Speaker 1: Congratulations, you've been accepted into the inaugural class of Therapy
Speaker 1: for Black Girls University. Whether you're packing for a new
Speaker 1: year on campus, thinking through your gap year and rolling
Speaker 1: in a community college, or grabbing your souls for graduation,
Speaker 1: tbgu is here to help you thrive at this stage
Speaker 1: of your life and beyond.
Speaker 2: Hi. I'm sorrya Taylor, and I'm the TBG podcast production intern.
Speaker 2: We'll return to Jana right after the break.
Speaker 1: Winter break has either commenced or is about to commence
Speaker 1: at most universities. If you're a student, then you know
Speaker 1: that the transition of having your own dorm room and
Speaker 1: being able to go out whenever you want to, coming
Speaker 1: home and having a curfew can be a rough experience.
Speaker 1: For this month's episode, I wanted to put together a
Speaker 1: roundtable discussion with other college students to affirm and share
Speaker 1: our own experiences navigating our relationships with our loved ones
Speaker 1: in college. Today's episode is titled Navigating Helicopter Parents. What's
Speaker 1: a helicopter parent? A helicopter parent is a parent who
Speaker 1: pays very close attention to their child's experiences and problems,
Speaker 1: especially at educational institutions. Joining me for this discussion are
Speaker 1: Zoe Rose and Heaven Holloway. Zoe is a junior journalism
Speaker 1: major and English minor attending Hampton University. She currently works
Speaker 1: as a writer for her campus. Heaven is a current
Speaker 1: grad student earning her Masters of Science in Marriage and
Speaker 1: Family Therapy. She recently graduated from UCLA with a BA
Speaker 1: in psychology and a minor in African American studies. In
Speaker 1: our conversation today, we limit the woes of having helicopter parents,
Speaker 1: provide to for students trying to set healthy boundaries with
Speaker 1: their caregivers, and share some of the upsides of having
Speaker 1: an involved parent. Here's our conversation. Hi, Zobe, Hi Heaven,
Speaker 1: thank you for being here today. So I'm so excited
Speaker 1: we're talking about helicopter parents, and so to kick us off,
Speaker 1: I want to start off with some definitions to get
Speaker 1: us grounded. So, a helicopter parent is defined by parents
Speaker 1: dot com as a style of parenting where caregivers are
Speaker 1: highly involved in their child's life. Some pop culture examples
Speaker 1: you may be familiar with are Mingling in the Pixar
Speaker 1: film Turning Red or Marlin from Finding Nemo. I want
Speaker 1: to know from y'all, how would you describe the level
Speaker 1: of involvement your parents had in your life during your
Speaker 1: earlier years and throughout high school.
Speaker 3: All start definitely, say, within like my earlier years, middle
Speaker 3: school and high school, there was heavy involvement that my
Speaker 3: parents had in my life. I definitely feel like this
Speaker 3: sort of became stronger in high school, especially when I
Speaker 3: wanted to go out, when I started to sort of
Speaker 3: make new friends or like different groups of friends, navigating
Speaker 3: who I wanted to become. I definitely felt like that
Speaker 3: influence of say a helicopter parent was very strong and
Speaker 3: didn't necessarily level out. Usually it levels out your senior
Speaker 3: year and then you step into that freedom of college.
Speaker 3: But I feel like, definitely, all throughout my four years
Speaker 3: of high school, it was this heavy influence of helicopter
Speaker 3: parenting that was definitely felt. And I can say that
Speaker 3: entering my college experience had its impacts on me, and
Speaker 3: those lasting impacts from the way it was in high
Speaker 3: school for sure.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would like to second everything Zoe said.
Speaker 5: I feel like, definitely in high school, I felt the
Speaker 5: pressure of my parents' involvement.
Speaker 4: There was just a lot more rules.
Speaker 5: Regulations surrounding, like Zoe said, like expanding friend groups, meeting
Speaker 5: new people and things like that. I feel like it
Speaker 5: didn't really let up until maybe my junior year of college,
Speaker 5: which is a really long time. So definitely definitely a
Speaker 5: lot of involvement, and it started to lessen the more
Speaker 5: I got deeper into my undergraduate experience. But yeah, definitely strong.
Speaker 1: Gotcha, So what came up between you and the adults
Speaker 1: in your life during your college application process?
Speaker 3: For me, throughout my college application process, it was already stressful,
Speaker 3: incredibly stressful in and of itself, but I think that
Speaker 3: on top of that was in the back of my
Speaker 3: mind this need to be like, Okay, I do want
Speaker 3: to apply to the schools that I want to apply to,
Speaker 3: but I also want to do it in a way
Speaker 3: that would make my parents happy. And I felt that
Speaker 3: pressure more so, and so I feel like that did
Speaker 3: have its impacts going about the college process and choosing
Speaker 3: whether or not I should apply to this school or
Speaker 3: even down to like the program or like specific major.
Speaker 3: I sort of felt like I needed to confide in
Speaker 3: my parents before I even asked myself. So I definitely
Speaker 3: think that was a very strong influence there on my
Speaker 3: college application process for sure.
Speaker 5: Yeah, again, I'm the second everything Zoe said, it was
Speaker 5: very stressful for me with just trying to navigate the
Speaker 5: application process alone, and then I had like other things
Speaker 5: from my support system, so having led me like oh,
Speaker 5: you can't fig a school that's more than twelve hours away,
Speaker 5: or like this major, I don't know if that's the
Speaker 5: right fit for you. So very much a lot of involvment,
Speaker 5: even decision making, to where sometimes it felt like the
Speaker 5: choice wasn't really up to me. It was a joint agreement,
Speaker 5: like if there wasn't one party that agreed with what
Speaker 5: I wanted, then it wouldn't really happen. And so I'm
Speaker 5: from the West Coast, so I kind of had to
Speaker 5: stay on the West Coast when it comes to police
Speaker 5: and I didn't get to experience that out of state
Speaker 5: experience or anything like that. So yeah, it was just
Speaker 5: a lot of going back and forth about what I'm
Speaker 5: going to decide, what major I picked, what school I
Speaker 5: would even apply and tend to, and so that was
Speaker 5: a little frustrating for me.
Speaker 4: But there's pros and constant everything, and I.
Speaker 5: Feel like maybe it's what I need in the moment,
Speaker 5: didn't know, but yeah, it was definitely frustrating in that moment,
Speaker 5: having that back and forth and feeling like the decision
Speaker 5: is not really up to me.
Speaker 1: No, I fully agree and relate to the both of y'all.
Speaker 1: Like for me, my decisions were heavily influenced by my family,
Speaker 1: and so I didn't establish or know that I didn't
Speaker 1: want to be in the major or this program until
Speaker 1: I actually got into the classroom. By the time you're
Speaker 1: already too deep into it, I was making all of
Speaker 1: my decisions and considerations with my parents in mine my
Speaker 1: family and mind, and so I didn't have my own
Speaker 1: autonomy and it didn't really feel like much. But once
Speaker 1: I set foot in the first class and I was like, wait,
Speaker 1: I don't like this, That's when it kind of hit
Speaker 1: like I didn't make any of these decis decisions for me,
Speaker 1: and that was when I needed to have some self talk.
Speaker 1: So Heaven you touched on this already. Did you attend
Speaker 1: a local school out of state and did your parents
Speaker 1: have any influence on the type of schools that you
Speaker 1: applied to?
Speaker 5: Yes, definitely, I went to school in state, so I'm
Speaker 5: from California and LA Area, so I went to UCLA.
Speaker 5: My parents had a big impact on the school that
Speaker 5: I chose again, like it was a twelve hour drive rule,
Speaker 5: Like if I can't get to you twelve hours, then
Speaker 5: it's a no for me. So that played a huge
Speaker 5: factor into my decision. Also, there was just like schools
Speaker 5: that my parents really liked. My dad loves UCLA and
Speaker 5: so he was like, oh, yeah, you're going there, even
Speaker 5: before I could make the decision for myself. And so
Speaker 5: I felt that pressure in that aspect make my family
Speaker 5: proud of the decision that I made. And UCLA is
Speaker 5: a great school, but part of me wants to go
Speaker 5: to Howard, part of me wants to go to HBCU,
Speaker 5: and I just felt like there was like a pressure
Speaker 5: to live up to a certain expectation. So I chose
Speaker 5: to go to UCLA. And yeah, my parents had a
Speaker 5: big influence on the school that I chose, and not
Speaker 5: necessarily for the worst, but you know, it's still just
Speaker 5: felt like I wish I had the option to choose
Speaker 5: to go where I felt maybe I would have a
Speaker 5: different experience or get away and experience what it's like
Speaker 5: to be in a different area and grow into myself
Speaker 5: in a different place.
Speaker 1: Zoe, what was your experience like anything to add.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So for me, I'm originally from New Jersey and
Speaker 3: I go to school in Hampton, so that's about like
Speaker 3: a seven hour drive from Jersey to Virginia. I want
Speaker 3: to say that in terms of location, it wasn't necessarily
Speaker 3: the huge influence of where I was, but it was
Speaker 3: more so an influence of where you're going, like what
Speaker 3: school you're going to. I knew that I wanted to
Speaker 3: go to an HBCU and that was always in my
Speaker 3: head since freshman year, but it was a matter of, Okay,
Speaker 3: are these day HBCUs want to go to and sort
Speaker 3: of like me second guessing myself because I knew that
Speaker 3: may not make them proud and things like that. So
Speaker 3: I feel like that influenced them. Of course, in the end,
Speaker 3: I ended up going to one of my top schools
Speaker 3: and things like that, and they were proud. But it's
Speaker 3: still a matter of that process of being like, Okay,
Speaker 3: am I doing this because I want to do this?
Speaker 3: Or am I doing this because I want to make
Speaker 3: them proud? And like this is the school that they
Speaker 3: would like and things like that. So at the end
Speaker 3: of the day, I did attend a school that I'm
Speaker 3: so in love with that I'm so proud of, but
Speaker 3: it's a matter of that influence.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure. How did your relationship with your loved
Speaker 1: ones evolve when you entered college? Like, what were the
Speaker 1: first few months of your freshman year like for you
Speaker 1: and your family?
Speaker 3: For me, I think towards the beginning, especially my freshman year,
Speaker 3: I was very very reliant on my parents, And that's
Speaker 3: why I think in that sense it was sort of
Speaker 3: helicopter parenting because I was very reliant on them and
Speaker 3: they didn't leave room for independence. So I think that
Speaker 3: sort of allowed me to struggle a lot more than
Speaker 3: a lot of other people would, because when you're in college,
Speaker 3: you step into your independence, you're sort of forced to
Speaker 3: step into your independence. But me, I didn't necessarily feel
Speaker 3: like I had to because my parents were constantly there.
Speaker 3: So I think that my freshman year and even my
Speaker 3: sophomore year very reliant on my parents, whether that be financially,
Speaker 3: whether that be anything. I was incredibly reliant on them,
Speaker 3: and I think that forced me to struggle a lot
Speaker 3: in knowing what I wanted to do, how to go
Speaker 3: about it independently, and those are fundamental things that you
Speaker 3: learn in college. But in terms of our relationship evolving,
Speaker 3: I do think that we grew closer because I was
Speaker 3: still relyant on them, but of course there's proso cous
Speaker 3: to that always.
Speaker 5: So yeah, yeah, I definitely feel that my freshman year,
Speaker 5: my parents were there, but they weren't there. It was
Speaker 5: like a lot of rules and things that I had
Speaker 5: to abide by while being on campus, which is crazy
Speaker 5: because like, how.
Speaker 4: Are you going to enforce these rules?
Speaker 5: But like, I think that being the type of person
Speaker 5: that I am, I always again wanted to like make
Speaker 5: my parents proud of me and make them happy with
Speaker 5: my decision, so.
Speaker 4: I kind of adhere to them just out of not
Speaker 4: wanting to cause tensions.
Speaker 5: So there was a lot of times where I had
Speaker 5: certain rules that I had to do and then my
Speaker 5: friends would be like you have to do that, and
Speaker 5: I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm so sorry, and stuff like
Speaker 5: that that I feel like sometimes impeded on the things
Speaker 5: that I went into do and my own exploration and
Speaker 5: like learning who I am, just making.
Speaker 4: My own decisions, trying new things, all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 4: I think that over time.
Speaker 5: I think it softened a little bit, just because I
Speaker 5: feel like finally my parents were able to trust my
Speaker 5: decision making because I had experienced certain things in college
Speaker 5: that I was able to navigate on my own and
Speaker 5: not feel like I had to go to them. But
Speaker 5: like I said, that took a lot for me. It
Speaker 5: felt like junior year was the year that I really
Speaker 5: felt like there wasn't that pressure. But it was definitely
Speaker 5: very strong in the beginning, and then, like I said,
Speaker 5: over time it kind of softened, but there was still
Speaker 5: certain rules like whether it be communicating with them on
Speaker 5: a regular basis, so not going certain places past a
Speaker 5: certain hour, past a certain air or distance, whatever the
Speaker 5: case may be. That was very prevalent during my freshman year.
Speaker 5: That made making certain decisions a little bit more challenging.
Speaker 4: But yeah, it did evolve. I'm not going to say
Speaker 4: that it's not, but definitely took some time.
Speaker 1: I'm curious to know what were some of those examples
Speaker 1: that showed your parents, Okay, maybe she's learning.
Speaker 5: For me, it was definitely having bad grades because it's
Speaker 5: not always realistic to have perfect grades all the time
Speaker 5: in college. So I think one of the key examples
Speaker 5: I had a bad grade on a test, but I
Speaker 5: was able to bounce back and get a good grade
Speaker 5: in the class overall, and like talk to them about
Speaker 5: how I was so frustrated with that aspect, Like, didn't
Speaker 5: let that stop you from being able to get what
Speaker 5: I need to get done to like go to office
Speaker 5: hours and things like that, being able to make decisions
Speaker 5: that overall would improve my situation instead of just being
Speaker 5: down to myself about the fact that I didn't get
Speaker 5: a good grade. And I think abiding by those rules
Speaker 5: did a lot of help, even though they were uncomfortable
Speaker 5: and stressful at times. I think the fact that I
Speaker 5: bodied by them and didn't cause that much issues created
Speaker 5: a place where they were like, Okay, we've given her
Speaker 5: a little bit, she's done well with it. Okay we
Speaker 5: can give more now. Do I necessarily agree with that
Speaker 5: type of mindset. No, but I feel like I made
Speaker 5: it work for what I could and tried to maintain
Speaker 5: that balance because of course I care about my parents,
Speaker 5: but I also want some sort of autonomy, so I
Speaker 5: tried to find like a middle ground of working with
Speaker 5: them but also doing what I want to to make
Speaker 5: sure that trust factor could be built up a little
Speaker 5: bit more.
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 3: I definitely agree with sort of what Heaven said about
Speaker 3: finding that level ground and finding that balance. I feel
Speaker 3: like that's essential and that's key. I definitely feel like
Speaker 3: for myself my freshman and my sophomore year, I was
Speaker 3: sort of navigating that as well, like navigating that ground
Speaker 3: of trust and having them trust me while also stepping
Speaker 3: into what I want to do and discovering what I
Speaker 3: want to do in a way that's still respectful to
Speaker 3: them and respectful to what I know, while also being like, Okay,
Speaker 3: well this is what I want to do and things
Speaker 3: like that. So I agree with that, and I definitely
Speaker 3: found myself doing that a lot of times more than
Speaker 3: not my freshman and sophomore year.
Speaker 4: For sure.
Speaker 1: I love that y'all were able to find that middle ground.
Speaker 1: It's a weird play by play. It's a very weird
Speaker 1: play by play of I'm eighteen, I'm seventeen, Like I'm grown,
Speaker 1: but you're not grown, but you're grown enough to be
Speaker 1: learning who you are. And it's just a whole lot,
Speaker 1: a whole lot of tell me about a situation where
Speaker 1: you wish you would have been given more independence and
Speaker 1: or space, and how did you handle that situation.
Speaker 3: I think, for me, a time where I needed more
Speaker 3: space and things like that is obviously, I think it
Speaker 3: was my freshman year coming back home for break. I mean,
Speaker 3: you're piled with these questions of like, what are you
Speaker 3: doing with your major? What do you want to do
Speaker 3: with your career? Do you want to like those sort
Speaker 3: of questions, Oh, you need an internship before you graduate?
Speaker 3: What are you going to do postgrad? Those sort of
Speaker 3: questions piled up, and especially over a break where I
Speaker 3: just got finished with my finals, I'm coming home to
Speaker 3: reset and relax, and I feel like those questions are
Speaker 3: just a reminder of everything that I need to do,
Speaker 3: And on top of that, it's just the stress of
Speaker 3: things that they expect for me when I'm trying to
Speaker 3: go home and be in a space where I just
Speaker 3: want to relax and just not have to worry about school.
Speaker 3: So I think that that is a clear and concise
Speaker 3: situation that has happened to me that in that time,
Speaker 3: I really just needed space. I wanted to be home,
Speaker 3: I wanted to feel like I was home, but I
Speaker 3: was constantly reminded of my future. So I think that
Speaker 3: in that situation at the time, I didn't necessarily handle
Speaker 3: it the right way, just because I was like, oh
Speaker 3: my god, I don't know what I'm doing it and
Speaker 3: it might have made the situation worse. But looking back
Speaker 3: at it now, I think that I would have just
Speaker 3: been like, look, I don't know what I'm doing, but
Speaker 3: I'm figuring it out and I just need space, you know.
Speaker 3: Setting the those boundaries is essential, and also like communicating
Speaker 3: in the way that they can understand it's bothering me
Speaker 3: and I can effectively communicate how it's bothering me.
Speaker 5: For me, I had a little bit of a different experience.
Speaker 5: I wish I was given a little bit more room
Speaker 5: when it came to like outside campus excursions with my friends.
Speaker 5: Like I said before, I had that rule where there
Speaker 5: was like a certain limit on how far I could
Speaker 5: go from campus, and so for me that was a
Speaker 5: little bit challenging and then even checking in and asking
Speaker 5: for fruition that kind of stuff, because I think it
Speaker 5: created a barrier sometimes with me and my friends where
Speaker 5: I feel like, even though they may not have told
Speaker 5: me directly, there was just a little bit of dang,
Speaker 5: like she can't really go anywhere. How could we even
Speaker 5: navigate inviting her without feeling like we also have that
Speaker 5: Here to the rules that her parents set for her too,
Speaker 5: which I know for them was probably a little frustrating,
Speaker 5: and so I wish there was more room in that area,
Speaker 5: because there was a lot of times during other experiences
Speaker 5: like high school, that I went so many places other
Speaker 5: than this country without my parents and feeling like dang,
Speaker 5: all of a sudden, now I feel like there's even
Speaker 5: more tighter constraints compared to how I felt a little
Speaker 5: bit in high school to a certain extent, and it
Speaker 5: just felt like sometimes limiting in the sense that I
Speaker 5: feel like I'm able to make my own decisions, have
Speaker 5: smart decision making, and maybe I don't know everything, but
Speaker 5: maybe I wish there was a little bit more trust
Speaker 5: in the fact that, like, if something were to happen,
Speaker 5: that I know who to call, I know how to
Speaker 5: get the help that I need, instead of just letting
Speaker 5: things happen and then things getting too bad to where
Speaker 5: there can never be.
Speaker 4: Any help or recovery.
Speaker 5: And I feel like that's mostly what it was, like
Speaker 5: a safety concern, which I get, but I just feel
Speaker 5: like it was limiting and I feel like it limited
Speaker 5: my experience of what I could be involved in or
Speaker 5: what I could explore beyond just like being on campus
Speaker 5: because everything is not on campus all the time, it's.
Speaker 1: Not That is something that you don't recognize until you're
Speaker 1: already there without a car. So I'm curious what was
Speaker 1: it like for the both of you to be home
Speaker 1: for the first time after a semester of living on
Speaker 1: your own. How did you navigate things like Kirk you
Speaker 1: not eating in your room or not being able to
Speaker 1: live the way you might have been living on campus.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll start. I think for me it was definitely
Speaker 3: like hard, sort of like navigating that because for me,
Speaker 3: like especially in my freshman year, I was stepping into
Speaker 3: my own independence. I could go out whenever I wanted to,
Speaker 3: I could come back whenever I wanted to. I didn't
Speaker 3: need to tell people where I was going who I would,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean? Like, I was just doing
Speaker 3: whatever I wanted to. And I think that being home,
Speaker 3: Like I always loved being home because I love sort
Speaker 3: of that reason. I love the comfort of being home.
Speaker 3: I didn't realize how difficult it would be to prove
Speaker 3: my independence. It felt like I was going backwards. I
Speaker 3: experienced all this independence at school, and now I'm going
Speaker 3: back home and I feel like I'm in high school again.
Speaker 3: So That's definitely what it felt like, like come back
Speaker 3: on time and things like that. It was hard and
Speaker 3: it was hard to hang out with my friends and
Speaker 3: things like that, but I had to remember, like, well,
Speaker 3: this is how it is at home, so I sort
Speaker 3: of came to terms with it.
Speaker 5: But yeah, my freshman year was actually pretty unique in
Speaker 5: the sense that, like it was cut short by COVID,
Speaker 5: so I feel like that played a different role. But
Speaker 5: I feel like I can speak more until my screams
Speaker 5: now because I moved back home after college and that
Speaker 5: was a big transition to a certain extent. There are
Speaker 5: still rules and curfews and which is crazy because I'm like,
Speaker 5: I have a whole batchelor screen now and I still
Speaker 5: have to rite under rules and things like that. It
Speaker 5: has been a little stressful, I think, like Zoe said,
Speaker 5: like feeling like I have to prove my independence. But
Speaker 5: I feel like at the end of the day, I
Speaker 5: had to come to terms with the fact that my
Speaker 5: parents are always going to have a certain perception of
Speaker 5: wanting to protect their child. In their eyes, I'm always
Speaker 5: going to be their kid, and I think being more
Speaker 5: cognizant of that it made it a little bit easier
Speaker 5: for me to swallow that pill, because there's nothing really
Speaker 5: I can do at a certain point.
Speaker 4: It's beyond me. It's not really about me.
Speaker 5: It's more about like what they've experienced, like who they
Speaker 5: are as people, and so like when I learn to
Speaker 5: not like personalize it and like internalize it and see
Speaker 5: as like a reflection of like who I am as
Speaker 5: a person and my character and all that kind of stuff,
Speaker 5: I feel like it became easier for me. Don't get
Speaker 5: me wrong, it's still hard, but it just motivates me
Speaker 5: to be, like, when I get my own stuff, I'm
Speaker 5: going to be gone for good this time and then
Speaker 5: like navigate that on my own, and it motivates me
Speaker 5: to get to that point and not be here forever
Speaker 5: because it's not working for me.
Speaker 4: All the time.
Speaker 1: I love that perspective that you have in regards to
Speaker 1: seeing your parents' side or seeing your loved one side
Speaker 1: of this is beyond you and this is not your doing,
Speaker 1: and just taking a step back and recognizing that they've
Speaker 1: had experiences to lead them to the thought processing that
Speaker 1: they have currently. So I love that.
Speaker 2: Hi. I'm Saria Taylor and I'm the TBG podcast production intern.
Speaker 2: We'll return to Jana right after the break.
Speaker 1: How do you feel the adults in your life have
Speaker 1: influenced your personal growth and self reliance? Can you share
Speaker 1: some specific ways it's impacted you.
Speaker 3: I think that the adults in my life have definitely
Speaker 3: made it difficult for self reliance, just because I've been
Speaker 3: very reliant on them because that's what I'm so used to.
Speaker 3: I feel like even in decision making, I sort of
Speaker 3: prioritize what my parents would do or what they would
Speaker 3: tell me to do as opposed to what I should do,
Speaker 3: and I think that makes it very difficult for self
Speaker 3: reliance actually living on your own, especially being in college.
Speaker 3: So I think those situations, especially when it comes to
Speaker 3: like money and things like that, like how I should
Speaker 3: spend my money, what should I spend it on? Am
Speaker 3: I effectively saving? Those things are direct impacts from what
Speaker 3: my parents haven't still given me, which of course I'm
Speaker 3: grateful for, but at the same time, it makes it
Speaker 3: difficult for me to actually step into that independence.
Speaker 4: On my own.
Speaker 5: So yeah, I would say that I feel like I've
Speaker 5: lived in a little bit of like cognitive business, like
Speaker 5: I was getting mixed messages from my family, like I
Speaker 5: have some people that would tell me, go live your lives,
Speaker 5: and then I have some people tell me, oh, no,
Speaker 5: these are the rules that you have to abide by.
Speaker 4: So like, in certain aspects, I did have a lot
Speaker 4: of encouragement.
Speaker 5: Like I said, with the whole great situation and like
Speaker 5: having to be able to bounce back from li like
Speaker 5: that was my own decision making and the fact that
Speaker 5: I told my parents they were kind of like, well,
Speaker 5: you know what you need to do to get that
Speaker 5: great up, and I'm like, you're right. So I figured
Speaker 5: out and make sure I made that work. And then
Speaker 5: I feel like from there, because I was able to
Speaker 5: get the grade up, they were like, Okay.
Speaker 4: She did what we thought she was capable of doing.
Speaker 4: So for like the great stuff, I feel like it
Speaker 4: was easy.
Speaker 5: I feel like the other stuff, like life things, it
Speaker 5: became a little bit more challenging, just because my parents
Speaker 5: and my family have certain views and opinions, and I
Speaker 5: had to learn how to take what I can use
Speaker 5: and take what I resonated with and other things maybe
Speaker 5: not so much, and learn how to negotiate with myself
Speaker 5: what's important for me to hold on to? What level
Speaker 5: of my parents' advice and input do I value and
Speaker 5: what part of it is like I don't necessarily align
Speaker 5: with it, and like again being comfortable with making bad
Speaker 5: decisions and like making mistakes because that's the only way
Speaker 5: that you learn.
Speaker 4: And then the more.
Speaker 5: That I brought my mistakes to my family posted fact
Speaker 5: like I already did it, I already fixed it, blah blah,
Speaker 5: bah blah blah, then I feel like that created for
Speaker 5: all timy is like Okay, she said that she experienced
Speaker 5: this hardship bounce back recovery, was able to figure it out.
Speaker 4: Okay, so we don't need to be involved type thing.
Speaker 5: So it's like that level of do you have to
Speaker 5: tell your parents everything that you mess up or like
Speaker 5: everything that you do wrong.
Speaker 4: So I feel like there's levels toity.
Speaker 5: You just have to learn how to make it work
Speaker 5: for you and make it work for like the situation
Speaker 5: that you're in, in the environment that you're in, to
Speaker 5: keep a little bit of sanity.
Speaker 4: Intech.
Speaker 1: Has your experience with being monitored closely made you want
Speaker 1: to shy away from your parents?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's made me very cautious of everything.
Speaker 3: I feel like when you're monitored and when you are
Speaker 3: watched and things like that, it makes you less wanting
Speaker 3: to tell them things because it feels like if you do,
Speaker 3: it's going to be a problem. So I think that
Speaker 3: when there's not that much freedom, of course, you're going
Speaker 3: to be closed off. I feel like, especially growing up
Speaker 3: high school early college, I was heavily watched, heavily monitored,
Speaker 3: and I feel like that made me shy away from
Speaker 3: wanting to tell them the things that are going on
Speaker 3: in my life because I feel like I might get
Speaker 3: in trouble or that might not be something that they
Speaker 3: want to hear or something that I should be doing. So, yeah,
Speaker 3: it just intinuates that I'm doing something wrong because it
Speaker 3: intinuates that there's not that level of trust.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like it does reinforce that a little bit,
Speaker 5: which is like a double edged sword. But I also
Speaker 5: did not always share everything. I feel like, to a
Speaker 5: certain extent, your parents and your family know what you're
Speaker 5: going to do in college based on their experience of
Speaker 5: what they've heard from other people. They already know what happens,
Speaker 5: and so I didn't always feel a need to necessarily
Speaker 5: tell them everything. But if it came up, I was
Speaker 5: transparent regardless of what their reaction would be because I
Speaker 5: feel like that was like the only way to enforce
Speaker 5: on my end, like, yeah, I'm still going to make
Speaker 5: this decision and I do not listen to my advice
Speaker 5: hundred percent. Depending on how your parents are and stuff
Speaker 5: like that, But for me, I didn't share everything all
Speaker 5: the time. My parents knew some stuff, they didn't know
Speaker 5: some stuff, but I gauged what I wanted to share
Speaker 5: based on how much it aligned with what they believe,
Speaker 5: or like I said, if it got brought up, or
Speaker 5: if I even felt comfortable sharing, because there were some
Speaker 5: things that I didn't necessarily feel comfortable with and I
Speaker 5: didn't want to have to explain myself. So like, yeah,
Speaker 5: it's a difficult situation of being especially if you're very
Speaker 5: close to your family. It's hard, but again, you have
Speaker 5: to learn how to make it work for you and
Speaker 5: make it work for what you want for your own life,
Speaker 5: because that's really what college is about, learning who you
Speaker 5: are and learning what you want out of your own
Speaker 5: life because it's yours.
Speaker 1: Right, I think for me, I definitely felt like, okay,
Speaker 1: this is doing a lot. So in turn, I wanted to,
Speaker 1: like while I was in school, to have moments to
Speaker 1: myself and so my family was out of state eight
Speaker 1: hours away. There's really you can drive, you can fly,
Speaker 1: but like that's effort, and so me shining away was
Speaker 1: just maybe I call once a week, twice a week,
Speaker 1: and it's finding that balance that I enjoyed while I'm
Speaker 1: still finding who I am, just because I just had
Speaker 1: that heavy influence and so me trying to figure out
Speaker 1: the balance of it. Sometimes it was extreme. Sometimes I
Speaker 1: forgot to call home. Sometimes it went two to three
Speaker 1: weeks I just haven't called home because I'm just really
Speaker 1: in my season. And then sometimes I'm calling home every
Speaker 1: five seconds because I miss home. And so I was
Speaker 1: just shying away, but also trying to find how do
Speaker 1: I learn who I am and balance who you are
Speaker 1: and all these things. So it was tiring at times
Speaker 1: and definitely a process. But I appreciate y'all sharing that
Speaker 1: with all the parenting styles, there are pros and cons
Speaker 1: tell us about the upsides of having a hyper involved parent.
Speaker 3: I think an upside is probably just knowing like sort
Speaker 3: of what Heaven touched on before I can be confident
Speaker 3: that they're doing this out of okay. I want to
Speaker 3: make sure my child's safe. So having that confidence in
Speaker 3: knowing that it's coming somewhere out of love, So at
Speaker 3: the end of the day, that's their form of communicating
Speaker 3: that they care and they love for you and they
Speaker 3: want to make sure you're safe. So I guess like
Speaker 3: having hyperactivity and having that hyper focused on your life
Speaker 3: is better than not being involved at all, So I
Speaker 3: definitely think that's a positive. And just knowing that they
Speaker 3: want to know what's going on in your life is
Speaker 3: also comforting to know that they care about that too,
Speaker 3: So I think that those are some positives as well.
Speaker 3: And I think in some aspects it made me and
Speaker 3: my parents a little bit closer just because they are
Speaker 3: involved and they know what's going on, So I think
Speaker 3: that's an upside as well.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I would definitely second that, and I will also
Speaker 5: add that another upside is that I feel like sometimes
Speaker 5: college makes you feel like you have to grow up
Speaker 5: a little bit too fast. But having involved parents reassure
Speaker 5: me that I always have somebody to fall back on
Speaker 5: if I really need advice about something. I have people
Speaker 5: that are willing to give their input and be there
Speaker 5: and support me, and I don't always have to feel
Speaker 5: like I have to navigate this journey alone. Because sometimes
Speaker 5: you can feel very isolated. You're separated from your parents
Speaker 5: and your family and you're on a big campus like
Speaker 5: especially as a freshman, navigating it alone sometimes for the
Speaker 5: most part, especially for first gen students, into having family
Speaker 5: support could mean the difference between you feeling comfortable and
Speaker 5: being on campus versus always feeling like a fish out
Speaker 5: of water, and so I definitely think that's an upside.
Speaker 5: It's like always knowing that there's someone there that Zoe said,
Speaker 5: that cares about you, that's willing to be there for
Speaker 5: you and willing to save you if there's was something
Speaker 5: that happens and save.
Speaker 4: You from those bad decisions maybe that you make. There's
Speaker 4: always someone to fall back on.
Speaker 1: Right Being first gen and having that out of state experience,
Speaker 1: that was something that was always comforting. Like at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, I know that my family has
Speaker 1: me a little too much sometimes, but you have me,
Speaker 1: and that in a fixed and like a small pond.
Speaker 1: I guess that's the most comforting thing to know at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, my family has me, and
Speaker 1: regardless of these strangers that are amongst me, I know
Speaker 1: that I have home. So I love both of y'all's points.
Speaker 1: Another area I like to touch on is therapy. Have
Speaker 1: any of you sought the support of a therapist or
Speaker 1: counselor to help manage your relationship with your parents?
Speaker 4: I can go first.
Speaker 5: I definitely saw the advice of other people, maybe not
Speaker 5: like a therapist and counselor. I saw a therapist and
Speaker 5: counselor more for personal things that I was dealing with
Speaker 5: and like some issues that I was struggling with on
Speaker 5: my own instead of reaching out to family per se.
Speaker 5: But now I'm in therapy for some of that kind
Speaker 5: of stuff. I just think that at the time, my
Speaker 5: needs were a little bit different, and I sought the
Speaker 5: support of friends and family to help navigate those experiences
Speaker 5: because it was definitely challenging, and it was better to
Speaker 5: have people around me who watched my journey, like know
Speaker 5: who I am as a person. But yeah, I usually
Speaker 5: sought out like therapists and like counselors for things I
Speaker 5: was experiencing on my own that I didn't think I
Speaker 5: could get that from people around me, or needed something
Speaker 5: more than what friends and family could provide.
Speaker 1: So heaven, can you share what the conversation was like
Speaker 1: with those friends.
Speaker 5: Yeah, one of my closest friends from undergrad. We've been
Speaker 5: friends since my freshman year of college, and so she
Speaker 5: knew about a lot of these rules that I had,
Speaker 5: and my sophomore year when COVID happened, she had to
Speaker 5: move back home for a little bit because she's not
Speaker 5: from California. She talked to me a lot about where
Speaker 5: I was and how I felt about these certain rules
Speaker 5: and stuff like that, knowing like who I am as
Speaker 5: a person and knowing the things that I want for
Speaker 5: myself and kind of pushed me to not always feel
Speaker 5: like that pressure from my parents, like it was way
Speaker 5: easier than that. I think it took me a long
Speaker 5: time to realize that, but she helped me realize that
Speaker 5: at the end the day day, it's my life. My
Speaker 5: parents they love and they care about me, and it's
Speaker 5: coming from a good place, but it's not always most
Speaker 5: conducive to like what I have going on. And she
Speaker 5: encouraged me to like know that it wasn't just about me.
Speaker 5: It's not a personal thing, And so that was one
Speaker 5: of the conversations I had. I had other family members
Speaker 5: that would like help and be like, I understand where
Speaker 5: you're coming from because they knew my parents and so
Speaker 5: they would like encourage me to also still pursue the
Speaker 5: things that you want.
Speaker 4: Don't feel pressured by that. Like, at the end of
Speaker 4: the day, your parents are going.
Speaker 5: To love you regardless of the decisions that you make,
Speaker 5: so don't let that be or worry like they are.
Speaker 4: Always going to be there.
Speaker 5: But you have to learn how to make your own
Speaker 5: decisions and make your own choices because you can't always
Speaker 5: be relying on them.
Speaker 4: At some point you're going to have to learn.
Speaker 5: So do it now while it's the space for that,
Speaker 5: and sot it being too late, because that's sometimes where
Speaker 5: a lot of people are right now, where they are
Speaker 5: further into their adulthood and making those kinds of decisions.
Speaker 5: But there's more at stake, and now while the stakes
Speaker 5: are low, the risks are low because it's easier to
Speaker 5: bounce back now than it is later down the line,
Speaker 5: and you'll be so much more happy if you do
Speaker 5: it now then do it later.
Speaker 3: I can definitely sort of second what Heaven said about
Speaker 3: confiding in your friends. More often than that, I would
Speaker 3: seek advice from friends that I knew might have been
Speaker 3: going through the same thing, or knew firsthand what I
Speaker 3: was going through and had a better help me with
Speaker 3: what I'm going through. So I could say, especially in
Speaker 3: high school and even in college, I would confide in
Speaker 3: my high school friends to sort of help me navigate
Speaker 3: with this independence. How should I deal with that? With
Speaker 3: not knowing whether or not to rely on them or
Speaker 3: to rely on myself and trust myself. That was really
Speaker 3: a big thing for me, especially in college. It's like,
Speaker 3: should I trust my gut and know what I want
Speaker 3: to do? Or should I trust that my parents know
Speaker 3: what's best for me even more than what I know
Speaker 3: what's best for me. So that was sort of a
Speaker 3: battling game that I had to navigate between myself and
Speaker 3: my friend's really helped me with that as well.
Speaker 1: For sure.
Speaker 4: I love that.
Speaker 2: Hi. I'm Saria Taylor and I'm the TBG podcast production intern.
Speaker 2: We'll return to Jana right after the break.
Speaker 1: What advice do you have for other college students who
Speaker 1: may be dealing with helicopter parents and trying to assert
Speaker 1: their independence.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that the main thing is communication and
Speaker 3: setting boundaries. I think that it's very difficult, especially because
Speaker 3: they're your parents. You don't want it to come off
Speaker 3: as a way that's disrespectful, But I think the main thing,
Speaker 3: especially for yourself, in order to be able to step
Speaker 3: into that independence. The first step is being able to
Speaker 3: communicate with your parents, being able to set those boundaries
Speaker 3: of what you think is good, what you like, and
Speaker 3: what you don't like, because that can better help assess
Speaker 3: how you want to step into your independence further in college.
Speaker 3: I think that having those hard conversations will also show
Speaker 3: them and let them know that you are growing up,
Speaker 3: Like you are stepping into this independence, you are ready
Speaker 3: to experience things that you need to do on your own.
Speaker 3: So I think that the two main things of advice
Speaker 3: that I would give people is having those hard conversations,
Speaker 3: communicating and setting those boundaries that feel right to you.
Speaker 5: Second, everything's really said, and then I will add two
Speaker 5: more pieces of advice. Number one, it's okay if you
Speaker 5: make mistakes, It's okay. If you have bad grade, it
Speaker 5: will be fine. Everything will work itself out. I know,
Speaker 5: like in the moment sometimes the tension can feel a
Speaker 5: little strenuous and you feel frustrated, but everything will be okay.
Speaker 5: You will be able to navigate it and make it
Speaker 5: work for you.
Speaker 4: And I guess that least recent.
Speaker 5: My second piece of advice, make it work for you
Speaker 5: at the end of the day, Like they're still going
Speaker 5: to who they are, They're still going to have these
Speaker 5: perceptions and these rules. But like Zoe said, communication, I
Speaker 5: feel like is what helps create that middle ground. It
Speaker 5: won't be there if you never tell them anything or
Speaker 5: like communicate to them anything about like what's going on
Speaker 5: in your life or like things that are going on
Speaker 5: in college.
Speaker 4: But that doesn't necessarily mean you have to tell them everything.
Speaker 5: Finding that middle space where it's like, yes, I do
Speaker 5: listen to that by to my parents and I do
Speaker 5: take heats like some of the things that they say,
Speaker 5: but also I don't tell them everything, and I try
Speaker 5: to explore and figure it out on my own and
Speaker 5: then come back to ask them for help and advice them.
Speaker 5: Trying to make it work for you, Like Jana said earlier,
Speaker 5: creating a communication schedule that works for you, just finding
Speaker 5: a way to navigate it because some spaces it won't change.
Speaker 5: But you just have to find that balance for yourself.
Speaker 1: Lovely advice. We just talked about setting boundaries, But what's
Speaker 1: one boundary you've advocated for and exercise with the adults
Speaker 1: in your life.
Speaker 3: I think for me, and haven't touched on this earlier
Speaker 3: before as well, is just you don't have to tell
Speaker 3: them everything that's going on in your life. That has
Speaker 3: been a boundary that has helped me in a multitude
Speaker 3: of ways, just because I'm respecting my own boundaries, and
Speaker 3: also at the end of the day, like there's just
Speaker 3: certain things that your parents don't need to know, and
Speaker 3: there are certain things that go on in your life
Speaker 3: that you can experience solely from your perspective and solely
Speaker 3: just for you and for your expiration and for your independence,
Speaker 3: and they don't need to be a part of that.
Speaker 3: So that has been one of the biggest boundaries that
Speaker 3: I've said, is navigating knowing what to tell my parents
Speaker 3: what not to knowing that they really just want to
Speaker 3: know that you're safe. They want to know that you
Speaker 3: are doing things that they expected you to do. So
Speaker 3: sort of re emphasizing that and ensuring that and putting
Speaker 3: that ease and that peace of mind in their mind
Speaker 3: that you're okay is really all that they need. They
Speaker 3: don't need to know every middle school detail in your
Speaker 3: life because you still are growing and you still owe
Speaker 3: yourself some sort of privacy.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you don't have to tell and everything is definitely
Speaker 5: the catch off. Also, I feel like a boundary that
Speaker 5: I set was even with specific stuff like dating and grades,
Speaker 5: you don't have to share all the time, who is
Speaker 5: new in the picture sometimes that kind of stuff.
Speaker 4: It doesn't even matter. You're just kind of like doing
Speaker 4: stuff to have fun. Like let them be things that
Speaker 4: you have fun with, just because you feel like, oh,
Speaker 4: it may.
Speaker 5: Not be worth it to tell your parents all the time.
Speaker 5: Even with parties, just keep certain things to yourself. That's
Speaker 5: definitely a boundary I had to establish. Just be safe
Speaker 5: with everything that you do, fun wise, parties, dating, all
Speaker 5: that kind of stuff. Also them grades, Like I said,
Speaker 5: if you have a bad grade, it's okay.
Speaker 4: One test may not make or break your grade in
Speaker 4: that class.
Speaker 5: You don't necessarily have to share that, and no one's
Speaker 5: sitting progress reports home and at the end of the day,
Speaker 5: all that matters is that you got that degree. So like,
Speaker 5: if you're having bad grades, as long as you know,
Speaker 5: like what's you need to take to make it working,
Speaker 5: that it doesn't get too bad to where you get
Speaker 5: put on probation and stuff like that, you don't have
Speaker 5: to share that.
Speaker 4: That's keep it to yourself.
Speaker 5: I know it's a weird transition for being in high school,
Speaker 5: and like your parents know your grades and now they don't.
Speaker 4: Have access to that information. But like it's okay to keep.
Speaker 5: Certain things to yourself, especially when you're having fun and
Speaker 5: still learning what college is like.
Speaker 1: And I also want to add to the not sharing
Speaker 1: everything with your parents, because I think you're also learning
Speaker 1: that on campus anyway, Like you're learning not to tell
Speaker 1: everybody your team, You're learning to keep things to yourself,
Speaker 1: and it's okay, and it's respecting of yourself and of
Speaker 1: your experiences. And so yes, we're saying this about your
Speaker 1: loved ones and the adults in your life, but it's
Speaker 1: also applicable to your homies and your friends and anyone else.
Speaker 1: It's a skill that you're learning with your family or
Speaker 1: your loved ones, but it's also applicable to your friends
Speaker 1: as well, in associates and work in all these other
Speaker 1: spaces that will be important for you to learn that
Speaker 1: as well. Lastly, I want to know what is your
Speaker 1: take on a healthy level of principal involvement in college.
Speaker 1: What should parents consider when given their child freedom in college.
Speaker 3: I think that one of the main things is not
Speaker 3: letting your child feel like this pressure to please you.
Speaker 3: Like that's important. Learning experiences should be emphasized in college
Speaker 3: like period because that's when you're growing into adulthood, so
Speaker 3: that should be emphasized. I think also that sort of
Speaker 3: healthy level ground is I don't need to call every day.
Speaker 3: Let the kid reach out sometimes, you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: because more often than not they will, but it's just
Speaker 3: feeling like they have that freedom. They don't need to
Speaker 3: have to do it, but rather they want to. So
Speaker 3: having that sort of like healthy communication schedule maybe called
Speaker 3: twice a week and set up by time like once
Speaker 3: a week at the end of the week, every Sunday,
Speaker 3: things like that to remain a healthy balance. And also
Speaker 3: like you can encourage life updates, but only things that
Speaker 3: are very significant, like okay, just finish my finals. I
Speaker 3: finished off strong. Oh I just got into this organization
Speaker 3: like stuff that's big. Life updates are things that can
Speaker 3: be updated with them. So I feel like a healthy
Speaker 3: talking schedule being able to update them on things that
Speaker 3: are very important, and also having it be encouraged that
Speaker 3: learning is encouraged and emphasized, because then it feels like
Speaker 3: you're not walking on eggshells with the experiences that you're
Speaker 3: going through in college.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I definitely agree with that. I think the thing
Speaker 5: that gets parents caught up is that they're so worried
Speaker 5: about preventing things instead of giving their kids the information
Speaker 5: so they can make the decisions themselves.
Speaker 4: Like, it just.
Speaker 5: Causes more issues where people want to be rebellious and
Speaker 5: they want to just do whatever. But I think if
Speaker 5: you educate your kids, for example, like how to protect
Speaker 5: themselves at parties, like knowing what to look for, all
Speaker 5: that kind of stuff, being aware of their surroundings, teaching
Speaker 5: those kinds of life skills, it'll be easier for you
Speaker 5: to trust them because you've already talked in the skills
Speaker 5: that they need to know, Like even regardless of safe
Speaker 5: sex practices and stuff like that. I feel like there's
Speaker 5: more of the prevention thing than trying to communicate and
Speaker 5: educate people. So, like, just educate students about what they
Speaker 5: might experience at college because a lot of things are
Speaker 5: bound to happen. But if they have the tools there,
Speaker 5: then it's easier for them to use those tools and
Speaker 5: apply them to situations that they have, from grades to
Speaker 5: social things, friendships, all of that kind of stuff, just
Speaker 5: teach them, educate them on what they may experience in
Speaker 5: a way that's not causing there to be.
Speaker 4: A negative perspective.
Speaker 5: And just more, I just want you to know these
Speaker 5: things things that may happen, so that way you know
Speaker 5: how to navigate these situations and just be supportive of
Speaker 5: the decisions that they choose to make.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and honestly just to piggyback off what happens, said
Speaker 3: a really good point about the fact that like we
Speaker 3: should be communicating what not to do and what to
Speaker 3: do rather than just being like, you can't do this
Speaker 3: all together, you know what I mean, Like you should
Speaker 3: be educating how to approach these experiences in these situations
Speaker 3: because they are inevitable. And I feel like that level
Speaker 3: of sort of secrecy or like oh I can't do this,
Speaker 3: like you're totally against this. It makes a child sort
Speaker 3: of hesitant. It makes the young adult hesitant to even
Speaker 3: share what they may be going through because they feel
Speaker 3: like they're not supposed to be doing it or it's
Speaker 3: something looked down upon. And then that also ends up
Speaker 3: being like, Okay, I have to figure this out on
Speaker 3: my own because I don't even want to open up
Speaker 3: to my parents about this, So I think that point
Speaker 3: is definitely so important in learning and like allowing them
Speaker 3: and telling them what they should be doing when these
Speaker 3: situations arise, rather than just saying that's not allowed altogether,
Speaker 3: is so important.
Speaker 4: It really is.
Speaker 1: I agree with you, bo, I appreciate you for sharing.
Speaker 1: It's just the wisdom, just dropping all of the wisdom.
Speaker 3: I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: So where can we keep up with you? What are
Speaker 1: your social media handles?
Speaker 3: I go to Hampshire University of I'm a third year
Speaker 3: journalism major English minor, so most of the time I'm writing.
Speaker 3: I'm very big writer. I'm an editorial writer for her
Speaker 3: campus magazine, so that's where all of my work will
Speaker 3: be published in. My instagram is zobe Rose with two
Speaker 3: e's three.
Speaker 5: I'm currently in a master's program and so I have
Speaker 5: two separate instagrams. I have like a personal instagram, but
Speaker 5: my professional instagram is your local aspiring therapist because I'm
Speaker 5: in school to be an MFT, so like I'll be
Speaker 5: posting a lot of educational content and like my experience
Speaker 5: and journey about that aspect of my life. So if
Speaker 5: you want to learn more about what it's not to
Speaker 5: be an NFT student and anything like that. Feel free
Speaker 5: to go ahead and follow that page your local aspiring therapist.
Speaker 1: Love it well. Thank you Zobe and Heaven for talking
Speaker 1: with me today. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: I want to thank Zoe and Heaven once again for
Speaker 1: joining us for this episode. Class is over for now,
Speaker 1: but before we dismiss, take the following notes from my
Speaker 1: conversation with Zoe and Heaven home with you. Have a
Speaker 1: conversation with your parents about the level of involvement in
Speaker 1: your life and set boundaries if needed. If regular conversations
Speaker 1: aren't working, begin looking for a therapist to help you
Speaker 1: work through boundary setting. The TVG directory is a great
Speaker 1: place to start. If you're a journaler, make a list
Speaker 1: of everything you're willing to share with your parents versus
Speaker 1: things you prefer to keep to yourself. To learn more
Speaker 1: about the work Zoe and Heaven are doing, or to
Speaker 1: do more research on this topic, be sure to visit
Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash tbg U. This
Speaker 1: episode was produced by Frida Lucas, Elise Ellis, and Zaria Taylor.
Speaker 1: Editing is by Dennison L.
Speaker 2: Bradford.