Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly
Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small
Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions
Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor Joy hard and Bradford,
Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or
Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website
Speaker 1: at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you
Speaker 1: love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is
Speaker 1: not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with
Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much
Speaker 1: for joining me for session three thirty seven the Therapy
Speaker 1: for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our conversation
Speaker 1: after a word from our sponsors introducing our new Therapy
Speaker 1: for Black Girls Holiday gift collection. Our new ensemble of
Speaker 1: drinkwaar totes, journals and sweaters were made to remind you
Speaker 1: of the importance of centering your mental health. Purchase your
Speaker 1: tvg gifts at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash shop.
Speaker 1: Happy Holidays, y'all, remember to take good care and give
Speaker 1: good gifts. Another year has unfolded for the Therapy for
Speaker 1: Black Girls Podcast, bringing with it an abundance of enriching conversations,
Speaker 1: enlightening guest contributions, and thought provoking gems. If you happen
Speaker 1: to miss an episode, don't worry, because today we're revisiting
Speaker 1: the top ten most listening to episodes of the podcast
Speaker 1: this year. From the profound to the hilarious, we have
Speaker 1: something for everyone, so cozy up, grab a snack, and
Speaker 1: enjoy our twenty twenty three best of. As always, if
Speaker 1: something resonates with you while enjoying this episode, please share
Speaker 1: with us on social media using the hashtag TBG in
Speaker 1: session or join us over in the Sister Circle to
Speaker 1: talk more about the episode. You can join us at
Speaker 1: community dot therapy for Blackgirls dot com. Here's our countdown.
Speaker 1: Coming in at number ten of our most listened to
Speaker 1: episodes of the year is Session three h two, The
Speaker 1: Truth about imposter Syndrome and Perfectionism. In this conversation, myself
Speaker 1: and licensed psychologist doctor Lisa Orbey Austin broke down what
Speaker 1: exactly imposter syndrome is, why and how self sabotage might
Speaker 1: show up unannounced to the party that is your life,
Speaker 1: and why claiming to be a perfectionist is no that's
Speaker 1: the kind of sorority you want to be a part of.
Speaker 1: Here's one of my favorite gyms from this episode. So
Speaker 1: let us break it all down for people who are
Speaker 1: joining us for this conversation and talk about what does
Speaker 1: it mean to have imposter syndrome? Like, what is the
Speaker 1: definition of imposter syndrome?
Speaker 2: Yeah, So, imposter syndrome is when you are skilled, qualified, expert,
Speaker 2: even have credentials, but you haven't internalized them, and as
Speaker 2: a result of not internalizing them, you then have performance
Speaker 2: anxiety about the things that you do. That performance anxiety
Speaker 2: often leads to either self sabotage where you set yourself
Speaker 2: up for failure, or where you overwork or overfunction to
Speaker 2: cover this idea that you are actually fraudulent. Once you
Speaker 2: receive performance feedback, typically you either like negate or get
Speaker 2: rid of any positive feedback around your performance, and then
Speaker 2: if there's any critical feedback about your performance, you hyper
Speaker 2: focus on it with this idea that you'll never make
Speaker 2: that mistake ever again, and then you get caught in
Speaker 2: the cycle all over again. So it's a kind of
Speaker 2: cyclical thing that begins with trigger where you're kind of
Speaker 2: feeling like a fraud and that you're not going to enough.
Speaker 1: So you mentioned a little while ago that there definitely
Speaker 1: are strategies and interventions that people can try to work
Speaker 1: through imposter syndrome. Can you say a little bit about
Speaker 1: the things that we're helpful for you and working through
Speaker 1: imposter syndrome and also other things people might be interested
Speaker 1: in trying.
Speaker 2: One of them is really learning how to identify automatic
Speaker 2: negative thoughts when you're triggered, and then how to counter
Speaker 2: them with basic CPT methodology that really works really lovely
Speaker 2: with imposter syndrome. But the piece that we are working
Speaker 2: on identifying is what are those imposter syndrome thoughts that
Speaker 2: are happening. Oftentimes we have come to believe them is true,
Speaker 2: and really recognizing that they're not necessarily true and they're
Speaker 2: actually impeding or and reinforcing the imposter syndrome. Really is
Speaker 2: part of the work is being able to identify and
Speaker 2: distinguish them. One of the other pieces that we know
Speaker 2: that imposter syndrome causes a lot of overwork, so it
Speaker 2: causes burnout. That's significantly correlated to burnout. So one of
Speaker 2: the things that we often are teaching people how to
Speaker 2: do is how to really embrace and structure and prioritize
Speaker 2: self care in their lives and really find ways to
Speaker 2: kind of consider this as foundational. You don't get self
Speaker 2: care when whatever time's left over you're actually thinking about it,
Speaker 2: being very embedded.
Speaker 1: So I wonder if you could share with us one
Speaker 1: mantra or affirmation that you share with yourself when your
Speaker 1: inner critic is louder than your inner cheerleader. That's a
Speaker 1: great question.
Speaker 2: I think it's my husband's mantra, which is, when you
Speaker 2: work as hard for yourself as you do for others,
Speaker 2: you're going to be unstoppable. And I think for me
Speaker 2: that often doesn't mean just about work and also sometimes
Speaker 2: means about prioritizing myself. And I think you know that
Speaker 2: often when my inner critic is louder than my inner cheerleader,
Speaker 2: oftentimes I need to care for myself deeper, and I'm
Speaker 2: often losing connection to myself and that's when I start
Speaker 2: to focus on, Okay, what else do I need? Do
Speaker 2: my meditations need to go up in time? Do I
Speaker 2: need to make sure that I'm taking care of my body.
Speaker 2: Do I need to my mind like what's happening? And
Speaker 2: how do I need to serve myself. So I do
Speaker 2: often think about when I'm feeling most just regulated by
Speaker 2: all that I need to kind of care for myself
Speaker 2: in some particular way, and what is it? And I
Speaker 2: sort of take that moment to reflect back on that.
Speaker 1: How do I need to serve myself? That's definitely going
Speaker 1: in my journal. I want you to want to take
Speaker 1: a guess at what this next pick is. Here's a hint.
Speaker 1: It shares a theme with one of the songs from
Speaker 1: Beyonce's groundbreaking Renaissance album. It's actually my favorite on the album.
Speaker 1: If you guess Session two ninety eight Church Hurt with
Speaker 1: doctor Taym O'Bryant, you were correct. In episode nine of
Speaker 1: our Countdown, we discussed the always important topic of how
Speaker 1: religious institutions can create more ethical standards to protect members
Speaker 1: from abuse.
Speaker 3: Here's a snippet, and so we want to think about
Speaker 3: this phrase. If it is humiliating, it's not healing. If
Speaker 3: it's humiliating, it's not healing. So someone who is trying
Speaker 3: to help me even to be better or to grow,
Speaker 3: or to empower me in their presence, I don't feel
Speaker 3: like they are glorying in my embarrassment, right They're not
Speaker 3: celebrating and holding their power over me. They may have
Speaker 3: power because I respect them and they're insightful and they
Speaker 3: have some wisdom, But in the presence you think about
Speaker 3: wise counsel, wise loving counsel. When I'm in the presence
Speaker 3: of wisdom that is based in love, it actually sparks
Speaker 3: and inspires my growth, versus I'm in the presence of
Speaker 3: people who in order to feel good about themselves, they
Speaker 3: have to insult me or others, And it might not
Speaker 3: start with you. So you want to even pay attention
Speaker 3: to how are they treating others? Who is it that
Speaker 3: people are collectively laughing at and laughing about who gets
Speaker 3: diminished on the microphone in the pullpit?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 3: And so what does it appear is the emotional maturity
Speaker 3: of the people who are in charge, right, If they
Speaker 3: are teasing, bullying, if primarily I feel they're just angry
Speaker 3: all the time, then this is not likely good ground
Speaker 3: for my spiritual growth.
Speaker 1: I've been really encouraged to see more, you know, like
Speaker 1: mental health ministries in churches, and can you talk a
Speaker 1: little bit about why it's important for spirituality and like
Speaker 1: psychologists and other therapists and mental health professionals to be
Speaker 1: in alignment to have some of that kind of operating
Speaker 1: in the similary.
Speaker 3: That's right, It's so important, and I'm grateful to be
Speaker 3: able to lead our mental health ministry at First Day
Speaker 3: at Me Church in Los Angeles. And it pushes back
Speaker 3: against the false choice that people need to either have
Speaker 3: faith or go to therapy. US working in collaboratation and
Speaker 3: communication is for the betterment of the community, right. And
Speaker 3: you know what I like to say for pastors is
Speaker 3: the importance of becoming comfortable making referrals to say that
Speaker 3: this untrained person, an uninformed person because they love God,
Speaker 3: is now in a position to take care of all
Speaker 3: of your mental health needs. It's not fair. It's not
Speaker 3: fair to the members, and it's also not fair to
Speaker 3: that minister who is not prepared. And so there's nothing
Speaker 3: shameful about making a referral while you will still provide
Speaker 3: the pastoral support to also encourage people to get help
Speaker 3: from professionals who are trained to address the issues so
Speaker 3: we work better together.
Speaker 1: That last pick was amazing, and next up it's even
Speaker 1: more fire with session three oh three how trauma affects
Speaker 1: the brain. Taking the number eight spot, I think you'll
Speaker 1: enjoy this one. If you're interested to hear more about
Speaker 1: the science high generational trauma. Let's hear one of my
Speaker 1: favorite moments from this conversation with doctor Bianca Jones Morland. So,
Speaker 1: you know, we talk a lot about in psychology around
Speaker 1: like trauma getting tramped in the brain and like our
Speaker 1: body experiencing trauma. Can you talk about what actually happens
Speaker 1: in the brain when we have had a traumatic experience.
Speaker 4: What happens in the brain when we have a traumatic experience.
Speaker 4: I'll start off by saying, I'm a firm believer that
Speaker 4: biology wants us to survive and thrive, So any change
Speaker 4: the body.
Speaker 1: Has is a.
Speaker 4: Hopeful potential adaptation to the stimulus. What we've come to
Speaker 4: see both as humans as we see this as we
Speaker 4: live on this earth and walk throughout life, but also
Speaker 4: as biologists, is that certain stressors, certain traumas change the
Speaker 4: way we respond to future stressors and traumas because we've
Speaker 4: learned a different response.
Speaker 1: So that learning.
Speaker 4: Mechanism, that's beautiful, that's in the brain, that's all established.
Speaker 4: Like I was well studied, I would say how the
Speaker 4: brain learns, and it would make sense that if you
Speaker 4: are let's give an example of like you're walking down
Speaker 4: the block and all of a sudden you walk past
Speaker 4: a baseball field and a ball comes whizzing behind you.
Speaker 2: You jump back.
Speaker 4: The next time you walk past that baseball field, you're
Speaker 4: going to keep your eyes offen both ways as you're
Speaker 4: crossing the street. That heightened alertness that will maybe very
Speaker 4: much aware of my surroundings is essential for your survival.
Speaker 4: You to get to work looking cute and then wherever
Speaker 4: you're going and not get hit by this baseball. But
Speaker 4: when you're walking throughout life and you're not just walking
Speaker 4: past a baseball field and you feel that constant at
Speaker 4: to be aware something that could happen, this is when
Speaker 4: it becomes maladaptive. So this is what really us as neuroscientists,
Speaker 4: the group of us that are studying these facets, are
Speaker 4: really looking at what does it mean to learn one experience,
Speaker 4: generalize it to experiences that really it doesn't fit, and
Speaker 4: then potentially even take those memories of that one bad
Speaker 4: experience that could have been helpful in learning something although
Speaker 4: it was unfortunate experience, and passing it down to the
Speaker 4: next generation where they don't live anywhere in your baseball court,
Speaker 4: but they feel that tension every time they walk down
Speaker 4: the street.
Speaker 1: I have always thought, if trauma can be pais intergenerationally,
Speaker 1: can joy in the humor and all of those like
Speaker 1: negative things right like? Can tholes be passed intergenerationally as will?
Speaker 4: That's an awesome question, and I'm going to answer you
Speaker 4: now as a human and out as a scientist, I
Speaker 4: do believe they are because as a Black American, there's
Speaker 4: no way that we could be here if we weren't
Speaker 4: for that that ability to say, you know what, you've
Speaker 4: gone through a lot for generations. But also strength is
Speaker 4: part of something I'm going to teach you. We're going
Speaker 4: to epigenetically have for survival and then therefore pass on
Speaker 4: as part of our being. Does it come up that's
Speaker 4: plus and minuses that word strength, that were diligence, that
Speaker 4: word resilience. Of course they're triggering at this point, especially
Speaker 4: after the last few years hearing them, but doesn't mean
Speaker 4: that there's not a truth in them. And so I
Speaker 4: personally believe that that's the case. Now when it comes
Speaker 4: to what we're studying in the lab, we're really focusing
Speaker 4: on the traumas first because I really hope that joy
Speaker 4: has passed down, and if love and joy have passed down, great,
Speaker 4: we have less work to do as scientists. But it's
Speaker 4: really the traumas that are going to need our brains
Speaker 4: and our attention our minds.
Speaker 1: All right. Moving on to number seven on our list
Speaker 1: of most listening to episodes of the year is session
Speaker 1: two ninety two Quiet Firing and Life after Layoffs. We
Speaker 1: talked about the psychological effects of losing work and it
Speaker 1: clearly resonated with a lot of you. Here's a snippet
Speaker 1: of my conversation with community member Flow and doctor laf Washington.
Speaker 5: So I found out that I lost my job over
Speaker 5: a zoo meeting or teams meeting, but a virtual meeting
Speaker 5: of some sort. It was around of September twenty twenty.
Speaker 5: It was during the pandemic, so there was a lot
Speaker 5: of uncertainty outside, and having to lose my job was
Speaker 5: another aspect of uncertainty. So for me, even though I
Speaker 5: may have I wounded that this day was going to come,
Speaker 5: just being called into that virtual meeting and hearing the
Speaker 5: woods well we no longer require your employment really stung.
Speaker 5: So I had to prepare myself. I tried to remain come. However,
Speaker 5: after I got.
Speaker 6: Off the call.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I cried, tears roll on my face. I remember,
Speaker 5: like my hands were trembling, and I picked up the
Speaker 5: phone and I called my significant other and I told
Speaker 5: him the news. I was like, yes, it was just confirmed.
Speaker 5: I've been laid off. Mind you, I had to work
Speaker 5: out the end of the month, So I had to
Speaker 5: show up every day for the remainder of the month
Speaker 5: of September, knowing that comely thirtieth that would be it.
Speaker 5: So yeah, it was a lot of managing emotions. Sometimes
Speaker 5: we want to take it personally, and I might say
Speaker 5: that I perhaps took it personally because it's almost as
Speaker 5: if someone is telling you knew personally like you are
Speaker 5: no longer wanted. It means not necessarily condemning your ability
Speaker 5: to do your job, and it's just the reality of
Speaker 5: an economic situation.
Speaker 1: What kind of recommendations do you have for people, especially
Speaker 1: in the immediate aftermath of a layoff.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's tough, first of all. So let's just acknowledge
Speaker 7: it doesn't feel good and no one wants to be
Speaker 7: laid off, even if there's you know, a light at
Speaker 7: the end of the tunnel, and all of that, you
Speaker 7: have to give yourself time to process. It's a loss,
Speaker 7: and you may go through a grieving process around like
Speaker 7: this identity being shifted, and that's okay. Give yourself that
Speaker 7: time and space. I think once you move past those
Speaker 7: initial shock feelings and that initial anger or other things
Speaker 7: you may be feeling, think about it as a time
Speaker 7: to reevaluate and align your goals and interests. You know,
Speaker 7: reflect on that job that you are leaving. What parts
Speaker 7: of the job did you love and you can't wait
Speaker 7: to do again. What parts of the job just did
Speaker 7: not serve you and you will not miss and you
Speaker 7: don't want to recreate? Also, think it's an opportunity to
Speaker 7: reinvent yourself if you would like, right, this could be
Speaker 7: an opportunity to get into another career, explore hobbies that
Speaker 7: can be career oriented in the future, go back to school,
Speaker 7: like the sky is the limit. And so when we
Speaker 7: don't limit ourselves based on again our previously defined identities,
Speaker 7: we may find that we are going to do something
Speaker 7: that is totally different but much more fulfilling to us.
Speaker 7: So give yourself that space. And then finally, I say,
Speaker 7: tap into your community. Like it can be embarrassing, it
Speaker 7: can feel lonely. It's a hurtful place to be laid off,
Speaker 7: but your community is there for you right tap into
Speaker 7: your friends and family network, let them know when you're struggling.
Speaker 7: Don't grapple with feelings of depression or loss by yourself
Speaker 7: if you don't have to. That is the power of
Speaker 7: our community, and I encourage us, even in these tough
Speaker 7: and uncomfortable moments to lean into that.
Speaker 1: I'm always so grateful for our guests for their insight
Speaker 1: and vulnerability. After more than five years building this podcast,
Speaker 1: it lifts my spirit to be creating a safe space
Speaker 1: for black women to share our knowledge and lived experiences.
Speaker 1: Speaking of getting sentimental, our next pick is an episode
Speaker 1: that is near and dear to my heart because it
Speaker 1: was the first time I revealed the release date of
Speaker 1: my debut book, Sisterhood Heels. There was no better way
Speaker 1: to celebrate this announcement than an incredible conversation about healthy
Speaker 1: friendships with the one and only Debbie Brown. Without further ado,
Speaker 1: this is number six on our list, Session two ninety five,
Speaker 1: a conversation on healthy Friendships with Debbie Brown.
Speaker 8: Okay, you are in the midst of writing your first book,
Speaker 8: Doctor Joy and when I have a chance to kind
Speaker 8: of read up on what it was about. I feel
Speaker 8: so excited because this conversation your book, let me start
Speaker 8: by saying, is called Sisterhood Heels and it's set to
Speaker 8: release summer twenty twenty three. That title, Sisterhood Heels is
Speaker 8: so powerful, and I think we are in the midst
Speaker 8: of creating an entirely new template for what friendship can
Speaker 8: look like, and especially friendship among women and Black women.
Speaker 8: There seems to be this evolution in the air, this
Speaker 8: new understanding of emotional intelligence that people are trying to
Speaker 8: connect to.
Speaker 1: So what is this book about?
Speaker 8: Tell me that thing that's.
Speaker 1: Exciting to chat with you about this divvy because I've
Speaker 1: also heard you talk about this. I know that this
Speaker 1: is something that's important to you as well.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 1: But when I think about like who we have been
Speaker 1: as black women in like what our history and the
Speaker 1: country has been and in the world, a lot of
Speaker 1: our surviving and thriving is connected to one another. And
Speaker 1: I think I have seen that even more so in
Speaker 1: the pandemic right just around, like will aid exchanges and
Speaker 1: offering what you have to your community and to your neighbors,
Speaker 1: and all of those kinds of things. And so to
Speaker 1: me it is crystal clear, as it always has been,
Speaker 1: that to get through this thing called life, it has
Speaker 1: to be together, that we need to do this thing together.
Speaker 1: And so the book is really all about a lot
Speaker 1: of my experience has been in facilitating group therapy, and
Speaker 1: so the book is really about the lessons and things
Speaker 1: that I have learned from group therapy that can also
Speaker 1: help us in our individual sisterhoods. So how do we
Speaker 1: pay attention to the different dynamics that happen in sisterhoods
Speaker 1: and the changes and if unfortunately a sisterhood has to end,
Speaker 1: how do you navigate that in a way that's as
Speaker 1: compassionate and kind as possible.
Speaker 9: Okay, take my money.
Speaker 8: Wow, God, this is so needed.
Speaker 3: This is so needed.
Speaker 1: Thank y'all so much for everybody who has supported Sisterhood
Speaker 1: Heals so far. Thank you for joining us on the
Speaker 1: tour stops in Chicago, Miami, Atlanta, New York, Houston, and
Speaker 1: New Orleans. Thank you for tagging us on social media,
Speaker 1: for buying the book for yourself and your friends, family members,
Speaker 1: and most importantly, thank you for pouring into this collective
Speaker 1: sisterhood cracking the top five of our most listened to
Speaker 1: episodes of twenty twenty three is a conversation about a
Speaker 1: topic that I think many of us can relate to.
Speaker 1: It's the strong black woman trope. We explored this in
Speaker 1: session two ninety three, Black Women and the Superwoman Schema
Speaker 1: with doctor Cheryl Woods Giscombe. Take a listen. So, at
Speaker 1: what point did your research turn to the strong black
Speaker 1: woman or superwoman schema? How did you fall into that research?
Speaker 10: It was during that time where you know, I was
Speaker 10: very much interested in the African American experience from high
Speaker 10: school and the courses I took in college, but also
Speaker 10: beginning to understand how adverse birth outcomes were disproportionately high
Speaker 10: among Black women and that stress was a factor and
Speaker 10: racism as a stressor was important to study. So those
Speaker 10: foundational elements of my education helped me to see that
Speaker 10: the way that we measure stress, or the way that
Speaker 10: we were measuring stress and research and this is like
Speaker 10: the late nineteen nineties early two thousands was not nuanced.
Speaker 3: Enough to.
Speaker 10: Understand the ways that Black women experienced stress and the
Speaker 10: ways they chose to cope, and definitely wasn't nuanced enough
Speaker 10: to help us understand how stress influenced health outcomes, and
Speaker 10: so I came across literature, lay literature like I Said's
Speaker 10: magazine literature written by noted black femail authors, but also
Speaker 10: the research literature suggesting that gender and race were important
Speaker 10: factors and how we measure stress. But what we weren't
Speaker 10: doing was measuring this concept that we now called the
Speaker 10: strong Black woman or the black superwoman, where black women
Speaker 10: appear and we are very much strong. However, there's more
Speaker 10: to it than what meets the eye, and so during
Speaker 10: my dissertation, my advisor allowed me to ask some exploratory
Speaker 10: questions informed by the literature, about things such as perceived
Speaker 10: obligation to be strong. And at that time I was
Speaker 10: really interested in emotional suppression and how emotional suppression. The
Speaker 10: literature was suggesting for broader populations that emotional expression was healthy,
Speaker 10: that it strengthened the immune system protected against the common cold.
Speaker 10: And so if we were suppressing emotions due to perceived
Speaker 10: obligations or related to perceived obligations to be strong, that
Speaker 10: made me concern that it was maybe weakening our immune
Speaker 10: system and weakening our health. My dissertation led me to
Speaker 10: do some qualitative research with black women from various age
Speaker 10: groups and educational backgrounds, and that's where that concept of
Speaker 10: Superwoman's schema became expanded in response to the data that
Speaker 10: we collected to have five characteristics, which is that perceived
Speaker 10: obligation to be strong or to present image of strength,
Speaker 10: as well as perceived obligations to suppress emotions, resistance to
Speaker 10: being vulnerable or receiving help from others. That's the third characteristic,
Speaker 10: motivation to succeed despite limited resources, and we all prioritization
Speaker 10: of caregiving over self care.
Speaker 1: And I think I.
Speaker 10: Listed all five.
Speaker 2: Yes.
Speaker 10: So those five characteristics were derived from the qualitative data
Speaker 10: that was collected, and then a series of studies that
Speaker 10: I conducted and now that many other researchers are conducting,
Speaker 10: confirm that those categories. And now we're showing relationships between
Speaker 10: Superwoman's schema characteristics and health resilience as well as adverse
Speaker 10: health effects.
Speaker 1: So you know that, to Sharyl, my experience with a
Speaker 1: lot of black women is that we do not even
Speaker 1: recognize that we are headed towards a brick wall until
Speaker 1: we are crashed into it. And so I wonder if
Speaker 1: you can offer some suggestions around how people might even
Speaker 1: know that they are struggling with the superwoman syndrome.
Speaker 10: Yeah, I think again. I think that's why it's really
Speaker 10: important for us to have some form of mind body practice.
Speaker 10: It could be mindfulness, it could be yoga, it could
Speaker 10: be other forms of meditation, it could be your spiritual practices,
Speaker 10: because those are the things that help us to slow
Speaker 10: down and recognize that things are off balance. And oftentimes
Speaker 10: you're right. That's when we notice is when we've gone
Speaker 10: too far, where we crash or there's a burnout. I mean,
Speaker 10: I'm not trying to advocate for crashing or burnout, but
Speaker 10: I also want women to know that we have what
Speaker 10: is enthusiasm right about making things better and helping other people.
Speaker 3: And when we.
Speaker 10: Notice that, it's okay to step back and rest and
Speaker 10: let people know that I'm out of the office or
Speaker 10: I'm on vacation, or I'm taking a Facebook fast or
Speaker 10: all the different things that people do. So I think
Speaker 10: the biggest way is to have friends that our accountability partners.
Speaker 10: Others also might benefit from formal therapy, you know, having
Speaker 10: someone that you check in with on a regular basis,
Speaker 10: which can be a proactive way of preventing things from
Speaker 10: getting out of the hand or dealing with things when
Speaker 10: they've gotten too far and then maintaining that. So I
Speaker 10: think having a variety of strategies is important for sure.
Speaker 1: More from our countdown after the break. Okay, now, I
Speaker 1: don't mean to make you hungry. Oh maybe I do.
Speaker 1: But the number four spot on our most listened to
Speaker 1: episodes the list of twenty twenty three is session two
Speaker 1: ninety growing Foods at Home. In this episode, I spoke
Speaker 1: with internationally recognized urban former Jimilla Norman about the rich
Speaker 1: and empowering history of black folks stewarting the land and
Speaker 1: how you can get started with gardening. Here's a snippet
Speaker 1: of our conversation. Something else did you talk about is
Speaker 1: food sovereignty, So can you say a little bit about
Speaker 1: what that means to you and how it impacts us
Speaker 1: as black folks.
Speaker 11: Food sovereignty is really about having control of the food
Speaker 11: that you're consuming, having access to it, and also food
Speaker 11: that's culturally relevant, food that is necessary for your cultural
Speaker 11: expression through food, because food is culture, and just being
Speaker 11: in the position to be part of creating food that
Speaker 11: is feeding your community. Right, you're cultivating that food with
Speaker 11: a certain type of intention of healing of growth, the
Speaker 11: culture of the githerness, and so that is going to
Speaker 11: carry on through the people that are engaging with you,
Speaker 11: that are buying from you, that are all of that.
Speaker 11: And people want to see themselves reflected in the things
Speaker 11: that they're engaged with. If you're going healthy or going
Speaker 11: to the farming table movement or what have you, and
Speaker 11: it all looks like everybody else feel like there's a
Speaker 11: space for you there, or that you should be there,
Speaker 11: or was like that ain't for me, you know, people
Speaker 11: say that that ain't O think, Yeah it is. It's
Speaker 11: actually was I think before it was anybody else's thing.
Speaker 11: I'll be going off on people's stuff. Look here, let's
Speaker 11: talk about history. So it's really important for us to
Speaker 11: get connected. And again, like I said, everybody doesn't have
Speaker 11: to be a farmer, doesn't have to get into farming,
Speaker 11: but being connected to it, engaging with it. Find your
Speaker 11: black farmers, support them. If there's an opportunity to bring
Speaker 11: that to your school or your community or your neighborhood,
Speaker 11: support it in some way and just uplift and highlight
Speaker 11: and just do the work of being connected in some way.
Speaker 1: We have reached the top three of our most listened
Speaker 1: to episodes of the year, and I know you all
Speaker 1: are as curious as I am to know what topics
Speaker 1: resonated the most capturing. The number three spot on our
Speaker 1: list is Session two eighty nine, an astrological preview of
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three. I love that we're able to revisit
Speaker 1: this episode at the end of the year to see
Speaker 1: what the star's got just right enjoying this clip from
Speaker 1: my conversation with astrologer and author Mecca Woods. So, what
Speaker 1: kinds of themes, what kinds of things should we just
Speaker 1: be mindful about for three?
Speaker 6: Yeah, No, I think that's a great question, and it's
Speaker 6: something that I'm still pondering and kind of thinking about
Speaker 6: in terms of what things look like, but so far
Speaker 6: without getting too in the weeds about it. One of
Speaker 6: the planetary shifts that's happening next year is that planet
Speaker 6: Pluto is moving from Capricorn into the sign of Aquarius.
Speaker 6: Right now, Pluto is in astrology, the planet that's associated
Speaker 6: with power and rebirth. So since roughly about two thousand
Speaker 6: and eight, we've had Pluto transiting the sign or moving,
Speaker 6: you know, stations in the sign of Capricorn, and that
Speaker 6: is what we saw in terms of the bank collapsing
Speaker 6: back in two thousand and eight. Up until this point,
Speaker 6: we've seen a lot of greed and corruption and a
Speaker 6: lot of like corporations and governments, you know, just running unchecked.
Speaker 6: You know, like a lot of power kind of running unchecked. Right,
Speaker 6: And that's the dark side or the shadowy side of
Speaker 6: Pluto's job is to show us things that need to
Speaker 6: be changed.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 6: It forces us to really take a hard look at
Speaker 6: the things that are going on so that we can
Speaker 6: actually do something about it. Right, And a lot of
Speaker 6: times the things that Pluto shows us are typically things
Speaker 6: that are ugly, you know, things that aren't so nice.
Speaker 3: And so now.
Speaker 6: Coming up in March of twenty twenty three, Pluto will
Speaker 6: enter Aquarius and stay there for a few months, because
Speaker 6: it will kind of go back and forth between Aquarius
Speaker 6: and Capricorn next year, but it'll officially make it stay
Speaker 6: in Aquarius in early twenty twenty four January twenty twenty four.
Speaker 6: But what this basically means is that, you know, Aquarius
Speaker 6: is a sign that is very group oriented, very collective oriented.
Speaker 6: So if we talked about Pluto and Aquarius, there is
Speaker 6: a very much like a power to the people sentiment
Speaker 6: that comes with that particular placement. But here's the thing
Speaker 6: about that, right. I think when we talk about astrology,
Speaker 6: I always try to stress to people that there's two
Speaker 6: ways that we can use the energy or the tools
Speaker 6: that are available to us. Right, we can do it
Speaker 6: in a way where we are expressing the positive side,
Speaker 6: or we can go down, you know, into the negative side. Right,
Speaker 6: there's a low vibrational side, if you will. But when
Speaker 6: we talk about this Pluto and Aquarius story, like I
Speaker 6: would like to see, I think what we will see
Speaker 6: is like more people organizing and pushing back against the
Speaker 6: corruption and the injustice and the you know, the corporate
Speaker 6: greed that we've been seeing over the past couple of
Speaker 6: years that've just kind of getting worse and worse as
Speaker 6: the days gone. I think that we're going to see
Speaker 6: more people banding together, whether it be trying to form
Speaker 6: unions in their place of work or thinking about how
Speaker 6: they can revamp the legal system, people doing work in
Speaker 6: their own individual way, banding together to create and foster change,
Speaker 6: which is very Pluto and Aquarius. However, right, the downside
Speaker 6: of that is that I do think that we're going
Speaker 6: to have to still keep an eye on that extremism
Speaker 6: that we've been seeing over the past couple of years,
Speaker 6: because one of the things about Aquarius is that it
Speaker 6: can be group oriented in the sense of like, yeah,
Speaker 6: let's work together, let's be a community, let's make things happen,
Speaker 6: but it can also foster the sentiment of let's tear
Speaker 6: it all down, let's burn it all down, that sort
Speaker 6: of extremist, you know, or fundamentalist sort of mentality. And
Speaker 6: so we've already saw a little bit gotten a taste
Speaker 6: of that already over this past year, especially with some
Speaker 6: of the domestic terrorism that's been taking place. So I
Speaker 6: do think that's something that we're going to have to
Speaker 6: continue to watch and be mindful of. But I do
Speaker 6: think that, you know, if we are able to continue
Speaker 6: doing the work that Pluto is calling us to do,
Speaker 6: which is calling out the corruption and the injustice and
Speaker 6: the cruelty and all of the things that we've been seeing,
Speaker 6: I think it will empower us to actually be able
Speaker 6: to make some deep and profound and lasting changes.
Speaker 1: Who I'm going to need a second to process the
Speaker 1: fact that Mecca just accurately predicted the kind of twenty
Speaker 1: twenty three many of us ended up living through. Twenty
Speaker 1: twenty three was most certainly a year for groups coming
Speaker 1: together to enact changed against corruption and injustice. While I
Speaker 1: get my chart in order for twenty twenty four, y'all
Speaker 1: get into this next pick. It's a part of our
Speaker 1: series that has been so much fun to bring to life.
Speaker 1: Our next featured episode was the first release of the
Speaker 1: year year and our second most listened to episode of
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three, Session two eighty eight Setting your intentions
Speaker 1: for travel with Jessica Nabongo, who is the first black
Speaker 1: woman to have traveled to every country in the world.
Speaker 1: Let's roll the clip. If somebody is unfamiliar kind of
Speaker 1: getting started with their you know, bitten by the travel bug,
Speaker 1: how do they decide what kind of trip they want
Speaker 1: to have?
Speaker 9: I mean, I think it's so important to focus on
Speaker 9: your preferences and your desires and what you enjoy doing.
Speaker 9: So if you enjoy the beach, then focused on beach locations.
Speaker 9: If you enjoy city skates, then do that. So I
Speaker 9: think it really has to come from a place of
Speaker 9: what are you most interested in doing and if it's
Speaker 9: like one of your first trips, definitely what you're going
Speaker 9: to feel most comfortable to it.
Speaker 4: That's the most important thing.
Speaker 1: So you encourage people who want to travel more to
Speaker 1: prioritize their travels. Can you say what this looks like
Speaker 1: in a tangible sense?
Speaker 8: Yeah?
Speaker 9: Absolutely. I think what it looks like is, you know,
Speaker 9: if you're preparing for a trip, it's putting money away
Speaker 9: every paycheck in the same way that you would put
Speaker 9: away money for a car, put away money for a house.
Speaker 9: If you really want to start traveling and make it
Speaker 9: a part of your regular life, you have to put
Speaker 9: that money away. So that might mean that you're cutting
Speaker 9: back on other things. Right, So if it's the expensive
Speaker 9: coffee that you're not having any every single day, or
Speaker 9: you know, you're going out with your girlfriends and you
Speaker 9: usually have three drinks, maybe just have one so that
Speaker 9: you can save that money. I think that's important. The
Speaker 9: other thing that I do is I use credit cards
Speaker 9: with travel rewards, so I don't pay cash for anything
Speaker 9: in my life, unless it's like tips or you know,
Speaker 9: they only accept cash. I use my travel cards for
Speaker 9: every single thing because then I get all of those
Speaker 9: points and I'm like any my points, and you know,
Speaker 9: when you're spending at like restaurants, like for example, the
Speaker 9: Chase that fire. If you're spending at restaurants, you get
Speaker 9: I think three or five times of points. If you're
Speaker 9: spending on travel, which includes ubers and everything, then you
Speaker 9: get like it's either three or five times points. And
Speaker 9: so those sorts of things are just great because the
Speaker 9: money that you're spending anyway on groceries on your uber
Speaker 9: turns into free.
Speaker 1: Travel in addition to shopping at the markets. Are there
Speaker 1: other ways when we're traveling abroad that we can make
Speaker 1: sure that we are using our dollars in a way
Speaker 1: that supports the local economy.
Speaker 9: Tip tip tip, tip tip tip. You know, I think
Speaker 9: tip your housekeepers in the hotel, tip your drivers, dorman,
Speaker 9: you know what I mean when you eat, because in
Speaker 9: most countries outside of the US, tipping is not standard,
Speaker 9: especially in restaurants. It's just not standards. So I think,
Speaker 9: just find ways to tip, because that's putting money directly
Speaker 9: in someone's pocket, you know. And I think when it
Speaker 9: comes to travel agencies and tour guides, try to find
Speaker 9: locally owned companies. Especially in a lot of like African
Speaker 9: and Asian countries, you'll find that French people own it.
Speaker 9: Or British people own it, so really try to dig
Speaker 9: a little deeper and find places that are locally owned,
Speaker 9: because that means that money is staying in the country
Speaker 9: versus like you're spending your money and it's going back
Speaker 9: to Paris or London.
Speaker 1: More from our countdown after the break. All right, y'all,
Speaker 1: we have made it to the number one most listened
Speaker 1: to episode of the year, and this episode is all
Speaker 1: about the Benjamins. The fact that this conversation took the
Speaker 1: top spot. Lets me know, y'all clearly said the intention
Speaker 1: of getting to the bag this year, and I hope
Speaker 1: we assisted you with that goal with this conversation. Introducing
Speaker 1: our number one most listened to episode of the year,
Speaker 1: Session two ninety one Getting Good with Money with Tiffany
Speaker 1: the Budgetnista Elitching. So can you give us a crash
Speaker 1: course in these ten components of financial wholeness?
Speaker 12: I sir, kept, you know what, let me go ahead
Speaker 12: and get Good with Money. This is my dad a
Speaker 12: black moment.
Speaker 1: There we go.
Speaker 12: So this is my dear const syally book, Get Good
Speaker 12: with Money, and I wrote it in response to the
Speaker 12: literally tens of thousands of questions I used to get
Speaker 12: every day, and the teacher in me was just like, oh, man,
Speaker 12: like I wish I had like a tool to give
Speaker 12: people when I'm not here. I wanted something like a
Speaker 12: legacy that they can hear my voice and go through
Speaker 12: the lessons without having me to sit next to them
Speaker 12: like I used to when I first started budgeting stuff.
Speaker 9: So first thing is budgeting. You have to get your
Speaker 9: budget under control. That's number one. And each of these
Speaker 9: ten will let.
Speaker 12: You know if you have reached one hundred percent of
Speaker 12: financial hollness. So do you have a budget it is
Speaker 12: it semi automated? Two is saving? Have you mastered saving?
Speaker 12: And is that automated as well? Three is debt. You
Speaker 12: don't have to be debt free, but do you have
Speaker 12: a debt plan in place that is actively working on
Speaker 12: your behalf automated as well, so you'd have to set
Speaker 12: it and semi forget it, so you have a debt
Speaker 12: plan in place that's working for you.
Speaker 3: Four is your credit.
Speaker 12: Ideally you want to have a credit score of seven
Speaker 12: forty or above. Seven forty is the beginning of perfect credit.
Speaker 12: Some of your friends are like, oh, I got a
Speaker 12: eight hundred. It's like that's cute, Sis, We don't need
Speaker 12: all that. Once you have a seven forty, you and
Speaker 12: I can get the same interest.
Speaker 9: Rate, So that's four.
Speaker 12: Five is learning to earn, and so this is critical
Speaker 12: because I think everyone thinks that the key to mastering
Speaker 12: their money, especially for black folks, is to spend less,
Speaker 12: and that's not true. You have to sometimes learn to
Speaker 12: bring more income in. Sometimes that's the solution. So learning
Speaker 12: to earn, whether it's getting a raise at work or
Speaker 12: finding external income from your normal job. Six is investing
Speaker 12: for both retirement and wealth. There's a distinction because when
Speaker 12: you invest for retirement, that is so you can maintain
Speaker 12: your current lifestyle. So look around this how you're going
Speaker 12: to live when you are older, your current lifestyle. Investing
Speaker 12: for wealth, though, allows you to increase your lifestyle and
Speaker 12: to leave a legacy. But retirement comes first, So solidify
Speaker 12: your current lifestyle first.
Speaker 9: Six is getting good with insurance. So many people don't
Speaker 9: understand the power and the purpose of insurance.
Speaker 12: Insurance is there to protect your assets. So when I
Speaker 12: first started working with Angeli, she was like, girl, you
Speaker 12: are in short like you're twenty five.
Speaker 3: It was like, but I look twenty five. She's like,
Speaker 3: but you're not.
Speaker 9: So she was like, you now have this successful business,
Speaker 9: you have properties, and you don't have enough insurance to
Speaker 9: protect your assets in case one something happens to you
Speaker 9: or two something happens on your properties, and so I
Speaker 9: have to increase my insurance. So understanding and having enough insurance.
Speaker 9: Seven is net worth.
Speaker 12: So your net worth is just what you own minus
Speaker 12: what you owe, and you want to have a positive networth.
Speaker 9: You want to own more than you own.
Speaker 12: You do this by increasing your assets and decreasing your liabilities.
Speaker 12: Eight is your financial team.
Speaker 9: Money is a team sport. You should not be out
Speaker 9: here doing it alone. At the very least, you should
Speaker 9: have an accountability partner. It could be your work hubby,
Speaker 9: it could be your best to, your cousin, your mom,
Speaker 9: or your dad, someone that you're connected with that wants
Speaker 9: to see you win and you want to see them
Speaker 9: win as well. And less, but not least. Ten is
Speaker 9: a state planning. So this is really important, especially for
Speaker 9: us as a black community, because so many of us
Speaker 9: don't have the estate in place. That is something should
Speaker 9: happen to us, and you know, I'll see you on
Speaker 9: Wealth ISLANDSS. It's cute over here.
Speaker 1: Again. Thank you to our incredible guests and our community
Speaker 1: members who lent their voices to the Therapy for Black
Speaker 1: Girls podcast this year. I want to thank you all
Speaker 1: so much for your support and for making this an
Speaker 1: unforgettable year for the podcast. You may have noticed that
Speaker 1: a significant portion of our top ten this year came
Speaker 1: from our January Jumpstar series. Well, I'm excited to announce
Speaker 1: that we will be continuing the series for the third
Speaker 1: year in twenty twenty four, so stay tuned for even
Speaker 1: more amazing insights. To stay connected with us at Therapy
Speaker 1: for Black Girls, be sure to visit the website at
Speaker 1: Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. If you're looking for a
Speaker 1: therapist in your area, be sure to visit our therapist
Speaker 1: directory at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory. And
Speaker 1: if you want to continue this conversation or just be
Speaker 1: in community with other sisters, come on over and join
Speaker 1: us in the Sister Circle. It's our cozy corner of
Speaker 1: the Internet designed just for black women. You can join
Speaker 1: us at community dot Therapy for Black Girls dot com.
Speaker 1: This episode was produced by Frida Lucas, Elise Ellis, and
Speaker 1: Zarius Taylor. Editing was done by Dennison Bradford. Thank y'all
Speaker 1: so much for joining me again this week. I look
Speaker 1: forward to continuing this conversation with you all real soon.
Speaker 1: Take good care.
Speaker 4: What's