Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central. Thaighlands, now deposed Prime Minister,
Speaker 1: was in New York during the military coup where everybody
Speaker 1: who was anybody in the field of ruling, everybody was
Speaker 1: gathered at the un for the opening of the sixty
Speaker 1: first General Assembly. There's Saudi Arabia and Great Britain. There's
Speaker 1: Afghanistan's Hamy Karzai and his right hand man Bromstoker's Dracula.
Speaker 1: So many impressive world leaders. Where do you even begin
Speaker 1: to die? Whom my kid? And there's only one matchup
Speaker 1: anybody cares about in this conna.
Speaker 2: From the United States, the Duke of Democratizing the Texas
Speaker 2: Tongue Twista, two time winner of the Electoral College, President
Speaker 2: jor W.
Speaker 1: Lush. And in this conna he's Nemesis, standing one foot
Speaker 1: six inches tall. From the Islamic Republic of Iran, the.
Speaker 2: Casual caliph, little kid, nuclear associate professor at the University
Speaker 2: of Crazy Town. It's President Mahmoud to Manajahan. Let's get
Speaker 2: ready to Rember.
Speaker 3: The people of Iraq, nearly twelve million. Have you braved
Speaker 3: the car bombers and Assassin's last December to vote in
Speaker 3: free elections? To the people of Afghanistan. Together we overthrew
Speaker 3: the Taliban regime.
Speaker 1: How it sound like Bush walked into a room and
Speaker 1: found out he was about to get whacked.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 1: In Saudi Arabia, our children go to school together.
Speaker 5: How did you do it?
Speaker 6: Kuwait? Our wives play? Dennis?
Speaker 7: Why why are you doing this to me?
Speaker 3: To the people of Lebanon, to the people of Syria,
Speaker 3: to the people of Dafur, the United Arab Emirates, Algeria,
Speaker 3: the regime in khartoum, Uh.
Speaker 1: The people of Guam.
Speaker 7: What's up?
Speaker 4: I like your shirt?
Speaker 1: How many more countries are here? All right, mister President?
Speaker 1: Enough preminaries to.
Speaker 3: The people of Iran.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, here it come, baby, Let's bring it.
Speaker 3: The United States respects you. We respect your country. We
Speaker 3: admire your rich history, your vibrant culture, and your many
Speaker 3: contributions to civilization.
Speaker 1: It would be unfortunate if something perhaps detrimental.
Speaker 7: What do happen.
Speaker 1: Through a country and such rich history?
Speaker 3: The beeche.
Speaker 2: Why Bush had the decency?
Speaker 8: Wh Bush?
Speaker 1: While Bush had the decency to his adversary, specifically, I'm
Speaker 1: not going to Jodd. He talked in blind items.
Speaker 9: Certain powers equate themselves with the international community and consider
Speaker 9: their decisions superseding that of over one hundred and eighty countries.
Speaker 9: They consider themselves the masters and rulers of the entire world.
Speaker 1: Hunters, I think Iran's talking about you. And while Bush's
Speaker 1: grievances were limited to Iran's attempt to buy nukes, amount
Speaker 1: of a job felt. America has a longer rap sheet.
Speaker 9: A the unbridled expansion expansion of nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons.
Speaker 9: B occupation of countries and exacerbation of hostilities see lack
Speaker 9: of respect for the rights of members of the international community. D.
Speaker 1: When we see the United States at a party, we
Speaker 1: make eye contact. They act like we didn't make eye contact. E.
Speaker 1: What kind of a country has Colbert Losing to Manilow
Speaker 1: at the Emmys.
Speaker 2: Makes your sense.
Speaker 1: They're not savages. They watch the Emmys. Both Bush and
Speaker 1: a mount of the john kept their comments relatively tame.
Speaker 1: This year's Hyperbole Award goes to Venezuela's you go Chavez
Speaker 1: with this chestnut.
Speaker 4: Yesterday the devil came here, right here, right here, and
Speaker 4: it smells of sulfur still today, But.
Speaker 2: Where's everybody going?
Speaker 1: All I said was the President of the United States
Speaker 1: is even incarnate and smells like a dead roding creature.
Speaker 2: What why doesn't anyone take me seriously?
Speaker 1: The United Nations, indeed the world still talking about Venezuelan President.
Speaker 1: You go, Chavez is marks on President Bush yesterday for
Speaker 1: the General Assembly.
Speaker 8: Yesterday.
Speaker 4: The devil came here right here, right here, and it
Speaker 4: smells of sulfur still today.
Speaker 1: Okay, look, I've been to the U n Building. That's
Speaker 1: just how it smells, especially after Kofe's had the chili.
Speaker 1: But there's a much bigger issue here. So if I may, Hugo,
Speaker 1: get me a camera.
Speaker 10: Three Oh la.
Speaker 1: Dundee sta your biblioteca. It's actually that's the only phrase
Speaker 1: I know. Look, Hugo, I know you're not a fan
Speaker 1: of our president. Many of us have some problems with
Speaker 1: him as well. Lives in a bubble, stubborn. He's a bully,
Speaker 1: that's no secret. In fact, I believe that's what he
Speaker 1: campaigns on. My point is this, when you call him
Speaker 1: the devil, it somewhat brings this credit on those who
Speaker 1: would oppose the man's policies while not necessarily being back insane. Now,
Speaker 1: I gotta tell you, sir, if your point is that
Speaker 1: the president President Bush needs to be more humble. Well,
Speaker 1: dare I say, you may be the wrong messenger for
Speaker 1: that message. Let's be honest, Hugo. The Chavez imprimatur is
Speaker 1: not a guarantee of freshness, if you know what I'm
Speaker 1: talking about. There's Cindy Sheen hugging away her credibility with you.
Speaker 1: There's Harry Belafonte tally him bananas. And there's Danny Glover
Speaker 1: this morning in Harlem, after you had called the president
Speaker 1: the devil again. By the way, Danny Glover, what are
Speaker 1: you doing? Seriously, Danny meet me at camera four? Hey,
Speaker 1: what is with the Lethal Weapon Team? I mean FIRS Gibson?
Speaker 1: Now you how'd you guys squeeze for pre solid.
Speaker 3: Movies out of that partnership?
Speaker 11: Well?
Speaker 1: What kind of conversations were you guys having in the trailer? Hey,
Speaker 1: mel the workers must control the means of production. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, Danny Jews all right.
Speaker 2: Look, COLI, wush the devil.
Speaker 1: It is just stupid and inaccurate. How do I know?
Speaker 1: Well on the phone with us, now are you there, sir?
Speaker 6: Oh? I am indeed, John, Thank you for having me
Speaker 6: listen to a long time of the first time listen
Speaker 6: you know last night, as you can imagine, my ears
Speaker 6: were burning ah.
Speaker 1: With the whole star about Chavez talking about you, comparing
Speaker 1: you to the president.
Speaker 6: Oh no, no, not that I live in a fiery bit.
Speaker 6: My ears they're always burning up. But seriously, listen, My
Speaker 6: point is this Bush is not me, and hey, Hugo,
Speaker 6: you're no angel, all right. And if the President hazarded
Speaker 6: himself a place here, believe me. I got a cubby
Speaker 6: hole with your name on it to pal. Now, if
Speaker 6: you'll excuse me, I gotta go down to Georgia. I'm
Speaker 6: taking part in a fiddle contest there against the young
Speaker 6: man claim this kid's the best that's ever been.
Speaker 1: Well, thank you very much, Devil. Always a pleasure to
Speaker 1: have you on the program.
Speaker 9: Wait wait, wait, wait, can I get a quick plug out.
Speaker 6: Here for my foot cakes.
Speaker 1: We don't have time for that.
Speaker 12: Devil.
Speaker 6: Damn you, Stuart, damn you to came.
Speaker 7: We'll be right back.
Speaker 1: The United Nations is having its annual meeting of the
Speaker 1: General Assembly, the highlight of which is the General of Debate,
Speaker 1: when each country's representative gets fifteen minutes to say what's
Speaker 1: on their mind. Basically, it's like a week long performance
Speaker 1: of the Vagina monologues. But instead of getting interesting lineups
Speaker 1: like this, we get a lineup like we had Wednesday
Speaker 1: with Barack Obama opening for Libyan leader Momar caf who
Speaker 1: is middling for Mahmudahmdennajah. Obama, who's your agent? I think
Speaker 1: you're working with the wrong Emmanuel brother. You're working with Ram,
Speaker 1: You're working with Zeke. You need a little Ari in
Speaker 1: your life. Yeah, hug it out. President Obama came to
Speaker 1: the international community with a clear message, mean no Bush.
Speaker 12: On my first day in office, I prohibited, without exception
Speaker 12: or equivocation, the use of torture. I ordered the President
Speaker 12: at Guantanamo Bay clothes. We have also re engaged the
Speaker 12: United Nations. We have paid our bills. We have joined
Speaker 12: the Human Rights Council. We have signed the Convention of
Speaker 12: the Rights of Persons with Disabilities.
Speaker 1: We have taken our giant magnifying glass away from the
Speaker 1: polar ice caps. We have made sure our rat army
Speaker 1: will be bred either for HyperIntelligence or enormous size, but
Speaker 1: no longer for both. We've called off our robot army.
Speaker 1: Later that day, Iranian pocket dictator makmudc Mdina John rolled
Speaker 1: out his list of grievances.
Speaker 11: It is not acceptable that the military budget of some
Speaker 11: governments exceeds far larger those of the entire countries of
Speaker 11: the world. The interests of certain powers as the only
Speaker 11: measurement of democracy, certain political interests groups, some governments, certain governments,
Speaker 11: those who've created the current disastrous situation.
Speaker 13: Name names.
Speaker 1: I'm terrible at these blind items. Who you referring to,
Speaker 1: Catherine Heigel?
Speaker 5: Who are you referring to?
Speaker 1: Christ Amdennaja's like the passive aggressive guy at your office.
Speaker 1: Apparently some people think they can eat other people's lunches,
Speaker 1: even though the tupperware was clearly labeled. Certain people can't
Speaker 1: read Todd his name names dude now. Based on crowd response,
Speaker 1: fou mda Jad's speech did not go over very well.
Speaker 1: The chamber was at least half empty. Many delegates either
Speaker 1: didn't show or walked out on Achmadenajod midway through, although
Speaker 1: to be fair, Dokman didna jod. Some of those empty
Speaker 1: seats can be explained by a glitch on the marquee
Speaker 1: outside the assembly room. By the way, who walks out
Speaker 1: halfway through Achmandanajod? Hey, Hey wait a minute, this guy's crazy.
Speaker 1: I thought he was gonna be really good. He's crazy,
Speaker 1: but even Achmadinajad didn't bring his normal level of lunacy.
Speaker 1: He realized that no matter what he did, he was
Speaker 1: following one of the all time nuts, legendary international terrorist supporter,
Speaker 1: Libya's moamarket Afy, who appeared at the UN for the
Speaker 1: first time in his forty year reign, looking like what
Speaker 1: would happen if a wax figure of Little Richard somehow
Speaker 1: snuck in and raided Roue mcclanahan's closet. I'm here, here,
Speaker 1: I'm here. No moa more, no more and more, I'm curing.
Speaker 1: He looks terrific and tangerine. Seriously, all right, you got
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes? What's been on your mind all these years?
Speaker 7: It should not be called the Security Council. It should
Speaker 7: be called the Terra Council. So Malis are not pirates.
Speaker 7: We are the pirates. I don't know how this will
Speaker 7: be translated, but if we add more water, it will
Speaker 7: be more muddy. Jack Robie and Israeli killed Lee Harvey.
Speaker 7: It is meant for all of us.
Speaker 14: Big or small, this white book.
Speaker 7: When I wake up at eleven o'clock, I'm supposed to
Speaker 7: be late and at four o'clock I'm awake. Why think
Speaker 7: about it? That's why in flui is perhaps tomorrow we
Speaker 7: shall have a fish flu.
Speaker 1: For an hour and a half, Mohamarkadavi gave what was
Speaker 1: either a master class in disturbed psychotic thinking or the
Speaker 1: highlights of his forty years of Andy Rooney esque commentary
Speaker 1: on Libya's version of sixty minutes.
Speaker 2: I mean, why do they call it tripoli?
Speaker 1: There's only one of them.
Speaker 2: Shouldn't they call it singly?
Speaker 1: Of course he did close strong.
Speaker 15: I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: No offense, mister Santana's is that the look was similar
Speaker 1: enough than we thought. There would be some humor in
Speaker 1: that juxtaposition. Our own Samantha Bey has been covering the
Speaker 1: United Nations summit. Sam you were down there, Momarkadavi, a
Speaker 1: state sponsor of terrorism, gave a hero's welcome to the
Speaker 1: Lockerbie Bomber gets up there for a speech allotted for
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes.
Speaker 16: Yes, I know, and he goes on for five minutes.
Speaker 17: It's unacceptable, John, and the UN is on it.
Speaker 13: It is not going to.
Speaker 10: Allow this.
Speaker 1: Right they did allow it.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no.
Speaker 17: The Security Council has convened an emergency session to strongly
Speaker 17: condemn Kaddafi and demand an end to his speech. Well,
Speaker 17: request suggest they're working through the language, but the.
Speaker 1: Speech has ended like a day and a half ago until.
Speaker 17: The member nations have agreed to send in UN inspectors
Speaker 17: to monitor Kadafi and to draft a report as to
Speaker 17: whether or not the speech has in fact ended.
Speaker 1: So you know the UN has sent UN inspectors.
Speaker 7: Into the UN, Well they will.
Speaker 17: There has been a delay in implementation.
Speaker 1: The inspectors work in the building.
Speaker 17: They slow down, speedy Gonzalez. There were some protocol issues
Speaker 17: that needed to be.
Speaker 1: Addressed, Sam, isn't this really the problem with the UN?
Speaker 1: I mean, if they're too feckless to stop people from
Speaker 1: speaking too at their own podium, how are they going
Speaker 1: to stop wars or prevent genocide or.
Speaker 17: Whoa take it down a notch, shock and awe. Quit
Speaker 17: it with the UN bashing right now. That is the
Speaker 17: kind of talk that will get you sanctioned. You will
Speaker 17: be sanctioned, or at the very least a committee will
Speaker 17: be formed to address possible effects.
Speaker 13: The sanction will have on you.
Speaker 17: Thank you, Sam, Yeah, tell it to the UN's observation
Speaker 17: and sanctioned Assessment, Regulatory Task Committee, Force Squad. They are
Speaker 17: going to observe the out of use.
Speaker 1: All right, Sam, thank you very much.
Speaker 17: I can't want to take us to the show.
Speaker 1: All right, Sam, By everybody, we'll be right back. The
Speaker 1: United Nations was founded in nineteen forty five to save
Speaker 1: future generations from the scourge of war.
Speaker 13: I think we all know.
Speaker 1: Ever since, everything's been pretty great more or less. We
Speaker 1: sent Jordan Klepper to the UN's recent General Assembly to
Speaker 1: report on how they're doing.
Speaker 12: Right now.
Speaker 16: The world is racked with problems like Syria, climate change, Sudan, Palestine,
Speaker 16: the Ukraine, and that's just one breath. If only there
Speaker 16: was an organization whose sole purpose was to solve these
Speaker 16: kinds of issues.
Speaker 6: All right.
Speaker 16: The UN with one hundred and seventeen world leaders in
Speaker 16: town last week for the General Assembly. I had it
Speaker 16: over to see what the hell they were doing to
Speaker 16: fix these messes.
Speaker 7: I have been attend in your relin Nations meeting for
Speaker 7: quite a couple of years now, and sometimes I think
Speaker 7: it becomes, you know, where we just come.
Speaker 10: Top top top.
Speaker 15: The UN needs to be a lot more effective in
Speaker 15: the interactions that they're taking to combat say things like Ebola.
Speaker 18: We have this organization that was established after World War
Speaker 18: two in order to guarantee that war will not be
Speaker 18: the destiny of humanity.
Speaker 16: So is it working?
Speaker 18: It should be working, But in our case it is
Speaker 18: not working.
Speaker 16: With so many diplomatic minds in the same place, surely
Speaker 16: they were all working together towards the common good.
Speaker 15: As one, I would blame primarily Russia as I would,
Speaker 15: doesn't matter fact.
Speaker 16: Which states specifically are getting in the way.
Speaker 18: Being such a good diplomat as I am, I should
Speaker 18: perhaps not name and shame all the states.
Speaker 16: India, India, China, China, is states China, the one that
Speaker 16: you weren't going to say in.
Speaker 18: China, United States is refusing to negotiate in good fear
Speaker 18: for us.
Speaker 16: Pointing fingers gets us nowhere. But who is given the
Speaker 16: way of progress?
Speaker 7: Is that guy?
Speaker 15: As you said, pointing fingers will get us nowhere. But again,
Speaker 15: it is not enough to just point the fingers. When
Speaker 15: we point the fingers, we should go to that person
Speaker 15: and tell him that, look, you are the one stalling
Speaker 15: the progress. Yeah, okay, yes.
Speaker 16: But perhaps the biggest obstacle of all is the UN
Speaker 16: Security Council aka the world's block. It decides who gets sanctions,
Speaker 16: who gets resolutions, and most often who gets ignored.
Speaker 15: It's not been able to do anything in Syria has
Speaker 15: been equally handicapped or equally divided on you.
Speaker 14: It's not majority rules because the five permanent members have
Speaker 14: a vita of the United States, you have Russia, you
Speaker 14: have China, you have France, and you have the United Kingdom.
Speaker 16: They all have to get together. Three of those were
Speaker 16: major dicks. Finally, I found a representative of the UN,
Speaker 16: the spokesperson for the Secretary General himself, to ask him
Speaker 16: what the point of this whole place was.
Speaker 19: We represent the collective willpower of governments, of states and
Speaker 19: of the people.
Speaker 16: So the collective willpower is to pass resolutions.
Speaker 19: Well, you know we all need to have good resolutions, right,
Speaker 19: we all need to keep resolutions.
Speaker 16: And I break my resolutions like a week after I
Speaker 16: make them.
Speaker 19: I think you do really well with the UN.
Speaker 16: Then, yes, the only bullet in their gun is the
Speaker 16: hollow pointed suggestion. So your strongest move is to urge.
Speaker 19: Stronger move is to encourage. Urge is encouraged.
Speaker 16: They're the same thing.
Speaker 18: Now, urge is encouraged.
Speaker 7: It's more it.
Speaker 16: Felt like everyone I spoke with was just talking in
Speaker 16: circles a little dizzy. What the world needs is a
Speaker 16: fresh start, without non binding resolutions or infighting or those
Speaker 16: security council assholes. I had a truly original idea, and
Speaker 16: I even had a name. What do you think of this.
Speaker 20: Word?
Speaker 15: Buddies?
Speaker 16: World Buddies a place where everyone has everyone's back, with
Speaker 16: varying membership levels. The best buddy level. You can text
Speaker 16: me anytime. I'll text you right back immediately, even if
Speaker 16: I'm out at a restaurant with a friend. Penpoul's a
Speaker 16: great one. I'll sign your resolution if you signed mine,
Speaker 16: kind of like scratcher back. Yes you know my butt.
Speaker 16: Silver Buddy comes with five free air strikes. You sign
Speaker 16: them today, you get twenty percent.
Speaker 15: Of I'm interested, most especially about the one not us
Speaker 15: to do with digging of wells and water systems around
Speaker 15: the world.
Speaker 16: Drinking buddy, Yes, yes, there's a drinking about yours.
Speaker 6: Yes.
Speaker 16: I have a vision of a world old where countries
Speaker 16: come together and listen to one another's problems as long
Speaker 16: as they're not too complicated. It's called World Buddies. Please
Speaker 16: don't join, Please don't join, And it's it's an opportunity
Speaker 16: to get every country together. Doesn't have to be everyone,
Speaker 16: but most countries together. And if you're interested, you don't
Speaker 16: have to be. I'd love you to take a look
Speaker 16: at that, or just hand it back to me.
Speaker 7: Well, I will read it, I will I will give it,
Speaker 7: I will give it to.
Speaker 16: Yeah, we'll leave it at that.
Speaker 10: This week is the United Nations General Assembly, which is
Speaker 10: happening in New York. It's the annual gathering that honestly
Speaker 10: could just be a zoom, but all the big names
Speaker 10: have shown up. President Biden gave a speech, Brazil's Bolscenaro
Speaker 10: gave a speech, and Beats gave a speech and filmed
Speaker 10: a music video from inside UN headquarters. Completely real. Yeah,
Speaker 10: old people were probably watching.
Speaker 5: This like what the hell is a BTS.
Speaker 10: And young people were watching it like what the hell
Speaker 10: is the UN? But it makes sense for BTS to
Speaker 10: show up at the UN. I mean, out of all
Speaker 10: the countries there, they probably have the most powerful army.
Speaker 10: And obviously there's a lot of global issues on the agenda,
Speaker 10: you know, climate change, Afghanistan, finding out who the father
Speaker 10: of little nas X's baby is. The rap community needs
Speaker 10: to know. It's devastating them. But there's also a brand
Speaker 10: new international dispute that's causing a lot of drama.
Speaker 21: France is furious with the US because of a surprise
Speaker 21: snub on a sixty five billion dollar diesel submarine contract. Originally,
Speaker 21: France and Australia had shaken hands on the deal, but
Speaker 21: just last week Australia changed course and went with the
Speaker 21: US and UK on a new contract for nuclear subs.
Speaker 21: France was so offended by the faux pas Macron pulled
Speaker 21: the French ambassadors to the US in Australia.
Speaker 22: France's foreign minister is calling the administration's decision unacceptable behavior
Speaker 22: between allies and partners, and a stabbed in the back
Speaker 22: of France, which had been trying to sell Australia it's
Speaker 22: less powerful subs and angry. France also canceled a gala
Speaker 22: in DC tonight celebrating the anniversary of a naval battle
Speaker 22: that France helped the colonies win in the Revolutionary War.
Speaker 10: Okay, look, look, guys, I mean canceling a party. That's
Speaker 10: no big deal. But you got to be pretty angry
Speaker 10: to cancel a gala. So that's a party with like
Speaker 10: fancy Napkins. But yeah, basically, Australia had promised to buy
Speaker 10: some submarines from France, right, but then they decided to
Speaker 10: ditch France and announced that they were instead gonna buy
Speaker 10: their submarines from the UK and America. And this whole
Speaker 10: story shocked me because when I first heard about it,
Speaker 10: I was like, I didn't even know France and Australia
Speaker 10: knew each other. Ah, But now it turns out that
Speaker 10: France is really embarrassed and they pissed off, so pist
Speaker 10: off that they called their ambassador to the US, which
Speaker 10: doesn't sound that crazy until you realize that in two
Speaker 10: hundred and fifty years, they've never done that before. Yeah,
Speaker 10: France was so mad that they've even recalled Timothy Chalamai's name.
Speaker 10: Now on, we have to call him Timmy Brown. It's
Speaker 10: just not as sexy, it really isn't Hey, might as
Speaker 10: well call me by your name. That's the movie, see
Speaker 10: what I did there? And you know, guys, France is
Speaker 10: making such a big deal about this deal that I'm
Speaker 10: starting to think that they needed this contract to pay
Speaker 10: the rent or something. And while France is upset with
Speaker 10: the UK and Australia, you can tell that they're especially
Speaker 10: mad at Joseph Robinette Biden because they came at him
Speaker 10: with the ultimate insults.
Speaker 13: So the language out of Paris right now is the
Speaker 13: harshest yet. Over the new security deal, Australia is struck
Speaker 13: with the US and Britain. While on Saturday the Foreign
Speaker 13: Minister didn't hide his contempt MPUK.
Speaker 23: What worries me is the behavior of the Americans said,
Speaker 23: this is your This unilateral, brutal, unpredictable decision looks a
Speaker 23: lot like what mister Trump used to do.
Speaker 10: Oh boy, no, tell me you didn't you did not
Speaker 10: just throw out the tea word at Joe Biden because
Speaker 10: you know what's going to happen next, right, Joe Biden's
Speaker 10: about to hit you with.
Speaker 5: The clap back get him.
Speaker 10: Joe, Well, he fell asleep, but when he wakes up,
Speaker 10: oh boy, you better look out now. Don't forget. The
Speaker 10: only reason Australia wants these subs in the first place
Speaker 10: is because China is becoming more and more aggressive in
Speaker 10: the region. So when China saw this deal, they also
Speaker 10: weren't happy.
Speaker 21: China's accusing the US of stoking a new arms race.
Speaker 21: Chinese state media warning Australia that it's now an adversary
Speaker 21: and to prepare.
Speaker 12: For the worst.
Speaker 20: Be a sensationalist. Chinese state media newspaper, the Global Times
Speaker 20: that had a front page article, and in that article
Speaker 20: it said that Australia was really marking itself out as
Speaker 20: an adversary of China and by making this move, it
Speaker 20: also made itself vulnerable as a potential nuclear target in
Speaker 20: the event of open conflict.
Speaker 10: God damn China. I wonder Australia's nervous. You guys just
Speaker 10: jumped straight to nuclear war. Isn't there a gala or
Speaker 10: something you can cancel first? You know, honestly, I think
Speaker 10: this whole situation could have been avoided. You know, these
Speaker 10: are submarines, right, They're supposed to be secrets. Oh knows,
Speaker 10: what's happening? Like, why are you even telling people about
Speaker 10: them in the first place. If I was Australia, I
Speaker 10: wouldn't spend billions of dollars on submarines. Spend billions of
Speaker 10: dollars on the people to help with what happened with COVID,
Speaker 10: and then I would just tell China that I bought
Speaker 10: the submarines, because how are they gonna know? It's all underwater. Yeah,
Speaker 10: we've got a bunch of them. No, no, there, they
Speaker 10: can't see them. Yeah, that's what they're for. Yeah, but
Speaker 10: we bought a ton Check my venmo you can see
Speaker 10: where I spent the money. But this is where we're
Speaker 10: at right now. France and China are both pissed at
Speaker 10: the US, Australia and the UK. And what makes it
Speaker 10: even worse is that right now they're all at the
Speaker 10: United Nations together. Can you imagine how awkward that is?
Speaker 10: I mean, well, luckily you don't have to imagine, because
Speaker 10: we at The Daily Show have exclusive footage of what
Speaker 10: goes on at these high level meetings, and we're going
Speaker 10: to share it with you in our brand new segments
Speaker 10: inside the UN.
Speaker 5: Welcome to the United Nations everyone, We're here to discuss
Speaker 5: climate change, the most important issue facing the planets.
Speaker 8: At feudn't fouldon' I would let us to discuss and
Speaker 8: even more important issues Beclaire, Ah.
Speaker 5: The submarine thing again, French paper are sou dramatic.
Speaker 7: Why don't you cry about it in black and white?
Speaker 20: My?
Speaker 10: Oh, I'm sorry, Monami. Do you think this is a joke?
Speaker 8: Let me tell you saucing when you are dealing with
Speaker 8: your allies and you are looking.
Speaker 3: To quit.
Speaker 5: And I ain't black in the let words.
Speaker 16: Now have you put me in?
Speaker 5: You put me back right now.
Speaker 20: This is not for me.
Speaker 5: It wasn't personal France. America just has better submarines. We
Speaker 5: had to DIGII do what was bit for our country.
Speaker 5: And if you're mad about it, we DIGERI don't give us.
Speaker 10: You know, I don't know what makes me angrier. You
Speaker 10: are the Americans.
Speaker 8: You cheated them us with.
Speaker 10: Hey buddy, if someone asks me to dance, I ain't
Speaker 10: gonna ask.
Speaker 5: Who they came with. I'm gonna put on my boots
Speaker 5: and we gonna start stepping.
Speaker 10: Yeah, come on, France, how can we trust your weapons
Speaker 10: in the first place.
Speaker 5: You can't even win a war by yourself.
Speaker 10: So you go to America.
Speaker 8: Ah, they just lost their war to people who don't
Speaker 8: even have Wi Fi.
Speaker 5: Hey, buddy, we didn't.
Speaker 10: Lose a war.
Speaker 5: Okay, we made a strategic decision not to win.
Speaker 8: This isn't about submarines.
Speaker 10: It's about layer key.
Speaker 6: Huh.
Speaker 10: How is it to be loyal?
Speaker 8: I am loyal to earn four of my mistresses.
Speaker 5: Okay, look, cheer up fronts. I'm sure, someone else will
Speaker 5: buy your submarines.
Speaker 10: That's just correct, Nigeria, we will buy some submarines.
Speaker 8: Ah, when is that case?
Speaker 10: Hey, we'll sell you submarines.
Speaker 8: Now, we will buy from America, Sonovivich.
Speaker 5: We will transpend their money to you. We just need
Speaker 5: your bunking account number America.
Speaker 10: Are your pin number two? Huh sounds good to me.
Speaker 5: Look, Mike, we gotta keep our eyes on the prize here.
Speaker 5: The real reason we need those submarines is because we're
Speaker 5: all scared of China.
Speaker 6: Wait, hold on.
Speaker 10: Why are you guys so scared? You don't need submarines
Speaker 10: in the Pacific.
Speaker 5: There's nothing going on there. Australian spiders are the size
Speaker 5: of horses.
Speaker 10: You should be scared of that.
Speaker 5: No, you've got.
Speaker 10: Something going on China. Every time I refresh my goddamn
Speaker 10: Google map, there's another ten islands popping up.
Speaker 5: Oh look, who knows geography? Now why or admit to China.
Speaker 5: You're trying to conquer the Pacific. I mean, you can't
Speaker 5: just take over territory that isn't yours.
Speaker 10: Oh, now, you can't do that.
Speaker 5: I'll see you at the next cricket match.
Speaker 10: Guys, guys, relax, you're so tense.
Speaker 5: Light enough.
Speaker 10: Check out TikTok.
Speaker 5: Everyone is dancing and there's funny animals.
Speaker 12: You like that.
Speaker 5: Stop trying to distract us, China. We're not going to
Speaker 5: fall for it.
Speaker 10: No, we are not, not today, China, we are.
Speaker 7: Oh guy.
Speaker 6: Check this out.
Speaker 5: This dog sings like still Indian ha. Oh my god,
Speaker 5: that's out money.
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Speaker 3: This has been a Comedy Central podcast