Speaker 1: Two hopelessas one dating app then dares you, guys, swipe right.
Speaker 1: The question is whose love life is more tragic.
Speaker 2: It's Battle of the Tinder Dates.
Speaker 3: It's the dating game show that has a pilot eject
Speaker 3: button for the loser. Oh so, get ready for a
Speaker 3: scream in edition of Battle of the Tender Dates, where
Speaker 3: two of our listeners go head to head to find
Speaker 3: out whose dating life is the most tragic. We'll explain
Speaker 3: the rules in just a second. First, let's meet today's
Speaker 3: contestants in this corner. Even when he gets bad service
Speaker 3: at a restaurant, he still tips thirty percent, then leaves
Speaker 3: and lights a small fire in the alley behind the
Speaker 3: kitchen like a gentleman.
Speaker 2: Meet big Flame, Jans.
Speaker 4: He died.
Speaker 2: We always have a lighter gasoline on hand, James or.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And in the other corner, his ideal first date is
Speaker 3: living through a global apocalypse that white sad humanity, making
Speaker 3: it his responsibility to repopulate the entire earth neat fertile Kyle.
Speaker 4: Hello, Hello, Hello Kyle.
Speaker 2: We were so close there for a second. You know
Speaker 2: I'm talking to I think I just got pregnant. Well,
Speaker 2: how the game works.
Speaker 3: One contestant is going to start by telling one of
Speaker 3: their worst dating stories. Then the other will try and
Speaker 3: counter with a nightmare story of their own. We're going
Speaker 3: back and forth for three rounds, and afterwards we will
Speaker 3: declare a winner. Big Flame James kick us off.
Speaker 4: So I went ice dating with this girl.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's cute.
Speaker 4: It was both our first time ever.
Speaker 3: Try again, not so cute like Bambi out there.
Speaker 4: What if he needs to know to be able to
Speaker 4: hold the other one up?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 4: So she offered to put my phone in her wallet,
Speaker 4: in my watching and my stuff in her purse, and
Speaker 4: she put it inside of a locker. So we get
Speaker 4: on the ice and it turns out she's really good
Speaker 4: at ice skating.
Speaker 2: On the first try.
Speaker 4: Yeah, on the first while I'm slipping in in the middle,
Speaker 4: I see her doing a figure eight over twelve lockers.
Speaker 2: That ye, the truth here.
Speaker 4: But this is the worst part. When she gets to
Speaker 4: the lockers, she steals my stuff and just waves goodbye
Speaker 4: to me.
Speaker 2: No, you can't get over there. Well she she kind
Speaker 2: of fertile, Kyle, can you count her?
Speaker 1: Okay, I went out with this girl and she immediately
Speaker 1: invited me over to her place, which it turns out
Speaker 1: she lives with her parents. Oh yeah, I didn't tell
Speaker 1: you that prior. She didn't mention that, but I was surprised,
Speaker 1: but I stayed h really okay. Yeah, And then right
Speaker 1: before bed, she told me if we want to hook up,
Speaker 1: they wouldn't be able to hear us if we went
Speaker 1: into this dirty, unfinished crawl space under the house.
Speaker 3: Oh gosh, it's like hook up.
Speaker 5: Den.
Speaker 2: Here's a decision that you have to make.
Speaker 5: Well, I.
Speaker 1: Hit it. I said, yes, wasn't worth it. It was
Speaker 1: the filthiest walk of shame ever.
Speaker 2: Round two, James.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I did a candle making class for like our
Speaker 4: first day candle making. When you start, they let you
Speaker 4: pick the scent.
Speaker 2: Okay, I picked vanilla Vanilla va.
Speaker 4: When my date got ax with sin she wanted to pick.
Speaker 4: She wanted it to smell like her last boyfriend.
Speaker 2: Oh do they have that in the array. Yeah, vanilla hazelnut.
Speaker 2: Your ex tears. That's what she said out loud.
Speaker 4: Out loud, like to the person who acts. And then
Speaker 4: after that, this is the craziest part. She took a
Speaker 4: lock of hair from her purse and acts that they
Speaker 4: could bake it into a candle for her Oh god, did.
Speaker 2: It smell good? Surprising good? Okay, that is awful, Kyle
Speaker 2: got to hit back.
Speaker 1: All right. I just had a tandard dinner date with
Speaker 1: this girl and then I paid for her uber to
Speaker 1: get back to her apartment.
Speaker 2: Okay, classic Jose move, keep going.
Speaker 1: I look at the tracker and I see that it
Speaker 1: takes a detour for a moment, but then it gets
Speaker 1: back on track.
Speaker 3: It's a little bit creepy that you're watching exactly sure
Speaker 3: you're out.
Speaker 1: But okay, I'm making sure she gets home.
Speaker 2: Just wait for the text.
Speaker 1: But all right, but then it gets weirder when I'm
Speaker 1: charged to a fee. I thought it was, you know,
Speaker 1: maybe she puked in the back and they were charging
Speaker 1: me for the clean up. It turns out she picked
Speaker 1: up another guy and started hooking up in the back seat.
Speaker 2: Oh what can you see that on the little icon?
Speaker 4: Does it change?
Speaker 2: No wonder? Alexis's uber bill is always so high.
Speaker 3: It's around three. This is their final round. Need to
Speaker 3: be your best stories, gentlemen, What do you got?
Speaker 2: James?
Speaker 4: So, I'm I met a girl who volunteers at the
Speaker 4: Humane Society. Oh she acually to come meet her there
Speaker 4: before our dinner day.
Speaker 5: Signs.
Speaker 4: She comes out holding a cat. Okay, okay, and she
Speaker 4: filled out an application under my name and adopted a
Speaker 4: cat for me.
Speaker 2: Oh your cat.
Speaker 4: Apparently the shelter had too many kittens, so she said
Speaker 4: she was using lonely tender guys as candidates to come
Speaker 4: take them.
Speaker 2: That's a different definition of cat fishing. Somebody did, what
Speaker 2: did you name your cat?
Speaker 5: I didn't take the cat, Terrible Kyle, last chance go okay,
Speaker 5: I matched with what I thought was a real life
Speaker 5: model on Tinder.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: Already.
Speaker 1: By way through our date, she told me she has
Speaker 1: this big gig coming up, and she asked me if
Speaker 1: she could fact is showing me her poses? Okay, obviously
Speaker 1: I say.
Speaker 2: Yes, even if she's not great at it, Who cares?
Speaker 1: She puts her fingers in her mouth, go on and
Speaker 1: opens her lips up wide.
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm listening.
Speaker 5: Okay.
Speaker 1: Well, I was like, what's going on? She says she
Speaker 1: does dentistry. Magazine shoots, oh, she's a professional gum model.
Speaker 2: Wow wow. Jefferys still like and continue, what did.
Speaker 5: She do next?
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 2: Final bell? That means the match is over. We have
Speaker 2: to score this, Alexis.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go James for the girl with the ex boyfriend,
Speaker 3: candle My god One for big Blame James Brooke, I
Speaker 3: feel bad for James.
Speaker 4: I go James for getting robbed.
Speaker 2: Congratulations, Blame James. You have a dating life that makes
Speaker 2: jose feel good about being single.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I didn't think I'll go to Window one.
Speaker 5: Nice.
Speaker 2: That's Battle of the tender dates. Phone tap right after
Speaker 2: this