Speaker 1: Hello, this is let's talk about myths baby, and frankly,
Speaker 1: it just occurred to me to sing it like that.
Speaker 1: So anyway, I'm super clever. I know I'm live. This
Speaker 1: is the podcast where I tell you literally insane stories
Speaker 1: about Greek mythology. Today's episode is a mini myth. Now,
Speaker 1: this episode would have been better last week, but hindsight
Speaker 1: is my friends, and I did not think of what
Speaker 1: a good idea would be until it was too late.
Speaker 1: That's loop in. Just just me out in a way
Speaker 1: mini myth faith On the teenage boy who ruined everything.
Speaker 1: So this is the story of faith On, the son
Speaker 1: of the god Helios and the mortal woman Clymini. Also
Speaker 1: some say she's an aread or ocean it anyway, she's
Speaker 1: mortal or she's a nymph. Regardless, Helios is the god.
Speaker 1: The name faith On means shining, and that's probably because
Speaker 1: he was the son of Like I said, Helios, Helios
Speaker 1: is the god of the sun. See where I'm going here. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like I said, I should have done it before this week.
Speaker 1: For obvious it got dark in some areas of the
Speaker 1: world reasons, but I didn't. Okay, Helius had an incredibly
Speaker 1: important job in ancient Greece. See, much like how we've
Speaker 1: been led to believe that it's something scientific that causes echoes,
Speaker 1: it's actually just the remnants of a poor nymph whose
Speaker 1: forced to repeat our words back to us. So much
Speaker 1: like that, the sun would not rise or set in
Speaker 1: the sky were it not for Helios. Helios is tasked
Speaker 1: with driving the chariot, which is pulled by flying horses,
Speaker 1: not pegasi, just generic flying horses. And they pulled that
Speaker 1: big ball of gas and fire that we call the
Speaker 1: sun across the sky throughout the day and into the sunset.
Speaker 1: That's what the Sun's made of, right, Just to reiterate,
Speaker 1: I have an English or I have a degree in
Speaker 1: English and classical civilizations, and science isn't not my fore day,
Speaker 1: I'll say basically, it was Helios's job to keep the
Speaker 1: sun in the sky super important, because where would we
Speaker 1: be without the sun in darkness? As a select section
Speaker 1: of America learned the other day, it got cold here
Speaker 1: but not dark, and the sun was like pent covered
Speaker 1: by the moon. So, man, is that thing powerful just
Speaker 1: to slive or visible? And it was still totally light
Speaker 1: if a bit chilly, Helios is super important. Job is
Speaker 1: also super time consuming because basically, whenever it's light out,
Speaker 1: that's because all Helios is up in the sky drive
Speaker 1: and not chariot. Because of this, he doesn't have a
Speaker 1: lot of time for his son, and so faith On
Speaker 1: lived with his mom on Earth. One day, a friend
Speaker 1: at school made fun of faith On for claiming that
Speaker 1: his father was a god. Like, you really expects us
Speaker 1: to believe that your dad is a god, and he
Speaker 1: just happens to be unavailable literally all the time, so
Speaker 1: you can't prove it. Sounds convincing, faith On faith On,
Speaker 1: like any kid trying to prevent bullying, wants proof to
Speaker 1: show his friends, or rather the little jerks at school
Speaker 1: or being dicks about his dad. So he heads home
Speaker 1: that day to his mom and he winds and winds
Speaker 1: and wines, just asking if she's a hundred percenture that
Speaker 1: Helios is his dad, and like, if he is, where
Speaker 1: is the proof? Vitally important, Mom claiming he is a
Speaker 1: bit offended that her son would suggest that she's lying
Speaker 1: about his dad, because, let's be honest, the implication there
Speaker 1: is that she's been with other men, and we all
Speaker 1: know that that's something the ancient Greeks did not look
Speaker 1: kindly on. Men could obviously do it, that's fine, But
Speaker 1: ladies how now claiming He tells faith On he can
Speaker 1: prove it himself, and she sends him to find Helios's
Speaker 1: palace to ask him. It turns out that Helios's palace
Speaker 1: is in India, because that's where he starts his journey
Speaker 1: every morning. You know, India the farthest east you can go.
Speaker 1: I'm going to go ahead and speculate that this detail
Speaker 1: was established in or around the time of good old
Speaker 1: Alexander the Great, because he only made it to India,
Speaker 1: so obviously there was nothing further, not like a whole
Speaker 1: other continents and oceans or anything crazy like that. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I digress Helios's palace is in India because that's where
Speaker 1: he starts his journey across the sky. Every morning. Baithon
Speaker 1: gets to Helios's palace and he's totally blown away. It
Speaker 1: is as you might expect, bright as hell and super
Speaker 1: shiny and golden. Tacky perhaps, but dude to the god
Speaker 1: of the Son, so he can do what he wants.
Speaker 1: He founds Helios. So I assume it's nighttime now and
Speaker 1: Helios is just chilling on his equally tacky and sparkly throne.
Speaker 1: Apparently he's surrounded by a horde of mostly women, the
Speaker 1: personification of the hours, days, months, and the year and
Speaker 1: all the seasons, so just a party and a half.
Speaker 1: faithOn comes in and immediately starts bitching about he's been treating,
Speaker 1: about how he's been treated because the kids don't believe
Speaker 1: his dad is actually the sun god Helios and therefore
Speaker 1: his mom was obviously a whore, because that's the only
Speaker 1: other explanation. It can't possibly be that his mom is
Speaker 1: actually a goddamn saint and that Helios is the one
Speaker 1: who hasn't been recognizing this kid up to this point.
Speaker 1: Oh no, it's definitely his mom's fault. Helios is deeply
Speaker 1: moved by faith On's whining and his complaints, and he
Speaker 1: totally agrees to recognize the kid has his own. So
Speaker 1: apparently all it takes to get the father to pay
Speaker 1: attention is for the boy to go see him, not
Speaker 1: you know, the woman he slept with, creating a goddamn
Speaker 1: child in the first place. Typical Helios is all, yeah, sure,
Speaker 1: I'll totally tell people your mind. You want me to
Speaker 1: just write a note to show the mean kid chirt
Speaker 1: whatever you want. Faith On his psyched that it was
Speaker 1: that easy, and he decides to see what more he
Speaker 1: can get out of his super manipulatable dad. He rubs
Speaker 1: his chin contemplatively for another second while Helios is watching
Speaker 1: on with a wide smile and absolutely no credulity. Finally,
Speaker 1: faith On is like, well, obviously what I want is
Speaker 1: to drive the chariot of the sun. That's cool, right, pops.
Speaker 1: Helios is finally a bit wary and like, maybe this
Speaker 1: wasn't such a good idea. He tries to tell faith
Speaker 1: On that, you know, not even Zeus would think it
Speaker 1: was a good idea to drive the chariot of the sun.
Speaker 1: Those horses they like really like me, and so they
Speaker 1: probably wouldn't even like Zeus himself, let alone a snatty
Speaker 1: kid like you. But see, he had already said whatever
Speaker 1: you want, which in hindsight was a super great idea.
Speaker 1: So he has to say yes. Because mythology, he can't
Speaker 1: just be like nope, bad plan, This can only end awfully. No,
Speaker 1: He just says, yeah, for sure, how about it. He
Speaker 1: tells faith On to be careful. Those fiery flying sun
Speaker 1: horses can be tricky, you know, and you know you're
Speaker 1: only a half mortal teenager, so maybe be chill, don't
Speaker 1: fly too high or too low. It's important, you know,
Speaker 1: pull it in the path of the sun, because how
Speaker 1: weird would it be for the sun to suddenly be
Speaker 1: her off course? Super fucking weird. faithOn is a teenage boy,
Speaker 1: so he obviously thinks he'll be totally great at this,
Speaker 1: and he just takes off. Immediately after or leaving the ground,
Speaker 1: he realizes what a stupid dummy he is to think
Speaker 1: that this was a good plan, but it is far
Speaker 1: too late for that. The horses quickly realized they have
Speaker 1: a total noube driving their chariot, and they take advantage.
Speaker 1: They start flying wildly off course, all willie nilly, and
Speaker 1: this guy swerving and spiraling around. See, apparently that's how
Speaker 1: we got the Milky Way. It's like a fiery gash
Speaker 1: left behind by a dummy kid flying the sun around.
Speaker 1: Then they fly too close to the Earth and they
Speaker 1: totally hit it and caused crazy fiery destruction. They burned
Speaker 1: the African continent, totally turning it into a desert because
Speaker 1: apparently it was totally green and lashed before this. Obviously
Speaker 1: they mean the desert parts. Maybe the Greeks never got
Speaker 1: to the green parts that obviously also exist, And apparently
Speaker 1: there was more damage that I hesitate to explain because
Speaker 1: it's batshit crazy and super problematic. So let me just
Speaker 1: preface real hard. This smith follow Gene ancient and totally offensive.
Speaker 1: But here we go. This is apparently what they believed
Speaker 1: when the chariot burned Africa. It burned the skin of
Speaker 1: the people, and yeah, that's why they're dark skinned. Like
Speaker 1: I said, super offensive and weird. But then when were
Speaker 1: Europeans not offensive to races that looked air quotes different.
Speaker 1: At this point, the chariot is totally destroying everything and
Speaker 1: basically ruining the world, so Old Zeus needs to get involved,
Speaker 1: and his only solution apparently is to throw a lightning
Speaker 1: bolt at faith On to stop the chariot. Frankly, I
Speaker 1: would think that would just cause more fire because lightning.
Speaker 1: But it solves all the problems, except it definitely kills
Speaker 1: faith On. He lands in a river in Italy and
Speaker 1: his sisters, the Heliades something like that, who yes, exist,
Speaker 1: but I imagine it never had such insecurity that they
Speaker 1: needed confirmation of who their father was, nor did they
Speaker 1: need to drive his chariot because they were intelligent young women.
Speaker 1: I'm sure they mourned faith on their brother, but I
Speaker 1: guess that wasn't enough, because someone then turned them into
Speaker 1: popular trees that line either side of the river that
Speaker 1: he fell in, and so they mourned him always, and
Speaker 1: once again the lives of women is ruined because of
Speaker 1: this stupidity of a single man. Couldn't they have been
Speaker 1: sad about their brother without being turned into trees? I
Speaker 1: would certainly think so. Thank you all for listening to
Speaker 1: this mini myth. I really like these ones because I
Speaker 1: just got to throw something together, and also it's not
Speaker 1: as much work. Thank you again for listening. Let's talk
Speaker 1: about myths. Baby is available on iTunes and Stitcher and
Speaker 1: Google Play and literally everywhere that I put it. It's
Speaker 1: a mystery. My logo art is by my super talented
Speaker 1: friend Matthew Dunlevy, who I should be saying that in
Speaker 1: every episode because he deserves credit. It's adorable. You can
Speaker 1: find me on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and the general internet.
Speaker 1: It's basically all myths. Baby. Drop me a line, say hello,
Speaker 1: suggest a myth, talk about a myth. Anything. I'm always
Speaker 1: open to talk about mythology in this crazy, crazy world.
Speaker 1: Thank you again. My name is Live. I love this ship.