Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's gearing up for Halloween by
Speaker 1: selling kitchy but spooky home decor signs. His number one
Speaker 1: seller says, live, Laugh, die, I love it. I want
Speaker 1: words or die by. I guess get yours with Laser Stories,
Speaker 1: so funny frogs tickle segment where we read weird news.
Speaker 2: Stories problem just like everyone else does, except we've got
Speaker 2: a laser and those little plumpkinheads just don't. It's first
Speaker 2: Laser Stories out of Durango, Colorado.
Speaker 1: A forty one year old woman named Sophie Palagro was
Speaker 1: at her local mattress outlet the other day, but not
Speaker 1: sure she was really interested in buying anything, probably because
Speaker 1: she was extremely drunk. Nobody got it.
Speaker 2: Down.
Speaker 1: Coincidentally, on an employee playing the six foot tall Mattress
Speaker 1: mascot named Maddie just showed up to work and was
Speaker 1: waving to drivers right outside the store. That's when Sophie
Speaker 1: spotted him, stumbled over in his direction, and gave Maddie
Speaker 1: an aggressive hug.
Speaker 3: Oh she's a happy drug.
Speaker 1: Watching from inside the store, the mattress manager described her
Speaker 1: as quote drunk out of her mind. He says, Sophie
Speaker 1: kept trying to shove and trip Maddie to get him
Speaker 1: on the ground, and eventually she did knock him down. Then,
Speaker 1: standing over him, she screamed profanities.
Speaker 3: He'sposed to cuddle m Yeah.
Speaker 1: Eventually Maddie did a horseshoe roll, which is some type
Speaker 1: of old Western move to get up from off the ground.
Speaker 1: Then he ran inside and held the door close while
Speaker 1: the manager called nine one one.
Speaker 3: He's nimble for a mattress, must be a twin size.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, if he kept banging on the door and threw
Speaker 1: a few signs around, cops caught up with her a
Speaker 1: block away and arrested her for assault. No word on
Speaker 1: how long she'll be behind bars, but she did request
Speaker 1: a face to face with Maddie to apologize. Doubtful that
Speaker 1: that's gonna happen.
Speaker 3: So what happens when you go to brunch with alexis
Speaker 3: you every time?
Speaker 1: This next laser story is out of New Hampshire. There's
Speaker 1: a sixty five year old man named Michael Arnold who
Speaker 1: was just arrested for stalking a woman. Boo on the stalking,
Speaker 1: not boo on arresting him away? Did him alone? We
Speaker 1: did it? Jeff? Okay, just want to make sure you
Speaker 1: know what side we're on. And the weird part is
Speaker 1: he wasn't just following her around town. He was flying
Speaker 1: around instead. And what I mean by that is he
Speaker 1: would actually fly a small propeller plane over her house
Speaker 1: and throw tomatoes down onto her roof from above.
Speaker 3: It's so extra you could pray se salad.
Speaker 1: He comes back with some mazzarella basil. Sometimes do these
Speaker 1: flybys three times a week, and she could definitely hear it.
Speaker 1: She said he'd fly so close that the doors and
Speaker 1: windows to her house would rattle.
Speaker 3: It's like the first time a pilot's ever been turned down.
Speaker 3: So he's confusing.
Speaker 1: The woman says she made repeated complaints, but she couldn't
Speaker 1: get the authorities to take her seriously.
Speaker 3: Well, it's also like, what are we supposed to do, lady,
Speaker 3: how do we stop a.
Speaker 1: Plane whenever they want? Giant polls?
Speaker 3: Good idea, Jeff I like it.
Speaker 1: Even when her neighbors corroborated her claims, and when cops
Speaker 1: finally did listen, she couldn't get the police to work
Speaker 1: with the FAA.
Speaker 3: Damn Daniel, you would think that they could just pull
Speaker 3: his license, ground his plane.
Speaker 1: As for Michael, the airplane tomato stalker. He denied that
Speaker 1: he was the one flying it, but refused to reveal
Speaker 1: who the pilot really was. He told the local news.
Speaker 1: I might be able to help, but I don't want
Speaker 1: to throw anybody under the bus. I mean, if they
Speaker 1: don't want to get involved, I can't get them involved.
Speaker 3: Okay, so he's also a terrible Yes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Finally cops caught him after months of doing this,
Speaker 1: and because Michael already had an order of protection against him.
Speaker 1: He's now facing an additional eight counts of misdemeanor criminal
Speaker 1: contempt as well as one felony.
Speaker 3: Good wouldn't it be great if they just allowed her
Speaker 3: to like walk by his jail selling throw tomatoes at
Speaker 3: him for.
Speaker 1: Punishment? Yeah? Fits the crime. This next Lazer story is
Speaker 1: out of Food News. Do you have an emergency pizza
Speaker 1: in your freezer for when you're too busy or maybe
Speaker 1: too lazy to cook yourself a real meal?
Speaker 3: I am tired.
Speaker 1: Well, now you don't even have to preheat your oven,
Speaker 1: because Dominoes is cutting in on that action by offering
Speaker 1: free emergency pizzas for the next four months.
Speaker 3: Frozen Dominoes, No.
Speaker 1: Not frozen, heated, real I'm gonna it's pizza.
Speaker 3: And that just ordering a pizza, Jeff.
Speaker 1: But it's an emergency free pizza. Oh, the thing is free.
Speaker 1: It's a marketing stunt to get more people to sign
Speaker 1: up for their rewards program. This apparently if you order
Speaker 1: online and spend at least eight dollars, they'll add a
Speaker 1: credit for one free medium two topping emergency pizza onto
Speaker 1: your account.
Speaker 3: That's pretty good.
Speaker 1: You have to sign in within a week after you
Speaker 1: order if you want to claim it.
Speaker 3: So you got to have the double pizza week.
Speaker 1: What you're saying, you're on a time limit and you
Speaker 1: are thirty days after you register to redeem your emergency pizza.
Speaker 3: So I should stop calling nine to one one now
Speaker 3: when I need an emergency pizza.
Speaker 1: You probably just dominos a do If you forget, it
Speaker 1: resets and you can do it again. But each person
Speaker 1: only gets one.
Speaker 3: Alexis, you should get some more roommates real quick.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can do it anytime between now and February eleventh,
Speaker 1: with a few exceptions. They have blackout dates on how
Speaker 1: Halloween and New Year's Eve. Of course, no emergency pizzas. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this next laser story is out of Halloween. HQ love it.
Speaker 1: BuzzFeed just did a big pole on couple's costumes to
Speaker 1: help people decide if their idea is cute or cringey.
Speaker 3: Like it.
Speaker 1: Over thirty five thousand people voted, and here were the
Speaker 1: top ones. Number seven Mickey and Minnie.
Speaker 3: Oh oh, that's cute.
Speaker 1: Is very cute. Fifty three percent still think it's a
Speaker 1: great couple's costume. Forty seven percent say cringe.
Speaker 3: Kind of hard to be hot as a guy is
Speaker 3: Mickey Mouse.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the other issue, Mickey Mouse with abs. You
Speaker 1: don't think someone could pull it off?
Speaker 3: Okay, so a shirtless no, I'm trying to see us.
Speaker 1: Number six Harley Quinn the Joker.
Speaker 3: Too many times I say cringe.
Speaker 1: Forty nine percent say cute, Fifty one percent say cringey.
Speaker 3: Yeah it's just overdone.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Number five Kermit and Miss Pig. Fifty five percent
Speaker 1: say cringey, but still kind of popular after all these years.
Speaker 1: Only if the guy is Miss Peggy. Number four couple's
Speaker 1: costume idea Corilla Deville in a Dalmatian's.
Speaker 3: Sick, Sick and twisted and I love it.
Speaker 1: Sixty three percent say that's cringe. Oh really. Number three
Speaker 1: Homer and Marge Simpson.
Speaker 3: Oh, this is one of our options for our group costume.
Speaker 1: Sixty seven percent say you cringe. Okay, let's check that
Speaker 1: off the list. Just in general, they say straight out
Speaker 1: of the bag costumes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that sucks.
Speaker 1: That's kind of outdated, and they do not do well
Speaker 1: in this poll.
Speaker 3: And it's hard to make a homemade march And you
Speaker 3: know Simpson.
Speaker 1: Heidi Klume. I bet would be able to pull one off.
Speaker 3: Sure, but she worked on it for a year and
Speaker 3: probably spends over one hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: Number two Fred and Daphne from Scooby Doo.
Speaker 3: These are moving up in cringe level. Oh they are
Speaker 3: jack you Yeah.
Speaker 1: We went a Scooby Doo a couple of years ago.
Speaker 1: Seventy four percent think this is still a good one.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, they like Scooby. Only twenty six percent say cringe.
Speaker 1: And finally, Number one costume, Canon Barbie. Seventy eight percent
Speaker 1: say cute, twenty two percent say cringe.
Speaker 3: Oh I love it all the Barbies.
Speaker 1: We're forgetting the obvious couple's costume, the turtle and the shoe.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, we have had a listener addresses this before.
Speaker 3: Have I remember someone sharing a.
Speaker 1: Photo of that. Poul says one hundred percent cringe, but
Speaker 1: also one hundred percent sensual. That's always a good thing
Speaker 1: on Halloween. That means Laser Stories has come to an
Speaker 1: end for the day. We'll do it again, same time
Speaker 1: on Monday
Speaker 3: Brooking Jeffrey in the morning,