Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We.
Speaker 2: Find, the Anti Slutshamings Podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm Christina Hutchinson, I'm Karen Fisher and I'm friends.
Speaker 3: Bring up to.
Speaker 1: Sludgie, your horning and your shame. Hey was what?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 1: Okay? Talk about fucking?
Speaker 2: Greetings, fuckers, how you doing where you've been? Welcome to
Speaker 2: another exciting episode of Guys We Fuck. It's the Anti
Speaker 2: slut Chaming Podcast. I'm Karen Fisher, I'm Christina Hutchinson.
Speaker 1: Welcome.
Speaker 2: Oh I like thanks for turning those headphone volumes out, Mikey,
Speaker 2: this is way better.
Speaker 1: Hey, you want to email us?
Speaker 2: You got you need advice, you got a crazy story,
Speaker 2: you got you got a weird.
Speaker 1: Situation happening you see in red flags. We don't do
Speaker 1: anything about it.
Speaker 2: And you want to be told sorry about last night's
Speaker 2: show at gmail dot com. Today's subject line is your
Speaker 2: part in my ugly breakup growing Welcome, Hi, ladies. This
Speaker 2: is more of a PSA than a question, but I
Speaker 2: hope you'll read it anyway to help other women who
Speaker 2: might be in a similar situation to the one I
Speaker 2: found myself and many years ago, which you unknowingly helped
Speaker 2: me get out of great job.
Speaker 1: Asked, yay, we said it. We're in the bend.
Speaker 2: I have been dating my boyfriend for about two years
Speaker 2: in November twenty sixteen, and I genuinely thought he was
Speaker 2: the one. We had a seemingly great relationship. We were
Speaker 2: to living together, lots of productive plans for the future,
Speaker 2: great sex, et cetera. Looking back, there were plenty of problems,
Speaker 2: but I was in my twenties and every other guy
Speaker 2: I dated sucked, so I didn't have a great reference point.
Speaker 2: One evening, I came home and he was laying on
Speaker 2: the bed on his phone with his arm up over
Speaker 2: his head, and I poked him in the armpit to
Speaker 2: get his attention. He sat upright, looked at me with
Speaker 2: a look of total revolution, and slapped me across the face.
Speaker 1: I'm guessing she means revulsion.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, because revolutions, or.
Speaker 1: I guess it could be this is a man revolution. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it starts with me. I immediately started crying.
Speaker 2: He got upset and tried to leave, and I begged
Speaker 2: him to stay and forgive me because my panic. Responded
Speaker 2: is to fawn so the person won't hurt me again. Girl,
Speaker 2: I feel you is fucking furiating to witness.
Speaker 1: Yourself out that response. Sometimes I totally get it. Anyway,
Speaker 1: the next few weeks were obviously very turbulent.
Speaker 2: I asked him to go to therapy to address his
Speaker 2: anger issues, since he'd also punched a hole in the
Speaker 2: wall before this happened.
Speaker 1: He told me I should be the one in therapy.
Speaker 2: Of course, he did tell you that because my experience
Speaker 2: with violence in the home growing up was obviously causing
Speaker 2: me to have an issue with this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, his violence correct.
Speaker 2: He was gaslighting me into believing I was blowing it
Speaker 2: out of proportion since it only happened once, you are correct,
Speaker 2: happened twice, sent it the whole, then your sabchet across
Speaker 2: the face. Yeah, just because he punched something that wasn't you,
Speaker 2: doesn't mean that wasn't violent. One afternoon, when I was
Speaker 2: getting ready for work and listening to your podcast, he
Speaker 2: walked into the room and asked if I was listening
Speaker 2: to you because of what happened.
Speaker 1: Quote.
Speaker 2: For some reason, his idea that I could only enjoy
Speaker 2: your show and feel empowered as a woman was because
Speaker 2: of his asshole behavior was so completely douchey.
Speaker 1: It made me something click into place.
Speaker 2: I started opening up to my friends about what happened,
Speaker 2: and one of them said, quote, I just keep thinking
Speaker 2: what if this happened to my little sister? Which made
Speaker 2: me think of think things over objectively and what advice
Speaker 2: I would give to someone I love in my situation.
Speaker 2: I left right after that and have been married to
Speaker 2: a wonderful man for several years now who was great
Speaker 2: at communicating and doesn't hit walls or people.
Speaker 4: Nice.
Speaker 2: He doesn't hit Yay, keep those handsy yourself boom, except
Speaker 2: when you're fingering me. I hadn't listened to your podcast
Speaker 2: in a long time, and when I discovered it again,
Speaker 2: I thought it would be good to spread the message
Speaker 2: to anyone listening who might need to hear this. What
Speaker 2: if it happened to someone you loved, what advice would
Speaker 2: you give them? Do that for yourself, because if they
Speaker 2: hit you, they aren't worth it, I promise. Well, I
Speaker 2: like she's snuck in a little abuse towards us that
Speaker 2: she stopped listening to the show for several years. Yeah,
Speaker 2: what the fuck? Oh thanks for your small part and
Speaker 2: so forth. Realization many years ago, ladies, you're the best
Speaker 2: nice Glad you get out of that terrible relationship into
Speaker 2: a great one. Yeah, I love that, so I love it.
Speaker 2: That was a complete email in every sense of the word. Yeah, guys,
Speaker 2: come see us live if you are listening on Luminary
Speaker 2: this week. I'm in Toronto, Ontario headlining Comedy Bar Friday
Speaker 2: July twenty eighth Saturday July twenty ninth, two shows each.
Speaker 2: I will say hi after the shows or definitely at
Speaker 2: least after the late shows, depends on the turnover.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. But come to those shows.
Speaker 2: Los Angeles, I'm at the Comedy Store August second, San
Speaker 2: Diego August third through fifth, Fort Worth, Texas AKA Dallas,
Speaker 2: AKA wherever.
Speaker 1: You want to call it.
Speaker 2: I'm going to be at Hyenas August eleventh and twelfth.
Speaker 2: Go to Christina Hutchinson dot com for all those tickets.
Speaker 2: I have a Patreon that I'm very proud of, and
Speaker 2: August is the last month.
Speaker 1: It's going to be five dollars a month.
Speaker 2: You have four group Zoom, Therapy and Quotes sessions that
Speaker 2: I do. All the audio from those sessions are uploaded
Speaker 2: into Patreons. So it's kind of like a private podcast
Speaker 2: for you guys where I inner, like where you just
Speaker 2: kind of talk about what's going on in your life
Speaker 2: and I ask you questions. I got to say, it's
Speaker 2: fucking fascinating. I really really enjoy it.
Speaker 1: People come. There's a lot of men that have been
Speaker 1: coming in.
Speaker 2: I really appreciate that, and a lot of diversity in
Speaker 2: severity of problems level like I don't know people just
Speaker 2: people got problems, man, And it's really refreshing to listen
Speaker 2: to somebody talk about something they're going through, whether it's
Speaker 2: big or small. It just gives you perspective, and I
Speaker 2: think perspective is a very valuable tool in trying to
Speaker 2: manage how you look at your own life.
Speaker 1: So you could come in, you could chat.
Speaker 2: With me, and it's all for five dollars a month
Speaker 2: up until August, so sign in, get your rates Patreon,
Speaker 2: dot com, slash Christina Hutchinson, and then of course you
Speaker 2: can continue listening to it without a country, as so
Speaker 2: many of you have been doing. I appreciate it. It's
Speaker 2: on YouTube now on Wednesdays. We made it even earlier
Speaker 2: in the week because the news is not evergreen, so
Speaker 2: we wanted to get it to you as fast as possible.
Speaker 2: So that's without a country Chunnel on YouTube, click subscribe
Speaker 2: even if that's not the way you listen, just to
Speaker 2: get more eyes on the show. And then of course,
Speaker 2: you know, send in those domestic violence emails to Without
Speaker 2: a Country podcast at gmail dot com if you're not familiar.
Speaker 1: With the show we do.
Speaker 2: I have this like theory that pretty much everyone is
Speaker 2: like one degree of separation from someone who was either
Speaker 2: killed or severely injured as a result of domestic violence.
Speaker 2: And this is like a fun theory I'm tossing around
Speaker 2: the little party game, you know, an anecdote for the
Speaker 2: water cooler. So you can send those two Without a
Speaker 2: Country podcast at gmail dot com, even if you don't
Speaker 2: listen to the show.
Speaker 1: I suppose you can do that. And Washington d C.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna start going on tour more next year and
Speaker 2: maybe a little bit in the fall, but Washington DC
Speaker 2: is the first date and the tickets are up, so
Speaker 2: I just figured I would tell you about it. I'll
Speaker 2: be at the Comedy Loft for a full weekend Thursday
Speaker 2: February twenty ninth through Saturday, March second.
Speaker 1: It's a five show weekend DC.
Speaker 2: I Love You, You're always a really fun show, So
Speaker 2: start buying tickets for that now so I can sell
Speaker 2: it out.
Speaker 1: By the time I get there.
Speaker 2: Uh, and the the link tree link in my bio
Speaker 2: on Instagram has that I'm at Philanthropy l I'm at Christina.
Speaker 1: Hutch and I am at Mike Cuscarelli. Together we are
Speaker 1: at guys, we fucked without the you and fuck.
Speaker 2: That's on YouTube, that's on the tiktalkers, that's on the
Speaker 2: Twitter and the Facebook and the Instagram. So follow us,
Speaker 2: which we'll start with threads too if that catches on.
Speaker 2: We had to wait a second and see if that
Speaker 2: was catching on.
Speaker 1: I can't tell. Yeah, not post on it, but I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not sure what's going on. I feel like the
Speaker 1: world does not need one more social media platform, but
Speaker 1: maybe maybe we do. And I'm being closed minded.
Speaker 2: Well, Elon's turning Twitter into X and he said he's
Speaker 2: knocking the Twitter bird off the building with a blowtorch.
Speaker 1: I believe he's.
Speaker 2: Okay, so it's us X now very I don't know
Speaker 2: it's fun with the X men.
Speaker 1: Yes, he's obsessed with the letter X. Okay, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: so good for him.
Speaker 2: A little Elon fact. Okay, Oh, Elon, you're just crazy
Speaker 2: in a fun way.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: I went to hang out with my friend who has
Speaker 2: a three month old daughter, and I went and she's
Speaker 2: like a friend that she's one of my most favorite
Speaker 2: people on this planet.
Speaker 1: I know so much.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I've known ever since I was nineteen. We
Speaker 2: went to college together. We both transferred in the same college.
Speaker 2: We have like crazy stories under our belts together of
Speaker 2: like drinking and being on the bars and like titties out.
Speaker 1: And like all just just great stories.
Speaker 2: And I went to her home last week, I believe
Speaker 2: or two weeks ago. I think it was last week,
Speaker 2: so I would have talked about on the intro last
Speaker 2: week if it happened. And I held she put her
Speaker 2: beautiful three month old daughter in my arms, and I
Speaker 2: want a baby yesterday. Yeah, I knew that was I
Speaker 2: knew story was going. Where's the chart, where's h yesterday?
Speaker 1: I wanted baby.
Speaker 2: It is so funny that you said that, because literally
Speaker 2: this Wed, I went to a barbecue with all my
Speaker 2: high school friends in in Union, and I was like
Speaker 2: telling my mom.
Speaker 1: Who dropped me off.
Speaker 2: I was like, you know how women say like they
Speaker 2: can feel their ovaries moving. I go, I must not
Speaker 2: have them, because I've never been I've never like felt
Speaker 2: like had a baby in my arms and like felt
Speaker 2: whatever these people are.
Speaker 1: Saying with like, you know you feel it in your ovaries?
Speaker 1: You do not? I mean I know, I'd just.
Speaker 2: Like it's just this yeah, yeah, your heart explodes.
Speaker 3: Literally.
Speaker 2: So funny that you said that, because I was so
Speaker 2: excited to meet this dog.
Speaker 1: That I had never met at a party before and.
Speaker 2: Then exceeding my expectations. Rosie, your treasure, Your treasure, Ava.
Speaker 2: He's looking at you, kid, you were also a treasure. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I really, And I loved witnessing her be a mother
Speaker 2: in the you know, being in a couple months into
Speaker 2: being a new mother. She really I mean I imagine
Speaker 2: it's probably there's stressful parts that I did not see,
Speaker 2: but I'm like, damn really holding it together in a
Speaker 2: way that's very impressive to me that I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I could also be like a calm mom, Like she's
Speaker 2: a no bullshit kind of person. She would just be like,
Speaker 2: this is what's happen and she truly yeah, but also
Speaker 2: being loving at the same time. She's just great and
Speaker 2: so yeah, I held that baby and I.
Speaker 1: Was like, uh, oh, oh, it's going down. I haven't
Speaker 1: held it's been that long since you held a baby.
Speaker 2: Nephew who was seven was eight Oh, okay, I held
Speaker 2: him when he was born.
Speaker 1: People always trying to place babies in my hand.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 3: Eight year olds don't make you want to have kids.
Speaker 2: All related to my but I was just surprised that
Speaker 2: I had been that long since the last baby hold,
Speaker 2: because I've definitely held babies in that time period.
Speaker 1: She was just so sweet and she crabbed, She crabbed
Speaker 1: on my fucking finger and like held onto it tight.
Speaker 1: It is so funny. That also happened to me this weekend.
Speaker 3: The dog.
Speaker 2: No, no, there was lots of babies at this place too,
Speaker 2: and a baby also held onto my finger, and I
Speaker 2: thought it was cool, but just because I was like
Speaker 2: more like in a scientific.
Speaker 1: Way, I was like, oh baby, the pencil. I love
Speaker 1: the baby strength.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah No, I really, I really,
Speaker 2: I was like, damn man, and I was trying to
Speaker 2: make her laugh and she like, I guess one of like,
Speaker 2: I brought my polaroid camera over. I love polaroids because
Speaker 2: they are truly a moment in time that you can't alter,
Speaker 2: and they're so special and what.
Speaker 1: That's such a use. No it was just like, you know,
Speaker 1: it's the exact moment and you get the receipt immediately.
Speaker 2: Yeah, wait for it to develop and you might have
Speaker 2: done it wrong. You can't whatever, you just throw it away,
Speaker 2: you know. But anyway, so I took we were taking polaroids.
Speaker 2: I had her husband came home and I had to
Speaker 2: him take some pictures of us, and we captured like
Speaker 2: the baby's first like loud laugh, like ha like she
Speaker 2: was something fell and she was laughing.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. I just started like crying. I was like,
Speaker 1: this is so and then the polaroid was so cute.
Speaker 1: It's fun. Fucked I want a baby. That's I mean,
Speaker 1: that's a fuck. That's you. I know that you made
Speaker 1: the decision totally. I guess. I guess until next week. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, I'm honestly. Yeah, we'll see. We'll see. Let
Speaker 1: go let god baby, someone throws a baby at her.
Speaker 1: Yeah in the week and she goes, I don't want
Speaker 1: to fuck this kid. Yeah, so that's this week's up date.
Speaker 2: And then I saw Barb the Barbie movie, which I
Speaker 2: know you also I also saw it. I went alone
Speaker 2: Thursday night. I bought my ticket a week in advance.
Speaker 2: I knew exactly how I wanted.
Speaker 1: To see it.
Speaker 2: Would you wear I were a Barbie pink, yeah, of
Speaker 2: course I like.
Speaker 1: Or a skirt, yeah, I didn't like.
Speaker 2: I mean I like to still be comfortable in the
Speaker 2: movie theater, so I can really like, if I'm uncomfortable,
Speaker 2: I won't be able to take in the themes of
Speaker 2: the film.
Speaker 1: I placed. It was like ten o'clock at night, and
Speaker 1: I just.
Speaker 2: Don't want to be like fucking walking around and a
Speaker 2: Barbie offha by myself.
Speaker 1: Wise, it's not a good It's mean in the streets.
Speaker 1: That wouldn't be a good. Yeah, I was already I was.
Speaker 1: Men were already ruining it. On the way there. They
Speaker 1: were like, is that Barbie Pink?
Speaker 2: And I was like, do men have to fucking shut
Speaker 2: the fuck fucking everything?
Speaker 1: They were.
Speaker 2: They were so mad that this movie had nothing to
Speaker 2: do with them and they couldn't handle it. And everyone
Speaker 2: has been acting like babies because of it, because they
Speaker 2: couldn't handle that.
Speaker 1: A whole movie was just about us and not them.
Speaker 1: Shut up, wasn't about you. No, Well, I will say
Speaker 1: there were men.
Speaker 2: There was mostly women in the In the movie theater
Speaker 2: that I went to, I went with Donna and Diane.
Speaker 1: I was so happy I went with them.
Speaker 2: There's the theater was just filled with women, Yes, groups
Speaker 2: of friends dressed so cute. Everyone was dressed so cute,
Speaker 2: and I was like, I really love this. There were
Speaker 2: a bunch of men there and they were like, they
Speaker 2: were like.
Speaker 1: Good, I liked them. I were so they were laughing
Speaker 1: at the right parts.
Speaker 2: Everyone who brought their boyfriend to the fucking Barbie movie.
Speaker 3: You're on a.
Speaker 1: List, how dare you? There was nothing sacred opening night.
Speaker 2: Ew, there were some amazing moments that really Greta Gerwig girl.
Speaker 2: She wrote the film with her husband Noah. I wass
Speaker 2: about that too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was I felt your anger.
Speaker 2: When I saw that, I was like, oh, I thought,
Speaker 2: just Greta thought just credit Road. Yeah, gret is the
Speaker 2: only one that mattered.
Speaker 1: And then you found out they've been married for like
Speaker 1: twelve years.
Speaker 2: Yes, I didn't know. And then I you know, I'm
Speaker 2: not even a fan of you anymore. He's made some
Speaker 2: great films, but she is a powerhouse. She's incredible. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I love Greta. The humor in the movie was so
Speaker 2: fucking funny. There was a scene and I'll.
Speaker 1: Just I guess I'm not giving away. It's not it's
Speaker 1: a it's a fucking comedy, so I'm not giving anything.
Speaker 2: It Also heads up, if you don't like anything ruined,
Speaker 2: we're about to talk about the Smarmymory.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you should have seen it opening weekend, because
Speaker 2: what do you not see any women?
Speaker 3: Idiot?
Speaker 2: Well, were you working at your job, were you making
Speaker 2: something for your boyfriend?
Speaker 1: Fuck you love you? Or are you doing laundry?
Speaker 2: Yeah, the movie gave you like a very clear roadmap
Speaker 2: to like the roots of a dumb bitch, like how
Speaker 2: we kind of start going against ourselves and how it
Speaker 2: happens so quickly, so quickly, but it can be dissolved
Speaker 2: also as quickly by just giving words giving uh. I
Speaker 2: forget the exact quote that they said, but I was
Speaker 2: so glad that they kind of went over it like this.
Speaker 2: It's like you're under the spell of society and how
Speaker 2: you think about yourself and how you view yourself and
Speaker 2: the the A very simple way to end that spell
Speaker 2: pretty quickly is to put words to what's happening, to
Speaker 2: the double standards that are happening to you, and put
Speaker 2: words to your frustration. You know, and so, and you
Speaker 2: watch them do that to these characters, and they were
Speaker 2: basically trying.
Speaker 1: To like lure Barbies away.
Speaker 2: From their Kens after Ken fucks up the Barbieland and
Speaker 2: kind of makes it more patriarchal after being in the
Speaker 2: real world. And I loved the montage of how they
Speaker 2: try to distract the men.
Speaker 1: One of them was saying, I've never seen the Godfather.
Speaker 1: That was so funny. That was so funny, and I.
Speaker 2: Thought every boyfriend I've ever had where I've said I've
Speaker 2: never seen like the.
Speaker 1: Godfather or like Gians a big one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I've seen all those movies, but like got
Speaker 2: any Mafia movies.
Speaker 1: I've they starface, they lose their mind. And it was
Speaker 1: so funny. I told my boyfriend that.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, this one joke was so funny
Speaker 2: and I thought of he said, like I've said I've
Speaker 2: never seen the Godfather of him, He's.
Speaker 1: Like what, And he was like, yeah, that is really douchey.
Speaker 2: That's like a douchey thing for a guy to do,
Speaker 2: And like I never thought of it that way, and
Speaker 2: like you didn't meet it as douche Like I know,
Speaker 2: I know I didn't, but like hearing that joke, that
Speaker 2: she made.
Speaker 1: In the film like das kind of dude. It's also
Speaker 1: not a movie that we would like.
Speaker 2: I've seen The Godfather three times, trash all three times.
Speaker 2: It's yes, it is, Michael, I've watched it three times.
Speaker 2: It's not a good film. Everyone says it's about family.
Speaker 2: It's not about family. It's about fucking violence and people
Speaker 2: who don't know how to control themselves.
Speaker 1: That is what it's about. It's not three three chances.
Speaker 1: I gave that film three chances. Can not. Everybody likes
Speaker 1: The Godfathers. Yeah agree, Oh see, I disagree.
Speaker 2: On this snooze very very but at the end of
Speaker 2: the day, to each.
Speaker 1: His or her own, okay.
Speaker 2: But I also loved there's a montage scene where they
Speaker 2: were trying to also like distract the Ken's attentions and
Speaker 2: they were just asking the Ken was like, hey, do
Speaker 2: you want me to look at your h have a
Speaker 2: guitar and sing at you? And then they all started
Speaker 2: singing that Matchbox twenty.
Speaker 1: Songs that.
Speaker 2: The first like three boyfriends I've ever had all did.
Speaker 1: This, which is the song.
Speaker 2: I don't know if good Wait No, it's a push
Speaker 2: you around, yeah, push you and.
Speaker 1: Yeah and the way singing it, damn.
Speaker 2: And I my Spotify playlist and that I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: I forgot about love that song.
Speaker 1: It was actually a pretty good song. All the kens
Speaker 1: we all had acoustic guitars from the beach.
Speaker 2: That was so funny looking into the uncomfortably staring into
Speaker 2: the eyes of their girl like girlfriend, their barbie girlfriend
Speaker 2: and singing it poorly was very dramatic facial expressions, and
Speaker 2: I just I'm like, God, damn it, those are like
Speaker 2: my first three relationships for all that, And and the
Speaker 2: girl was going oh wow and pretending it was really good,
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh, I'm getting called out in
Speaker 2: this Barbibie movie.
Speaker 1: But I loved the song is so good. Oh wait,
Speaker 1: I didn't mean to start playing it. Sorry, but I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's such a good song.
Speaker 2: But I love that scene and I really enjoyed. So
Speaker 2: Donna was telling me about like the backlash of the movie,
Speaker 2: and I didn't I hadn't read.
Speaker 1: About Hero's burning barbies.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Conservative commenter commentator Ben Shapiro drew more than a million views,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, is this why he did that?
Speaker 1: Does he actually think this? Is he that fucking dumb?
Speaker 1: I don't know that he is and internet mockery.
Speaker 2: For his YouTube video Ben Shapiro destroys the Barbie movie
Speaker 2: for forty three.
Speaker 1: Minutes Oh God, It's a fucking idiot, in.
Speaker 2: Which he opens by lighting barbiez alls on fire and
Speaker 2: claims the message of the film is either you're a
Speaker 2: third wave feminist who hates men, truly hates men, or
Speaker 2: your brainwashed, you fucking dumb dumb That is not the
Speaker 2: at all the and then Ginger Gates, wife of Representative
Speaker 2: Matt Gates, called for a boycott of the film despite
Speaker 2: attending a premiere event all decked out in pink, criticizing
Speaker 2: the movie for neglecting to address any notion of faith
Speaker 2: or family, trying to normalize the idea that men and
Speaker 2: women can't collaborate positively, and for portraying Ken is not masculine.
Speaker 1: I thought those abs were pretty masculine.
Speaker 3: That guy is the worst.
Speaker 2: Well, because all these too women showed up thinking that
Speaker 2: it was going to be like about like the nineteen
Speaker 2: fifties doll Gotcha Bitch, which also is inaccurate because they
Speaker 2: go into the history of Ruth Handler and how what
Speaker 2: her idea for the doll was and conceptually her idea
Speaker 2: for the doll was actually so that her daughter could
Speaker 2: see that you can be something other than a mother
Speaker 2: or a wife, and not in any way that those
Speaker 2: things were bad.
Speaker 1: She herself was those things, Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2: And I was actually I talked about this in the podcast,
Speaker 2: and I got some flat for it from people about
Speaker 2: because I was trying to write a joke about it's
Speaker 2: kind of fucked up that we give little girls baby
Speaker 2: dolls because we're also we're just giving him the gift of.
Speaker 1: Motherhood and if I dressed that in the film.
Speaker 2: Exactly, and I'm like, that's the point I was trying
Speaker 2: to fucking make wait better.
Speaker 1: What were people saying?
Speaker 2: How they were they multiple no to There were women
Speaker 2: they were like, why would.
Speaker 1: You say that it's fucked up that little girls get
Speaker 1: baby dolls?
Speaker 2: They love to be nurturing and they're nurturing and they
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I didn't even respond. I'm like, I
Speaker 2: get where you're coming from, but like you're just seeing
Speaker 2: my point from where.
Speaker 1: You're coming from, and I don't care. And also it's
Speaker 1: like what Like, I'm like.
Speaker 2: That's not the point I was trying to make with
Speaker 2: that at all. But I feel like you're giving them
Speaker 2: responsibility and you're glorifying motherhood, which is a beautiful thing,
Speaker 2: but like they're fucking.
Speaker 1: Five, Maybe give them a tea cup instead of a baby.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was just listening to something and they were kind
Speaker 2: of talking about how women are burdened with caring for
Speaker 2: others from like the moment we are born, through the
Speaker 2: things that we are expected to do, and through things
Speaker 2: like that. Yeah, it's like, oh, here you can play
Speaker 2: with a barbie and like do fake laundry and work
Speaker 2: in your fake kitchen. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure,
Speaker 2: I get that. All find things if you want to
Speaker 2: do those things. I think I think people often like
Speaker 2: misinterpret what we're saying on the podcast. It's like, we
Speaker 2: don't need to reinforce the fact that like being a
Speaker 2: mother or a wife is valuable. It's been real for
Speaker 2: the entire it's a society. We're giving people other options.
Speaker 2: That's what this podcast is about. It's the other options
Speaker 2: you have as a woman. The initial options of wife
Speaker 2: and mother have already been covered, so we're not already
Speaker 2: know those We're not exactly we're not saying those are bad.
Speaker 2: We're saying, uh, oh, we know, let us show you
Speaker 2: the world of other options.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you show it. If there's options that we're
Speaker 1: not covered, show us. Let's all show each other. But
Speaker 1: fuck off, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I really liked it and I really felt
Speaker 2: the no. I loved she kind of like roadmapped, like
Speaker 2: this is how women can be tricked in the thinking
Speaker 2: less of themselves and that they're not good enough.
Speaker 1: And I really enjoyed that. It was great.
Speaker 2: Also, there were so many great people in it, but
Speaker 2: I loved Ray and it was so good.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, she was fantastic.
Speaker 2: She was Margot Robbie stand out besides Margot and Ryan obviously,
Speaker 2: like to me, was the standout performance.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, she was great. She was so fucking.
Speaker 2: Funny and uh, oh my god. Yeah, I'm trying to
Speaker 2: think and well, I knew I was gonna love it
Speaker 2: when one of the commercials for the film had the
Speaker 2: excerpt where Margo goes, She's like, you guys, ever.
Speaker 1: Think about death? And I was like, I'm gonna fucking
Speaker 1: love this.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: It was so because what's interesting about it is like
Speaker 2: I don't know if you know, but like Diablo Cody
Speaker 2: was originally offered the script and she was like, I
Speaker 2: can't tackle that. I can't give you the movie that
Speaker 2: I that you guys want. Yeah, like I don't know
Speaker 2: how to do this. And I am so surprised because
Speaker 2: I was like, it feels you think of like Juno,
Speaker 2: feels like something perfect obviously as they thought for Diabolo Cody. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and I was Greta nailed it, Like I would love
Speaker 2: to see, like I mean, not Diablo's version. I would
Speaker 2: love to see, like what if anything she got on paper?
Speaker 2: She should do a poly pocket movie, Diablo Cody do
Speaker 2: that poly pocket movie.
Speaker 1: Though Polypocket Love I fucking loved I did.
Speaker 2: I was just looking for little and I could only
Speaker 2: sit her stand. But my god, were her little pocket
Speaker 2: mansions just worlds of wonder that I would get lost in.
Speaker 2: And also the film made me think about like the
Speaker 2: role that Barbie's played in my life, and I always,
Speaker 2: like I always I remember as a kid, I always
Speaker 2: I never had the women Barbies would always go shirtless,
Speaker 2: and my brother and my mom would always ask me,
Speaker 2: like innocently, like.
Speaker 1: Be like, why don't your girl Barbies have shirts?
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, the boy Barbies don't have shirts, then
Speaker 2: the girl Barbies don't have to have shirts. And then
Speaker 2: they're like, well, no, girls have to have shirts.
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, they fucking don't.
Speaker 2: They don't have pimples even Instagram when we would agree
Speaker 2: Barbie doesn't need a shirt true nipple and it's like
Speaker 2: that was so was one of the first.
Speaker 1: Like why this is a stupid thing about.
Speaker 2: The world that I that I realized, you know, the
Speaker 2: picked up on uh through Barbie, and I remember like
Speaker 2: I would have tubs and tubs of Barbie dolls and
Speaker 2: I would just get lost in my bedroom for out time,
Speaker 2: would disappear for hours, setting up.
Speaker 1: Little villages and little like I saw them this weekend.
Speaker 1: I've seen them before.
Speaker 2: It's very immactate there, very impressive and like how you
Speaker 2: could get with the details, and oh I would make
Speaker 2: my barbies fuck yo, they would have crazy sex. It's
Speaker 2: so funny because I didn't do that, but I as
Speaker 2: with everything, and as I said, I took it too seriously.
Speaker 2: So I was like, we can't have them fucking that's
Speaker 2: not they have to work at the McDonald's that we.
Speaker 1: Got why right now.
Speaker 2: That's not this is that this place that isn't for
Speaker 2: fucking it's to work at the McDonald's or a grow
Speaker 2: gros and grocery shopping, and why aren't we doing this?
Speaker 2: My barbers are fucking My barbers were playing board games.
Speaker 2: My barbers were pulling pranks on other barbies. My barberies
Speaker 2: just have fun jobsting academy awards.
Speaker 1: It's cool.
Speaker 2: Uh yeah, they lived in great houses. But it also
Speaker 2: made me think, it's It's interesting to me because even
Speaker 2: long before this movie likes, people would often like equate
Speaker 2: Barbie with like negative things like her, you know, they're
Speaker 2: always like a body shit, like her waist is so small,
Speaker 2: her boobs are so big. This isn't realistic. I go,
Speaker 2: it's a Barbie, it's not realistic. And then to me,
Speaker 2: it's just like it really like shines the light on
Speaker 2: how so much of the world you see around you
Speaker 2: is based on how you see yourself, because it's like,
Speaker 2: not one time did that ever fucking cross my mind.
Speaker 2: I gotta say, yeah, that totality of playing with barbiees,
Speaker 2: and it used to make me furious, And I was like,
Speaker 2: why do you got to ruin a fucking amazing thing
Speaker 2: with your insecurity and your body issues? And I know
Speaker 2: these are serious things, but it's just like we don't,
Speaker 2: like we don't need to. Barbie's not all your own
Speaker 2: problems onto everything else in the world, like I don't
Speaker 2: and I don't. That's not what Barbie was about, especially
Speaker 2: like knowing who it was created by, now, which I
Speaker 2: hadn't even looked. I mean, I guess I knew in
Speaker 2: the back of my head, but I hadn't like looked
Speaker 2: into deeply because like think of how masculine I am
Speaker 2: in so many ways. But I loved Barbies and I
Speaker 2: never thought of them as an anti feminist or like
Speaker 2: body shaming in any way. In fact, like it was
Speaker 2: a doll and I knew it was a doll and
Speaker 2: not a person. And also like that, I feel like
Speaker 2: it like Barbie got into like diversity, like uh, not
Speaker 2: only as far as like ethnicity, but like wheelchair Barbie
Speaker 2: inside like so much ahead of everybody else exactly. So
Speaker 2: it's like why do we you know, everyone loves to
Speaker 2: say that I'm negative. It's like, maybe you guys are
Speaker 2: fucking negative. Maybe that's the problem. Not one time was
Speaker 2: like like bar makes me it's a tiny doll.
Speaker 1: That's a larger issue.
Speaker 2: That'd be like saying Polly Pocket makes me like, why
Speaker 2: isn't Polly Pocket more representative of like the way women are.
Speaker 1: That's ridiculous. It's a polly Pocket. She's for a little
Speaker 1: It's a doll. She makes little people feel guys. She's
Speaker 1: a short queen Polly Pocket. I loved Polly Pop. I
Speaker 1: just loved dolls.
Speaker 2: I love dolls, but I didn't like baby dolls. I
Speaker 2: never liked be I'm like, oh, okay, this is cool.
Speaker 2: The baby can pee and I got to change the
Speaker 2: diaper from a very young age.
Speaker 1: I was like, the fuck is this ship? The one
Speaker 1: one of them you could feed.
Speaker 2: This spoon had like cherries on it, and when you
Speaker 2: put it up to the mouth, the cherries would retract.
Speaker 1: That's part's really cool.
Speaker 2: I have the one that actually you you fed the
Speaker 2: real like motion to and it actually peede in a
Speaker 2: diaper tube.
Speaker 1: That's a one. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I like all dolls, yeah, exactly, like the weird porcelain
Speaker 2: ones that you can't play with. I had an American Girl
Speaker 2: one though, those kind of like ones you really can't
Speaker 2: play with because they're so expensive.
Speaker 1: I play with them. I wasn't allowed.
Speaker 5: I was.
Speaker 2: I was in a house where like if it was
Speaker 2: an expensive dot. You couldn't you had just put on
Speaker 2: a shelf. Can't be playing with it like that? Is
Speaker 2: it worth something?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 2: Oh, it's not about being worth it. I mean it
Speaker 2: was just more like ambiance. They're still in great shape.
Speaker 2: My parents had a collectible toy store. They would always say,
Speaker 2: like they would always give me Barbies for Christmas, but
Speaker 2: I couldn't open like a couple of them.
Speaker 1: Those are a bunch of those are all worth things?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 1: Oh really? I mean yeah, if they're still boxed and
Speaker 1: they're not sun bleached.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay they are. Some are worth more
Speaker 2: than others. I mean you have to lift them up.
Speaker 2: But I put some Barbies for sale in perfectly centered
Speaker 2: this weekend.
Speaker 1: Yeah I was. I was celebrating Barbie.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Fashion, a lot of fashion fever. Tokyo pop ones. Those
Speaker 2: are rare, nice, my favorite. They're great outfits. Oh my god,
Speaker 2: Tokyo pop outfits. Insane fish purse. Come on, how are
Speaker 2: you doing there?
Speaker 3: You want to?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: No, okay, cool?
Speaker 2: My weekend was dedicated to Barbie and picking up dead animals.
Speaker 1: Gorgeous, Well the first part. Guys.
Speaker 2: You know who's also gorgeous are gues. He's an Australian
Speaker 2: radio personality. He's been an mm a fighter, a box or,
Speaker 2: a world record setting skateboard or a truck racer, a singer, and.
Speaker 1: A beloved podcast host. Ladies and gentlemen, Please welcome to
Speaker 1: the show. Jason Ellis, How do you live? Belive?
Speaker 4: What will you live beyond? Passing in the burn outside
Speaker 4: to Islam made of a liver goal save before the
Speaker 4: futures off it song too much, His Madam love Ella,
Speaker 4: loves recording every time, begading to summon short, to care
Speaker 4: about people of plans, sushi and.
Speaker 3: Shure home sub.
Speaker 4: Love in this God for singing old this stand for
Speaker 4: the doom beer and man fos a toy shoy take your.
Speaker 1: To but in me until losing your powerless well Bird.
Speaker 4: Too much is mad the lives.
Speaker 2: I was hanging out with a bunch of guys for
Speaker 2: like an hour at a bar and didn't realize that
Speaker 2: my lipstick was so swear my bright lead red lips. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I looked like I fucking just back on stocking of
Speaker 2: guy's dick.
Speaker 1: As Chevy hot men never tell oh is that what't?
Speaker 3: Wait?
Speaker 1: That's hot?
Speaker 4: How is that hot?
Speaker 1: I thought that's sloppy?
Speaker 3: Because because you you suck so hot that your lipstick
Speaker 3: came off, and about I'm not using my brain, I'm
Speaker 3: using my paintings with that idea. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: it's Mudge, what'd you get up to? Wow, tell me
Speaker 3: some more about what's going on. I'm just trying to.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's why they didn't say anything. I never thought
Speaker 1: that that was even a thought that would happen.
Speaker 3: They thought were next men are So.
Speaker 1: They're like, not mysterious, but like that I never would never.
Speaker 3: Would live in it.
Speaker 1: Wow, I have to hear it, and you seem to
Speaker 1: be evolving a lot, which is exciting.
Speaker 3: It's like my addiction voice and my chauvinistic voice. Now
Speaker 3: I have my own voice inside there, but it's still
Speaker 3: those guys.
Speaker 1: Are all still celebrity death matching.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I hear them all the time say stuff
Speaker 3: and I'm like, shut the fuck no.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that absolutely not talking back to the voices.
Speaker 2: That's being an adult. So like, that's being like an
Speaker 2: actualized human being that can be in the world.
Speaker 3: Like I learned that from my where It's like, man,
Speaker 3: it's you know, you suck. You should probably get a drink.
Speaker 3: And I'm like shut up. Yeah, man, you're fat. Don't
Speaker 3: go to the gym. It's not worth it anymore anyway.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, no, no, you don't get to win.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's good, that's amazing. We were talking before the
Speaker 2: MIC's were recording. We're here with Jason Ellis.
Speaker 1: You have so many herds. We're on and we'll talk
Speaker 1: about all the hats that you wear.
Speaker 2: I'm not literally and metaphorically, but you said something very
Speaker 2: interesting that sparked a story in my head. You didn't
Speaker 2: realize you wouldn't have been able to point out when
Speaker 2: men are talking down to women until recently, or like
Speaker 2: more recent in your evolution. Yeah, and you talked about
Speaker 2: an instant where somebody was talking down to a woman
Speaker 2: in front of you, and you're like, what the fuck
Speaker 2: that happens? When we would have the super when we
Speaker 2: were moving out of our old place, Yeah, my boyfriend
Speaker 2: came with me because he the super was an asshole.
Speaker 2: And I was like, I lose my shit. I will
Speaker 2: lose my temper, my temper. I have the temper of
Speaker 2: a man with a problem. And I was like, you
Speaker 2: need to come with me because I want to. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna lose it on him, and so he was talking
Speaker 2: to super my boyfriend, and then the super was talking
Speaker 2: to me and the tone shift and my boyfriend was like,
Speaker 2: are you you're talking.
Speaker 1: Differently to me?
Speaker 4: Do you know that?
Speaker 1: And he like, he was, like seventy five? So maybe
Speaker 1: it's just then ingrained.
Speaker 2: Thing, but like so maybe so yeah, So the moral
Speaker 2: of a sorry is maybe he's never talked nicely to
Speaker 2: a woman.
Speaker 1: I don't think so. But like switch, everyone's just like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's a time thing. We just need We
Speaker 1: didn't respect horrors back in the day. Surely women aren't humans.
Speaker 3: I've been disrespecting holes for so long that I don't
Speaker 3: think I need to change. Yeah, right, that's right, that's
Speaker 3: kind of what that is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, We're just gonna ride this one till the end,
Speaker 1: all right.
Speaker 2: I always wonder though, like, does porn, like if guys
Speaker 2: consume porn often, like straight men, does it change the
Speaker 2: way they look at women?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 1: Are women just walking holes?
Speaker 3: See a lot of people say that, but it's I
Speaker 3: don't Okay, I don't know, but I think I'm definitely odd.
Speaker 3: So maybe if you're kind of because I'm starting to
Speaker 3: realize that a lot of people are really dumb. Like
Speaker 3: I thought that maybe there was more in us in general,
Speaker 3: like most of us had the chance to lie out
Speaker 3: and do something. But it seems like most, not most,
Speaker 3: but a lot of people are screwed and they're not
Speaker 3: even trying to get out of it. They don't even
Speaker 3: know that they're trapped in a bubble of dumb.
Speaker 1: Well did you see that?
Speaker 2: There was like a report not too long ago that
Speaker 2: most people don't engage in what one would define as
Speaker 2: critical thinking. So most people are just as the Seinfeld
Speaker 2: joke goes walking around looking around, and it's terrifying.
Speaker 1: But it explains a lot. I think people have the
Speaker 1: intelligence in them, they're just too lazy.
Speaker 3: To get it. I think that some I think most
Speaker 3: no one's in spot and no one. If you're not
Speaker 3: close to somebody that's doing it, then it can't wrap
Speaker 3: off on you. And if you're only a in a
Speaker 3: group of people that are just like what's on my
Speaker 3: phone Postmates, Fox News phone Postmates, like.
Speaker 6: You too to fuck anymore? Like I need it, I'll
Speaker 6: just get another Postmates And everyone's like, oh, I agree,
Speaker 6: I should get let's all get post Mates and beer.
Speaker 6: And then it's just like you know, what everyday other
Speaker 6: a kid.
Speaker 5: And that, and that thing's just like, ah, you're egging
Speaker 5: on the slough, deer fox, you know.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't love the attack on Postmates.
Speaker 3: But I love Postmates. I'm my fight is to get
Speaker 3: because I can't. I got divorced and stuff, so I
Speaker 3: don't have like as much money as I used to.
Speaker 3: And I used to be a Postmates.
Speaker 1: She got your postmaids money, well, I pay her.
Speaker 3: So I don't have Postmates anymore because that's how much
Speaker 3: my Postmates used to cost me a lot.
Speaker 5: I was really and now that I'm single, very tempting
Speaker 5: to just be like Postmates.
Speaker 3: But now I cook and I can't cook, which I
Speaker 3: went through a little bit of a depression getting divorced.
Speaker 3: Like it wasn't easy. Yeah, I got out of it
Speaker 3: pretty quick, but at one point it was like I'm
Speaker 3: home by myself and I cook stuff that's depressing, and
Speaker 3: I'm already depressed. I'm like, I'm like having a really
Speaker 3: bad grilled cheese and I'm like, this might be the
Speaker 3: end for you, dude, like you're useless. And then that's
Speaker 3: and then I catch I'm like, nah, that's addictive. Voice
Speaker 3: guy saying I'm bad again. I'm like, you get out
Speaker 3: of it. You can do it, Like you can get
Speaker 3: some food going, and I forget a couple of meals
Speaker 3: that I don't hate.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 3: And then things seem to be working out a little bit.
Speaker 3: So now I can afford postmtess not a lot, but
Speaker 3: like every now and then I can get like some tacos.
Speaker 1: Wait, do you have children? Oh? Okay, when you pay?
Speaker 1: I always thought, I mean, women get the shorter end
Speaker 1: of the stick in a lot of ways.
Speaker 3: Not that one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, But and it's what does the if the woman post.
Speaker 3: I don't get I know, I'm like, uh, the Beatles guy,
Speaker 3: I don't. If I love you, I love you, and
Speaker 3: like if I get a prenup, that means I think
Speaker 3: I'm going to break up with you. I care about money.
Speaker 3: I care about love.
Speaker 1: Well you do when you want that post mats.
Speaker 3: I don't have any money. I don't have any money.
Speaker 3: I don't care. But the thing is, like I was
Speaker 3: a millionaire. I want you to have more depressed than
Speaker 3: I was.
Speaker 2: Now right, I agree with what you're saying in theory,
Speaker 2: like I under like like like that it's like preparing
Speaker 2: to break up but the thing is like, if you're
Speaker 2: entering into marriage anyway, it's it's a contractual agreement.
Speaker 1: So if you're okay with that, you should be okay
Speaker 1: with the part that's like safe for yourself.
Speaker 2: I am very very pro prenup and just in case
Speaker 2: you get married again, you can also a post up.
Speaker 1: But was I crazy?
Speaker 4: Didn't you?
Speaker 3: Did you?
Speaker 1: Or did you not recently like get engaged to someone
Speaker 1: else or almost like hallucinating? Okay, this is so, this
Speaker 1: is you terrified? Okay, I think.
Speaker 3: That would be if I was real, I would be like, okay, okay,
Speaker 3: someone somebody, you can shoot me now, you can throw
Speaker 3: me off about a building. It doesn't I don't need
Speaker 3: to be here. I've got a bad intention to ruin myself.
Speaker 2: Maybe this was like one of those things like an
Speaker 2: old Instagram post like pops up as if it's a.
Speaker 1: New one or something.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Okay, So there's only been one wife and one divorce,
Speaker 1: and there's two divorces three three? Okay, hell yeah, why
Speaker 1: you pay all those ex wives?
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that blows.
Speaker 3: I gave. I gave I get a little one at
Speaker 3: the start, not for very long, and I didn't have
Speaker 3: a lot of money, but I gave her half for
Speaker 3: half the relationship. She used to beat me up, so
Speaker 3: that one was like, weird, why did you.
Speaker 1: Get her mind that fucked up? How did she beat
Speaker 1: you up? Also how you're a big guy.
Speaker 3: Well, because I'm a big guy, but I don't hit.
Speaker 1: With women, so you can't fight back.
Speaker 3: So it used to be I don't care, especially when
Speaker 3: you're way bigger, and you know, I can take a lot,
Speaker 3: and she knew it. But she was a bit of
Speaker 3: a kickboxer, and her mum was a bit of a
Speaker 3: gang kind of person, so she grew up rough and
Speaker 3: had like a switch where sheet very violent, a straight
Speaker 3: in and I used to smoke weed and she was weird.
Speaker 3: When we met. I took a bunch of drugs. I
Speaker 3: was drunk all the time, and then she wanted me
Speaker 3: to be sober, and I kept smoking weed every time
Speaker 3: that I just pro skateboarder. I'd go smoke with my friends,
Speaker 3: come back. But I dropped in and she's like, you hired.
Speaker 1: I'm like no, oh, okay, So that was already.
Speaker 3: I'm a real bad liar too, Like I know, I
Speaker 3: just go yeah, I did it because I know that
Speaker 3: if I know I didn't like my face just says
Speaker 3: that I did, and I'm done. Anyway. Yeah, my daughter
Speaker 3: has the same thing. Every time she's like no, I didn't,
Speaker 3: or she looks away. I'm like, what did you look
Speaker 3: away from? When I said that?
Speaker 5: I don't know because I wanted to Oh my god,
Speaker 5: fucking lying.
Speaker 3: I know you're lying. But so that one was I
Speaker 3: got beat up and I used to tell people and
Speaker 3: they would just laugh, and I thought they just thought
Speaker 3: that that wasn't that big of a deal. But it
Speaker 3: turns out nobody believed me.
Speaker 1: Oh no, women definitely beat men up because she.
Speaker 3: Was really hot and literally cute, and she's to talk
Speaker 3: like a baby sometimes, so yeah, anyway, not to me,
Speaker 3: but to like she'd say things to dogs and stuff
Speaker 3: where she was just saying.
Speaker 1: Okay, wait, talking like a baby who ad dog? Is normal?
Speaker 1: But that's fine. She's talking like a baby to you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: talking like a baby in other situations, not like me.
Speaker 3: Oh god, I might have been into that. That's weird.
Speaker 3: Really no, but one time, Yeah, I want to do
Speaker 3: any of everything.
Speaker 1: Have you done something that you're like ever? Again?
Speaker 2: And also I feel like maybe for like clips you
Speaker 2: want to You want to say, I want to do
Speaker 2: almost everything once.
Speaker 5: Just I don't want to eat ship and other things too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's not even the worst of it. What else
Speaker 1: is like sucking? You know, pedophilia?
Speaker 3: Oh I didn't even Yeah, I don't. Okay, Yeah, I
Speaker 3: want to about you out of here talking about adult stuff.
Speaker 1: We're defending you.
Speaker 2: Well that's the pro Pedophilia is adult stuff for hawk.
Speaker 3: That's a person that's been raped a bunch of times.
Speaker 3: I'm not. I guess you go one way or the other.
Speaker 3: I went the other. Like, if you rape kids, I
Speaker 3: kill you. That's my right.
Speaker 4: I don't.
Speaker 3: If you rape kids and you're in my in my
Speaker 3: I can get you. Yeah, I don't care who you are,
Speaker 3: I'm getting you. I'm like, man, I'm going to jail.
Speaker 3: Why because the rape of guy was right next to me.
Speaker 3: Somebody had to do it. If you don't do it,
Speaker 3: what's wrong with you? Anybody that's near them killed.
Speaker 2: I just read that Larry Nasser, that gymnast who assaulted
Speaker 2: he got stabbed in critical condition, and I was like, ah,
Speaker 2: really shitty.
Speaker 1: But I'm so happy that that happened, because boy, I
Speaker 1: watched this testimony. Sorry, those girl suffer.
Speaker 3: Anyway, she came. I came home one day and I
Speaker 3: was living with another skateboarder and hell yeah. And I
Speaker 3: came later my stomach and started playing video games in
Speaker 3: the living room with my buddy and she comes in
Speaker 3: and she's like, what are you doing? And I had
Speaker 3: sunglasses on, so I didn't have any eye jobs.
Speaker 1: It's like barts and they back.
Speaker 3: She's like, what are you doing. I'm like, I'm playing
Speaker 3: video games. It's like, why you got sunglasses on. I
Speaker 3: was like, I don't know, just playing video games sunglasses on.
Speaker 3: It's like, take your fucking sunglasses off and show me
Speaker 3: your eyes and I'm like, there, are you happy? And
Speaker 3: then I put them back on and started playing video games,
Speaker 3: and I guess my eyes were bloodshot. So she comes
Speaker 3: over and just starts foot stomping me in the back
Speaker 3: of the head. My god, that's terrible, and I remember
Speaker 3: I remember watching my friend's feet run up the stairs
Speaker 3: to his room as my head was bouncing off the
Speaker 3: ground with her kicking it.
Speaker 1: Damn.
Speaker 3: So he was like, dude, that's not cool, and I
Speaker 3: was like, yeah, you're right. She should go to anger management.
Speaker 3: And then I think she went to one and then
Speaker 3: I was on DC shoes and stuff was still a skateboarder,
Speaker 3: and the whole team got flown to Aspen and we
Speaker 3: all had rooms next to each other, and I went
Speaker 3: to a signing and I was supposed to be back
Speaker 3: by midnight, but instead I was back at two because
Speaker 3: I got drunk after the signing and danced on the
Speaker 3: dance floor like a you know, a sho. So I
Speaker 3: come back in the room and she's like, what are
Speaker 3: you fucking doing? It's two in the morning. I was,
Speaker 3: and I don't usually do this, but I slipped. I
Speaker 3: was drunk.
Speaker 5: I was like, ah, fuck off, because I was drunk, that's.
Speaker 1: What you saying.
Speaker 3: Off.
Speaker 1: Its fine. Also like I went to dance with friends
Speaker 1: because last time you kicked me in the head, but.
Speaker 3: Wasn't thinking that. It was like a gap between those things.
Speaker 3: But anyway, I didn't even have my eyes open, and
Speaker 3: she ran up and kicked me in the nuts oh
Speaker 3: and dropped me to my knees, and then she kicked
Speaker 3: me in the face. And I've been knocked out a lot.
Speaker 3: I've had a lot of concussions, so I know what
Speaker 3: it's like. So as soon as she kicked me, I
Speaker 3: hear the warm, fuzzy sound like the root. It's like hmm,
Speaker 3: I can't really see. And then I start to come
Speaker 3: back and as I'm coming back, She's got me by
Speaker 3: the hair, oh, punching me. I had hair, punching me
Speaker 3: over and over again, and I'm like, what the fuck
Speaker 3: is wrong with you? And then she stops. And then
Speaker 3: I go in the living room. I sit on there.
Speaker 3: I go turn on a TV. And she goes, what
Speaker 3: are you doing? And I'm like, sleeping on the couch,
Speaker 3: gonna watch it. Get the fuck in the bedroom. And
Speaker 3: I'm like okay, Like damn, I already analyzed this now
Speaker 3: that I'm me, and was like, wait, she said, get
Speaker 3: the fuck in the bedroom, and you did what the
Speaker 3: fuck was wrong with you? So I go to sleep.
Speaker 3: I wake up my pillows covered in blood, Like I
Speaker 3: got pretty fucked up. Oh no. I go to getting
Speaker 3: the bus to go to the mountain the next day,
Speaker 3: and this photographer for DC really nice guy.
Speaker 5: I never liked him because he wasn't a skateboarder.
Speaker 1: Great guy, but I fucking hate it.
Speaker 3: Well I knew he was. He was like a normal guy,
Speaker 3: and I don't like back then, I don't like people
Speaker 3: like you skate they don't talk to me. It was
Speaker 3: I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying that's what
Speaker 3: I was like.
Speaker 1: It's like a guy who thought skateboarding was a cry
Speaker 1: he can I talk to you for.
Speaker 3: A second and takes me off to the side and
Speaker 3: he goes, hey, man, I'm in the room next to you.
Speaker 3: I heard what happened last night.
Speaker 5: You just I know you're a big guy, but that's bullshit, dude.
Speaker 3: You need to leave her. And I was like, leave
Speaker 3: her and he was like, yes, wow, wake up, man,
Speaker 3: Like that's fucking abuse.
Speaker 5: Like if it's the other way around, the cops should come, like, yeah,
Speaker 5: out of there.
Speaker 3: And then I yeah, And I just knew he would.
Speaker 3: I didn't think he liked me either, because I was
Speaker 3: such a dick, And I was like, this guy is
Speaker 3: just saying it because that's what it is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he's giving me the truth.
Speaker 2: And it's interesting like abused partners, regardless of the gender,
Speaker 2: like have the same thought patterns of like not even
Speaker 2: considering leaving a place that from the outside is so obvious,
Speaker 2: why wouldn't you leave?
Speaker 3: I was pretty sure I was so annoying that I
Speaker 3: deserved it. Yeah, yeah, that's what because I did things,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, like you look at my phone,
Speaker 3: you text somebody and I was like, yeah, I mean
Speaker 3: like some Olympic gymnast tech was into me. At X Games,
Speaker 3: she was like some Russian. I mean, she was like,
Speaker 3: I cannot go with my coach. My coach is coming,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, what the fuck is happening? She said
Speaker 3: she's a coach, won't let me see us. I was
Speaker 3: into her, you know, yeah yeah, and then I got
Speaker 3: cot texting.
Speaker 1: Her when you divorced her, you were married to this woman. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: her money.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I still paid her money, but it wasn't only
Speaker 3: only married for three years, so I paid her a
Speaker 3: year and a half. Then I got Then I was like,
Speaker 3: I don't want to get married. I don't want to
Speaker 3: I'm not good, I'm very annoying, so I don't want
Speaker 3: to have a relationship. So then I had a girlfriend
Speaker 3: that we just played video games and had like we
Speaker 3: had a lot of fun. And then she got pregnant
Speaker 3: and was like I want to have the kid, and
Speaker 3: I was raised to you know, I was like, well
Speaker 3: that's if that's what you want to do, I'll do
Speaker 3: everything I can to support it. You know me, and
Speaker 3: you know that I'm probably going to be a bad dad.
Speaker 4: What made you say that?
Speaker 3: Because I were responsible? I was a child. I was
Speaker 3: doing coke. I had like an eight ball under my seat.
Speaker 1: Parents do coke?
Speaker 3: Okay, well, well how old were you? I know time
Speaker 3: it's like twenty eight.
Speaker 1: Five or something like, I was just bored. Twenty eight
Speaker 1: is still I was old enough. Your brain's fully developed.
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh yeah, And I was still living like a child.
Speaker 3: So when that happened, I grew up. I stopped doing
Speaker 3: hard drugs because I was scared to be a bad parent.
Speaker 3: And then I caught the year. She had parents that
Speaker 3: were good parents, so we lived with them at one point.
Speaker 1: Oh that's good help.
Speaker 3: And I copied them and I learned how to be
Speaker 3: a parent through all three of them, just watching them,
Speaker 3: like how you do this, how you do that? And
Speaker 3: then I mean over the years. Yeah, because my parents
Speaker 3: were ten men. I won't say it. My dad had
Speaker 3: a really bad temper, and so there was like you know,
Speaker 3: you get hit or you get yelled at for like
Speaker 3: little things, and maybe flinchy and scared of confrontation. And
Speaker 3: that's in me I mean, if you rub me the
Speaker 3: wrong way, I can explode. Therapy and all that stuff,
Speaker 3: and I I've been working on myself really hard to
Speaker 3: try to not be that guy because that I'm awake now,
Speaker 3: and when that guy shows up, I regret him so much.
Speaker 3: Like even when I talk, like when I get angry,
Speaker 3: I talk like my dad. I say, i'd more austrayed.
Speaker 3: I say count a lot, you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: And it's dangerous, Like when I start saying count, if
Speaker 3: you want to go like if someone I meet someone
Speaker 3: that's like me.
Speaker 5: We're gonna have a straight on, like a full on brawl.
Speaker 3: And it's embarrassing to know that I could go there.
Speaker 3: So I'm I'm really you know, I mean, if people
Speaker 3: My son taught me a lot. He's helped me a
Speaker 3: lot because of my road rage. One time, a guy
Speaker 3: was yelling at a lady at a light and I
Speaker 3: opened the door and I was like, hey, get your
Speaker 3: fucking head back in the car. Count I'll knock it off.
Speaker 3: And he was like fuck you. And I was like,
Speaker 3: oh yeah, And I went to get out of the
Speaker 3: car and my son was in the back and he
Speaker 3: started crying. He was like, Dad, please get back.
Speaker 2: In the car.
Speaker 3: And I've been in fights with my dad in a
Speaker 3: car where he fought a bunch of people and I
Speaker 3: was in the car screaming, crying, except he fought them
Speaker 3: all and every light for like half an hour. People
Speaker 3: other cars were like stop, it's a kid in a car.
Speaker 3: And my dad just kept fighting these four guys until
Speaker 3: he worked them.
Speaker 5: Whoa.
Speaker 3: So I caught his face and it all flashed back
Speaker 3: and I was like, oh my god, just stop in
Speaker 3: the car and I was like, I will never do
Speaker 3: that again. Dude. Your dad's got a temper, you know,
Speaker 3: I mean, and I'm gonna work on it. And I
Speaker 3: broke it down to him. And then maybe a year
Speaker 3: or two later of going to therapy and stuff, somebody
Speaker 3: cut me off and I was like, hey, fuck her,
Speaker 3: and he's like, fuck you, bitch. And I went and
Speaker 3: I started rolling and my dad, my son in the
Speaker 3: back goes nice Dad, and I was like what and
Speaker 3: he's like that was really I saw that, like that
Speaker 3: dude needed to be checked and you didn't that like
Speaker 3: it's working. And I was like, oh, thanks, dude. And
Speaker 3: then my daughter was also like, yeah, good one. I remember.
Speaker 1: It's a lot of energy to stop the cycle. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a lot of work, but like I imagine seeing
Speaker 1: your little the little boy in your son's eyes.
Speaker 3: That's what it did.
Speaker 1: That's a time work for like, okay, not even a question.
Speaker 1: I gotta stop this ship.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, so that was a nip that.
Speaker 1: Are your parents still alive?
Speaker 3: No, my dad's dead. My mom still like she just
Speaker 3: had a stroke the other day. She's gonna come see
Speaker 3: me in October. I haven't seen it for over ten years. Wow.
Speaker 3: Because I went on the Stern Show talked about my
Speaker 3: molestation stuff, I wasn't really sure like I was when
Speaker 3: I was twenty seven. I took a bunch of acid
Speaker 3: and a bunch of meth after a demo, and then
Speaker 3: I was at a pool party and the pool was
Speaker 3: closed and nobody could get me out. So I was like,
Speaker 3: I would like hiss the people if they tried to
Speaker 3: touch me. Okay yeah yeah yeah, So everyone was scared,
Speaker 3: and my girlfriend at the time was like, I'll watch him.
Speaker 3: So then everybody was like cool, see her, and they
Speaker 3: left me there in the hotel pool while she watched
Speaker 3: me talk to an invisible person, and the invisible person
Speaker 3: told me that I was molested by my father, and
Speaker 3: I was in shock and crying and talking to this
Speaker 3: invisible person while my girlfriend was watching the whole thing.
Speaker 5: Wow.
Speaker 3: And then the next day when I woke up, I
Speaker 3: remembered it a little bit, like pieces of it. And
Speaker 3: then my girlfriend at the time called my mother because
Speaker 3: my father I think had already No, he hadn't, No,
Speaker 3: he was alive. She said, oh god, I thought he
Speaker 3: forgot that.
Speaker 1: Oh fuck.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, my girlfriend tells me that in the morning,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, wait what.
Speaker 1: She thought that it had been resolved by you forgetting
Speaker 1: that you were molested.
Speaker 3: That's what at the time.
Speaker 2: Who okay, wellsleas gives you confirmation that these like so
Speaker 2: she couldn't go crazy if you when I was.
Speaker 3: Like, wait, what the fuck? Yeah, because I would never
Speaker 3: have thought that I was that guy at all, and
Speaker 3: told me that, and I don't remember that, and I'm
Speaker 3: twenty seven. I thought I'd figured out that I wasn't
Speaker 3: aware of the scarring of how a brain can hide
Speaker 3: stuff because you can't handle it, because that's what I thought.
Speaker 3: I think it's that. I think by the time I
Speaker 3: was twenty seven, I was like, I'll give you a
Speaker 3: little bit, but I'm not going to give it to
Speaker 3: you all. When I was forty, so like I heard that,
Speaker 3: I knew that, and I remember saying, it's my father,
Speaker 3: and then my mom goes, no, you thought it was
Speaker 3: your dad, but it was the neighbor. It was my neighbor.
Speaker 3: He babysitted you and he had red hair, so we
Speaker 3: kind of figured out.
Speaker 5: That it was him, not your father. And I was like, well,
Speaker 5: what did Dad do to that guy? Because I see
Speaker 5: my dad smash people, like end them for little things
Speaker 5: like he had a temper.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I'm like, did you kill him? And he's like, no,
Speaker 3: you like, you know, warned him.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, And I'm like what huh?
Speaker 3: And then I go back to my dad's house and
Speaker 3: I see him in the morning and he's like, how's
Speaker 3: it going. I'm like all right, and he's like you
Speaker 3: think he got molested? I go yeah, he goes, you
Speaker 3: think it was me?
Speaker 5: And I go nah, and he goes, oh okay, and
Speaker 5: then that's it. We never spoke about it ever again.
Speaker 3: Wow. And my dad was not good at sharing emotions,
Speaker 3: Like he never said he loved me or anything. I
Speaker 3: knew he did, but he just couldn't do it when
Speaker 3: I got the first time I got married. At the wedding,
Speaker 3: he said he was proud of me in the speech,
Speaker 3: and that made me us fighting tears so fucking hard,
Speaker 3: because that's the nicest thing, and it's not I'm not
Speaker 3: trying to be like, oh poor me.
Speaker 5: It was just like he couldn't do it.
Speaker 3: He couldn't get it at he was built different, like
Speaker 3: he was raised in a way that was just like,
Speaker 3: I feel sorry for him for all those.
Speaker 2: People, because when you have a moment like that where
Speaker 2: you're experiencing genuine love between a father and son and
Speaker 2: you realize you've never experienced that before with your own father,
Speaker 2: You're like, oh wow, something like it is so pautiful.
Speaker 3: I'm trying to show him that I'm worth something.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: And he passed away down he died.
Speaker 5: And then when I was forty, I got married with
Speaker 5: my second wife and we had two kids.
Speaker 3: And then I had a life coach who said because
Speaker 3: I was like, I think I'm going to cheat, Like
Speaker 3: I was talking to trans girls and I was like,
Speaker 3: something's I'm definitely not straight, Like something's up because I'm
Speaker 3: doing everything in my power not to sleep with these
Speaker 3: trans girls that I know. Yeah, but I'm going to crack.
Speaker 3: I'm going to do it. And he was like, you
Speaker 3: need to sit her down, tell her that. That'll make
Speaker 3: it easy for her to leave you. And also if
Speaker 3: you tell her that before you do it, then she
Speaker 3: doesn't have a reason to flip out and make your
Speaker 3: life hell because trust me, divorce with kids, she can
Speaker 3: wreck you. And I was like okay.
Speaker 5: So we sat down and I told her and she
Speaker 5: was like okay, bye.
Speaker 3: And then because I'm so used to a woman in
Speaker 3: my life, like because I might have a lot of
Speaker 3: people around, this is I didn't discover this then, but
Speaker 3: now I know, like I'm a baby, I want someone
Speaker 3: to take care of me. So because I don't know
Speaker 3: how to take care.
Speaker 1: Of my I was like, this is very straight.
Speaker 3: This is what I thought. You know, I go through myself.
Speaker 3: It's like you came to America when you were seventeen,
Speaker 3: like that ain't nothing. You can do it. But I
Speaker 3: didn't think I could. So then I regretted it, wanted
Speaker 3: it back, went through hell because.
Speaker 1: Did you say, I take it back, I don't want
Speaker 1: to fuck trans women or no.
Speaker 3: No, no, I think well because then I went to
Speaker 3: rehab and then I did like some hypnosis stuff and
Speaker 3: that's when I realized it was bad.
Speaker 4: It was good.
Speaker 1: I've had it it was supposed to do for you.
Speaker 3: What was I thought it was going to be about
Speaker 3: my my brother died in like a really bad accident,
Speaker 3: and it was like something that Okay, I you know,
Speaker 3: that was the person that I was most connected to
Speaker 3: in Australia and he was going to come to America.
Speaker 3: And then I would try, you know, he would drank
Speaker 3: and I got him sober and and I you know,
Speaker 3: he was on the right track. And then like all
Speaker 3: these people partied and they stole a fucking steamroller up
Speaker 3: that I have a house in the mountains, and they
Speaker 3: hot wired a steamroller and two of them were in it,
Speaker 3: and the others were in the and the and I
Speaker 3: think my brother was My brother was on the front
Speaker 3: and this guy was driving. But then the car drove
Speaker 3: off and they were like, where did steam roller go?
Speaker 3: And they come back and it's gone. They went off
Speaker 3: the cliff because they were knocking poles off on the
Speaker 3: side of the road. Instead of the pole tip in,
Speaker 3: it bent and the steamroller went and rolled off. Oh
Speaker 3: my god, he broke his neck died instantly. He's twenty four.
Speaker 3: He's like in the year and I'm so I'm like
Speaker 3: wait what, Like I was about to go home for
Speaker 3: Christmas and my father died like the year before, on
Speaker 3: the map, pedaling up to the top of that mountain,
Speaker 3: trying to show my other brother that he can do
Speaker 3: anything he can do, which so he died on top
Speaker 3: of the mat. So now I'm back on this fucking
Speaker 3: hill again, carrying another fucking relative in the same year.
Speaker 3: And it's just like, it's my other brother's shattering because
Speaker 3: that those two are like both full brothers. That's my
Speaker 3: half brother. And I moved over here like I'm trying
Speaker 3: to I was always trying to get out. I never
Speaker 3: made any sense in that family. That's why I don't
Speaker 3: blame my stepmom for not being the hugest fan of me,
Speaker 3: because I was fucked. I was like crazy and probably
Speaker 3: rubbing my brothers like they were your affluence in a
Speaker 3: bad way.
Speaker 5: But I also don't want to take full responsibility.
Speaker 3: Because I got my crazy from my dad. He's in
Speaker 3: the same fucking house.
Speaker 1: So I was just I like the crazy when it's
Speaker 1: your father, but not when it's you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I understood her angle. It's like, you're not
Speaker 3: even you. I mean, if you went back to your
Speaker 3: mom's I could have this family, you know, I mean
Speaker 3: with these two great kids with no scars, they're unscarred
Speaker 3: and make it work.
Speaker 2: So what did this hypnosis reveal to you? Because you
Speaker 2: thought it was going to be about your brother's death.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but instead it was about the molestation and who
Speaker 3: did it and the face and the dick.
Speaker 2: So did you I did hypnotherapy to recover molestation memories
Speaker 2: that I was like, I don't know if this is
Speaker 2: true or not, and the memories came clear. They were
Speaker 2: pretty clear, and the one guy one of the incidences, I.
Speaker 1: Was like, I don't know who this guy is. I
Speaker 1: just know like generally what he is.
Speaker 2: But I was able to successfully disassociate from the memory.
Speaker 2: So I almost watched myself experience it. But I wasn't
Speaker 2: like upset, which yeah, yeah, kind of shocked because I'm
Speaker 2: a very emotional person.
Speaker 1: Did it also happen with you.
Speaker 3: A little bit? But nah, it was still scared. But
Speaker 3: then that's when I started to I had another vision
Speaker 3: of being in another house. When we were doing a
Speaker 3: little bit, my father started to make some money, and
Speaker 3: I have my own bedroom and there was a heat
Speaker 3: lamp that would come into my room. It was like
Speaker 3: a big circle, like the orange glowy thing. And I
Speaker 3: was under the bed holding onto the beds the mattress
Speaker 3: strings with my fingers and my toes.
Speaker 5: So I pulled myself off the ground. So I was
Speaker 5: like under the mattress holding onto it, and I was like,
Speaker 5: who is that and why am I so scared of it?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 3: And I felt like it was my father, but I
Speaker 3: didn't know right then because I'm now I'm like I'm
Speaker 3: trying to fix myself. So now I did MDMA therapy. Yeah, doctor,
Speaker 3: and that was the worst thing ever because what was good,
Speaker 3: but just to know that it was him and the
Speaker 3: things that happened to me, Yeah, it's just so fucked.
Speaker 3: It's just not right, you know, Like I don't know
Speaker 3: why anybody would do that to anybody. But in the end,
Speaker 3: I remember holding like I was on the holding on
Speaker 3: to the springs, and the lamp got right over to
Speaker 3: me and I was like, please stop, and then the
Speaker 3: lamp went away, and then my mind followed the lamp
Speaker 3: back to the bedroom where he realized what he was doing.
Speaker 3: Was hurting me, and I felt like I felt like
Speaker 3: he didn't know he was hurting me until right then
Speaker 3: when I said stop. That's what I came up with,
Speaker 3: which is also like I want this not to be real.
Speaker 3: You know, like my brother, my other brother doesn't really,
Speaker 3: we don't really, we don't talk.
Speaker 5: Anymore, like we talk a little bit because of this.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because he was like, no, he didn't, And I
Speaker 3: was like, I'm like, you don't even know anything about dad?
Speaker 3: Did you know that he was doing live sex shows
Speaker 3: before he died? Like none of you know this? I
Speaker 3: fucking no because I was older and and the guy
Speaker 3: that worked with him told me after he died because
Speaker 3: he was a cheeto and he finally cleared it up.
Speaker 3: But it turns out when he finally cleared it up,
Speaker 3: he wasn't cleared up at all. He was doing like
Speaker 3: he owned like half a sex shop or something. He
Speaker 3: was he was doing it sounds like he might.
Speaker 1: Have been molested too.
Speaker 5: That temper will do it try to bang my auntie.
Speaker 1: H so oh so he so your grandfather molested his daughter. Okay,
Speaker 1: so she.
Speaker 3: Wouldn't be surprised that she did it to dad too,
Speaker 3: Because my grandfather before he passed away, he transitioned to
Speaker 3: a lady. And I remember when I came back from
Speaker 3: America one time, my dad picked me up at the
Speaker 3: airport and he goes, guess what fucking Jock is now?
Speaker 3: And I'm like, that's my granddad's now. I'm like what
Speaker 3: he's a fucking woman and I'm like, what do you mean?
Speaker 3: He's like fucking trainny and I'm like, oh, whoa crazy?
Speaker 3: I'm like, why are you angry about it? He's like
Speaker 3: you believe it? And I'm like yeah, yeah, but I
Speaker 3: mean why you met R. I was so confused as
Speaker 3: to why. I'm like, I still would told the jock
Speaker 3: whatever her name is now, I'm told her sure, Like
Speaker 3: I don't under still my granddad never I never had
Speaker 3: that hate.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: Well, I wonder to know if your dad was molested
Speaker 1: by I.
Speaker 3: Don't know, but I would.
Speaker 5: I would bet on it because Jock was was a
Speaker 5: weird guy.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I shouldn't be saying names, but whatever, they don't
Speaker 3: like me anymore. I don't know. I feel bad.
Speaker 2: About it, is though, It's wild, like doing this podcast
Speaker 2: for over a decade, molest station is so prevalent, and
Speaker 2: you got to talk about it, like, if it's happened
Speaker 2: to anybody on the show, like I would, you know,
Speaker 2: obviously don't if you don't feel comfortable, But if you do,
Speaker 2: I think that's a gift because it's wild.
Speaker 3: You got to get it out everybody, And like, I mean,
Speaker 3: if it's happened to you, you've got to face it.
Speaker 3: That was the same with the ayahuasca. It just wouldn't
Speaker 3: let me.
Speaker 1: I can't run from it.
Speaker 3: I couldn't run from it. It just kept showing me
Speaker 3: the worst parts. And I was like, stop it, and
Speaker 3: it was like we're not stopping, Like We're going to
Speaker 3: keep showing you this until you can't until you accept it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you feel and you feel for that little
Speaker 2: boy who was hurt, and a lot of level that
Speaker 2: is incumbreention.
Speaker 3: Which brings so much anger, right, And I was going to.
Speaker 2: Say, that's where the temper comes from, because you're so
Speaker 2: mad that that little boy had to go through that.
Speaker 3: I remember the first time I realized it happened, I
Speaker 3: had that urge to just fucking kill everything. And I
Speaker 3: was like, you need to you need to find another
Speaker 3: way to get this out because you're going to ruin
Speaker 3: your whole life, you know. And at forty, I felt
Speaker 3: like I'd already done it all and I'm like, you're
Speaker 3: going I feel like I'm twelve. I have like a
Speaker 3: twelve year old's like rage, you know, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: this is I have like two kids, an ex wife,
Speaker 3: I have a business to run, and I'm about to
Speaker 3: fucking lose it. And I really was like desperate for help.
Speaker 3: And that's when I was like I'll take anything. I
Speaker 3: remember being so scared. IY wasco I didn't want to
Speaker 3: do it at all.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's my next I want to do that.
Speaker 3: I just had to. I had to find I had
Speaker 3: to do everything I could to get happy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, where did you join? Like Peru? Did you do it?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 3: I how did somebody from Peru come to my house
Speaker 3: for three days?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: Wow? By myself?
Speaker 1: Do you have experience? Did you once? Or did you
Speaker 1: do it with the integrat.
Speaker 3: Three days in a row?
Speaker 1: Well? Three days in a row?
Speaker 2: Wow?
Speaker 3: And what was that?
Speaker 1: How did you feel after good?
Speaker 3: I mean, it wasn't It's not like you know, I mean,
Speaker 3: all of a sudden they come out of it and
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm fixed. The medicine stays in you so
Speaker 3: to me, it's like a voice where the decisions you
Speaker 3: make or the reactions you have to things, it tells
Speaker 3: you why you're doing it and kind of like slows
Speaker 3: you down, like you're doing this because of your childhood.
Speaker 3: I mean, like this person is not your father, this
Speaker 3: person just cut you off, or like it's not the
Speaker 3: same person. You're going from one to fucking eleven because
Speaker 3: because you're ready to go to eleven at all, at
Speaker 3: all costs. You want to go to eleven, you're living
Speaker 3: in it. So it just made me realize how angry
Speaker 3: I am and how I need to get it out.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but what do you do for fun?
Speaker 3: Fuck?
Speaker 1: Because you're sober?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Well I smoke weight all the time.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you're LA sober.
Speaker 3: Yeah I'm saying that. Please.
Speaker 5: I really like Los Angeles, but that one's bad.
Speaker 3: Well because it's just not It's not like LA is
Speaker 3: the only people that do that. Everybody.
Speaker 5: Look, if you drink, you get messy, you feel like shit,
Speaker 5: you're hungover, you can't go to the gym. Say you
Speaker 5: take shrooms, you're kind of enlightened. If you take a lot,
Speaker 5: you kind of laugh and gig. If you take a lot,
Speaker 5: a lot.
Speaker 3: Then you go to another dimension you wake up like
Speaker 3: kind of smarter. Yeah, it's never really bad. I mean
Speaker 3: waight is like you know mean, don't like, don't just eat,
Speaker 3: don't do stupid like, don't make it like, don't get angry.
Speaker 3: I don't get angry.
Speaker 1: Oh totally for sure.
Speaker 3: Yeah, fucking you have it.
Speaker 1: You know, stoners are sharers. They don't get mad.
Speaker 2: Like I had a year of like like being violently suicidal,
Speaker 2: and like what saved me was smoking weed in the morning,
Speaker 2: which I never did. But I'm like, thank God that
Speaker 2: this drug exists and have access to it because it
Speaker 2: just makes me go, that's.
Speaker 3: What I do. It just helps.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm a fan of it makes me nice to people, yeah,
Speaker 5: or not more understanding.
Speaker 3: I like, Hi, Jason, So how do.
Speaker 2: You seek out pleasures sexually now versus before all this
Speaker 2: all these Yeah.
Speaker 3: That's a good question because of thanks to therapy. There
Speaker 3: was a time there where when I started doing gay
Speaker 3: stuff and my wife showed me the grinder.
Speaker 1: App and then she showed it to you as like
Speaker 1: to egg you on.
Speaker 3: Like That's how I came out because of her. When
Speaker 3: I first met her, I was definitely not interested in
Speaker 3: being married to anybody because I was paying my ex
Speaker 3: like more money than so.
Speaker 1: Is this the second wave of the third wife?
Speaker 3: Third wife?
Speaker 1: Third wife?
Speaker 3: Okay? And she was like crazy tattooed chick, and she
Speaker 3: taught me about blood play. She like slashed my eyes
Speaker 3: and spit it all over me, and hell yeah.
Speaker 5: I was like, oh my god, this chick is evil,
Speaker 5: Like this is so cool and she seemed crazy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I was really into it. And then she
Speaker 3: I had a calendar of trans girls because one of
Speaker 3: the trans girls on my show gave it to me,
Speaker 3: and she goes, what's this And I'm like it's calendar.
Speaker 3: Are you into this? And I'm like maybe, and she
Speaker 3: was like really and in a way where it was
Speaker 3: not like really, it was yeah, yeah yeah, and I'm
Speaker 3: like yeah. And she's like, would you fuck him? And
Speaker 3: I was like yep, she would you a guy? And
Speaker 3: I was like, yep, that's so hot. And I was
Speaker 3: like that's so hot. Yeah, oh ship, we can hang out?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, let's get married.
Speaker 3: And then she kind of and then she kind of
Speaker 3: pushed it on me, and then she had a few
Speaker 3: friends that knew and then I had like a little
Speaker 3: community of where Jason could talk about getting sucked off
Speaker 3: by a guy yourself, nobody made fun of me. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so I kind of felt like this ain't so bad.
Speaker 3: And it also made me feel like I got something
Speaker 3: off me, Like I was like, wait, I think I'm
Speaker 3: supposed to tell people who I am really, because I've
Speaker 3: been hiding this. So then that's when The Stern Show
Speaker 3: said the last interview I ever did there, They were like,
Speaker 3: do you have any They did They asked me all
Speaker 3: these questions before I do it, and then they go,
Speaker 3: is there anything else that you would want to say?
Speaker 3: And I was like, yeah, I might be by and
Speaker 3: the I was like I'm sorry, what was?
Speaker 1: What was?
Speaker 3: And I was like, oh, here we go.
Speaker 1: I started jacking off and.
Speaker 3: Jason could come back for sure now. Yeah. So then
Speaker 3: when that came out and I wasn't sure who molested me,
Speaker 3: I thought it was my grandfather. At one point I
Speaker 3: just would have made I just couldn't say that it
Speaker 3: was him. Yeah, it's just respect. I looked up to
Speaker 3: him so much, like that's the person that I looked
Speaker 3: up to the most in my life.
Speaker 2: A lot of times abusers make it such like they
Speaker 2: make you their hero in a way of like in
Speaker 2: a combination between the abuse and like also like acting
Speaker 2: like a father figure a leader figure for.
Speaker 1: You so they have more control. And you're like, wait,
Speaker 1: till it was that real?
Speaker 3: Or was that not seem as like? I didn't. I
Speaker 3: still don't believe it as a plan. I just think
Speaker 3: it's a reaction because I think that's how I was.
Speaker 3: I did. I didn't him in with with these guys.
Speaker 3: I was letting. I was just blow jobs. But I
Speaker 3: would just pick it was funny. I would pick like small.
Speaker 3: There was a time that I picked small Asian guys
Speaker 3: because my dad lost these business at one point and
Speaker 3: it was a small Asian guy that bought it. And
Speaker 3: he was really mean to my father in front of me.
Speaker 3: Oh wow yeah yeah face fuck him and then get
Speaker 3: the fuck out of here. Wow. The but they like that,
Speaker 3: that's this is not like that I started. This is
Speaker 3: the thing that they guys would come over and just
Speaker 3: want to be like yeah, and I'm like, what is happening?
Speaker 1: They can read something in a safe situation.
Speaker 2: That's why kink is really it can be really therapeutic
Speaker 2: because it's like let's play pretend here, but you have
Speaker 2: to earn trust before you. Yeah, you have to like
Speaker 2: and then if you think about it, it's it's a
Speaker 2: more safer environment than just meeting a guy at a bar.
Speaker 1: And drunkenly fucking them.
Speaker 3: Yeah you know, yeah, community.
Speaker 1: Is very mindful of rules and consent.
Speaker 3: But anyway, my therapist broke that down to me and
Speaker 3: he was like, you're going you're trying to relate to
Speaker 3: your childhood. You're trying to get your power back the
Speaker 3: people that molested you. You're trying to get him back.
Speaker 3: And when I realized that, boy, did that take that away?
Speaker 3: Like make me vomit? Like just the thought about I.
Speaker 1: Was going to ask you, I made certain sexual things
Speaker 1: less fun.
Speaker 3: Fuck you? It ended that more. Well, then that's how
Speaker 3: I broke up with my wife because then I started
Speaker 3: to want to have a connection with the person. So
Speaker 3: my ex and I had a thing where I could
Speaker 3: sleep with people. Boys are boys are easier to sleep
Speaker 3: with when it comes to oh, you're married, but I
Speaker 3: can still blow you cool. A girl's like, wait, are
Speaker 3: you married?
Speaker 1: I want a whole conversation. They don't believe you, yea.
Speaker 3: So then whenever I would meet a girl that I
Speaker 3: would start to like and sleep with my ex. Didn't
Speaker 3: really like that, even though the only way she could
Speaker 3: sleep with another guy was because they had a mental connection.
Speaker 1: But you didn't.
Speaker 2: That didn't threaten your sense of safety, and yeah, are
Speaker 2: their ground rules about that though, like or what like
Speaker 2: that you couldn't form an emotional connection or I mean
Speaker 2: it's kind of like you can say that, but then
Speaker 2: how can you actually prevnt it? Yeah, I mean it's
Speaker 2: only your job to stop it.
Speaker 1: Once it happened.
Speaker 3: I don't think we discussed it enough how things evolved,
Speaker 3: and then I got way gayer, right because I started
Speaker 3: to open up to it and accept it. And then
Speaker 3: some gay guys, you know, like like butt fucking Like
Speaker 3: like the first time someone said can you but fuck me?
Speaker 3: I was like, fuck off, it's so gay, right, And
Speaker 3: then I was like maybe I should try it, you know.
Speaker 3: And then I was like, he looks like he's having fun.
Speaker 3: Maybe I should get but fucked you.
Speaker 1: Got a treasure trove up your eye?
Speaker 3: And then I did, and I was like, wait a minute,
Speaker 3: you can have multiple orgasms from you, but yeah, welcome. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm like I'm not giving this up. I'm in, Like
Speaker 3: I'm I'm going to be in butt fucking mania more.
Speaker 2: I'm so happy to hear you say that, because I
Speaker 2: there was a part point in the podcast where I
Speaker 2: was so pro too, pro guys getting something up their ass.
Speaker 2: I saw my boyfriend at the time was like, found
Speaker 2: a prostate simulator. If I porn video of a guy using.
Speaker 1: It, and he's like, that looks fun. I'm like, looks
Speaker 1: cause it is, let's go.
Speaker 2: And I watched him and I saw I was like
Speaker 2: doing stuff to him while he had that in You
Speaker 2: see a man come and you're like, wait, this gets
Speaker 2: me off.
Speaker 1: This will be my spank bank the rest of my life.
Speaker 1: How hard you're coming? And I'm like, I can't believe.
Speaker 1: Why why would you think? Why would you not do
Speaker 1: this activity? Because you're like it's great A gay who
Speaker 1: gives a fuck?
Speaker 3: It's in my stand up I say it. I'm like,
Speaker 3: you know I'm out here, you know, I forget I
Speaker 3: how to I got. I learned how to wash my
Speaker 3: butt at like I got like this metal host thing
Speaker 3: on the show. So I just watched that super quick
Speaker 3: and easy. And then you know, it's only a couple
Speaker 3: of people that I trust that do it to me
Speaker 3: and I can have like I'm having orgasms that I
Speaker 3: can't have any other way.
Speaker 1: You have a butt fucking rotation. I love that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but up a clothes butt fuckers.
Speaker 6: I feel like.
Speaker 3: When I first tried to get a finger in there,
Speaker 3: I could tell that there was a barrier of straightness.
Speaker 3: And then if I have jokes about it, where to
Speaker 3: me it was it turned into a straight wrestler because
Speaker 3: I was like trying to get a finger out there,
Speaker 3: and I was telling my butt like, hey, but just
Speaker 3: let it go, man, and then my butt's like no,
Speaker 3: like only because that's what straight homophobes say. Sure, And
Speaker 3: I was like, wait, what what You're my butt like,
Speaker 3: let me in. I was like, no, dude, if things
Speaker 3: go in there, you're gonna have the gay and that's bad.
Speaker 1: They're gay.
Speaker 3: That's how I stand down. I'm just trying to explain
Speaker 3: to straight people, this is the easiest way to do it.
Speaker 3: I love it, but I could feel it like if
Speaker 3: something goes in there, I'm being a girl. Something's effeminine
Speaker 3: about me.
Speaker 1: This is petrated.
Speaker 3: But then when I finally was like just let it go,
Speaker 3: it went in easier. And also once it went in easier,
Speaker 3: I was like, wait, what was that feeling that's new
Speaker 3: and that's good, Like that's a new good feeling. Keep
Speaker 3: going and then I'm like, Okay, something's happening now that's
Speaker 3: never happened before. The first time I had, I came.
Speaker 3: I make a joke about like girls have multiple orgasms
Speaker 3: and they say that they don't know how many times
Speaker 3: they come.
Speaker 5: Sometimes I've heard that, and I never analyzed that.
Speaker 3: I was just like, good for you. Yeah, me as
Speaker 3: a guy that comes one time, you think he would
Speaker 3: have analyzed that a little bit more. Yeah, But when
Speaker 3: this happened and I was like, I'm coming, and I
Speaker 3: look down and not jeers, and then again and again
Speaker 3: and again, and I'm like, okay, I officially don't know
Speaker 3: how many times I've come. And then I came, And
Speaker 3: you guys don't want to do it because you think
Speaker 3: it's gay. You're gay. Yeah, I'm the fucking man over
Speaker 3: here because I let things up my ass and I
Speaker 3: have like seven jizzes in one jizz and you're like, well,
Speaker 3: you're homo elis. I'm like, dude, seven jizz is sleeping
Speaker 3: like a gay baby, Like fuck you guys.
Speaker 2: I always thought it's so funny that certain men who
Speaker 2: were homophobic equated homosexuality with like femininity, where I'm like,
Speaker 2: that's one of the mainliniest.
Speaker 1: Things you could do as a man fucking another man.
Speaker 3: I also feel like the more I get fucked, the
Speaker 3: more I know how to fuck, Like that makes me better.
Speaker 3: Like all the bed sm stuff I've done, and all
Speaker 3: those things have taught me how to be nicer or
Speaker 3: if I'm going to be firm, like how to do
Speaker 3: it in a way where it's not penetrating people without
Speaker 3: just just shoving it in there. Fucking straight dudes some
Speaker 3: tips from that. Yeah, Once one dude with my earlier
Speaker 3: but fucking career did that. He had a decent dick,
Speaker 3: and I pulled away and my hand clinched like I
Speaker 3: was gonna somebody. I was like, Joe ever do that?
Speaker 3: It was like some pain that like I felt it
Speaker 3: in my forehead.
Speaker 1: Yeah, my third eye was.
Speaker 3: Third eye.
Speaker 1: Next life, you're gonna have a weird thing with your
Speaker 1: button up.
Speaker 3: Every time I ever put my penis in anything, I
Speaker 3: baby it because I'm like, I don't want to ever
Speaker 3: be that person.
Speaker 1: No, no one, It's never good to just go.
Speaker 3: But it made me realized that there were times in
Speaker 3: my younger day where I sure did that. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Oh every woman who sleeps with man have had that
Speaker 2: happen to the many times the jackhammery.
Speaker 3: Was to say, jackhammer, come on, Kyle, play off the
Speaker 3: monster and like feel it, don't fucking pussy?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah, yeah, wow, you still sleep.
Speaker 5: With women too, fuck you. I still love women the most.
Speaker 1: Yeah, good, I should.
Speaker 3: I still like to telling my manager, like, if a
Speaker 3: hot girl walks by, I try not to look at
Speaker 3: it because I don't want to be inappropriate. But I
Speaker 3: have to tell myself not to.
Speaker 5: If a hot guy walks by, I don't have to
Speaker 5: tell myself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't really care. Yeah, but when it comes
Speaker 3: to six, when we're all naked, it's pretty hard to
Speaker 3: you know, beat a hard dick. It's pretty cool. Yeah.
Speaker 3: And it's like trans girls and guys too, now maybe
Speaker 3: more I think trans guys.
Speaker 2: Imagine people are like very in touch with their body
Speaker 2: because they've been through an evolution with and it's like, oh,
Speaker 2: you're like really present to me.
Speaker 3: There's like levels like skateboarding and fighting and stuff like
Speaker 3: you know, you got your stock people, and to me
Speaker 3: it's like, you know, you're like you like soap shoes
Speaker 3: and heelies, and then there's like, you know, people that
Speaker 3: like skate on the weekends, and then there's pros you
Speaker 3: know what I mean. The level is like no, they're
Speaker 3: not they ain't playing. Yeah, And to me, it's like,
Speaker 3: you know, you got stock people in bed, and you've
Speaker 3: got people that like a little kink and then people
Speaker 3: that have less in a bit like because to me,
Speaker 3: it's the what if someone sees or what if someone
Speaker 3: tells somebody that I was into.
Speaker 5: This it's in their own head. Because I've had six
Speaker 5: with a couple of.
Speaker 3: Straight, normal girls lately and I'm I'm thinking to myself,
Speaker 3: well it's happening, Why did you want to do this?
Speaker 1: What was wrong with it?
Speaker 3: They're not in my They're not in my head, they're
Speaker 3: not present, they're not there. Yeah, they're like I really
Speaker 3: want it, and I'm like, but I'm here right, Like
Speaker 3: you're not. You're not You're just taking it for the story, yeah.
Speaker 2: Or just like I think a lot of women like
Speaker 2: That's why a lot of women, especially in their twenties,
Speaker 2: will like get drunk before they have sex almost every
Speaker 2: single time because they don't know how to enjoy it
Speaker 2: and be present yeah, it's tricky to be present.
Speaker 1: It's very vulnerable, very it is.
Speaker 3: But if you're not to me, if you're not there,
Speaker 3: I'm not doing it. It doesn't make any sense anymore.
Speaker 3: It's like dragging off filmost now.
Speaker 5: Yeah, like you're not with me, You're just like, do
Speaker 5: we do it?
Speaker 3: Was it good? I'm like, what do you mean?
Speaker 1: Was it you?
Speaker 3: You should have been there?
Speaker 2: Oh asking if it's good to me, it's like so
Speaker 2: it feels so like they're being performative then, you know,
Speaker 2: because just like you should be able to know how
Speaker 2: it was for you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I don't know. I just I just know
Speaker 3: that I've always been good at knowing who's going to
Speaker 3: be good in bed with me?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, usually have good calls with that good right now?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't go for textbook Yeah yeah, stunning And
Speaker 3: I'm like, man.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know that's going to be like in bed,
Speaker 2: little fish, you can tell them I just looking at
Speaker 2: someone or by a small interaction looking at him, they're
Speaker 2: really you takeing their energy when you look at them.
Speaker 3: I imagine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like a Google image, sir, so you have to
Speaker 1: see okay, okay, so when did when? When?
Speaker 2: How old were you when you started actually having sexual
Speaker 2: interactions with men.
Speaker 3: Well, I had a couple of things that happened when
Speaker 3: I was really young. It's weird. I got unless Yeah, okay,
Speaker 3: so yeah, I got to about I think once I
Speaker 3: got to about fourteen. There was one of my skateboard
Speaker 3: buddies blew me out of nowhere at his house. His
Speaker 3: mom walked in, he like squ turned around like acted
Speaker 3: like he wasn't sucking my dick, and I was just
Speaker 3: sitting there like, and he's like, uh, sandwiches a come
Speaker 3: out place.
Speaker 1: And I was like, she's sorry, is he is that
Speaker 1: person gay?
Speaker 3: Or I don't know. We don't know. I don't know ago,
Speaker 3: So I was curious. Then I had another friend. I
Speaker 3: don't want to get too into the circus. People would
Speaker 3: figure it out. But I was around seventeen and he
Speaker 3: blew me in a jacuzzi with no warning. No we
Speaker 3: were best friends, and I'm like, what the fuck you
Speaker 3: remember we were? We were we were not sleeping with women.
Speaker 3: We were, you know, somewhere where that wasn't we were
Speaker 3: skating right there was no girls around, And I was like, okay,
Speaker 3: I just let it happenah. And I never really thought
Speaker 3: much about it, and I guess a couple of times
Speaker 3: we blew each other, maybe three times all up something
Speaker 3: like that, because you couldn't. We didn't live anywhere to
Speaker 3: have our own house. It was just like a thing
Speaker 3: where when we weren't talking and then he'd start to
Speaker 3: do it and I'd be like, yeah, okay, I never
Speaker 3: really thought about it. Yeah, And I think the first
Speaker 3: time it really happened was a trans girl. I took
Speaker 3: a bunch of ecstasy and I was at a big
Speaker 3: dinner with a bunch of other skateboarders in Australia and
Speaker 3: this big, tall girl comes in and she's really pretty,
Speaker 3: she like el McPherson. I was real tall, super model
Speaker 3: like Landy And I'm like damn. And she sits down
Speaker 3: across the table from me, and everyone goes, this is
Speaker 3: this so and so, And she's looking at me and
Speaker 3: I'm like looking at her, and she's looking at me,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, okay, it's on, Yeah, it's already on.
Speaker 3: I'm like, this is like really happening. She's like, do
Speaker 3: you want to go? And I was like yes, I
Speaker 3: love nice. And I had a girlfriend at the time
Speaker 3: and we had an open relationship and I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go. She's like, yeah, yeah, going, Oh nice,
Speaker 3: and then she ended up. My other skateboard buddy was like,
Speaker 3: oh he's going with her, then I could go with
Speaker 3: you because we used to swap sometimes and she'd already
Speaker 3: got sick of him and she was like, nah, I
Speaker 3: don't want to do that. So he took that as
Speaker 3: fuck me. Oh so many years I think like two
Speaker 3: years later in America, he decided to not be my
Speaker 3: friend anymore and tell everybody that I fucked this person.
Speaker 3: And I denied it because in skateboarding at the time,
Speaker 3: people said, hey, man, I heard you're a fag real,
Speaker 3: but I know it's not true because I know you
Speaker 3: and you like hang out with like all these chicken
Speaker 3: Because I was a womanizer a little bit, like I
Speaker 3: was a dude's dude, like I skated very aggressively, like
Speaker 3: I was more mainly than most of the men of skateboard.
Speaker 2: You were shattering this version of masculinity that these people
Speaker 2: were probably clinging to.
Speaker 1: It.
Speaker 3: Sure, yeah, so I denied it, and there was a
Speaker 3: few people that said, look, man, I mean I know
Speaker 3: you're not, but if you were a fag like we
Speaker 3: wouldn't be cool, no that, and I was like yeah, obviously,
Speaker 3: But then that knowing that I still wasn't sure what
Speaker 3: I was. I couldn't say I'm gay. I couldn't say
Speaker 3: I'm by. I wasn't the word yet. I was just like,
Speaker 3: I do stuff sometimes that's kind of gay, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean? But I want to marry a lady
Speaker 3: like I want.
Speaker 1: To have Mary.
Speaker 3: It was very I was confusing as to what I was,
Speaker 3: and I didn't have anyone to talk to about it.
Speaker 3: All I did was deny it, and it got so
Speaker 3: heavy that the guy kept saying it to people and
Speaker 3: there was like altercations. My friends were fighting. Hish, my god.
Speaker 3: So I moved back to Australia and retired because I
Speaker 3: couldn't take it anymore.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 3: So I kind of ended my career. I got on heroin,
Speaker 3: like oh, oh, yeah, I did heroin.
Speaker 1: When you suppressed a part of yourself like that, yeah,
Speaker 1: turning drugs.
Speaker 3: And when I lived in Australi, there was no pro skateboarders,
Speaker 3: so nobody went to the ramp with me and I
Speaker 3: was I was by myself all day because anybody I
Speaker 3: knew was either dead from heroin or had jobs and
Speaker 3: they were like, I'm like, hey, man, what are you
Speaker 3: doing it like twelve and they're like, I'm at work.
Speaker 3: You're fucking idiot, right, animal, Man, that's gonna suck. I'm
Speaker 3: just smoking weed trying to get some ecstasy. Like it's
Speaker 3: like I got I got no job. I get paid
Speaker 3: to skate.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then I started doing heroin. I skip hookers because
Speaker 3: I get drunk, go to the this real sketchy place
Speaker 3: where everyone's a junkie, and I would get a blow
Speaker 3: jover fifty bucks and then they're like, you know, I
Speaker 3: started to realize they were all on heroin. I'm like,
Speaker 3: just heroin all about let me get some?
Speaker 1: Yeah, would you go?
Speaker 3: So she taught me how to chase the dragon.
Speaker 1: What's that?
Speaker 3: You put heroin on foil and you light it underneath
Speaker 3: and you got a pen in your mouth and you
Speaker 3: just suck the smoke up.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: So that would get me pretty high, to the point
Speaker 3: where I started vomiting. I would go to a parking
Speaker 3: lot on the beach and make at all and vomit
Speaker 3: and then go back to the house and act like
Speaker 3: nothing happened, and uh. And then I had enough. I
Speaker 3: hated my life so much. I was like, I'm getting
Speaker 3: two hookers and I'm going to let him inject it.
Speaker 3: I was like, hey, you know you guys are because
Speaker 3: I was like, you get some heroin and they're like
Speaker 3: you were cop because I didn't know. I didn't know.
Speaker 3: I didn't say smack. I was just got a heroin
Speaker 3: and they're like no. But eventually I convinced them and
Speaker 3: I had a bunch of money with me and I
Speaker 3: got heroin and I remember thinking like, they're not going
Speaker 3: to shoot me up with a lot because they're gonna
Speaker 3: want it, but I couldn't do it. They had to
Speaker 3: do it, but I was.
Speaker 5: I was fucking one of them while the other one injected.
Speaker 3: Me, and I remember going, oh, wow, you know this
Speaker 3: is really happening. And then I'm gone, I'm gone.
Speaker 1: Well shah.
Speaker 3: And then I wake up in a up against a
Speaker 3: kid's playground, asleep in the dark in a park that
Speaker 3: was a lot of those. But I woke up like,
Speaker 3: so I was out so I could have died, yeah,
Speaker 3: And they dragged me to this park and when I
Speaker 3: started to walk out of the park, I realized where
Speaker 3: I was and it was like, you don't want to
Speaker 3: be there, and it was like four in the morning
Speaker 3: and I'm just an unconscious kid up against his wall
Speaker 3: and then I reached my wallet. My wallet's empty, so
Speaker 3: they robbed me and somebody dragged me out there to die,
Speaker 3: and I was like, Okay, that's it. That's that's it.
Speaker 3: You need to not do that ever again. So I
Speaker 3: never did Heroin ever again. And then that's when ESPN
Speaker 3: were like, hey, do you want to do some stuff.
Speaker 1: For X games, like great timing because I and I
Speaker 1: was like, you know what, I.
Speaker 3: Think I'll go back to America. I think the dust
Speaker 3: settled from the you know, easy gay thing, right because
Speaker 3: that guy had started to kind of drop off a
Speaker 3: little bit and people didn't care as much. And then
Speaker 3: I got a whole new career, started hanging out with
Speaker 3: That's when Tony and I knew Tony Hope. But we
Speaker 3: went on tour together and it was a really odd
Speaker 3: friendship where I was like, you're tweet because he was
Speaker 3: kind of into He taught me. He was like, you
Speaker 3: know what a cat in the bathtub is? And I'm
Speaker 3: like no, and he's like, it's like put your dick
Speaker 3: in your balls into ps.
Speaker 5: I just didn't know what's.
Speaker 3: He's done. Just he just I just just said he
Speaker 3: thought that was funny. Made me go, man, I like
Speaker 3: this guy.
Speaker 5: That was a really really bad way to explain how
Speaker 5: friendship came.
Speaker 3: No, no, no.
Speaker 2: Now, if you're sucked up though, and you meet somebody
Speaker 2: and they say something like and you thought they were
Speaker 2: like a little clean and they reviewed themselves to find
Speaker 2: that ship funny, I'm like, oh.
Speaker 3: You're my brother. That's what happened there. So we became
Speaker 3: really good friends from that, and then things started to
Speaker 3: turn around again.
Speaker 1: So wow, what a journey life is your temper good?
Speaker 1: Does this still come up around Lewis?
Speaker 3: I was that line a little bit?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Good point, Yeah, yeah, it's okay.
Speaker 1: Everyone has.
Speaker 3: But the difference is called him after it and said
Speaker 3: I lost it. You don't understand, like I've been training
Speaker 3: and you can. You're and you're lying to people saying
Speaker 3: you're pulling out because your knees hurt, Like you don't
Speaker 3: want to fight even though you pick this fight and
Speaker 3: I spent two years like I don't play that game.
Speaker 5: Like if I'm gonna fight, I don't care how good
Speaker 5: you are. I'm ready to beat the best guy.
Speaker 3: There is like you're not beating me, like this is
Speaker 3: one time, like you're getting white and more so, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna make a like a thing about you. Like people
Speaker 3: are gonna be like, like, don't pick fights with Jason.
Speaker 3: It's not a game, Like if you fight me, you're
Speaker 3: gonna get really hurt, right, And I was like, I
Speaker 3: don't want to do that. That's the other thing. The
Speaker 3: older I get, the less I'm into that like I
Speaker 3: used to. When I first started fighting, I had a
Speaker 3: lot of anger. My coach was a very violent man,
Speaker 3: and I thought that fighting was like you, like I thought.
Speaker 3: I thought to knock people out every Thursday and Friday,
Speaker 3: you know, So I knock people out and then went
Speaker 3: to work. So it wasn't a big deal. Like I
Speaker 3: didn't think that I was hurting you. I didn't know
Speaker 3: about ct or CTI or whatever any of that stuff.
Speaker 3: So then you know, things evolve, You get to know
Speaker 3: and I'm like, wait, that guy's mean, Like I don't
Speaker 3: want to hurt people. And then when I got really
Speaker 3: way older, at the last fight I had, I was like,
Speaker 3: you know, I'm training and doing jiu jitsu and learning things,
Speaker 3: and it's like you get to a certain point where
Speaker 3: if I pull this a little further, I'm going to
Speaker 3: rip your arm, like I'm going to break your arm.
Speaker 3: And I remember my coach going, you think that the
Speaker 3: guy that gets your arm is not going to do that,
Speaker 3: like this is a fight, man, And when I realized that,
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, that I don't like ripping my
Speaker 3: arm to shred seems like really over the top and
Speaker 3: non necessary. Yeah, so you know, and then it turns
Speaker 3: out in the fire, like at the very end of
Speaker 3: the fire, he beat me up in the first round,
Speaker 3: almost knocked me out, didn't know where I was for
Speaker 3: like two minutes. So then I got back in it,
Speaker 3: and at the very end I got him and I
Speaker 3: started to tear it and things started to pop. Oh,
Speaker 3: and I said tap. I screamed at him, tap tap,
Speaker 3: And I had to keep pulling it because it was
Speaker 3: so funny because I told somebody that story that I
Speaker 3: just told you, like the thing that made me really
Speaker 3: realize like this is no joke, you know, like you're
Speaker 3: going to be permanently injured from this, and this guy
Speaker 3: is going to be happy about it, like deal with that.
Speaker 3: And then there I am and this I can feel
Speaker 3: he's popping like a tree branch. And then he just
Speaker 3: started screaming and he didn't tap. He just screamed to
Speaker 3: the point where the ref goes that's a verbal tap
Speaker 3: and you win. But I won with like two seconds
Speaker 3: left in the end of the whole thing. Jesus, But
Speaker 3: that was I don't want to fight anymore, but Lewis
Speaker 3: I want to fight, and I'm like, it's Lewis wants
Speaker 3: to fight because Lewis wants to know what it's like
Speaker 3: to be a fighter. And I love that because that's
Speaker 3: what I That's why I did it. When I started
Speaker 3: pro fighting, I was like thirty eight.
Speaker 5: It was way past my prime. Oh, but I wanted
Speaker 5: to just feel it.
Speaker 3: And then I've also had fights with some famous people
Speaker 3: at elis Mania that are like high level UFC guys. Right,
Speaker 3: I was gonna get my ass hated to me, but
Speaker 3: I want to see if I could give him a
Speaker 3: fucking run, because there was like Carl Kingsbury was like
Speaker 3: a UFC.
Speaker 5: He was like, he's like two thirty. When I fought him,
Speaker 5: I hit him a couple of times where he was
Speaker 5: like Jesus, and I was like, I'm dumb, Like you
Speaker 5: can finish, finish me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, just you know, I mean, like, if you fuck
Speaker 3: with me, you didn't get bit So I want respect.
Speaker 3: That's all I want to want to win. I want
Speaker 3: your respect. Like Shane Carman knocked me out, I didn't
Speaker 3: stand a chance. I did terrible against him, but he
Speaker 3: was like, you are fucking crazy, like you were like,
Speaker 3: knock me out. And I was like, yeah, because I'm
Speaker 3: trying to let's let's go, let's live, you know, I mean,
Speaker 3: let's go full tilt on everything. And Lewis was trying
Speaker 3: to do that. And I was like, I'm a perfect
Speaker 3: guy for you. I'm better than you, and if you
Speaker 3: beat me, that looks awesome for you. And if you
Speaker 3: get beat by me, it's not that bad. I'm better
Speaker 3: than you. Sure, And I respected it. So I wanted
Speaker 3: to give him that opportunity because somebody gave me that
Speaker 3: opportun tunity. But then it turned into he said, she said,
Speaker 3: and I got skanks hate. I'm like, what I love, Lewis,
Speaker 3: you back down the fight. I'm angry about it.
Speaker 1: Fuck you, you know, like, and you're allowed.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I said, I did apologize and I do
Speaker 3: regret that. And I told the Jay about it and everybody,
Speaker 3: and we ended up patching it up and being friends
Speaker 3: again because yeah, that was totally inappropriate and I hate
Speaker 3: that guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah I really came out. So how do you earn respect?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 2: Like, if you're if you're not fighting, if you're not like,
Speaker 2: what's your approach for earning respect?
Speaker 3: I don't care about it.
Speaker 1: You just don't care about it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I respect myself. That's what I work on. I
Speaker 3: work on every day having a reason to respect myself.
Speaker 3: Because that guy's still in there, that addict to let
Speaker 3: you mean, you're a piece of ship, you're around to nothing.
Speaker 3: I fight him every day and I do great things
Speaker 3: every day, so that helps, you know. I wake up
Speaker 3: in the morning and like, you suck. I'm like, do
Speaker 3: you check your Instagram? Does that look like a guy
Speaker 3: that sucks? I mean, how many hot bitches did you
Speaker 3: plow this week? And how happy were they?
Speaker 2: We were about to end on something so poetic and
Speaker 2: then weight around perfect reference.
Speaker 3: Everybody's everyone's getting.
Speaker 2: By Jason Ellens' and they're gonna come so many times.
Speaker 2: You don't care if you're a man woman in between,
Speaker 2: you're coming multiple times.
Speaker 1: Sorry, because I will your respects. Sorry, amazing. What is
Speaker 1: the great plug? Whatever you want to plug.
Speaker 3: The Jason Elis Show, it's free, it's a podcast. And
Speaker 3: then Hawk Versus Wolf is a podcast I do with
Speaker 3: Tony Hawk. And then I have Patreon because I do
Speaker 3: five shows a week on there and that's uh Patreon
Speaker 3: dot com.
Speaker 5: Slash ellis mate, Thank you so much.
Speaker 3: And if you go to the Jason Elis dot com
Speaker 3: you can see my comedy dates because I'm a fucking comedian.
Speaker 1: You do you really do it all?
Speaker 3: He's so pumped on that.
Speaker 1: That's my FAVCE do everything and everyone and that's.
Speaker 3: That's the point, right, Yeah.
Speaker 5: Real man, the people world.
Speaker 1: Yeah, challenge accepted. You're gonna get a lot.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 1: This has been guys. We Fucking Anti slutch Me Podcast.
Speaker 1: We'll talk to you next Friday. Bye, Guys.
Speaker 2: We Fucked is presented by Luminary, Created and hosted by
Speaker 2: Karn Fisher and Christina Hutchinson. Editing and music coordination by
Speaker 2: Mike Coscarelli. Theme song by Rob Patterson and Jake Cozen.
Speaker 2: Suck my wet ass pussy.
Speaker 1: Christina said to cut that before, but now it's in
Speaker 1: their Yeah, let's keep it. Who cares?
Speaker 4: People got James, find discuts and cost listen beyond loop,
Speaker 4: but that's all means up here do things when you
Speaker 4: don't James, One, I am my love golf and give
Speaker 4: live out just to be.
Speaker 3: One dog.
Speaker 4: It's gonna take a sweat else you or no.
Speaker 1: It's like to lose and not to sometimes.
Speaker 4: You'll I can be a living care of, but don't
Speaker 4: give up, baby. This time will tell the snow. I
Speaker 4: can be good and does somewhere. But we all have
Speaker 4: our times where we hate our lives. Such things were
Speaker 4: different data dreams hadn't died, the money was in the
Speaker 4: care and justice. Despair that you could be who you
Speaker 4: want to with.
Speaker 1: The wind and get there when you're done on your love.
Speaker 4: Can't you fishkill come your dreams? One, I am my
Speaker 4: love golf and give I've had just to be one don't.
Speaker 4: It's gonna take it somewhere else. We don't know how.
Speaker 4: It's hard to lose and know too well. Sometimes jall
Speaker 4: can be a living care of. But don't give up
Speaker 4: for me, because time will tell the small rocket the
Speaker 4: go somewhere else.