 1: I needed, not really much more. Things were fine but
Speaker 1: not great. Um, And I always had like a lot
Speaker 1: of self confidence. I always had, and I feel like
Speaker 1: own now that I am like somewhat in the public
Speaker 1: eye is at the time in my life I felt
Speaker 1: the worst about the worst about myself, like easily people
Speaker 1: are asking. So it's yeah, so it's interesting. So I
Speaker 1: don't know the comments that people write underneath your stuff,
Speaker 1: but all I see is like the positive stuff that's
Speaker 1: positive is on Facebook, because face, because our friends and
Speaker 1: a sort of people who know Instagram and Twitter. Instagram
Speaker 1: Instagram is a fucking nightmare. You can't post anything about
Speaker 1: Hillary well, I mean, but beside, even even when it
Speaker 1: is positive. So you know, not even that we're like
Speaker 1: doing so much great stuff, but we're doing some stuff
Speaker 1: that I think is beyond fucking Look, oh it's great.
Speaker 1: It's I don't don't say good. Yeah, I don't want
Speaker 1: to make you seem like one of the three. Keep
Speaker 1: keeping it was actually a real big yeah, keep it,
Speaker 1: but yeah, And then you read the comments and whether
Speaker 1: they're good or whether they're bad, Like so much of
Speaker 1: the comments are about like and I know it's a picture,
Speaker 1: so I know it is about what like you're you're
Speaker 1: saying the aesthetic to people, but like, you know, I
Speaker 1: think of all the work I've done, all the jokes
Speaker 1: I've written, all the fucking sleepless nights I've spent to
Speaker 1: get here, and then we're gonna spend a paragraph talking
Speaker 1: about my lipstick color. It just really makes me lose
Speaker 1: faith in people. And I think a lot of times
Speaker 1: it's women who were most guilty of it, Like even
Speaker 1: women who like say that they are fans of ours
Speaker 1: will be the most critical. And certainly we're critical of
Speaker 1: each Did someone say about ship someone sets upon someone, well,
Speaker 1: someone goes someone was just like, oh, well you're not
Speaker 1: as pretty as I thought you would be, Like what what?
Speaker 1: I even I don't even know what that kinds because like,
Speaker 1: first all, why would you type that first post? Like
Speaker 1: it just doesn't make any sense, It's not like but
Speaker 1: that's also like, doesn't also mean that we're looking for
Speaker 1: a compliment fast, because that's just like, well, I'm so glad,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry if I post something bad, like something just
Speaker 1: dope where I'm like oh my god, the compliments, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: well when you guys are like when you were at
Speaker 1: the Ted Talk when you're don't you know when you
Speaker 1: post that show, Yeah, everybody better be right and nothing
Speaker 1: but accomplishment, which all looks cute. I felt cute, looks
Speaker 1: very cute. I was like, that wasn't really I wasn't
Speaker 1: really going for cute. I'm saying I was going for
Speaker 1: Ted Talk, but yeah, no, I mean, but just like that,
Speaker 1: that's that was like, I look like I kind of
Speaker 1: just think we decide what we're gonna wear like that morning, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I look like I was a server at like up class,
Speaker 1: like damn person, but not in the video y'all looked great.
Speaker 1: This is the thing. I feel like we're just constantly
Speaker 1: distracted by like bikes, by looks. Yeah, and it just
Speaker 1: like it doesn't even like I think when we like
Speaker 1: see a little girl or something like, our first thing
Speaker 1: to say to a young a young girl is like
Speaker 1: something about either I like your dress or you're so
Speaker 1: pretty or what a cute had been like, And it's
Speaker 1: just and I have been trying to train myself to
Speaker 1: not do that, you know, even sometimes when we do
Speaker 1: the podcast live and people will come up on stage
Speaker 1: from the first things that we're being oh the cute shoes, like, no,
Speaker 1: stop what that's not that's not that's not giving anything
Speaker 1: to end. Then at the same time, like sometimes you
Speaker 1: do see these shoes that are like inspirational works of
Speaker 1: art and you're like, those are the fucking amazing shop.
Speaker 1: I'm torn about it. I'm torn because people. No, No,
Speaker 1: I'm storn because women need to hear positive reinforment. But
Speaker 1: because people are so blah and they just repeat the
Speaker 1: ship over and over, it sounds not sincere. But I
Speaker 1: do believe in uplifting women left and right. Like, if
Speaker 1: you see something attractive or awesome and it's pointed out,
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with saying, hey, I like your eyebrows, Christina,
Speaker 1: you don't like grade And really it does sound like, oh,
Speaker 1: all we're doing is complimenting on their looks, because that's
Speaker 1: the first thing. I don't know you, But if I
Speaker 1: know you, then we're going to compliment you on your work, yeah,
Speaker 1: and on your soul. Yeah. I'm saying that to people.
Speaker 1: I'm to be like, I really loved your inner beautiful,
Speaker 1: and you can tell what someone means that means that
Speaker 1: genuinely and you're like, yeah, I like that that kind
Speaker 1: of feels. He used to say that to me. People
Speaker 1: used to say that to me. I liked your energy,
Speaker 1: but I was on Molly, so it was a drug thing.
Speaker 1: Like I used to like have a fear. Though it's
Speaker 1: so stupid. I feel dumb saying it. But up until
Speaker 1: I met Steven, I was like, I needed to be
Speaker 1: the prettiest person that my current boyfriend has ever dated.
Speaker 1: It's so stupid. And then when I met Steve and
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not, oh, and I hated you
Speaker 1: really think that? Really? I mean not anymore. It's it's
Speaker 1: it's gone somewhere in the middle because I like them
Speaker 1: to know that, like they could be better. But my
Speaker 1: personality really drove it home. And so I got like
Speaker 1: the best situation you really, really the partiest one that
Speaker 1: he did that. I'm like, oh, I could probably guess
Speaker 1: someone better. Maybe I tapped out, maybe I give up
Speaker 1: myself to her kind of how I'm at it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: You know, what's the crazy thing is that everybody wants
Speaker 1: to be beautiful. Everyone has to be skinny. But you
Speaker 1: see these skinny beautiful bitches have all the press. So
Speaker 1: it's like, why are we doing so are skinny beautiful bitches?
Speaker 1: Do you have all the problems? Well, I am not
Speaker 1: married and I have kids. I mean I'm working. Do
Speaker 1: you need that though? I mean kids, but not right now.
Speaker 1: But like, you know, I've done a lot of in
Speaker 1: our work this year, and I feel the happiest I've
Speaker 1: ever felt. But yeah, I did have a lot of
Speaker 1: issues before, not a lot, but like I felt very
Speaker 1: in secure and something. You know, I've been really working
Speaker 1: on that now, Like I stopped wearing makeup on stage,
Speaker 1: just different things, like I just didn't give a shit about.
Speaker 1: And then, um, the thing that I think I am
Speaker 1: still trying to wrap my head around and except and
Speaker 1: be okay with is the fact that we're getting older
Speaker 1: and kind cared for. It's a little heartbreaking, but also
Speaker 1: it seems to me the older you get, the better
Speaker 1: you get, Like, oh, I love life so much more now.
Speaker 1: Your mindset improves, and you're just I would not get
Speaker 1: more chilled out. I don't give a damn if I
Speaker 1: love life. I'm like, yo, make sure I don't get
Speaker 1: these creases, please, I don't want no more bad for that.
Speaker 1: Just sniff those right, shoot them right up. I got
Speaker 1: a facial This is great. You got a facial. A facialists,
Speaker 1: I know. Don't you wish semen was good for your
Speaker 1: skin out. That's what they tell you, so that they
Speaker 1: can on your face. And you're like, no, of course
Speaker 1: it's not true. I mean that'd be crazy. I wish
Speaker 1: it was that. Are you kidding me? And be bathing
Speaker 1: and jes all day I have a homeless man on
Speaker 1: the cornerges and on my face. But I understand, I
Speaker 1: really like it's been It's crazy. I forgot to ask,
Speaker 1: did you guys ever think about getting plastic surgery? I
Speaker 1: want the yeah, the boo lift, the boolift. And when
Speaker 1: I was in high school, I wanted to get a
Speaker 1: nose job wait till you because I wanted a little
Speaker 1: button nose. I like my nose now and yeah, I
Speaker 1: love my nose. But I don't know why, but I
Speaker 1: told people I wanted a little button knows I want
Speaker 1: to get thank you well, but I mean I don't
Speaker 1: really know. But I was just like, and I didn't
Speaker 1: want I wasn't gonna get a breast production because I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't like them, but everyone else likes them.
Speaker 1: So I guess, did you really feel terrible about your breast? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I felt because I don't like I'm the kind of
Speaker 1: person like when I was younger, I did not want
Speaker 1: to be looked at a sexy at all. But when
Speaker 1: your I was so much scrawnier, like I was really thin,
Speaker 1: and then I had these big boobs, people like that's
Speaker 1: all fucking middle school boys talked about. It was off.
Speaker 1: Don't you remember the girl with talked at me right
Speaker 1: like that was you didn't have that girl? Everyone sunk
Speaker 1: up about my tits and my nickname was Bigde's McGee,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't stop sucking focusing on
Speaker 1: my boobs. And then when I would wear baggy stuff,
Speaker 1: they'd be like, why aren't you showing them off? I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, stop telling me what to do. Okay me,
Speaker 1: but if you just thought about in a long run,
Speaker 1: you're like, man, all the drinks. I'm don't get now
Speaker 1: why you're like it thumbs up. When I moved here,
Speaker 1: like you know, when I got out of college and stuff,
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, well I'll just tell you if
Speaker 1: it makes you feel any better, Like I know, I mean,
Speaker 1: I never got vollied for being flat chested, except for
Speaker 1: by my brother. But I mean he nicknamed me Kansas
Speaker 1: because you're as flat as the Kansas planes. That was
Speaker 1: my nickname. Thanks brothers. Because he was an asshole. It's
Speaker 1: like an art. Yeah. I was like, seriously, Well, that's
Speaker 1: where it's so interesting to me, because it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: you you're if you as a flat as a person,
Speaker 1: you always are kind of like waiting to be made
Speaker 1: fun of, and like I've never been made fun of.
Speaker 1: I don't see you as a flatchesters person. You're not
Speaker 1: a flatchester staring at your right now. Yeah. But also
Speaker 1: even if I was like it doesn't, like why does
Speaker 1: that matter? And like why does? And I mean it's
Speaker 1: interesting now because like now it's like the chicest thing
Speaker 1: is to have like a big old butt, so people
Speaker 1: have button plants and you're like, why it like that
Speaker 1: I'm not doing Yeah, So, but I just don't understand.
Speaker 1: I don't know I'm gonna go to your doctor with
Speaker 1: the church man if he got any deals going on
Speaker 1: over your shirt on for the but I bet you
Speaker 1: I'm gonna wear a turtle back and you can't have
Speaker 1: to expose your breast a sleeveless turtle that also sounds
Speaker 1: so painful to have to sit on and plants. God,
Speaker 1: I don't think you do. I think you have to
Speaker 1: probably not send her several days. Yeah, I lay it,
Speaker 1: lay down and squat, Like what what do you do?
Speaker 1: Because you can't sit right on them? I would imagine,
Speaker 1: did Kim kardashian't have acid? Planswer? I don't. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm sure I say yes. This is This is also
Speaker 1: the internal like weird moral thing with plastic surgery. Like okay,
Speaker 1: so say say Kim Kardashian is all say she's all fake.
Speaker 1: I have no idea, but um, then everyone's aspiring to
Speaker 1: look like her, but then they don't necessarily know she
Speaker 1: got plastic surgery. So that's It's the same thing with
Speaker 1: magazines fucking doing post work on all the photos of
Speaker 1: the models, Like you are literally creating images of unattainable beauty,
Speaker 1: and that's fucked up. Like I think that is so
Speaker 1: fucked up. I I now a is a grown woman.
Speaker 1: Look at some of these Instagram chicks and they're like
Speaker 1: they're fun to look at, But I'm like, that's not
Speaker 1: You can't unless you were born with that, like great,
Speaker 1: but also that's not something that you can just work
Speaker 1: out or eat certain things. It's sick. It's sick what
Speaker 1: they want you to do. They want you to like
Speaker 1: look at a woman and be like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: she's beautiful. Oh she can't be that beautiful and she
Speaker 1: can't be that beautiful. She she's a fake ass bitch.
Speaker 1: Oh but everything in her life is going well, she
Speaker 1: can't be that. Like, so whenever she was failing in relationships,
Speaker 1: people were kind of like happy because they're like, look
Speaker 1: at her, She's so beautiful. She's got all his money,
Speaker 1: she's got this family. I hope she doesn't be happy.
Speaker 1: They just don't want her to be happy, and it's
Speaker 1: sucking anyone matter. I've waited on her. Probably Actually, yeah,
Speaker 1: she's really small. She's not. She's very sure. I told
Speaker 1: Jimmy Faylor once that she and he's five two or
Speaker 1: five and I told her that and he was like heartbroken. Chloe.
Speaker 1: Chloe is real like big, not big, but tall. She's tall.
Speaker 1: She could she's taller than everybody. Yeah, out of the
Speaker 1: I like, I don't have a problem with any of them.
Speaker 1: And I think it's not funny when people do because
Speaker 1: it's like, we'll stop watching them, like un following the
Speaker 1: mon instagram that they piss you off so much people
Speaker 1: killed me. They're like, oh, they don't do anything. Obviously,
Speaker 1: you are doing something hard, doing something. You can't have
Speaker 1: a multimillion dollar business like that or billion dollar business
Speaker 1: like that would out put in some kind of work.
Speaker 1: And it's all thanks to so many fucking people giving
Speaker 1: a shit about her physicality. Why she still got damn rich.
Speaker 1: It'd be over, you know. But I also think it's
Speaker 1: interesting because Kim is like kind of arguably like the
Speaker 1: best looking at the sisters, but Chloe is everyone's favorite
Speaker 1: because she's the most fun and the real thrush sang.
Speaker 1: So then in a family that is quote unquote plagued
Speaker 1: by plastic surgery, we still like the one with the
Speaker 1: best personality the most. So isn't dying isn't one like yeah,
Speaker 1: I know if you've ever heard him talk. She's real born,
Speaker 1: real boring, very beautiful, very boring. But we liked We
Speaker 1: liked Courtney because she was kind of like whatever, whatever
Speaker 1: the hit one hit and now she's doing so much work.
Speaker 1: You're like, Courtney, I see what you're doing. I mean Chloe.
Speaker 1: I see what you're doing. I see the work that
Speaker 1: you're trying to get there, but I still see the
Speaker 1: old Chloe there. I don't know. It's very strange. It's
Speaker 1: pretty hot, she's got real hot. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think she's pretty hot. I don't like that. I
Speaker 1: don't like the work that she's doing. It's like be
Speaker 1: be out to be like this perfect version of an
Speaker 1: unattainable body. Sure like they all have like they all
Speaker 1: have a ship ton of money, and at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, it was just sucking annoying to be like,
Speaker 1: why is everyone paying attention to Kim did not hear
Speaker 1: the joke I just told because it's probably annoying for her.
Speaker 1: And then the one in the middle of Courtney, she's
Speaker 1: just being she's the oldest. She's the oldest. She's just
Speaker 1: didn't know. Kim's the middle one. I just got babies
Speaker 1: left and right. She's the baby. Do you guys want babies? Um?
Speaker 1: I think so. But again I'm not going to stress
Speaker 1: about it. No, I do want kids in this world's
Speaker 1: right now today, well in years to con that's going
Speaker 1: on right now. Damn kids, you gotta I gotta explain
Speaker 1: it to myself and them. That's a lot I'm explaining
Speaker 1: to do. I think I did. I so I wanted
Speaker 1: to have kids right after my nieces were born. That's
Speaker 1: when I really fell in love with like the kid
Speaker 1: I expect one of my favorite things to do. Literally,
Speaker 1: this is how boring. That's not boring at all. But
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, my most excuse the most joy to
Speaker 1: face time FaceTime. You're going to say, yeah, well, I
Speaker 1: was just talking about it. I was at the shot
Speaker 1: of the shore hoouse with him, and I'm like, he's
Speaker 1: older now, so he's a year and a half and
Speaker 1: I was like running, chasing him and tickling him on
Speaker 1: the ground and he was just on the ground like
Speaker 1: this sounds awful. It wasn't my kids, so that was
Speaker 1: part of the joy. It was so but it was
Speaker 1: just like kid laughter. I don't want to have kids.
Speaker 1: But then that whole thing of age, age does I
Speaker 1: think I'm pretty I am very happy with myself, with
Speaker 1: how I look, with every little flaw and not flaw
Speaker 1: and whatever. The fuck. Age is a little scary just
Speaker 1: because I do want kids, but I don't want to
Speaker 1: have kids in lot like forty five Janet Jackson. My
Speaker 1: sister in law had kids at forty four and forty five.
Speaker 1: She did, so it is possible. That's good. But so
Speaker 1: it is just in general because it's possible to do it. Like,
Speaker 1: I'm tired. I'm tired right now. I'm gonna do it
Speaker 1: when I can afford a nanny. I'm not running around
Speaker 1: trying to play ball with no kid. I'm not. I
Speaker 1: can't get an iPad. I don't even have it. I
Speaker 1: have it with my girlfriend. There won't be a man there,
Speaker 1: so it will be us, like doing the dude stuff
Speaker 1: and the other stuff. So it's just that. That's another
Speaker 1: thing I want to ask you. Particularly, so you dated
Speaker 1: men and now you do you identify as a lesbian
Speaker 1: or you identifies bisexual or do you just not give
Speaker 1: a ship. I'm just here, You're just what I'm breathing.
Speaker 1: I'm alive, love it, no diseases. Do women make you
Speaker 1: feel sexier in a different way than men make you
Speaker 1: feel sexy when you're with them sexually? You know, as
Speaker 1: being a sober person, I don't even know what sexy
Speaker 1: is anymore. Yeah, because I feel like when I was
Speaker 1: drunk and high, like the feeling that I felt about myself.
Speaker 1: The way I touched myself was so different. Now it's
Speaker 1: like it's there, I see it. Okay, cool, it's all there.
Speaker 1: It's working or not, Like I'm not so involved as
Speaker 1: I was before. Interesting when you like that or do you, um,
Speaker 1: it seems like a spark was lost, but also you're
Speaker 1: so it feels like it's okay. But then you see
Speaker 1: everybody like talking about sex and being about sex and
Speaker 1: embodying this whole sex thing, and I'm just like I
Speaker 1: could be without it. I'm not really, I mean do
Speaker 1: it every day. Yeah, I masturbate a lot, but sexum. Yeah,
Speaker 1: It's like I feel like when women talk about what's
Speaker 1: sexy is completely different from like a man and what
Speaker 1: he thinks of sex sexy is like he wants you
Speaker 1: wide open, busted open for me, like just have your
Speaker 1: legs wide open, mad fishnet like heels that are crazy high,
Speaker 1: and a woman is more like a silhouette, like you
Speaker 1: could have a nice black dress on and be super
Speaker 1: sexy and where your hair is a certain way, where
Speaker 1: a different lipstick and like that's sexy. You know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: That's why the one thing I would always imagine about
Speaker 1: being with a woman, Like dating a woman, it's just
Speaker 1: like you. They get what you go through and they
Speaker 1: understand and they appreciate women more. The one the last
Speaker 1: three way I had the girl who she was buying,
Speaker 1: did you say? And she said, guy, you know it's
Speaker 1: like six months ago, but the girl is like making
Speaker 1: a woman come is so much more rewarding as a
Speaker 1: woman because you know exactly what that feels like. So
Speaker 1: that I'm like, that's a different level of sexy that
Speaker 1: I didn't even think about. And I was like, good
Speaker 1: fucking point. And then when when I did, when it happened,
Speaker 1: I was like, shit, you're right. So that's why I
Speaker 1: was curious if like the date of dating a woman,
Speaker 1: you just feel sexier because of that, like you're also
Speaker 1: a woman and you get it. Like men and women
Speaker 1: can relate to each other in so many ways, but
Speaker 1: like women get it, get what being a woman is
Speaker 1: because it's so much more complicated, and men understand three
Speaker 1: steches okay and three Some women hook up more than
Speaker 1: like always. They're like, was it with your boyfriend? Okay?
Speaker 1: Did you find her on like Instagram? On? Actually I did? Yeah, thrender,
Speaker 1: I'm just calling something else. I haven't been on it
Speaker 1: so long, which makes me so awesome. So it's just
Speaker 1: a one night. Do do you take her to dinner?
Speaker 1: We did, We took We took her on a date.
Speaker 1: You better take her on a date. Took on a date,
Speaker 1: and then the next time we met, we took her
Speaker 1: on another date and then sucked. Oh so this was
Speaker 1: like three you win three recorded her. Yeah, you call
Speaker 1: her back? Yeah, I mean she's wonderful. That's how you
Speaker 1: do it three times like a dude. Yeah, Like it
Speaker 1: would be like, oh, the first night you should have
Speaker 1: gave it up, but you're like, we're going to. I
Speaker 1: want to her and make her feel special. But also
Speaker 1: if she was like, let's I mean, I didn't want
Speaker 1: to suck on the first day just because I didn't
Speaker 1: want to, but you know I would also get if
Speaker 1: she did. But did y'all drink? Yeah, Stephen doesn't drink.
Speaker 1: Which would y'all drink? I had? We both have. We
Speaker 1: both have whiskey, were like whiskey cocktails. Yeah, whiskey. There
Speaker 1: was mighty penetration from him. Yeah, he sucked her. If
Speaker 1: you to watch, Yeah, that actually tired me on And Karen,
Speaker 1: where were you not here in the bathroom. I heard
Speaker 1: the story a lot. Yeah she has like I wasn't here,
Speaker 1: all right, but just because just because the listeners and
Speaker 1: for this, we'll talk about this. I want to close
Speaker 1: up about plastic surgery. Um, so back to the women
Speaker 1: on women thing. I think it's interesting. So do you
Speaker 1: the plastic surgery carries with it a stigma? I think
Speaker 1: would you guys agree with that? And Madison, you look
Speaker 1: like maybe not? I mean, I don't it seems to
Speaker 1: you you're like I wanted my tips done, got my
Speaker 1: tips done, right. I don't know what they say behind
Speaker 1: my back, but I don't give ship. Well that's good whatever.
Speaker 1: I'm happy I got my boobs done. I wish I
Speaker 1: had gummy bear boobs like Sydney gummy bear foods. But
Speaker 1: I'm going to get them the next time and it's
Speaker 1: going to be fabulous. Um No, I'm if you want
Speaker 1: to have plastic surgery to make yourself feel better, it's
Speaker 1: your body. Do you gotta do? Who? Who? Hell? Are
Speaker 1: we to judge? Right? But do you feel like other
Speaker 1: women treat you differently, like your life before plastic surgery?
Speaker 1: They want to be me? Now, I'm just kidding, want
Speaker 1: to be I don't. We don't. We don't start the
Speaker 1: conversation off. So I have fake ted right because you
Speaker 1: don't like you don't give you my my tip card
Speaker 1: like so much, it's fake. You can start the coming yea.
Speaker 1: But just aesthetically, I feel like, you know, if you
Speaker 1: know you brought yourself, like if we're only basing off aesthetics,
Speaker 1: you are now aesthetically a more pleasing societally, you know,
Speaker 1: to society look. So I want you to if I
Speaker 1: show you, I'm like, she don't need to see. Well, no,
Speaker 1: I won't shown my post childhood pictures of yourself. And
Speaker 1: you talk about like what, like what a nerd you were?
Speaker 1: You just look like a normal person to me. She's like,
Speaker 1: you still look like a nerd. B that's it. No,
Speaker 1: I'm just look like a normal girl. Do you like
Speaker 1: the way yours feel? Yeah? I like the way they feel.
Speaker 1: I hate the way of mind field. I just don't
Speaker 1: like the space in between because I have what I
Speaker 1: have like a bird chest, so my rip cage goes
Speaker 1: like this, so they like slide a little bit, so
Speaker 1: I would want them to be closer together. But when
Speaker 1: they're too close, that's like a uni boob so you
Speaker 1: have to make sure that it's the right amount of cleavage.
Speaker 1: I'm really a cleavage person. You have very nice cleavage,
Speaker 1: thank you, But it takes a lot of tucket. Does
Speaker 1: take a lot of Yeah, we gotta do this and that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just like yeah it's real boobs. Thanks for the great podcast.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I think people need to listen to
Speaker 1: this way more. You really know how to be a
Speaker 1: great home And then uh boy, your your your question.
Speaker 1: You started about with the stigma, but I feel like
Speaker 1: you're getting somewhere else with it. I don't know I
Speaker 1: got the answer I wanna, Well, it is a stigma
Speaker 1: because you are now a fake bitch. Sometimes feels like
Speaker 1: a fake bitch. I don't think you're a fake bitch. Well,
Speaker 1: there was a couple of times where I was like, man,
Speaker 1: I got like fake eyelashes on, I got another bitch's
Speaker 1: hair on top of my head, fake Gucci shoes, and
Speaker 1: fake I used a lot of fake ship right now.
Speaker 1: But like, I mean, everything is faith to clothes that
Speaker 1: we wear. I mean it's all just ways to make ourselves.
Speaker 1: I mean, like unless we're all gonna gonna walk around naked,
Speaker 1: like just get out of the shower and that's it
Speaker 1: and then walk. I mean, we're all doing something better.
Speaker 1: Here's another thing too, I feel I don't really believe
Speaker 1: it or not, Like I don't really like to wear makeup.
Speaker 1: I think you guys have seen me out a lot
Speaker 1: without anything on my face. It's like my because I
Speaker 1: just kind of I don't want to put it on.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm like in the middle panting my face. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you also have like extraordinarily nice skins. But I mean
Speaker 1: when I'm like when I'm not in makeup or not
Speaker 1: dressed that great, but then like I have somewhere to
Speaker 1: go and I gotta put on my face and my hair.
Speaker 1: Do people treat me differently from night today? Yes? I
Speaker 1: notice it. People like if I go to like consulting
Speaker 1: jobs or whatever, one day, I'm dressed like ship, no makeup.
Speaker 1: Next day, I'm dressed up with makeup, and we dress
Speaker 1: like business attire. Right, You're not like sweats going from
Speaker 1: sweats to address suit or whatever. Like the dress isn't
Speaker 1: as dressing the makeup and the hairs like the big thing.
Speaker 1: But I noticed it, and I'm like, this is why
Speaker 1: people put so much effort into this sucking appearance that,
Speaker 1: but but then the way you get bummed out that
Speaker 1: like you're could have been. Sometimes it's more respect, sometimes
Speaker 1: it's like weird or look. Sometimes it's whatever it is,
Speaker 1: but you're like, all because I fucking spent two hours
Speaker 1: getting ready like that, that's not it's earned and that
Speaker 1: I did it, but also feels not as rewarding. Yet
Speaker 1: you know what I ordered for your comedy for example,
Speaker 1: it's like to me, it's like, yes, like that's the goal.
Speaker 1: But here's the other thing that now that I've really
Speaker 1: kind of like looked into my sed up, I think
Speaker 1: that when you are dressed up you act differently. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what it is, and that energy. Yeah, so it's
Speaker 1: a convert it's a current combination of both. Because I
Speaker 1: finally like a lot of furniture lately because I moved
Speaker 1: and I needed furniture. So like, if I'm gonna I
Speaker 1: go into like a store and I know I'm not
Speaker 1: have to negotiate a price, Like I definitely gonna weare
Speaker 1: makeup to that store because I know I'm gonna get
Speaker 1: be able to get a better price if I look better.
Speaker 1: I didn't even think your voice alone sounds like let
Speaker 1: me speak to the manager, manager before you even ask
Speaker 1: a question where the manager and I wanted to manager,
Speaker 1: I do have that I do? I do? Your face
Speaker 1: looks like yo, command, I know somebody who owned this building?
Speaker 1: Like like no, I'm just saying no, com aggressive. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I mean I do get that's why people think that
Speaker 1: I'm a lot taller than I am. Like that's the
Speaker 1: thing that I treat like I have a tall personality.
Speaker 1: I'm five, So yeah that makes you yeah exactly. So
Speaker 1: it's just like it's just all about it's just a
Speaker 1: bunch of smoke mirrors. That's everyone's fake, fake fake bitches. Yeah,
Speaker 1: in some fucking way. But I think the most important
Speaker 1: part is when you feel great about yourself, then you
Speaker 1: admit your admit an energy that's of confidence and it's
Speaker 1: sexy and it's you know, it's just you want to
Speaker 1: be around the person. And when I I'm gonna put
Speaker 1: in quotation marks, it's really just a l a New
Speaker 1: York in Miami thing because all the women in the
Speaker 1: Midway they real that's really they are. And then you
Speaker 1: go there and you're like, fuck, yeah, you're a real bitch. Yeah,
Speaker 1: now what do you think you love Dallas out of there.
Speaker 1: Have you been to Dallas? That's a good point or that.
Speaker 1: Do you know what somebody said to me what I
Speaker 1: was sitting at a wedding. My friend happened to go
Speaker 1: to s m U, which happens to be in Dallas,
Speaker 1: and she said, my hair was down, it was all
Speaker 1: fluff up. Because did you go to Texas with or
Speaker 1: did you go to college with the bride? I said, no,
Speaker 1: I just have big hair. Like literally, she thought I
Speaker 1: went to school and lived in Texas because of her hair. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is, but when I think
Speaker 1: of Dallas, I think of or even Atlanta at that point.
Speaker 1: These girls will not please the house without a face
Speaker 1: of makeup on. Yeah, won't go to the grocery store.
Speaker 1: It's the show, that's so. It's the TV shows. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's the TV shows because those women are on on
Speaker 1: TV and that's the only reason why they're wearing makeup
Speaker 1: to the grocery store. So then there's all these other
Speaker 1: girls that are like, Okay, well I gotta get my
Speaker 1: face done because they're on TV doing normal shit all
Speaker 1: done up. But you're like, that's not real life. When
Speaker 1: I first met here, I was like I should go
Speaker 1: I should look my best at all times. Like I
Speaker 1: would go to like fucking Dan Read and like in
Speaker 1: full makeup because I'm like I don't know whom to
Speaker 1: see or you know who's gonna whatever, And then you're like, yeah, now,
Speaker 1: I would say, if you look nice and the bodega
Speaker 1: guy give you something for free time, dude, I get
Speaker 1: fucking chocolate covered cherries when I look good at my bodega.
Speaker 1: It's fucking When I'm kind of listening, I'm like, fuck you,
Speaker 1: but also like thank you. Five sour patch Ye, the
Speaker 1: blue one. I'm like, that's a new one. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: wear this shirt again. That's it's a big deal because
Speaker 1: they don't give sh it away for free, Like but
Speaker 1: when you're pretty, you're like looking good and they're like, okay,
Speaker 1: there you go. You're like exact thing. That's so weird reasons,
Speaker 1: but I'm also happy to take it. I saw a
Speaker 1: woman you get like a half a slab of like
Speaker 1: honey turkey, like free honey. She didn't even ask for it.
Speaker 1: Who wants half a slab of honey? I do? I
Speaker 1: love honey turkey. That is like golly meats always boar's head.
Speaker 1: I got a fair way and get boar's head. Honey, turkey,
Speaker 1: boar's head starts calling Christina tomorrow. Hey, give me for turkey. Listen.
Speaker 1: I helped you get the plu So if you get better, girl,
Speaker 1: and honeymuster, honey muster, that's the meat of yours. I
Speaker 1: want to eat. Yeah. So in closing, um, what would
Speaker 1: you both severally say to someone who was thinking about
Speaker 1: getting plastic surgery? Yeah, and make sure you're doing it
Speaker 1: for the right reason, and don't know that the church afterwards.
Speaker 1: And I paid the most, and he was he was
Speaker 1: a reputable doctor. I'm not gonna say his name. He
Speaker 1: was a very reputable doctor. He did a great job.
Speaker 1: But there was a lot of shady ship about But
Speaker 1: I'm glad I don't Yeah, girl, let's just say I'm
Speaker 1: probably not going back. Where were you impowing to your doctor? Well,
Speaker 1: the surgery she was, yeah, did not go down down
Speaker 1: like I don't care if you're getting botox or if
Speaker 1: you get your eyebrows done. Don't go to sheep space.
Speaker 1: It's not like that's what I did. I'm in this
Speaker 1: super posh office, our surgery center, which and somebody said
Speaker 1: surgery center that was off. That was giving my deposit
Speaker 1: on that surgery You mean a hospital, there's still it's
Speaker 1: like a surgery centers, like it's in a tree. But whatever,
Speaker 1: my gosh, where can we you both are also a
Speaker 1: very funny stand up comedian. Where can we find you
Speaker 1: each online? With your Twitter handles, websites? Any shows you
Speaker 1: want to promote? Sydney go, I'm on Twitter. My tweets
Speaker 1: is not like thought out well fund They're just like
Speaker 1: random stuff that happens to me. But I'm at just
Speaker 1: sid j U S T S Y D N y C.
Speaker 1: That's where I'm on Twitter. And then um, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: Sydney Washington. And you want to show Yes, I have
Speaker 1: a show at KRM a lounge every thank you, Ramona,
Speaker 1: thank you definitely needs some guidance. I have a show
Speaker 1: every second Saturday at carm a lounge called the warm
Speaker 1: Up I do with Marie Fouston. It's so fun. Please
Speaker 1: come and it's free. Yeah, you can find me at
Speaker 1: Madison Malloy m A l I on Twitter and then
Speaker 1: Madisonali Comic on Instagram. And do you have a weekly
Speaker 1: show at New York Comic or Night We do it
Speaker 1: every other week. But there's some other stuff I wanted
Speaker 1: to promote, but I don't know when everything Friday. Well okay, well,
Speaker 1: if you're for the Denver People'll be headlining the Denver
Speaker 1: Improp Night. Please go and get tickets. It's a Wednesday,
Speaker 1: seven thirty. It's going to be an awesome show. And
Speaker 1: when I'm done, I'm going to go to a pot
Speaker 1: shop and get stoned. I'm very excited. You got people
Speaker 1: in Denver. You people every ye people in Iraq according
Speaker 1: to our soundclass stets, but I'm pretty sure those are
Speaker 1: military people. I've been to both of your shows and
Speaker 1: your audience is like, off the chance, they're good, they're
Speaker 1: cool people, amazing. So you're doing great and you guys
Speaker 1: are coming off on a tour. Yeah, that's congratulations about
Speaker 1: you guys all the time, my parents, what were those all?
Speaker 1: My friends? I mean, it's just it's absolutely remarkable what
Speaker 1: you've done and you change people's like, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: just doing what they can stop this respond Well, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for sitting up Sitney, Washington, Mass and Malloy.
Speaker 1: This has been guys. We fucked the anti Slutshining podcast.
Speaker 1: We'll talk to you next Fridays easy