Speaker 1: Left you a little something before the show started.
Speaker 2: Daniel, Oh, that's lovely. I can't wait to hear it. Hi, everybody,
Speaker 2: how are you very well yourself? You don't have Joel today,
Speaker 2: She's no Joel.
Speaker 1: Who am I going to talk about Ahsoka with? I
Speaker 1: thought today was the day, Daniel.
Speaker 2: You really have to raise the bar today. You have
Speaker 2: to be all things Joel and all things Daniel. Oh goodness,
Speaker 2: what a high bar. But I will do my best,
Speaker 2: I promise. Do you feel confident speaking for the lgbt
Speaker 2: Q community.
Speaker 1: You have already failed, Daniel as.
Speaker 2: Joel sounds like no, sounds like no. Daniel Donald, you're
Speaker 2: finally I think this is our first podcast since you're
Speaker 2: allowed to talk about whatever bullshit Star Wars ship you
Speaker 2: want to talk about.
Speaker 1: Well, first of all, eat these bulls.
Speaker 2: Eat these balls, Zach.
Speaker 1: It is first of all, there's that. But second, go ahead.
Speaker 2: What do you love Ahsoka?
Speaker 1: I do love Ahsoka. I'm not gonna lie. I loved
Speaker 1: it so much that I still watch it now. I've
Speaker 1: watched every episode except for the first two. The first
Speaker 1: two is backstory. I didn't need to necessarily know what
Speaker 1: everybody else did. But I'm one who kept up with rebels.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that Sabine and Ahsoka were, you know,
Speaker 1: training as Padawan and master master in Padawan. But you know,
Speaker 1: I didn't need all of the we've got a map
Speaker 1: to find as a story. Fuck that shit, let's get
Speaker 1: right into it. Let's go get this boy.
Speaker 2: Could someone watch this show if there don't know Star Wars,
Speaker 2: all the different chapters and lore.
Speaker 1: If you like Star Wars, this is the show for you.
Speaker 1: If you're somebody that's like, I don't give a shit
Speaker 1: either way, this isn't for you. But what I'm.
Speaker 2: Saying, if I haven't watched everything, and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna try Ahsoka, I don't know the whole everything
Speaker 2: that's happened.
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily think these people exist. This person that
Speaker 1: you're talking about right now, well, it's me exist.
Speaker 2: It's me. I don't watch all the time. There's I
Speaker 2: know Vader, sorry spoilers, I know Vader was Luke Skywalker's father.
Speaker 1: Okay, what else? Do you know? What?
Speaker 2: I know that they can they have powers, and they
Speaker 2: can make like like a storm tuber. Go, these aren't
Speaker 2: the droids I'm looking for, right?
Speaker 1: Do you know about any systems that you want to
Speaker 1: talk about.
Speaker 2: The Dagaba system there, I see. We were in Vegas
Speaker 2: this weekend and I was asking Donald what is the
Speaker 2: way I was trying to ask him some trivia. I said,
Speaker 2: which planet has the most Star Wars action taking place
Speaker 2: on it? What was your tattooing?
Speaker 1: It's in everything?
Speaker 2: And then I asked him if they ever revisit the
Speaker 2: one of the Ewoks because I like that planet. It
Speaker 2: was very pretty indoor And you said, no, they don't
Speaker 2: go back to Endoor. Well, you know what, these are
Speaker 2: the questions I was asking as you walk to the in.
Speaker 1: The Rise of Skywalker, the planet that they're on, where
Speaker 1: the death Star is in the water, that's in the
Speaker 1: that's in the same system as Indoor. Obviously, because I'm.
Speaker 2: So proud of your knowledge. It's in the same system.
Speaker 1: Right, Well, it's I don't know if that was indoor,
Speaker 1: but it's definitely in the same system.
Speaker 2: Because I just like saying Digabo system.
Speaker 1: I know you love that word a little. The Dega system.
Speaker 1: And my jetpack is out of juice.
Speaker 2: Donald and I went to F one in Vegas. It
Speaker 2: was a lot of fun.
Speaker 1: Were allowed to talk about the things that we witnessed
Speaker 1: this weekend cars.
Speaker 2: Who we met? Would that be a secret? Who we met?
Speaker 2: Who did you meet? Do you want do you want
Speaker 2: me to be the one to tell them?
Speaker 1: You tell this?
Speaker 2: I want to make Daniel jealous. Tell I'm already John.
Speaker 2: I saw the Instagram stories.
Speaker 1: I was like, of course, tell you tell the story
Speaker 1: of who we met. You tell the story you you
Speaker 1: already met the person, and then who we ran into well,
Speaker 1: and then who he ran to the time.
Speaker 2: I'm friends with Jared Land, who created the Red Camera.
Speaker 2: This man is a brilliant mind. And for those who
Speaker 2: don't know, the Red camera is one of the most
Speaker 2: common cinema digital cinema cameras that's that's used. Some directors
Speaker 2: swear by it, like like David Fincher for example, and
Speaker 2: it's a it's a brilliant camera. I own a low end,
Speaker 2: small version of it called the Red Kimodo, and there's
Speaker 2: all different levels of the Red It's really amazing camera. Anyway,
Speaker 2: I'm lucky enough to be friendly with Jared Land, who
Speaker 2: created And he was at F one and he said,
Speaker 2: come by, We're in this suite and I knew who
Speaker 2: he was with, and I said, Donald, come with me,
Speaker 2: I have a little surprise for you. And Donald was
Speaker 2: coming back from the bathroom. He's like, what are you doing?
Speaker 2: I said, just follow me, oh man. And we went
Speaker 2: to this suite and it was in a really good
Speaker 2: location for watching it.
Speaker 1: It was like pod racing, man for real, for real.
Speaker 1: That ship I got there right away. When the when
Speaker 1: they take off the first lap is some bullshit. I
Speaker 1: guess it's the pole position. Let's get into position.
Speaker 2: Oh, I think it's a heating up the tires. Donald, they.
Speaker 1: Whatever that ship is.
Speaker 2: You didn't like that. You didn't like the formation.
Speaker 1: That was exciting.
Speaker 2: It's meant to be exciting. It's not the start of
Speaker 2: the race. It's not the start of the race.
Speaker 1: But the start of a race right away. Accident boom
Speaker 1: right away?
Speaker 2: Yeah, right away.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I felt bad for that guy.
Speaker 1: We were at the start and the finish. Yeah.
Speaker 2: We were right above where they do all the you know,
Speaker 2: where they where they pull into what do you call it,
Speaker 2: the pit stop? We were right above the pits, which
Speaker 2: leads me to the end my next story. So we
Speaker 2: walk and we go to the suite and we come
Speaker 2: around bend and my friend Jared is very tall and
Speaker 2: he's in a pink hoodie. So I see him and
Speaker 2: he's let's.
Speaker 1: Talk about how we First they wouldn't let us into
Speaker 1: the suite first.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, because he was like, he was like, just
Speaker 2: come here and just get in. I go, am I
Speaker 2: gonna get it. It's like the owner's suite. He's like,
Speaker 2: he's like, you guys are famous. She'll be fine. I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: I don't know if that's gonna work. So at first
Speaker 2: we walk up and because we had a we were
Speaker 2: there with T mobiles, we had T mobile IDs and
Speaker 2: they were like no, no, no, you can't get in here.
Speaker 2: And I was like, was also sponsoring the race, right,
Speaker 2: but anyway, So so then another woman who worked there
Speaker 2: came up and she did recognize Donald and I and
Speaker 2: she was like told the other woman like, no, no, they're fine,
Speaker 2: they're fine. She said, who are you looking for? I said,
Speaker 2: I'm looking for my friend. Uh. He's in a He
Speaker 2: just told me that he's in like a hot pink hoodie.
Speaker 2: And I was like okay. So she helps us look him.
Speaker 2: We can't find and we're looking around. Go outside. We
Speaker 2: come around to Bend and there in the corner waiting
Speaker 2: for Donald and I is David Fincher and Brad Pitt? What, Yeah,
Speaker 2: watching the race? Ready to watch with Donald and me?
Speaker 2: It was cool, right, Donald, Donald? Donald. I was worried
Speaker 2: because on the way there Donald's and like, if Brad
Speaker 2: Pitt's really there, I might ask for a selfie. And
Speaker 2: I go, no, I did not say that. You did
Speaker 2: say that. You said you may have been kidding. You
Speaker 2: may have been kidding when you're like, I'm asked for
Speaker 2: a selfie for Casey, and I go, I didn't say that,
Speaker 2: You're right, And I go, I go, don't you dare
Speaker 2: ask for a selfie. That's gonna be embarrassing. I was like,
Speaker 2: and then you held it together. You didn't ask for
Speaker 2: a selfie.
Speaker 1: I kept it together very well. Actually I was on
Speaker 1: my best behavior.
Speaker 2: So then we come around the bend. There they are
Speaker 2: and Donald.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a good time in my life where where
Speaker 1: Zach and I met someone where we were like, holy shit,
Speaker 1: he looks just like he does in the movies and stuff.
Speaker 1: And it was when we met Benjamin Bratt. And this
Speaker 1: is back in the early days of Scrubs. I think
Speaker 1: this is season one, and we got invited to a party.
Speaker 2: But this was really cooler. No offense to Benjamin Bratt.
Speaker 1: Ben but love you, bro. But even though I called
Speaker 1: you Emilia once accidentally, I love you, bro.
Speaker 2: Friend of the show. Uh No, it was cool man
Speaker 2: and and and Brad is just as handsome in person
Speaker 2: as I met him a long time ago. But he's
Speaker 2: he was.
Speaker 1: So looks like he does in the movies.
Speaker 2: Man, he does.
Speaker 1: The wife was like my wife. When I told Casey
Speaker 1: about it, she was like, he's handsome many.
Speaker 2: And by the way, he looked so cool, like he
Speaker 2: wasn't like, you know, it wasn't in a hoodie. He
Speaker 2: had like a fucking fit on. He looked cool.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Then and Finchered also, man, that was awesome.
Speaker 2: And Fincher was awesome and he and I got to
Speaker 2: tell him I loved his new movie, which I did.
Speaker 2: I recommend seeing The Killer. It's really cracked on Netflix.
Speaker 2: And uh and then Donald and I just acted cool,
Speaker 2: like we were chilling with the three of them for
Speaker 2: a little bit, right, Donald, we held it together.
Speaker 1: We did we talked shit, you know, we found out
Speaker 1: why they were there and what they were doing.
Speaker 2: And yeah, you know, it was cool.
Speaker 1: It was it was really awesome.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then Zack's like, yo, look man, we're going out tonight.
Speaker 1: And this is around what's around midnight?
Speaker 2: It was probably around eleven eleven thirty midnight.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I'm like, I want to gamble, bro let's
Speaker 1: go play. Let's go play the tables. He's like, nah,
Speaker 1: let's go out. And we're hanging out with Common, We're
Speaker 1: hanging out with the head of t Mobile. We're in
Speaker 1: the suite with all of our people.
Speaker 2: You know, it's cool that you missed Donald was Ryan
Speaker 2: Klugman's there.
Speaker 1: Uh, Clugman's there, Entrepreneur's there, like, all of our people
Speaker 1: are there. We're like amongst our family, right, like our crew.
Speaker 1: And I'm like and Zach's like, they're like, let's go here.
Speaker 1: And Zach's like, no, we're gonna go here. And I'm like, dude,
Speaker 1: but with the posse, and he's like, no, we're gonna
Speaker 1: go here.
Speaker 2: And he's insistent, Well, like we were gonna go We're
Speaker 2: in Vegas, right, and we had already I had already
Speaker 2: been crushed at Blackjack. Like I don't know Donald, if
Speaker 2: you want or not, but I got fucking crushed.
Speaker 1: I didn't win anything. Yeah, I know what I want.
Speaker 1: I want to know, I want a nice little guccio.
Speaker 1: That's wheah I want.
Speaker 2: Well, I got crushed at Blackjack, so I was like,
Speaker 2: let's go to one party and we went. It was
Speaker 2: so crowded, so we'd like stayed for like twenty five minutes.
Speaker 2: It was so packed. It was uncomfortable. But we had fun. Man,
Speaker 2: we had a good time, didn't we. And and you know,
Speaker 2: F one is awesome, but it really the funny thing.
Speaker 2: And I'm know I'm not the only one who says
Speaker 2: this is it's cool to go watch them go but
Speaker 2: you really have to watch it on TV. Everyone's in
Speaker 2: the suite watching it on TV.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Well I liked watching them go by to
Speaker 1: zip zipping by, watching the car zip by in front
Speaker 1: of a monitor with Brad Pitt and and and Fincher, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and Jared Land. That was the dopest part. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: was cool of anything. And and I didn't mind them
Speaker 1: just zipping by for that brief.
Speaker 2: Well, what's also cool is that Brad is in I
Speaker 2: call him Brad now, Brad is in that F one movie.
Speaker 2: So he was like saying, like insider shit because he
Speaker 2: knows it all because he's you know, making an F
Speaker 2: one movie that was Wow, that's say cool, you know what?
Speaker 3: You know what being there does show you when the
Speaker 3: cars are just zipping by. When you watch it on TV,
Speaker 3: it really makes it seem like people are closer than
Speaker 3: they are. But when you're watching the race live, you're
Speaker 3: really like, wow, Max for Staffing is really far.
Speaker 2: Ahead of everybody.
Speaker 3: Yeah, just like zips by, and then fifteen seconds later
Speaker 3: someone else zips by.
Speaker 1: It's like oh wow, yeah on TV. On TV, it
Speaker 1: seems like they're or they're closer, I guess, but it's
Speaker 1: not that it's not that far away. Like when you say,
Speaker 1: like he's that much ahead, it's like tenths of a second. Though,
Speaker 1: it's like bim, don't, don't go, bil't.
Speaker 2: But you have no context when you're there. If you're
Speaker 2: just watching, you have no context of what's happening like
Speaker 2: you need. Actually, when we went to with Fincher and
Speaker 2: Pitt and Jared, they had the perfect setup because they
Speaker 2: were outside on on you know, of the suite on
Speaker 2: a ledge. But then they just had a monitor right
Speaker 2: there so you could you could easily watch both. It's
Speaker 2: most people go out and like check it out for
Speaker 2: a second and then you go in the suite and
Speaker 2: watch it on TV, because otherwise you have no idea
Speaker 2: what's going on. It was cool.
Speaker 1: I had the perfect setup and it was right in
Speaker 1: front of the pit intended that's what you hear.
Speaker 2: Literally anyway, I was trying to say Donald the night
Speaker 2: before you came, Ryan Tedder sang in the suite and
Speaker 2: he did this medley of his songs and I had
Speaker 2: no idea how many fucking hits he's written?
Speaker 1: Too late to apologize?
Speaker 2: Do you know that he wrote Halo for.
Speaker 1: Wow? I did not know that. Remember these walls Tumbling?
Speaker 2: And he wrote a song he wrote one of A
Speaker 2: Dell's mega hits. He wrote, I mean he wrote so
Speaker 2: many A Miley hits, like he's got so many guns.
Speaker 1: What's the one he had for top Gun? That was
Speaker 1: a hot one? Yeah, one that was hot for the summer.
Speaker 2: And he wrote as it was as it was. It
Speaker 2: was the guy's a hit machine and it's just to
Speaker 2: say yeah. And he was really super sweet. And you
Speaker 2: know what he said to me, what do you say?
Speaker 1: You mean?
Speaker 2: The best soundtrack of all time? Ah Art degree, so
Speaker 2: Art degree. I liked him even more after he said that.
Speaker 1: I'm going to say he made the best mixtape of
Speaker 1: all time.
Speaker 2: Why do you gotta fucking well it is? I mean,
Speaker 2: I don't know I'm about to defend that. Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: a mixtape.
Speaker 1: Compliment you could give it. That was the dopest mixtape ever.
Speaker 2: All right, Well, today on the show list of.
Speaker 1: What type of music you listen to, you find something
Speaker 1: on there. Not a lot of hip hop, not a
Speaker 1: lot of hip hop, actually no hip hop.
Speaker 2: But hey, no, you know, we had the surge in
Speaker 2: general and talking about loneliness, and I thought it was
Speaker 2: a good segue into having someone on to talk about relationships,
Speaker 2: because a healthy relationship can be one of the things
Speaker 2: to contribute to you getting out of your loneliness, one
Speaker 2: getting out of their loneliness. I have thoughts, Yeah, you're
Speaker 2: gonna have lots of thoughts. But this woman, Jillian Tareki,
Speaker 2: has a podcast and she's really incredible person, and we
Speaker 2: asked her to be on and she said yes right away,
Speaker 2: and I think she's gonna give us some insightful things
Speaker 2: on relationships, both if you're in a relationship and like
Speaker 2: Donald Faison and Daniel Goodman is that your last name? Nelton?
Speaker 2: And also those people out there who are looking to
Speaker 2: be in a healthy relationship. I recommend following her on
Speaker 2: Instagram because she she drops a lot of knowledge, lots
Speaker 2: of good quotes, and lots of good little sound bites.
Speaker 2: And I found that, you know, I have a friend
Speaker 2: who's going through a tough time with dating, and I
Speaker 2: just I found that I was sending her so many
Speaker 2: of these quotes, and I said, I should we should
Speaker 2: try and have this woman on because she just really
Speaker 2: says some very insightful things about dating. So we're lucky
Speaker 2: that she's here. Daniel, is she here?
Speaker 1: She is here?
Speaker 2: Okay, how about we accounted.
Speaker 1: Stories that show?
Speaker 2: We made about a bunch of.
Speaker 4: He said, he's the stories next.
Speaker 2: Ye, Daniel. Do you feel that you're being your full
Speaker 2: Joel at this moment so far on the show. I
Speaker 2: made sure you guys count in so so far? Yes, Okay, Hey,
Speaker 2: how are you guys? So nice to meet you.
Speaker 4: Nice to meet you too.
Speaker 2: Thank you for coming on our show. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 2: I was just saying before you came in the room
Speaker 2: that I have a friend who's going through a really
Speaker 2: tricky dating time and I have just been blasting her
Speaker 2: with your quotes on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 2: You're just so I love the way you phrase things.
Speaker 2: And we just had the Surgeon General on a couple
Speaker 2: weeks ago and he was talking about loneliness and I
Speaker 2: thought a good segue after loneliness would be to have
Speaker 2: been a relationship expert on because I just think some
Speaker 2: of the things that you say your videos, they're just really,
Speaker 2: really helpful, and I'm just so glad that you said
Speaker 2: yes to joining us.
Speaker 4: Well, I appreciate the compliments and the kind words, and
Speaker 4: I appreciate the invitation.
Speaker 2: So it's a big.
Speaker 4: Giant love fest.
Speaker 2: Can I play one of your audio clips to start
Speaker 2: us off? Do you mind if I do that?
Speaker 4: Oh my god, Yeah, that's all right.
Speaker 2: Everyone should follow Jillian Tareki on Instagram and here's one
Speaker 2: of her pinned top videos. Let's see if I can
Speaker 2: manage the audio of this.
Speaker 1: Well enough.
Speaker 4: Relationships rarely end because of a lack of love. They
Speaker 4: more commonly end because of a lack of connection. And
Speaker 4: it's in the absence of connection that people's motivation to
Speaker 4: meet each other's needs fates. And what causes this lack
Speaker 4: of connection. Well, it's not so common that it's a
Speaker 4: big thing, a big event that causes the rupture in
Speaker 4: a relationship. What's much more common is these little things
Speaker 4: that get stacked up over time. It's the little micro
Speaker 4: rejections that happen in a given day or over weeks, months,
Speaker 4: and years. It's the consistently always looking down at your
Speaker 4: phone when your partner is trying to tell you a
Speaker 4: story or vice versa. It's the not the one time
Speaker 4: you didn't care about their feelings, it's the several times
Speaker 4: you didn't care about their feelings. It's not the one
Speaker 4: time that they didn't listen to us. It's the consistent
Speaker 4: times that we've tried to share something with them and
Speaker 4: they didn't listen. It's these little micro rejections that stacked
Speaker 4: over time that really hurts the most and causes the
Speaker 4: most disconnection.
Speaker 2: I thought that was great, it's true, So tell us
Speaker 2: about that. It's so darn hard out there. Let's just
Speaker 2: use that as a jumping off point.
Speaker 1: It's darn hard in here too, man, it's right there.
Speaker 2: Of course, love is so vulnerable, whether you're in a
Speaker 2: relationship or you're not. But I just want to use
Speaker 2: that that that video quote of you as a jumping
Speaker 2: off point. Tell us about that. So it's what you're
Speaker 2: kind of saying there to me, is that relationships and
Speaker 2: or fall apart, not because necessarily some major thing happened,
Speaker 2: although of course that does, but a sort of micro
Speaker 2: erosions of the relationship.
Speaker 4: Can you speak exactly. Yeah, that's a good way to
Speaker 4: put it.
Speaker 1: What were you saying before we before we go forward?
Speaker 1: But then, aren't all relationships doomed to fail? Because don't
Speaker 1: we in some ways settle for certain things in people
Speaker 1: that were like that that I can live with that,
Speaker 1: But then over as time, as time goes on, doesn't that.
Speaker 2: But Jillian's going to tell us that we have to
Speaker 2: do we have to communicate and do repairs in our
Speaker 2: relations I don't.
Speaker 4: Think really all relationships are doomed to fail. I mean,
Speaker 4: if you go into a relationship with that belief, yes,
Speaker 4: your relationship is doomed to fail. But the truth is,
Speaker 4: I mean think about your own lives and you know,
Speaker 4: I'm sure that you all you both have been in
Speaker 4: many relationships. I'm assuming maybe not but a few.
Speaker 2: Yeah, one, no, many, many, many, both of us have
Speaker 2: been many. But just for context, Donald is very happily
Speaker 2: married and I'm single, So you have both you have
Speaker 2: both sides.
Speaker 4: Okay, great, So just look back at your past. Have
Speaker 4: you ever broken up with someone or a relationship ended
Speaker 4: regardless of who initiated it, and you still love the person?
Speaker 1: Yes, of course.
Speaker 4: So yeah, So it's really it's rarely like people rare
Speaker 4: end their relationships because they don't love each other anymore.
Speaker 4: They really end it because they don't feel connected to
Speaker 4: each other. And it's the lack of connection that leads
Speaker 4: to also a lack of passion. So it's not just
Speaker 4: it's yes, so it's part of attraction, but it's it's
Speaker 4: like when we don't feel connected to each other, we
Speaker 4: don't feel as motivated to do the things that we
Speaker 4: did in the beginning of the relationship. We don't feel
Speaker 4: as motivated to show up, we don't feel as motivated
Speaker 4: to communicate, we don't even feel as motivated to have sex.
Speaker 4: I mean maybe, but not often. Like that goes downhill too,
Speaker 4: and that is just a symptom of the fact that
Speaker 4: there isn't a connection. And the thing is that everyone's
Speaker 4: primary aim in a relationship has to be how can
Speaker 4: we remain connected through all the vicissitudes of life and
Speaker 4: all the craziness and all the what and it could
Speaker 4: be ruptures that are in the actual relationship itself, or
Speaker 4: just the fact that life fucking happens. Sorry, I'm sorry, I.
Speaker 2: Have a putty curt like that curve.
Speaker 4: Like a truck driver. You know that life happens, right,
Speaker 4: And so how do we stay connected through that? And
Speaker 4: oftentimes we will feel disconnected from ourselves. We're going through
Speaker 4: our own shit when we're feeling disconnected from self, and
Speaker 4: we're bringing that to the relationship. So it really is
Speaker 4: it's not about a lack of love, it's how do
Speaker 4: we stay connected and being aware of the fact that, like,
Speaker 4: it is really easy to reject the person who you
Speaker 4: love unconsciously. So it's like every time you look at
Speaker 4: your phone when they're actually trying to connect with you,
Speaker 4: there's a rejection there. And look, sometimes we're going to
Speaker 4: do that. Our phones are very addictive, but we don't
Speaker 4: want to make a habit of it. Or it's just like,
Speaker 4: you know, a really common thing is we get stressed out.
Speaker 4: And when we get stressed out, we get in our heads.
Speaker 4: And the more we live in our heads, the more
Speaker 4: we are emotionally unavailable to our partner. And then a
Speaker 4: really common scenario is one person's in their head a lot,
Speaker 4: and the other person's like, what's wrong? And then the
Speaker 4: person who's in their head is like starting to get defensive,
Speaker 4: like why do you keep asking me what's wrong? Because
Speaker 4: we get protective of our own bullshit, We get protective
Speaker 4: of our own stress, we get protective of being in
Speaker 4: our heads all the time, when really, what this person
Speaker 4: is doing, what your partner's doing, what your lover is doing,
Speaker 4: is trying to connect with you. And so it does
Speaker 4: take a tremendous amount of self awareness to make a
Speaker 4: relationship thrive. And I think that it is incumbent upon
Speaker 4: all of us to rise to that challenge because that
Speaker 4: is what helps us grow.
Speaker 2: Is the secret sauce communication.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean that's a huge secret sauce is communication.
Speaker 4: But the other secret sauce, which is just as important
Speaker 4: as accountability, I would say.
Speaker 2: That that really is Wait, speak more to that, how
Speaker 2: do you how do you mean?
Speaker 4: Because we have to be responsible and accountable for the
Speaker 4: amount of dysfunction that we bring to our relationship. So
Speaker 4: people like to play the blame game, and if we're
Speaker 4: feeling disconnected, we like to create a story about how
Speaker 4: it's the other person's fault and how it's not our fault,
Speaker 4: and there is like there is a magic. It's like
Speaker 4: the person the people who are so free with their apology,
Speaker 4: not in a people pleasing way, but just really like,
Speaker 4: oh my god, I got to own the fact that
Speaker 4: I just hurt you. I got to own the fact
Speaker 4: that I've been in my head. I've got to the
Speaker 4: fact that, like, I haven't been as great of a
Speaker 4: partner to you as I really should be this week.
Speaker 4: Those are the people who do very well in relationships.
Speaker 1: Wow, I like that.
Speaker 2: Taking responsibility.
Speaker 4: It's very important. That is the secret sauce.
Speaker 1: It's hard for a lot of people to do that too.
Speaker 4: It's exactly, it's hard.
Speaker 1: It's usually a one way street when it comes to that. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's rare that that's a two way street. Someone has
Speaker 1: to be reminded or someone has to be told, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, it's kind of lopsided. From my personal point
Speaker 1: of view, it's kind of lopsided, and then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, somebody realizes, oh shit, maybe it was lopsided. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And also, what I've noticed is that sometimes it's you know,
Speaker 1: when it is lopsided, it's because someone else feels like
Speaker 1: the community. It feels the exact same way the other person,
Speaker 1: does you know what I mean?
Speaker 4: Yes, Yeah, they feel I don't know, betrayed or just
Speaker 4: unheard or unseen, all of those.
Speaker 1: Things, you know what I mean? And yes, it's two
Speaker 1: people with the same uh, with the same conversation, but
Speaker 1: for some reason there's a barrier in between and they
Speaker 1: can't get through it. It's the crazy.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that barrier is called the ego.
Speaker 1: There it is the right.
Speaker 2: But yeah, what happens if you're you feel like you're
Speaker 2: in the relationship, but you're the one who's always taking
Speaker 2: responsibility for everything.
Speaker 4: You know, that's a problem.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you would say when you're like, when you feel like,
Speaker 2: in order to end the argument, I'm I he or
Speaker 2: she is always the one who's like, Okay, I just
Speaker 2: want this argument you over. I'm sorry, I take responsibility
Speaker 2: and they feel like gosh, and the only way out
Speaker 2: of this is if I take responsibility.
Speaker 4: That's a problem. Then it then it warrants a conversation.
Speaker 4: It warrants a conversation. Look, the important conversations and the
Speaker 4: hard conversations that happen that have to happen between two
Speaker 4: people who are either in a relationship or plan to
Speaker 4: sleep with each other, or who are sleeping with each other, Like,
Speaker 4: you have to have these difficult convers I mean, most
Speaker 4: people who are just sleeping with each other don't have
Speaker 4: the hard conversations. Most people who are in full blown
Speaker 4: relationships and marriages don't have the important conversations. But you
Speaker 4: have to be willing to have these conversations. They're not easy,
Speaker 4: they're hard. I know I would rather not have them.
Speaker 4: But you have to just suck it up and put on,
Speaker 4: you know, your grown up pants whatever and show up
Speaker 4: and lead with love and vulnerability. And you would say
Speaker 4: something like, hey, I love you. Sometimes I feel like
Speaker 4: I'm the only one taking responsibility and it's starting to
Speaker 4: make me feel unloved, unseen, unheard, whatever. Get the vulnerability out.
Speaker 4: And if that person is just defensive, then you have
Speaker 4: what you would call a deeper problem in the relationship
Speaker 4: that would need to be addressed, maybe with the third party.
Speaker 4: I don't know, but these are the things.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 4: How a couple deals with conflict, yeah, really determines the
Speaker 4: quality of their relationship. Like that's it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know what you're so one would be
Speaker 2: so wise to figure that out early right, I tell people,
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I think a lot of people you know,
Speaker 2: get involved. You know, my friends that I see, and
Speaker 2: of course I'm sure myself and relationships is you get
Speaker 2: so you're so high on the newness of it and
Speaker 2: the excitement of it and the titillation of it and
Speaker 2: the lust of it that you just go, oh, the
Speaker 2: tough conversations, fuck it, fucking fucking I'll deal with that.
Speaker 2: And then all of a sudden you're in something and
Speaker 2: you're stucked, and you're fucked because you never you never
Speaker 2: said how are we going to communicate? How are we
Speaker 2: going to argue? How are we going to That's why.
Speaker 1: Those are the relationships that end very very quickly.
Speaker 2: Well they don't, but I disagree, Okay, oh yeah, no,
Speaker 2: I hear what you're saying about the one your marriage scenario.
Speaker 2: But I also think there's people who just get stuck
Speaker 2: in something and then they're just kind of buried and
Speaker 2: they don't know how to. They don't know how to, like,
Speaker 2: how do I have the conversation now? Like I guess
Speaker 2: we could try couples therapy if the person's open to it,
Speaker 2: but they they you know, it's almost like there should
Speaker 2: be and it's you know, it's funny. We had a
Speaker 2: sex therapist on and she was talking about these guides
Speaker 2: that people, you know, the stuff you never knew about
Speaker 2: sex and that you should know about you know, about
Speaker 2: men and women and other stuff, and it's and it's like,
Speaker 2: I didn't know there's there's there's books about it, but
Speaker 2: there should be a thing you go through, like, Okay,
Speaker 2: let's go through this checklist. This is how we're going
Speaker 2: to argue. This is how we're going to communicate. This
Speaker 2: is how we're going to bring up the cringiest thing
Speaker 2: that we don't want to talk about, because you don't.
Speaker 2: If you don't do that, then you're then you're you're
Speaker 2: you're in too deep and it's so much harder, right Yeah, I.
Speaker 4: Mean what you're describing as foundation, I've definitely been in
Speaker 4: situations before where you're in really deep and because of
Speaker 4: all that lust and you know that tittle is tittlization,
Speaker 4: what is it?
Speaker 2: Because it has titty in it?
Speaker 4: But exactly it's a good one. All the stuff, Like,
Speaker 4: so there's two things that lust and stuff in the
Speaker 4: beginning is I mean, we know why it's addictive. It's
Speaker 4: incredibly it's incredibly fun. It reminds us that we're alive.
Speaker 4: And then you throw in the fact that maybe you
Speaker 4: may feel a little bored or unfulfilled in life, or
Speaker 4: maybe a little bit lonely, and then someone comes into
Speaker 4: your life and then all of a sudden, you're reminded
Speaker 4: that you still have a beating pulse. You're reminded of
Speaker 4: something inside of you that reminds you of when you
Speaker 4: were fifteen years old, and that aliveness is what we
Speaker 4: are all seeking on a conscious and unconscious level, and
Speaker 4: this person brought it to you. But the truth remains
Speaker 4: that part of at least my message is that if
Speaker 4: you're dating, you have to really make sure that you're
Speaker 4: not a teenager dating. So when you are really enthusiastic
Speaker 4: about someone, you've got to process that enthusiasm and you
Speaker 4: have to go slow, don't play house with the stranger
Speaker 4: and start to like and you have to build a foundation.
Speaker 4: And that's the foundation. So yes to what to your point,
Speaker 4: a lot of people will go really quickly, and then
Speaker 4: they'll realize, oh my god, we have no foundation because
Speaker 4: we're fighting, and our fights like we have nothing to
Speaker 4: return to. There's no security, there's no safe haven. To
Speaker 4: return to. But we're so attached to each other and
Speaker 4: we don't know where to go from there, and it's
Speaker 4: very hard to move to to look back and and
Speaker 4: not and then have to build a foundation when you're
Speaker 4: already a year into the relationship. It's hard. Yeah, well
Speaker 4: a lot of those relationships fail.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree, man, I was just about to say that.
Speaker 1: I said, it sounds like I want to say it
Speaker 1: sounds like you're just describing a failed relationship. You know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Anytime you am.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's straight up, but maybe a really important lesson.
Speaker 4: So you know, it's however which way you look at it,
Speaker 4: So it's a relationship that's not gonna last, but it's
Speaker 4: is it a failure? Well one way it is. In
Speaker 4: another way, hopefully it's a really valuable lesson.
Speaker 2: Okay, We're gonna take a quick break and we come back.
Speaker 2: I want you to tell us because I'm sure lots
Speaker 2: of people are listening and they go, Okay, I I
Speaker 2: what do I do next time? How do I start
Speaker 2: the conversation? I like someone, I'm so turned on by them.
Speaker 2: It's fun, but I've fucked it up so many times.
Speaker 2: What do I do this time? All right, we'll be
Speaker 2: right back and we're back.
Speaker 1: We're all right.
Speaker 2: So for those who agree with everything you said and
Speaker 2: are sitting listening to this, going mm hmm, amen and preach,
Speaker 2: what do you say?
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 2: Someone listen. They're starting something new, they really like the person,
Speaker 2: the sex is great, like they want to continue, you know,
Speaker 2: progressing with it. What do they do to build that
Speaker 2: foundation or community?
Speaker 4: Municate? Communicate and go slow? So let me let me
Speaker 4: describe a little bit more what I mean by that.
Speaker 4: So too many people are willing to get naked with
Speaker 4: strangers but not have important conversations.
Speaker 2: I love that. That's so true.
Speaker 1: There's two things that she said that are so true.
Speaker 1: Playing house with the stranger, getting naked with the stranger. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: within within weeks, within days of days meeting ways, listen, listen,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. I met someone at a club
Speaker 1: and within that, within two days after that, it seemed
Speaker 1: like we were living together and we're having sex without condoms,
Speaker 1: like just doing crazy dumb ship like you must go.
Speaker 2: I know you said that. Really landing with me is
Speaker 2: that as humans were so more readily ready to be
Speaker 2: physically intimate than we are to be intimate with our hearts. Yes,
Speaker 2: And it's and our vulnerability.
Speaker 4: And our vulnerability which is interesting to me because look,
Speaker 4: obviously there are people who can more easily detached emotionally
Speaker 4: from intercourse than there are others. But the reality is,
Speaker 4: if you're a man, you're a woman, you get attached
Speaker 4: after sex. You don't get attached after sex. There is
Speaker 4: a reality that we cannot deny, which is that sex
Speaker 4: complicates feelings.
Speaker 1: It does.
Speaker 4: It adds a dimension that complicates things. And I think
Speaker 4: that people really get into trouble when they bring sex
Speaker 4: to the table and they haven't had the conversations about, hey,
Speaker 4: what are our expectations around this, because a lot of
Speaker 4: people will have sex and their expectation is now we're
Speaker 4: in a relationship where someone else is like, no, you know.
Speaker 4: And I think that that's really, really incredibly important. So
Speaker 4: to answer your question, is like someone who just moved
Speaker 4: quickly all the time in the past and they want
Speaker 4: to do things differently, go slow. Wait, I really believe
Speaker 4: and this is this is has zero to do with morality.
Speaker 4: Everyone can do with their bodies what they want to.
Speaker 4: But for the people who have had the kind of
Speaker 4: crash and burned relationship before, and they've gotten hurt before,
Speaker 4: and they want to do things differently, like they really
Speaker 4: do wait to have sex and have the important conversations
Speaker 4: about expectations, about boundaries, about about feelings and about you know,
Speaker 4: where you want things to go. I think this is
Speaker 4: what I want to impart so badly on people. It's
Speaker 4: so incredibly important. You can only good things can come
Speaker 4: out of that, and a lot of bad things can
Speaker 4: come out of doing the alternative.
Speaker 2: You also have the person's attention, because the other person
Speaker 2: in the who might not be initiating this, wants probably
Speaker 2: to have sex with you, and and so you've got
Speaker 2: their ears, you know what I mean. I can be like, hey,
Speaker 2: I'm attracted you to you know, blah blah blah, but
Speaker 2: I'm not doing that anymore without without getting to know someone.
Speaker 2: So what let's let's have just let's have a little
Speaker 2: bit of a chat about what you expect from this
Speaker 2: and and what.
Speaker 1: All this stuff would have been helpful as a youth,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, this conversation, all of these
Speaker 1: conversations when I first moved to Hollywood, when I first
Speaker 1: was starting to have sex, all of these things would
Speaker 1: have been you know, what I mean, hindsight is definitely
Speaker 1: twenty twenty when it comes to how you take care
Speaker 1: of yourself and other people's feelings and emotions, and you.
Speaker 2: Know, and that's not to say that you that there's
Speaker 2: anything wrong with having casual sex if that's what's on
Speaker 2: the what's on the program, but but what sounds like
Speaker 2: what you're saying is at least acknowledged that, right.
Speaker 4: I think there has to be acknowledge. I think there
Speaker 4: has to be a discussion about expectations and look, you know,
Speaker 4: I'm all for we're responsible for ourselves. But you know,
Speaker 4: I have just worked with so many people, and there
Speaker 4: are so many people out there who are in these
Speaker 4: I remember I was like, I was interviewed for a
Speaker 4: podcast and the first question was, like they asked me,
Speaker 4: is are you in a relationship? Are you single? Or
Speaker 4: is it complicated? And my answer was I would never
Speaker 4: be in something complicated in the past when I was younger,
Speaker 4: but in today the last several years of my life,
Speaker 4: like I would not, And I want to help people
Speaker 4: not be in something complicated because it takes I've seen
Speaker 4: people completely fuck up their lives being with the wrong person,
Speaker 4: being with someone who who doesn't treat them well being
Speaker 4: in the it's complicated scenario.
Speaker 2: And so.
Speaker 4: I think that if you are someone who wants just
Speaker 4: casual sex, that's fine, but you have to be really
Speaker 4: honest about it. And I do think and this is
Speaker 4: this would be an interesting thing. I'd love to know
Speaker 4: both of your opinions on this. Is if you know
Speaker 4: that you want casual sex and then you meet someone
Speaker 4: who you know they want more, but they're telling you no, no,
Speaker 4: it's okay because they don't want to lose you. You
Speaker 4: can tell you could so easily tell yourself the story
Speaker 4: while they're responsible for them and they've told me that
Speaker 4: they're okay with it, but deep down you know that
Speaker 4: they are compromising themselves in some way emotionally by staying
Speaker 4: in a physical relationship with you. At what point does
Speaker 4: it become your responsibility to be like, you know what,
Speaker 4: I really like you, but we can't see each other anymore.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true, Okay, I think right away. I think
Speaker 1: the moment that as.
Speaker 2: A girl can't be no no no, no no no,
Speaker 2: you can't be answering as a married guy with you
Speaker 2: got to answer as when you were single.
Speaker 1: And no, that's impossible man, Come on, man, I was
Speaker 1: led by my penis.
Speaker 4: I wasn't led by my right I know exactly exactly.
Speaker 2: But I'm saying you got to give you as a
Speaker 2: married man of all these years.
Speaker 1: Now is going to be like, why do you give
Speaker 1: both perspectives as a married man as someone If if
Speaker 1: my wife came to me and said, I want to
Speaker 1: see other people in but it does. I don't want
Speaker 1: it to be public, but I want to have an
Speaker 1: open relationship. But I still love what we have going on,
Speaker 1: but physically I'm not getting what I need or you know,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, and she would see in my face,
Speaker 1: I'd be like, fuck that hurts. Uh, this is what
Speaker 1: you want for real?
Speaker 5: Uh?
Speaker 1: Yeah? You know I love you too, obviously, and you
Speaker 1: know yeah shit fuck yeah, you know what because of
Speaker 1: our love, go for it. You know. Wow, it's a lot.
Speaker 1: That's heavy, but you know what, I love you. And
Speaker 1: she couldn't tell that I'm fucked up right there, and
Speaker 1: she just lets it go at that moment in time.
Speaker 1: She doesn't love me, and she was bullshitting and she
Speaker 1: just wants to go out and have casual sex with someone,
Speaker 1: and I need to ask.
Speaker 4: She definitely didn't love you. If she just wanted to
Speaker 4: have casual sex with you anyway.
Speaker 1: Well, no, what someone else I'm talking about?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? She wants to go and
Speaker 1: have casual sex with someone else, she's already she's probably
Speaker 1: already done it already. Yeah yeah, felt guilty and now
Speaker 1: it's like, oh shit, yeah right, she's been out of
Speaker 1: the relationship for a while, and I've been oblivious to
Speaker 1: it right now. In my single days, if I went
Speaker 1: to a young lady and was like, listen, we've been
Speaker 1: dating for a few months. I go to the club
Speaker 1: with you every night, so you see what's out there too.
Speaker 1: I really do enjoy I really do enjoy our relationship.
Speaker 1: I enjoy the conversations we have. I am being led
Speaker 1: by my penis right now, though, and I need to
Speaker 1: have so much sex it's impossible for me to just
Speaker 1: I don't think you can handle where I'm at right now.
Speaker 1: And she was like, yes, I can. I can. I
Speaker 1: swear I can. Just don't leave me, just stay. We
Speaker 1: can do this. I can. I can. I promise you
Speaker 1: I can. I probably be like, okay, right right.
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people those are funny extreme
Speaker 2: Donald examples, but on a more day to day thing.
Speaker 2: What you're saying is, if you're having casual sex with someone,
Speaker 2: the odds are that one person in that relationship wants
Speaker 2: something more and at a certain point you're you're not
Speaker 2: being a good person by allowing it to continue, Right, I.
Speaker 4: Think it's about defining what integrity means for you and
Speaker 4: really defining the kind of person that you want to
Speaker 4: be and having your values and your principles. Uh, penetrate
Speaker 4: I use that word deliberately based on our conversation, but
Speaker 4: penetrate every every aspect of your life. So you I
Speaker 4: think you just have to ask yourself, like, am I
Speaker 4: into in? Am I behaving and acting out in integrity?
Speaker 4: By staying in this relationship that is that is clearly
Speaker 4: not balanced Like I'm running, I'm running the show. They
Speaker 4: clearly want more and it's it's imbalanced. And yes, it's
Speaker 4: the balance. The scale is tipping towards my favor. But
Speaker 4: am I is this who I I want to be
Speaker 4: is a kind?
Speaker 2: It's not kind.
Speaker 4: I don't believe it is or mature. I think it's
Speaker 4: just a maturity, that's what it is. Yeah, it's a
Speaker 4: maturity thing.
Speaker 1: That's why it's the answer is, if you're young, you're
Speaker 1: not living off of your mind, going off your hormones
Speaker 1: and the dope through your body and stuff like that.
Speaker 4: It's hard, but there are a lot of middle aged people,
Speaker 4: you know, people over the age of thirty five who
Speaker 4: really should know better, who are still doing that. And
Speaker 4: I think that at least part of the work that
Speaker 4: I do is just trying to wake people up to
Speaker 4: ask themselves questions so that they can show up as
Speaker 4: just people who they can be proud of.
Speaker 2: I know, listen, I want to just you just led
Speaker 2: me to one of your banger quotes that I love
Speaker 2: because you guys need to follow follow Jillian Tareki t
Speaker 2: U r e c k I on Instagram because you
Speaker 2: have so many amazing quotes. And not to diss you,
Speaker 2: but sometimes I'm like, oh, who said that? Where did
Speaker 2: she get that from? And it's her?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's all original content.
Speaker 2: No, you're great. You see really say things. I've sent
Speaker 2: so many of your things to people that need to
Speaker 2: hear it. Here's what I liked, and it was once
Speaker 2: you decide that you're available, ready to let love in
Speaker 2: and committed to building a meaningful relationship with someone, you
Speaker 2: will no longer pursue the attention of someone who isn't
Speaker 2: available to you.
Speaker 4: That is true, That is very true.
Speaker 2: How do we get out of that cycle of pursuing people?
Speaker 2: You know, there's a classic line in any Hall where
Speaker 2: he's scandal noted, but he's quoting we stole that from
Speaker 2: p Holmes.
Speaker 4: It's funny.
Speaker 2: He's quoting Groucho Marks, I believe. But the line in
Speaker 2: any Hall scandal noted is I would never want to
Speaker 2: be a part of any club that would have someone
Speaker 2: like me as a member.
Speaker 4: Yes, I know that quote.
Speaker 2: Well, so how do we get out of that trap
Speaker 2: of of It's like, it's like when someone likes us
Speaker 2: for like, oh, what's wrong with them? I have to
Speaker 2: go after the person that doesn't want me. That's so unhealthy,
Speaker 2: But it also feels such a part of the human condition.
Speaker 4: So there's a couple of things here. One is there's
Speaker 4: a self esteem issue if you are if one is
Speaker 4: constantly pursuing people who they have to chase, yeah, because
Speaker 4: it's very different than And then there's also an ego thing,
Speaker 4: which I think is something that men feel more, which is,
Speaker 4: you know, I'm going to chase this woman and I'm
Speaker 4: going to get her, you know, I'm going to woo her,
Speaker 4: and I'm going to be the hero, and so I
Speaker 4: think that's that's different. I think pursuing someone is different
Speaker 4: than chasing someone. When you're chasing someone, they're running away
Speaker 4: from you, and you're not reading the room and chasing,
Speaker 4: you know, like pursuing something like there's it's really an attractive,
Speaker 4: sexy thing when you're pursuing someone and they're open to
Speaker 4: you pursuing right, They're receptive, and that's the dance. That's
Speaker 4: the courtship.
Speaker 1: I know that courtship very well. That's how my wife
Speaker 1: got me. She did the push you away, but come here.
Speaker 1: It's a very confusing thing. But if you're open to
Speaker 1: playing that dance, it's like a tango. If you're open
Speaker 1: to the pool yes, and the pushing, the pull. If
Speaker 1: you're open to it, it's less fine.
Speaker 4: It's very fun, but it's a fine line between it
Speaker 4: being fun and being just like hell right and not
Speaker 4: really going run anywhere and then starting to feel like,
Speaker 4: I mean, at some point you just have to like
Speaker 4: grow up and be like, this person is playing games,
Speaker 4: they're playing hard to get and I think, you know,
Speaker 4: I tell because women have this this conditioned belief if
Speaker 4: I play hard to get, then my value goes up.
Speaker 4: It's like, no, you just have to be harder to get.
Speaker 4: Meaning if you know your value and you're then you're
Speaker 4: just not giving your heart. And this goes This is
Speaker 4: not just women, but women have been conditioned to believe
Speaker 4: that you have to play hard to get. But everyone
Speaker 4: has to know their value enough that they're not just
Speaker 4: going to give their heart to anyone who's available to them.
Speaker 4: So the distinction between chasing chasing is the person is
Speaker 4: really not giving you anything. Maybe they're giving you a
Speaker 4: little bit of crumbs, but they are not receptive to
Speaker 4: you and they're just you know, like the movie said,
Speaker 4: like they're just not that into you, and you keep
Speaker 4: chasing them. So why do we do that? So that
Speaker 4: definitely comes from low self esteem. It definitely comes from
Speaker 4: the ego trying to you know, we play this game
Speaker 4: with ourselves. If I just got this person to love me,
Speaker 4: then I'm validated, then I'm significant, or if I could
Speaker 4: be you know, a lot of people will go for
Speaker 4: the very troubled person. They'll go for the person with
Speaker 4: a really big problem, like a drug problem, for example,
Speaker 4: and they think and their pattern is and this is unconscious.
Speaker 4: If I can be the reason for this person's change,
Speaker 4: then I am worthy. And a lot of people think,
Speaker 4: you know, and this is deeper stuff. They believe unconsciously
Speaker 4: that they don't really even deserve the love that they
Speaker 4: really want or it wasn't modeled for them, Like they
Speaker 4: don't even in their belief system. Nowhere is there? Yeah,
Speaker 4: Like it doesn't actually have to be so hard. When
Speaker 4: you like someone and you choose someone, they should be
Speaker 4: choosing you back. And that's how it goes. But for
Speaker 4: the person who's not attracted to someone who's emotionally unavailable,
Speaker 4: they got a little work to do on themselves. They
Speaker 4: have to ask themselves. They're really hard questions, like why
Speaker 4: am I? Why is this amazing creature before me? Who
Speaker 4: wants me? I don't want them. I want the person
Speaker 4: who's like, not actually that amazing, but I've projected this
Speaker 4: whole idea onto them, and I want them. You got
Speaker 4: a little work to do, Yeah, what is that?
Speaker 2: So you're saying, just just just extrapolate on that a
Speaker 2: little bit more, because you're saying that's a self esteem issue.
Speaker 2: So are you implying that the person is lusting or
Speaker 2: wanting for someone who doesn't want them and has made
Speaker 2: up a story in their head that they're that person.
Speaker 2: When they get them will make them a better person
Speaker 2: and they don't feel whole without them.
Speaker 4: Well, there's a few things. So there's one thing, which
Speaker 4: is what you're saying, is that you know a lot
Speaker 4: of people we fall in love with our unconscious projections,
Speaker 4: you know, like a really immature which you know, I've
Speaker 4: been this, so it's not it's not to miss anyone.
Speaker 4: But an immature approach to love is you meet someone
Speaker 4: and you project an entire ideal onto them. You're like,
Speaker 4: this is the one. She's great, he's great, you know,
Speaker 4: my life is going to be so amazing, and still
Speaker 4: instead of actually seeing the actual person who's in front
Speaker 4: of you. And that's really immature, and that's what a
Speaker 4: lot of people do. And then there's the a lot
Speaker 4: of people who will chase the unavailable. There is this
Speaker 4: sort of and and even be repelled by like the
Speaker 4: amazing person who is available. There's an unconscious narrative that
Speaker 4: says what's wrong with them that they would be into me.
Speaker 4: They literally think there's something wrong with the person who's
Speaker 4: actually into them, and they will be repelled by that person.
Speaker 1: Got a little work to do, That's that's Yeah, it's deep,
Speaker 1: it is deep.
Speaker 4: But it's over You can overcome it with work, you
Speaker 4: really can.
Speaker 1: But that's the thing, it's work. And a lot of
Speaker 1: people don't necessarily want to work on relationships, not at
Speaker 1: a young age at least. It's way easier to be like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm good.
Speaker 4: But people want to be out of pain.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're talking to people. We're talking to lots of people.
Speaker 2: But I think we want to address the person who
Speaker 2: is over that and does want to overcome that. And
Speaker 2: Jillian is going to solve all of their problems the
Speaker 2: second they get back from this commercial break right back.
Speaker 2: And so what kind of work does that person do Jillian?
Speaker 2: They want to find love, they don't they You keep
Speaker 2: saying it's a self esteem issue. Obviously, I imagine this
Speaker 2: would help with a therapist, but maybe some people can't
Speaker 2: afford therapy. They can afford self help books maybe, but
Speaker 2: we also have better help. As a sponsor, you can consider,
Speaker 2: But what work do they need to do? If you're
Speaker 2: if you're having that self esteem issue?
Speaker 4: Well, so if you're someone who consistently goes for the
Speaker 4: people who reject you and you're not open to the
Speaker 4: people who actually want to love you. Then it starts
Speaker 4: with asking yourself, It starts with curiosity. I think that
Speaker 4: people need to just, first and foremost become self aware.
Speaker 4: And so the first step, really honestly is just being
Speaker 4: aware of your pattern. Oh that's my pattern, Like what
Speaker 4: is that all about? And then getting really curious about
Speaker 4: it about what you know. One thing that you could
Speaker 4: do is think about all your past excees that may
Speaker 4: or the people even if they weren't even totally your exes,
Speaker 4: but all the people you've chased in the past, whether
Speaker 4: they turned out to be relationships or not. What do
Speaker 4: they all have in common? What do they all have
Speaker 4: in common? What is is there a certain quality in
Speaker 4: them that you are really attracted to? Because and I'm
Speaker 4: sure that the two of you can attest to this,
Speaker 4: we cannot deny the influence that Hollywood has had on
Speaker 4: our conditioning when it comes to dating and relationships. It's
Speaker 4: like Hollywood tells us how love is supposed to be,
Speaker 4: or we'll have you know, will have a crush on
Speaker 4: an actor or an actress and We'll think that's the
Speaker 4: person that I want, you know, and then and then
Speaker 4: we get we get very stubborn about it. We have
Speaker 4: our blinders on and we think I want this person.
Speaker 4: I got to get this person again, the projection of
Speaker 4: the ideal. So there's a conglomerate influence. As it could
Speaker 4: be that you didn't get the love and the attention
Speaker 4: that you deserved when you were a child, But it
Speaker 4: starts with asking yourself these questions.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's another version of that. I am well aware
Speaker 1: that Hollywood has made me very, very attractive to women,
Speaker 1: and that the level of because before I became famous,
Speaker 1: the people that were attracted to me were not necessarily
Speaker 1: the people that are attracted to me now. Like my
Speaker 1: I did move it, Like I remember going to clubs
Speaker 1: and wanting to dance with young women and those young
Speaker 1: women would be like, now I get the fuck out
Speaker 1: of here. Clueless came out, and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: those women wanted to dance with me and wanted to
Speaker 1: do more things with me. So I'm well aware of
Speaker 1: the glow up that Hollywood gives you when you know
Speaker 1: it wasn't the ugly duckling thing. I'm well aware of
Speaker 1: how how you know when you're perceived to have a
Speaker 1: little bit of money, or you're perceived to be a
Speaker 1: little bit cooler, or if Stacy Dash played your TV
Speaker 1: or your your your movie girlfriend. I get how that
Speaker 1: can freaking make a bunch of people be like, Oh,
Speaker 1: he's kind of cute. Yeah, that shit is That shit
Speaker 1: is real. That's the other version of it though, too,
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. It's like, all right, what
Speaker 1: if you're out there and you're successful, you have a
Speaker 1: lot of things going for you, and you run into
Speaker 1: there's games in Hollywood, there's you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: This is.
Speaker 4: The time I'm gonna tell you exactly what I'm gonna
Speaker 4: tell to this. So to the celebrity or the rising
Speaker 4: celebrity who's single and is looking for someone, go for
Speaker 4: the person who actually would does not want to date
Speaker 4: an actor celebrity, and go for that person who's extremely
Speaker 4: skeptical about dating you because of your celebrity.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Donald, for when you're back out there on the market.
Speaker 1: I'll never be back there on the market, I hope.
Speaker 2: Listen, you just said the case he's shopping around for
Speaker 2: booty calls.
Speaker 4: So is your wife a celebrity?
Speaker 1: My wife was a celebrity at once.
Speaker 2: Well, she's kind of a celebrity.
Speaker 1: Okay, my wife was a celebrity at one point, and
Speaker 1: she claims that she's not anymore. I still think she is.
Speaker 4: Oh, well, of course she'll always be a celebrity in
Speaker 4: your eyes, but so or you can go for another celebrity.
Speaker 4: But if you're going to go for a non celebrity,
Speaker 4: go for the one who's just like, yeah, I don't know,
Speaker 4: like the fact that you are famous might be a
Speaker 4: problem for me.
Speaker 2: All right, let's get off fame because most of our
Speaker 2: listeners are not famous.
Speaker 1: Are not famous, I'm going to let's just talk about
Speaker 1: Brad Pitt listens to our fucking other than Brad Pitt
Speaker 1: and David Fincher. Who Okay, let's let's not let's not Harry.
Speaker 2: Can I drop another Jillian Tureki quote that I like, Sure, Okay,
Speaker 2: you want a relationship. You meet someone you feel connected
Speaker 2: to and compatible with. They tell you they think you're great,
Speaker 2: but they can't be in a relationship. Right now, you say, okay,
Speaker 2: I understand, you still continue to date them. This is
Speaker 2: what self abandonment looks like.
Speaker 1: How are you in a relationship with someone who says
Speaker 1: they don't want to relate, I don't understand how that works.
Speaker 4: So there's this term that is frequently used in the
Speaker 4: zeitgeist right now, and I kind of love it because
Speaker 4: I think that it describes things pretty well. It's called
Speaker 4: a situationship. And remember earlier I said about being in
Speaker 4: something complicated, and these are This is usually a relation relationship.
Speaker 4: I put this in quotes between two people where it's
Speaker 4: very imbalanced. Basically, one person wants more and the other
Speaker 4: person wants less. But because they're not communicating, and because
Speaker 4: you know, they're not able to let go of whatever
Speaker 4: attachment they have to each other, they continue on.
Speaker 2: They're in a situationship.
Speaker 4: And that really is to recover from that is pretty hardcore,
Speaker 4: because then you really are a compromised. Look, here's the thing.
Speaker 4: The fear of rejection, the fear of abandonment, the fear
Speaker 4: of not being enough, the low self esteem stuff. These
Speaker 4: are all things that we all grapple with. That's all
Speaker 4: part of the human condition. But when it really takes over,
Speaker 4: when it becomes part of our narrative, maybe that is
Speaker 4: something from childhood. Maybe that's something that happened because of
Speaker 4: something that happened later in life, what you start to
Speaker 4: and if you can be tricky, because you can have
Speaker 4: a lot of you can have a lot of confidence
Speaker 4: in certain areas of your life, but when it comes
Speaker 4: to love, you see it go down. But the reality
Speaker 4: is is that this is when people are gambling away
Speaker 4: their principles, their boundaries, values, just so that they can
Speaker 4: either be in a relationship because they feel really lonely,
Speaker 4: coupled with the belief system that there's no one else
Speaker 4: better out there, and then they stay in something because well,
Speaker 4: it's better than being alone, or you know, it's better
Speaker 4: than nothing.
Speaker 2: Or they're eventually going to change their minds, or they're.
Speaker 4: Exactly or they're eventually going to change their mind And
Speaker 4: that is the biggest lie ever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're not going to change their relationship for a
Speaker 2: decade over yeah, or I can change them. Yeah, they're
Speaker 2: not going to change.
Speaker 4: No, they're not. And you shouldn't be with someone with
Speaker 4: whom you think that, with whom you believe they should change.
Speaker 4: You have to love people for who they are. I
Speaker 4: think that the I think it's a fair expectation if
Speaker 4: you are someone who values growth, that you be in
Speaker 4: a relationship with someone who values growth as well, who's
Speaker 4: going to take a look at their own stuff, who's
Speaker 4: going to get help, who's going to want to be
Speaker 4: a better person. And and you can't shame. You can't
Speaker 4: get into a relationship with someone and fundamentally want to
Speaker 4: change who they are. You either love them all or
Speaker 4: you shouldn't be with them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, by the way, I think that that's a crucial thing,
Speaker 2: right there is is not projecting onto someone who you
Speaker 2: think they're going to be. That's your meeting and talking
Speaker 2: with who they are and that and and and you
Speaker 2: choose that or don't choose that, But don't get into
Speaker 2: something where wow, they're great. Here, I'm gonna it's gonna
Speaker 2: lead me to another Jillian quote. Uh, it dovetails perfectly
Speaker 2: with this one, which I love. When you fall in
Speaker 2: love with someone's potential instead of where they legitimately are.
Speaker 2: Now you'll become their coach, their therapist, their healer, and
Speaker 2: ultimately their parent. You don't want this, and they don't
Speaker 2: want it either. Yeah, don't preach.
Speaker 1: Hm.
Speaker 4: It's a really common pattern.
Speaker 2: That's fucking really a good one because I think so
Speaker 2: many people listening are going right now, whether.
Speaker 1: They're checking themselves, or they're or they're the or they're
Speaker 1: the person that dad. They're just checking yourself right now.
Speaker 1: That's what when you go, you're checking yourself right then
Speaker 1: and there.
Speaker 2: Right. So, if you're starting something new, if you're if
Speaker 2: you're let's say you're listening and you're in something new,
Speaker 2: or or thinking about getting out of something, I think
Speaker 2: that's really important to look at, like, assume this person's
Speaker 2: not going to change.
Speaker 1: Do you want this?
Speaker 2: You're not signing up to be someone's coach therapist. They
Speaker 2: don't want that. You don't want that exactly.
Speaker 4: It's a really common pattern where people will date projects
Speaker 4: instead of people, and there's a lot that goes into that.
Speaker 4: One is if someone if you can change them. Okay,
Speaker 4: so let's say, like I said earlier, if you have
Speaker 4: a habit of dating someone who dating people who always
Speaker 4: have like a really big problem, you get a lot
Speaker 4: of significance being the sane one in the relationship, and
Speaker 4: so you can be like the healer or the coach,
Speaker 4: and then that boosts your ego because you're like, well,
Speaker 4: I'm the person who knows what's up they're not. And
Speaker 4: not only that, if you don't feel enough as you are.
Speaker 4: You will get into relationships where you fulfill a role
Speaker 4: that might be very similar from childhood, like being the fixer, pleaser, helper, healer, coach,
Speaker 4: and you think this is how I'm needed. Because if
Speaker 4: you don't believe that you could really be loved for
Speaker 4: who you are, you will figure out a way to
Speaker 4: be needed in a relationship and it becomes a thing
Speaker 4: where two people sort of find each other, the broken
Speaker 4: bird and the healer whatever, the fixer, and they sort
Speaker 4: of build a relationship based on this dynamic, but neither
Speaker 4: one really ends up feeling very fulfilled.
Speaker 1: Yeah, those relationships into yes, or they last forever. No,
Speaker 1: they last in a really really long time. And then
Speaker 1: when they break up and everything like that, everybody everybody's like,
Speaker 1: you two were miserable for so long.
Speaker 4: So miserable yea, yeah, And you know, look, I mean, hm,
Speaker 4: I don't know. Some relationships. It's like, here's the reality.
Speaker 4: The truth is there is some relationship that we could
Speaker 4: look at from the outside looking in and say, oh
Speaker 4: my god, I wouldn't I don't want that relationship, But
Speaker 4: for some reason it works for them. It works for them.
Speaker 4: It's not something that you would ever choose. So it's
Speaker 4: kind of mysterious. But you know, I think at the
Speaker 4: end of the day and all roads of our conversation
Speaker 4: lead to this, who you choose matters. Yes, Like, there's
Speaker 4: two things. It's who we are in a relationship, how
Speaker 4: we show up, and who we choose. Those are the
Speaker 4: two things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Because let's be honest. I'm sorry this is going
Speaker 2: to be generic, but do people really change that much?
Speaker 4: Well? This is a pretty deep This is a deeper
Speaker 4: philosophical conversation than you might think. On the one hand,
Speaker 4: we're always changing, we're always evolving, and on the other hand,
Speaker 4: there's a lot of people who don't change much at all.
Speaker 2: I don't mean to say that people can evolve and
Speaker 2: work on themselves and get better, of course I believe
Speaker 2: in that, But I'm saying you really need to choose
Speaker 2: the person for who they are when you meet them.
Speaker 2: Because in the macro that's here's another quote. It's not yours,
Speaker 2: but it's one I like to The same red flags
Speaker 2: you ignore in the beginning will be the same reason
Speaker 2: that's you. Yes, God, you're fucking amazing. This one didn't
Speaker 2: even have your name on it, and I loved it
Speaker 2: all right, I take it back. Here's another one from
Speaker 2: Jillian the same by the way, people are fucking stealing
Speaker 2: your quotes, the same red flags you ignore in the
Speaker 2: beginning will be the same reason it all ends.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't. I think my words were a little
Speaker 4: bit different. But the reason, the same red flags that
Speaker 4: you ignore in the beginning will be the reason why
Speaker 4: the relationship ends.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I mean that says it all kind of like
Speaker 2: it does. You have to choose. You have to choose
Speaker 2: what you want, not a project, not someone you're going
Speaker 2: to change it at all, and assume they're not going
Speaker 2: to change.
Speaker 4: Yes, And and because I think that we can hold
Speaker 4: two truths at the same time. If you're going to
Speaker 4: be in a marriage or a relationship that's going to
Speaker 4: span many, many years and decades, you also have to
Speaker 4: get comfortable with the different versions of who that person
Speaker 4: will become. There is a beautiful quote, this is not mine,
Speaker 4: and I'm the author of the quote, is escaping me,
Speaker 4: which is tragic, but it's not mine, but it's But
Speaker 4: it says to love someone long term is to attend
Speaker 4: one thousand funerals of the person they used to be.
Speaker 4: And so I think that it's it's both. Yes, you
Speaker 4: have to when you're dating if you can't say this
Speaker 4: person could never change, and that is okay with me,
Speaker 4: Heidi preed. Yeah, so thank you.
Speaker 1: So I know that quote.
Speaker 2: Well, actually it's a beautiful life them in the chat
Speaker 2: Donald and try to act like you know it's true.
Speaker 4: Yeah. So I think that on the one hand, we're
Speaker 4: going to go through, you know, many different variations of
Speaker 4: who we are. But yeah, I think that for those
Speaker 4: who are dating and are think are considering taking their
Speaker 4: relationship to a more committed stage, you have to ask yourself,
Speaker 4: if this person were never to change, do I accept them?
Speaker 2: Holy yes, And don't take on don't and and don't
Speaker 2: take on a project that's going to involve trying to
Speaker 2: turn them into something that they're not.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's it's a lot of people do that. A
Speaker 4: lot of people do that. Yeah, And a lot of
Speaker 4: people try to change each other all the.
Speaker 2: Time, and that ends in tears always. Jillian, this has.
Speaker 1: Been very important. Let's talk about it. We can. How
Speaker 1: important is sex and relationships and what is sex in
Speaker 1: a relationship after a relationship has been when sex is
Speaker 1: when sex is still fun and you still enjoyed and
Speaker 1: everything like that. But at some point sex becomes an
Speaker 1: appointment depending on what your relationship is, and that's not
Speaker 1: always fun at some point. In some points, it's not
Speaker 1: as spontaneous, it's not as exciting to me, Yes, that's
Speaker 1: the word I'm looking for. It's not as exciting as
Speaker 1: it used to be, and stuff like that. But you
Speaker 1: still want to do it, and you still want to fulfill,
Speaker 1: and you still want to give, and you still want
Speaker 1: to you know what I mean? In relationships how important?
Speaker 1: Like I feel it's very important. That's me personally. Well,
Speaker 1: my wife feels it's very important as well, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean.
Speaker 4: That's good that you're on the same page.
Speaker 1: But you know that, but that's but there's that also,
Speaker 1: what is the same page? How do you get on this?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Like when I want it necessarily,
Speaker 1: when I want it isn't necessarily when she wants it,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like, I just heard this
Speaker 1: for the first time, sex and tell me if this
Speaker 1: is you. Also, when you get in a relationship from
Speaker 1: your spouse, it's not that they're saying no to you.
Speaker 1: They're saying no, I don't want it necessarily at this
Speaker 1: time or that type of sex right now.
Speaker 2: Okay, so you just ask her like forty questions.
Speaker 1: But listen, listen, I had I've been holding it in.
Speaker 1: I've been trying. I've been waiting to ask this question.
Speaker 2: You've been waiting to ask a sex question. All right,
Speaker 2: go ahead, Jillian.
Speaker 4: So it depends on the couple, right, Like three times
Speaker 4: a week for one couple could be a lot, and
Speaker 4: for another couple it's not enough. So it really depends
Speaker 4: on the couple, not everyone. Sex doesn't carry the same
Speaker 4: meaning for everyone. Again, it depends on the couple. I
Speaker 4: think that though overall sex is a very important part
Speaker 4: of a relationship, I think it needs to be discussed.
Speaker 4: I think it needs to be given freely. And I
Speaker 4: think that look, the sex in the first six months
Speaker 4: of a relationship is obviously not the same sex six
Speaker 4: years in, but in some ways it could be better.
Speaker 4: Like you could do workshops together about like really connecting
Speaker 4: emotionally and eye gazing and do There's so many like
Speaker 4: fun erotic things that you can do. I think that
Speaker 4: people get bogged down with stress and they stop doing
Speaker 4: the things that they did in the beginning of the relationship,
Speaker 4: and a really important part of relationship that I think
Speaker 4: goes hand in hand with sex is playfulness and like
Speaker 4: continuing to be playful. And what gets in the way
Speaker 4: of playfulness our stress.
Speaker 1: It's giving playfulness.
Speaker 4: Yeah, or you can learn from your kids about what
Speaker 4: play really is and adopt that into your lives. Sure,
Speaker 4: I understand that it gets difficult with kids, but you
Speaker 4: just have to make it a priority. You have to
Speaker 4: make connecting a priority, and and you have and like, honestly,
Speaker 4: there's so many women who have affairs. There's more women
Speaker 4: who have affairs who cheat on their husbands.
Speaker 1: In the other I was going to say this too.
Speaker 2: Really I didn't know that.
Speaker 4: But this is important. What is the woman missing She's
Speaker 4: missing the romance.
Speaker 1: Right whatever, But that's important.
Speaker 4: But this is hard you ask a question about.
Speaker 1: But I know, he's a tool, he's a fucking dickhead.
Speaker 1: All of a sudden, you fucking asshole, I'm going to
Speaker 1: ruin you. You're dead, you're over. But but at the
Speaker 1: same time, she could have been doing it the whole
Speaker 1: time behind his back.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know there's a lot of infidelity. Yeah, there's
Speaker 4: a lot of infidelity, But you know, I I think
Speaker 4: that for play is really really important. I think staying
Speaker 4: connected is really important. I mean, these are the things
Speaker 4: that kind of build up sexual energy. And I think
Speaker 4: that it's important. If it's a man and a woman
Speaker 4: who are in a relationship together, there has to be
Speaker 4: communication because what is going to satisfy the man is
Speaker 4: not necessarily what's going to satisfy the women. Most women
Speaker 4: want the romance, they want they want to feel connected.
Speaker 4: You know, they can't just very few women can consistently
Speaker 4: just do the deed and feel fulfilled by that. So
Speaker 4: it's all a conversation. But yeah, I think sex is
Speaker 4: a very important part of a relationship, and I think
Speaker 4: it's something that you have to pay attention to when
Speaker 4: you're in a long term relationship.
Speaker 1: I think it's that's where a lot of work has
Speaker 1: to be done also in relationships, also the communication about
Speaker 1: what you have because that evolves. Also that's not the
Speaker 1: only thing that evolved. You know, people's desires and wants
Speaker 1: evolve and you have to be open to hearing it
Speaker 1: and you have to be open to saying what you
Speaker 1: want also, and uh, you know, I think I think
Speaker 1: I think that's just as important. That's what I was
Speaker 1: trying to say I I I believe. I believe communication
Speaker 1: in all aspects of your relationship. If that's the if
Speaker 1: your relationships, the universe, the planets are little pockets of
Speaker 1: communication that need to continuously be uh visited.
Speaker 4: Hundred.
Speaker 2: I want to just end with one quote. I don't
Speaker 2: know if this is yours, but I like this what
Speaker 2: a lot, and I want to know your thoughts on it.
Speaker 2: The best piece of dating advice I've ever received is this,
Speaker 2: If they like you, you'll know, If they don't, you'll
Speaker 2: be confused. Honestly, it's all you need to know. Yes,
Speaker 2: not my quote, but that's pretty great, right, don't you
Speaker 2: think that's good advice?
Speaker 1: Yeah? If I think you'll like you, you'll know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you're confused, if you're if you're listening to
Speaker 2: this right now and there's a person you're pursuing, or
Speaker 2: you're hanging out with, or you're hooked up a few
Speaker 2: times and you and in the text conversation and you're confused,
Speaker 2: that's all you need to know, right, I mean, that's
Speaker 2: all you.
Speaker 4: Need to know. But I would always I always encourage
Speaker 4: people to communicate. I always say, you know, if you're confused,
Speaker 4: bring up, say hey, I'm confused, like, are you into me?
Speaker 4: Are you into this? Because it does it would seems
Speaker 4: so as though.
Speaker 2: You're not right before you before you go, I'm out
Speaker 2: communicate because I think that there's so many people. I
Speaker 2: mean obviously young kids.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: I used to think that like only kids and twenty
Speaker 2: somethings and teenagers played games. That shit happens till you die.
Speaker 2: I assumed, because I mean, my stepmother's dating in her
Speaker 2: eighties and she'll tell me about games people are playing.
Speaker 2: No way, really, Yeah, you know they're just not being
Speaker 2: they're not communicating.
Speaker 1: Clear games are, but don't all games? Aren't all games
Speaker 1: played for sex? Though? Isn't that with that?
Speaker 2: No, No, I'm talking I'm not talking about sex. I'm
Speaker 2: talking about you're pursuing someone and when they if they
Speaker 2: like you, there they'll communicate and and you'll know if
Speaker 2: they if there's games being played, and there's and you're
Speaker 2: confused what Jillian is saying, Step one, openly communicate. I'm confused,
Speaker 2: are you into this or not? But then if it continues,
Speaker 2: you have all the knowledge you need.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you got to be out. Never chase, never ever
Speaker 4: ever chase No, and never change yourself creepy.
Speaker 2: Like what she said. I like what she said. If
Speaker 2: you're chasing, If you're chasing, they're running away.
Speaker 1: From the running, then they're running. The definition of chasing
Speaker 1: is that you're the person that you are trying to
Speaker 1: get to is trying to.
Speaker 4: Try to get away exactly.
Speaker 2: It's confusing though, because that person running away will still
Speaker 2: turn around a couple of times and give you like
Speaker 2: a little kiss and.
Speaker 4: Then But if you know who you are and you're
Speaker 4: so clear in your center and you're so clear about
Speaker 4: what you want, that game, if when it's really played,
Speaker 4: you're going to be like, yeah, I'm bored. I'm bored
Speaker 4: because in order for the for the the the dance
Speaker 4: to be fun, you gotta be like you got to
Speaker 4: be getting something. You got to be getting something, otherwise
Speaker 4: you're not creating anything. I know.
Speaker 2: But I think that there's part of that game is
Speaker 2: that the person doesn't just ghost you ers and just disappeared.
Speaker 2: They throw little breadcrumbs that are confusing.
Speaker 4: Walk away from that, walk away from that, because they
Speaker 4: walk away everyone.
Speaker 2: You hear that Ji is telling you, this is a
Speaker 2: message of intervention for you that need to hear.
Speaker 1: Walk away the tent will become very clear though if
Speaker 1: they if they were throwing bread crumbs, they'll say, but could.
Speaker 2: Be more bullshit games bro that the same thing.
Speaker 4: But we all do though. It's like, let's get close. No, no, no,
Speaker 4: not too close. Let's get close, not too close. And
Speaker 4: I think that this is something that a lot of
Speaker 4: us do, and it's it's it's we have to become
Speaker 4: aware of it. Never accept crumbs and convince yourself it's
Speaker 4: a meal.
Speaker 1: Yes, preach you walk away at the end. They might
Speaker 1: even present the meal. They might even be like, wait,
Speaker 1: hold on, I was trying to lead it. It is no,
Speaker 1: and here's the pie.
Speaker 2: But that's just games, so they can keep you in
Speaker 2: their fucking stable, in their QUI.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's very very true.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's all right to be a hoe. All right, listen, how.
Speaker 2: Did you get to somebody's how did you get to
Speaker 2: that conclusion? And therefore it's okay to be a hoe?
Speaker 2: What do you mean?
Speaker 1: Because sometime listen, sometimes listen, I'm all about I'm all
Speaker 1: about enjoying yourself and experiencing your life and everything like
Speaker 1: that and getting out there. I feel I feel in
Speaker 1: your youth or in your I don't. I don't judge
Speaker 1: anybody when it comes to how you are sexually. But
Speaker 1: when it comes to the mind and it comes to
Speaker 1: the brain and playing games with that, I have a
Speaker 1: real hard time with That's that's trust issues and I'll
Speaker 1: be ready to fight somebody right. Yeah, when it comes
Speaker 1: to the sexual games, please play on player.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 2: But what Jillian is saying is just communicating. There's nothing
Speaker 2: wrong with casual sex. If everyone's down with the program
Speaker 2: and there's communication, of course, go nuts. But it's when
Speaker 2: you start misleading people and not being authentic and not
Speaker 2: having integrity that.
Speaker 4: Or lying to yourself, lying to yourself saying it's okay
Speaker 4: when it's really not. Because you're desperate.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and recognizing that you're desperate. That's something that a
Speaker 1: lot of people can't do.
Speaker 4: Also, it's very taboo, and I think that, you know,
Speaker 4: I want to I try to tell people, you know,
Speaker 4: we have to. Everyone has felt desperate before. Everyone desperate
Speaker 4: And what is it desperate for love?
Speaker 1: Attention?
Speaker 4: Connection, touch?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it spooning, to be heard, to be heard.
Speaker 4: But when our desire for love is stronger than our
Speaker 4: self respect, that's when we really will betray ourselves and.
Speaker 1: That's when we look foolish, We look like freaking the joker.
Speaker 1: What was that that picture of Joaquin Phoenix in the
Speaker 1: suit with the with the with the with the clown
Speaker 1: face on. It's the meme that's out there and at
Speaker 1: top of it is like when she said she'll be
Speaker 1: ready in fifteen minutes and it's already been two hours
Speaker 1: and you're still waiting and he's the clown soon.
Speaker 2: All right, Jillian, this has been amazing. Tell our listeners
Speaker 2: how they find you and you're name of your podcasts?
Speaker 4: Yeah, so my podcast is Jillian on Love. You can
Speaker 4: get it, you know, basically anywhere Apple, Spotify, and my
Speaker 4: name Jillian tarekis. You can find me Instagram, Jillian Tareki, TikTok, Twitter, threads,
Speaker 4: you know, my website Jilliantreki dot com.
Speaker 2: All right, great, thank you. You're so helpful and and
Speaker 2: I love your quotes. I think they really you know,
Speaker 2: sometimes you stumble across a good quote and it's everything
Speaker 2: you need to hear that day, and so thank you
Speaker 2: for sharing that with the world.
Speaker 4: I appreciate that very much. Thank you.
Speaker 1: All right, Thanks, I appreciate you for being on the show.
Speaker 2: Yeah, me too, Thank you so much.
Speaker 4: Thank you guys.
Speaker 2: That was great. By the way, it was what I
Speaker 2: heard was amazing. She just she just really drops knowledge
Speaker 2: that people need to hear, and I certainly need to hear.
Speaker 1: Let's take a break.
Speaker 2: We'll be right back after these fine words.
Speaker 1: That This segment of Fake Doctor's Real Friends is brought
Speaker 1: to you by T Mobile five G Home Internet, protecting
Speaker 1: you from exploding bills with the price locked guarantee. Visit
Speaker 1: T Mobile slash Zach to check availability.
Speaker 2: One day they'll make a Donald one for you. All right, Joelle,
Speaker 2: go ahead with the letter that you have.
Speaker 5: Hi, Joelle, I hope that you are doing wonderfully. I
Speaker 5: would like to express my appreciation for Fake Doctors Real
Speaker 5: Friends and share an idea for the next iteration of
Speaker 5: Fake Doctor's podcast. Thank you to Daniel, Zach and Donald
Speaker 5: for bringing fans of the podcast immeasurable joy since twenty twenty.
Speaker 5: Donald's legendary voice, even while yelling Zach's passion, your infectious
Speaker 5: laugh and animals humility helped me endure some of the
Speaker 5: hardest days and nights with my teenage son, who has
Speaker 5: a chronic pain condition. My partner and I both work
Speaker 5: and care for our two boys, full time, every day, always.
Speaker 5: We are one hundred percent dedicated to our boys, but
Speaker 5: there is very little time for ourselves individuals or as
Speaker 5: a couple. Scrubs continues to be my favorite comedy and
Speaker 5: it is a delightful listen to stories and interviews with
Speaker 5: cast members. Bill Lawrence's friendly quote takeovers of the podcast
Speaker 5: are so hilarious. Sometimes I cannot believe how hard I
Speaker 5: am laughing while listening. I just really appreciate you all.
Speaker 5: I imagine you have an amazing idea for what happens
Speaker 5: after the rewatch of season eight is complete. Yes, my
Speaker 5: idea is six degrees of Scrubs or something along those lines.
Speaker 5: The idea centers around the notion that we are all
Speaker 5: connected by six degrees of people. Zecond Donald could interview
Speaker 5: really anyone family, friends, doctors, actors, performers, directors, musicians, producers,
Speaker 5: crew artists within six degrees of Scrubs that could explain
Speaker 5: the connection and jump in the interview. For instance, Terren
Speaker 5: Kellum played Jimmy the overly touchy Orderly. Terren guested on
Speaker 5: How I Met Your Mother with Jason Siegel, who starred
Speaker 5: in Forgetting Sarah Marshall with Kristen Bell. So Christy can
Speaker 5: be your guest on six Degrees of Scrubs with Doctor
Speaker 5: Friends with z econ Donald's best switches to you all
Speaker 5: with appreciation.
Speaker 1: Laura se I like this because then it could even
Speaker 1: be like, you know, the person who fixed my leg
Speaker 1: slash his You know, he's one of the biggest surgeons
Speaker 1: in California, in the world. Actually, Neil Alatrosh he did.
Speaker 1: He did my knee, he does he did Kobe's me,
Speaker 1: he did every Lebron, he did everybody. You know what
Speaker 1: I mean.
Speaker 2: So what you're saying is this gives us a reason
Speaker 2: to have Lebron on the show because we're two degrees
Speaker 2: from Lebron exactly.
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying. Yes, that's how it works.
Speaker 2: That is a good idea. That is a good idea.
Speaker 1: I like that.
Speaker 2: I also love what we're doing. I mean, we're we're
Speaker 2: having interesting people on of all types.
Speaker 1: Sometimes that's all the same thing though, the surge in general.
Speaker 1: I'm sure we can find the.
Speaker 2: Sixth bombs so we can get Obama. He's two degrees
Speaker 2: from Obama.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. I'm sure we can find
Speaker 1: the dots that connected. That's such a great idea. What's
Speaker 1: her name? La, Laura, Laura C.
Speaker 2: Thank you love your idea, great idea, Thank you, Laura C.
Speaker 2: I mean, well, well we will pursue that. I just
Speaker 2: saw Tarran, by the way, in Spam a Lot, Dude, he's.
Speaker 1: He's in that with Jimmy Schmagoula. Jimmy Schmagoula, I see
Speaker 1: you in Spam a Lot baby doing it big.
Speaker 2: And Michael Yuri and Chris Fitzgerald and lots of people.
Speaker 2: It's very funny. If you're in New York. I recommend it.
Speaker 2: They're not in the both Michael Yuri and Tarn Aren't
Speaker 2: it very long because Michael's going back to the hit
Speaker 2: show Shrinking. But go check out Spam a Lot.
Speaker 1: Yeah, with my good buddy Jimmy Schmagoula. Me and him
Speaker 1: have known each other since we were kids.
Speaker 2: All right, and Jimmy Schmagoula great.
Speaker 1: Ya.
Speaker 2: Thank you for your letter and please continue to write
Speaker 2: his letters you might be chosen to be read on
Speaker 2: this very podcast. And Joelle, thank you for booking Gillian Tareki.
Speaker 2: She was perfect. Thanks to Mobile. If you're over exploding
Speaker 2: internet bills, visit t mobile dot com slash Zach and
Speaker 2: find out how new and existing customers get T Mobile's
Speaker 2: price lock guarantee for home Internet. You know, I do
Speaker 2: have to give T Mobile a genuine shout out right now, please, yes,
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I'll tell you something. The weekend, bro Oh,
Speaker 2: T Mobile solved something. And it's always annoyed me on
Speaker 2: it whenever I'm on an airline, and now it's been
Speaker 2: two airlines in a row, both American and Alaska, and
Speaker 2: you're trying to get on the Wi Fi and it's
Speaker 2: always I never remember my password and the shit never
Speaker 2: works and it's always a fee. Yeah, and then it's
Speaker 2: just it's always annoying. Team Mobile has this new thing
Speaker 2: on lots of airlines, including Daniel can look up which ones.
Speaker 2: But I just flew. I fly American all the time,
Speaker 2: and I just flew Alaska. And literally, if you're a
Speaker 2: T mobile customer, the second you get on the plane,
Speaker 2: all you do is put in your T Mobile phone
Speaker 2: number and then Wi Fi's on. It's free. I mean,
Speaker 2: I said to the guys when we saw them this weekend,
Speaker 2: I go, that is such a smart thing to do,
Speaker 2: because you've taken something that's so annoying a little pestery,
Speaker 2: annoying thing, and you've solved it instantly and it makes
Speaker 2: customers like me very happy.
Speaker 5: Your airlines are Alaska, American, Delta, and United.
Speaker 2: There you go, all those airlines. If you're a team
Speaker 2: old customer, you just go on and put in your
Speaker 2: phone number and it's free and that's all you have
Speaker 2: to do.
Speaker 1: So there you go.
Speaker 2: There's a team.
Speaker 1: I was also saying. I was also saying, how wonderful
Speaker 1: the weekend was. You know, we had such a great time,
Speaker 1: and the race was sponsored by T Mobile and Heineken.
Speaker 1: I just want to shout out Team Mobile for one
Speaker 1: bring Zach and I down there, but also bringing calming
Speaker 1: down in making it so. I had the opportunity to
Speaker 1: meet Brad Pitt and David Fincher.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean, Like we were one day,
Speaker 2: we're one degree away from Brad Pitt. Now he can
Speaker 2: come on the show thanks to the new rules of
Speaker 2: the show. Yeah, joy, you missed that up top they
Speaker 2: met David Fincher and Brad Pitt.
Speaker 1: What Yeah, yeah, just this.
Speaker 2: Weekend happen when you come late to the show.
Speaker 1: You this weekend alone in Vegas. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you could hear it in my voice. But I am
Speaker 1: the high drated.
Speaker 2: And you didn't get that.
Speaker 1: Hammered no, and I didn't get that. I kept it
Speaker 1: together because I rolled with a sober lad nowadays, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. And so I can't get two
Speaker 1: shit faced because the last thing I would want is
Speaker 1: to have to have my friend carry me out of
Speaker 1: a club because I'm too wasted.
Speaker 2: It's nice to wake up in Vegas completely with no hangover.
Speaker 2: It's not something I did until this age. Facts nice.
Speaker 1: You know what else is nice in Vegas? Winning? It
Speaker 1: doesn't happen often.
Speaker 2: Oh, we were getting crushed. We were at this table
Speaker 2: and this dude had, this dealer had such a winning streak.
Speaker 2: I was just like, I'd never seen anything. If this
Speaker 2: dude had was betting his own money, he would have
Speaker 2: just like bought a new house. He was on fire.
Speaker 2: And Donald and I are just sitting there with that,
Speaker 2: but just never heads one.
Speaker 1: You get twenty, he got twenty one, You get twenty one,
Speaker 1: he got twenty one. Yeah, you got nineteen, he got twenty,
Speaker 1: You get eighteen. Guess what he got nineteen? Yeah you could.
Speaker 2: We couldn't win. Head couldn't beat him, and he never
Speaker 2: took a break. I was like, aren't you due for
Speaker 2: a break?
Speaker 1: And it's not me. It's the box. It's not me,
Speaker 1: it's the computer in the box.
Speaker 2: What's happening in that box? Let's talk about it.
Speaker 1: One. Why did we change the odds?
Speaker 2: Yeah, by the way, the black check, unless you're betting
Speaker 2: in a certain room over a certain amount, it doesn't
Speaker 2: pay out what it used to.
Speaker 1: Why don't really odds changed?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: What is it? What is it?
Speaker 2: Donald? I don't understand the wording of it. It's like
Speaker 2: five to six now, Oh, it used to be three
Speaker 2: to two? Is that correct?
Speaker 1: Two to three?
Speaker 2: I don't know how to I don't know what even
Speaker 2: that means. It doesn't pay out what it used to
Speaker 2: pay out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it means it means if you bet five, it
Speaker 3: pays six when it used to be you pay two
Speaker 3: that it gives you three.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: Well, they just suddenly changed that. They just changed that,
Speaker 2: by the way, I didn't even know that, but they
Speaker 2: decided they found a way to make more money and
Speaker 2: then just changed that. They just changed that rule of
Speaker 2: you have to be in a certain room. I think
Speaker 2: it was betting over three hundred a hand to get
Speaker 2: the better odds. That's crazy. Well, they got they got
Speaker 2: to pay for that sphere somehow, so they do.
Speaker 1: All of the owners of the casinos have to pay
Speaker 1: for that spear.
Speaker 2: But the sphere is I heard some insane figure like
Speaker 2: the sphere would have to sell out every night for
Speaker 2: like thirty five years to make its money back.
Speaker 1: Damn what you know what they should do?
Speaker 2: I don't know if that's true, but google it, like
Speaker 2: the sphere is. The sphere is amazing and it's so cool.
Speaker 2: It's crazy. But I think it costs way more money
Speaker 2: than they ever thought it would because this is just
Speaker 2: anecdotally I heard. I don't know if it's true, So
Speaker 2: Joe take it for what it's worth. Joe can google it.
Speaker 2: But they they didn't account for the heat of Vegas,
Speaker 2: so all of those sensors, all of the LEDs on
Speaker 2: the outside have to be cooled all the time, and
Speaker 2: so I think the cost got so astronomical that the
Speaker 2: thing is never going to recoup what it costs.
Speaker 1: That's what I was, Yes, sir, speaking of spheres, The
Speaker 1: answer is yes. Can we talk about Ahsoka?
Speaker 5: Now, oh, we were not talking about saying I thought
Speaker 5: you're talking about Beyonce coming to the sphere. I was like,
Speaker 5: I'm getting my money ready.
Speaker 1: Well, shoot, I'm talking about the volume. I'm talking about
Speaker 1: how it was not used that much in Ahsoka because
Speaker 1: they went on location. I'm talking about lightsaber battles with
Speaker 1: Balen's skull and Shin I'm talking about I'm talking about Ahsoka,
Speaker 1: Tano and Sabine Wren. Yeah, spoiler alert, can she use
Speaker 1: the force?
Speaker 2: I'm talking about four listeners care about this. We should, that's.
Speaker 1: Bullshit, But there's a whole bunch of people right now
Speaker 1: who have been waiting to find out what me and
Speaker 1: Joel think.
Speaker 5: If we can keep it under two minutes, we'll keep
Speaker 5: very tight. I'll say Episode five legendary love seeing Ahsoka
Speaker 5: back with her guy fighting.
Speaker 1: Episode three and on baby from the one, the one
Speaker 1: where we flyed and we fly now, oh my god,
Speaker 1: when they're flying with the pergo, oh my god, Oh
Speaker 1: my god. The soundtrack, Oh my goodness.
Speaker 5: Gracious Heaven kind of really showed up this thing.
Speaker 1: If you're a Star Wars fan, this show is for you.
Speaker 1: If you're not a Star Wars fan, you know, I
Speaker 1: don't care. I really don't care. If you have problems
Speaker 1: with it, or if it doesn't mess, if you're upset
Speaker 1: about it, I don't care. But that ship was fire,
Speaker 1: hit hit.
Speaker 5: I really enjoyed the majority of that show.
Speaker 1: She's a majority.
Speaker 2: That's our Star Wars. Round up, everybody. I'm so glad
Speaker 2: that we had it. Apparently it's fire. Apparently they don't
Speaker 2: use the volume that much. They go to location.
Speaker 1: Good recaps.
Speaker 2: God, the volume got canceled real quick. That was like
Speaker 2: the it's like the backlash to the backlash to the
Speaker 2: thing that just begun.
Speaker 1: No, I don't think it's gotten canceled yet. I think no.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's just funny, like it happened and it
Speaker 2: was so cool and everyone's like, ohly shit, this is revolutionary,
Speaker 2: and everyone's like, oh, not another show in the volume.
Speaker 5: That just I think committing an entire series to the
Speaker 5: volume is going to end.
Speaker 2: I think start using let be used for special things.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, all right, fans, listeners, we love you, thanks
Speaker 2: for tuning in, And we're gonna start talking about Scrubs again.
Speaker 5: Yay.
Speaker 1: I'm really soon. You might get one this week, how
Speaker 1: about that, you'll get one next week.
Speaker 2: No, you're gonna get it next week.
Speaker 1: Oh you don't want to do it. I thought we
Speaker 1: were going to do a special Thanksgiving drop.
Speaker 2: No, no one's going to listen on Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1: Bro, how much do you want to bet they do?
Speaker 1: I bet they won't. Very low listening, Yeah, because you
Speaker 1: guys don't know nothing about analytics like me.
Speaker 2: I think Jambel and Dale will probably know more about it.
Speaker 1: Guys, you know very little about analytics.
Speaker 2: I don't think you've ever seen have you ever seen
Speaker 2: a podcast listening graph? Donald?
Speaker 1: Oh, my gosh, all the time in my mo indad,
Speaker 1: in my mind, I have I have seen a graph
Speaker 1: in my mind and we're all the ways on.
Speaker 2: We're always on top, all right on my graph, Daniel,
Speaker 2: since you were were Joel today, we're gonna let you
Speaker 2: count out because what you we're gonna get you. We wanna,
Speaker 2: we wanna do something about honoring you. You honor you,
Speaker 2: You you honor me, so you truly do honor me.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Seven stories not show we made about a
Speaker 1: bunch of talks and nurses. Sana I said, he's a
Speaker 1: story next as no so ganda around you here YadA,
Speaker 1: here me show