Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Hi, kids, it's me Trevor Noah.
Speaker 3: Listen.
Speaker 2: I know it's really hard during this pandemic to learn
Speaker 2: anything from a TV or a computer.
Speaker 1: Heck, it's hard for adults.
Speaker 2: A lot of them try to learn things online and
Speaker 2: the next thing you know, they're storming the capitol. But
Speaker 2: I wanted to help, so I asked the team here
Speaker 2: at The Daily Show to help put together a lesson
Speaker 2: plan for you, guys, and not just any lesson, but
Speaker 2: the lessons you won't learn in school, but that you
Speaker 2: need to know before life teaches them to you the
Speaker 2: hard way. My friends at the show agreed to help
Speaker 2: because they're all under contract. So without further ado, please
Speaker 2: enjoy The Daily Show's special presentation Remotely Educational.
Speaker 4: Oh hey, kids, welcome to geography class. What's the capital
Speaker 4: of Mozambique? I don't know, Google that shit. I am
Speaker 4: going to teach you geography you won't learn in school,
Speaker 4: but need to know. Like today's lesson, who Hates Who?
Speaker 4: That's something you gotta know. If your cab driver is Serbian,
Speaker 4: you can't be talking about that trip you took the Croatia.
Speaker 5: You're gonna get your.
Speaker 4: Ass thrown out on the street. So I'm gonna tell
Speaker 4: you who hates who around the globe. But I'm not
Speaker 4: gonna get into why, because I know I'll get one
Speaker 4: little thing wrong and then both of them gonna be
Speaker 4: mad at me. And I don't want Kurtags standing my mentions. Yeah,
Speaker 4: they'll go already. Okay, let's begin. Chinese and Japanese hate
Speaker 4: each other. Indians and Pakistanis can't stand each other. Vietnamese
Speaker 4: and Cambodians do not want to be in the same
Speaker 4: room at all. Turks and Armenians hate each other. Turks
Speaker 4: and Greeks also hate each other. Turks and Curds they
Speaker 4: hate each other too. Honestly, Turkey is the Niemi Leaks
Speaker 4: of Europe. They always at the center of some shit.
Speaker 4: You got the Russians and the Chechenians. They always arguing.
Speaker 4: Hungarians and Roma Deacon the Newer, the Irish and the
Speaker 4: British Scots and the British English and the British. Honestly,
Speaker 4: that whole island hate itself. Ghana and Nigeria. Now, from
Speaker 4: what I understand about this beef, this one is mostly
Speaker 4: about rice. See, here's the thing Nigerians think Ghaneian rice
Speaker 4: tastes like concrete, and Ghanaians think Nigerian rice is a
Speaker 4: bigger international crime than their email scams. Fortunately, centuries of
Speaker 4: colonialism have made both countries too poor to afford the NUK,
Speaker 4: so it don't really matter that much. Iranians in the
Speaker 4: Saudis Saudis and Nahutis Saudis and the Qataris Saudis and
Speaker 4: the Israelis, although now they're becoming friends because they both
Speaker 4: hate the Iranians more. In a way, Iran is really
Speaker 4: bringing the Middle East together. You got the Sudan and
Speaker 4: South Sudan, North Korea and South Korea. Matter of fact,
Speaker 4: if there's two countries with the same name, they definitely
Speaker 4: hate each other. And then of course you've got the
Speaker 4: Israelis and the Palestinians. I said, I'm not getting into it.
Speaker 4: God damn all right, let's wrap this up last beef
Speaker 4: America and everybody else. Yeah, that's right, I'm gonna give
Speaker 4: it to you straight kids. Every other country hates us.
Speaker 5: They all hate us.
Speaker 4: Some of them we invaded, some of them, We overthrew
Speaker 4: most of them, we bomb some of them we saved
Speaker 4: from the Nazis. So I don't know why they mad.
Speaker 5: But it is what it is.
Speaker 4: The game is the game. But that leads me to
Speaker 4: my tip of the day. Kids, if you ever travel abroad,
Speaker 4: do what I do. Pretend you're Canadian. Hell yeah, you
Speaker 4: put that maple leaf on your head right there, man.
Speaker 4: Cause See, here's the thing. If it's one country that
Speaker 4: nobody hates, it's Canada. Be honest, I don't know what
Speaker 4: that's all about, but I'm gonna make it work for me.
Speaker 4: That's it for today, kids, See you next time in
Speaker 4: geography class.
Speaker 6: Hi, kids, welcome to Miss Desi's Math for real life.
Speaker 6: Calculus is cool and all, but if you're part of
Speaker 6: the ninety nine percent of adults who don't become math teachers,
Speaker 6: you'll want to learn some math that you won't learn
Speaker 6: in school. Now, there are two times normal adults use math,
Speaker 6: tipping your waiter twenty percent.
Speaker 1: This is only eight percent.
Speaker 6: And buying a home. Buying a home is like getting married.
Speaker 6: It's a huge decision and you're only going to do
Speaker 6: it one to four times in your life. Lucky for you,
Speaker 6: I'm a licensed real estate agent like one third of
Speaker 6: adults in America, so I can help you through this
Speaker 6: big decision. Step one, determine your budget. Usually to buy
Speaker 6: a house, you'll need to put twenty percent of the
Speaker 6: price as a down payment. So for a five hundred
Speaker 6: thousand dollars house, you'll need to have one hundred thousand
Speaker 6: dollars in savings. But you only have three thousand dollars.
Speaker 6: Don't worry, we'll figure that out later. Let's move on
Speaker 6: to the fun part. Step two, Find a house. Look
Speaker 6: at all these beautiful houses.
Speaker 7: I'm a Victorian, I'm midcentury Modern, and we're tweens.
Speaker 6: But you can't afford any of these houses. Oh wait,
Speaker 6: but what about that one on the end over there,
Speaker 6: and that looks nice.
Speaker 8: I'm only affordable because a murder happened in me and
Speaker 8: I can't stop thinking about it.
Speaker 5: My walls will never be clean.
Speaker 6: In real litters speak, we call this character. So let's
Speaker 6: put an offer. In Step three, put in an offer.
Speaker 6: An offer is the price you tell the seller you're
Speaker 6: willing to pay for the house. Let's offer seven hundred
Speaker 6: and fifty K contingent on inspection. I think that's good.
Speaker 6: Ew they counted at two million last and final. I
Speaker 6: know it's more than we talked about, but I suggest
Speaker 6: we take it. There's a Saudi shell company right behind you,
Speaker 6: ready to pay all cash, just a quick thing. I'm
Speaker 6: paid on commission, so it's really important to me that
Speaker 6: you buy this house, but not really important to me
Speaker 6: that you can afford it.
Speaker 9: So you'll accept.
Speaker 6: Congrats on to step four under contract. Once you've signed
Speaker 6: the initial contract. Now it's time to send a forest
Speaker 6: worth of paperwork to the bank. They'll need paystuffs. Bank
Speaker 6: statements W two is a credit report, a letter from
Speaker 6: your employer and your parents addressed. Because somebody's going to
Speaker 6: pay for this house, will you fill all that out?
Speaker 6: Let's get the house inspected. Hello, mister wrench, how's the
Speaker 6: house looking?
Speaker 5: Uh yeah, it's falling apart. You got black bold.
Speaker 9: The furnace is shot and the septic system needs to
Speaker 9: be replaced.
Speaker 6: That's right, the septic system. I bet you didn't know.
Speaker 6: This house has a big tub of shit under it.
Speaker 6: It's right next to the well. Step five closing day.
Speaker 6: Once the bank approves your paperwork, you signed the final
Speaker 6: contracts with the previous owner and the bank, and you
Speaker 6: own the house. Specifically, you own twenty percent of the house.
Speaker 6: The rest belongs to the bank, oh, which reminds me,
Speaker 6: meet Marty the mortgage.
Speaker 3: Where's my money?
Speaker 9: You better have it by the first of a month.
Speaker 5: Oh you ass we'll be out in the street.
Speaker 9: I don't give a crap if it's winter.
Speaker 6: So remember to pay your mortgage and be happy because
Speaker 6: you're living the American dream.
Speaker 3: You own a home.
Speaker 6: In that map class.
Speaker 10: How business works. This is a factory. It's where we
Speaker 10: make the products we use. At the loading dock, raw
Speaker 10: materials arrive to start the process. Inside, workers do specialized
Speaker 10: jobs on the assembly line. In the office, managers plan
Speaker 10: how to move the whole operation overseas. These talks spell
Speaker 10: over into stake dinners, where difficult choices are made. This
Speaker 10: is the new, cheaper factory in Cambodia, with increased profits.
Speaker 10: Shareholders and executives are able to buy yachts, artwork, narcotics, politicians,
Speaker 10: and memberships in sadistic sex cults. Through this process, America's
Speaker 10: business leaders keep the country running while turning old factories
Speaker 10: in the loft departments for their adult children who do filmmaking, photography,
Speaker 10: and other fake things. This process will be repeated until
Speaker 10: the system collapses, leaving us scavenging for berries and potable water.
Speaker 10: And that is how business works.
Speaker 6: Today's show was brought to you by the letters m
Speaker 6: M K MK ultra with a CIA mind control project
Speaker 6: that illegally experimented on humans to identify substances that could
Speaker 6: coerce people into making confessions.
Speaker 11: MK.
Speaker 3: Hey, welcome to science class.
Speaker 12: Today we're gonna talk about animals, and I know you
Speaker 12: kids are like the fancy animals. Okay, but stop being
Speaker 12: so thirsty for hippos because unless you're a Columbian drug lord,
Speaker 12: you're never gonna own one.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 12: Instead, today we're gonna talk about the animals you'll actually
Speaker 12: encounter the ones that will infest your house. Animals like
Speaker 12: the fruit fly. This is a mild infestation as far
Speaker 12: as the intects go. Fruitflies are pretty chill. They are
Speaker 12: like most Brooklyn hipsters, very picky eaters, and they have
Speaker 12: zero upper body strength. Also, they do it doggy style.
Speaker 12: Who knew anyway? Getting rid of them is pretty straightforward
Speaker 12: to stop leaving powers of rotting fruitling around.
Speaker 4: Duh.
Speaker 12: The worst infestation is bedbugs. Much like Armie Hammer, they
Speaker 12: feed on human blood. Getting rid of bed bugs is
Speaker 12: almost impossible, So if you get them, the best solution
Speaker 12: is to just leave, walk out of the door.
Speaker 3: Style new life like Mighty Cyrus.
Speaker 12: People think Hannahontanna is a character, but it was just
Speaker 12: who she was until she got bedbugs. Next up, ladybugs,
Speaker 12: or as scientists call them, women bugs. This is maybe
Speaker 12: the best infestation you can have. They don't really do anything,
Speaker 12: and for bugs, they look pretty. They're like beetles that
Speaker 12: just got their nails done. But enough about insects. Let's
Speaker 12: move on to mammals, specifically mice, the freeloader rodents, And
Speaker 12: to be clear, not all rodents are freeloaders.
Speaker 3: Just look at squirrels.
Speaker 12: They're like small business owners hustling out there renting storagelockers
Speaker 12: for their nuts. But mice just want your food now.
Speaker 12: Mice like to come into your home because it's nice
Speaker 12: and cozy. That's why the best way to deter them
Speaker 12: is to make your home cold and inhospitable, like a Scandinavian's.
Speaker 12: If you do have mice, you'll know because they take
Speaker 12: these little shits in your house that look exactly like
Speaker 12: chocolate tic TACs, But they are not chocolate tic tacks.
Speaker 12: That's a lesson I learned many many times. Finally, the
Speaker 12: King of pasts raccoons. Raccoons evolved millions of years ago.
Speaker 3: When a bear a monkey.
Speaker 12: Of course, I'm just kidding. Science doesn't actually know where
Speaker 12: they came from. Mostly, they just go through your garbage
Speaker 12: looking for food and anything that can sell on eBay.
Speaker 12: The how nature recycles. You have to be careful around raccoons.
Speaker 12: They're one of the primary carriers of rabies, a virus
Speaker 12: that makes animals act like that from New Jersey. If
Speaker 12: you see a raccoon foaming at the mouth, do not
Speaker 12: go near it with a cow zone.
Speaker 3: It will fight you for it.
Speaker 12: So yeah, those are all the animals you actually need
Speaker 12: to know about. I hope you found this educational. Now,
Speaker 12: if you excuse me, I'm gonna enjoy some of these
Speaker 12: chocolate tic TACs I just found.
Speaker 3: Oh damn it. Okay, well, i'll see you guys next
Speaker 3: week maybe this one. No no, no, that was pooh too.
Speaker 13: All right, everybody, it's time for gym class. It's also
Speaker 13: time for sex ed, which is taught by gym teachers
Speaker 13: for some reason. Let's get right into it, shall we.
Speaker 13: Sex These days, the Internet is going to give you
Speaker 13: the wrong idea about sex that it's fun.
Speaker 3: Well, it's not.
Speaker 13: When you're single, getting lucky isn't having sex, it's getting
Speaker 13: a clean blood test six weeks later. And when you're married,
Speaker 13: it's not much better. She's more interested in her haitacha
Speaker 13: personal massager from Brookstone, and you're so desensitized by porn
Speaker 13: that you can't get things going unless you imagine she's
Speaker 13: a mermaid. But with legs. Hey, let's get towny jumpy
Speaker 13: jacks going hit me. If you're in the feet, that's
Speaker 13: kind of cool because you can just go to the beach.
Speaker 14: Grandpa Loo, I'm Jilly, I'm nine years and one day
Speaker 14: I'm to be president of the United States.
Speaker 1: Well, first off, don't call me grandpa kid. Secondly, no,
Speaker 1: you're not.
Speaker 11: You'll have to wait until you're thirty five, and this
Speaker 11: country's not gonna be around that long.
Speaker 1: But if you like throwing your weight around and holding
Speaker 1: the fate of people in.
Speaker 11: The palm of your hand, why not enter the exciting
Speaker 11: field the reality show judges, But there's voting. People respect
Speaker 11: your opinion even though you have no clue what you're
Speaker 11: talking about.
Speaker 1: And the best part is you'll never have to eat
Speaker 1: a corn dog in Fiowa, so be that instead. I commanded,
Speaker 1: Grandpa Lou, animals.
Speaker 14: I have a dog and a cat now, and my
Speaker 14: dream job when I love is to help them by
Speaker 14: becoming a veteranaria.
Speaker 11: Again, it's not Grandpa Lou, it's guidance counseling Lou. And unfortunately,
Speaker 11: vegetable can cost over three hundred grand. It will take
Speaker 11: you decades to pay off because people love their pets.
Speaker 1: But they love their money more.
Speaker 11: I'm not taking out a second mortgage to fix muffins thyroid.
Speaker 11: Lucky for you, it's a cheaper way to work with
Speaker 11: animals without all the hassle. The Russian Circus an unregulated
Speaker 11: paradise of animal performers.
Speaker 1: You'll get to treat all kinds of furry friends, from
Speaker 1: endangered species.
Speaker 11: Sold on the black market to a panda that you're
Speaker 11: pretty sure is actually just a dog painted black and white.
Speaker 1: And you've only got to care for bears. You could
Speaker 1: wrestle them. What a treat. I'm gonna sign you up,
Speaker 1: Grandpa Loo.
Speaker 7: I'm Kylie, and when I grew up, I want to
Speaker 7: be an astronaut.
Speaker 1: That's a great career choice.
Speaker 11: I mean, to be an astronaut, you have to be
Speaker 11: an expert in math and science, and if you're trapped
Speaker 11: in the American educational system, you've got no chance at that.
Speaker 11: So I suggest you try for another job that will
Speaker 11: let you enjoy the majesty of space. And I share
Speaker 11: at a planetarium. You get to experience distant worlds.
Speaker 1: Just do that instead, All right, last kid, I am
Speaker 1: getting second ship.
Speaker 12: Mister Black.
Speaker 11: I'm Olivia, and I want to become a mid level
Speaker 11: account representative for a marketing company. Now that's a career choice.
Speaker 11: You don't need any advice from me, Olivia. You get
Speaker 11: what life's all about.
Speaker 1: Set a realistic goal, achieve it.
Speaker 11: And spend your week weekends drinking Margarita's and chilis. All right, Well,
Speaker 11: that's enough correcting kids, hopeless dreams. Until next time. Goodbye
Speaker 11: from Grandpa. I mean guidance counsel. Loot damn it now
Speaker 11: they got me doing it.
Speaker 6: What is the fastest land mammal? A horse B cheetah,
Speaker 6: CE congressman leaving a hotel at four am, D gazelle
Speaker 6: the answer after the break? What is the fastest land mammal?
Speaker 6: The answer is see. While cheetahs can reach seventy five
Speaker 6: miles an hour, A properly intoxicated congressman can drive from
Speaker 6: a crime scene at twice that speed.
Speaker 7: Hey kids, Hey, we're gonna learn about commerce, and we're
Speaker 7: gonna do it with some help from my friend smuggly smuggling.
Speaker 9: I want to buy an action.
Speaker 7: Figure collectible from the new Robo Dinosaur movie. I'm not
Speaker 7: sure if I have enough money. If I have four
Speaker 7: quarters and ten dimes, can you tell me how much
Speaker 7: that's worth?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 5: Yeah, you got scrap metal.
Speaker 9: No, it's money.
Speaker 5: That's called fiat money. The future is crypto. You gotta
Speaker 5: get into bitcoin.
Speaker 9: Bitcoin.
Speaker 7: Isn't that the money you use to buy synthetic marijuana
Speaker 7: from the Philippines.
Speaker 5: Yeah? No, no, no, no, no, no, I mean yes,
Speaker 5: but not just dead. You can buy all kinds of
Speaker 5: things with bitcoin, like.
Speaker 9: A robo dinosaur collectible.
Speaker 5: Sure, you can buy any dumb toy you want.
Speaker 9: Well, technically it's not a toy. It's a collectivele you see.
Speaker 8: Bitcoin is a semi anonymous digital currency with transactions recorded
Speaker 8: in an open ledger. Store it online in what's called
Speaker 8: the blockchain.
Speaker 9: Ooh, blockchain like legos.
Speaker 5: Legos Jesus Christ a lego. Okay, let me start at
Speaker 5: the beginning. Give me a dollar Okay, Now what is
Speaker 5: this dollar bill? Worth?
Speaker 3: One dollar?
Speaker 5: Mm hmmm, which is worth wiping my puppet ass with? What?
Speaker 9: Oh longly, that's my dollar?
Speaker 8: Yeah, relax man, every dollar bill has been in someone's ass.
Speaker 8: The point is it comes from a central bank which
Speaker 8: can just print them out of thin air. That's called inflation,
Speaker 8: and that's why thirty years ago a bottle of Lambrusko
Speaker 8: only costs five dollars and now I'm paying like fifteen.
Speaker 5: That's how we robbery.
Speaker 9: So how does bitcoin fix all this?
Speaker 8: Well, it's hard capped to twenty one million bitcoins, so
Speaker 8: there's no inflation, and the only way to find those
Speaker 8: twenty one million is through mining.
Speaker 9: Mining, so bitcoins come from the ground.
Speaker 8: Oh not that kind of mining, Jesus. This is why
Speaker 8: I didn't want to work on a kid's show. But oh,
Speaker 8: a puppet can't work a trading desk at Goldman. That's discrimination.
Speaker 9: Should you really be mixing pills and wine like that?
Speaker 9: That's how Prince died?
Speaker 15: Okay, All you need to know is that you and
Speaker 15: all the other kids out there better make the leaf
Speaker 15: to bitcoin as soon as you can.
Speaker 8: Kids, I'm forty one, forty one and you're trying to
Speaker 8: buy a toy dinosaur suite, baby James.
Speaker 5: I thought you just had like a hormone in balance
Speaker 5: of some.
Speaker 9: Typically it's a collectible.
Speaker 7: And look, if I want to buy one of these bitcoins,
Speaker 7: how much does it cost?
Speaker 5: Well, that depends on the market rate and what someone
Speaker 5: will take for it.
Speaker 8: Right now, they're worth a lot more than a toy
Speaker 8: dinosaur toy dinosaur Buddy. For one bitcoin, I could pay
Speaker 8: Barney to watch me baby bop his wife sounds.
Speaker 9: Like I better get a bitcoin.
Speaker 7: It's the money of the future unless the power or
Speaker 7: internet access goes out. And the risk of being decentralized
Speaker 7: means if someone gets ConTroll of fifty one percent of
Speaker 7: the blockchain, they mail to the ledger. And of course
Speaker 7: the deflation problem, because why would anyone use bitcoin to
Speaker 7: buy things if it keeps getting more valuable. Hey, you
Speaker 7: may not be able to print new bitcoins, but anyone
Speaker 7: can make new cryptos.
Speaker 9: So bitcoin could be made.
Speaker 7: Obsolete through competition, or the government could just decide to.
Speaker 3: Anyway.
Speaker 9: I shout a couple thoughts off the top of my head.
Speaker 5: Yeah, those are those are good points.
Speaker 8: That's why the safest thing to do is to diversify
Speaker 8: and to put your money into other things like what, Well,
Speaker 8: while you were talking, I about this collectible dinosaur.
Speaker 9: Okay, well that's what I wanted to buy.
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly. There's clearly a demand and that's what makes
Speaker 5: it valuable in the market.
Speaker 9: Why don't you let me buy that off you?
Speaker 5: Well, you can bid for it on any bay with
Speaker 5: all the rest of the man's children.
Speaker 9: That's a dick move.
Speaker 5: That's commerce for your kids.
Speaker 14: Ah, Hi, little friends, it's me, do'll say. And today
Speaker 14: we're gonna learn how the government works. Now, most civics
Speaker 14: classes will teach you about the President and Supreme.
Speaker 16: Court and Congress and blah blah blah. But you don't
Speaker 16: need to know any of that.
Speaker 14: Hell, the biggest thing Congress does for you is flood
Speaker 14: your inbox every fifteen minutes. The future of the world
Speaker 14: depends on me sending ten bucks to some dumbass in
Speaker 14: Rhode Island. I'm gonna tell you about the parts of
Speaker 14: the government you'll meet and real life. Let's start with
Speaker 14: the TSA. That's the part of the government in charge
Speaker 14: of feeling you up and confiscating your little shampoo bottles
Speaker 14: filled with hennessy. Here are the tip kids, always drink
Speaker 14: your booze before you get on the flight. And do
Speaker 14: you know how the TSA gets.
Speaker 16: Away with harassing us like this? It's because the men.
Speaker 3: That's so damn fun.
Speaker 14: Next, we've got the irs. You know how the mafia
Speaker 14: collects protection money. This is sort of like the same thing.
Speaker 14: You see, Whatever you make, the government wants a taste,
Speaker 14: and the irs are the guys who come to get it.
Speaker 14: But don't worry, the government will use that money for
Speaker 14: important things like drones and studies to see if they
Speaker 14: can grow corn.
Speaker 16: On the sun. Next the FBI.
Speaker 14: Unless you're mobbed up, you're probably not gonna hear much
Speaker 14: from these guys. They're busy working on a backlog of
Speaker 14: cases from people who copy the VHS tape in nineteen
Speaker 14: eighty seven. Because if there's one thing the FEDS hate
Speaker 14: more than al Cata, it's bootlegs of dirty dancing. There's
Speaker 14: also the CIA. They're the ones selling drugs in your community.
Speaker 14: Let's move on to the judiciary, or as I call it, courtship.
Speaker 14: No matter who you are, you're gonna be in a
Speaker 14: life long battle.
Speaker 16: Against the justice system.
Speaker 14: For some of you, it'll be avoiding jail, but for
Speaker 14: most of you it'll be avoiding churry duty. Court is
Speaker 14: also where you go to get married, and where you
Speaker 14: go back to to get divorced, and where you defend
Speaker 14: yourself against grand theft auto chargers because he says the
Speaker 14: forty four was his, but you would have won making
Speaker 14: the payments.
Speaker 16: And speaking of cars, let's move on to the DMV.
Speaker 16: That's where you go to renew your license.
Speaker 14: You'll wait in a long ass line next to all
Speaker 14: the weirdest people who live in your county.
Speaker 16: In fact, I'm in a DMV line right now.
Speaker 14: After this, I'm heading over to the State Department, because
Speaker 14: that's where you get your passport, the document that has
Speaker 14: the smallest worst picture you've ever taken. Oh, don't worry,
Speaker 14: you only have to look at it for ten years.
Speaker 14: What else, Oh, the Department of Education. They're in charge
Speaker 14: of teaching you the basics, like where to hide during.
Speaker 16: A school shooting.
Speaker 14: Other than that, they don't teach you shit, which is
Speaker 14: why I'm here teaching you on my day off. They
Speaker 14: could have more funding, but America needs that money for
Speaker 14: the Defense Department. They're the ones out there enforcing the
Speaker 14: American Empire. So you can maintain your way of life.
Speaker 16: Oh y'all. Didn't think I was gonna get real, did you.
Speaker 3: Hmm.
Speaker 14: If you're a mail over the age of eighteen, the
Speaker 14: military will make you register for the draft, but.
Speaker 16: Not if you're a woman. And that's fine with me.
Speaker 14: I'm the kind of feminist that wants to be a CEO,
Speaker 14: not a gunnery sergeant. And that's basically most of government
Speaker 14: you interact with. There's other agencies.
Speaker 1: You got the.
Speaker 14: EPA, FEMA, the deep state, but we'll get to them
Speaker 14: another time. Right now, I gotta go get my license.
Speaker 17: How to be a journalist. Journalism is an incredibly important profession,
Speaker 17: according to most journalists, and it's easier than ever To
Speaker 17: be a journalist. You just have to be the son
Speaker 17: of a journalist, or the son of a journalist, or
Speaker 17: the son of a journalist, or the son of a journalist,
Speaker 17: or the son of a politician, or the daughter of
Speaker 17: a politician, or the daughter of a politician, or the
Speaker 17: of a politician, or the daughter of a politician, or
Speaker 17: the son of a Vanderbilt Ask your parents and fee.
Speaker 9: Well.
Speaker 2: That is our special Thank you so much for watching.
Speaker 2: I hope we all learn something. I know I learned
Speaker 2: much too late that none of this is tax deductible.
Speaker 2: Unbelievable anyway, Join us next time when we learn about
Speaker 2: green energy subsidies from the Cayman Islands plus dismissed.
Speaker 6: This episode of Remotely Educational was made possible by the
Speaker 6: support of viewers like you, and also by north Starballistics,
Speaker 6: Train in Strategic Defense, Black Ocean, Armored, Iron Globe Partners,
Speaker 6: Permanent Fource Solutions, Obsidian Ring, and Kitty Casual, a subsidiary
Speaker 6: of Scorpius Heavy Industries.
Speaker 11: Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
Speaker 11: searching The Daily Show.
Speaker 5: Wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 13: Watch The Daily Show week nights at eleven ten Central.
Speaker 11: On Comedy Central, and streamful of episodes anytime on Fairmouse Bluffs.
Speaker 5: This has been a Comedy Central podcast