Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that designed a new toy that
Speaker 1: children can use to help around the house more especially
Speaker 1: with the upcoming Spider season.
Speaker 2: It's called My Little Flame Thrower.
Speaker 1: Okay for Laser Stories, a segment where we do weird
Speaker 1: news stories around the glove, just like everyone else does,
Speaker 1: except we've got a laser.
Speaker 2: There's other scrungebobs.
Speaker 1: Just don't this first laser story is out of you, guess.
Speaker 2: Florida, a fifty.
Speaker 1: Three year old man named Daniel Kasmar was in a
Speaker 1: Walmart this week. Oh god, this is a good start, Jeffrey, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, just give it to us. And Daniel decided
Speaker 1: it was time for a little five finger discounts.
Speaker 2: I bet he did.
Speaker 1: You don't want to go too long in between those,
Speaker 1: so he took a bicycle pump, a lock, and the
Speaker 1: inner tube of the bicycle tire and tried to hide
Speaker 1: all of it by stuffing the item under his shirt. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: not awkward items put under your shirt at all. Unluckily
Speaker 1: for him, he somehow got spotted by the store's security
Speaker 1: and they called the cops.
Speaker 2: Is it bad that I just feel like this guy
Speaker 2: has a flat on his bike and needs to fix
Speaker 2: you feel.
Speaker 1: Sympathy sympathy for him. Daniel was arrested outside of the door.
Speaker 1: He admitted to the theft and even told the cops
Speaker 1: as he took the bike pump out from underneath his shirt, quote.
Speaker 2: I'm not good at shoplifting. I feel bad.
Speaker 1: He didn't ask him to assess his prowess, he just
Speaker 1: volunteered that information. So he was hit with a felony
Speaker 1: because he has two prior theft convictions on his record.
Speaker 1: Involved him hiding multiple drinks and sandwiches underneath his shirt.
Speaker 1: The other involved him trying to fit a television in
Speaker 1: his pants. Afterwards, one of the officers said he may
Speaker 1: not have passed the round hole in the square peg
Speaker 1: test back in elementary school. Let's get to your next
Speaker 1: laser story. Out of Holly weird fun, Tracy Anderson is
Speaker 1: considered one of the top celebrity trainers to the stars
Speaker 1: oh yeah, and with a client list that includes j
Speaker 1: Lo and Madonna and even our show favorite Gwyneth Paltrow.
Speaker 2: Got all those ugos go to her.
Speaker 1: She commands attention from the elite, but now even the
Speaker 1: richest of the rich are complaining about the prices at
Speaker 1: her new studio. Why, well, let's start with the membership,
Speaker 1: which is only nine hundred dollars. That's nine hundred dollars
Speaker 1: a month to go to the Jim per Jim.
Speaker 2: Do they work out for you? The benefits?
Speaker 1: Well, that'll allow you to learn the Tracy Anderson Method,
Speaker 1: which is a dance based workout in a room heated
Speaker 1: to exactly ninety five degrees with precisely seventy five percent humidity.
Speaker 1: Yet she wanted to do ninety eight degrees, but Nicolas
Speaker 1: had that copyrighted. On top of your membership fee, you'll
Speaker 1: also have to pay a map fee.
Speaker 2: Oh.
Speaker 1: That essentially allows members to save their favorite spot in
Speaker 1: class with just a regular yoga mat.
Speaker 2: Wait, there's enough people going to a nine hundred dollars
Speaker 2: a month place. You can't get a lot. You want
Speaker 2: the best spot in the studio.
Speaker 1: Okay, that'll cost you a whopping five five hundred dollars
Speaker 1: a month. Oh my god?
Speaker 2: Oh did we mention the classes aren't free either?
Speaker 1: No, nope, tag on another ninety bucks.
Speaker 2: Per hour hour.
Speaker 1: It's all over the place, and what things are worth here?
Speaker 1: The people who go there are telling news reporters that
Speaker 1: the prices are outrageous and ridiculous. Yeah, Another member, who
Speaker 1: wished to remain anonymous, said, who has their finger on
Speaker 1: the pulse?
Speaker 2: No one. It's like the yoga apocalypse right now.
Speaker 1: I mean, I still pay it, but wow, it's a lotalypse.
Speaker 2: I just I couldn't feel worse for rich people right now, Jeffrey,
Speaker 2: they have it so hard. Let's go to your next
Speaker 2: lazer story.
Speaker 1: Out of the hair way up there, your hair up
Speaker 1: thereout bad.
Speaker 2: Hair day is a regular thing for you.
Speaker 1: If so, blame your parents because a new study found
Speaker 1: much of it comes down to your genetics and the
Speaker 1: hair pattern that got passed down.
Speaker 2: My dad doesn't have hair so well.
Speaker 1: That circular pattern at the crown of your head. You
Speaker 1: know where your hair is at the top. It's called
Speaker 1: your hair worl, like like whirl but with an oar
Speaker 1: and just like fingerprints, your hair worl is unique, like
Speaker 1: which hairs point in what direction and whether it goes
Speaker 1: clockwise or counterclockwise.
Speaker 2: My son constantly has a rats mess back there. You
Speaker 2: should probably like get the rat nets.
Speaker 1: I mean, and it literally comes back in one ot
Speaker 1: his hair.
Speaker 2: It's just crazy.
Speaker 1: Until now, most experts thought your hair warl was determined
Speaker 1: by a single gene, but the study found it's actually
Speaker 1: controlled by multiple.
Speaker 2: Genes all working together.
Speaker 1: In other words, your crazy, untamable, cawlicked, rat infested hair
Speaker 1: was a group effort by Alexis's mom, Barb and whoever
Speaker 1: Alexis's real father is, blame him for your hair. So
Speaker 1: feel free to blame your mom and dad for any
Speaker 1: bad hair days you have. Going Forward is official his
Speaker 1: next Lazer stories out of the.
Speaker 2: Perspiration of inspiration.
Speaker 1: You've seen those motivational posters before, like the one with
Speaker 1: a kitten on a rope that says yeah, well, A
Speaker 1: new collection of dem motivational posters is going viral.
Speaker 2: This is what we're going to decorate our office with.
Speaker 2: Is that what you're saying we should?
Speaker 1: An online blog posted the funniest ones people voted on,
Speaker 1: and each of them lists a theme followed by a
Speaker 1: message that's the opposite of motivational.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: Here's the top vote getters. Number five responsibility. If your
Speaker 1: job really mattered so much, wudn't your company have hired
Speaker 1: someone better to do it?
Speaker 2: Like it?
Speaker 1: Number four under achievement. The tallest blade of grass is
Speaker 1: the first to be cut by the lawnmower.
Speaker 2: Underachieved. It's worth it.
Speaker 1: Number three Healthy the slowest possible rate at which you
Speaker 1: can die. Number two relationships. Sure, there are plenty of
Speaker 1: other fish in the sea, but you're not anywhere near
Speaker 1: the sea.
Speaker 2: You're in the desert all alone. Yes, that one's just
Speaker 2: gonna have.
Speaker 1: And the number one top demotivational poster, which was voted
Speaker 1: on by the people, says, today it's the first day
Speaker 1: of the rest of your life.
Speaker 2: But so was yesterday, and look how that turned out.
Speaker 2: I kind of wonder what this guy's motivational phrase would be.
Speaker 1: Maybe, uh, dedication, the will to hump for every deep
Speaker 1: bon stay and dedicated little guy. That Salmon's laser stories
Speaker 1: has come to an end for the day, We'll do
Speaker 1: it again, same time on Monday. Brooke and Jeffrey in
Speaker 1: the morning,