Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We.
Speaker 2: Find the Anti Slutshamings podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm Christina Hutchinson. I'm Karen Fifer and I'm so friends.
Speaker 1: Bring us to sludy, your horny and your shame.
Speaker 2: Hey you as what? Yes?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 2: Greetings fuckers. How you doing where you've been? Make sure
Speaker 2: you get hydrated. Welcome to another episode of Guys We Fucked.
Speaker 2: It's the anti slut chaming podcast. I'm Karen Fisher, I'm
Speaker 2: Christina Hutchinson. Welcome to the show. You got a problem you?
Speaker 1: What emails about us is sorry about last.
Speaker 2: Night's show at gmail dot com. Today's subject line the
Speaker 2: thirty year old virgin parentheses mail. Hey, Kurt and Christina,
Speaker 2: I've been listening to y'all from the beginning of this year.
Speaker 2: I really appreciate what you guys do, and I absolutely
Speaker 2: love the pod. I do apologize in advance. This may
Speaker 2: be a long email, but I tried to cut out
Speaker 2: as much extraneous detail as possible. I'm a thirty year
Speaker 2: old male and I'm a complete virgin.
Speaker 1: No mouth stuff is he means by complete?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Or like over the pants?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: I love mouth stuff.
Speaker 2: I have a fairly decent upbringing, I've had a fairly
Speaker 2: decent upbringing, but nearly for nearly twenty five years, I
Speaker 2: was part of a conservative Eastern slash spiritual, low key cult,
Speaker 2: not a bunker type cult. My family came into the
Speaker 2: cult pretty early on in my childhood, and its shaped
Speaker 2: who I am as a person. It gave me a
Speaker 2: sense of self and gave me purpose. Oh that's great
Speaker 2: to come out of a cult like that.
Speaker 1: Cults always have a long to do list. No, that's
Speaker 1: that's nice. I respect that about cults.
Speaker 2: A few years ago I had come to deal with
Speaker 2: some facts regarding the cults, and that made me question everything.
Speaker 2: Beginning of last year, I became engaged as part of
Speaker 2: an arranged marriage orchestrated by the cult leader.
Speaker 1: Okay, see that's where the cults go wrong.
Speaker 2: That's not a good cult now, But I thankfully got
Speaker 2: the balls to break it off end of the last
Speaker 2: year and I've fully exited myself from the cultult tree.
Speaker 2: I'm glad we don't have to help you get out
Speaker 2: of the cult, and you already did that yourself.
Speaker 1: That's right, was like, okay, that's that was the hard work.
Speaker 2: Since then, I've been going to a lot of therapy,
Speaker 2: trying to better my mental physical health and fine purpose
Speaker 2: in life w IP work in progress for you, and
Speaker 2: cultural pressure and my own low self esteem. I have
Speaker 2: never gotten the chance to be intimate with women, even
Speaker 2: the person I was engaged to. I haven't even kissed
Speaker 2: anyone yet. Okay, so yes, you're a corrector, you are
Speaker 2: a complete version. I haven't kissed anyone yet. Can you
Speaker 2: imagine kissing a thirty year old who has never kissed?
Speaker 2: That sounds awesome, Okay.
Speaker 4: Because it's like, how romantic I'm teaching you how to
Speaker 4: kiss in my thirty Oh, that's that's pedophilic. A pedophile
Speaker 4: for fucking dating people in their mid twenties.
Speaker 2: It's pedophilic in terms of the experience level. But that's
Speaker 2: not pedophilic. Really, they're just like, imagine how bad they're.
Speaker 5: Not pedophilic in like like in practice.
Speaker 2: Obviously, it's not that I'm just a child. It's the
Speaker 2: teaching aspect of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've just never taught a guy anything.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 1: I'm sure you have unknowingly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they wouldn't admit it, though, maybe, Yeah, I will
Speaker 2: say I'm super grateful I didn't turn out to be
Speaker 2: an inceel or some red pill bro because podcasts like
Speaker 2: Guys We Fucked allowed me to vicariously understand relationships, women, intimacy,
Speaker 2: et cetera.
Speaker 1: So thank you guys for the service.
Speaker 2: And thank god a cult leader didn't find you listening
Speaker 2: to this, because you would have probably been a choky
Speaker 2: or something. Yeah, the freaking chokey. Oh the trench bull
Speaker 2: gonna get you. I do want to start casually dating
Speaker 2: women my age are older.
Speaker 1: Even this guy literally never dated before. He's like, let's
Speaker 1: keep a casual, just dive right in.
Speaker 2: Boy.
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm sorry. You can dive into a cult, but
Speaker 1: you can't commit to a woman given dating. God, you
Speaker 1: literally were in a cult.
Speaker 2: Let's keep a cash having one night stance, hookups, et cetera.
Speaker 2: Oh oh, you're such a broke kidd Oh basically catch
Speaker 2: up on all this things I missed in life. Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: I get it, get that d wet, Get that d wet, boy,
Speaker 2: get that d wet.
Speaker 1: But my lack of.
Speaker 2: Experience would be abundantly clear, and there's no easy way
Speaker 2: to explain how I could be a version at this
Speaker 2: ripe old age.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you have a cool story.
Speaker 2: Do you understand you have something that sets you apart
Speaker 2: from most straight guys, an interesting background, and you can
Speaker 2: use that to your advantage by when the time is
Speaker 2: right to share that with a woman. Don't do it
Speaker 2: on date one. Don't trauma dump. That's called trauma dumping.
Speaker 2: Wait until you get to know her. But like, what
Speaker 2: a cool kind of sexy story.
Speaker 1: Oh this is so hot.
Speaker 2: Like one of my favorite first dates was a guy
Speaker 2: had me feel his back and I was it was
Speaker 2: like really bumpy, and he was like, yeah, that's shrapnel
Speaker 2: that's in my flesh from when I served in the
Speaker 2: Israeli Army.
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, this is a success. God,
Speaker 1: damn this too. Thanks for telling me. Thanks for telling
Speaker 1: me that. Oh jeez, that's fun.
Speaker 2: It's definitely too heavy a top to bring up on
Speaker 2: a first date, correct, But second we're good and I
Speaker 2: don't want a trauma dump up.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I love you, but I feel it
Speaker 1: should be addressed at some point.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll say he's just not talking to you one
Speaker 2: night and then you're like, what is it. It's like,
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I was thinking about that time that I
Speaker 2: was in a cult for twenty five years. Fuck with that.
Speaker 2: So I guess my question is what should I do?
Speaker 2: How should I explain my lack of experience? Should I
Speaker 2: not say anything? I don't want to creep women out
Speaker 2: with my weird background?
Speaker 1: No love shit, Like, are you kidding me? Rich's story? Baby?
Speaker 1: Let me show you how to love? Yeah, dude.
Speaker 2: Also, you need to look up so just for an example,
Speaker 2: like you know how like women love to write letters
Speaker 2: to guys in prison. Look up this story of Damian
Speaker 2: Eccles okay and the West Memphis three. Okay, this guy
Speaker 2: literally was in prison for child's murder and fucking he
Speaker 2: didn't do it, but that's why he was convicted, you know,
Speaker 2: convicted of and he was on death row. And someone
Speaker 2: a woman lur now ecchos. She just said, I don't
Speaker 2: want to be an architect anymore. I want to get
Speaker 2: this guy out of prison, and then committed the rest
Speaker 2: of her life to it. Okay, So this is the
Speaker 2: story that women will give up their career and architecture for.
Speaker 1: Okay, you're you're golden. Yeah, and you're not drowning, you're
Speaker 1: not even in jail. You're not even in jail.
Speaker 2: You're not even fun to go on a podcast and
Speaker 2: be a guest and then wait, watch your DM's flood honestly, yeah,
Speaker 2: or give us your handle and we'll promo it.
Speaker 1: But I also feel I wouldn't be able to hide
Speaker 1: something so obvious. Correct, that's a big part of you.
Speaker 1: Should I hire a sex worker and get it over with?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I would appreciate your advice on my precarious situation much
Speaker 2: love your fan from Canada.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's necessary, no, because that story is
Speaker 1: a pussy weather. The story is a pussywater.
Speaker 2: Because it's like, it's not like you didn't fuck because
Speaker 2: you're like a dork or you not that you're a
Speaker 2: dork if you didn't fuck with me a little bit,
Speaker 2: but like the reason why you didn't have sex is
Speaker 2: not because you couldn't, it's because you were in a cult.
Speaker 2: So I think like the sex worker is more like
Speaker 2: if you have like severe social anxiety or something like that,
Speaker 2: and it seems like you're just like inexperienced, and I
Speaker 2: think just a non pro will be absolutely more than
Speaker 2: enthusiastic to take your virginity. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, And
Speaker 2: I'm imagining I'm imagining going on a date with you
Speaker 2: and having a great time, and then the second date
Speaker 2: is when you drop that cult shit. And I can
Speaker 2: see myself being so impressed that you didn't drop it
Speaker 2: on the first date because the restraints.
Speaker 1: Good job.
Speaker 2: I like Christine is impressed when you just merely drop
Speaker 2: it on the second date. Yeah, I was thinking, start, okay, Yeah, see,
Speaker 2: I'm still a trauma dumper a little bit. But you
Speaker 2: have a good head on your shoulders in terms of
Speaker 2: like what's appropriate and inappropriate to kind of disclose. So
Speaker 2: I trust that you'll probably ace this date if you
Speaker 2: have chemistry with the woman, which is you know, hit
Speaker 2: or miss.
Speaker 1: If you don't, it's neither of your faults.
Speaker 2: But uh, yeah, I could see you're gonna be a
Speaker 2: hot modity on that dating scene.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you just what I feel like.
Speaker 2: Also like for the because like the kissing to me
Speaker 2: is actually I'm more worried about the kiss than the
Speaker 2: sex because you've never kissed anyone, like literally, like watch
Speaker 2: some YouTube videos or something. I was making friend too,
Speaker 2: but then I was like, eh, it'll be so much
Speaker 2: more magical if it's someone he really has feelings for,
Speaker 2: Like you've gone this long without kissing, why don't you
Speaker 2: just treat yourself? I mean, I when I was a
Speaker 2: teenager fucking eleven. I will practice with my hand because
Speaker 2: that's kind of close to a mouth if you put
Speaker 2: it like a hampuppet. You literally can watch YouTube videos.
Speaker 2: There's so much you can learn on the internet now
Speaker 2: from from like kissing and like literally like like is
Speaker 2: there can we look if there's like a YouTube kissing
Speaker 2: tutorial and like not porn kissing, like actual kissing, because
Speaker 2: my I think if you have never kissed before, you're
Speaker 2: the two mistakes you're gonna most likely make is number
Speaker 2: one not opening your mouth enough and like hitting yea
Speaker 2: and not too much tongue or too is too much tongue,
Speaker 2: too much to don't do too much exactremely bad. My
Speaker 2: first kiss way too in the with my bad I
Speaker 2: was in ninth grade. My way too much tongue and
Speaker 2: then I was drooling in the woods. Right, Well, you
Speaker 2: had oh no, you had just gotten your braces off.
Speaker 2: No I have you gotcha? So you had bracist So
Speaker 2: that's difficult. I'm guessing this guy doesn't have braces. But slow, yeah, slow,
Speaker 2: but not so slow that it's scary because it's just
Speaker 2: a first kiss.
Speaker 1: It doesn't need to be like.
Speaker 2: If it's overly romantic the woman making up.
Speaker 6: That's true.
Speaker 2: That's true, like a medium level.
Speaker 1: It sounds harder than it is.
Speaker 2: A lot of times you can just follow someone's lead
Speaker 2: because like, you're gonna be kissing someone who, like I'm guessing,
Speaker 2: unless they were also magically in a cult, in which
Speaker 2: case it's kiss met you has already kissed before. Oh
Speaker 2: my god, there's someone who says had to practice kissing
Speaker 2: at home. We're literally looking up videos for you on YouTube, right,
Speaker 2: So if you do YouTube shorts, there's a lot of Oh,
Speaker 2: these are goal for all the types of Oh god,
Speaker 2: the fucking eskimo nos thing, that's dumb. Yeah, I didn't
Speaker 2: even think we were allowed to say eskimo anymore.
Speaker 1: Oh shoot, are we not? My apologies because right gun, you're.
Speaker 2: Talking about a specific you know person, right, okay, so
Speaker 2: the rubbing of the nose is my apologies. I just
Speaker 2: certainly don't want to fucking throw more bullshit of indigenous
Speaker 2: people than they already get. How to practice kissing techniques,
Speaker 2: kissing tips. See all right, all right, son, all right,
Speaker 2: I'm trying to kiss here.
Speaker 1: The last thing I want is Pepperoni pizza. No one
Speaker 1: out pizza is the hut.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then and and also like feel confident, like
Speaker 2: make sure like if you go out to dinner and stuff,
Speaker 2: you're eating something that's easy on the digestive system. My
Speaker 2: favorite first seat is meal a sushi really hard to
Speaker 2: make a mess of it. It's not going to give
Speaker 2: you indigestion. It is fish, but doesn't make your mouth
Speaker 2: smell bad. So this woman recommends trying the kissing the
Speaker 2: frosting on a cupcake. The cupcake frosting is very similar
Speaker 2: to the mouth of your potential kissing.
Speaker 1: Who I could see that? Okay, yeah, because it's delicate,
Speaker 1: respect the integrity of the cupcakes frosting.
Speaker 2: Oh right, So okay, So what she's saying is you
Speaker 2: wouldn't like like eat a cupcake frosting with like the
Speaker 2: verocity of like the terrible type of tongue kissing we're
Speaker 2: talking about, right, So if you could kind of suavely
Speaker 2: lick a cupcake frosting, right, and you can't even watch
Speaker 2: like in morom comes like obviously like a lot of
Speaker 2: times they're not actually deep tongue kissing, but you can
Speaker 2: see you know how to hold the face, what to do,
Speaker 2: because that's another thing. It's just like where to put
Speaker 2: your hands. I love when a guy puts his hands
Speaker 2: on the side of your face.
Speaker 1: I kind of do I do that to men too.
Speaker 1: I hold face. I love holding putting your hand, Oh,
Speaker 1: putting your hand like right on their jaw.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I need to because I'm so short, I need
Speaker 2: something to balance myself up yourself right?
Speaker 6: Yeah? He up there?
Speaker 1: Hell up there? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I think first kiss does no tongue in the first kiss, right,
Speaker 2: definitely a tongue.
Speaker 1: Who's kissing at thirty without tongue? Really?
Speaker 6: Yes?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you gotta that, you gotta kiss with. It's like, literally, if.
Speaker 2: Someone kissed me without tongue at this point, I would
Speaker 2: be like, are you.
Speaker 1: In a cult for twenty five years?
Speaker 5: Go on, okay, or do you think that as a man,
Speaker 5: you think that person's like trying to get away from you?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it doesn't have to be an insane amount of tongue,
Speaker 2: but there needs.
Speaker 1: To be a little tongue.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, Yeah, I watch wrong comes and that's making
Speaker 2: this is making me want to kiss.
Speaker 1: And it makes you feels right. I love holding ahead
Speaker 1: and kissing it.
Speaker 5: It makes you feel me better. There are plenty of
Speaker 5: thirty year olds who also can't kiss. It's amazing, really absolutely.
Speaker 1: Oh, Mike chiming in with us some notes for the ladies.
Speaker 5: Every I'm not everyone, but I've definitely gone on dates
Speaker 5: and had like like first kisses with women where I've
Speaker 5: just been like, that was not good, that was bad?
Speaker 1: What were they doing? Can we have some notes?
Speaker 5: Some people either do like too much with the tongue,
Speaker 5: like some people don't open their mouths at all, just
Speaker 5: kind of again, which is kind of just like all right, Yeah,
Speaker 5: I feel like I'm like almost forcing myself.
Speaker 1: The only time I ever did that was when I
Speaker 1: didn't want the person to kiss me.
Speaker 5: That's what I'm saying, right, So it's like, but there's
Speaker 5: been times where I've done that.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't want to kiss, I just have suck.
Speaker 2: I had to gross myself because that's like very true.
Speaker 2: No kissing, okay something there's something less gross about fucking
Speaker 2: someone than kissing someone.
Speaker 1: If you don't want to be there. I totally get it,
Speaker 1: and I don't know what it is.
Speaker 2: That's why Julia robertson Pretty Woman the Roly rule is
Speaker 2: That's why. Yeah, exactly, sex workers a lot of times,
Speaker 2: do you know, kissing? Yeah, because it's so intimate and
Speaker 2: it's like mouth on mouth. Okay, sorry, Michael, tongue and tongue.
Speaker 2: We're doing some therapy over here.
Speaker 5: No, it's just that I think that a lot of
Speaker 5: the bad kisses that I've had with women around this
Speaker 5: my age now have been like like you, when you
Speaker 5: kiss somebody and their mouth is completely closed, you think
Speaker 5: that they're trying to get away from you. But the
Speaker 5: issue is when you go out again and then you
Speaker 5: kiss again and they do the same thing, like, oh,
Speaker 5: that's just.
Speaker 1: Your style, and you're kind of just like, yeah, it's hard.
Speaker 2: It's hard to master the art of a a good
Speaker 2: toned critique on a kiss. Yeah, right, but you just
Speaker 2: hope they start one one person starts following the other
Speaker 2: and like it because like the first time you.
Speaker 1: Get like you kiss, if it or the first couple
Speaker 1: of times, like if it's.
Speaker 2: Awkward and the teeth clink once or twice, that's normal
Speaker 2: because you're getting you're feeling out each other's like mouths,
Speaker 2: like people have different sized teeth. But like if you're
Speaker 2: constantly like hitting each other, yeah, you can't probably no clanking.
Speaker 2: This isn't This isn't a pottery store. Yeah, good luck
Speaker 2: and I'm happy. I'm excited for you. And yeah, definitely
Speaker 2: melt that story when it's time. Yeah, and like yeah,
Speaker 2: so in you know, in conclusion, we don't think you
Speaker 2: need to hire a sex worker. Not against it, I
Speaker 2: just don't think. I think it's like this just in
Speaker 2: your situation, like you could just have a like organic time.
Speaker 1: Yeah you don't have, like it would be more meaningful
Speaker 1: for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I would say if you have PTSD triggers
Speaker 2: with some sexual like you know, traumatic stuff, but you don't.
Speaker 1: So it's just the cult stuff.
Speaker 6: Yay, just the cult stuff.
Speaker 2: The ambulance come in to take me away and give
Speaker 2: you a kiss because the side you stopped my heart.
Speaker 2: That's from night at the Roxberry. Thank you, thank you
Speaker 2: so much. I was like, ooh, Career Romita, No, I
Speaker 2: love that movie.
Speaker 1: It's so funny.
Speaker 2: And come see us live you guys, New Brunswick, New Jersey,
Speaker 2: January fourth through sixth. I'm headlining the Stress Factory And
Speaker 2: as always, I have a Patreon where four times a
Speaker 2: month you can do a zoom with me and it's
Speaker 2: called group Share a Pee and we just say whatever
Speaker 2: is on our mind. And the audio of that gets
Speaker 2: uploaded every week to the Patreons. You kind of listen
Speaker 2: as a private therapeutic podcast starring you and me. Patreon
Speaker 2: dot com slash Christina Hutchinson is where you sign up
Speaker 2: and the voices in our heads are solo podcasts. It
Speaker 2: comes out every single Monday on Mikey Big Don Dicky
Speaker 2: Coscarelli's podcast network Slickback Studios. We're about ten episodes into
Speaker 2: the newest resurgence of the show, so listen wherever.
Speaker 1: You get you podcasts.
Speaker 2: And for me Iago Illinois, you can see me for
Speaker 2: four shows headlining Zany's Chicago. That's December fifteenth and sixteenth.
Speaker 2: I'll be there with my girl Chloe La Branch, who
Speaker 2: a lot of you know and love, and also Eric
Speaker 2: Freddie Chicago Superstar, will be hosting the shows. And then
Speaker 2: Oh New Year's Eve, New Year's Eve at New York
Speaker 2: Comedy Club East Village, six pm.
Speaker 1: That's December thirty first.
Speaker 2: If you don't know what New Year's Eve is, my
Speaker 2: morbid New Year's Eve returns. It was so oh my god,
Speaker 2: it was so fun last year. Christina Hutchinson will be there.
Speaker 2: Ryan Long has signed on and John Campanelli has signed
Speaker 2: on and we're continuing to add people to that lineup.
Speaker 1: It's very hard because.
Speaker 2: Everyone thinks something magical it's going to happen on New
Speaker 2: Year's Eve, but nothing magical will happen on New Year's Eve.
Speaker 1: So just get those tickets.
Speaker 2: The magical thing is going to be your joy experiencing
Speaker 2: the same up showy every year. I have to have
Speaker 2: a talk with myself that I have to book a
Speaker 2: show on New Year's because I always think the doors
Speaker 2: will open, glitter will come down, butterflies will fly in,
Speaker 2: and someone will be like, Krin, I've been waiting too
Speaker 2: long to tell you this. You have the love of
Speaker 2: my life and it's never happened and it never will happen.
Speaker 2: And so I just need to do a show, all right.
Speaker 2: I just need to do Kurn, Just do a.
Speaker 1: Show, Churin, it won't happen, attitude, do a show instead.
Speaker 2: Of manically texting Amelio Savone on December thirtieth being like, and.
Speaker 1: I know you have me to perform, can I actually perform?
Speaker 1: And he's so good to me. He always goes Kara.
Speaker 1: I've been waiting for this message. Oh that's nice. I've
Speaker 1: been waiting for this message.
Speaker 2: You crazy bitch, oh Amelia, And then all right, what
Speaker 2: else are we doing? Without a Country podcast?
Speaker 1: You can listen to it.
Speaker 2: It comes out Wednesday nights on YouTube and everywhere you
Speaker 2: listen to podcasts. Uh, We've been doing a lot of
Speaker 2: cool stuff on this podcast. Something I'm really proud of
Speaker 2: is like two weeks ago and I forgot to plug
Speaker 2: it on this show is there was this story that
Speaker 2: broke about a Alabama mayor, Mayor Bubba Copeland, and he
Speaker 2: unfortunately took his own life because of some things that
Speaker 2: were like he was some things were surfaced about him
Speaker 2: that were published in a local newspaper eighteen nineteen news
Speaker 2: that he didn't want to come out, and so a
Speaker 2: lot of left wing publications kind of blamed the reporter
Speaker 2: who broke this story, whose name is Craig Monger, with
Speaker 2: his untimely demise, and it seemed like very like black
Speaker 2: and white.
Speaker 1: And what I've learned from doing Without a Country is
Speaker 1: nothing is.
Speaker 2: Really that black and white, because it black, and like
Speaker 2: the gray area isn't enticing. It doesn't it doesn't get clicks,
Speaker 2: it doesn't sell news, right, so it has to be
Speaker 2: extremes extreme black, extreme white. So I started looking into
Speaker 2: the story a lot more, and I feel like there's
Speaker 2: a lot more to this story than meets the eye. Anyway,
Speaker 2: this reporter was getting vilified a lot, and so I
Speaker 2: spent a couple of weeks with the help of Mike Carrington,
Speaker 2: who is not this mic, that's a different mic. I know,
Speaker 2: it's confusing because both the producers are named Mike. And
Speaker 2: we finally got an interview and I sat down for
Speaker 2: an hour with this reporter, Craig Monger, and we had
Speaker 2: a really, really great conversation, and we have extremely different
Speaker 2: viewpoints about life socially politically, but we were able to
Speaker 2: have a really even killed conversation and I think it's
Speaker 2: a great watch. So please check that out on YouTube.
Speaker 2: It'll say interview with Craig Monger. Familiarize with yourself with
Speaker 2: the story, but it's a really quick read to just
Speaker 2: mayor Bubba Copeland story. It went pretty viral for a while,
Speaker 2: the Bubba Copeland story. And then I also, I don't
Speaker 2: know if you saw on TikTok, but Osama bin Laden's
Speaker 2: letter to America had gone viral a couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 2: and so I actually also read that in a recent
Speaker 2: episode and I think it's interesting because pieces of it
Speaker 2: were going viral, right, and it was kind of opening
Speaker 2: people's eyes or some people's eyes, who weren't, you know,
Speaker 2: of age during nine to eleven, that perhaps America did
Speaker 2: something to promote nine to eleven. And you can't even
Speaker 2: like mention Osama bin Lan's letter to America on Instagram.
Speaker 2: Now you will get like you'll get blocked. And it
Speaker 2: happened to me for a second, so I had to
Speaker 2: like get out of Instagram jail. But it was like,
Speaker 2: you know, people were worried it that was like radicalizing
Speaker 2: the youth. And I go, there's no way. If I
Speaker 2: read the entire article Letter to America, then I'm going
Speaker 2: to be on Osama bin Laden's side. And while he
Speaker 2: does make some great anti capitalistic points up to the
Speaker 2: top in the letter, overall, if you read that whole
Speaker 2: thing and you go, yeah, I'm on his side, please
Speaker 2: see a therapist because it's extremely like misogynistic, homophobic, all
Speaker 2: these things. Anyway, So we go through that whole thing,
Speaker 2: and it really reminds you how important it is to
Speaker 2: read the totality of something, not just make a decision
Speaker 2: based on an excerpt. So we talk about that really
Speaker 2: really interesting. I love that very much, and uh yeah,
Speaker 2: and that's it. And then also Washington, d C headlining
Speaker 2: DC Comedy Loft February twenty ninth through March second, So
Speaker 2: get those tickets via the link tree link.
Speaker 1: And all my bios. Cool man, check out your podcast
Speaker 1: without a Country. We're just laughing because we had a
Speaker 1: break in between the first part our composition. Chris. You know,
Speaker 1: it's like, let me handle the transition.
Speaker 2: Yeah, wow, yeah, that's a crazy episode of Waco. Okay,
Speaker 2: so something but one of the coolest things in my
Speaker 2: life happened to me the other Oh yes, yes, yeah,
Speaker 2: And there is a point that I wanted to share
Speaker 2: that kind of related to two guys we fucked and
Speaker 2: about specifically women in the world, in the working world. So,
Speaker 2: as you know or may not know, I'm a big
Speaker 2: Beyonce fan. I just trimmed my Christmas tree yesterday. It
Speaker 2: has the angel is Beyonce on top of my tree.
Speaker 2: It's been like that five years. Got Beyonce tattoo see
Speaker 2: your shows like big, big, big fan. And I was
Speaker 2: very delighted to discover that I was feature. My face
Speaker 2: was featured for a good solid four seconds. It's a
Speaker 2: great shot at the first within the first fifteen minutes
Speaker 2: of the Renaissance Tour film, a film by Beyonce, and
Speaker 2: that really I mean I got the DM actually when
Speaker 2: I was sitting on this couch before we recorded, and
Speaker 2: I couldn't think straight.
Speaker 1: I was like this, there's no way. So I saw
Speaker 1: the I saw the film with Donna.
Speaker 2: We were in it the first fifteen minutes, in between
Speaker 2: her thinking her mother and her father, and I was like, damn,
Speaker 2: that's what placement.
Speaker 6: Huh.
Speaker 1: And Beyonce rarely does interviews.
Speaker 2: She had a documentary out on HBO, a docuseries kind
Speaker 2: of thing. It was like, it was very short, and
Speaker 2: then I remember trying to look that up because I
Speaker 2: used to watch it, you know, when it came out.
Speaker 1: Life is But a Dream I think it's called.
Speaker 2: But then HBO took it off, and I'm probably like, yeah,
Speaker 2: Beyonce probably made them take it off, and.
Speaker 1: I can see why, yeah, oh yeah, I don't.
Speaker 2: I think it was when I saw that I understood
Speaker 2: why she doesn't do interviews. Not anything negative against her,
Speaker 2: it just she has created an allure that when you
Speaker 2: do a human interview with this person, any piece of
Speaker 2: that no matter how impressive you are on the interview,
Speaker 2: it ruins the allure. Yes, but like a sit down
Speaker 2: interview for sure, for sure. But I loved that docuseries
Speaker 2: because I'm a big fan. And then yeah, they took
Speaker 2: it away. So in the film, in the Renaissance film,
Speaker 2: there's it's a mixture of the live show, a filmed
Speaker 2: version of her concert, which is incredible to four years
Speaker 2: to make, and there's a lot of behind the scenes.
Speaker 2: There's like little tiny storylines that pop up every couple
Speaker 2: of songs that she'll go into a facet of her
Speaker 2: life and how it translated during this tour. And it
Speaker 2: was so interesting because again we would just really hear
Speaker 2: from her in that way. But what really struck me,
Speaker 2: and this was in the other documentary that got taken
Speaker 2: down from HBO. This woman Beyonce's career has spanned twenty
Speaker 2: seven years. That's insane, Okay. The amount of reinventing herself
Speaker 2: that she has done is just incredible. Every time she
Speaker 2: puts out an album, or she does a tour, or
Speaker 2: she does like a thing like Beachella Coachella, she just
Speaker 2: fucking does something completely fresh and completely new.
Speaker 1: And then I'm always really impressed.
Speaker 2: By and to me, I have this kind of illusion
Speaker 2: that she works with the top people, which I'm sure
Speaker 2: she still does.
Speaker 1: But the thing that I was so kind of taken
Speaker 1: aback by.
Speaker 2: Was she had similar conversations with people that were behind
Speaker 2: the scenes in her tour that she had in this
Speaker 2: other documentary that we all have in our day to day,
Speaker 2: especially if you're creative professionally or if you just if
Speaker 2: you work on a team for anything. But she's there
Speaker 2: is a lot of moments in this dock where she's like,
Speaker 2: why do I have to repeat myself? I already told
Speaker 2: you this, This is not what we discussed. We discussed it,
Speaker 2: you said, okay, and now this isn't what it is
Speaker 2: like she had and she gets so frustrated, and I'm like.
Speaker 1: Damn, Beyonce still gets frustrated.
Speaker 2: And there was a moment where she says, She's like,
Speaker 2: I think you know, a lot of it is the
Speaker 2: male dominated industry, but a lot of the people that
Speaker 2: are involved tech wise in my tour, she really makes
Speaker 2: an efforts to hire dancers and performers that are of
Speaker 2: all types of backgrounds, all sexualities, all all colors, all
Speaker 2: all everything, all body types.
Speaker 1: Like the way the house inclusive she is in her
Speaker 1: tour is beautiful.
Speaker 2: Because she does take the time to find someone great
Speaker 2: in all these underrepresented groups, and she finds a lot
Speaker 2: of people from Instagram. She's like, Yeah, your fucking dance
Speaker 2: moves were hot. I didn't need to see another thing
Speaker 2: after I saw that one. She just hired this one
Speaker 2: woman off this on the spot.
Speaker 1: That's incredible, incredible, and.
Speaker 2: It's it's she said, She's like, as a woman in
Speaker 2: my business, as a black woman in my business, I
Speaker 2: find that people still talk to me like they think
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna give up on what I'm demanding from them,
Speaker 2: like the creative bar that I'm demanding from everybody.
Speaker 1: They just think that I'm gonna let go.
Speaker 2: And then there's this great moment in the dock where
Speaker 2: she was like and then I see it in their
Speaker 2: eyes where this moment of years after years after going no,
Speaker 2: it has to be like this where I see it
Speaker 2: where they're like, this.
Speaker 1: Bitch won't give it up. Yeah, And so then they
Speaker 1: finally go, all right, fine, We'll do it your way.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, Beyonce has to deal with that and
Speaker 2: you have to wear people down, Yeah, wild Wild.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I did not. I was surprised by that. I
Speaker 1: was very surprised by that.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know everyone's phoning it in really so.
Speaker 1: But even when you work for Beyonce, yeah, because this
Speaker 1: wild maybe it doesn't mean they so much. They don't care.
Speaker 1: It's just another performer.
Speaker 2: That's you know, it's like for them, it's like they're
Speaker 2: getting star after star, like it's you know, just a job.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you would see, like.
Speaker 2: The dancers, how passionate the dancers were, and her dancers
Speaker 2: on her tour.
Speaker 1: Sure, when we saw them live, I'm like, God damn it, these.
Speaker 2: Were incredible dancers and then you got a little bit
Speaker 2: of their backstory and it was great.
Speaker 1: But I'm like, if you're doing prior techics for Beyonce,
Speaker 1: what the fuck do what she says?
Speaker 2: I think it's different though, because it's like, you know,
Speaker 2: we live in this world where weere like where everyone
Speaker 2: has to wants to get credit for the thing they're doing,
Speaker 2: so right, like, it makes sense for dancers would work
Speaker 2: hard because we can see who they are with our eyes.
Speaker 2: We're never gonna know the guy who does unless you're
Speaker 2: like a super super fan, like like I follow the
Speaker 2: guy who does like stage design for the Spice Girls
Speaker 2: on Instagram, but like not a lot of like you know,
Speaker 2: that's like a mental illness that I have. So you know,
Speaker 2: we're never gonna see the face of the guy who
Speaker 2: does pyrotechnics for Beyonce most likely. And when they have
Speaker 2: like that ability to kind of distance themselves from their work,
Speaker 2: they go, oh, I'm not gonna.
Speaker 1: I don't I don't need to do it though, right
Speaker 1: that much? Yeah, yeah, I was just I was very surprised.
Speaker 2: And I always enjoy watching her specifically give constructive, very
Speaker 2: critical feedback to the creatives that she works with.
Speaker 1: I really what I am not.
Speaker 2: I have not been able to achieve that type of
Speaker 2: tone if I'm delivering a criticism, because there's this part
Speaker 2: it's and I think it's rooted in some it's self
Speaker 2: worth issue for sure, because when you feel comfortable giving
Speaker 2: people criticisms, it's it's okay, like it like when you
Speaker 2: have a bit of a self worth issue, you're like,
Speaker 2: it comes out wrong, it comes out too harsh. And
Speaker 2: so it's always been really yeah, really nice too to
Speaker 2: witness how she behaves in the tone that she takes
Speaker 2: when she gives people criticism because it's just I know,
Speaker 2: the word boss bitch gets thrown around a lot, but goddamn,
Speaker 2: I don't know many people at Victoria Beckham's like that,
Speaker 2: that's a boss bitch.
Speaker 1: She runs SHITTI she runs shit. People have no idea.
Speaker 1: She's so funny, but like.
Speaker 2: She has a she's a big business mogual, and Beyonce
Speaker 2: is a business mogul. Like that is a totally different.
Speaker 1: Level of being in the world.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know, Yeah, I mean, yeah, it makes
Speaker 2: sense that she would be continuously frustrated because I'm nowhere
Speaker 2: near Beyonce.
Speaker 1: But I basically I'm always disappointed in the product. It
Speaker 1: did remind me of you. I'm always disappointed in that.
Speaker 2: I know, as excited we have, you know, graphic designers
Speaker 2: and editors and all these people pretty much and whenever
Speaker 2: someone says, well, I'm really excited to show you what
Speaker 2: I worked on, like after we talked about them about
Speaker 2: our vision. I don't ever remember a time getting the
Speaker 2: product and being like, wow, this exceeded my standards. I
Speaker 2: don't think that's ever happened. Yeah, every now and then
Speaker 2: it'll meet meet the criteria that I was looking for.
Speaker 2: Most times I find it underwhelming. Yeah, it did remind
Speaker 2: me of you, like her, to her, I'm constantly disappointing,
Speaker 2: and she's not afraid to say it. Like you, if
Speaker 2: you're disappointed in something like you know you have to
Speaker 2: deliver that type of feedback. And it made me go, oh, okay,
Speaker 2: Like it's not a it's not a it's not a
Speaker 2: dark cloud over the project that you're disappointed in the outcome.
Speaker 1: It's just like, we haven't gotten there yet, you haven't
Speaker 1: delivered on this. I think quite the opposite.
Speaker 2: I think it shows how much you care about the
Speaker 2: product and the potential that you see in the product
Speaker 2: that you go, no, go back, because we can do
Speaker 2: this better, because I know that this has capable of
Speaker 2: figuring out. Yeah, this has the foundation to be something great,
Speaker 2: and we haven't gotten there yet, and why wouldn't we try?
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally.
Speaker 2: I think it's actually oddly positive. I don't think it's
Speaker 2: pessimistic at all. I think it's pessimistic when you accept
Speaker 2: something that's mediocre, yeah, going, yeah, you're right, we can't
Speaker 2: do any better? Y, No, we fucking can. And it
Speaker 2: show and I think it also like it comes off
Speaker 2: a lot of times as like saying like I don't like,
Speaker 2: I don't. I'm disappointed in the people that work for
Speaker 2: me when I when I see it as I know,
Speaker 2: you're all capable of so much more, and you're selling
Speaker 2: you're selling the project short, you're selling me short, but
Speaker 2: you're also selling yourself short.
Speaker 1: Yes, I see it.
Speaker 2: That's what That's what it comes across. And even when
Speaker 2: people give me, you know, feedback like that, be like yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, like they go, oh, this isn't as good
Speaker 2: as I expect you from you. I go, you know what, Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I see that, but let's try. I like, ooh, this
Speaker 2: is a fun puzzle piece. This is a fun challenge. Like,
Speaker 2: let's let's be the best that we possibly can. Yeah. Sure,
Speaker 2: She her and you are another example of a creative
Speaker 2: that's like this. And I'm sure like other like high
Speaker 2: I'm sure story Beckhams like this. You just won't don't
Speaker 2: take something that's not it yet, that's not it. We
Speaker 2: need to work harder, We need to like analyze this,
Speaker 2: we need to dig into this, we need to go
Speaker 2: back and do the complicated work of analyzing how this
Speaker 2: can be better. Well, I think about projects and like art,
Speaker 2: the way a lot of things that most people think
Speaker 2: about love, like right right when you know, you know
Speaker 2: it's for me.
Speaker 1: It's like true when I see I go, I know it,
Speaker 1: I go, I don't.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 2: I've explained to you as much as I can explain
Speaker 2: to you in words, how I feel like this is
Speaker 2: supposed to be and then from there like I'll know
Speaker 2: it when I see it. Yeah, and then you know
Speaker 2: it's like a melody or you know. Ever every artist
Speaker 2: has that in them and at it. You know when
Speaker 2: you go, I can't really explain to you a ton edit,
Speaker 2: but if I sit here, I can feel out the
Speaker 2: beats of how this is supposed to be edited.
Speaker 1: We all have that totally, totally. Yeah. Just watch Renaissance
Speaker 1: Guys starring Beyonce.
Speaker 2: And Christina Hutch for seconds. It's a really good shot.
Speaker 2: It's really it's really it really delivered. It's crazy, it
Speaker 2: really delivered. You know who else delivered today's guest?
Speaker 6: Yeah he did.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he was he was, he was him and he
Speaker 1: was so him. He is an actor.
Speaker 2: He's a legendary stand up comedian. You've probably heard his
Speaker 2: voice on so many cartoons that he's done voiceovers for,
Speaker 2: or all the many late night sets he has done.
Speaker 1: He has a been on COmON, He's been on That's Insane.
Speaker 2: And he has a YouTube special out that you can
Speaker 2: watch now for free called Domestic Shorthair.
Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the show Todd Berry.
Speaker 1: We are here with legendary stand up comedian Todd Berry.
Speaker 6: Oh thank you every time.
Speaker 1: He always uncomfortable, He always uncomfortable, Todd.
Speaker 6: Barry, I don't put that in their head. I'm smooth
Speaker 6: as silk. You figured it out the way my legs
Speaker 6: draped over there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sneaker gene combo.
Speaker 6: Yeah fuck yeah.
Speaker 1: I was looking up facts on the internet about you.
Speaker 6: Uh oh shit, here we go.
Speaker 1: You're a Bronx boy.
Speaker 6: Well, I mean I was born in the Bronx. You
Speaker 6: don't live there Till I was five. I can't say
Speaker 6: zero to five.
Speaker 1: That's not nothing.
Speaker 6: That's when I developed my edge, you know.
Speaker 1: And then where'd you go from there?
Speaker 6: Then I moved to upstate New York for three years
Speaker 6: for some reason. My dad wanted to move there, and
Speaker 6: my parents moved there, and then we all moved to
Speaker 6: Florida because my dad's company, oh relocated. So I lived
Speaker 6: in Florida for like fifteen.
Speaker 1: Real bad boy Orgy.
Speaker 6: It's interesting. So interesting?
Speaker 1: Are your parents? They did they like each other? They
Speaker 1: liked they had a good you had a good childhood?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean they they bickered, but they didn't. There
Speaker 3: wasn't it was pretty normal nice. I mean yeah, I mean,
Speaker 3: how does one know what is normal for a child?
Speaker 2: I've been thinking about that a lot because I always
Speaker 2: thought my childhood was the standard, and then I figured
Speaker 2: out it really was not.
Speaker 1: Ideally is actually better?
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: It's like you meet people and you're like, oh my god,
Speaker 6: that's your that was the way it was growing.
Speaker 2: Up, right, well, and it explains a lot about why
Speaker 2: people act the way they do.
Speaker 6: You know, you almost forgive them, and then you go
Speaker 6: that it's total for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's exactly exactly accurate.
Speaker 6: Well you do.
Speaker 1: And then if they keep pulling the same shit, you
Speaker 1: have to fix it. Yeah, you can't not fix it.
Speaker 6: It's like, all right, I see where this comes from,
Speaker 6: but it's still not fun on my end.
Speaker 1: Do you have you had a lot of friend breakups?
Speaker 6: Friend breakups? You know what I've had. I haven't had.
Speaker 6: Leg I can't be your friend anymore. I mean I guess,
Speaker 6: But I've had people who were close to who I
Speaker 6: just I haven't talked to him twenty five years. There's
Speaker 6: no like, no reason, there was like no like, oh fault,
Speaker 6: We'll just stop talking to each other. You just naturally
Speaker 6: go in different directions. Yeah, I guess. So yeah, yeah,
Speaker 6: is that a normal thing.
Speaker 1: Yes, it is. And I didn't realize it used to
Speaker 1: make me sad and make me go, did I not
Speaker 1: do something?
Speaker 2: Should I have kept this up? But that's I'm realizing.
Speaker 2: Friends come and go, and then some friends don't. Yeah,
Speaker 2: a lot of friends do, most of them.
Speaker 6: Do you put it that way? It sounds kind of sad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a little sad. I feel most things about
Speaker 1: life are sad.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I feel like that might resonate with you.
Speaker 6: Tah. Yeah, life is a battle. I think I've said
Speaker 6: that before.
Speaker 1: That is the energy you've given. Life is a battle.
Speaker 1: So you're over here. So I was. I I was
Speaker 1: telling my boyfriend. My boyfriend's Colin Smith, who knows you.
Speaker 1: So I was saying, I'm going in today. He's like,
Speaker 1: are you interviewing? I'm like Tod Berry because I love Todd.
Speaker 2: And then he goes, Todd is actually punk rock, and
Speaker 2: I was like, huh, and I had to go and
Speaker 2: I didn't get any clarification, so I wanted to take
Speaker 2: that question over to you.
Speaker 1: Whoa do you?
Speaker 6: I am very I would describe myself as punk rock? Yeah, no,
Speaker 6: I think because he once commented on this, Uh, it
Speaker 6: was a funny comment too. I was like, Oh, I
Speaker 6: didn't know he was funny, and I don't know it
Speaker 6: was your boyfriend. I kind of suspected he did. Yeah,
Speaker 6: because that's nice because you're always together, acting like boyfriend
Speaker 6: or girl.
Speaker 1: I gave it away my love eyes miss perception over here,
Speaker 1: like psychic Todd.
Speaker 6: I know musicians, and I used to play drums, but
Speaker 6: I wouldn't say I was punk rock, but probably compared
Speaker 6: to calling him punk rock.
Speaker 2: So maybe your aura is like I establishments, you know, yeah,
Speaker 2: and your comedy style is I would say punk rock.
Speaker 1: There's definitely a punk rock element to your comedy style.
Speaker 6: I mean, I know punks and punks like me, and
Speaker 6: I sort of ran in those circles without actually being
Speaker 6: a punk on any level.
Speaker 1: Oh that's nice. So you had friends that were punks
Speaker 1: or punk.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it was yeah, you know, it was like a
Speaker 6: little it was weirdly a punk scene in Florida, like
Speaker 6: in the early eighties, like late seventies, like the first
Speaker 6: punk people. But I mean, yeah, so I guess I
Speaker 6: ran in those circles a little bit.
Speaker 1: Nice.
Speaker 6: But Collins got a you know, his new haircut. He
Speaker 6: looks like he's playing bass for the Clash.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he has a good new haircut.
Speaker 2: He went to Turkey to get the hair and then
Speaker 2: to have the hair on z Yeah, and you got
Speaker 2: a transplant. Yeah yeah, like the hairline stuff. Yeah, really,
Speaker 2: it looks fantastic. And then he was telling me Turkey
Speaker 2: is actually really big on male medical tourism. So he
Speaker 2: said to me on the plane ride back, there was
Speaker 2: just dudes wrapped in banned from all.
Speaker 6: Over the world as because I know, it's like a
Speaker 6: gig would like you. It's a two thousand dollars plus air.
Speaker 1: It was too cheap, really cheap, and they organized it
Speaker 1: for you.
Speaker 6: Yeah yeah, so he's cool about you saying that out loud.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, he tells people he doesn't care.
Speaker 6: I never would have suspected that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well it looks.
Speaker 2: Great, and it's what he actually showed me. It was
Speaker 2: as an example of like You don't have to be
Speaker 2: embarrassed about stuff. If you're just not, then it kind
Speaker 2: of fades away.
Speaker 1: And no one cares.
Speaker 6: Like you can make fun of him if he's saying, no,
Speaker 6: I did get hair, plus yeah, it just own it.
Speaker 6: Who gives a shit? I will find a way to
Speaker 6: make fun of Oh. Yeah, as you need to plug
Speaker 6: in your guitar or did I say plug? I'm sorry?
Speaker 6: Did that? Did that bother you that I said? Pug?
Speaker 6: So they give you like a good deal and they fly.
Speaker 6: They put you in a hotel and every yeah.
Speaker 1: Put you in a hotel. Would is that ever something
Speaker 1: you would do?
Speaker 6: I would do it just for the hotel.
Speaker 1: You could just go to Turkey on vacation.
Speaker 6: I used to take gigs in Florida when we start
Speaker 6: now where the hotel was like four minutes from my house,
Speaker 6: and yeah I need the hotel.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's so fun.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I love staying in hotels. I love it. I love
Speaker 1: putting all I put all my stuff into the drawers
Speaker 1: the second I get in, like this is my minute. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I want to feel like what would it feel
Speaker 1: like to live here? I want to immerse my I
Speaker 1: go what would it feel like? To throw everything on
Speaker 1: the floor.
Speaker 6: Hotels on the road.
Speaker 2: I go to the club kitchy. I love like a
Speaker 2: kitchen hotel. It has a theme, it has a room
Speaker 2: that looks like a jungle like that. I love that,
Speaker 2: like these like weird motels.
Speaker 6: When is the Skinnaire? Because I was going to reveal
Speaker 6: a hotel and I'm staying in that.
Speaker 2: So it's going to actually air this week for Luminary subscribers,
Speaker 2: and then the following week it'll be wide released. We're
Speaker 2: going to reveal I mean, there's there's a concierge with
Speaker 2: the whole you can't just go up to the room.
Speaker 6: That's true. I've got a room at the Margaritaville Hotel Margaritall.
Speaker 1: That's cool. I've never stayed there, but let me know
Speaker 1: how it is. Yeah. I love Jimmy Buffett. What kind
Speaker 1: of you to garre you into?
Speaker 6: I like the same four bands I liked since I
Speaker 6: was twenty, which are uh, you know you're Elvis Costello,
Speaker 6: r E, M, Rolling, Stones, Clash.
Speaker 1: Those are all good.
Speaker 6: Yeah they're all No they're not. Yeah they're they're good.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's fine. Why mess with perfection?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 1: What what role has romantic love? Played in your life.
Speaker 1: Oh hello, let's get it, because I have these jolly,
Speaker 1: these girly sex questions for you. But I need to
Speaker 1: show in. I need it. I need it, I need
Speaker 1: a way in.
Speaker 2: Honestly, you can be I mean you could, yeah, because
Speaker 2: this is easy because you can talk about it in
Speaker 2: a vague sense.
Speaker 1: You don't have to.
Speaker 6: I love giving advice to people on romance.
Speaker 2: Well, these are more questions about like your personal preferences,
Speaker 2: not with anybody specific, but in general.
Speaker 1: Oh so that's what I'm crazy for me.
Speaker 6: Yeah, oh yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: You don't know what roll romantic love has played in
Speaker 1: your eyes. I love these.
Speaker 6: I don't know about that entire segment.
Speaker 1: Okay, well that's all right. We can we can.
Speaker 6: I mean I'll ask general.
Speaker 1: I mean, can I have you ever been in love?
Speaker 1: Todd Berry?
Speaker 6: Yeah? I just I mean I just broke up with
Speaker 6: someone or broke up?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I got breakout. I forgot which way it happens. Well,
Speaker 1: it's okay, men never break do the breaking up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're realized. Don't feel about it is true? Pretty yeah,
Speaker 1: like it's always I.
Speaker 6: Did not. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, have you ever broken up?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 6: I have? Yeah, but I've also stayed in things where
Speaker 6: you're five years later like.
Speaker 1: Oh my, that's extremely common for men, and don't feel
Speaker 1: bad about it.
Speaker 6: You can do these little man male pokes.
Speaker 2: Huh, Well, it's a it's a it's a theory, it's
Speaker 2: a it's a it's literally sex based that. Yeah, yes,
Speaker 2: like studies of the whole show is about it's not
Speaker 2: well gender gender I suppose, but yeah.
Speaker 6: Okay, okay, that's interesting. I didn't know that. But yeah,
Speaker 6: I've I've stayed in things were like you just kind
Speaker 6: of I don't know how you let it roll off
Speaker 6: you go. That bothered me a lot, but I'm not
Speaker 6: quite ready to say that was really bad. What just happened?
Speaker 2: Well, are there some can you give me like an
Speaker 2: example of something that happened that was you? You said
Speaker 2: this is a huge red flag and then you stayed
Speaker 2: I mean in a vague sense because I did.
Speaker 1: Just and this person else long ago.
Speaker 6: Yeah, just kind of ir kind of unstable behavior where
Speaker 6: you're like, are we really having this argument about she is?
Speaker 6: But you know, also those people like that are also
Speaker 6: kind of fun fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, oh they are very fun.
Speaker 2: Right, You're never bored, and I think being Boring is
Speaker 2: one of the worst things a person can be, and
Speaker 2: people that.
Speaker 1: Have some instability from issues that they have worked on
Speaker 1: have not worked on. Makes it interesting.
Speaker 6: I found a way to be stable and boring. I'm
Speaker 6: being self deprecating. I'm not boring at all. I'm fun.
Speaker 2: You seem you have like this allure to you that
Speaker 2: is specific to you. Okay, that is it's welcoming, very chill,
Speaker 2: but it's very.
Speaker 1: Steady.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, like stable, like you, I imagine you
Speaker 2: would be soothing to one's nervous system to date.
Speaker 1: Perhaps I'm just guessing here.
Speaker 6: I know some people might argue with that, but okay,
Speaker 6: but yeah, yeah, I'm not a yeller. I've had arguments
Speaker 6: where someone's freaking out and I'm kind of like this,
Speaker 6: and then they freak out more because why are you
Speaker 6: freaking out?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, I mean I had one of my girlfriends.
Speaker 6: I remember we were kind of in the middle of
Speaker 6: a fight and I kind of just when we were
Speaker 6: in bed, I kind of just put my arm on
Speaker 6: her shoulder or something, and she's like, and she's like,
Speaker 6: how can you do that when we're in a fight, Like,
Speaker 6: I don't know, because I wasn't like I don't hate you.
Speaker 6: We're in a fight.
Speaker 1: That's very helpful, and you're next to me, and that's
Speaker 1: good to remember. Yes, yeah, I don't hate you. We're
Speaker 1: just in a fight. Yeah, I'm not against you.
Speaker 6: I mean now I hate her, but yeah, but you
Speaker 6: didn't when you when I put my hand on her shoulder.
Speaker 1: You didn't hate her in that moment.
Speaker 6: But it was a thing where it's like, oh, do
Speaker 6: we have to go full on? Like we could still
Speaker 6: work whatever we need to work out.
Speaker 2: I need to remind myself that I do too, Yeah,
Speaker 2: because sometimes I get confused when I fight with a
Speaker 2: boyfriend where I don't know if it's the childhood stuff
Speaker 2: like a rough childho stuff or what.
Speaker 1: But it's like I all of a sudden, he's the
Speaker 1: enemy in the argument, and I treat him like the enemy,
Speaker 1: and I behave and talk like he's the enemy. And
Speaker 1: I got to that moment should probably happen that would
Speaker 1: bring me back down to earth and realize that we're
Speaker 1: just having an argument.
Speaker 6: I've had it drilled into my head, I guess by
Speaker 6: a therapists where it's like or a therapist where kind
Speaker 6: of the notion of if you win an argument, we
Speaker 6: both lose. Like, if I win the if one of
Speaker 6: us wins the argument, we both lose.
Speaker 1: So what should be the outcome then, in your therapist's opinion, I.
Speaker 6: Think it's I think I think if I'm interpreting it correctly,
Speaker 6: it's just so you're not.
Speaker 1: Like, got her right, Yes, you're not against each other.
Speaker 6: Guys zinger good.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: At the same time, it does feel good too when
Speaker 6: you do make a good point, of course, but it's
Speaker 6: also they have to acknowledge that point.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, exactly. You can't really bask in the glory
Speaker 1: of a good point if they're not hearing you, are
Speaker 1: seeing you, right.
Speaker 6: But I also heard another expression of which I think
Speaker 6: thought about lately. Sometimes you just got to let people
Speaker 6: be wrong.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, that's really hard.
Speaker 6: Well, oh I know that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have to let them be wrong and then
Speaker 2: like learn for themselves, because you know, it's like that
Speaker 2: Wizard of Oz kind of rule where it's like you
Speaker 2: can tell someone at the beginning of the movie how
Speaker 2: the movie ends, but like they need to go through
Speaker 2: the journey and figure it out for themselves, right.
Speaker 1: I think that's important.
Speaker 2: And so it's so hard though, to like let watch
Speaker 2: people make a mistake, but I've really learned it's extremely valuable.
Speaker 1: And it's also like people will people, and this seems
Speaker 1: so weird.
Speaker 2: People will like you more if you stand by and
Speaker 2: let them make a mistake, then if you try to
Speaker 2: tell them ahead of time, don't do that. I've I've
Speaker 2: experienced it from Courent, and I'm like, that is pretty
Speaker 2: powerful stuff because it makes you think back to all
Speaker 2: the times that you were doing the thing and that
Speaker 2: you didn't say anything, and you're like, oh me, what
Speaker 2: I just let you Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's extremely hard.
Speaker 2: Well, it's also like you're there's a lot of young
Speaker 2: there's a lot of young I have a lot of
Speaker 2: younger people in my life, and it's it's like this
Speaker 2: big sister energy and me. So I'm a big sister,
Speaker 2: Christina's a little sister. But I feel like that carries
Speaker 2: with you all through life. And so like just watching
Speaker 2: it's just like don't say anything. Don't say anything, like
Speaker 2: as long as like no one's going to hurt themselves.
Speaker 6: To remember I think when you're if I kind of
Speaker 6: I'm kind of a ruminator, so I'll just think about
Speaker 6: something some encounter.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I finally got to say that one. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think so.
Speaker 6: I think it's good if you just go all right,
Speaker 6: you know, I can go back and forth on this
Speaker 6: all day. But yeah, I think they're wrong, but they
Speaker 6: were wrong. Yeah, we can move on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the chemicals of love are so decept there's so
Speaker 2: deceiving because when you're falling for somebody, having a crush
Speaker 2: on somebody is such a thrill, and then when you
Speaker 2: actually get together with them, sorry, no, you.
Speaker 1: Go, wow, my imagination is so much more impressive than
Speaker 1: this person. Mind.
Speaker 2: But like when you get to experience, like making out
Speaker 2: with somebody that you've had a crush on and they
Speaker 2: have a crush on you, any little walking down the
Speaker 2: sidewalk is more enjoyable, like going to the movies. You're
Speaker 2: like the popcorn tastes better, like everything's better. But those
Speaker 2: chemicals are so blinding, and that's why the red flags. Yes,
Speaker 2: you can look back in hindsight, of course it's twenty twenty,
Speaker 2: but it's almost impossible to see them.
Speaker 6: I wonder if there's anyone out there who's just like, yeah,
Speaker 6: I already see where this is ahead.
Speaker 1: I'm with the chemist.
Speaker 2: But yeah, but to me, I'm like they maybe the
Speaker 2: chemistry isn't overwhelming, so that you can actually be grounded
Speaker 2: and see that which is.
Speaker 6: Good people are You're different in the first month and.
Speaker 2: Very you put on your best self. Yeah, I try
Speaker 2: not to do that worst foot forward, not worst, like
Speaker 2: I try to do medium foot forward.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, that's why.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just because, like I don't know, I think I
Speaker 2: in my twenties, I used to do best foot forward
Speaker 2: a lot more, and then I realized I was setting
Speaker 2: myself up for failure because that's the same way I
Speaker 2: interview for a job, right, I am so good at
Speaker 2: job interviews, and then I show up for the job
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I'm okay, I don't, I don't.
Speaker 1: It's not my company. I don't really care, you know.
Speaker 2: And so when they've already seen how good you can,
Speaker 2: like your best, that's all they will accept. But if
Speaker 2: you present your medium and then sometimes your best shows up,
Speaker 2: then they're pleasantly surprised. That's under promising over delivery.
Speaker 6: I I'm getting lots of like dating meme, like relationship
Speaker 6: coach people. Yeah, either that or maybe even that I
Speaker 6: did talk on the phone about sign that's yes. But
Speaker 6: I'm getting all these dating coaches and they all kind
Speaker 6: of say the same thing, and some of them are like, wow,
Speaker 6: that's pretty good advice that I've heard from probably eight
Speaker 6: hundred other people. But there was one who who was saying, like,
Speaker 6: here's how to talk to a girl the first time,
Speaker 6: and she recommended acting or maybe he recommended acting like
Speaker 6: you you've known them years, okay years, So it brings
Speaker 6: down the defense the desperation.
Speaker 1: Maybe I don't know, how does one talk to someone
Speaker 1: like they've known them?
Speaker 6: Fresher brought this up because I can't even follow.
Speaker 2: Up on Well, I'm just I'm like, you can't fake that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: how do you fake familiarity?
Speaker 6: I think instead of I mean maybe to turn tone down,
Speaker 6: like the it's just going how you doing right?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's really about grounding yourself.
Speaker 6: Before you Yeah that's a good one.
Speaker 1: Go on the date.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Do you go on a lot of dates?
Speaker 6: Oh my god? I had one right before I got here,
Speaker 6: and I have five later on.
Speaker 1: Really that wouldn't have surprised me. You haven't allure.
Speaker 6: I don't know if I have a sixth date in
Speaker 6: one day.
Speaker 2: I feel like you're a Laura is like your comedy
Speaker 2: persona is almost like that you've curated as like humble narcissist.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, I love it. That's a good one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: guy knows what he wants. Yeah, but humble about it.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But on Twitter, I'll just be like, like three years
Speaker 2: Kevin Hart, like, wow, Kevin Hart has the.
Speaker 1: Honor of being a comedian at the same time that
Speaker 1: I'm a comedian.
Speaker 6: I did that.
Speaker 1: No you didn't. But that's like an example of something
Speaker 1: in the tone exactly.
Speaker 6: It's a it's faux cocky but really cocky at the
Speaker 6: same time.
Speaker 1: Are you cocky?
Speaker 7: No?
Speaker 6: I think I'm I think I'm like a lot of comedians.
Speaker 6: We get on stage, we become this monster.
Speaker 1: You have your own Sasha.
Speaker 6: I said things like in anger to like guys who
Speaker 6: are like six foot nine, you know, the stage. Yeah,
Speaker 6: I'm much less likely to do that now. I'm also
Speaker 6: now that I have a bit of a following, a
Speaker 6: little bit of a following. I don't really get many
Speaker 6: assholes at my show.
Speaker 2: But comedians are like the original keyboard warriors, you know,
Speaker 2: like how people can say anything on Instagram because they
Speaker 2: feel so powerful. I feel like we were the first
Speaker 2: kind of group of people to do that because on stage,
Speaker 2: like yeah, we have no problem starting a fight with
Speaker 2: a guy who's six foot nine, but like, you wouldn't
Speaker 2: do that at a bar.
Speaker 6: I think it got to be a comedian than a
Speaker 6: keyboard warrior, of course. Yes, but I see your point. Yeah,
Speaker 6: you're wrong about that.
Speaker 1: Have you ever gotten into fights while you're on stage
Speaker 1: with an audience member?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I've never been in a fight in my life.
Speaker 6: In your life, no, I don't know. I've never even
Speaker 6: had a disagreement with that. No, I've had arguments, but
Speaker 6: now I usually take it. I probably had people who
Speaker 6: want to kill me, and but I've had stuff thrown
Speaker 6: at me. Oh wow, what just like, uh well, one
Speaker 6: time was remember the Boston Comedy Club.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that was Rising Bar.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, I did a show there and I think
Speaker 6: it was a it was a language barrier thing where
Speaker 6: she thought I was making fun of her, so she
Speaker 6: threw a wine glass at me.
Speaker 1: Wow, wine glass, Jesus, Did I hit you?
Speaker 6: No, it kind of smashed next to me.
Speaker 1: Nice but terrible aim.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but it's a good it's a good, gritty story.
Speaker 6: Like I'm in the trenches man. Yeah, it is hard being.
Speaker 1: A stand up out in the streets everywhere growing at me.
Speaker 6: But it's not like being in a punk band.
Speaker 1: And were you a drummer in a band?
Speaker 6: Yeah? I was in a few bands.
Speaker 1: Nice.
Speaker 6: Yeah, not a good drummer. Not a good drummer.
Speaker 1: So you became a comedian?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 6: All right?
Speaker 1: No, right, you couldn't keep telling me?
Speaker 6: What do you think of this thing that I heard?
Speaker 6: I quoted this on another podcast. I hope I'm not
Speaker 6: allowed to I'm allowed to repeat, but it's fine. I've
Speaker 6: had this. I heard this person say, don't ever become
Speaker 6: great at something you don't like doing right? And I
Speaker 6: was like, oh my god, that is the most haunting thing.
Speaker 1: That's why I quit my assistant job.
Speaker 6: But like, what if I'm like like a phone a poser,
Speaker 6: Like I'm not really a good comedy I don't know.
Speaker 6: Maybe I'm a good meeting. But do I want to
Speaker 6: be a comedian? I sometimes?
Speaker 2: Oh well yeah, I mean, like, so you're saying like
Speaker 2: you're so great at comedy that you just can't do
Speaker 2: anything else.
Speaker 1: But do you in your heart do you love it?
Speaker 6: Do you think about it that way? I hope I
Speaker 6: didn't come across that way. No, I just wonder if,
Speaker 6: like I am good at it? And then but I'd
Speaker 6: rather be a rock.
Speaker 1: Star something oh right, right right.
Speaker 2: I feel kind of feel like most of means that
Speaker 2: would rather be rock stars than most rock stars would
Speaker 2: rather be comedians.
Speaker 1: We always want the thing that we don't have.
Speaker 2: That's where we do, like, you know, shows like the
Speaker 2: Goddamn Comedy Jam when we can experience and go, yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm glad I'm a comic.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I picked this.
Speaker 6: I have loved those drums around.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, drum set's big. We're talking in the intro
Speaker 2: about kissing. As a guy wrote us in he was
Speaker 2: a part of a cult until very recently thirty years old,
Speaker 2: and so he's getting into the day. But he's a
Speaker 2: complete virgin and he hasn't kissed anybody or done anything.
Speaker 2: There was an arranged marriage in the cult, but he
Speaker 2: got out of the cult, got out of the arranged marriage,
Speaker 2: never done anything sexual before, and we it got us
Speaker 2: talking about kissing and how it's so nice.
Speaker 1: What do you think about kissing? Yeah, making out? Making
Speaker 1: out fun pressure.
Speaker 2: Unless you're yeah, especially like if you're outside or something. Yeah,
Speaker 2: if you're a pressure, like compared to actually having.
Speaker 6: Sex, Yeah, I mean it's a little more of a
Speaker 6: I mean I think there's more pressure. Whatdn't you say?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like there's more pressure for guys in
Speaker 2: when you when it comes to actual penis and vagina intercourse.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I will get you want to spell it out,
Speaker 1: I will give you. Thanks coming on guys, guy, I
Speaker 1: gotta go.
Speaker 6: Oh, looked funny in my calendar.
Speaker 1: By the way, do you did you get hy? You
Speaker 1: get shy talking about sex.
Speaker 6: I get shy talking about like my purse. Like I'm
Speaker 6: not one of those people like I've seen people just
Speaker 6: you know, comic on stage about the titty thought as well.
Speaker 6: And like also my mom's in the audience, she's she's
Speaker 6: always perplexed me like people would just I'm not one
Speaker 6: of these open books.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's good. But I mean there's a mysteriousness about you,
Speaker 1: and that probably contributes.
Speaker 6: To compensate by being really funny on podcasts. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 6: been killing it.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, I'll say, calm down, calm down, talking
Speaker 2: to everyone's so horny.
Speaker 6: But yeah, so this guy never kissed anyone before.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so we were talking about how to practice kissing,
Speaker 2: and I was saying, this woman on the video we
Speaker 2: found recommended using a cupcake. But I was saying, if
Speaker 2: you like make like a little puppet with your hand
Speaker 2: and you do that, did you ever make like practice
Speaker 2: making up before you?
Speaker 6: But I think that's better than the cupcake. Yeah, cupcake,
Speaker 6: you're just gonna just want to eat that fucking copay
Speaker 6: to you?
Speaker 1: What's a good kiss?
Speaker 6: Sloppy? Crazy, tonguey?
Speaker 1: Are you being serious?
Speaker 6: I'm being funny, But also I kind of now that
Speaker 6: I'm saying it out loud, like, that doesn't sound so bad,
Speaker 6: that doesn't sound sloppy and tonguey. I guess it is
Speaker 6: not the best way to describe something.
Speaker 2: Almost some people do like a slap, you're a kiss,
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't love it from a man. But
Speaker 2: I wonder if I was kissing women if I would
Speaker 2: be more comfortable with a sloppiness, because women just inherently
Speaker 2: are less sloppy.
Speaker 1: Not all of them, but like the kind of always
Speaker 1: a fire right for sure?
Speaker 2: For sure? For sure?
Speaker 1: Yeah, holding holding the face. I love when you're both
Speaker 1: holding each other's faces and you're like.
Speaker 6: She takes a hammer and hits you in that head.
Speaker 1: Oh god, lights out, baby. So I don't know that
Speaker 1: this man, this man, yes, how old is he thirty.
Speaker 2: I would also say, hesitant to bring up the cult
Speaker 2: story when he's dating, but we were like, are you
Speaker 2: kidding me?
Speaker 1: That's fascinating.
Speaker 6: Do you think that he should bring up when he
Speaker 6: has his first kiss that I've never kissed anyone.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know that one. I feel
Speaker 1: like someone I don't know, Like, I don't know that
Speaker 1: I would know that ahead of time. I've never been
Speaker 1: a guy's first with stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like I've never took a guy's low job Virginny,
Speaker 2: Virginia of any kinds of any of the acts, of
Speaker 2: any of the sexual acts. So I don't know, but
Speaker 2: I wasn't that when we were reading the email, I
Speaker 2: was like, that's kind of fun if a guy told
Speaker 2: me he's never been kissed, and that's why, because I'd
Speaker 2: be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's wrong.
Speaker 1: But then if it was a cult thing, I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's kind of hot.
Speaker 2: And so there's that cool background that he's overcome and
Speaker 2: then he's so new, but he's a lot older than
Speaker 2: somebody would normally be when they haven't experience these things.
Speaker 1: That's kind of hot.
Speaker 2: Oh, women, we love when someone's overcome something or when
Speaker 2: they haven't, but they say that they will.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they will overcome it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that hope.
Speaker 1: It's not your to do list to overcome that. Wow,
Speaker 1: one day you'll do it, maybe so you Yeah, I.
Speaker 6: Feel like there might be someone who be like, oh,
Speaker 6: I don't want your first one to be more special
Speaker 6: someone you're in love, you know, I don't want to
Speaker 6: be the first. But then there's probably someone who'll be like, oh.
Speaker 1: I get to be the first first kiss. Like when
Speaker 1: you're in your thirties, you don't ever envision take like
Speaker 1: being somebody's first kiss.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you should just go for it, not practice. I
Speaker 6: don't know what there is to practice. It just kind
Speaker 6: of goes slow and gentle.
Speaker 1: Okay, and yeah, slow and steady wins the race.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and then rejoined the cult where it's less pressure.
Speaker 1: Yeah. No, he had to get out of an arranged marriage,
Speaker 1: so there was a lot of pressure there.
Speaker 6: Well that's see, that's that's pretty impressive to get out
Speaker 6: of that. Like I couldn't imagine getting into that, but
Speaker 6: I also could couldn't imagine now difficult it must be
Speaker 6: to get out of that.
Speaker 2: Have you ever been Like I imagine a cult is
Speaker 2: similar to being hooked on a person who you know
Speaker 2: is toxic for you and you just keep going back
Speaker 2: to it.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, like this is dumb, but it's so fun.
Speaker 1: Has that ever happened to you?
Speaker 6: That's only happened? Really?
Speaker 1: How are you meeting these women?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 6: I mean, you show being a little dramatic and also
Speaker 6: I should say in case it comes across like I'm
Speaker 6: I'm you know, I'm sure there's challenges going out with me.
Speaker 1: Also, what would you think?
Speaker 6: I just didn't want to They're always rule.
Speaker 2: I don't want to be like, yeah, you know, like
Speaker 2: roast yourself, like what's like what are your issues in relationships?
Speaker 1: What are your strengths and what are your weaknesses?
Speaker 6: Strengths are just trying to be funny with everything right now?
Speaker 6: I'm funny.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's a huge strength.
Speaker 6: I think that I listen and ask questions.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's a good strength.
Speaker 6: I'm probably a little I mean I have to temper
Speaker 6: my anxiousness sometimes probably, so I'm probably you know, there's
Speaker 6: been a number of like why is that texted her
Speaker 6: like fifteen hours ago?
Speaker 2: That kind of that kind of Shoween hours is a
Speaker 2: long time warres that warrants asking yourself.
Speaker 1: Why the persons. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't know that if someon didn't text you back
Speaker 2: in twenty twenty three and fifteen hours, that's an anxiety
Speaker 2: disorder so much as that's sending you a message or
Speaker 2: not sending you a message.
Speaker 6: Right, what about do you have to like the mixed
Speaker 6: signal or something likeugh.
Speaker 2: Mixed signals are tough. That's when that's probably because she
Speaker 2: likes you, but you're not top on our list. To
Speaker 2: be honest, Yeah, it's the hard truth. Guys like you
Speaker 2: because you want like you know, it's like you want attention,
Speaker 2: but there's like a list of like a pecking order
Speaker 2: that you want the attention in, and so I usually
Speaker 2: respond in the order of how much I like the person.
Speaker 1: So she likes you, but not as much as some
Speaker 1: other guy.
Speaker 6: Do you ever like? I feel like there's this always
Speaker 6: constant pressure to play to not be too desperate.
Speaker 2: I haven't don't ask me because I have a problem
Speaker 2: where I play it too cool, where people think I
Speaker 2: actually don't like them, and so I now will just
Speaker 2: act desperate, and I think that's like a and then
Speaker 2: it comes off as normal.
Speaker 1: Is desperate?
Speaker 6: Is a Really you're desperate is not really that desperate.
Speaker 2: No, No, because I was constantly getting feedback that people
Speaker 2: were like, I didn't even know you liked me, And
Speaker 2: I go, all right, Kuren playing it, we need to
Speaker 2: give them some sing we're playing it too cool.
Speaker 1: She's rare. Yeah. Well, and also men.
Speaker 2: Like they're you guys' is like bar for your fault,
Speaker 2: like you accept so much, like like you're so good
Speaker 2: with being like men love being liked a lot in
Speaker 2: a way that I feel like for women is actually
Speaker 2: more suffocating.
Speaker 1: Really, like when when guys get.
Speaker 2: A girlfriend, like the way girlfriend if you just like
Speaker 2: watch a girlfriend and a boyfriend interact, it looks like
Speaker 2: they're being stalked and the woman should.
Speaker 1: Be in prison. But men like that, I don't love that.
Speaker 2: Like when a woman is like attentive to you, you're
Speaker 2: talking about that, like just really like I want a
Speaker 2: couple that is coupled up. The way the woman acts
Speaker 2: is something that I go, I don't. I actually don't
Speaker 2: think I could ever do that because it's embarrassing.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like a maternal sort of instinct that kicks
Speaker 5: in that can be to me at least extremely suffocating.
Speaker 2: Really so much it is watching a relationship that works,
Speaker 2: I go it's not I don't, or that works in quotes,
Speaker 2: I don't, I don't write, you don't know behind closed doors,
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Let's say you Todd.
Speaker 6: I saw a TikTok video there and uh, this one
Speaker 6: was like I went on the best first day and
Speaker 6: he did it. He did it. I was waiting for
Speaker 6: like the punchline and there was no one was like,
Speaker 6: and he brought me a dozen roses, like on a
Speaker 6: first date. If you're like, man, I would not advise
Speaker 6: a friend to buy roses for someone on a first date.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't either unless it was like something okay, so
Speaker 2: like there was like a couple of situations where it's like.
Speaker 1: You've been talking for a long time and then you
Speaker 1: finally the date finally happens.
Speaker 2: If that kind of a person showed up with a
Speaker 2: dozen roses, like that would be cute. But if it's
Speaker 2: just like a first day that you like been talking
Speaker 2: for a week on hinge or something that's psychotic, yeah,
Speaker 2: that's yes, and it doesn't it's not personal, it's not special.
Speaker 2: I would have just this guy does this for everybody? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: classic love.
Speaker 1: Have you ever been loved bombed or have you love bombed?
Speaker 6: I think, I mean, I'm going to be very general
Speaker 6: about this, but I think I was love bombed.
Speaker 1: H It's that's another thing which I never feel.
Speaker 6: I never heard of it. I realized, I think it's
Speaker 6: possible that I was love bombed in this one relationship
Speaker 6: that I'm not going to tell you when it happened.
Speaker 1: But how long did the relationship end up going on?
Speaker 6: For that? Two years?
Speaker 1: Okay? So I mean it's more that's the love bombing
Speaker 1: for the duration or like the first year.
Speaker 6: It was a it was.
Speaker 1: One month, man, one month of love bombing, and then.
Speaker 6: One particular.
Speaker 2: Expression of a gesture that we were like whoa bo
Speaker 2: jobs she held my hand, Oh right, right, right okay?
Speaker 2: And then did it turn like a declaration of a
Speaker 2: right okay?
Speaker 1: And then on too? Was it like cold? After that?
Speaker 1: Was it like hot and cold? Was it pure? Cold?
Speaker 6: Was the thing when I had this declaration? I feel
Speaker 6: like I'm being so cagy, but I was like, oh, man,
Speaker 6: because you worry if you're not doing everything right, and
Speaker 6: you're like yeah, and then you're like, I guess I'm
Speaker 6: doing I just proceed as proceed as I'm not being
Speaker 6: too desperate. I guess she likes hanging out with me
Speaker 6: and all this because she wrote some pretty you know, because.
Speaker 2: Well that's how you control someone, right, So you love
Speaker 2: bomb them and then you and then they're so used
Speaker 2: to that the admiration, and then you pull back and
Speaker 2: then then you're like partner question themselves.
Speaker 1: That's how you manipulate that. It's called bread crumbing too.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I know about bread crumbing.
Speaker 1: That sucks. You're really up on all this the internet, TikTok.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, I'm the immature guy in his fifties, I
Speaker 6: mean thirties. In case any agents are listen, casting people, listen.
Speaker 1: Todd Barry is your perfect man for the New Days.
Speaker 6: Twenty nine year old. But so, I don't know if
Speaker 6: I was love bomb because in this particular situation, I'm like,
Speaker 6: that seemed like love bombing, and then it kind of
Speaker 6: seemed to that is the definition of it, seems saying
Speaker 6: he also because there's other times where it was like,
Speaker 6: oh that she also did this, And I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think that people who love bomb are kind of
Speaker 2: hooked on the high of Like I don't think they're
Speaker 2: at their apartment strategizing Okay, at the three week mark,
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell him this and make him feel this,
Speaker 2: and then I'm gonna pull back. It's I think it's
Speaker 2: something that happens naturally because the person all the person
Speaker 2: is going after, whether it's conscious or subconscious, is that
Speaker 2: engulfment feeling of like we are in this and then
Speaker 2: I think they said it seems to me, based off
Speaker 2: of what I've read about love bombing, is that the
Speaker 2: love bomber will pull back because they they're subconsciously they
Speaker 2: want you to work for it in this way.
Speaker 1: It's the control thing that kind of mentioned. But I
Speaker 1: you know, we will.
Speaker 2: We may never know, but I've rarely heard of somebody
Speaker 2: who love bombs because I've talked to a couple of
Speaker 2: people who've done that, and I've I've probably have done
Speaker 2: it too. Yeah, I'm sure I get super I get
Speaker 2: super obsessed with people quickly, and I have to like
Speaker 2: really mind myself to not get to not just go
Speaker 2: and be like let's move in right away.
Speaker 6: Let me ask you this, if you go on a date,
Speaker 6: do you want to hear from that guy? When? Do
Speaker 6: you want to hear like I had a great Is
Speaker 6: it cool to said? I? Had a great time text
Speaker 6: is that like this.
Speaker 2: Guy's I don't want to hear from you that night.
Speaker 2: The next morning is probably better. But if we had
Speaker 2: a really good connection, yeah, and then you didn't text me,
Speaker 2: I'd be like, oh okay.
Speaker 6: What about Just like I want to see if you
Speaker 6: got home or if there's that.
Speaker 1: If they get murdered, you'll see you'll see it on
Speaker 1: the news.
Speaker 2: Yeah. One time I said to a friend, I don't
Speaker 2: think it was you, so it was another friend. I
Speaker 2: think that was like, oh, text me when you get home,
Speaker 2: and they were like, no, I don't do that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I didn't used to do.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I guess that is rude my parents.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I would have texted you if you asked
Speaker 1: me to.
Speaker 2: Oh. It was amazing somebody said that, but it made
Speaker 2: me realize, oh yeah. They were like I'm fine, I
Speaker 2: can get home. I'm like, oh okay, Well, sometimes I
Speaker 2: like I feel like a girlfriend asking a girlfriend to
Speaker 2: do it like makes sense.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And when a guy asked, I go, well, if I don't,
Speaker 2: it's your people's problem to begin with. And I just
Speaker 2: get angry. Yeah, so I go, one of you did it?
Speaker 6: What about? What about? Uh? I was going to try
Speaker 6: to make some extreme hiring bodyguards for her to get
Speaker 6: her to the subway.
Speaker 1: Too much hot take, too much.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I get. I mean it's just it just I mean,
Speaker 6: that's the early stages are fun. But it's also that's constant,
Speaker 6: like I mean, I don't know if you guys, you'll
Speaker 6: you'll do this, but I you know, people, she wrote
Speaker 6: this one, can I write back? You know that kind
Speaker 6: of stuff where you like, yes, you're like ue strategizing
Speaker 6: because you're just like you're so afraid of scaring someone off.
Speaker 1: Totally.
Speaker 2: That's the anxiety of the beginning of a relationship when
Speaker 2: you're not you're not exclusive, you're not completely settled into
Speaker 2: each other. You don't have this it's not this well
Speaker 2: oiled machine yet. And so yes, it is very nerve wracking,
Speaker 2: and it's like how can I not how do I
Speaker 2: have to ask my friend? Is this too much to
Speaker 2: text this guy? But then when I deal with everybody
Speaker 2: else in my life, I know how to handle myself.
Speaker 6: Well, right, it's also like you're paying it sometimes I've
Speaker 6: had therapy sessions about should I text her? And yeah,
Speaker 6: well that's fucking advice.
Speaker 2: It is, But that is the person to ask, because
Speaker 2: then they can help you deal with your particular anxiety
Speaker 2: about it, like where is.
Speaker 1: It coming from?
Speaker 6: All that crap.
Speaker 2: I also think that like when you're in your fifties,
Speaker 2: you can you can do this other move, which is
Speaker 2: kind of like, I'm an adult, I don't play these
Speaker 2: games when I want to, And I think that can
Speaker 2: be really attractive as well. I remember Hannah Berner was
Speaker 2: I was thinking about her exactly what's her husband's names,
Speaker 2: Dez Bishop, the comedian.
Speaker 1: She told me she told us on the show.
Speaker 2: She was like, we were kind of flirting with each other,
Speaker 2: and then I was straight up playing games with him
Speaker 2: and des Was he like called me and he was
Speaker 2: like hey five or whatever.
Speaker 1: Was He's like, I don't play games, so that's your thing.
Speaker 1: We're not where I love That's that's a great move.
Speaker 2: And then Hannah, you could tell it humbled her in
Speaker 2: a way that guys don't treat her like that normally.
Speaker 1: And she was like yes, and she was like, oh fuck.
Speaker 2: And I do think there's something to that where it's
Speaker 2: like I handle you is not the right term of
Speaker 2: phrase of words, but it's like when a guy can
Speaker 2: deal with you and he's not intimidated by your like
Speaker 2: little peak the peacocking that women can sometimes do, and
Speaker 2: he kind of knows how to wrangle you in is
Speaker 2: very attractive.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I had a situation recently where I was I thought
Speaker 6: I was going to start dating someone possibly went on one.
Speaker 1: Day like he's a situation.
Speaker 6: We had a plan, like you know, we had plans,
Speaker 6: and then it was a situation where like I'm in
Speaker 6: a situation ship. No, it's not, is that where you're going?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I just learned that word like three weeks ago.
Speaker 2: I'm very impressed by all the lingo that you know.
Speaker 2: This is straight up gen Z universe you're in now.
Speaker 6: It was swifty as well. Oh but uh, it was
Speaker 6: a thing where I like, I said, hey do you
Speaker 6: said how about this day? And I said, yeah, how
Speaker 6: about okay with me? I have shows at this hour
Speaker 6: And I didn't hear for the next day and like
Speaker 6: a full day and a half, and I did run
Speaker 6: it by a comic of a woman and she's like,
Speaker 6: because part of me was like, you don't write to me,
Speaker 6: I don't. I just waited out, you know, yeah, waited out,
Speaker 6: so I'm not desperate. And then she kind of said, well,
Speaker 6: if you do that, then you're letting her know that
Speaker 6: you can always just wait till the last minute. And
Speaker 6: I agree. This was about thirty seven hours, so this
Speaker 6: was like, that's too long a gap. I mean, I
Speaker 6: write people.
Speaker 2: I mean there are some people who like like or
Speaker 2: there are some instances when you literally just forget because
Speaker 2: it's like if you had if you it was someone
Speaker 2: you had never met before in real life.
Speaker 6: That's someone I went out with once and it was
Speaker 6: a good it seemed like it.
Speaker 1: Yeah right, I feel like, okay, so yeah, I feel
Speaker 1: like if you've.
Speaker 6: Already actually it wasn't till's like, hey, what's up.
Speaker 1: Sure, it was like, yeah, it's a date.
Speaker 6: And you know that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: But it's it's weird.
Speaker 2: It's hard because I feel like our brains will automatically
Speaker 2: assume assume a more negative having a more negative assumption.
Speaker 1: But you could also assume that the person's busy.
Speaker 2: I would say, because you don't know them well yet,
Speaker 2: one more poke of like, hey, did you want to
Speaker 2: go on the dat?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then how'd that go?
Speaker 6: I haven't talked to her, seen her, so she's done? Yes,
Speaker 6: because that happened again and I was actually what I
Speaker 6: just want through. I was kind of like, I'm not
Speaker 6: going to I'm going to try to do something, nip
Speaker 6: something in the butt. Yeah, that's why I will be
Speaker 6: checking immediately see if she texted after word.
Speaker 1: Done with this when you're waiting for her text of
Speaker 1: somebody that you do or could have a crush on.
Speaker 1: There's quite nothing quite like it.
Speaker 2: Oh you like it?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh my god it Oh it's a lot of anxiety,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I know it's I don't like that getting
Speaker 1: the text.
Speaker 6: I had a girlfriend who I was like, not my
Speaker 6: last girlfriend one before that. Or I'd be on the
Speaker 6: phone with my brother just stressed out, like and then
Speaker 6: it would come through.
Speaker 1: Everything's fine, sleet mood shift.
Speaker 6: Yes, but they call that, you know, like my therapists
Speaker 6: talked about like you're regulating yourself through someone, which is.
Speaker 1: Yes, your therapist is wise. That is what's happening.
Speaker 2: Is your therapist a man or a woman. It's a
Speaker 2: woman nice because you don't want the hard truth, because
Speaker 2: you want to be caddle like a little baby.
Speaker 6: He's like, he's very bright. I've been with her for
Speaker 6: many years.
Speaker 1: Oh that's nice. That's nice to have a therapist that
Speaker 1: knows you. Yeah, that you can just be yourself around.
Speaker 1: That's the thing.
Speaker 2: Like sometimes I'm like, I would like, you know, another perspective,
Speaker 2: but I'm like, I cannot have, Like the thought of
Speaker 2: explaining my universe to someone again not worth it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I honestly, Roger, they know the whole story.
Speaker 6: Are you talking about therapist?
Speaker 2: Yeah, like, because you so my therapist. I've been with
Speaker 2: her for several years, so she knows my whole universe.
Speaker 2: I say a name, I say a person, I fucking
Speaker 2: I say best, and she knows.
Speaker 1: What I'm talking about.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: I need that in my life.
Speaker 6: Okay, Like, so, what's your take on Matt Rice?
Speaker 1: She ac she does know.
Speaker 2: About comedy, like she sees comedy, So I haven't specifically
Speaker 2: asked her about Matt Rife. Sometimes she'll ask me what
Speaker 2: I think of someone, but yeah, no, I So I'm
Speaker 2: just like, the thought is exhausting to re explain all
Speaker 2: of that.
Speaker 6: To a new therapist, The idea of my therapist retiring
Speaker 6: or something like that. Yeah, that's I've had to find them.
Speaker 6: I remember how I found It's like it's.
Speaker 2: Like dating, like you can't just you have to assume that,
Speaker 2: Like you're gonna get some nose like you're gonna have
Speaker 2: some just miss aligne.
Speaker 1: I feel like you can get easily disappointed with the therapist.
Speaker 2: Have you had any breakthroughs that this therapist has a
Speaker 2: sist to do with in realizing certain things about yourself?
Speaker 6: I have had a few breakthroughs.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 6: I remember once this was this was with the therapist
Speaker 6: who I saw like a couple of times who was like,
Speaker 6: but he was like six hundred dollars an hour or so.
Speaker 6: He went from like four hundred to five hundred.
Speaker 1: You are going to some price.
Speaker 6: He's actually I think he's the one who actually led
Speaker 6: me to my current expensive therapist. But but I just
Speaker 6: had like one session with him and I was talking
Speaker 6: about some woman I was seeing a little bit, and
Speaker 6: he's like, because I think you're an easily smothered person,
Speaker 6: you need to find a sweet spot.
Speaker 1: Oh you're easily smothered. That's interesting to hear.
Speaker 6: But he goes, yeah, I know. But so that thought
Speaker 6: I was that was like, oh, yeah, that's.
Speaker 1: Why you're paying the big bucks. I guess he gives
Speaker 1: you a breakthrough in one session.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, he did nail that one pretty quick.
Speaker 2: It is nice when therapists just give you their opinion
Speaker 2: on you, and I'm like, can you just tell me
Speaker 2: what you think of this instead of having me come
Speaker 2: to the conclusion, like I want to know if it is.
Speaker 6: Do you just want like friend advice from a therapist, Yeah,
Speaker 6: don't want to be like I know in my family whatever,
Speaker 6: Just do I text her?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you need you need the strike. Yeah, He's just
Speaker 1: say that must have been hard for you. Like that's
Speaker 1: not helpful.
Speaker 2: God.
Speaker 6: I was like, if it's right, it's right, Like you
Speaker 6: shouldn't have to worry about when to text, that's what. Yes,
Speaker 6: Because I've had situations where like did I make a
Speaker 6: mistake sending out text? And I'm like, if that was
Speaker 6: a mistake, then.
Speaker 2: I don't think one text is going to make or
Speaker 2: break But I think they're like if you are someone
Speaker 2: who like you just have no like strategy, it is
Speaker 2: telling the other person like this person doesn't know how
Speaker 2: to exist in the world. Like that's the impassion that
Speaker 2: it's giving me, Like you you have no self awareness?
Speaker 2: But like, yeah, one text note is not going to
Speaker 2: make or break it. And also the reality the text
Speaker 2: is like on the outside your fucking house, right, now
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 2: The reality though, is the reaction that you're you would
Speaker 2: not want them to have if they did think that
Speaker 2: this was too much or too soon or whatever. Often times,
Speaker 2: if you're an even killed person such as yourself, if
Speaker 2: they actually did have that reaction, then it's like, we
Speaker 2: don't mesh.
Speaker 1: Like if you think I'm too intense or too then
Speaker 1: that's okay.
Speaker 2: That's why you want to be yourself at the beginning
Speaker 2: as much as you can, because if you don't like me, now,
Speaker 2: where where can we go from here?
Speaker 6: When I share my real self, it's gonna be brutal?
Speaker 1: What wait? So what are your what would you say
Speaker 1: your deepest flaw is and your biggest strength? Yeah, we
Speaker 1: went back to that. We we can't therapy like I
Speaker 1: want to. You're you're an actualized man.
Speaker 6: I don't have a sub scriprophone when I do therapy usually,
Speaker 6: But uh, well, I think it might be anxiety. Yeah,
Speaker 6: I mean even just habits of mine, like a little
Speaker 6: bit ADHD and I guess that's not a habit, but
Speaker 6: I think I think that might be challenging to date. Yeah,
Speaker 6: I mean, if you don't want to come to an apartment,
Speaker 6: that's very neat. Then you might be disappointed. Don't come
Speaker 6: to But I do think that I like I said,
Speaker 6: I think I listened, and I think if you if
Speaker 6: I feel like I'm good. If someone says this, you
Speaker 6: did this, something happened that bother me, I go, let's
Speaker 6: I take it seriously. I don't get defensive. That's not
Speaker 6: that I've never gotten defensive.
Speaker 1: Sure, right, but you don't get an ego about it. No,
Speaker 1: I'm too great to get an ego about here. There's
Speaker 1: a tumble narciss.
Speaker 2: So I have a couple other girly questions that there's
Speaker 2: this Instagram account called the Alasco that we follow, and
Speaker 2: they're asking these questions that are kind of like cosmopolitan
Speaker 2: questions that women would maybe ask each other.
Speaker 1: But I thought it'd be funny to ask you, Todd Berry,
Speaker 1: you to Barry, what's a non sexual thing that turns
Speaker 1: you on that a partner could do?
Speaker 6: Oh? I like that question. I mean it's great if
Speaker 6: they laugh at my shit.
Speaker 1: Really, it's such a comedian. I know you are.
Speaker 2: But women, you know, when women have a crush on
Speaker 2: somebody and they want to like move it forward, A
Speaker 2: lot of times we'll subconsciously or consciously laugh too much.
Speaker 6: You're saying, my stuff's not good. I've been on coned.
Speaker 1: No, you have, even if Mike loved that.
Speaker 6: Non sexual things. I mean, so can it be a
Speaker 6: touch or sure? I mean, I mean my last girlfriend
Speaker 6: I used to love when we'd walk around and she
Speaker 6: would just put her arm around me before, like you know,
Speaker 6: like on her own, without.
Speaker 1: But without you initiating. Yeah, not that I didn't initiate,
Speaker 1: but right, but it's nice when the woman loved that.
Speaker 6: I don't know if that was yeah, I mean sexual
Speaker 6: turn on.
Speaker 1: Right, but it turned you on, It turned your heart on.
Speaker 6: Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 2: You never a lot like women taking initiative. Yeah, what's
Speaker 2: the most caring thing a partner has ever done for you?
Speaker 2: I mean.
Speaker 1: Girl talk with Todd Berry.
Speaker 6: Like, I mean, I've had I've broken down in front
Speaker 6: of a few women.
Speaker 5: That's good.
Speaker 6: You'll talk about like my parents who aren't around anymore.
Speaker 6: There's times where it's like it was really fresher than
Speaker 6: it is now, and just like I looked at a
Speaker 6: picture of my mom for the first time and I
Speaker 6: just lost it, lost it. Yeah, So and then they
Speaker 6: leave me immediately because they think I'm weak. No, they
Speaker 6: so that kind of thing, just being there for you, Yeah,
Speaker 6: to do being there for me when I'm doing something
Speaker 6: where I might be like, oh man, should I.
Speaker 1: Be doing this in front of this person?
Speaker 2: Right? Yeah?
Speaker 6: Because I can't. I mean, have you had guys crying
Speaker 6: for any here?
Speaker 2: You are?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it, she loves I can't.
Speaker 6: I feel like grin. I think you would be like
Speaker 6: you would, it would be over.
Speaker 2: I think I'm surprisingly a lot different than you would
Speaker 2: think I am a relationship.
Speaker 6: Yeah, all right then yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: There what kind of cry are we talking about?
Speaker 6: You know, like is it not just talking about yeah.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, but like genuinely feeling crying.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's something I've handled a level of crying. Actually
Speaker 2: that was probably beyond what either of you have handled
Speaker 2: and I shouldn't have handled.
Speaker 1: Yes, for sure, I think just like you're having a
Speaker 1: mental breakdown.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I can't, well, I can't be You got
Speaker 2: to be good, good get you know, you got to
Speaker 2: be in good shape entering the relationship, and sometimes you're not.
Speaker 1: And that's okay.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I love when a man feels comfortable because
Speaker 2: the masculine. We just did a series on masculinity this
Speaker 2: past month and how it can really stunt men because
Speaker 2: whenever you put a blanket over any part of yourself.
Speaker 2: And for women we get different cultural things that we
Speaker 2: put blankets over, but for men, it's being in touch
Speaker 2: with your emotions.
Speaker 1: That's a big one.
Speaker 2: And so because of that stuntedness, it's nice to be
Speaker 2: around a man who doesn't care, is comfortable. Like I
Speaker 2: was talking about earlier with Colin, it's like the hair thing.
Speaker 2: He's like, I don't care, and I'm like, whoa, that's
Speaker 2: so sexy that you don't care. So the same in
Speaker 2: the same respect, when a man has an experience and
Speaker 2: he's emotional about and he's not afraid to show it.
Speaker 2: I have such great respect for that, especially considering the
Speaker 2: uphill be out of that is masculinity. Yeah, like if
Speaker 2: a woman was you know, called you like the F
Speaker 2: word or something for for crying over your dead parents,
Speaker 2: she needs there.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it is, You're right, it is kind of bottom
Speaker 6: of the barrel, right, respons I.
Speaker 2: Mean, like there's obviously like if it's like, okay, it's
Speaker 2: every day, it's five years after it happened, and you
Speaker 2: literally everything reminds you of mom and dad and you're
Speaker 2: not really doing anything to move forward.
Speaker 1: That's then, yes, there's a stuntedness somewhere that we gotta
Speaker 1: but I think of a parent like every now and then,
Speaker 1: like it's just gonna you know, you're it's just gonna
Speaker 1: hit you for probably the rest of your life. My dad,
Speaker 1: my Dad's I'm speaking from like I get it.
Speaker 2: So yeah, Like I'm like, I think this is just
Speaker 2: gonna be a thing that every now and then, Like
Speaker 2: I'm just I was just like walking through you know
Speaker 2: how they put all the Christmas trees up, and just
Speaker 2: like for me, like that really reminded me, like me
Speaker 2: of my dad. So now I was just like walking
Speaker 2: last week and around with all the Cris Smiths tree
Speaker 2: things up, just like crying over the concept of Christmas trees.
Speaker 2: And you know, I'm like, oh, my dad died like
Speaker 2: two and a half years ago. But I'm like, Okay, well,
Speaker 2: I guess this is just something that somehow made you said, No,
Speaker 2: it's not, but I go, but it's like it's the unexpectedness.
Speaker 1: Of it that's a pain in the ass, right, And
Speaker 1: you go, what the fuck? My dad's Jewish? Why are
Speaker 1: Christmas trees making me think of him?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: Do you get hit by a grief with your the
Speaker 1: loss of your parents kind of at random?
Speaker 6: Well, I mean yeah, I do. Like I mean just
Speaker 6: the other day it hit me like, oh, today was
Speaker 6: the day the anniversary won my dad died. Sure, Thanksgiving
Speaker 6: in twenty seventeen, and also not that long ago.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's kind of like that on a major holiday,
Speaker 1: which is fucking annoyed.
Speaker 6: Well, there was a time like when my dad was alive,
Speaker 6: my mom was had died in two thousand and six,
Speaker 6: I think it was two thousand and six. Yeah, and
Speaker 6: I had I just couldn't bring myself to look at
Speaker 6: a picture of her, these pictures, I mean for a
Speaker 6: long time, maybe glanced at one or two, and then
Speaker 6: I said, you know, I got to look at her,
Speaker 6: and then I just was fucking games.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it was brutal.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I got it's your parents. I mean, it's your Yeah.
Speaker 2: I have my dad's ashes like literally still in the
Speaker 2: bag from the synagogue under like a bureau for like
Speaker 2: two years, and I'm like and I'm like, Dad, you know,
Speaker 2: this isn't disrespectable.
Speaker 1: I'm just like not ready to like put you on
Speaker 1: the mantle yet.
Speaker 2: And then I finally like finally felt ready and I
Speaker 2: like put him out and I'm like suck, you know,
Speaker 2: like I just say hi now, But I'm like it
Speaker 2: just I needed it. I needed it in the bag
Speaker 2: for a while because'm like, I know you're here, I
Speaker 2: can't have you out yet.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's too painful and you're not ready to do that.
Speaker 6: Then I don't think that's that's not disrespectful. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I imagine like the death of a parent would be
Speaker 2: like when you go through a breakup, but for the
Speaker 2: rest of your life, right, Like it's like this permanent
Speaker 2: thing that's like always going to be fresh.
Speaker 1: When when these pockets have like and it brings up
Speaker 1: all was I good son?
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's the word I was looking for.
Speaker 1: Do you think you were oh?
Speaker 6: Man, uh wow, I guess I brought this up. I
Speaker 6: think I could have been better, Yeah, as I wasn't
Speaker 6: like mean, I just think I was like leave me
Speaker 6: alone totally, and I wish you know, you know, taking
Speaker 6: my mom on a vacation or something like that, Yeah,
Speaker 6: instead of being like you're smothering.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's yeah, I've tried to reflect on that.
Speaker 6: But I also remember like going to visit like my
Speaker 6: parents and they're just like getting they would drive me crazy.
Speaker 6: And then you talk to other people and like like, yeah,
Speaker 6: of course you went everyone. Yeah, not many of us
Speaker 6: crazy by their parents.
Speaker 1: But yeah, yeah, it's a narrative. That's you know, it's
Speaker 1: it's it's common.
Speaker 6: Did this ship get too heavy for this show?
Speaker 1: No, we do this all the time. We love openly crying.
Speaker 1: Oh too much? But whatever. Yeah, we're always on here. Well,
Speaker 1: let's I have two more questions from this girl list.
Speaker 1: It's a funny one to ask you, tod Berry.
Speaker 2: Todd Berry, what's the spiciest place you've ever hooked up?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 6: Can I not answer that one? No?
Speaker 1: I actually have to.
Speaker 2: I would love it if you could, though, Come on,
Speaker 2: how was it was? Are you embarrassed because it wasn't
Speaker 2: spicy enough?
Speaker 1: Or was too spicy?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: Spicy, honey.
Speaker 6: That's my twenty seventeen Netflix.
Speaker 1: Because it's super good, one of my favorite specials. Fantastic special. Yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you, you're very comedian.
Speaker 6: Thank you very much.
Speaker 1: Let's uh, the next one I have another one? Is
Speaker 1: cheating ever forgivable?
Speaker 6: You know this is going to be sound unbelievable. I've
Speaker 6: never cheated, not one time ever, but I don't think
Speaker 6: it's I think it's an individual. Yeah, I don't think
Speaker 6: I would forget. I'm not sure if I've been cheated on.
Speaker 6: I think I may have been right. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 6: have like any smoking gun kind of like or confessions.
Speaker 6: I don't. I mean I would think that I I
Speaker 6: would actually, you know, not want to be forgiving of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I would want to ruin everyone's life who was involved.
Speaker 1: With that's that is also the stance that I would take. Thoughts,
Speaker 1: I command you. There's something about cheating. There's this we
Speaker 1: talk about. I've talked about this book of by Esther
Speaker 1: Parro called The State of Affairs.
Speaker 2: It's a great book, and I love her advice, and
Speaker 2: I wish I wish I could also stand by it.
Speaker 1: I love your theorists.
Speaker 2: Yes, and I wish I thought like that she's cooler
Speaker 2: than me, Esther and Karin's cooler than me with this stuff.
Speaker 1: I'm not cool with cheating.
Speaker 2: No, But like like you were saying, like, oh, if
Speaker 2: you if you make out with somebody, you can just
Speaker 2: tell me kind of thing, right, And the idea of
Speaker 2: my boyfriend making it out with somebody not even having sex, oh, yes,
Speaker 2: devastating I agree, I don't care.
Speaker 1: See, the thing with me is like someone else.
Speaker 2: You know what pisses me off, It's when I have
Speaker 2: to hear it from somebody else, and then I look
Speaker 2: like a fucking schmock.
Speaker 1: Oh that is that's awful.
Speaker 2: If I'm in a relationship with you, we have a
Speaker 2: fucking pact, We have each other's backs. And if you
Speaker 2: fuck up and you get drunk and you make up
Speaker 2: with someone, okay, I can forgive that, but I better
Speaker 2: fucking hear it from.
Speaker 1: You, you little baby bitch. Yeah no, I like that
Speaker 1: if you fuck.
Speaker 2: If you're someone else, Oh oh yeah, yo, because that
Speaker 2: is way worse, oh worse.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh my god, that's so embarrassing. Yeah, that's also
Speaker 1: happened to me my first ever boyfriend. That's why I
Speaker 1: always somebody on Aim was like grand cheating on you,
Speaker 1: and I'm like what. That's why I was so angry
Speaker 1: at James.
Speaker 2: I heard it from that and I knew, and I
Speaker 2: had asked him already, and I said, if I if
Speaker 2: I had heard from this from you, it would literally
Speaker 2: your whole You might still be in New York.
Speaker 1: I might not have to run you out of this
Speaker 1: fucking town. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, And that
Speaker 1: was the issue.
Speaker 6: I go.
Speaker 1: I don't know how much clear I can make this
Speaker 1: to you.
Speaker 2: The fact that I had to hear it from someone
Speaker 2: else when I directly asked you, I'm getting I'm angry,
Speaker 2: angry about it now.
Speaker 1: It's infuriating. It's such a black Yeah.
Speaker 2: But because there's something too, and I think this is
Speaker 2: part of es Paro's thing as well with it. There's
Speaker 2: something too like owning up to your mistake very honestly
Speaker 2: and bluntly to the person that you kind of had
Speaker 2: the crime against. That allows for a repair. Yeah, it
Speaker 2: goes I do you have the respect for me after
Speaker 2: all we've been through. It's like we're all create like animals, Like, Yeah,
Speaker 2: the fact that you might have fucked someone or meet
Speaker 2: out with someone, I can get past that.
Speaker 1: We've all been we've all been there.
Speaker 2: But what if you came to me the way Karen's describing,
Speaker 2: if you were like Christina, I'm I fucked up.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I'm really disappointed with myself. But this happened,
Speaker 1: and he did it right away.
Speaker 6: What's going to happen again? And that they did, they're insincere,
Speaker 6: but that's just.
Speaker 7: Me, But what information about the person would have like,
Speaker 7: you know, I would have told I feel like you
Speaker 7: don't know, it's hard to get back past the Honestly,
Speaker 7: butt her is how I described the feeling of being
Speaker 7: but her.
Speaker 1: I would be so but her if I.
Speaker 6: Don't know if I said I, but I suspect that
Speaker 6: it's possible, right, Yeah, And.
Speaker 2: If you had to find if you found out from
Speaker 2: someone that wasn't the person you were dating, I'll make
Speaker 2: I dedicate my energy to making your life bad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll fucking just you.
Speaker 7: Wait.
Speaker 1: Yeah, ain't nothing get me to focus. Like revenge.
Speaker 6: I don't know how much. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't forget,
Speaker 6: But I don't know how much revenge I would actually
Speaker 6: act on or if I would fantasize.
Speaker 2: But one time my guy was cheating on me who
Speaker 2: lived in my building, and my friend and I put
Speaker 2: a mixture of dog poop and old fish under his doormat.
Speaker 1: Really yeah, I was, I was twenty eight. No, but
Speaker 1: he smell it smelled and made its apartment Smellah.
Speaker 6: No, I know you.
Speaker 1: I was pretty making a bad joke, my first ever
Speaker 1: bad joke. Well right here on guys with us, Thank
Speaker 1: you so much.
Speaker 2: I took Todd's bad joke virginity nice. Okay, so that's yeah,
Speaker 2: those are the girliest questions. I don't want to ask
Speaker 2: you this question. I'm too shy to ask you that question. Yeah,
Speaker 2: too shy to ask I just don't think you'd want
Speaker 2: to answer it. The question is what do you consider
Speaker 2: to be good secks?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, that's why I thought you did that. Like,
Speaker 1: and I go off of the guest comfortability. So if
Speaker 1: you're not comfortable going, thank you.
Speaker 6: It's like when I do crowd work, if I see
Speaker 6: someone that's not into talking.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, thank you for coming on. Guys.
Speaker 2: I just non consensually asked Tod of question I forgive.
Speaker 2: So you have a special out on YouTube. On YouTube,
Speaker 2: it's free unless you want to buy it. There's places
Speaker 2: where you can buy it. But I can't imagine why
Speaker 2: you would do that. No, you should buy it. That's
Speaker 2: why I don't. That's why I'm not wealthier because I
Speaker 2: say things like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, no.
Speaker 6: It's on YouTube. It's called Domestic Short Hair. It's uh
Speaker 6: filmed in Chicago.
Speaker 1: Oh nice?
Speaker 6: Uh yeah, check it out.
Speaker 1: Nice.
Speaker 2: Tod's extremely funny, a great coma you are one of
Speaker 2: the great comedians.
Speaker 6: Thank you.
Speaker 1: What's your social media we got you got to follow
Speaker 1: Todd online?
Speaker 6: I'm too private to give it. Uh, No, it's us.
Speaker 6: It's Todd Berry on the Instagram, Todd Berry dot com
Speaker 6: for my website with a pretty nice website. Uh, pretty
Speaker 6: nice web.
Speaker 1: You're just comfort with it.
Speaker 2: Talking about like plugging yourself is actually making me uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: I rather go and talk to you about Twitter, the
Speaker 1: shitty Twitter y. Yeah, very funny on Twitter.
Speaker 6: I like that. That's that's so less fun than it
Speaker 6: used to be.
Speaker 1: I know it used to be my favorite app. And no,
Speaker 1: it sucks.
Speaker 2: And I really feel for people like you and like
Speaker 2: Current who were great tweeters likem is going down and
Speaker 2: I loved it.
Speaker 1: I don't deserve your talent anymore.
Speaker 6: I'm shockingly mad at him for taking our blue checks away.
Speaker 1: Yeah I am too.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's just ship had to have them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's you guys. I have them. I didn't
Speaker 1: pay neither.
Speaker 6: What's you didn't have one?
Speaker 1: Did you pay?
Speaker 6: I am no?
Speaker 1: That's what that man?
Speaker 6: All right, all right, we didn't need to end on that.
Speaker 6: We can cut that.
Speaker 1: Watch Todd Berry Special on YouTube. Domestic domestic short hair.
Speaker 1: Yeah and follow on Instagram, follow on social media. Guys,
Speaker 1: thank you so much, Todd.
Speaker 6: Thanks, this was fun. Appreciate that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we enjoyed talking to you. Okay, this has been Guys.
Speaker 1: We Fucked the anti sluts shaming podcast. We'll talk to
Speaker 1: you next Friday. Guys, We Fucked is presented by Luminary,
Speaker 1: Created and hosted by Karen Fisher and Christina Hutchinson. Editing
Speaker 1: and music coordination by Mike Coscarelli. Theme song by Rob
Speaker 1: Patterson and Jake Cozen Suck my wet ass pussy. Christina
Speaker 1: said to cut that before, but now it's in their Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's keep it. Who cares