Speaker 1: A ham Sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Speaker 1: The bartender says, we don't serve food here.
Speaker 2: Spider Man catches a guy stealing a six pack from
Speaker 2: a convenience store. The guy puts down the beer and
Speaker 2: runs away. Spider picks up the beer to take it
Speaker 2: back to the store, but he pauses in a moment
Speaker 2: of weakness. He takes the beer home for himself. That's
Speaker 2: how Peter Parker pinched a pack of Pilford Pilsner's.
Speaker 1: Sherlock Holmes walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Speaker 1: I've earned this. I just finished my tax return, he
Speaker 1: tells the bartender. Luckily, I'm getting tons of cash back
Speaker 1: thanks to all my brilliant deductions.
Speaker 2: Hey, kids, want some beer, but you're too young to
Speaker 2: buy it. Just buy a root beer and put it
Speaker 2: in a square glass. The square cancels out the root
Speaker 2: and all that's left is beer.
Speaker 1: A man walks into a bar with a slab of
Speaker 1: asphalt under his arm and says, a beer, please, and
Speaker 1: one for the road.
Speaker 2: Somebody should market a beer called occasionally, so when asked,
Speaker 2: I can say I only drink occasionally.
Speaker 1: Want to know the name of a famous alcoholic bootlegger.
Speaker 1: They called him ale Capone.
Speaker 2: I don't put an orange in my beer often, except
Speaker 2: maybe once in a blue moon.
Speaker 1: My friend told me the drinking beer would make him smarter,
Speaker 1: but I don't think anything would make my budweiser.
Speaker 2: A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers,
Speaker 2: and says, five beers please.
Speaker 1: What do you call it when you have a beer
Speaker 1: for breakfast? A poor choice?
Speaker 2: A man walks into a bar with a sad face
Speaker 2: and asks for a beer. The bartender, worried, asks him,
Speaker 2: what's wrong. Why are you looking so down today? The
Speaker 2: man answers, my wife and I got into a fight
Speaker 2: and she said she would not talk to me for
Speaker 2: a month. The bartender, confused, asks so what's wrong with that?
Speaker 2: The man replies, tonight is the last day.
Speaker 1: How do you stop a Mormon from drinking all the
Speaker 1: beer in your party? Invite two Mormons to your party.
Speaker 2: A man walks into a bar, orders a glass of beer,
Speaker 2: and stares at the bartender for a long time to
Speaker 2: make her uncomfortable. The bartender says, take a picture, it'll
Speaker 2: last longer.
Speaker 1: The CEOs of Miller, Bud and Guinness walk into a bar.
Speaker 1: The bartender asks what they'd like. The executive of Miller
Speaker 1: orders a Miller Lite, so the bartender gives it to him.
Speaker 1: The executive of Bud orders a bud Light, and he's
Speaker 1: given one. The bartender looks at the CEO of Guinness
Speaker 1: and he asks for a coke. The bartender, bewildered, hands
Speaker 1: him the coke and asks why he didn't order a Guinness.
Speaker 1: In reply, he said, I figured if those two weren't
Speaker 1: drinking beer, then neither would I.
Speaker 2: I bought an alcoholic ginger beer. He wasn't happy.
Speaker 1: How do you make al pail? Just add p.
Speaker 2: What do you call it? When a redhead makes beer
Speaker 2: ginger ale?
Speaker 1: My friend wants to become a physician after working at
Speaker 1: a brewery. I think it's because he spends so much
Speaker 1: time learning what ails his customers.
Speaker 2: I drink beer as medication. It cures all that alish me.
Speaker 1: There's a beverage that was sometimes ginger ale and sometimes
Speaker 1: ginger beer. It is ginger fluid.
Speaker 2: An excavator and a prospector walking to a bar. The
Speaker 2: excavator says, I'll have a rolling rock. The prospector says,
Speaker 2: I'll have the summer eel. The bartender says, sorry, we
Speaker 2: don't serve miners.
Speaker 1: I learned today that Superman has a beer named after him.
Speaker 1: It's a cal ale.
Speaker 2: What do Dixon see when raising a glass? Remember the Alamo.
Speaker 1: In honor of Saint Patrick. If I break the world
Speaker 1: record for the most Irish stout consumed in a single day,
Speaker 1: would that be a Guinness Guinness record?
Speaker 2: What is the Irish solution to the Israel Palestine conflict?
Speaker 2: A two stout solution?
Speaker 1: What's the best beer for Easter? Double ipa because of
Speaker 1: the extra hops.
Speaker 2: If you like the latest kind of IPA, then you're
Speaker 2: into hip hop.
Speaker 1: I went to a microbrewery and a soft serve ice
Speaker 1: cream store the other day. It was called Microsoft.
Speaker 2: What kind of alcohol do they sell at hobby lobby?
Speaker 2: Craft beer?
Speaker 1: I dated a one legged girl who worked at a brewery.
Speaker 1: She was in charge of the hops.
Speaker 2: A brewery in Finland is selling one thousand packs of beer.
Speaker 2: Now sounds like it'd be difficult to finish.
Speaker 1: And God said let there be light, so all the
Speaker 1: breweries complied and reluctantly watered down their beer.
Speaker 2: I hear Miller is starting a brewery in Alaska for
Speaker 2: a special run of beer. They'll call it the Northern Lights.
Speaker 1: I should open a brewery. I'd be rich, what with
Speaker 1: my effortless ability to magically turn just one more beer
Speaker 1: into four or five more beers.
Speaker 2: What do you call an administrator at a brewery? A beacrat.
Speaker 1: I proposed in a brewery at the jeweler's recommendation. She said,
Speaker 1: you can't go wrong with the beers. I'm Bob Jeffy.
Speaker 2: And I'm Montgomery Jones.
Speaker 1: And that's the brewtastic jokes for International Beer Day. We're
Speaker 1: on a mission to spread the laughs and groans far
Speaker 1: and wide. So please do us a favor and share
Speaker 1: just one of these jokes with your family and friends. Thanks.
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