Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that just got baptized in pumpkin
Speaker 1: spice holy water. That's why all the priests were licking it,
Speaker 1: and no other reason than that. It's Laser Stories, the
Speaker 1: segment where we read weird news stories around the globe,
Speaker 1: just like everyone else does, except we have a laser
Speaker 1: and those other fail Marys just don't this first Laser
Speaker 1: Stories out of Knoxville, Tennessee. A woman looked out her
Speaker 1: window last week around eleven thirty am and some guys
Speaker 1: she didn't know was using a power outlet in her
Speaker 1: yard to charge his phone. That's random, that's really funny.
Speaker 1: She could only see his head because bushes were obstructing
Speaker 1: the rest, so she went outside to tell him to
Speaker 1: beat it. But unfortunately, when she got out there, she
Speaker 1: saw him completely naked. Oh my god, and he was
Speaker 1: literally beating it. Oh gosh, fro not that. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't like this story. All this is in broad
Speaker 1: daylight too, people. So the woman ran back into the house,
Speaker 1: locked her doors and called the cops, and when officers arrived,
Speaker 1: they found him lying on the ground with his pants
Speaker 1: still around his ankles and phone on fifteen percent battery.
Speaker 1: It's very accurate. Did they put that in the police report?
Speaker 1: They charged him with public indecency and yes, he did
Speaker 1: ask the judge if it was okay to charge his
Speaker 1: phone at that same house if he was clothed in
Speaker 1: the future. The answer was no, just at this point,
Speaker 1: you stay away from the house. Yeah. This next laser
Speaker 1: stories out of stream work make the dream work. If
Speaker 1: you've been around a kid lately that has an alexa,
Speaker 1: then you know what their favorite thing to ask for
Speaker 1: is a song about bodily functions. Oh my kids are
Speaker 1: all about it. It's true. Some of the most popular
Speaker 1: songs off Amazon are all about poop, diapers, butts, and
Speaker 1: dog feces. Oh my, my kids are the They like
Speaker 1: the farts. Yeah yeah. One musician who wrote a song
Speaker 1: about it says it's all started at his music school
Speaker 1: where he was teaching a songwriting session to four year olds.
Speaker 1: Yet well, he asked them to give him five syllables
Speaker 1: to start, and one girl screamed poopy, stupid butt, And
Speaker 1: then the next ten minutes he spent writing the rest
Speaker 1: of that song. Dude, I like that he leaned into it.
Speaker 1: Good for him, and that is funny. She should be
Speaker 1: a comedian. Yeah, poopy stupid butt. He put it up
Speaker 1: on Amazon Music for his students to hear, but when
Speaker 1: he checked his account a week later, it had hundreds
Speaker 1: of dollars in it, all from people who bought poopy
Speaker 1: stupid butt. Sounds like a wicked Morning character. Here stupid, yep,
Speaker 1: here's a clip of it. Yeay, poopy stupid. But they
Speaker 1: goes in on the body, do a construction in the
Speaker 1: under way. He goes bob start playing on the I
Speaker 1: am so jealous because if you can believe this, that
Speaker 1: song has now been streamed over ten million times. That's
Speaker 1: a lot more money. Yeah thousands now. Another prolific kids songwriter,
Speaker 1: Matt Farley, has recorded over twenty three thousand songs for
Speaker 1: Amazon Music. His Poop Poop Poop Poop song by far
Speaker 1: most popular one. He estimates that's been streamed about eight
Speaker 1: million times. My God. Even the French song La chansons
Speaker 1: Ducaca has over one million streams, suggesting children in France
Speaker 1: just yelled kaka at their elections. The head in our
Speaker 1: house is farting around the house. That's the one that
Speaker 1: play yeah by Alexa's gonna have a lot of work
Speaker 1: to do when I get home. Yeah, let's go to
Speaker 1: your next laser story out of the world of work.
Speaker 1: If you've got this skill on your resume, your time
Speaker 1: has finally come because a company in the Netherlands is
Speaker 1: looking for a part time employee, and there's one very
Speaker 1: important skill you have to have to land the gig.
Speaker 1: You must be able to puke on command. From the
Speaker 1: story into the puke story. It's a job at a
Speaker 1: clinic in Ansterdam that treats different types of phobias like
Speaker 1: fear of heights and fear of needles, but they also
Speaker 1: treat lesser known phobias like fear of vomiting. Wow. Wait,
Speaker 1: so people are paying this clinic to go watch somebody
Speaker 1: vomit just go out with Alexis on a Saturday night.
Speaker 1: Pretty well. Yeah. The technical name for it is emidophobia,
Speaker 1: and according to their job description, if you can spew
Speaker 1: at will, they want you to sit in on therapy
Speaker 1: sessions and help people face their fear and just let
Speaker 1: it rip right in front of the Oh it's like
Speaker 1: a boring scene from the Exorcist. We assumed it was
Speaker 1: a temporary gig, but sounds like it's semi permanent. They're
Speaker 1: only hiring now because their last professional puker retired recently.
Speaker 1: He's been doing it for forty two years, and he
Speaker 1: earned himself a nice pension. Damn, if you're a professional puker,
Speaker 1: do you ever call him sick? That literally your job
Speaker 1: pretty much, you get it, you get a raise. If
Speaker 1: it sounds like that might be your dream job, you're weird. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you've also got some competition, because they say around one
Speaker 1: hundred people have already reached out saying they're interested. One
Speaker 1: guy even sent a recording on SoundCloud. Please don't play that.
Speaker 1: Please don't say we don't have that. We'll just get
Speaker 1: to your next laser story. Out of survey world, a
Speaker 1: new pole found half the country thinks the other half
Speaker 1: is completely delusional. Yeah, that checks out. We're not talking
Speaker 1: about politics, we're talking chores. Oh yeah. The survey looked
Speaker 1: at how much housework men and women in relationships are doing.
Speaker 1: Oh I see, and the two sides don't seem to agree.
Speaker 1: Either women don't realize just how much guys are pitching in,
Speaker 1: or men think they're doing way more than they really are.
Speaker 1: What's your deal, weirdo, I'm gonna go with probably the
Speaker 1: second one is true. Back already assuming unappreciative. Here's a
Speaker 1: few chores and how people in relationships said they're divvied up.
Speaker 1: Number one's laundry. Seventy seven percent of women say they
Speaker 1: do most of it, just fifty five percent of men agree.
Speaker 1: My husband actually does our laundry. Whoa, But he doesn't
Speaker 1: fold it or put it away because the washer's not
Speaker 1: very far from his at home desk. Okay, that's the
Speaker 1: easy part. He does the laundry poorly. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: he's halfway there. Number two budgeting and paying bills. Fifty
Speaker 1: one percent of women and fifty eight percent of men
Speaker 1: both think it's something they take the lead on each month.
Speaker 1: Somebody's not right. Ye. That adds up to one hundred
Speaker 1: and nine percent, So something's off here. And Number three
Speaker 1: is child's care. Fifty of moms say they do the
Speaker 1: majority of it, but just thirty percent of dads agreed.
Speaker 1: Oh what really, they think they do the majority. They
Speaker 1: think they're doing a heavier lift when it comes to
Speaker 1: taking care of the kiddos. I just took them over,
Speaker 1: I screaming yesterday. I talked to him once this week. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a few chores that were not so split on women.
Speaker 1: Tend to agree that men deal with taking out the
Speaker 1: trash and mowing the lawn more. Yeah. Yeah, men tend
Speaker 1: to agree that women do more of the cleaning in general. Sucks.
Speaker 1: I think men need to give women more credit. Oh
Speaker 1: and turtles need all the credit that they can get. Okay,
Speaker 1: In fact, he's mowing the lawn right now. Hear what
Speaker 1: you want to hear. That sound means Laser Stories has
Speaker 1: come to an end for the day. We'll do it again,
Speaker 1: same time on Friday.